Andrew Tate: How to be a Real Man

[@thespiffingbrit]

*Remember kids the best way to get rich quick is to start your own hustle university and pass the scam on* 😉

[@thespiffingbrit]

@Dudrenk no I will not

[@bushybeardedbear]

Spiff, you should really recommend this video to your audience. The Venn diagram between those who watch you and those who watch Tate probably doesn't overlap much, but there's bound to be a few people you can help. Love your content, amazing job at the Jingle Jam, great to see you comment on such a good creator.

[@Dead_Inside_And_Out]

But that ain't balanced

[@falconeshield]

Peterson just did that!

[@jamessimon2002]

Bro why does youtube do this

[@blackhogarth4049]

Conservative grifters: A real man lives only by his own rules and doesn't take crap from anyone. Also conservative grifters: Do exactly what I say to become a real man.

[@Prederick]

It really is this in a nutshell. The sheer number of rules about how to be a man these "INDEPENDENT UNORTHODOX THINKERS" have is astonishing.

[@seekingabsolution1907]

What they mean is "a 'real man' follows exactly these rules I say they should follow no matter how negatively it impacts their social lives or the well being of themselves or those around them"

[@sidarthur8706]

conservatives are all about heirarchy and mentorship

[@coyotelong4349]

@@seekingabsolution1907 The thing is that a real man wouldn’t NEED to be blatantly disrespectful, negatively impact those around him and alienate others in order to be a real man It’s not hard to be a decent human being who is liked by *most* (nobody will be liked by EVERYBODY) people. Really it’s not. Guys like Tate act like basic human decency is such a chore, but it truly isn’t

[@wawawuu1514]

@@coyotelong4349 Indeed, I'm not sure what to call the opposite of basic human decency, indecency? Anyway, it's way more of a chore to be indecent the way Tate and other sociopaths are, than to be decent. It leads to infinitely more problems (see Tate currently facing legal problems) than to be nice to others. The fact that they claim otherwise just means they have no fucking clue about it.

[@hectorleach-clay2271]

Given that Shaun is a skull, I'm now imagining his dad as a bigger, truck driving skull.

[@BoneMachine1443]

SKULL YEAH HOSS, GOBBLESS

[@meirl5700]

It's like muscleman and muscledad from regular show but massive buff skulls

[@RememberTheDead]

His dad as truck-driving Ghost Rider

[@vt_973]

with a mustache

[@LincDN]

*de-synced bad to the bone begins to play*

[@theprinceofthebadlands5204]

My father is a large and muscular man as well. He is also a lumberjack. He is extremely masculine on all fronts. I was worried how he would react when he found out I was bisexual or when I was dating a Transwoman. What made me realize that he is a positive masculine man was when he told me "Who am I to tell you who to love? As long as you're happy, I'm happy. You're my son, no matter what." That meant a lot to me.

[@winterrayal8960]

That’s what a real man looks like.

[@das8.kapitel260]

My father is not extremely masculine, but he looks like he would be into most of the toxic stuff. So he has a lot of men trying to share their weird views with him, and him just going, "Wtf is wrong with you?!" He is a huge role model.

[@andystevens2772]

Shit that is so wholesome

[@ArturoRivera2004]

that is so confusing to me why date a transwoman when you can just date a real woman

[@theprinceofthebadlands5204]

@@ArturoRivera2004 because... she was a woman? And because I really liked her?

[@zyvlynbayne6821]

One lesson I've tried hard to teach my sons as a father is that to be a good man, you need to be good first, and a man second. So your line about “If you want to be a good man, work on being a good person and the rest will follow" hit hard for me.

[@raidermaxx2324]

True^

[@Sincald]

I really like that, especially as (at least in English) the word _good_ is literally written before _man_ so it works to reinforce the concept a little more

[@Squirl7504]

+

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

Well stated. I say work on yourself and help others in need. Everything else follows from there. Of course, this goes for any gender, including those of us who have none at all.

[@painunending4610]

Just opens up the question of 'what is a good person', and now your judging yourself by that constantly changing and unattainable metric I've never met a good person, I've met people who are capable of good and practice it, but never a good person

[@EnordAreven]

A.T's guide for manliness: 1) get funded by incels 2) do some human trafficking 3) eat pizza 4) get arrested for Human Trafficking

[@lokalkakan]

It's the Greta matrix 🤬 /S

[@jordanchen23]

More like.. 1) get rich by exploiting young women to fleece money from desperate lonely young men 2) build a cult of personality following by claiming you're here to help the very same kind of young men you used to profit off of. 3) appear on several KZbin channels where to argue with women who aren't good at debating. 4) move to a country with looser laws on sex crimes because you enjoy the freedom that comes with it. 5) brag about how you can get away with anything there through bribery and corruption 6) get arrested and complain about how the entire country is corrupt and you'll never get a fair trial.

[@rorycannon7295]

Each step is very important

[@Alextruong0912]

I think #4 should be "get arrested for Human Trafficking by eating pizza" XD

[@lolasdm6959]

Bro only wokies eat pizza, his lost to the matrix because he ate pizza

[@dhampirsilver1260]

Never trust a man or woman who sees the exploitation by the rich, and decides to become a rich exploiter

[@Patryc]

idk man i think people who exploit the rich are great 😉

[@Whazzar]

"Damn, this system is unfair... I'm going to be a part of it and rise to the top!" - Andrew Tate

[@cthulhutube3839]

@@Patryc He’s saying that Andrew Tate became rich from exploiting people lower in status than him.

[@johnmiller6696]

That's capitalism, that's the goal of the system tho

[@riccardo9953]

@@johnmiller6696 so maybe capitalism is not that great

[@pacman5698]

The real guide to being a man: - Be as swift as a coursing river. - Be a miserable little pile of secrets. - Tell the world, forget about it girl.

[@technopoptart]

this is the post we need and deserve

[@Shady_Fungus]

I thought this was gonna turn into a Mulan reference but still was not disappointed.

[@Mene0]

Holy shit, I love this

[@conrad9race1]

can you explain it? i dont quiet catch what it is about.

[@theofficialthehomedepottmy9160]

the first is a reference to the song "be a man" from mulan the second is a quote from dracula in a castlevania game, i believe symphony of the night or rondo of blood And the third im unsure

[@seekingabsolution1907]

It occurs to me that Shaun's avatar has gone from being a leaf covered skull in the woods to being a skull on a pillow in a chair next to a window in front of a computor playing pong. I'm glad he's gone up in the world.

[@khamiszcze]

He just realized one day that he doesn’t want to be a lonely skull in the woods and started his journey to a financial security and high social status by giving life lessons on KZbin

[@TheDanielradio]

Skull got its own apartment now and everything :')

[@emmakane6848]

His office set up also has a really nice cuppa on the desk that makes the whole thing feel quite cozy. It’s like Shaun swapped out the black void for a place where he could be comfortable as he has gotten more secure in himself and his own beliefs/sharing them, as well as finically secure because of how well the channel has been doing. P.S. I think the artist who made the piece is listed in the description of the first video it appeared in, if not this one though I would need to check to be sure.

[@art_of_gutzo]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the tea/coffee cup that's steaming right next to the skull....

[@bareakon]

Skull got bourgeois and lost touch with his roots. Literally. Look at him living it up with his plush throne, CRT Pong and Goku figurine. A real skull-of-the-people would live in milk crate on an industrial site in Wavertree, like me.

[@kireitonsi]

It's always crazy when I venture outside of my circles and I run up against the cold, sad truth of just how popular this grifter is with young boys.

[@markharrison6498]

He’s also a dork and very effeminate. I just don’t get it

[@run2cat4run]

Boys seem to be easy targets and somehow think it’s women’s fault

[@circusmaximus000]

I just realised that the Tates are in cells, and Tate fanboys are incels 🤣🤣🤣

[@isakkleppe1761]

@@circusmaximus000 that was fucking hilarious hoke man. Not

[@jamessimon2002]

The young boys need someone to look up to.

[@xXEGPXx]

He is the 12 year old boys vision of a real man. Fighting, cars, money, girls, cigars. I mean the dude is an actual cartoon character

[@JiMMy-xd8nu]

@GidorahX braindead take :(

[@raidermaxx2324]

Tate is a GTA 5 character lol

[@ramone_2gdw55]

Like johnny bravo?

[@j.goebbels2134]

Sure. Clearly. But that doesn't have anything innately connected with political philosophy, which the video attempts to claim. I mean look at the tech gurus and rich politicians who sold their souls to human traffickers and materialism, etc. Gates, Clinton, Zuckerberg, Besos, etc.

[@breadman161]

@@ramone_2gdw55 Johnny Bravo and Duke Nukem are more positive figures than Tate.

[@dreamgirlfriendevil]

Last year, I watched my flatmate’s relationship fall apart because her boyfriend got REALLY into Andrew Tate and his online money-making scheme. He got so wrapped up in Tate’s ideas of success and masculinity that he stopped being the person his girlfriend fell in love with. The day he started parroting Tate’s misogynistic bullshit was the day they broke up. It was really sad to see this young guy who was obviously feeling insecure being brainwashed by this awful man, to the point where he became unrecognisable to his girlfriend, who loved him for the man he was to begin with.

[@friedrice4015]

I’ve seen this happen to so many couples. A teacher who got too into the trumpverse as lost his wife. A guy from my highschool who got into covid conspiracies and lost his girlfriend. Family members who isolated themselves from others and then ended up at Jan 6th. It’s tragic every time, even if it’s “their fault”

[@thefool309]

I have seen this first hand to.

[@jeanv8249]

Thats really the worst of both worlds - not only he parrots tate’s horrible ideas but also instead of getting welth cars and women he lost his gf

[@gwell2118]

@@jeanv8249 Its honestly pretty obvious, once you get past all the shameless promotion of it its just a bunch of typical online get-rich-quick-schemes. Like trying to get them to take up drop-shipping or day trading but giving advice that's not really any better than an Wikipedia article. Ive seen some people fall for it when they go for the who "real men work only for themselves" gimmick but I tell them based on what your raking in you would make more money just getting a regular job. But no alphas don't do that. Also from what I've seen it doesn't even get them girls either. Most of the people this ropes in are people who don't have the charm, charisma or even manners to keep a girlfriend long term. Like they have problems beyond just working out. But they think they can just alpha people into giving them what they want. Virtually never works.

[@lefrogenjoyer]

Man that's really just sad

[@gking407]

Imagine calling a business “Hustler University” unironically

[@peterprime2140]

Not-a-valid-medical-license Medical School.

[@ericb.4313]

I mean, it's called Hustler U, and should indicate what he's doing and who the mark is.

[@oculttheexegaming2509]

Reminds me of a Romanian saying that goes like this: "you don't need college, you need the school of life" (generally used by people who think they can get by hustling and nothing else).

[@rigelb9025]

In other words : ''This is me scamming you with something which I named in such a non-sensical way so as to make it a dead giveaway that it's a scam. But it works!''

[@JesseColton]

It's really sweet and hilarious to imagine Shaun's dad hearing "And my dad watches my videos so I'm sure he's nodding along right now" and his dad's smiling. And then Shaun says "He also displays other stereotypically masculine characteristics like being a stubborn old git who won't accept help." 🤣

[@kaos922]

Which is only made funnier by imagining his dad as a truck driving skull with a mustache (as described in another thread).

[@marcdavies7046]

This is the British way of saying he loves his dad.

[@AW-sx8hm]

I imagine he'd start laughing, quite loudly, after that last bit.

[@acureforhappiness1586]

what is the timestamp?

[@AW-sx8hm]

@@acureforhappiness1586 somewhere in the first 39 minutes. Hope that helps!

[@joedatius]

this type of hyper masculinity almost ruined my social life. I remember always trying my best to keep my emotions to myself and be "manly" but it basically made me a boring grey nothing of a person. over time i finally let myself be emotionally honest with people and be more open with my interests and thoughts and when i asked my girlfriend of five years what initially made her want to be with me she told me it was because of me being so emotionally available with her. I have a good job, a loving fiancé and great friends and it didn't come from some moronic "alpha guru" it came from me finally living my life like a real person and not a cardboard expectation of what i thought men are.

[@Elvalley]

And shutting your emotions in can blow up in other problematic ways too. I've struggled long with having a short fuse, especially when I feel like I'm being embarrassed or something eembarrassing about me is being made fun of, all because most of the time I try to play this indifferent, cold character. Not to mention perceptive people can probably look through the charade, so it will be looked down on as posturing in the best of cases, and abused by perceptive assholes in the worst.

[@Sarah-re7cg]

I love love love reading comments like this because I get a great sense of happiness reading about other people’s happiness and fulfillment. ❤️

[@diosamurcielaga9418]

☺😎 yes!!!

[@ouchoofmyankle4732]

Off topic but your profile pic is goated-love that anime

[@joedatius]

@@ouchoofmyankle4732 based, its still one of my favs and unironically inspired me to better myself.

[@JuniperArtemis16]

The pink chair story reminded me of something that happened in my family. An older relative joked that my 3 year old nephew had a girlfriend, even though the girl he was playing with was his literal cousin. Later (to prove a point) I joked that his male friend was his boyfriend, everyone lost their goddamn minds. I tried to explain how unfair the backlash is when the older straight adults can joke about toddlers having incestuous girlfriends and no one cared. Nobody took me seriously and said I was “blowing the girlfriend joke out of proportion” but when I said they were doing the same with the boyfriend joke, they all said “that’s not the same thing” It’s ludicrously hypocritical.

[@crazydragy4233]

Rules for thee but not for me!

[@Samantha_yyz]

I've really never understood how ppl with that mindset don't see that as "sexualizing" the kids with its hetero but simply acknowledging queer existence and what is gender is somehow sexualizing kids. Like dang why you setting up two 5 year olds in a little wedding but if you tell Timmy queers exist that's evil?

[@crazydragy4233]

Hipocrisy, and that's it. Their beliefs about the world are natural and not to be questioned but god forbid you go against them at all, you'll become a spawn of Stan@@Samantha_yyz

[@Sir_Bucket]

Damn, respect for holding your ground sister, older folks who think they are right all the time can be really annoying

[@stellviahohenheim]

You're the same as the people you're accusing lol don't act like you have the moral high ground

[@CloudCuckooCountry]

This feels weird to say, and I don't know why but I'll say it anyway: I'm a cis guy who became a lot more secure and comfortable in his masculinity after listening to trans masc people talk about what makes them masculine, or a man. I used to think I was failing to meet some kind of "natural" standard of masculinity or whatever, and it made me extremely depressed, but when I heard trans masc people explain the ideas of "You are a man because you just are one" or "because you choose to be one" and I accepted that, it made me a lot happier in myself. Not much about my outward gender expression has actually changed, but internally I feel a lot more at peace with it all. I guess all I have to say to that is: thanks, fellas

[@lostbutfreesoul]

Indeed, the 'Toxic Masculinity' issue is the harm men are doing to themselves, thinking this is how men must behave. Behavour that happens to cause men misery, because they have to suppress something that all humans have!

[@arigadatred5395]

you're welcome

[@aniuta407]

I had a similar feeling, gaining more comfort in femininity as a cis girl from seeing trans women find joy and expression in it! Before, it had seemed like something thrust on me, expected of me, that I hadn't felt that it was something I could choose without it meaning that I was bowing to those expectations.

[@ladywaffle2210]

Glad to help, mate, even if I'm doing it in the opposite direction from trans men. o7

[@pigmingus1363]

Chill Goblin has a really good video called 'Gender Theory for Dudes', where amongst other things he discusses the concept of gender euphoria as applied to cis people. Definitely worth watching, really helped me interpret and reflect on some of my own thoughts and behaviour.

