Shedding the Weight of Negativity is Essential for Freedom from Complex Trauma

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Tim Fletcher

Күн бұрын

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@aaronhess7781 2 ай бұрын

This is exactly why I quit social media. The doom scrolling was killing my mental health.

@scotts4492 2 ай бұрын

110%

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

anti -social media = plamdemic. Always was. It killed a LOT of things, like porm.

@lisakobenhavn78 2 ай бұрын

This is what I want to achieve, but scared of loneliness... fomo.

@maaikevermoen1727 2 ай бұрын

Hungry, angry, lonely, tired: HALT ( be aware and be careful in these states, do not make rash decicions or judgments when in these states) I did not come up with this acronym, I only remembered it.

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

add hormonal issues, diabetic insulin fluctuations, anemia & hypoxia....and it feels horrible & a full time job staying stable on the daily.

@misspeach3755 2 ай бұрын

Oh, that's a good one. Thanks for sharing!

@1timbarrett 2 ай бұрын

First time I’ve heard of the HALT acronym. Thanks! 🙏

@johndickerson6946 2 ай бұрын

I swear I’m on the Truman show and you are a totem character created to guide my sanity 😂

@sarahjmount9221 2 ай бұрын

Perfect comment 👍😊

@vickijoy3701 2 ай бұрын

100% @@sarahjmount9221

@terotivities6731 2 ай бұрын

😂😂 SAME😂😭😭😭😂

@ericb8413 2 ай бұрын

Yes!

@mj33 2 ай бұрын

😂💚

@charliebryce3783 2 ай бұрын

The problem is we treat ourselves the same way as our antagonist treated us. So our emotional part of us have an internally inflict the same pain the same way as our parents did. I find Internal Family System enormously helpful to reconcile the parts that are self damaging.

@alexxx4434 2 ай бұрын

And then be careful to not stray into toxic positivity either!

@kirsikka3752 2 ай бұрын

Yep, been there, done that. As damaging.

@Jordandacosta25 2 ай бұрын

Toxic positivity 😂 can’t win

@1timbarrett 2 ай бұрын

I call that ‘Pollyanna Syndrome’!😂

@fewtch2273 2 ай бұрын

Wow, this explains so much about why I felt so unsafe in my last relationship. The amount of negativity was way too much for me to handle, and it broke down my optimism and love for them.

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

likely happened in your family somewhere growing up.

@fewtch2273 2 ай бұрын

@@Jennifer-gr7hn my mother, just not to this dramatic degree 🙃

@sydismine 2 ай бұрын

Find absolutely anything that brings a simple joy, or a laugh. Have compassion for our humanity. And ourselves, we’ve been through so much. It’s going to be ok. ❤✌🏼

@official.sirhaxalot Ай бұрын

Exactly

@caroleminke6116 Ай бұрын

Be better & not bitter! My mother took the bitterness route in life & ended up with cancer @ 59. I also started down that path as an adult but caught it in time to be grateful instead. Just stop the envy & comparisons with others because no one is your unique you. Your experience on the healing path helps others to escape this state of depression & a rising tide lifts all boats

@Friedolays 2 ай бұрын

This guy rocks. The way he delivers is fire

@terryfelkins912 2 ай бұрын

I used to be a happy go lucky person! Not now! Total negative unhappy miserable on and on. Help!

@NattyByNature- 2 ай бұрын

Fought this fight and won. 2 years of consistent work meditation twice a day, deep breathing exercises right throughout the day, exercise 4 days a week, read at nights, write in the morning, constantly saying affirmations. And then I went through deep stress of relocating and went right back into my old self after 5 years of being a different me. Now it’s worst than before 😭😭😭. I can’t get back all my discipline, I had no idea how much work I did to get here until I try to do it again

@rosie21nify Ай бұрын

You never will forget this.. you retrained your brain and your body. Yes.. now you are in a testing period.. and you will fall into a hardship.. but you are not the same... you are always changing. You will experience yourself in a new way...

@northstar5919 13 күн бұрын

They say when you exercise muscles remember so when you stop you can easily continue. This is the same-just continue where you stopped. No negativity about it. Just do the same again. You can do it. You already did.

@falconbritt5461 2 ай бұрын

We really do have to try hard not to be negative, and learn how positive people think and live. It takes studying these things and much conscious effort.

@foxgun100 2 ай бұрын

Even positive people have negative moments. 12 Step meetings help me with that.

@Kittiesinclair5 2 ай бұрын

Other people are very negative nowadays. This is a fact and something we cannot change. The situation has gotten so bad that when those negative people abuse others, and those others speak up to say ‘I am being abused or mistreated at work, I need to find a solution’, THEY are then accused of being negative. So there’s ‘transferrance’ of the negativity from the people who are actually being negative, TO others. It is very difficult for me to deal with all of these negative people who accuse me of doing what they themselves are doing. I keep on smiling at work, trying to ignore all this bullshit and lying by others. I have recognized that others are probably unable to see what they are actually doing, unwilling to improve their outlook, or something else. It does not have to affect my outlook. However recognizing what others are like, does not make me the same as they are. I take some comfort in that.

