Self-Sabotage: Recognize And Eliminate It With Shadow Work

[@rozminhall]

Aye it looks like her arms are sideways because of her sofa!

[@emiliascharm]

Feels unpleasant to me looking at that... why?

[@skynet4496]

Maybe it's a subconscious crucifiction... 😅 Just a psychology joke lol

[@jasonfanclub4267]

I can't unsee that 😂

[@andyrandy0815]

lol

[@dr0zable]

We don’t talk about the sideways arms.

[@wesleyhall4901]

*grabs my shadow* Get in here buddy, new Heidi vid just dropped.

[@heidipriebe1]

The term ‘lol’ has long since ceased to represent the experience of *actually* laughing out loud but that’s exactly what I did reading this comment.

[@rhinoskin7550]

​@heidipriebe1 how are you so good with word's?! I want to get there and get overwhelmed by all of this work 😂 I'm not even employed anymore trying to fix everything. My brain is like "nope, cant do anything until you figure this out.." ...and now I understand why school I'd important 😂

[@Rezornch_and_Dvelenktronx]

Ha!!

[@movewithmike]

"Self sabotage is self love emanating upwards from the subconscious mind... In a way that I don't understand." You're brilliant, Heidi!

[@juan_castellanos19]

This whole video really resonates. I spent the longest time hating parts of myself because I thought they were either bad or actively resisting me out of spite, and my (unsuccessful) attempts to change were mostly driven by willpower and strong arm tactics. Once I started getting to approach those parts from a stance of curiosity and compassion, I realized that those parts had very good intentions, and in many cases were protecting me from pain and/or getting my needs met in ways that I didn’t even realize. I’m starting to now view those parts as borderline heroic, both because they did their job as well as the did (even if it wasn’t perfect) and because they were able to do so in the environment of my internal system that has been so hostile towards them for so long.

[@jennw6809]

They are 100% heroic!

[@ciaraskeleton]

When you really switch that mindset, and see the shadows as teachers, as misguided helpers, your whole view changes. This core work moves mountains in terms of self esteem. I went from having such a low view of myself, to having a solid secure view of not just me, but everyone around me.

[@Heyu7her3]

Oh no, my body and my mind hate me (my soul). And also hate each other smdh. 🤦🏾‍♀️ I have high to realistic self/ soul esteem, but the esteem of the other parts is just like "They gonna do what they want regardless".

[@SuLawn]

Wow. You're brilliant. 🤗🙏❤️🙂

[@Kali_Yugahhhh]

💗

[@howtosober]

The hard part about this is that when you've been living in survival your entire life, you're constantly having to go against what you really want just to keep a roof over your head. So as true as this whole video sounds, it's frustrating to listen to in how it assumes that we all just have this awesome range of alternative choices available to us that are more aligned with who we are.

[@heidipriebe1]

I see that as consciously prioritizing survival needs as opposed to self-sabotage. Unless I’m misunderstanding what you’re getting at. This video definitely wouldn’t apply in that context!

[@jicajacobsonkimbreaux]

I'm in a similar situation and need to know how to do this without being unstable, agitated, and angry with myself and the other person 95% of the time, even when they're doing nothing wrong. It feels like I'm at constant war with various parts of myself- the part that values myself as an individual and wants to leave a toxic marriage vs. the part that wants to keep myself safe by controlling my partner vs the part that wants to create a peaceful, stable home for my children.

[@stantrisinhro]

@@heidipriebe1 Hey Heidi and How to sober and others, life as we know it is survival from the "beginning" to the "end", only levels seem to appear to be different. Go level down, and work on not pressing that damn toothpaste that much all the time, if you know what I mean. Have a good one guys!