[@lovenightcraler]

This will probably won't be seen, but I just felt like sharing. I had to pause the video when Shaun start talking about his dad. My dad was also a very masculin presenting man; He was really into hockey and used to work in construction, but he was such a caring person. He was always there for me when I was depressed and would do his best to understand my struggle. When I was questionning my gender, he bought me new clothes to try out. When I socially transitionned, he accepted my new name and my new pronouns without questions. When I went for my surgery, he was the one taking care of me and making sure I was alright. He has passed away at the end of 2020, but I always try to remind myself to be like him. To care and to support. and this video made me realised how much of a good masculin role model he has been and how lucky I was to have him as a father.

[@TJF588]

"Only the good die young," but the young are there to carry them on. You've been set up well for a good life, kindred.

[@mattyb9991]

My father lost a battle with mental health we didn’t even know he was fighting two weeks ago and took his own life, and while I can’t bring myself to write much about him yet I imagine it would be similar to this. May they both rest in peace.

[@cupofcait]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds so lovely. 🥺

[@saml7610]

God bless your father, I'm so glad he was there for you. I'm really sorry for your loss, he sounds like he was an absolutely wonderful man.

[@seraftt]

I'm not crying, I just think that a truck hit me in the eyes

[@thespiceman9367]

Once, my family found out I- a man- owned multiple women’s button up shirts I got from goodwill. These shirts weren’t really explicitly feminine, and the only reason it was deemed a “women’s” shirt was because the buttons and holes were on opposite sides from men’s button up shirts. They made me throw them all out. When I tried to argue with them about it, their cognitive dissonance became evident as they couldn’t really come up with arguments deeper than “it’s a girls shirt”. I think about that a lot in how vague and arbitrary gender norms can have such strong social control.

[@aidanwarren4980]

yoooo fellow thrift-shopping blouse-wearing man! I'm in the same position but luckily my family has no problem with it. Shirts made for women often have a better variety of colors and patterns than shirts made for men.

[@sasentaiko]

Talk about stealing the shirt off your back, wow. I'm so sorry your family did that. A similar story that's happened multiple times to me: at an outdoor event, I'm talking to a guy around the same build/height as me who is clearly very cold and is regretting his outerwear choices. Maybe he even complains out loud. So then I, who brought too many layers because I get cold even indoors, offer him my extra jacket, vest, long-sleeve shirt, or whatever. This usually throws cis men off, so I know to offer multiple times or try to say something reassuring after they decline the first time. Eventually, I realized that the most useful thing I could add is, "it's actually a men's _____" and then they'll take it with no complaint or shame. On one hand, I'm glad they're warmer. On the other hand, it's sickening to me because, as an AFAB trans person who they've only ever seen wearing clothes from the men's section, it should be bloody obvious that I'm not offering him women's clothing, and certainly not anything that would cause ME gender dysphoria, nevermind them! These guys are so insecure about their manhood that my transness is enough to turn honest-to-goodness mens clothes into women's clothes in their minds.

[@Copperyfoxx]

As I will keep repeating forever: “all clothing is gender neutral if you’re not a pussy about it”

[@camcorl7921]

@@sasentaiko then there is me who comes from a cold place and moved to a warmer place so i wear shorts in winter. I will continue to do so no matter what people say.

[@BalthorYT]

@@Copperyfoxx This comment radiates Big Dick Energy, which is also gender-neutral and genital-neutral if you ask me

[@iambuhlockay8007]

One of the strangest examples of fragile masculinity that I dealt with was some of my guy friends in high school didn’t want to ever text another man (didn’t matter what it was about) because it “felt gay”.

[@williamchamberlain2263]

Weird

[@braydentobin5150]

Fellas, is it gay to talk to people?

[@arsenal4444]

@@braydentobin5150 LMAO

[@ChristophBrinkmann]

Gonna guess he doesn't let soap touch his butt. "ThAt'S hOw YoU gEt ThE gAy!" Yeah that's not how this works guys, lol. Not how this works.

[@arsenal4444]

@@ChristophBrinkmann Fellas, is hygiene gay?

[@un1d]

One small insignificant part of the whole “alpha male” clique that always strikes me as bizarre is the extreme disconnect between what physical ideal is attractive to women according to these men, versus what most women actually find attractive. Tastes differ, of course, but seeing men claim that they need to be roided-up bodybuilders with a massive beard to attract women while an entire generation of teenage girls is swooning over smooth, thin feminine boys from Korea is bizarre.

[@Gloomdrake]

Part of it is them projecting their personal opinion of what's attractive in a man onto women. "It looks cool to me, so it must look cool to women, right?" is basically the logic. You see it with a lot of men who start lifting weights to garner admiration from women, only to find it draws in more admiration from other men

[@rorycannon7295]

I mean to be fair those smooth feminine boys from Korea can fucking DANCE

[@eugenefanboy4478]

So what would most woman find attractive? I feel like a healthy and strong body is a sign of discipline, recognized by most of society. It's not that you have to roid up and act like a douche lol. It's a presentation of your hard work and consistency. This can definitely be attractive to woman. For inherent, genetic, reproductive reasons, and the previously mentioned. It seems to me you view this from a stance of insecurity. I could be wrong. But to say that they're disconnected from the physical ideal and woman's desire is ironic, because that's not the inherent reason to look the way they choose. They chose to strengthen themselves through hard work, and in turn, woman find that attractive. Even tate himself isn't jacked. And without giving any opinion, it's within Tates ideas. That you shouldn't chase woman, rather chase what's best for you. And then to bring cultural desires from a country that isn't even the culture your criticizing seems like a reach for excuses. I tend to not idolize or fanboy over anyone. I just look at each individual situation at face. And Tate isn't a god, but this seems silly. Call me what you want 🤷.

[@rverasart]

@@eugenefanboy4478 women like all kinds of bodies, being jacked is not a sign of health, there are many health signifiers and capability signifiers that are far from the idea of being a bodybuilder, if anything being a bodybuilder signifies that that's your only job, while different standards signify you have other qualities and so on and so on

[@jgmediting7770]

@@rverasartbeing a body builder signifies huge insecurity rather than strength.

[@halbarroyzanty2931]

Another piece of advice for lonely young men. Remember that sex is not a separate entity from the woman who "gives it to you", it is a mutual experience that you share together, and trying to make it as enjoyable for her as it is for you will only make it better

[@fls128]

I think what a lot of these sexless guys want is intimacy rather just sex, the feeling of being desired by a girl. If sex was the end all be all of it, every incel would just go have fun with prostitutes.

[@santiagogarza8121]

This! You enjoy sex 100x more when the girl wants it a lot, enjoys it and finishes. It's truly another level. Also you'll connect a whole lot better

[@alecchristiaen4856]

Added to that: do NOT take advice from the so-called "pick-up artist" community. They claim to have the secrets to how to sleep with a load of women, but the tricks only work once in a couple hundred attempts, they basically recommend psychologically manipulating and abusing women, and they don't even seem to enjoy the sex at all, often describing it in very clinical and asexual terms. (nothing wrong with asexual people, but I imagine that a person who doesn't care for sexuality will describe the act in a vastly different way than a someone who does). It's as if being taught fishing techniques by a guy who lives nowhere close to water, the trick is to just use a comically large net all day, and neither this guy or you even know how to prepare a fish dish in the first place. You'll just end up buying a book full of hogwash, and buying in to the info within will result in a downward spiral of misogyny and unhappiness.

[@Archielolol]

Rare anime profile pic w

[@lady8jane]

Also increases the chance that you get to do it again. Just saying. ;)

[@bdellovibrioo5242]

The ribbing you give your dad, knowing that he'll watch, is the most adorable thing ever.

[@chadatchison145]

I know right, it was rather touching.

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

Are you his dad?

[@itsMauri]

it is me, i am the father

[@lunalegion]

Down to the bone.

[@chadatchison145]

@@itsMauri It's a pleasure to meet you. It's easier for me to be a good person than it is for me to explain why people like Andrew Tate is a terrible person other than the obvious, so even though I'm old (50) and have a lot of knowledge, I need people like your son to help me articulate the nuances that so many people fail to acknowledge. He's been a great help, thank both of you. :)

[@thefez-cat]

Someone should tell Andrew Tate that a real man must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon and all the strength of a raging fire -- while remaining as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

[@SpireSpore]

A Mulan reference! I love it

[@Sherrykurah]

🤭

[@kaptenlemper]

He wouldn't understand it, tbh

[@TheRedKing247]

BE A MAN

[@baldrickthesphereofamusement]

This made me laugh for far too long help

[@david_martin_per]

"dudes who only treat them like characters in a dating Sim trying to speed run their clothes off by using the right ratio of pic kup lines to negs or whatever else" I honestly died of laughing on this one

[@12321dantheman]

the corners of my lips didnt even twitch

[@NunoCorreia-mq2ow]

@@12321dantheman Guess it hit close to home.

[@12321dantheman]

@@NunoCorreia-mq2ow at least my sense of humour more than just 'someone said the correct opinions in a slightly quirky way'

[@octobre1971]

@@12321dantheman bro is mad that someone found something funny

[@maschaorsomething]

@@12321dantheman That's most political humor. "Haha, they drew the people I don't like as an overweight, obnoxious, yelling troll! That's funny, because I agree with it!"

[@bassguitarbill]

It took a brave friend having a really uncomfortable conversation with me for me to realize that "women are people too", which I now consider to be the most important conversation I've ever had. Hopefully this video can help other folks like me make that logical leap.

[@reknakfarg7252]

What did you think woman where before?

[@derekofbaltimore]

@@reknakfarg7252 i wouldn't want to dog pile on someone who made a change and admits his faults but i too am curious as to how his original world view worked

[@bassguitarbill]

@@reknakfarg7252 I thought I had them figured out completely, I thought if I did action A, the woman would respond with reaction B. This woman is a feminist, the internet says that feminist women don't want relationships, so I'll basically tell her I want to hook up without a relationship, and that should be my ticket in. Not once did I consider talking to her about what feminism meant to her, or what she was looking for relationship-wise, I assumed that she would react a certain way because women are entirely predictable.

[@bassguitarbill]

I feel like if you absorb culture where men are portrayed actively and women are portrayed passively, your brain (well, my brain anyway) learns to see only one gender as capable of making decisions.

[@kaitlyn__L]

@@bassguitarbill that’s really interesting. Basically what you’ve described there is a solipsistic automata type view. Albeit as you say applied only to women, not all other people. I had no idea some people thought that basic of a disconnect, but it does help to explain a lot. Thank you!

[@jonathancangelosi2439]

Patriarchal masculinity treats sex like something you “get” from someone rather than a shared experience. During my first sexual experience, it hit me pretty hard that there is, in fact, another person in the room. Complete with their own thoughts, issues, and insecurities. It’s extremely vulnerable for both people. I think a lot of men try to cut off that sense of vulnerability, which ultimately leads to extremely poor sex, especially for the woman. Frankly, I can’t think of anything more emasculating than refusing to learn how to please a woman.

[@painunending4610]

No woman wants me to please them 😎 No woman wants me to be vulnerable with them 😎

[@xXWorldgamefunXx]

It also goes the other way around: many women just expect their male partners to not be insecure, to lead the entire interaction and to perform masculinity (being ready for sex everytime, lasting long, having a certain body etc.). I don't think that many women even realize that men also have insecurities and feelings in this regard. I'm 100% being serious. Even in progressive discourse we make fun of men for these things all of the time pretending that they just don't care about women's pleasure. I think it's the other way around. I think people care way less about the pleasure of men in this regard. Why is this never called out? I mean, talking about sexual insecurities of men is LITERALLY a taboo topic. On the other hand it's not stigmatized at all to talk about the experience of women.

[@maybemablemaples2144]

@@xXWorldgamefunXx Well it's because of the fact that women have worked extremely hard to even make those conversations happen. We know what men are insecure about but for me, trying to talk about it even in the most accepting terms most guys just get worse about it. I mean there's also the fact that men can just...you know kill if they think they aren't in control so a lot people (at least me) would just rather joke about it cause it's really hard to actively change a system when you know....

[@xXWorldgamefunXx]

​@@maybemablemaples2144 What the actual fuck.. You have a partner, a male friend or any other male person in your life who is insecure (maybe regarding anything sex related) and instead of talking with him about it you make fun of him because you are afraid that he will kill you? Uhh... what. How are you the victim here? When you make fun of men for not adhering to rigid societal pressure, then you are the perpetrator. Or am i misinterpreting what you mean with making jokes? Because it would make zero sense. Like, just look at it this way, men are the victims of 70% of violence in my country (germany) this doesn't mean that I'm afraid of other men for no reason just because statistics say that they are more likely to kill me (more likely than you btw.). This also doesn't give me the right to police other people for not performing masculinity? Huh!? Dude, when a girl I'm dating is insecure and asks me "oh, is my belly too big?" and then I say "in accepting terms", "yes it is, but I'm fine with it". Do you think she will take it lightheartedly? Like lmao, nah, this is not even a male thing, this is a human thing. It's actually extremely easy to not make a topic taboo. You just openly talk about whatever is taboo like it doesn't mean much to you, you don't make jokes about it like that and you just talk about it in a neutral way. That's it. I mean, I just find it funny that so many people have a huge issue with something like slut shaming, but then they make derogatory comments about men for not performing enough masculinity during sex or for being unmanly due to their bodies. Kind of hypocritical in my eyes. Uhh... what?

[@patrickbateman1660]

Women take the submissive role in sex. Tate argues that this is true and it is. Allowing a stronger person to enter you and be in control is submissive.

[@Murmarine]

I work out not for the fact to be attractive but for the simple reason of wanting to carry my friends around like suitcases under my arms. The concept is infinitely hilarious to me.

[@JABN97]

Same here, it’s not a primary reason but it’s a great side benefit to just casually pick someone up & start walking around, very hilarious

[@SinHurr]

Excellent reason. 100/10

[@anaionescu8913]

I, too, want to get into the gym, not necessarily to look better, but to be able to carry a comical amount if heavy boxes like it's no problem. And I'm also a bit biased, because I think muscles on women are infinitely sexy, and I want that for myself

[@Murmarine]

@@anaionescu8913 In muscle mommies we trust, my friend.

[@Gabriel_Blair]

reminds me of the "i work out to protect my cat herbert"

[@milkmanswife93696]

just an anecdote from my adolescence: once a friend of mine in high school who often acted queerphobic against me confessed to me in private that he had no problem with me being queer, but asked me to not tell anyone that he didn't.

[@skiplogicgg]

what did you say to that? i honestly cannot imagine responding

[@Mentyr]

I'm kind of a natural misfit and I can relate: So many people during my adolescence where assholes in company but alright in private. I could never quite wrap my head around that..

[@KiwiJJams]

a load of girls in my school just decided I was a lesbian one day (I never came out as anything in school, and I'm not a lesbian anyway), they cornered me in class one day and insisted "its okay if youre a lesbian, we will support you" but I knew that coming out would mean one of two things. 1. They'd bully me anyway but theyd KNOW how I identified myself if I came out which would mean they could tailor their bullying more specifically. 2. I'd be the token queer in class that they'd parade around to act virtuous and progressive despite being personally cruel to me and disgusted by me. Its weird, idk if it would have felt better to know the bullies were just acting queerphobic but in private they were cool with it, or if it was better for the trendy girls to insist they're totes allies despite it being patently false...

[@Copperyfoxx]

That’s so sad in so many ways.

[@nont18411]

That shows how toxic peer pressure could be.

[@jloiben12]

Tate’s lawyer: Andrew just plays a character online. That isn’t really him. Andrew Tate: behaves the same way as his online character in reality

[@wowbaggertheinfinitelyprol6262]

It's called "method acting" - you have to behave like the character in order to convincingly become the character.