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

what about those of us who find it very easy to validate, affirm and love others, then go home and cry that what I give, never comes back when I need it.

@roswithaandrae3790 2 ай бұрын

The same here!

@turdfurgason8476 2 ай бұрын

Same here! Can you do me a favor as a stranger? Can you affirm, validate and love yourself for me?❤

@mj33 2 ай бұрын

It is truly beautiful that you like to show up to the world this way, however, If it is causing you pain & emotional upsets, you are not "find[ing] it easy" to validate, affirm & love others. You are suffering as you do not get the same back when you need it. You have to be honest with yourself. Once you put the attention to your own needs, instead of ignoring them, and pouring in everyone else's cup, you won't need that back and will truly find it easy to give validation, care and love to others... You will also be wise about where to put that caring energy. This is not an attack just a perspective which is your right to ponder on or ignore. Blessings 💚

@randomcompilations201 2 ай бұрын

Read untethered soul by micheal singer

@rltreasure 2 ай бұрын

It part of complex trauma behavior. We try to give to others what we never received ourselves, hoping somebody else will turn the tables and do the same for us, which they never seem to do that’s why we go home and cry.

@divine3096 2 ай бұрын

That’s so true especially about the part of being an unsafe person. I know I’m an unsafe person because of how unsafe I am with myself.

@MikeyMoo-1983 2 ай бұрын

Honest and courages comment, well done you, we have to expose the shadow in order to heal 👌🙏

@rtoriq Ай бұрын

The thing is when he got to that part, my mind was like “I don’t want to be anyone’s safe space; only 1 person has ever been a safe space for me in my entire life, so oh well, welcome to reality.” *shrug* But I know it’s thinking pattern, and I am struggling to break it.

@alicehenri598 2 ай бұрын

I find that the most pertinent videos come up exactly when I need to hear them. It’s uncanny. I thank you for all that you do and how you literally save us.

@nancyroberts1702 2 ай бұрын

It is a habit that I’m really trying to change; but keep slipping into that hole. Gets harder and harder to climb back up…

@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl 2 ай бұрын

It is only a failure when you stop trying. We believe in you ❤️

@ericb8413 2 ай бұрын

I wake up feeling negative and critical of my self and spend all day trying to crawl out of this mindset. It’s exhausting.

@susanhills8015 2 ай бұрын

Waking up every day triggers my ptsd emotions. I sleep to escape them so have been nigh on in bed for the last year.

@divine3096 2 ай бұрын

What helps me is my passions, find a passion, though it may not fix the problem but it can help you stay grounded on days you are feeling good

@turdfurgason8476 2 ай бұрын

Stay positive. I can't sleep because of the nightmares from my abusive family.😂

@gohawks3571 2 ай бұрын

@@turdfurgason8476☹️☹️☹️

@Dustin-jg6ms 2 ай бұрын

Crank up some good music from back in the days with some vintage big floor speakers!

@sonyavail1585 Ай бұрын

What I love about Tim’s series is that it is presented in a way that I don’t feel condemned or afraid or ashamed. If I watch something else about narcissist or negative thinking, they make it seem like I’m a terrible person. Tim’s series has compassion and I thank you for that.

@rltreasure 2 ай бұрын

I’ve dealt 90% failure rate most my life and deal with a very negative mindset. OMG. No wonder I feel angry all the time.

@cloudmountaindog8537 2 ай бұрын

Q: How do you overcome this when it’s specifically about interpersonal trauma? As a person who has only had 2 100% safe people in entire my life, negativity comes from a place that’s just trying to protect myself from more crap. I know that this is not good. But how can I protect myself from further crap AND be open to the possibility that there are actually decent people in the world, and not just users, abusers, frauds & cheats? I didn’t used to have this kind of attitude but after 50 years of crap, how does one overcome all that negative experience?

@beckyc.2401 2 ай бұрын

I was just asking my husband this same thing earlier today. I am always on the defense. It truly is sad to have to live like this. Would you say that you are in the constant state of, 'fight or flight?' I am and I have now been diagnosed with an auto immune disease.

@charliebryce3783 2 ай бұрын

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

@@beckyc.2401 did you get cv shot? That could be the autoimmune disease, but yes, could also be the ptsd. Is your husband a safe, caring, protective person? If so, be very, very thankful

@beckyc.2401 2 ай бұрын

@Jennifer-gr7hn I did not have the cv shot. (Love your discreet choice of words!) 😉 Yes, my husband is here for me, but sometimes I feel as though he doesn't fully understand. (I do not fault him for this.) If I didn't have him, as I always tell him, I think I'd be in a padded cell. Thanks for your reply!