[@ciaraskeleton]

I'm poor and lived in survival mode for my whole life. Your comment resonated with me because I used to think like this! You are realising a lot, but you're forgetting the part where we accept ourselves, our lives, our situations as they are, bad, good, all the in-between. The idea isn't to have a perfect pain free life, the idea is to sit in your pain and learn how to not just live with it but lean in and love it. It's trying to tell you really important things, if you're willing to listen to it. Negative emotions are just as important as positive ones, and we need to sit and validate every nasty little one of em. I mean...all of them. We build up these mindsets, beliefs, behaviours, that served us during the trauma in our lives. Then we grow up and aren't actually in the trauma anymore but we live as though we are. It takes a long time to be able to feel safe enough to even realise that you can stop doing those things now. Then it's a whole other challenge to start changing the behaviour. But one thing that will literally change your entire life, is listening to your feelings, validating them, radically accepting them for what they are, nothing more, nothing less. Know that all of your anger, frustration, pain, is normal and valid. Know that you as a person are not inherently flawed or bad. You are enough as you are. You might not believe that yet but it's bloody true. You never deserved the pain that life caused you, no one does, and it wasn't your fault. None of it. Let yourself be imperfect and messy, and look at yourself and realise your value and your strength. You've come this far because you're a badass motherfucker, look at you! You survived that shit! And you're still here?? Pat yourself on the back. You will get to that place if you start accepting yourself for who you are, warts and all. (All of these things help with sobriety too, which is another lifelong journey. Don't focus on your failures, focus on every time you wanted to give up and you didn't. You are strong and inherently full of value.

[@sethtenrec]

@@ciaraskeleton < this

[@hannahr2824]

Your videos have introduced me to concepts that feel so basic, but are actively changing my life. The idea that my body might be reacting to change, and that the anxiety and frustration will ease as I settle in, is something that has never occurred to me.

[@TorturedSoul]

I hope you have an amazing day today 🎉 anyone who reads this

[@loosilu]

Holy moly, the timing. Wednesday last week I was fired from my job because I was caught watching videos instead of working. And of course I knew better. I was "sabotaging" myself. For several years now I've hard a hard time doing work and doing art. I need to figure out what the night shift wants. I cannot thank you enough for this.

[@KaylaEchols221]

I quit a job that didn't want me listening to music or videos while working. I stumbled my way into tech/freelance/contract work. I prioritize working places that don't watch my every move so I can work the ways I need. Ex: when anxious, I play Tetris. I'm anxious when I'm processing meetings, work tasks... and after I've played Tetris for about 3 minutes, I've created a strategy, steps, tools, assigned roles... The things that even most managers struggle to do which of often their job😂 All that to say: yes, listen to the nightshift

[@MyOver50]

How's it going now? Have you found a good mix?

[@MyOver50]

@@KaylaEchols221 Yes!! I do the same with Suduko & Solitaire & recently read an article supporting this method. Who knew we were ahead of the study.... lol

[@loosilu]

@@MyOver50 Thank you so much for asking! I work as a defense contactor and deliberately sought out a job where phones are banned and YT videos don't work. I really like the job. But I can't figure out what to do when I don't have work to do?

[@loosilu]

@MyOver50 While I was waiting for clearances to go through, I also took two big trips. The first was a solo Alaska cruise for 9 days, i was terrified of cruises, I had to work through a LOT of anxiety on a daily basis, it was hard but good. The second was a solo trip to Tokyo, which was also terrifying, and one of the most joyful experiences of my life. The Alaska trip was a private challenge. The Tokyo trip was joyful.

[@jontnoneya3404]

EVERY TIME I listen to one of your videos, you seem to hit so many ideas directly on point. It's almost as if you're giving us the keys to unlocking the hidden secrets of our own lives, no matter how baffling our behaviors are. You make such complex and difficult issues understandable and you always provide practical tips for helping us unravel the mysteries ourselves. I simply LOVE THIS! I've been in a lot of therapy over the years and I've worked with some great therapists and some that seemed inept. You are providing insights that I don't remember hearing anywhere else. I guess it's true, when the student is ready the teacher arrives. Thank you for all you do to help people on this site and in real life. I can't express enough how much I appreciate your efforts.

[@jewellynn5497]

Yes she does!! I am completely blown away of how well she explains this!!

[@MyOver50]

I couldn't agree with you more! It's like she's putting together the missing pieces in a way that is easily understood. I'm so happy that I found her.