[@Doctor-Infinite]

@@wowbaggertheinfinitelyprol6262 i’m so used to Andrew Stans that I can’t tell if you’re joking or not lmao

[@ryanweible9090]

the funny thing is, i watch a guy who plays a character online, dom marzetti, a comic who plays a dumb but lovable weightlifter. its clear that he is joking and does not believe the dumb stuff that he says. Now i do not watch much tate outside of what has been shown on the channels because he is just repellent, but i could show clips from hundreds of broscience videos, and in every one its obvious that "dom" is joking and doing some really clever satire. thats the difference.

[@lordskeletor481]

@@ryanweible9090 another good example of this is Tony Zaret!

[@getafix2325]

Lol the best defense ever.

[@felixmcphie]

Some more advice for young men from me, a slightly older man who’s been through the rightwing meatgrinder of masculinity: given that women are people, they might simply not find you attractive and so you won’t be able to sleep with them, but that doesn’t mean you’re unattractive, you just haven’t met someone who’s found you attractive. If you want to meet a woman, go to a place where women are going to meet people, don’t try to meet women while they’re working out, they don’t like it. Women will have different tastes in men, like wildly different, but what is really attractive, is an ability to take criticism or banter confidently. Be self-aware, and don’t be discouraged by embarrassment, because that’s often endearing. And finally, as a man you are entitled to feeling good about yourself and being looked after by people and breaking apart in your friends’ arms. You are entitled to be small and tired and broken, you don’t have to face all of this alone. Life is really hard for young men right now, and it’s okay not to know what you’re doing, but if your heart’s in the right place, you’ll find the right role models. Stay safe kings 💖

[@zorro......]

oh this is such good advice! I've seen too many men say "women will say they want xyz but when I do it, they wont date/have sex with me" and ignore the compleeetely individual and possibly genetic factors that might affect who we are attracted to as individuals! Just because you tick all the boxes in theory, it still means you might not be attractive to her. That's no one's fault, and you won't feel better blaming her or yourself. Andddd everyone is someone's type.

[@VicStrange9]

Now this is positive and good advice. Also reminder to all young and not so young men out there: we're all struggling here. It makes a lot of sense for women to misunderstand your actual and very real kindness if you're not really good at social interactions. It can be misconstrued not just as weakness but, also, as a pretension, and lets be fair, women are incredibly mistrusting of men altogether. Just like a lot of guys will overlook a lot of red flags if they think the girl is hot enough, women do this too, and it creates a negative loop of finding the wrong people and becoming progressively more and more angry and sad with the world. Also consider: if you are damaged, its not hard to find yourself attracted to, or meet, someone who is also damaged, and that person might as well hurt you to keep their own internal trauma rolling. So love yourselves, and if you find someone that you know is gonna play with your feelings, just skedaddle. Fast, in fact. You're hurting yourself even further. Dont seek to befriend someone who doesnt like you or care about you as a human being, just like women get told to not sleep with guys who want to treat them as objects. There is a bit of confidence that only comes out of you learning how to face an uphill battle, and that bit of confidence can be the foundation for a renewed sense of self that will be better than the self of yesterday. I cannot promise that it will be attractive to women, but it is meant to give you peace of mind, which is very underrated.

[@PatrickWDunne]

This is better advice than Tate could ever give ❤️

[@chriscorben-green2640]

Continuing from your excellent post, I would add that although it can be difficult, men have to try remember that dating apps are not real life, and that the best thing they can do, is uninstall those apps from their phone.

[@monus782]

I was also through the meat grinder through religious fundamentalism and it was interesting to find the parallels of what I went through and why some follow this guy, I appreciate the advice as I’ve been single all my life (again in no small part because of my earlier religious phase) so I’ve felt a bit lonely at times and wondered if anyone would want to go out with a late bloomer like myself but I know my own shortcomings and what I have to bring to the table, even then I’ve tried to make peace with the possibility that I might not find a partner but I’ll remember the advice given here.

[@zoecanizares1007]

aragorn being the pinnacle of positive masculinity is hilarious and so accurate tbh

[@Icemann89]

That's why he's the King.

[@tylermcneeley3136]

Well no, he's the king entirely because of his blood. But Aragorn is a good king at least

[@joannamyers1268]

I like that he's not just the pinnacle of positive masculinity because he's a king and a badass sword fighter, which he is. But he's also compassionate and a healer as well.

[@SinHurr]

@@joannamyers1268 Multiclassing into Paladin has its perks

[@thelordstarfish]

He really is kind of the full package: Strong, determined, brave, charismatic, a natural-born leader, like, dude was acting like a king long before he ever became king... While also being kind and compassionate, entirely unashamed to wear his heart on his sleeve. Low-key one of the nicest things with how The Lord of the Rings portrays its characters, both in the books and the movies, is that *everyone* cries, and it is never portrayed as a failing on their part.

[@JessicaZane4realz]

What do you call Andrew Tate in a Romanian prison? In-cell

[@tenmass6869]

💀

[@Rettequetette]

A Hungarian prison? Not Romania? Anyhow, I really like this 'bad' pun ;-)

[@deadfr0g]

@@Rettequetette Depending on how they’ve been feeding him, he could be very Hungary by now.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

@JessicaZane4realz 🤣😂🤣 Brilliant!

[@deadfr0g]

God this is the worst joke I’ve ever made

[@Mantafirefly]

People who say "Women don't want nice guys" really mean "Women are very good at seeing through the nice guy act from men with an agenda". Once you realise that, everything said afterwards makes much more sense.

[@VicStrange9]

Conversively, people who say "men just want sex" really mean "I've only found men who want me for my body". Once you realize that dismissing others who dont believe the exact same as you do is easy, everything becomes crystal clear.

[@Bunny-xr7cx]

@@VicStrange9 like sexist men, sexist women exists to. But its not largely influential like the redpill b.s

[@aaroncabatingan5238]

@@Bunny-xr7cx People can be assholes no matter what gender they are. It's just that straight males are more prone to be duped by conservative grifters than women.

[@VicStrange9]

@@Bunny-xr7cx you be like "what the fuck is Twitter" and also "what the fuck is the stupid concept that has been thrown around for ages". If you think "the redpill" guys, basically either teens who have no social skills or divorced men on their fifties are more influential than one of the most overused tropes in female education for centuries now, I wonder how is it that we dont live in a world where 90% of men are redpilled. And here comes an interesting one: saying "women dont want nice guys" is sexism, while saying "men only want sex" is a "common and well known truth that nobody argues against". Not to mention, if we have to wait until sexism is prevalent on women for us to consider how damaging it is we really lost the plot somewhere. We're not supposed to let shit fester until we're all at the same level of sexism. That's not equality.

[@HonestAristocrat]

Women love a nice chad. Just not a nice beta. Nice chad is probably likeliest to get laid. Women will throw themselves at him because "omg he's so nice and cute". Now, the nice beta will just get used.

[@romxxii]

Having hung around a lot of gay people, I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing gayer than worrying about what other men think of you.

[@Copperyfoxx]

On a similar subject - what could possibly be more manly than two dudes banging? Like, for real.

[@ashleydelfin4768]

As a gay man, this has been the most solid burn I ever read. This wasn't a read, it was a postdoctoral thesis that obliterated a literary genre.

[@ladywaffle2210]

I'd like to raise "crossing your legs over one another when you sit down" as possibly being slightly gayer, but only because lesbians also do it and they do not give a single isolated fuck about what men think of them

[@Vesperitis]

"Oh my god, do you think he noticed me? Does he think I'm cool? I think he's so cool, but what if he doesn't think I'm cool?!"

[@scotchegg867]

@@ashleydelfin4768 as a gay man you should oppose the extremely normalised and prevalent usage of male homosexuality as a way to insult or mock other men being hyper concerned with what other men think of you is widespread among straight men, hence the widespread obsessive gender policing, including by doing things like this guy just done, using "accusations" of homosexuality as a way to insult and attempt to get men to conform think about it. you're a gay man but you think calling them gay is not only a burn but the most solid burn you've ever read. that is totally lacking in self respect

[@loorthedarkelf8353]

(EDIT: Thanks for everyone who helped beat back the incel 💚 ) My parents were SO CONFUSED how my brother was so popular with all the gals in school, but at 17 the guy knew balls to bones that he wanted to be a stay at home dad and didn't give a fuck what society had to say about it. Surprise! A lot of young ladies were eyeballing possible careers and the idea of a guy who was not only willing to stay home with kiddos but HYPE about it meant there'd be no fights on that front. Anyway he's got 2 adorable kiddos now, and fucking loves his life as a dad, and his wife is a traveling nurse who takes contracts from hospitals who need extra staff NOW. They make an exceptional team 💚

[@adarshkamoda9183]

That's so sweet! Congratulations to your brother for getting his dream life!

[@loorthedarkelf8353]

@@adarshkamoda9183 I'm so happy for him, and my nieces are so stinkin cute 😍 the eldest is really into capturing live insects right now.

[@joutakujo9773]

@@RadicallyGreen you don't even know how he looks.

[@michalsoukup1021]

Goals!

[@moonsaves]

​@@RadicallyGreen yeah, totally sounds like he must be good looking if his parents were confused why he was getting girls.

[@vooveks]

I know a female teacher who has recently directly experienced a male pupil saying he doesn’t have to listen to her because she’s just a woman. I’m pretty sure it’s because of Tate’s influence, mainly because she said it was very unusual in her years of teaching. It’s horrible - she said that one of the many bad aspects of it was that she felt that she had to deal with it alone, because calling a male teacher in to help would make her look weak in front of this kid. I think the only real way to deal with this is for schools to have sessions where they talk about this stuff and make the pupils, male and female, discuss the issues and hopefully expose the stupidity of this toxic masculinity and obviously the damage it causes. This video would be a great source of arguments and examples.

[@michaelgoldstein8516]

@@vooveks forcing these kids to explore the problematic side of something they have been manipulated into following may not help all of them, but at least for a brief time they will have to consider the negatives of what they’re subscribing to.

[@vooveks]

@@michaelgoldstein8516 Sure, and it’s kind of the same thing as I was suggesting in my original comment, except they’re doing it like they’re administering a punishment, akin to ‘lines’, whereas I’m suggesting they actually have proper classes/sessions where they discuss things. If you just make them write essays without explaining why, it won’t be that effective in my opinion.

[@TheKorbi]

I could imagine that a competent male teacher brought in could successfully explain to this kid that his misogynist worldview doesn't make sense. I feel like the female teacher doesn't have to solve this on her own. If she can, good for her, but if she can't, she loses nothing by seeking help from other men. The kid already believes that women are incompetent, no matter what she does. I find that such people, especially kids, tend to be persuaded mostly by confidence of the persuader, and less by evidence. They'll have their worldview and perceive only evidence that'll support their view. A good thing to do, also, would be teaching children (and quite some adults, too) how to successfully think and how to form opinions based on evidence rather than confidence, and how to recognize evidence and judge it's worth.

[@taffykitty1016]

Someone said something to a woman that she didn't immidiately like - it's horrible, we should do something about it! Men being sent to wars, divorce raped and their kids taken from them, commiting sui 4 times more often and living on the streets 3 times more often - it's okay, men should just men up I guess! Clown society

[@adrenalynn1015]

Yes & one thing I would add is to make sure to protect the girls & other marginalized genders in those discussions because being open & honest can have negative repercussions afterwards. Don't tell the children it's a safe space to share if it actually isn't. Teachers aren't necessarily trained for this but there are lots of outside groups who can safely facilitate these kinds of discussions.

[@zainmudassir2964]

Shaun , a skull with sunglasses, taught me more than these 'macho' clowns who really are sexual predators

[@user-xl5kd6il6c]

Can such a thing even be achieved when women throw themselves to sleep with them for their fame, status and money? Sounds to me that you are coping that these macho "clowns" have to be predators, or that affects your way of viewing the world Your jealousy is evident

[@zeyadsaeed9580]

@@user-xl5kd6il6c not all women would "throw themselves" for these types of people. Some would be disgusted. Moreover, instead of pursing a faithful and noble women (or even many womens) and settling down. These women pursue you for your wealth alone, which is indeed a factor, but happiness doesn't have direct proportion to money.

[@user-xl5kd6il6c]

@@zeyadsaeed9580 Don't strawman what I said. I didn't specify the type of women that would, I asked why would someone that has everything to have consensual sex with most women that approach them, have to even consider the option of "being a predator" He became a muslim and has children, he seems to be over the need for one night stands with randos.

[@GioGioPietromica425]

@@user-xl5kd6il6c Was he *really* strawmanning if you deleted your original comment? Also it doesn’t matter if he “stopped having one night stands with randos” he’s still a total piece of shit

[@andreabenton7798]

@@user-xl5kd6il6c Please articulate your point better Cause the middle part of your comment sounds like you just had a stroke. I really can’t understand what point your trying to make

[@Bashfluff]

As someone who detransitioned (AMAB), my experience with manhood is nothing like what it was before transitioning. I’m accepted as a man, now, and from what I’ve learned through how others talk about and treat me, it comes from me acting more independent and less insecure. I used to define myself through external validation and the expectations of others, before and after transitioning. Didn’t lift weights because I thought it’d make me look less feminine, spent more time with my partners than I did alone and did what they wanted to do to “earn” their love, agreed with them when I didn’t agree with them, etc. As of yesterday, it’s been a year since I detransitioned, and after asking my husband yesterday if I should cut my hair, he said he liked long hair (though he didn’t seem to feel strongly about it). But I cut it anyway, and after seeing it, he said he liked it more than how it looked long. I’m happy watching shows by myself, going out and doing things alone, having hobbies that my partners aren’t interested in (or even ones they don’t think much of). I do things for myself more, spend money on myself more, and I act like myself more. I lift weights, I deepen my voice, and other things like that-but only because they make me happy. They feel validating instead of something I do for others to validate me. That’s my experience with positive masculinity. And I can endorse Shaun’s view that is what this is, because I started writing this comment before he started defining positive masculinity and the problems that comes from other conceptions of it. Also, before anyone asks, I didn’t “get it wrong” by transitioning. I lived as a woman for ten happy years. But then I changed. I see myself as someone who used to be a woman, rather than someone who actually was a man all along.

[@IAmNumber4000]

As a trans person myself, yeah it really bugs me when cis people try to paint detransitioning as “see look they were wrong”. There is _nothing_ to be lost by exploring gender identity, and everything to gain. If someone only identifies as masculine because they feel forced to by their assigned sex at birth, then what’s the point of identifying that way to begin with? If you identify masculine it should be because you _want_ to, not because you feel like it was forced on you.

[@grmpEqweer]

Huh. Cheers.

[@DeathByMinnow]

I'm happy for you. I'm also happy you have a husband who is both willing to share his opinion on changes you want to make, but also welcome those changes if they're what you want. That sounds like a healthy relationship to this third party, at the very least.

[@seekingabsolution1907]

Huh. The brain, mind and identity can shift over time I suppose. I'm glad you're still happy.

[@TAP7a]

Incredible story, thank you for sharing. I’m not familiar with any detrans personal narratives beyond the stats saying that youth detrans almost always happens due to either facing extreme bigotry, financial issues or meeting their transition goals, so I selfishly really appreciate you sharing yours. Your telling both of genuinely being a woman and subsequently being a man is good to hear told earnestly, and especially your reflections on the anxiety of masculinity defined externally versus internally I think are valuable. So many cis men never engage in that kind of introspection that creates confidence in one’s own identity, where almost all trans people are almost forced to do so just to access medical treatment - cis men have a lot to learn about their own masculinity from both trans men and trans women, two groups who have real experience wrestling with the concept. Thank you for sharing!

[@abigaillabar8877]

The law to Andrew Taint: "he's just playing a character" The law to Black boys: "those rap lyrics are a confession"

[@JMarchel]

Such a good point.

[@pussydestroyer69285]

LITERALLY lmao

[@lsjt8924]

That's a fantastic point.

[@53Strat]

But there is no logic in this statement. Rap lyrics are not confessions so the same can be said for tate. If we are gonna judge people on what they say and not what they do you have no freedom of speech.