@cloudmountaindog8537 2 ай бұрын

@beckyc.2401 Thanks for your reply. Sorry you’re in that health situation. I spent many years in fight & flight with extreme trauma symptoms but for the past few years, my affect is basically flat and don’t feel much at all. The way approach the world is through memory of how I used to be. I’m a positive, kind person by nature and that will never change but am basically a hermit after all the trauma. It’s not preferred but trust is shot to pieces. In most ways my life is ideal but the interpersonal piece is oogie.

@beckywells6603 2 ай бұрын

Thanks Tim, just what I needed to hear tonight. I am grateful for you for sure and appreciate all your wisdom and guidance in my healing journey.

@keelymatteson5171 2 ай бұрын

So I used to be on the negative trend with the 90/10 rule But I did a 360 trying to change and think I had the toxic positivity and put up with too much. Any suggestions on finding that line, especially when it comes to workplace?

@nathansmith-nd9nq 2 ай бұрын

This made clear sense.thank you so much. I think I will review this a couple of times hoping it sinks in .

@Tripp111 2 ай бұрын

Thank you. 🙏❤️🍕

@jmfs3497 2 ай бұрын

For me it's my job... or more importantly it is the people/culture. I see so much opportunity, but I have an OCPD manager that seems angry when I do my best work. i have CPTSD, though, and understand that it is MY problem to change. I want to see the silver linings, keep a well-rounded resume, and network myself into a job with better people. I've become codependent on my job, rather than doing everything I can to get out. I ruminate rather than activate, and thankfully I'm no longer in denial, even if I still get carried away.

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

good honest assessment, keep up the good work! Workplaces are so hard -- replicas of home life for me. Worked stressful hospital job, always abusive management but had hard time leaving. Staff because bullies, like a sibling growing up...the protection she always got and continues to.... definitely hard stuff

@misspeach3755 2 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, it's hard to find good work environments. I have changed jobs so many times ... peace needs to come from within.

@jmfs3497 2 ай бұрын

@@misspeach3755 I agree. That is the biggest thing I am working on. I go to therapy, go to support groups, and I keep working towards being healthy despite any situation in which I find myself.

@katiemiller4187 2 ай бұрын

This guy is amazing thank you tim

@KS0102 Ай бұрын

Thr big question is why positivity is so hard to find in the first place. This is a big wake up call to society.

@Xr2-8fan_810 2 ай бұрын

Thank you Tim, so good to listen here and learn. Linda OKC

@Kittiesinclair5 2 ай бұрын

16:00 ‘focus on your own issues’….ok, what if the problems you are facing need othes to contribute toward a solution? Others who dont admit their involvement or dont want to help solve or resolve the problem? And the problem won’t go away without resolution. I cant do everything. When the problem persists I am blamed. Then I keep on getting blamed.

@sarahbeee 2 ай бұрын

Because you are upset, so you're being "negative" rather than hurt and frustrated trying to fix everything on your own? Then you feel overwhelmed and give up? About right?

@olgakim4848 2 ай бұрын

Thank you, Tim. 💖

@1timbarrett 2 ай бұрын

So helpful. Thank you, Tim! 😘

@aaaaaaaapins1578 2 ай бұрын

thx a lot you are literally life teacher

@tarawarren8573 2 ай бұрын

Thank you.

@RockingRebelYell 2 ай бұрын

This is one of many reasons why I’m gonna go no contact with my parents when I move out

@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl 2 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

@shannone8219 2 ай бұрын

This is healing thank you

@dailylifeexperiences560 24 күн бұрын

Here's the thing, I haven't been negative, I have been hurt lots..., others have been negative and critical..., now I find myself being that way. I hate that.

@Callie-joe07 28 күн бұрын

Funny how watching a particular advert sets off an algorithm for these types of videos to start coming through... Am watching as am in need of something more than just seeing a psychologist once a week. My main triggers are within my family, I am the scapegoat in mine, grew up with an emotionally unavailable father, a narcissistic mother, two sisters and im in the middle so there's that, both sistets were overachievers and thrived on self importance, i grew up being the one whom was sick as a baby through to being the person in the family and didnt fit the mold my parents wanted me to be... So grew a thick skin, backbone and lived with a mask on for years, till i had a NDE from an overdose out partying one night about 8 years ago.. then something changed in me, I stopped trying to fit the family mold, i stepped away from alot of toxic people and relationships and became more aware of wanting to change how I saw myself, now ive been in therapy and I like my 3rd psychologist as she gets me and i know im feeling better day by day... Now im into watching these types of videos and researching through books and currently doing meditation before bed to help me detress and unwind

@alexxx4434 2 ай бұрын

Isn't it hard to stay positive in the current world? It's almost as if you have to dissociate to exist.