[@GrymorioDiBarter]

What you are doing here on KZbin with your videos is just incredible.

[@joshliam1967]

These videos have revolutionized the way I feel about my tendency to "self sabotage," thank you.

[@sebastiendeloumeaux7372]

This night shift analogy is awesome. Understanding that conscious and unconscious parts of myself are working for my good but with different priorities is life changing. I have always thought that teamwork is important and it is exciting to realize I can build teamwork within myself. Oh and the realization that everything has trade offs. I am pretty delusional when I get excited so I now understand why I am awlays so resistant to changes when I start a new project. I feel so protected by my shadow now. 😍 Thanks so much Heidi for this enlightening explanation ❤ I can feel my mindset changing after every of your video.

[@JeanneBowman]

I"m going through a bit of a crisis right now and your videos are extremely helpful for understanding WHY I am struggling so much. Thank you so much for making these videos- this one especially, it speaks to something that happened to me that I've really been struggling with.

[@EightyFourThousands84000s]

That "imagine your day-to-day" advice was really helpful. Thanks so much Heidi!

[@susanaluna2522]

This lesson needs to be taught at every school, hospital, place of employment, and play on TV! *Heading over to do some reflection to stop self-sabotage my life.

[@ollend5818]

This is the most helpful and lucid way I’ve ever heard the role of the inner child interpreted. Really grateful for you to have made this, Heidi. Thank you.

[@JohnM...]

Really? I’ve tried talking to my inner child. He just tells me to GFMyself.

[@katie.freitas]

I don't know anybody on KZbin that explains all this better than you. Thank you for sharing this info with that much details and clarity for all of us! Thank you. God bless you

[@amydringering]

Literally got me crying in the shower. 😅 This is exactly what I have been needing to hear. Thank you, Heidi. ❤

[@dseer13]

In my case, my sabotage was stemming from the belief that my flaws made me unlovable. At least if I was flawed more than other people then I was undeserving of love from them. So trying and failing was a major flaw, so I wouldn't even try. I would zone out hard, waste time, procrastinate and ultimately fail and hate myself even more. But at least I wasn't vulnerable to trying and failing in the face of other people who did pass.

[@nj.7325]

I relate.. Im sorry you're going through that. It's incredibly painful and isolating. You may have already but Heidi's video on toxic shame and procrastination is actually about toxic shame and maladaptive coping mechanisms (like procrastination and isolation) so it might also be helpful with that. All the best.

[@sebastianrooks6778]

I found your work after a blindsided breakup with an FA ex-partner. You've helped me understand and have greater compassion for her. I've stayed a follower and am ordering one of your books because your honesty and trauma awareness (cPTSD here too) and writings speak eloquently to the beautifully fucked up experience of being human. Thank you, learning about your work is one of the silver linings of this experience.

[@russellcameronthomas2116]

Same here. Such a jarring and shocking experience. Good thing I was able to learn about FA and also see signs prior to her "cutting and running". I hope you can maintain "no contact" and focus on your own feelings, your own development and growth, etc. I'm 60 days no contact, and I have lost 15 lbs., working out more, cut back drinking, moving cross-country (back home), and more.

[@BrianHart-i6h]

Self forgiveness acceptance of how and why your previous self use to manage life and cope bc your inner child must elevate. Your subconscious higher self is crying out to say trust me!

[@KingStefan11ZZ]

Were you replying to my comment? If so do you mean that my inner child prevented me from taking that job? And my subconscious wanted to take the job but my inner child stopped it?

[@beanl]

I'm honestly doing so much self-work through your videos....

[@anotherbadinfluence3007]

Hi Heidi! Thank you for your immensely honest and helpful videos. Using this to get by a very difficult life situation. You mentioned in a video of Self trust after self abandonment, that it is important to stay in the present with yourself and not in a fantasy world. I request you to please make a full length video on just that. Why we’re in fantasy and how to stay in the present, snapping out of the fantasy. Would mean a lot. Thank you so much for your channel and content. May you be eternally blessed.