[@brazman4722]

@@53Strat that's the point, i think, they're saying they are not confessions, but that logic only applies to Tate, while Black Boys are judged on their lyrics

[@KiwiJJams]

My dad is a good man. One example that I find amusing but a solid good man trait is this. When I was little, maybe around 10 years old, I loved painting nails (I still do) and my dad allowed me to paint his nails and then went into work in a factory making car mirrors. When he came home, he asked me how to take off the nail polish because someone in work teased him and instead of never letting me paint his nails ever again, he asked me to do a subtle colour next time. My mum laughed about it and said he was a bit of a gobshite not taking the polish off before work and continuing to let me do his naild, but the thing that stands out to me is the fact my dad was willing to wear nailpolish to work just because I enjoyed painting his nails and instead of shutting down nailpolish time entirely, he taught me a lesson in making compromises and illustrated that he realised painting nails was important to me (more important than a little teasing at work). Its gestures like that that make me realise how much he cares and how good a man he is. I doubt he'd be as eager with any random woman, but with me, his perceived "masculinity" wasn't more important than spending quality time together, painting nails, plaiting my hair, wearing teatree facemasks ... he just rolled with it. Now hes a massive Drag Race fan, I dont watch it, but he'll regularly give me his critiques of an outfit or makeup or performance, I like to think that bonding with his daughter might have helped wear down some of that reluctance to dial down the masculinity when he wanted to enjoy something "queer" or "girly". He used to do it to please me, e.g the nail painting, but now, hes comfortable enough to sit down and watch Drag Race and be a super fan without feeling emasculated. He still watches all the rugby he can so hes gained more enjoyable media to consume without losing his masculine hobbies.

[@JupitersWindySkies]

That's so sweet! What a lovely guy

[@KiwiJJams]

@@JupitersWindySkies He's not perfect, but as far as dads go, he's SS-tier!!!

[@eurekamreum5458]

Gosh, I'd love to chat with your dad about Drag Race!

[@halfwen4575]

@JJ Got The Jams your dad is clearly a man of taste, Latrice is an icon

[@KiwiJJams]

@@halfwen4575 😂😂😂 true true, if only his music taste was as good 😂😂 I jest, he's not that bad.

[@radiobob1908]

I think The Lord of the Rings has some of the best examples of healthy masculinity out there. The characters are often weak, hungry, cold, scared and miserable, and they still manage incredible feats of strength and bravery. They cry, they ask for help, and they are still framed as traditional heroes. They fight valiantly, while wishing they didn't have to. They overcome their own prejudices. They get angry, but almost never take their anger out on others. Edit: This is my first time writing a popular KZbin comment. Let's hope it's the last. Everyone here needs to chill.

[@bushybeardedbear]

@GidorahX If climbing Mount Doom with the phylactery of an evil demigod trying to control you every second is the bare minimum for you, you got pretty high standards.

[@maximilianbeyer5642]

@GidorahX where do you see white savior complex? Either it is about white people saving white people, or more accurately it is about the banding together of multiple races and cultures (who all happen to be white because LOTR is a mythology for Britain specifically) to fight evil together

[@painunending4610]

Great! More unrealistic ideals that feel to meet the needs of actual men! This is exactly what men need isn't it! We don't want to be accepted and loved for who we are, we want to constantly work up to an ideal we didn't ask for!

[@Ttspzmitch1128]

@GidorahX What? Tolkien is the author who created the modern female protagonist. There are plenty of instances in his works where women are talking to each other. This doesnt inherently disprove what youre saying, but the fact that Galadriel is better written than most male characters in LoTR does disprove a "Tolkien hates women" argument. And it's hardly a white savior story. Do you even know what that means? White savior stories are when white, often colonialist usurpers are portrayed as virtuous through their positive treatment of a minority. Where is that in Tolkien's work? Nowhere. In fact Frodo and Bilbo are minorities in their stories

[@katiePetsy]

@@gidorah I'm sure there were Maori actors in the movies. But the characters are described as white in the novels because *shock* a white guy wrote a mythology about a land substituting for ancient Britain which *shock* was populated by white people

[@hamneggwich]

The most positive masculine thing I saw today was a Turkish rescue worker chilling with a cat he saved from the rubble, which was sitting on his shoulder. He was giving the cat lil kissies and smiling when the cat headbutted his cheek in that way cats do when they love a person C:

[@painunending4610]

How is that masculine. That's just a person loving and caring for an animal, anyone of any gender can do that

[@EmyN]

@@painunending4610Because dude is not afraid to show affection and compassion, he's not afraid to be taxed not masculine for it

[@EmyN]

Hello?? That's adorable I'm gonna search that right now

[@painunending4610]

@@EmyN That has nothing to do with masculinity. Loving your animal doesn't make you any less masculine in anyone's eyes. Nobody cares Who do you think is out there judging people for loving their pets? I love my cats and give them all sorts of snuggles, hugs and kisses, do you think anyone cares. Nobody finds that adorable or emasculating, it's just a thing

[@painunending4610]

@Moondust What was the point of the video?

[@spookyplaguedoctor5714]

I knew a guy back in high school who was, in the truest sense of the word, a weird guy. He wore the same kind of hoodie to school every day, he was in band, and he was one of those outcast kids who was really interested in science (he loved engineering). But he was also incredibly compassionate, making sure I was ok if I was having a meltdown or other autism-related issue, and he didn't shy away from making me feel comforted during that time of the month. He was a good person, a good man, but most importantly a good friend. I hope wherever he is he's happy. I think more men should be like him.

[@Z.O.M.G]

​@@appleswithpeanutbutter609fuck making people attracted to you, that was a good person, nowadays thats rare

[@Boricosa]

@ApplesWithPeanutButter I believe that making people feeling safe around me is a good enough incentive. I don't think there is more to gain from being attractive than from being able to truly understand your loved ones and knowing they can rely on you.

[@SolarArkon]

@@appleswithpeanutbutter609 I mean firstly, when it comes to a preference in 'masculine' traits, that is determined by the woman in this case. If your main concern regarding getting a girlfriend is 'am I masculine enough?' that really highlights some very important insecurities in your identity and masculinity (I'm generalizing here as a point, I don't specifically mean you) that need to be worked out. However sadly a lot of conflicting messages lead men to a situation where they double down on this insecurity and try to be as 'manly as possible' as that is what women want, while ignoring everything else. As for your second point, it's good to note that dating advice sucks. But that's because well... dating is really, really fucking complex. There isn't some easy, one off trick that will suddenly make you really popular with women. That doesn't and shouldn't exist (as it leans into really patriarchal views and devalues individuality) Really I think it should be more socially acceptable for there to be resources to help people who are more socially anxious or aren't as good in those situations like people who are on the autism spectrum. But I also think it should be more acceptable to look into women's perspectives, and gain some skills when it comes to dating and certain mannerisms. But above all of those is to be yourself, and I know you directly criticized this idea as it isn't real, solid, generally applicable advice. But those don't exist, women are unique, women want different things and ideas. Men are unique, men want different things and ideas it's why dating and love are so complex. We need resources and a better understanding of people as humans, and how to traverse dating rather than advice on how to essentially de-value females and regress on social progress so that males can have some 'advice' to take advantage of that.

[@SolarArkon]

@@appleswithpeanutbutter609 “it’s a guy thing” Phew I mean… that’s exactly the problem my guy. I mean there’s a lot here I’d like to discuss but I want to start on that last paragraph first. “It’s a guy thing” hiding your emotions, living in this facade of ‘emotional strength’ by simply hiding how you feel, that’s toxic masculinity, that’s probably the biggest issue with men in society, and it’s sad to see that type of message perpetuated as ‘necessary’ and ‘normal’. Or in the case of this argument given as ‘advice’ on how to get a date. Emotional strength comes from availability, and there are many women I know that value men doing that, not as a masculine trait but a human one. Not to say I’ve exactly renounced masculine toxicity and traditions, far from it I’m plagued by them to this day. But it’s really something I’m trying to work on. Emotional availability and understanding is more important in todays society than ever, especially in dating. Sure there are women who want a stereotypical masculine man, but there are others who don’t. And others who fall somewhere in the middle. That’s how things are. And if anything I’m sorry to hear you seem to struggle with the idea of emotional availability… as so many men do. It sucks that there isn’t more good, positive masculine role models to guide the people who need it, how instead go to people like Andrew Tate of Jordan Peterson. It’s almost a cycle, and one that’s very hard to break. The patriarchy loses strength -> more men to feel disillusioned and not know what to do -> they go to people like Andrew Tate -> they learn they need to uphold patriarchal values and be a ‘real man’ -> the patriarchy continues to lose strength and their ‘advice’ doesn’t work. I’m not saying dating advice doesn’t or shouldn’t exist, the problem I see is that the male dating influences all try to preach the same message about being a ‘real man’ and upholding the patriarchy as that advice sure would work under the older patriarchal worldview. But not in the new and changing one, it’s a vicious cycle. It’s quite hard to get men to think the other way as well, I mean emotional strength and understanding to become a better person, hence hopefully finding a date is a lot less secure than “follow what I say and you will be drowning in women”. I guess it’s important we find these positive, masculine role models that can give advice in dating in this broad world we live in. It will never be simple or generally applicable but that sort of advice on how to work around dating will be endlessly more valuable than the facade that is promised by Andrew Tate and such. I’d love to point to an example of a great dating influencer who really tries to help men at their worst and really tries to help those who need the extra support like socially anxious and autistic folks but I don’t know any, and that’s sad.

[@SolarArkon]

@@appleswithpeanutbutter609 yeah that’s sad to hear. Realistically there should he no problem or issue with expressing emotions to women or anyone for that matter, that doesn’t make someone weak, that’s how someone becomes emotionally strong, otherwise your hiding from the truth and could snap at any moment (Alcoholism, parties, drugs, overdoses, death. It’s happened far too often) But the world isn’t really ideal is it? There’s these stereotypes and expectations being put forward positively and absolutely negatively that can destroy lives and cause these situations. Feeling guilt and shame for what are essentially human needs (we are extremely social creatures). Emotional labor is a good thing, mostly. The issues that stem from emotional labor comes from people not setting boundaries and trying to help people without regard for their own needs. Otherwise, it’s a good thing to do for someone. I wish you the best in whatever endeavors you may find yourself.

[@steveharrison76]

“If you want to be a good man, work on being a good person and the rest will follow.” Exactly that.

[@Darth_Insidious]

It's because there aren't a lot of generally good traits that are unique to men. Most people have a lot more room to improve in being a good person. And I think hyper focusing on being a better man instead of a better person can lead to some sexist and toxic attitudes. Hyper masculinity is an aesthetic and not one a man has to adopt to become better.

[@taffykitty1016]

Just be a good person and let other more powerful and strong people (who are, unlike you, are willing to impose their will on the world) take advantage of you but it's ok because you're a "good man" at the end of the day theory Everything about "being a good man" eventually comes down to you sacrifcing your interests for other people. and modern society will never thank you for that, they will only use you more, for them it's your duty and something you're supposed to do by default because you were born with balls and a dick between your legs

[@steveharrison76]

@@taffykitty1016 I mean, no, you’re completely wrong, but whatever. Your assertion only works if you accept the premise of it first, meaning it’s circular logic and not viable or coherent as a world view. It’s actually a literal cliched example of begging the question - goodness is weakness because being good is weakness because goodness is exploitable because it’s weak. Which is, of course, utter dogshit as a concept, and could be used in a textbook to illustrate what “begging the question” is. You’re actually asserting the thing you’re supposed to be proving. You have to accept the point you made as being true, before accepting it as being true, which isn’t how concepts like “goodness” or “power” work. The premises of it are… well, it’s all over the place. It’s just rather basic and uninteresting nihilistic cliches dressed up to look like a valid point. So… yeah. Wrong, both rhetorically and demonstrably so. There are multiple examples of people who are good people and are absolutely and provably not exploited by nihilists and sociopaths and absolutely impose their will onto the world. If it comforts you to pretend that isn’t true, then fair enough, that’s on you and your cynicism and nihilism is none of my business. But you absolutely are deluding yourself. Being a good person does not preclude you at all from imposing your will onto the world, and to suggest that it does is frankly rather silly. You appear to have confused goodness with weakness. I don’t know why, but that seems to be what’s happened.

[@steveharrison76]

@@Darth_Insidious I’d agree with that. I suspect that there’s a degree of nuance that might be the exception to that rule (there usually is, with concepts as large as this sort of thing), but I think you’re probably right, to be honest.

[@steveharrison76]

@GidorahX Hold on though - IS society truly a meritocracy though? Don't get me wrong, I do actually agree with your closing point, and I believe that you're right because the evidence seems to support this - for example, the utter collapse of recent conservative-only dating apps, amongst other things - but I'm just making a point about 'meritocracy': that being, it seems to be a word that means different things to different people without acknowledging the actual definition of it. Tate, for instance, likely has a very different 'idea' of what a meritocracy is from most normal people. His definition seems to be that the most exploitative, cynical, conformist and callous people rise to the 'top', because he defines that 'top' as being a very different thing from what most people would say it is. Is having a car collection and a rap sheet full of SA accusations 'meritorious'? Or is it something more like happiness, love and financial security? (I'm not signalling anything here; whilst I'm happy enough in myself and with my life as it currently is, I'm both relatively poor and I'm also single; I'm just making a general point.) Someone like Trump or Johnson seem to think that it's about how many column inches you get and how many cultists you can get to sing your praises; The majority of other politicians think it's when you secure civil rights for a marginalised group. It's something that has a definition, but is always used in an undefined way to sell an idea or a brand or (in Tate's case) a pseudo-solution that isn't worth the paper it's probably not even written on. I'm just mucking around with the idea at this point, basically... but I don't believe that 'good' is the same as 'weak'. I don't believe that's true on an individual level, and I don't believe that's the case on a political or macrosocial level. We wouldn't have things like Weekends or Maternity Leave, otherwise. Those good things were won by good people imposing their benevolent ideas on the fabric of society, and to believe that it's all just wishy-washy guff is demonstrably untrue, and also a peon to despair... ...and on that last note, I get it. I know it's easier to give up and sink into nihilism than it is to be good. That's how Tate got his money, for instance. Doesn't make it true, and it doesn't make it the natural order. Tate doesn't exploit people's strength and fortitude, after all. He exploits their weakness. And that is because he's a cowardly and narcissistic bully who found it easier to conform to a grifting, untenable idea and found it much too hard for him to work against it to change it for the better.

[@CorwinFound]

Trans guy here who came out at age 45 and now has been living masculine presenting and passing for a few years. Crossing the gender line opened my eyes extraordinarily. Yes, some obvious things like the benefits of male privilege being far more extensive than I'd ever guessed. But the big surprise has been how very insecure cishet men are, especially older ones, 40+. I sometimes like going out, hanging at a new bar and just start striking up conversations with people. An odd hobby I know but I find it enjoyable. Just before Xmas I ended up hanging out for several hours with a group of three cishet men all around 50-55 years old. Ended up telling them I'm trans. First they were shocked and asked many of the usual questions. Then one guy said, "You are so confident. You have major big dick energy but you don't even have a dick do you?" The other guys just kind of waited to see what I'd say. I laughed and said something dismissive but it really struck me. These cishet middle aged guys, all stereotypically successful as men, were looking at me, a 5'5" tubby trans guy and wondering what my secret was. I've thought on it a lot and I think what they saw and wanted to understand was masculinity without the ingrained hang ups that men are raised to have. I'm not worried about impressing other men with my macho. I don't need to police my own or others masculinity. If I say or do something feminine it doesn't make me less manly. I can show emotions beyond anger, lust, and arrogance openly without shame. Men *want* these things but don't seem to know how to get them. Shame over anything perceived as feminine or even just not hyper masculine is like a prison locking men away from happiness. Cishet men can *never* be masculine enough to be safe from their masculinity being questioned. And when a person's self-worth is based on external, ever changing, and ultimately unattainable criteria, you have a recipe for people to never really feel worthy.

[@talonhammer]

I'm 30 and I hope to be able to wow a group of cis dudes when I'm your age! or hopefully none of this will matter by then.

[@J-manli]

@@talonhammer It's a weird paradox because Corwin impressed other men by not actually caring about impressing other men. To have the self-confidence to not care about other's opinions and to just be your genuine self. On a seperate topic, I believe capitalism has a large role to play in "men feeling as if they're not masculine enough." The fitness, beauty, automotive, gun, sports, and porn industry all benefit from amping up masculine insecurity to drive up sales. "Having trouble feeling manly? Buy our product/ service to 'toughen' up!"

[@CorwinFound]

@@J-manli Absolutely on the gender anxiety for money making purposes. Industry figured out over 100 years ago how to monetize that anxiety in women. They are now just catching up with men. Kinda sucks that we didn't learn our lesson from how capitalism treated women, instead we turned "equality" into making men just as neurotic.

[@jeffreychandler8418]

and what I rhetorically ask what is the scenario when men learn that they *cant* get these things?

[@usaskjock]

what a fantastically written post. As an out gay man who's been a competitive athlete and now a doctor, I learned not to give a shit what other people think of me ages ago. That's really what it boils down to. As well as protect those more vulnerable than you, and don't punch down.

[@onbearfeet]

Speaking as a woman who talks to women, I'd like to add one extra point about the reputational value of kindness: it doesn't just make us say, "Oh, he's so kind!" It ALSO makes us say, "Damn, he's brave." We hear the same garbage men do about masculinity, and we know that kind men are often mocked, their kindness perceived as weakness. So a man who persists in kindness is IMPRESSIVE to a lot of women. He's perceived as confident in a way that's unlikely to be faked; after all, why would he fake a trait that gets him attacked? There's a reason that a calendar that features firefighters holding puppies will outsell a calendar that only features firefighters (or one that only features puppies) any day of the week. Sure, the puppies are cute ... but we can also imagine that the men holding the puppies are kind to them. So yeah. Cultivate kindness. Oh, and make some female friends if you can. It's amazing how much easier it is to understand women when they stop being space aliens and start being the people you yell at movies with.

[@jeffreychandler8418]

then all it takes is one woman with a grudge to say "he was manipulative" and yall turn on him instantly regardless of the validity of the claim.

[@painunending4610]

Wish this was true. My experience is real and valid I'm kind, and not for any ulterior motives, just because I try to treat others how I want to be treated and make people's lives easier. Do you think any women notice or give a shit? Kindness is a basic expectation many people have. Nobody notices someone meeting basic expectations, nobody gives a shit My experience is real and valid I also have female friends. It doesn't help me 'understand women' because women are not maths equations that have to be understood, they're just people

[@krisxchirbas9503]

@@jeffreychandler8418 in the same way that men calling a woman a hore or manipulative or a gold digger etc will sometimes cause men to turn on her regardless of the validity of such claims?

[@fruitygarlic3601]

​@@painunending4610 Just like brushing your teeth, you are unlikely to be praised for showing required manners, but the absence of them will be noticed. And what's all this about your experience being real and valid?

[@painunending4610]

@@TJHTouring I do have those types of female friends, like pretty much in the exact same way you're describing Why do you assume the worst about me? My experience is real and valid

[@krapincorporated]

As a lesbian, thank you so much for clarifying that "women are not a hive mind." That's such an absurd assumption and the idea that all women think the same NEEDS. TO. BE. DEBUNKED. This video was fantastic.

[@williamchamberlain2263]

@@appleswithpeanutbutter609 but they don't explain that women are individuals very well

[@k9wazere]

@ApplesWithPeanutButter Always the bleedin' gym :p What is even the point of becoming buff, unless you're carrying around logs or pulling a cart or something :p But no, even accountants must be buff :p And that's saying nothing of how much the gym costs, these days!

[@DarthVaderfr]

Obviously there isn't an hive mind, usually are just stupid people doing the same stupid shit, cause at the end we are all human

[@angelalovell5669]

@ApplesWithPeanutButter Well, yeah. Because they were taking into account the fact that women actually are individuals. That's not 'hyper individualist', that's reality. I understand the points you're making clearly, I just disagree with your fundamental approach. There's nothing wrong with statistical analysis and identifying patterns, humans love that shit, but to refer to them TO THE EXCLUSION of acknowledging women's individuality is concerning. It's too close to Andrew Tate's approach. It comes out again in your comment about the muscle mass you've gained being proportionate to an increase in attention from/interaction with (straight) women. Yes, it may be true but the implication, what you left unsaid, is that if a majority of women that you can identify react in a certain fashion, you are justified in viewing them as a monolith. Well, what about the fact that there are lesbian and asexual women? You can say they're irrelevant to your endeavours but THAT'S obviously a problem, too, because it limits your interaction with women to potential sexual and romantic contact only, meaning other types of women are discounted and consequently, you only view women in sexual or romantic lights (which I don't believe, incidentally, because you probably have women relatives, coworkers, neighbours, friends, but I'm trying to demonstrate how fallacious this whole vibe is). Just think about why this approach might be damaging to you as well as other men and women, I'm certain you'll uncover some stuff.

[@sethheristal9561]

Yes, debunking the female hive mind is very important for positive masculinity. Otherwise men will always feel threatened. This is because men have litterally zero human contact. Also... since statistical trends exist among women, let's start with pretending. Let's pretend that all women are different. For me as a men, the belief that all women are a hive mind is so ingrained that if I want to heal I have to "consciously bluepill" or act like I believe a lie, and only then I can treat people like persons. After that everything is easy.

[@TheZatzman]

"Breaking with patriachy requires you to exhibit the same qualities that patriarchy expects of you" - how some people don't understand the inherit contradictions in this worldview astounds me. Love your explanation of "positive masculinity". Great stuff.

[@TheSMR1969]

There is no patriarchy in the west

[@sleepysof]

@@TheSMR1969 there are no brain cells in your brain

[@SilenceOase]

@@TheSMR1969 sure thing bud

[@aleksandra...]

@@TheSMR1969 😂

[@interlace84]

Lets try that again and see if it appears this time 🤭 this is run by Susan, one of her sisters co-founded a biotechfirm and another's a succesful doctor.. there's plenty examples of the whole concept of men ruling everything being fantastical.

[@saadude96]

As a male children's nurse in Liverpool. I've had so many people tell me that I must be gay because I work a feminine job, I'm not but and what if I was, so your discussion of what is masculinity is very relevant to my life. As always, shaun coming in with an amazing perspective 👍

[@HaloFTW55]

Respects to you. Nothing more humane than to do a medical job, especially one that involves taking care of children.

[@Alex.R.L]

Counter argument: (edit: TLDR: masculine jobs are hella gay) Cheerleading is the most masculine thing you can do in high school, because that's where the girls are. Chess club? 1 girl lots of boys. Cheerleading? 1 boy (you) and lots of accessible (to you) girls. Similar with nursing. I took care of grandma in an assisted living facility, and the various nurse jobs there had a maybe 1 guy(s) to 8 girls ratio.

[@levi1929]

There's nothing feminine about working your ass off and contributing to society. If it WERE....what does that say about men.....?

[@thunderspark1536]

@@Alex.R.L It's the classic thing in porn where "If it's two guys it's gay, if it's a guy and a girl it's half gay, and if it's two girls it's 0% gay which goes around to 100% gay". The point is we're all attracted to others in ways more than "me want sex", and the more girls you can talk to without the funny clothes off speedrun, the more chances you'll have

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

I've heard the same people say that teaching is a feminine job because there are so many women teachers today. They ignore the fact that for centuries teaching was a male dominated profession, and it changed because of the Industrial Revolution. The same was true for nursing, where the first nurses were men in places like Rome and India, and male nurses staffed field hospitals in war throughout the centuries. This changed in the mid 19th century around the time of the Crimean and US Civil Wars, when nursing training started to favor women thanks in part to Florence Nightingale.

[@valeried5173]

What Shaun said about women usually being able to spot manipulation is so true, which is why wannabe pick up artists and such tend to prioritize teenage girls, I feel like. It's way harder to realize someone is being manipulative when you don't have much life experience or critical thinking skills. I remember this 23 year old being an absolute creep to me when I was 14 and at the time I only felt vaguely uncomfortable but couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me. It wasn't until years later that I realized what was going on. I know none of this is news but to me it's such an indicator of the way these men think

[@Drag0nfoxx]

When you're in school and one of the girls is dating a guy from uni, it seems like she's the mature one with older friends. When you're at uni and one of the guys is dating a girl from high school, he seems like a creep.

[@AlteredNova04]

I've long suspected that this is the real reason why child molesters are so overwhelming predominantly male offenders. Men are socialized to dominate and control their sexual partners, and children are much easier to dominate and control than adults are.

[@undertoned-418]

Yet a lot of them are in abusive relationships lol. I think for a lot of women they are just into these dark traid traits. That's why serial killers get fan letters and marriage proposal. A shy akward guy will do a lot worse than a narcissist gangster That's just a fact.

[@jonny-b4954]

@@Drag0nfoxx Yeah, there's a thin line there. Like maybe a senior and junior dating, senior goes to college and junior is now a senior. But the 23-24 year olds dating.... 16-17-18. Kind of weird.

[@kaitlyn__L]

@@Drag0nfoxx exactly. It’s been wild watching my viewpoint change as I’ve grown older. When I was 14 I basically aspired to that, now I’m 28 I can’t imagine dating anyone younger than… 23 maybe.

[@AWildBard]

Damn, Tate started out noticing wealth inequality and his answer was to be a "winner" within the system. The problem of wealth inequality is in fact a key insight that we should all take notice of. Becoming a guy like Tate is not the best solution, but ultimately the system is not functional and produces all sorts of dysfunctional responses.

[@littlekishmish]

FD signifier made a great point like this in one of his manosphere videos: incels are great at discerning social hierarchies, but instead of blaming patriarchy and capitalism, they blame women. and instead of wanting to abolish the hierarchy, they just want to figure out how to come out on top. all while the system is dysfunctional and there will only ever be very few men “on top” anyway. highly recommend FF signifiers videos.

[@k9wazere]

@@littlekishmish It should be that you have to self-identify as an "incel", and confirm that you blame others for your predicament. Instead, people get labelled "incels" for being long-term single. Even if they are such simply through general feelings of extreme inadequacy. It appears that the creator of this video has done the same thing, and concluded that all lonely, single men must blame necessarily blame women for their situation. It's disheartening and unfair. But that's the way, now. People frequently use "incel" to describe single blokes quite against their will. Also not everything they say is wrong. It is true, for the most part, that men are generally expected to make the initial advances. And that lacking confidence makes you virtually invisible (or a creep!). There's plenty of ways to end up feeling hopeless as a bloke, without ever once hating or blaming women.

[@littlekishmish]

@@k9wazere i don’t agree with your view on the world at all. i have never, ever, ever seen anyone at all describe a single guy as a long-term incel just for being long-term single. the term specifically refers to someone with “views that are hostile towards women and men who are sexually active”. so when i call someone an incel it’s not because they simply describe their predicament, but because they specifically believe it’s women’s fault for being superficial/money-minded/dumb/men-hating/…. for example, the fact that men are expected to be extroverted and make the first move very much hinges on ideals of hegemonic masculinity. it’s toxic, it’s harmful, and it’s also a fault of the patriarchy. women often to perpetrate it instead of dismantling their internalized ideals; and that’s not good, but the initial fault lies with the patriarchy. truly i recommend you watch FD signifiers videos on this. he interviews many of his friends and fellow youtubers who also speak of their pain and hurt regarding this. they recount their experiences of not having been “man enough” and how that has affected their dating life.

[@k9wazere]

@@littlekishmish Thanks for your comment. I'll look into it :)

[@littlekishmish]

@@k9wazere please do, i can truly recommend him. i wish you all the best and hope you find welcoming communities!

[@Nalhirrim]

Aragorn is a such a lad. So glad I grew up listening to his gentle elvish singing over some bald kickboxer trying to scam me into buying his ferrari

[@rigelb9025]

Andrew Tate is the FourLoko of online male influencers.

[@DavidJamesHenry]

I noticed that people shared Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird in the responses. Scout, the main character of that book, is Atticus' daughter, but he doesn't force her to refrain from reading or adhere to social standards of femininity. It's other characters, like Calpurnia and Ms. Fisher, who tell her about those social roles, and because her father never forced them onto her at a young age, she is, more than anything else, confused and angry that she has to limit herself. As a boy reading that book, it resonated with me deeply.

[@zgra74]

I think To Kill A Mockingbird, divorced from its author (and the sequel) is a valuable piece of literature. Atticus Finch in the book, to me, came across as a man who, through unflinching logic and reason, is able to remove himself from the prejudice that plagues his constituents. He sees Tom primarily as a man, secondarily as a black man, who has been treated unfairly by the system (unfairly by the flawed system’s standard, so VERY unfair by todays standards). He does the best he can and tries to save Tom, but fails due to things outside of his control (I.e. southern prejudice). It’s a great story about how individuals can live without prejudice through simple logic, and how the only way to truly change things is to teach their children to be different

[@J-manli]

@Lind Morn I agree that in today's standards, the book and author don't hold too well with racial inclusion. But I will also argue that for the timeframe the story and its inspiration takes place (1930s), treating any Black man with common decency much less a genuine fair trial was revolutionary for their time.

[@nw42]

@Lind Morn Mockingbird did more for racial justice in America than most novels, and that’s largely _because_ it was written by and for the imperfect white Southerners who needed it most. Like, the very idea that a lawyer would be “just doing his job” for a black man (while risking the wrath of a lynch mob, no less!) implies that everyone deserves equal justice under the law-an _incredibly controversial_ attitude in much of America at the time. That such a sentiment seems so plainly obvious to us now is testament to how far we’ve come. It’s fine to point out the flaws with the book (or with Lee) but to ignore its context, intent, and impact makes for a kind of equally flawed perfectionism which is both incomplete and paralyzing. It’s good to say that we need to do more, to go further, but it’s dangerous to throw out the previous generations of authors and activists who took a stand (often at great professional or personal risk) to do exactly that. History is messy, and so, progress is messy.

[@j.goebbels2134]

Truman Capote wrote TKAM and gifted it to his childhood friend Harper Lee for helping him research In Cold Blood. But when it won the Pulitzer and made a huge movie, Capote seethed and envied Lee and threatened to expose her. They never spoke again.

[@estoy3300]

@@j.goebbels2134 is this true? Capote was quite a character. 'In cood blood' is one of my favorite books and I liked 'to kill a mockingbird' somewhat surprising to me that he wrote both.

[@LeftyConspirator]

"If you define yourself by the power to take life, to desire to dominate, to possess, then you have nothing." Is Obi-Wan Kenobi an example of positive masculinity?

[@OurBrainHurtsALot]

Yeah, probably. Obi wan and Aragorn are pretty decent examples

[@ΒασίληςΒλάχος-τ3κ]

Absolutely

[@ArmaBiologica35]

Obi-Wan? Absolutely.

[@titanomachy2217]

If Obi-Wan weren't white, then maybe.

[@Dlúith]

@@titanomachy2217 what?

[@Patryc]

andrew tate is one of the most perpetually, visibly frustrated and upset people i've ever seen

[@runningcommentary2125]

Guy just has the vacant, vaguely miserable stare in his eyes.

[@dudleybarker2273]

50 spaniels says he finally comes out in 2024

[@tayzadayzah6681]

Tate had an absentee father who treated his mother like shit whenever he was briefly around, it explains so much about the guy. Deep down he's just a sad, scared little boy who misses his dad and blames his mother despite all she endured for him.