[@anthonyw1499]

The day shift/night shift example was genius. I’ve known that goals have the same positive and negative outcomes as the present circumstances for years but this really ripped it open and exposed that I’ve never truly seen both sides I just had the intellectual understanding not the bodily understanding.

[@mendoaninthesky]

To came up with the idea that the self-sabotage side of us is actually trying to protect ourselves and also with love shows how gigantic self-compassion dan self-love of Heidi's heart. I want to reach into that point, and i know by heart, in order to go there (for most of us) we must through a lot of pains and self-works. I hope that i won't give up from this journey.

[@0MOLOTOV]

I don’t know if you’ll see this but, if you can think of a good approach, I’d LOVE a video on being ok while being physically alone when you’ve been overly attached to people. I broke up with my ex of 8 years and now live alone, and I’m going through genuine despair at the idea of living alone now, despite so badly wanting to accept it. Your shadow work series seemed to be timed perfectly. I don’t want to fill my space with another attachment figure just to avoid my physical loneliness. I also realize I was probably too attached to my mum in childhood which doesn’t help this feeling. I want to be independent and happy alone without a romantic partner around to constantly co-regulate, so so badly. Your channel is one of the biggest helps I’ve ever found emotionally and spiritually. I can’t tell you how grateful I am.

[@valentinavsl4148]

I am going through the same thing, I feel you. First time alone for almost a year now after many years... It takes a lot of time and maybe the result will not be what you expect. Maybe you will find out that you don't want to be alone but in a less desperate way. I'm reaching the conclusion that although I can survive on my iwn and I will if I have to, I don't want to... It just helps building resilience so that you don't fall into the wrong relationships for you just to cover the pain

[@0MOLOTOV]

@@valentinavsl4148 absolutely, couldn’t agree more. It’s so hard to imagine that the future isn’t fixed, that there are new unknowns now and that’s okay. What heidi said in this video about nervous system shock, I feel so strongly. I had to move house AND jobs on top of breaking up so I’m now in a completely new world and my nervous system is in complete disarray. I’m also in a new polyamorous relationship with someone who I see a few times a week but who can’t just move in and replace my ex. I’ve found I projected all the loneliness onto that, which is unproductive, and I want to just work on myself, instead of requiring a partner to live with me to soothe the pain. I appreciate your advice. Thank you.

[@Heyu7her3]

Not that I need validation _(I'm avoidant not codependent),_ but the research stats about single women having happier and longer lives helps me

[@Ethereally13]

OH MY GOD I don’t know if she ever made this video, but I am so excited to see your comment. It’s been difficult to find people experiencing this on google. I’m single for the first time in 13 years and I feel like I’m going insane without an attachment for regular co-regulation. I’m 4 months into it and just starting to feel a little normal.

[@0MOLOTOV]

@@Ethereally13 hello, sorry to hear you're struggling with it! It's really fucking hard, I can empathise so hard. It does get easier. I'm in a relationship where I don't live with my partner, I just see him a few days a week. I also see a friend usually once or twice a week. That's very regulating to me, and over time as I've gotten used to it, my nervous system is able to calm down while I'm in the house alone. It's become more normal. It's still difficult sometimes, stuff often comes up that destabilises my peace, but overall living alone is pretty calm now! Some things that really helped me are: routines, decorating my house to be comfortable, finding comfortable safe spots in my house, working regularly, therapy, being honest with everyone. How about you?

[@corylcreates]

I want to be a novelist. I know I want this. All the day-to-day bits of being a novelist (planning the book, writing the first drafting, doing multiple passes of edits, formatting and designing the book for paperback and ebook) interest me and are sources of enjoyable. But I'm afraid of the financial instability. I feel like I should have a safety net for my income. I feel like I should be cautious with this dream, in case it flops and I don't have money. My inner child fears that instability and fears being so desperate for money to take a job I hate. My adult self knows that my current job, while it doesn't make me a lot of money, is a job I'm good at even though it's not my dream. My inner child doesn't want to spend all my time on this job, but she's also afraid of poverty again. She's afraid that she can't do both (work a safe, easy job and work on my dreams) because there isn't enough time in the day. But there is enough time in the day.