[@dudleybarker2273]

@@tayzadayzah6681 for sure, but the trouble with this guy is he wields massive influence with youngsters everywhere

[@yousef858]

@@dudleybarker2273finally, Bottom G

[@fraugiblets6955]

I feel conflicted whenever Shaun uploads a new video. On one hand, it's a new Shaun video, on the other it's probably going to be on a subject that chips away at my faith in humanity. Edit: I'm happy that the ending message turned it around. I don't get to leave feeling like it's the beginning of 2020 again.

[@sabsain2399]

THIS 100%

[@MothsAreTheBest]

SAME

[@winterviveca5976]

Jesus christ same

[@geroffmilan3328]

...you have faith in humanity..? 😏

[@joelwilcox5424]

omg same

[@AZ-ty7ub]

Knowing I can pull up a Shaun video and immediately hear the same "Hello everyone" in the same tone and cadence is extremely pleasing to my autism. Thank you for that little extra something.

[@weasel7491]

Agreed. I always relisten to sleep

[@hughcaldwell1034]

Beau of the Fifth Column is similarly consistent with his openings.

[@Flyzoola]

"Hey all! Scott here"

[@silassativa5332]

it’s not just you!!!!!

[@doggytheanarchist7876]

Samesies. :-) It's very soothing.

[@EldritchCuriosity]

I always saw Aragorn (and the other men of the Fellowship) as positive role models because they understand that they can make mistakes, and while soemtimes brutal, violent, and destructive, they are also capable of poetry. Especially in the books Aragorn sings odes of love to his friends and comrades in arms, he weeps when Boromir (the man who betrays the fellowship) passes having redeemed himself by dying to protect Merry and Pippin. He writes, appreciates art, and feels things in a powerful way. All of these are contraindicated by modern patriarchy and (I think) are heavily influenced by Tolkein's experiences with WWI, WWII, and his own life experiences growing up.

[@titanomachy2217]

Aragorn is a white monarch, fuck him and the racist-ass horse he rode in on.

[@kaitlyn__L]

It’s interesting to note how those were presented as masculine qualities in the Norse myths Tolkien was inspired by, I often wondered if Tolkien (being quiet and somewhat slight himself) longed for that to be the norm again.

[@seanbeadles7421]

And, as a thanks for being a great media depiction of positive masculinity, some people mocked it for being too “gay”

[@generalhorse493]

The Gears of War video games are similar, it’s outwardly hyper masculine in the traditional western sense, but all throughout we repeatedly see the gears be worn down by their world and see time after time those close to them die horribly, and their emotions and heartbreak are never shamed and fully allowed to play out. Also the one gear who isn’t ultra masculine, Ben Carmine isn’t condemned for it, he’s green but grows into a soldier and is never held in contempt for not being as outwardly macho as his superiors.

[@MapleLeaf2501]

@@kaitlyn__L The Norse way is interesting in that many of the European cultures at the time were also flabbergasted at the time too. Some guy coming out of long ship would pillage the hell out of some coastal town or monastery, then go back home and pamper himself up appearance wise (it was noted that the Scandinavian cultures were for the longest time more prone to regular bathing and taking care of themselves appearance wise with beard grooming being a big one, you weren't a "real viking" without a decent comb in your supplies) and engaging in slam poetry sessions. The big thing was that yeah, you need to be physically resilient to endure a harsh world but its meaningless without actually enjoying life and living a little. Making some genuine connections along the way. Its why their law system was so strict on thieves and oath breakers, and exile was seen as worse than death (although that was also common everywhere else for the most part). And they had a system in place about allowing blood feuds to occur and even blood prices for killing others.

[@Future_Inc]

As a man sitting in a pink chair while watching this video, I have been irreversibly harmed by my pink seat and I'll never recover

[@sealogic4552]

Gay ☹️

[@Future_Inc]

@@sealogic4552 I was gay before I sat in the chair. Am I gay²? Am I now straight? Bi?

[@ithinkiknowme6450]

​@@Future_Inc well you gotta figure out soon 😂❤❤

[@LittleJimmy835]

Here’s my advice about masculinity I have for young men. You’re going to find yourself in a world where people try to manipulate you into doing things against your self interest under the guise of challenging your “manliness”. And the trick is to not fall for it. From the bro down the pub goading you into a fight by calling you a p**sy when you try to walk away, to the abusive romantic parter saying you’re not a “real man” for not putting up with their mistreatment, to the employer saying you’re weak for not toughing out terrible working conditions, people are going to use this version of the “No True Scotsman” fallacy to trick you into getting what they want at your expense. The irony of course is a “real man” is someone who stands up for themselves and doesn’t let others manipulate them. I’d argue only a wimp has such a fragile ego that they’d do something that they don’t want to because someone called them chicken.

[@fightvale57]

Put this on a billboard. Such great advice.

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

I'd like to think this is the moral of the story in the Back To The Future trilogy.

[@PikaPenny17]

Cowardice is letting fear control your actions. Doing actions out of fear of being called a coward is no exception. It is better to be thought a coward than to be one.

[@chriss780]

@@dant3175 If that were true would you even really be missing out? I mean who would really want to spend you're whole life with someone that shallow though?

[@Suzanne4415]

​@@dant3175 You're so wrong it physically hurts that a person can be so wrong and not implode, but good luck

[@austinluther5825]

I remember edging into some toxic masculinity when I first transitioned. I thought I had to act and be perceived a certain way to be a "real man." Then I realized I didn't like the way I was acting and I was just doing the same kind of performative nonsense I had been doing when I was still in the closet, but in reverse. So I just started acting like the person I actually am and I'm much happier for it. I'm even perceived by others as more masculine now simply based on my confidence and comfort with myself. Which is nice little bonus.

[@CorwinFound]

Trans guy here who came out at 45 and have been presenting and passing as a guy for a few years now. The big shocker for me was how insecure cishet men are. Especially older ones, like 40+. I've had middle aged men who check all the boxes for masculine success tell me, a tubby 5'5" trans guy, that I have major big dick energy... without a dick. lol I really think what they are seeing is masculinity (I'm pretty binary and a "basic" dude) without all the ingrained hangups men are taught about "feminine bad" and meeting every changing, external, and essentially unattainable masculine standards. Congrats on pulling yourself out of that toxic masculinity. I've seen trans guys (especially younger ones) go through that. But it always seems to be a pretty short lived phase and sanity returns before too very long.

[@joeyj6808]

Imho, the way to be a *man* is however *you* choose to be a man. Just be you.

[@rocketmanphill]

There's no such this as toxic masculinity. Just assholes

[@andromidius]

This is true king behaviour right here.

[@austinluther5825]

@Corwin K That is fascinating. I don't think I've ever been described as having "big dick energy" but I've definitely been called "assertive," "no bullshit," and "boss man." And this was after I dropped the performative crap. I'm 4'11, gay, and have 2 daughters so I know way too much about My Little Pony. If I was insecure about all of that maybe I would be thought of as less masculine. It really does seem to be based on confidence. Luckily that toxic performativity was very short-lived. I came out when I was 32. I think when you come out as an adult (let me know if it was similar for you) you don't have the patience for the performance anymore. I just wanted to finally live my life as myself.

[@Er19421]

“Any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king” I’m going to use this the next time I hear someone make a clown of themself.

[@MichaelAronson]

Whenever I see any dude refer to himself as "alpha" or other men as "beta," I'm like, "Dude, what is even the problem here? Isn't it in your benefit for other men to be beta? What precisely are you complaining about?"

[@kylegonewild]

I find this quote funny because history shows the exact opposite.

[@MichaelAronson]

@@kylegonewild Well, no. The quote expresses a conditional statement, not a factual statement. It doesn't say “Any man who *_does_* say ‘I am the king’ is no true king.”

[@FunKayyy]

What about the King of the Pirates?

[@PH0B0PH1L1A]

same energy as the batman movie scene where the police guy is like "i'm in charge here" and bane like touches his neck threateningly and says "do you FEEL in charge?"

[@DodaGarcia]

"A lack of money can make you miserable, but an excess of money will not make you happy." Beautiful phrasing

[@PyroFTB]

An excess of money will buy me the new zelda game, which will make me very happy

[@brazman4722]

@@PyroFTB that's not excess though, that's the essential!

[@christophercaldwell192]

​@@Shmeckster233you're missing the point, money ain't going to magically solve your issues, Notch of Minecraft fame got more money then God and yet is a miserable cunt who shitposts of Twitter all day

[@atherapists3331]

@@PyroFTB and it will also pay for my gender reaffirming surgery i am a transfem

[@malaksafa4074]

​@@atherapists3331Omg trans Sylvester Pfp in the wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@ZijnShayatanica]

As a trans man, I grew up subjected to misogyny... And while I didn't relate to the notion of womanhood, I recognized I was seen & treated as such. So as much as I reviled the men in society/in my life that embodied toxic masculinity... I also had a great love & appreciation for men who eschewed those expectations & had the courage to display their masculinity in a positive way. I'll definitely second people in your tweet that threw out Aragorn, Uncle Iroh, & add a healthy dollop of Keanu Reeves. However... What I didn't realize is how I internalized toxic masculinity. How I buried my emotions to display my logic & resilience. How I stepped on others to get what I wanted because I thought it meant I was stronger. I wasn't raised to be a man, so... I didn't relate myself to those figures of positive masculinity. So I just internalized the bad shit to insulate myself & prevent myself from being treated like a girl. IRONICALLY - it was those shitty values that prevented me from recognizing I was truly a guy... I avoided lending credence to my feelings because making a decision purely off "how I feel" was irrational. I ignored the pain I felt from being misgendered because I was strong enough to adjust to it. Now that I've begun to live my life in my 30s... I now feel connected to positive masculinity. I'm a much healthier person, mentally, because I'm able to act & feel freely - uninhibited by the strict rules I placed around myself, to distinguish myself from the girls around me & avoid being grouped in w/ them. I want to be seen as a man... But just as much, I want to be seen as a man who doesn't need to take his insecurity out on others. And that is so fucking liberating. And I really wish that other guys got to feel this way.

[@potatopotato3284]

Good for you :)

[@ZijnShayatanica]

@@potatopotato3284 Awh, thank you!! 💕

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

Trans masc positive masculinity solidarity :,)

[@weirdcreature9928]

I'm transmasc as well, and this is really nice to read. I'm still in the beginning of my transition (though I've known for a while), and I'm really struggling with insecurity about masculinity. I've internalized a lot of society's messaging about weakness and insecurity and it doesn't help that my dysphoria is telling me those exact same things. That I'm weak physically and mentally, that I'm an insecure person pretending to play at masculinity, giving off a facade of manliness that everyone sees through. It's hard to aim for masculine confidence when you don't feel like you pass. But all that's achieved is to make me riddled with anxiety and stop me from making any progress. Some of my most positive experiences have come about since I've opened up about these fears and talked them through with understanding cis men. Turns out we're all bogged down by different expectations of masculinity, mine just clashes a bit badly with dysphoria. In my experience, the best way to develop healthy confidence is to allow yourself to be vulnerable. I wouldn't say I'm quite there yet, but I'm learning more and more about what I want my version of masculinity to be through expressing myself honestly to other people.

[@PH0B0PH1L1A]

trans guy who went through something similar! identified so hard with unemotional fictional men that i still have issues expressing emotion in an "illogical" or "unproductive" way, but i'm making strides in my progress and try to let myself cry at least once a week. that's smth that's really helped me, weirdly enough

[@pangelsaya]

I grew up being called the F word and my father constantly nagging me about my voice and throughout my entire teens and twenties I was terrified of being perceived as gay. I did everything in my power to avoid looking gay, sounding gay, acting gay, and it took up such an enormous amount of my emotional energy and invaded my thoughts with insecurity and frankly hatred for myself. Even when pressed when I would finally admit to only a select few people that I found men attractive I STILL had to add the caveat that I also loved fucking women. After years of soul searching and drug abuse and bad relationships (my own fault not theirs) I finally decided I was done. I no longer wanted to put on an act every hour of every day of my life to please others and fulfill some nebulous concept of what it meant to be “masculine” and I started dressing how I want, saying what I want, how I wanted to, loving things I wanted to love and people whom I wanted to love and fully embraced it with everything in my heart. And nothing has ever been the same since. I am so happy now, elated truly and grateful every day that I survived my suicide attempt and have gone on to become someone that I am truly proud of. Patriarchy is a lie and the day one wakes up and realizes it your life will change for the better. I can promise you that.

[@fpedrosa2076]

I am happy that you are still here with us and have found a way to be comfortable with yourself. These kinds of social expectations are awful for men and women alike.

[@bdsmgaming3627]

Why is your dad mocking you? The bitch made you 😭 it's his genes but bro, you're already stronger than any alpha male by withstanding against your depression and not letting your suicidal thoughts win

[@altyrrell3088]

Thank you for opening up. My path is different, but still, you're an inspiration.

[@jackmac919]

Good you're still here, the patience to source funds and move out is worth the fresh start. It's natural for you to be against patriarchy, you are homo. You have no use in that system, respectfully. Like being homo & religious, doesn't go hand in hand. Your father knowing you will not bare him any fruits & continue the bloodline is what hurts. Understandable. At the end of the day this is life, as long as you're happy is all that matters, good luck with your future.

[@pangelsaya]

To clarify I was adopted and my father has a biological son by a previous marriage so that doesn't really apply here but thanks for the reply!

[@vowgallant4049]

Listening to you describe your dad reminds me of my dad. Lots of traditionally manly hobbies, but there are several manly things that he outright despises, and feels no need to justify it. He also is very open with his affection. If we end a phone call without saying "I love you" he will call us back. But he is very stubborn too. I straight up had to pin the man to a wall and not let him go to the bathroom to make him agree to go to the doctor!

[@ollie6133]

I don't know how old your dad is but there's a certain generational attitude to avert seeking help. My mum collapsed and banged her head. The only way I could tell something was wrong was the fact she wasn't having a glass of wine with the rest of us. She didn't want to be a bother. Anyway, I eventually got her to go to the hospital and it turned out she collapsed because her heart was intermittently stopping! Some consultation and a pace maker later and she's good and healthy. She's what you might call a 'boomer' and I think that kind of stubborn attitude is fairly common in that generation. It's not necessarily a masculinity issue.

[@kaitlyn__L]

@@ollie6133 that’s very true, but the ways of “powering through” problems are also highly gendered in that and previous generations. It’s fascinating all round really

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

I'd honestly be more concerned about the cost of it than actually not wanting the help.

[@tybronx2446]

@@ollie6133 Yeah I think it might a generational thing. Both my parents are the worst patients, mum refuses to sit still and da refuses to call for help. Grandparents were the same, God rest their souls.

[@LexYeen]

Consider the effects of the healthcare industry on people's ability to receive medical care, particularly in countries like the supposedly-United States. Odds are, that habit of avoiding healthcare providers developed as a way to save money.

[@TheLizbert]

"Patriarchy, more often than not, steals the qualities it expects men to exhibit" is gold.

[@YourLocalNirvanaFan]

As a teenage boy, the last section really helped me. Thank you so much

[@titanomachy2217]

Get an orchiectomy. Do it do it do it do it do it you'll never be happy as a man.

[@zbsfm]

good for you man, glad you're here

[@Smashblob]

I have literally been think about that "No true king" line from GOT every time I hear the alpha male discussion for months. It's such a good line that completely exposes the truth of a lot of "masculinity" obsessed people who feel like they need to proclaim how manly they are constantly. It's almost like Shaun has been reading my mind or something.

[@littlekishmish]

he’s a speaking skull. he might just have done that.

[@1lapmagic]

How can you profess to know anything of masculinity? What of it have you experienced or projected? You are some youtube person with video game subscriptions and a playstation bloodborne icon. You seem to be yet another youth lost in time-wasting entertainment. I don't think you can operate a coping saw.

[@pmc9079]

Thanks for this. I was having difficulty articulating the wide range of issues that this story brings up with my teenager son. I felt I was in danger of it just coming across as 'Andrew Tate bad' and not giving this the attention it needs. You've help me turn this it to a positive learning and communication experience for us both. Well done indeed.

[@SanctuaryADO]

I'm a relatively traditional dude in a lot of ways. I work out a lot, am into bodybuilding, like cars, drink bourbon, smoke cigars, etc. But I also paint my nails, go to gay clubs, and am emotionally open, often to a fault (I cry listening to music at least once a week). And I think it's based that I can just exist in both of these ways at once and I don't have to care about what people think about me. It's freeing to drop the facade and just be who I want to be.

[@CorwinFound]

That's really great! I'm trying very hard to raise my son that way. He's very much a boy boy. He does kickboxing, robotics, and gaming. But he's also really emotionally intelligent and open and empathetic. At 14 he's also starting to develop platonic friendships with girls (he's particularly close to a girl he's been kickboxing with for 1.5 years) and I'm extremely happy about that.

[@painunending4610]

It's nice to not have to care what people think of you I try to do that but deep down I do care what people think because I want people to think I'm nice and attractive (especially women) I wish I could carve this piece of my brain out. I wish I could bas my fucking skull in and get rid of these thoughts

[@1lapmagic]

You're a relatively traditional dude in a lot of ways who just happens to be gay. There hasn't been any "Facade" for decades, people have been out since the 80s without public issue.

[@SanctuaryADO]

@@1lapmagic bruh, I literally have a girlfriend and am monogamous. I'm not gay, I just feel a safer and more relaxed vibe in those clubs, and my girlfriend agrees so she comes with me often

[@CarolinaBlood704]

Just when I was thinking "I haven't heard from Shaun in a while."! So happy to hear from you, again!

[@brook_angel]

Same, had been re-watching his videos recently.

[@deadfr0g]

I literally just manually checked this channel for any new videos and I see this within 5 minutes of upload. I feel like I just aligned the planets or something.

[@Tesla_Death_Ray]

Do you know what happened with Jen?

[@nickk.2055]

he does streams on twitch fairly regularly, if you want more casual laid-back shaun content

[@Tesla_Death_Ray]

@@nickk.2055 I don't like him.

[@LydsTherinNotamon]

Shaun, I started crying when you talked about your father. I lost my dad a few years ago, even before I had figured out my own self. Hearing all of these things again about your dad, it felt like I had him again with me. Hold him close.

[@alexandermitchell4719]

Gidorah you’re missing the point here. This person lost their father. That’s a tragedy and you’re trying to hijack that tragedy to spout your vitriol. It’s circumstantial. I’m sure that if Shaun had talked about his mother someone else in the comments who lost their mother recently would have a similar, if not word for word, reaction. Sit down.

[@kellycowley3535]

+Alexander Mitchell I feel like Gidorah is just a troll (and a man) pretending to be a 'extreme feminist'.

[@rue6914]

@GidorahX unless you're a comprehensive stalker/supernaturally in touch with the psyche of the original commenter, I doubt you'd know what they'd say if Shaun talked about his mother instead.

[@guytrashgurtdog]

@GidorahX …this was unnecessary. They’re grieving their father and it gave them some comfort, and as someone who also lost their father their comment and the video really resonated with me as well and comforted me. This is about grieving. That’s it. You’re having a complete different conversation and we’re grieving a loved one. Read the room.

[@guytrashgurtdog]

@GidorahX seeing some of your other comments I’m pretty sure you’re just some right wing sock puppet pretending to be some feminist extremist to either troll or make the left look crazy. It’s kinda sad. I can see trolling elsewhere, but on a comment about someone grieving? What is wrong with you? That’s absolutely pathetic.

[@ComradeCatpurrnicus]

Your story about car seats reminds me of a similar conversation I had with a family memeber when I bought them socks for their newborn. One of colors was... pink. She got very upset. Apparently not at the color changing what they assume their child's sexuality was, but that if their child grew up and saw themselves as a baby in gender nonconforming clothing, it would make them feel emasculated as an adult seeing themselves like that as a child... to which I responded something like, at that point, if they feel like that, you probably taught your child bad values and they unfortunately put significance on something that is completely arbitrary and socially constructed.

[@pheonixrises11]

lol they want a macho baby

[@kaliixa]

Before my wife and I decided not to have kids, I had been browsing the baby section for gifts for my (at the time) new godson. I came across this pretty sippy cup set, with flowers and dinosaurs, and it came in pink and yellow. I absolutely love dinosaurs, and the design was adorable, and they were cheap! So I purchased it and packed it away with the other things I had saved for future kids (like old toys, stuffed animals, blankets, etc). I told my mother-in-law (MIL) about it, and she immediately began scolding me for purchasing a pink product when I - *gasp* - might have a boy baby! I laughed, because I thought she was joking, and she just kept staring at me like I was nuts. When I explained that any kid of ours wouldn't care what color the pretty dinosaurs are, she rolled her eyes and told me that it might really hurt my future-son's feelings to have owned a pink and yellow sippy cup. Ma'am, we are two gay women who are both really into paleontology. Surely the pink and yellow dinosaurs are not going to annihilate my male child's self-esteem simply by virtue of existing in his proximity lmao

[@ComradeCatpurrnicus]

@@kaliixa Ya it's almost surreal how dedicated people can be to arbitrary norms and traditions that are incredibly limiting. The idea that we have to pigeonhole children with which colors, and other random things, they can like based off genitals at birth is absurd.

[@suzbone]

I've started to think that gender roles are actually just fine; it's the rabid inflexibility around them that's so messed up. I think that if people were allowed to color outside the gender role lines more freely, a lot of the discontent with them would vanish like a fart in the wind.

[@SavingSanta]

My nephew was all of eight hours old when my cousin scolded my sister because his wee newborn hospital-issued hat had pink on it. Like--unclench, please.

[@barbtries]

You're a good man Shaun. As a mother of 3 male children, after love, the one thing i tried hardest to make sure they knew was that women are people. In a letter my middle son wrote, about me he said, "She raised us to be feminists." It was a huge compliment and I cherish it to this day.

[@artifice4994]

He could grow up to be an incel you know. I wonder if a mother would hate her son for being an incel.

[@barbtries]

@@artifice4994 I could never hate my children but I suppose I could stop liking them. None of them hate women though thankfully

[@1c0nic_player]

@@barbtries "i could never hate my children but i suppose i could stop liking them" is great line lol

[@artifice4994]

@@barbtries they don't have to hate women. They just have to be romantically unsuccessful and keep spiralling due to negative experiences.

[@thrasherdave1428]

"She raised us to be feminists." Are you sure that wasn't meant as an insult?

[@ryanweible9090]

im actually more suprised that there weren't more mr. rogers. i always felt he was like the ultimate positive masculinity guy.

[@downsjmmyjones101]

I think Mr. Rogers was more feminine. He was nurturing and reassuring. Masculinity is about challenge, competence, and competition.

[@jacobvardy]

"Me Rogers" was a Yankee thing. It didn't screen outside the US. The rest of us found out about the show through Millennial nostalgia.

[@nerdinleather]

@@jacobvardy pls don't call us yankees [being a "yankee" is associated with being a northeasterner and it feels like the rest of us "don't count" enough as it is]

[@bee4590]

@@jacobvardy i know that outside the US yall use Yankee as an insult/dig-go for it, not gonna tell you to stop cause its cute and funny, but just a warning, if you say that _genuinely_ in America if youre in a fight or something, you'll likely be laughed at or looked at weird because it holds no weight to us. if you're angry at an American stick to the universal insults

[@jacobvardy]

@@bee4590, "Yankee" isn't an insult. It's just what we call citizens of the US. Since America stretches from Tierra del Fuego to Greenland. If we want to insult people the US we call them gringos or seppos.

[@Uniscorn123]

These discussions are always fascinating to me because I am an asexual man. And as an asexual man, I have noticed two particular patterns when it comes to men's idea of masculinity. The first is that how to get a woman to become attracted to you for the purposes of sex always seems to be of primary importance to them. Making women attracted to them as a well rounded person always seems to be a close second. Secondly, by the standards of masculinity laid out by most men, I literally can't be masculine, because I don't have sex with women. I feel like there are certain masculine traits one could lack and still be considered masculine, but when it comes to having sex with women, that appears to be non negotiable. "Masculinity" seems to be more about what these people do and don't do rather than who they are. That's very interesting to me one a personal and sociological level.

[@bluester7177]

I'm also asexual and I have a profound lack of understanding of these guys because I don't understand the need to perform gender, in my mind, if you identify as a man whatever you do is by default masculine and it seems so odd to define part of who you are in the ability of having sex with people, it's just so weird to me.

[@ergohash2517]

i am not asexual but i never had sex, which i am ashamed to tell both men (for the points you mentioned) and women (for the fear or being ridiculed and judged and others talking about it)

[@bluester7177]

@@ergohash2517 I'm sorry you had to deal with that type of anxiety, sadly some people really are jerks about that. In my experience men tend to have to deal with much more pressure if they are virgin, I lost my virginity at 22 (I had sexual experiences before because I've been SAd as a child but I don't count that) , one of my friends lost hers in her 30s and nobody said anything, virginity apparently is something women should hold on to and men should lose as fast as possible, which seem like a really contradictory idea for straight people. Most people don't lose their virginity that young and it really doesn't say anything at all about the person you are other than you didn't have a particular experience yet. Often nobody gives a shit if you ever been in a plane, or went bunge jumping, so don't feel bad about yourself, if anyone ridicule you for simply not having experience, they are not that great of a person and you deserve better.

[@ToneTitan]

“The first is that how to get a woman to become attracted to you for the purposes of sex always seems to be the primary importance to them.” CORRECT! Because that’s all they are exposed to growing-up, both in the entertainment that they watch and their peers who are just as insecure and ignorant

[@DM-nw5lu]

Those points are both kind of sad. It's not about women to them and about making women happy... But to get an ego boost by attracting women. Whether that's by making them feel like a good person or sex. Primarily sex it seems. I had guys ghost me despite us getting along because outside my potential of being a sexual or romantic partner they couldn't see me as a person who may contribute to their life.

[@AlexBooks13]

I remember Aragorn flooding my timeline more and I see it was Shauns fault LOL Also, I was really happy to see Uncle Iroh in there. My personal real-life good masculinity example was my grandfather - being the most acceptive family memeber when I came out as trans (actually he was the first person I came out to), always there to support all of us, never complaining or forcing me or my cousins to play with certain toys, and even gave me some of his clothes when I came out. (after re-watching ATLA, Iroh really reminded me of him). He was the kind of guy I look up to and want to be like.

[@seekingabsolution1907]

I think Aragorn and Iroh would really get along and I want to see that conversation between those two characters.

[@EngelSpiel]

I see my own father as the ideal man. He's a retired Navy captain, as well as a former oral surgeon who was among the best in his field. He's hardly an adonis as far as his shape goes, but he's certainly strong physically. He's also kind, and my mother and him never fight - they've been happily married for over 35 years. I saw him cry when we realized we had to put our late dog down - I think that was in late 2014/early 2015. Now, he does a lot of volunteering with the local Lions club, and also is really into musicals - even went on a Broadway-themed cruise. And that last part is also funny because I keep hearing this strange stereotype that it's homosexual men that mostly enjoy musicals, but I just can't see it. I keep telling him he should write an autobiography, but he doesn't think anyone would be all that into it.

[@Faris-Alzalam19]

I envy your family life.

[@littlekishmish]

tell him we need that autobiography. we are so terribly lacking in positive examples of masculinity; in examples of men being secure in who they are, enjoying some traditional masculine aspects yet still being kind and emotional. after watching FD signifier’s videos about the manischerem (highly recommend!!) i am convinced we need more empathetic discussions on masculinity on the left.

[@littlekishmish]

meant to say “manosphere” - no idea what auto correct thought this word was supposed to be lmao

[@lich109]

You see people like Tate pop up every now and again, it always seems to go the same way though. They always put on a confident facade, they always run some sort of scam, and they always get caught. The only question is how long it will last before everything around them breaks down.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

It's literally just a pyramid scheme they offer..

[@jordanchen23]

People like that were easier to dismiss before. It used to just be folks like Neil Strauss selling bs workshops on how to pick up women.

[@krellok2428]

There are more and more insecure men coming to therapy lately. Most of them tried to emulate self-help gurus and hustle culture, but are still miserable and full of self-hatred, maybe even more than before. Thank you for providing great content and also being an inspiring role model yourself. Cheers!

[@dorkaboise]

​@@buzasandras123"Ha leesik, vedd fel, ha elhibázod, kezzd újra, és meglásd, sikerülni fog!"

[@Ozzie_Mandias]

The key is simple… change their perspective to change their fate…! Allow them to abandon seeing men as men and women as women and other genders as “abominations”… Instead teach them to see people of every gender as “individuals”…. and threat them as such. This will destroy the Patriarchal Spell cast on them and change their fate…

[@Joshuaraymalan]

"You can be confident and kind" is probably the best advice I'd offer young people, in relationships or otherwise. Cruelty is, more often than not, a reflection of insecurity rather than confidence. Regarding confidence in relationships, I believe it stems first from learning to love and embrace yourself and the things that interest you. As a 38 year old married man who still remembers the challenges of dating, I can assure you that there are plenty of women who are much more attracted to your video game hobby than your ability to wrestle a grizzly bear or interest in sports.

[@langletprolet8378]

So true.

[@CorinthianIvory]

"All cruelty springs from weakness" -Seneca the Younger

[@painunending4610]

Why do I have to constantly be confident though? It's still reminding me I have to constantly be strong and never show weakness or insecurity

[@Joshuaraymalan]

@@painunending4610 I would argue you don't. Vulnerability can also be an endearing trait. I think it's pretty brave to be vulnerable personally even as its still something I still struggle to do. I've mentioned this somewhere else on KZbin, but my first words to my partner (after the usual pleasantries) were something to the affect of "I don't know about you, but I'm really nervous." We laughed, and it totally deflated the tension of the situation. I guess what I was driving at in the previous comment is that self-acceptance (strengths, vulnerabilities, ect.) is a better foot to start from than projecting some notion of masculinity that few people will naturally fit into. I did not mean to imply that one can or should project confidence all of the time.

[@langletprolet8378]

@@painunending4610 I mean he did say that you “can” be confident, not that you have to be every time. Because that’s just simply not how life works.

[@80yearsold23]

As a trans guy, manhood is a real strange place to be. But I’m always thankful that I am trans, because it taught me that manhood is not to be proven publicly. Sometimes I find that’s what’s expected of me. (older transmascs will remember our own lesser Andrew tate, Garrah) People try to make me prove it, they try to get me on the offensive. But fights aren’t where you prove your manhood, they’re just where you get hurt. Manhood can’t be gained by public displays, and so it can’t be taken away by public input. There is absolutely nothing society can do to take away who you are. I don’t think I would have learned that so young, if I hadn’t had to choose my manhood. The idea proposed in this video really resonated with me, being a good man is being a good person first. Thanks Shaun.

[@kaoko111]

The parents of my girlfriend are divorced. Her father Is this macho i can do everything kind of guy that thinks highly about himself (you know, alpha bullshit) anyways, saying that the guy is shit Is an understatement, he's arrogant, violent, used to abuse and violent his wife, used a lot of hard drugs and the only reason why he's not starving Is because he works for a Company owned by a relative (so doesn't matter how useless he Is, he secured a high paying job). While growing up i developed a taste for cooking, writing and reading poetry and watching doramas. My girlfriend once told me that she's with me cause i'm all her father is not, that Made me reconsideer a lot of my own insecurities of not being a regular ass male and much girls really like that sort of thing.