[@iveylynmay]

@corlycreates you can do it. You can write a book and get it published. Do it.

[@dearbrave4183]

...but there is enough time in the day

[@bakytasykbayeva2300]

I like this topic, because it was very helpful to know that I shouldn’t fight myself, but instead listen to my subconscious mind. Thank you, Heidi! You’re doing a great job.

[@meganjohnson9540]

Thank you so much for doing this Heidi! You are helping me so much. Please don’t stop.

[@nj.7325]

Thank you for helping me feel able to live. I have severe depression and day to day is a struggle. Thank you I don't have the words for how much you have helped me. Life is so beautiful and my mind is so beautiful. I will do my best.

[@kirbyaugustine761]

Definitely giving this a re-listen. Amazingly, I’ve heard of and have done some research on the topics of healing the inner child and completing shadow work. I’ve been avoiding delving into both and I’d surmise it’s my shadow selfs way of avoiding exposure. Our mind/ body are ingenious at subconsciously protecting us even if we are completely unaware consciously of it’s mission. Great video. Thank you for what you do and know you are appreciated.

[@dseer13]

your eyes are absolutely gorgeous and the contrast between the black hair and black sweater is beautiful too.

[@LazarusFeels]

The tool of "visualizing what you are at the moment" works great for me too. Has helped me decipher my emotions + what I want multiple times over!

[@ilikeitlikethat7305]

Finally! I understand what the “shadow” self is. Thanks Heidi!

[@jean-victorcote5825]

This is definitely not shallow work. This presentation is very well put together.

[@yuliacymbura3677]

Heidi, the work you do is so important, so needed. I hope it reaches as many people as possible. Thank you & I love you

[@CreativeImpulse]

As someone with dissociative identity disorder, this is an _extremely_ important video that I'm going to be sending to other plural friends. It's ironic because having DID means our "apparently normal" and "emotional" parts are actually differentiated, with sways in the whole decision of the self. This makes it easier to listen to the inner children since they literally have voices and names - and you're spot on about the inner children being crazy resilient. They want what they want; it's what we as a whole want. So much of our therapeutic journey the past few years is learning how to listen to these parts - the "night parts", which years ago the "day parts" really felt like were trying to derail our life. The day parts felt like we were working so hard to achieve what society would deem as a "high functioning life" and the night parts felt like we were literally killing ourselves trying to reach goals that mostly we didn't even want - all for the sake of looking normal. We found that actually listening to these parts and actually taking a step back to do what we _really want_ has hugely reduced internal tension, self-loathing, and boosted esteem.

[@mangothunder7]

Your couch is so trippy, when your hands are down it looks like your arms are spread out

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

Was looking for this comment... I was so distracted, I didn't pay attention to the content of the video! 🤣 Maybe a form of self-sabotage on my part? I feel so silly... :)

[@MissBluebirddays]

Not many videos stop me in my tracks to grab a notebook and pen for an impromptu deep dive into self! Thanks for the incredible content ☺️

[@inannaurania]

Heidi you are amazing! You have a genuine gift for communication. Thank you for doing this work. Very helpful.

[@secondchancehomestead]

How cute! It looks like you are holding your arms wide open for a big hug! 🥰 ❤😊

[@krystalcooke2067]

The part about something bad for you serving a deeper purpose is spot on. I'm working towards giving up alcohol but my insides know that's the only time I really speak my mind. This sounds negative I know but I think realizing this is a break through. Thank you Heidi.

[@marilynwarbis7224]

I find this video so useful. For a long time now I've been aware that I seriously self-sabotage, and I've spent much time wondering why. This video gives me the key to being able to look into the 'problem' and to find out what's going on. Many thanks.