[@1lapmagic]

You are not, and can never be, a man. You did not grow up as a man or experience the life of a man and the struggles of a man's adolescence and coming of age. You physically have the body of a woman, which is what you objectively, truthfully are. Nothing can ever change this. Your brain formed differently and this can be observed on imaging. Your head is actually smaller so your brain mass is a lesser part of your body than mine. You are an abused and misled person. I do not feel sorry for you because you walked down this path. But you cannot ever stand in my shoes-- ever. Just as I can never stand in yours.

[@Bir-doll]

🏳️‍⚧️🤗👍❤

[@rahulraghu4928]

You discussing your dad made me think about my dad and realize he himself was a great example of positive masculinity. I’ll be back I gotta go drive a few hours and hug him.

[@krisxchirbas9503]

Was the hug successful?

[@BackroomsWater]

Hope you got that hug

[@bdsmgaming3627]

Aww how cute :)

[@rahulraghu4928]

@@bdsmgaming3627 thanks BDSM Gaming 3627

[@rahulraghu4928]

@@krisxchirbas9503 gonna go see them in a few days so hopefully

[@victrosia]

Bisexual woman here to say: Yes, that advice is good please listen to it. Treat people first and foremost as people not as a gender or a race or a group and you will find that empathy comes naturally. You don't have to work hard to understand people if you make it clear to them that you WANT to understand them. We all want companionship and compassion, oftentimes the hardest step in finding it is admitting it to each other.

[@shytendeakatamanoir9740]

That's the thing that stopped me falling into those incels or Alpha Male discourse. Since I am not traditionally masculine, I was mostly hanging with the girls in school, so I naturally saw them as human being first. They were the ones who accepted my socially awkward self, that wouldn't make sense to antagonize them!

[@painunending4610]

I've been following this advice for years now and I'm in the exact same position all things considered Women just don't understand the make experience tbh. Same way men don't understand the female experience. And why would either one want to, both experiences fucking suck

[@thatrantinggirl7376]

@@painunending4610 I don’t think this is completely true actually, I think women understand men like any marginalized group understands their oppressor, out of necessity and not completely but there is some understanding about why men behave the ways they do

[@painunending4610]

@@thatrantinggirl7376 Women may understand men (even then probably not all of it) but they don't understand the experience of being a man

[@thatrantinggirl7376]

@@painunending4610 I don’t think there really is 1 ‘male experience’ tho. Sorry lmao I’m not trying to argue but I’ve been thinking about gender for a bit and I really think everyone experiences it in a slightly different way

[@Dell88music]

I read somewhere that Bandit from Bluey got a lot of praise as a positive male figure. He reminds me of your description of your father: he loves cricket, squash and has the whole "rub some dirt in it" ideology. But he never puts his daughters into a preferred role, he doesn't wish they were boys, and he's constantly shown supporting them, dancing with them and playing what you could describe as feminine games with them. Also, call back to early videos, he tries to teach Bluey chess the 1st chance he gets. :p

[@morbidsearch]

I love how the top review for Bluey on imdb is some boomer talking about how it's way better than the other "woke" kids' shows.

[@jbartnik1918]

Something it took me a long time to learn: women are also interested in sex. You dont have to "trick" them into sleeping with you. You do have to be genuine and express interest though. And while some women will sleep with you on the first date, many will not. Many women who do hook up view casual sex differently than men. If you do sleep w a woman on the first date, or after meeting her at a bar, you might now be slotted into the "casual sex" category. Many women dont see casual sex as building up to a relationship, but different from it. So if you want a relationship, don't look for it at a bar. And if you find someone who didnt fuck you on the first date, dont feel like she held out or whatever, as she likely wouldnt be dating you if she had.

[@DavidW-ng5zv]

I usually move on if I haven't slept with a girl by the fourth date.

[@ameerhamid89]

​@@DavidW-ng5zvokay...?

[@susanrichardson631]

I am actually one of these women if I have sex with you on the first date you are not somebody I'm interested in a relationship with. You are a hookup friend. But that's not all women. I have a friend who thinks she's in love almost every other time she hooks up. She has a very immature view of what love is and it's usually just infatuation.... Unfortunately it's these naive women that get hurt all the time and become bitter who in turn hurt other men who also become bitter and it's a vicious cycle. That's where all the mysoginy and misandry is coming from. And when they find the sites online it polarises things even more.

[@frakismaximus3052]

Isn't it funny that in "equality" guys have to do this thing, that thing, and the other...

[@squidgirl0413]

@@frakismaximus3052 i feel like treating women like human beings who can make decisions and will often contradict one another because they are distinct in their opinions and feelings isnt. taking any notable rights away from men. if you mean the right to date a girl, thats not a right, theres a whole other person who can always cut things off if they want to.

[@wesleylang172]

It's really cute and funny that Shaun's dad listens to these videos.

[@lalitthapa101]

Shaun with a new video? I'm leaving behind everything to watch 30 minutes of this greatness✨

[@mykal4779]

i think i'm gonna watch 38 minutes and 50 seconds

[@ThePathOfEudaimonia]

I will be watching 19 minutes and 25 seconds at twice the speed.

[@lauramartin5579]

And me.

[@lorehammer40k4]

@@ThePathOfEudaimonia Wow, I think you should be the one with the Hustler's University. Teach me, papa.

[@ThePathOfEudaimonia]

@@lorehammer40k4 I will teach you all the mindblowing productivity secrets. You just have to join my greatest pyramid scheme. It's the best there is. Only winners.

[@sweetpeabee4983]

My grandpa was a teacher. He had a story he liked to tell to his male students to gently poke fun of toxic masculinity about a man who walked through a laundry line full of woman's underwear. The man was so embarrassed that he walked BACK through the line again, effectively getting smacked in the face by "feminine" things twice where a man without 大男子主义 ("big man ideas") who was more confident in himself would only get smacked once. He was a great model of a "good man," as you put it, for a lot of boys and young men. I miss him.

[@theendofmyropemydude]

You get hit in the face with women's underwear twice because you are toxic, I do it because I am a pervert. We are not the same.

[@jordanwhite352]

​@@theendofmyropemydude Uh...do I tell him?

[@richyhu2042]

To the fellas out there who are obessed with being "logical" and "stoic" because its "manly", just remember that before you're a man, you're still a human and humans exprience emotions, good and bad. Do not throw away your human exprience just to appease some artibtary idea of masclunity that isn't as old or traditional as you think it is.

[@themaskedman2780]

So gonna sit there and cry over your emotions in the harshest realms of reality no one will give a fuck

[@richyhu2042]

@The Masked Man if you think sadness is the only emotion that you get or that you can't control your emotions without completely supresding them then I am sorry for your lot in life. Theres more than just cruelty out there. Theres a great big, beautiful world to see thats more than just "harsh reality ".

[@followengland_ballsonig2938]

so wha if it’s traditional? hamsters have been eating their babies since time immemorial should we be diung that too?

[@frakismaximus3052]

No.

[@augustuslunasol10thapostle]

@@frakismaximus3052 you’ve shown your true colours finally

[@renatatostada3318]

As a born male, it took me 24 years to realize not only is pink a great color, it's my second favorite. My favorite color has always been purple, and even that was enough to raise some eyebrows throughout the years. The colors of pink and blue are possibly both the smallest tokens of why gendered things in society are kinda dumb and also the most frustrating.

[@blizpix]

My husband's favorite color is purple, and he loves colorful things in general, while I (female) prefer blue. His mother always buys him somber colored clothes, and he finally mentioned how much he liked colorful clothes, and she expressed worry that he would look 'gay'. Granted, she is an immigrant from the USSR, but it was still exasperating. I've encouraged my husband to buy and wear whatever he wants, and he's happy.

[@paulgibbon5991]

The irony is that in the 19th century, pink was a masculine colour associated with health and vigor ("in the pink"). Much like how eyeshadow and high-heeled footwear have also been manly fashions at various times.

[@Maphisto86]

Purple was for centuries the color of royalty. Male imperial royalty to be exact. The reversal of that meaning is very ironic.

[@somthingbrutal]

up until the early 1900's pink was the "male" colour and blue was for girls. its just fashion and that changes all the time.

[@CulturePhilter]

While personally not a fan of pink I do love the colour purple.

[@tobiasstewart9163]

I work as a teacher in a secondary school and most of the students know of andrew tate. He's a massive problem with male students and honestly whether they take him literally in what he says, it still comes out in class because they think he's funny and outspoken at a minimum. They're young enough not to consider the implications of his words and actions, and impressionable enough to take what he says literally too. Kid called me andrew tate one day -as I'm now bald with a beard- in response to me addressing his tate comments made in class. I'm trying to be what spiderman is to venom, if venom is andrew tate

[@AtheistEve]

I suspect each new intake at school comes with its full share of “local heroes”, such as Andrew Tate. It must get very wearing having to research all the nonsense students are exposed to via the internet and not-so-smart technology. Just keeping up with who and what is popular or the pits must be tedious.

[@jeffersonclippership2588]

It's honestly really f'ed up that society cares so little about the well-being of boys that it basically leaves them at the mercy of predators like Tate and Peterson. And that is what they are, they prey on young men for their own benefit.

[@Gangsterofoz]

"Patriarchy punishes men more than it rewards them" just had me clapping!! So nice to hear a guy recognise a self-loathing, cruel system - we love

[@paulgibbon5991]

Patriarchy isn't a system set up for men, it's a system set up for patriarchs. Look at Russia right now, where young men are being fed into a meatgrinder for the political positions and fortunes of old men. That's what patriarchy does for the average man.

[@Gangsterofoz]

@@paulgibbon5991 I didn't say it was a system set up for men?

[@peterisawesomeplease]

I liked the quote but really hated to follow up. I kept waiting to here a strong reason for how the patriarchy punishes men. But instead we get this odd example from the sopranos. I don't think that many lonely men will find being forced to hate gay people as the salient punishment for the Patriarchy. One because the Patriarchy in many times and places including many parts of our current Patriarchy just doesn't care about men being gay. Two because it just side steps what appeals most about the patriarchy getting "respect" from women. The follow up is then about how fighting against the patriarchy is actually manly. Which is pretty funny to think about but again really doesn't offer a reason why the Patriarchy punishes men. I think there are better examples the video could have choosen but even that would be somewhat missing the point. The truth is the patriarchy is good for some men. Its a much harder message but I think in the long run the more important one to say we should fight the Patriarchy and other unjust systems even if they wouldn't benefit us.

[@kylegonewild]

@@peterisawesomeplease "The truth is the patriarchy is good for some men." Sure, and it's harmful for *all the rest* of those men, which is a conversation that needs to be had. If people can grow up not recognizing they're being abused as a child there's no reason they can't grow up not realizing patriarchy is hurting them.

[@peterisawesomeplease]

@@kylegonewild Yea for the men being harmed by the Patriarchy but that don't realize it I agree that its important to educate them. But I think most of the people that fall for people like Tate are in the group that actually does benefit from the Patriarchy. And they are much harder to deal with. You have to appeal to something other than there selfish desires. Which I think is possible. But many left wing commentators fall into the trap of trying to appeal to their selfish desires which is just too easy to see through. Its better to just be honest and say you are going to lose something for yourself by fighting the Patriarchy but its worth it for the greater good.

[@seraphonica]

your representation of Tate as a cartoon character really struck a chord with me - as a kid, I loved me some WWF (now WWE) and it made me see Tate as a modern version of "The Million Dollar Man". Now every time I think of Tate, I get to picture Ted DiBiase in a jacket of cheap rhinestones and the people who believed he was a successful millionaire who just wanted to wrestle for fun.

[@moniethach4243]

Stephen King says it best in his essay Guns "As far as I'm concerned, high school sucked when I went, and probably sucks now. I tend to regard people who remember it as the best four years of their lives with caution and a degree of pity." I appreciate you approaching this issue with young men with empathy Shaun. It really is for many a crisis of low self-esteem, as I see it.

[@mentalish9417]

Anyone who says that were either really popular and peaked in HS, life really screwed them over after HS, or both

[@d.rabbitwhite]

@@mentalish9417 I agree with what King said. Interestingly, I know a woman who took over a bookstore, that was a mess, and has turned it into one of the best and financially successful 2nd hand book stores in a city of 4 million folks. She is interesting, gets on well folks from very diverse standings and I have learned from chatting with her over the years, that she loved high school, was a cheerleader, had many friends whom she still has contact with, 50 odd years later. I do believe she is an exception, maybe the one that proves the rule?

[@hellfirdragon17]

@@d.rabbitwhite Having a good time in highschool doesn't mean it was the best 4 years of her life.

[@otomatic3668]

I dunno. People who peaked in highschool DO generally tend to be awful people, but I don't think looking back on it fondly is inherently bad. Highschool, at least for people like me who didn't go to college and went trades instead, was one of the last times you really had "forced socialization" outside of things like work later in life. Obviously it isn't the case for everyone but most of the people I know had a good circle of friends in HS and a community to belong to - many still have those friends even into adulthood and thanks to the internet still regularly talk. Many people first got the inklings of their hobbies and what they'd want to do as a career or as hobbies from highschool. I got into working on cars in HS and that directly led to my career as an aviation mechanic, a career I love. Imo, ascribing one specific point in the past as "the best part of your life" just feels self defeating, in the same way saying "[year] was the greatest year ever!!" feels self defeating. Life can suck but there's no reason to not look forward to the future and do what you can to make it better for yourself.

[@hazelsaquarium]

another good piece of advice for young men, and just men in general: be friends with women. i know it seems obvious, but the ability to form connections with women without the pretense of attraction/flirting is something that i see a lot of men severely lacking in. so be friends with women that you don’t secretly have a crush on. especially if you’re young and still developing, friendship will teach you a lot more about people, yourself, and life than “getting” a girlfriend will, trust me.

[@MisterPyOne]

I had mostly female friends my whole life and selfadmittedly with most of them I would hope for a relationship or sex and it worked once. Because it's just the most likely way for me to succeed romantically, since every single time I asked out a girl I got rejected and on dating apps I just don't get any matches apart from bots. I know most people who speak with me tend to like me.

[@paulgibbon5991]

Not to mention--if you have a female friend, SHE may be entirely disinterested in romance with you, but she can still introduce you to her friends.

[@EmyN]

Exactly, and I love my male friends, they are great, inter gender friendships can be so enriching and these guys are missing out

[@chilanya]

I dance and teach ballet and i am forever frustrated how ballet is perceived as something for girls. Because of that, boys who want to dance have to be as brave and confident as Billy Elliot about trying out and then staying in ballet class. Not every boy can do that, it can be daunting and exhausting. I kinda grieve that so many boys will never experience the joy that dance can bring.

[@bluester7177]

I dislike the fact that any activity is gendered and that we internalise this things so young, I'm really trying right now to discontruct my 4 year old cousin's ideas about things for boys and girls he learnt in school, but it's hard.

[@KhaosAdmiral]

Oh yeah, like given how extremely brutal the art of Ballet is, Frankly I have nothing but the utmost respect for anyone who does it regardless of gender.

[@molybdomancer195]

Both my kids, son and daughter, did roller figure skating. Think wearing Lycra and rhinestones at competition. My son loved it and got his gf because she loved a guy who could confidently express h what is seen as the feminine side

[@anna-flora999]

That's the exact reason I didn't start doing ballet as a child

[@edienandy]

Parents couldn’t afford ballet for me as a kid. But now I take lessons in traditional Japanese dance so hooray for me 🎉

[@robderiche]

One of the best ways to meet people is by volunteering in a group setting. This gets you out of your own head and into your community. These activities are structured, so there’s no awkward standing around wondering what to do next, and doing things for others is a great way to internalize being less selfish in general. Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are all about give and take. If you enter a social milieu with the Tate mindset of “what’s in it for me,” you will remain lonely even if you do manage to get laid.