[@mediabreakdown8963]

This is everything I needed to hear today. I’ve been thinking for years that I “don’t love myself,” and struggling with why, and struggling with how to even fix it. It was anger. I have spent 30 years trying to avoid feeling angry. No one taught me how to feel it and express it in a healthy way. As a child, I often saw angry people hurt others-or even me. And before I could ever resolve my own anger from multiple traumas…I got put in school. It was not ok there either. “Anger inhibits a learning environment.” “Anger is not productive.” But it never went away, and had no place to go. I started emotionally eating; being extra nice to people; downplaying things with humor; substance abuse; limerence fantasies; self hatred. But the anger was still there. And every time it would leak out of me-it was in an unhealthy way, and I would feel shame. You have no idea how good it feels to know that I never stopped loving myself. Truly. And when people would use me, abandon me, upset me, and/or hurt me…I couldn’t fight for myself. I have made my life so small-because it’s all I can handle. And I keep devaluing myself in the hopes that “someone will save me this time.” But I’m an adult now. I can just save myself. I’m anxious. I’m scared to try. But I want to. I’ve always wanted to. I just didn’t know it. ❤

[@AicimounLight]

Just discovered you! I drink your words like a knowledge solution!! You're so articulate and sooo clear! My brain adoring you!!

[@nisanozden4589]

Coming across your videos was the best thing that ever happened to me. You put everything in perspective and explained it so well, that it carried my self-growth on a completely different level. I introduced my friends to your videos and everyone finds something from themselves in them!

[@laurewinkelmans9501]

Such a clear explanation that I had never heard before, but it actually makes a lot of sense. I'm currently working through issues I have with myself and this video really helps and comes at the right time.

[@tawnywol2009]

This resonated big time, watching your videos makes me feel like I'm gradually witnessing the Matrix of my psyche and the realm of social navigation gradually deciphering in front of my eyes, and less and less like I'm flying blind through a psychological hurricane.

[@desertboot9755]

This was really good. The part I hadn't realised was about acknowledging the negative aspects of attaining my goals and if maybe there's something in there holding me back. It's hard to get real about the negatives to a dream you've had for so long - I guess we idealise it.

[@caelum9]

It's funny to hear this day/night shift metaphor because I have dreams where I explicitly or abstractly think of topics to work on during the day. Several dreams about attachment issues motivated me to watch a few longer videos on the subject. Dream journaling, and a lot of daytime research, seems to have slowly gotten me to this point and whatever comes next

[@kimburgmuller2617]

Thank you, I have big self sabotage issues. This really helped he look at it in a new way. I never thought of it as self-love, but I can see in some cases I am trying to self protect.

[@jean-victorcote5825]

Merci!

[@joyfuljennifer4125]

Heidi thank you from my heart 🌬 💕 🫂 your video was helpful to me and I will pass it on to those I know would appreciate want to tap into both inner child inner parent. Great video to help us be more flexible with compassion as we all innerstand. So very helpful🙌🏻🫶🏻💕✨️

[@hayleyb467]

I love your emoji game🤗🎐💗 so fun like reading a picture book🔮🧜‍♀️

[@JIRH922]

I just came upon your channel and I can’t thank you enough for making these videos. I feel like you’re holding up a mirror that I could never find. I feel like you are sending a prophetic message, to our inner neglected children, that everything can be okay. Not very many things have made me feel that way. I’m 41 and I have a masters degree in non-fiction creative writing, and no matter how I poured over my life and my experiences, I was never able to understand that I belong to a group. I belong to the group you’re talking to. Sorry if I’m fan-girling too hard, but I feel so relieved,

[@kp4488]

One of the most practical and insightful videos I have ever watched! I need to listen to and digest this information over and over again. I’m going to watch it again and take notes😊

[@capsule2326]

I love that the coach was like... don't think too hard, just lemme know what comes to mind, and what followed was a very VERY detailed and elaborate picture/description of what it felt like to be you right now.

[@garywillett6396]

I’m enlightened by the negative aspect of our desire/ambitions and the process of dealing with that shadow on an incremental basis.

[@ebbyc1817]

This series of five videos is a gift 🎁. Thank you for doing this, Heidi. You have no idea..

[@nervygirly]

This makes sense. I went back to an ex a year ago after a very successful moment in my life. Comfort and reassurance is what I was needing and he reminded me of my dad.. I definitely did not have those needs met in another way. Thank you!

[@Deep-happiness-for-all]

Oh dear Heidi I have to watch every single video from you at least 3 times to comprehend your content completely 😅 thank you for being that amazing ❤

[@skyflowerz]

What appears as self-sabotage is actually a hidden outdated self-protection mechanism we came up with to get through childhood.

[@sethtenrec]

Simply brilliant. Your ability to take wisdom and distill it and teach it is a real gift. Thank you for sharing it.

[@ronaldsheffer8898]

I appreciate your insights and the life skill tools I gain from listening. Thank you.

[@poetryjones7946]

Aw, cool effect, it looks like she’s trying to hug all of us❣️❣️

[@galemartinez6585]

Thanks, I shared this with my family to help with explaining what I am working through! I am making so much progress❤

[@catalystcomet]

This was PHENOMENAL, Heidi.

[@shamanic_nostalgia]

I don't watch all of your videos but i know they are there waiting for me when I am ready, thank you for such helpful resonant content free of charge 🙏

[@AZnomad]

You seem really down to earth, Heidi. Thanks for making these videos

[@AnneSmenos]

Funny heidi really has open arms fir us all. She is a luv! She makes me see things to fix me or have a better understand She can be my personal human brain mechanic because its wonderful to feel wonderful. Heidi my guru! 😊

[@Katrinasana]

I like the idea of the inner parent and it fells more sensible and calming to me than listening to my inner child which I did enjoy until my body was telling me no more. It’s a beautiful way to feel we are always acting from love, but maybe the communication needs clarity and time to adjust and we interpret it at sabotage.

[@luciesupstairs]

interested on your explanation of "attacks on linking" concept...

[@Fefe559]

This is freaking GOLD Please please keep making videos! Amazing!! amazing.... wow

[@xosinamari]

Your multiple definitions of resistance is life changing

[@elonadamhir6896]

This is my favorite channel on youtube right now. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@almamaria57]

This and all of your videos are so incredibly helpful and inspiring. Can’t thank you enough, Heidi.

[@andreio3426]

So very precious content - THANK YOU dear Heidi ❤❤❤

[@jverart2106]

Thank you so much for another great video. I got a bit emotional when you talked about the inner child. I've always been very immature in terms of "adult life" and I have spent a lot of time hating myself for it even though I am starting to love myself more. Currently I am dealing with a lot of "adult crap" in a very inefficient way and deep down I know it is because my inner child is not playing. It's like I don't want to allow him to play. I know he has the answer, but I'm still far from getting in touch with him in order to live my life as I deserve. It feels like a huge risk because he wants to play unconventional games to make me triumph. I haven't watched all your videos yet but I hope you speak more about the inner child. Again, thank you so much for what you do, I really appreciate your work

[@greygoogone5174]

Love that Heidi decides to do a series on shadow work right when I'm going through a dark night of the soul.

[@kd7005]

Ingenious ! The best explantions of self sabotage I found !

[@ellie_sargent]

So inspiring and has encouraged me to view self-sabatoage with lots of self-compassion - thank you!

[@ralica6059]

Heidi, your content has been so helpful and thought-provoking. Love from europe 💕

[@katara9]

I'm really about to get some real healing with all this information. Thank you so so much. ❤

[@biondna7984]

This is so helpful. It helps also that I'm almost 70 and have had plenty of false starts, tastes of this and that, and know fairly well what won't bring me contentment. I know I want to make more money with my primary work, but I absolutely DON'T want the burden of fame. So it's probably going to happen mostly online with a pseudonym. Thank You!

[@jennw6809]

Wow, brilliant! I've been working with my parts more recently and BOY does it get complicated really fast. You just made it so simple here. I love this alternative take on ego states. Just like so many others, you are giving me for free, 1000x what so many therapists never told me. And I was paying the a PRETTY PENNY.

[@user-dq2ym1nn9k]

Thats why I stopped seeing my therapist too. Just a deep knowing that there is simply no way for them to verbalise helpful, informative wisdom to me with this level of clarity... within our 50 minute fortnightly session that cost me $280 and left me feeling empty, messed up and unresolved. My view on therapy has changed. I think it can come from a variety of sources, youtubers, people on the street, journaling, meditation, friends shared experiences, just allowing things time to sink in... the concept of a 50 minute session with an unaffordable pricetag and blindly trusting that the therapist, a complete stranger, is going to understand you and tell you everything you need to hear to solve all your issues is probably on the way out.

[@Stauby_Bobby]

Heidi you truly have helped me so much. Thank you for giving me perspective and the ability to understand myself. I hope you never stop enjoying making KZbin videos ❤

[@dittyman]

I think I need to listen to this again. Trying to wrap my head around what I want that is good with my inner child while knowing the line of uncomfortableness of both inner child and inner parent.. I hope that makes sense 😂

[@lalababy9295]

This video is one of the best videos I've watched amd listened to in my life to help me understand myself lately. Since my mom passed, i don't recognize myself. This helps me figure out why. I listen to it several times a week. Each time, I learn more and more why I have been feeling so lost and confused. Thank you so much!❤

[@peterdeck5472]

Wow. That's alot of expensive, insightful info delivered in 30 minutes. Thankyou.

[@aleciariddick7719]

I was scared to do shadow work because I thought it was witchcraft. Witches on Facebook said they did shadow work. I did not know it was something in psychology. In therapy, my therapist would say I need to discipline my inner child with no scientific way of telling me like you did. Now, I'm getting them to talk. I also suffer from self-sabotage says my therapist but she didn't have a concrete way to explain it. You are such a good help for these things that I really need help with. Thank you for your knowledge time and creativity.

[@toondreamer4438]

ok thank you, this shadow work does sound like something I need to hear right now.

[@aftertonightjazz]

Thank you sooo much for this. You keep saying things that just send up a flare in my brain! I’ve had soo many aha! Moments since watching your channel. Also until you lifted your hands I thought your arms were stretched out to the sides on the couch 😅

[@pingpong4193]

Finding this after feeling so guilty after self sabotaging my last relationship. Phew. Thank you

[@protagorastar1220]

Your explanation helped Katie. I used to get upset at self sabotage and have realized it's more of a process over time. Now I can "self sabotage" with the intention of bigger goals. Kinda like losing battles in order to win the war.

[@fenixrise1272]

This was so helpful. You made me think about self-sabotage completely differently and compassionately. Thank you! ❤

[@BrianHart-i6h]

Thank you for your expessuon of understanding. Very great work.

[@rsamuels6969]

Mind blown- what a great analogy

[@tumblingrosesstudio]

I just want to mention that I watch each section of these recent videos like a dozen times, trying to grasp and process and the amazing new information you are sharing- pure gold, thank you for these

[@LizAdit]

I remember reading Daniel Kanhman Thinking Fast and Slow, and I didn’t understand the book 😅😅. Now the “day and night shift’ analogy has lit a candle in my mind and the book suddenly makes sense. Thanks Heidi. You are a great teacher.

[@ryanl483]

All your videos offer food for thought. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I've just turned 30 and -- although I'm not exactky old -- I need to choose a path for myself, now or never. Thank you for your content 🙂

[@edlouchard565]

30? Now or never? I'm 72, and still choosing paths. I have to slow myself down and listen to all my voices inside to choose as wisely as I can

[@ryanl483]

@edlouchard565 Good luck, ed. I hope you find your path and it brings you joy. It's never too late :)

[@bewilderedlearningevolving]

I've never heard anyone mention an inner "parent" before, but I feel exposed. Or at least one of them do.

[@angelicar2189]

Heidi, thanks for the great video! I love how you conceptualize shadow work and self sabotage in ways I’ve never thought of or seen before. I found the question of if your inner child or inner parent primarily rules your life to be really compelling; for me, its always been my inner child (which has lead to many issues trying to navigate the adult world of responsibility, duty and discipline; I’m writing this comment at 2am when I should really be asleep). I would love to see a video on how to learn to negotiate with your inner parent in a way that can bring positive change/action/achievement in life!

[@tashenkas]

Rather than writing the same thing, I'll second this comment. I've never seen this approach to shadow work before. And I'd also be interested in negotiation video between the two. Thank you for everything, Heidi!