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

all you have to do is exit anti social media, & find others who are into healing vs la la land -- hard but possible

@Kittiesinclair5 2 ай бұрын

Agreed. I think thats the key, dissociation, thank u for using that word.

@lmiles998 2 ай бұрын

Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest Jesus Christ of Nazareth

@sarahbeee 2 ай бұрын

Really, though.. times are pretty depressing and absolutely insane. It is no measure of wellness to be well adjusted to an insane world.

@HeyItsFlix 2 ай бұрын

i love all of you

@0wenfox 2 ай бұрын

Amazing video thank you Tim

@sue5158 2 ай бұрын

Sometimes i just dont wanna come out of the negative space.

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

it's because it's am addiction itself - dopamine hits, plus, control ...we know that place, & it keeps us safely "victims"

@GohPhuckyoselph 2 ай бұрын

Its annoying but I've been in survival mode for so long i don't know how to get out of it. Not to mention the constant flashbacks, even fighting negativity wears me down. So what exactly do i do about that?

@Jennifer-gr7hn 2 ай бұрын

tell me about it..I live with physical disability due to my traumas, so it's hourly reminders, then every time I have to go to the dreaded healthcare system ..... cranial sacral therapy, trauma therapist, get off anti social media. I know, it's hard....I've lived that mode for decades.....it's like getting to know a different person

@nancyroberts1702 2 ай бұрын

I feel the same way!!

@mystearicanohr9521 Ай бұрын

Negative Spiral 10/15/2024 I was making lots of progress. Had a great morning. Then I went to my doctor appt. I had gained several pounds and was asked to explain it. I handled that better than expected, I thought. But then doc didn’t understand why I would be depressed about my birthday coming up and tried to make me feel better. *Trigger Activated* I downward spiraled embarrassingly in front of my doctor and her scribe. Driving back to work, I continued downward spiraling into hopelessness. I was literally wishing I could die. At work, I mimed thrusting an imaginary knife into my chest, over and over. I pressed a scissor blade on my arm to see how much pressure/pain I could take. I raked my nails down my arm. I got myself to cool it somewhat by grabbing paper and writing down exactly what had been talked about to find the trigger point. But I didn’t actually feel better until I got home, collapsed in bed, and slept for three hours.

@naturalnewbie98 Ай бұрын

12:00 important 17:50

@jamesdiamond2302 2 ай бұрын

G'day everyone. Is it possible to get cured of this problem? Will i ever be better from distrust, anger or fear?

@tavo6496 2 ай бұрын

There isn’t a cure because that’s not how this type of healing works! It’s a slow acceptance and gradual shifting of behaviors and maladaptive functioning that takes time. However if you’re patient with yourself, and give yourself grace, respect yourself, and view others objectively and for not who you think they are or want them to be, you’ll be on your way captain. It’s life, and it ain’t easy, but then what is?

@Gin8Gin7 2 ай бұрын

@@tavo6496absolutely the best non bs positive response for this kind of thing.

@marinakukso 2 ай бұрын

I agree with the above comment. Healing is possible, but it requires your own commitment to yourself. A genuine desire to be better *for yourself*, and a constant practice to counter the negative thoughts. I recommend internal family systems therapy (a good place to start is the book "no bad parts). I often check in with my internal parts (multiple times a day) to see how everyone is doing and resolve issues if any parts aren't happy with how things are going. Remember to have self-compassion, forgive yourself, and keep going. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

@jamesdiamond2302 2 ай бұрын

@@tavo6496 thanks for your time. How can I at least become better in leaps and bounds?

@jamesdiamond2302 2 ай бұрын

@@marinakukso thanks for your help. Are you a believer in Christ?

@schaschuschascho Ай бұрын

100%. Gold.

@antoinetteconley5149 2 ай бұрын

Awesome!❤❤❤❤❤

@anethakemp9422 2 ай бұрын

Would it be possible to leave the slides on the screen for a little longer, please?

@maaikevermoen1727 2 ай бұрын

You can click "pause" while you are watching and then read the slide.

@raki1190-y7i 2 ай бұрын

just pause the video!

@supergran1702 2 ай бұрын

Valid request. I'd prefer the slides to stay on the screen a bit longer. If I pause the video, I can't take a clear screen shot. Which I like to do sometimes, to read later. It helps me retain the info.

@raki1190-y7i 2 ай бұрын

@@ebbyc1817 I didn’t mean anything negative or critical in my comment - I was just offering a simple suggestion that I thought could help. If it wasn’t useful to you, that’s fine, no need to feel negative or hold onto it. Just move on, no hard feelings. This is also something you need to learn to accept.

@raki1190-y7i 2 ай бұрын

@@ebbyc1817 I hear you, but I wasn’t really defending anything - just offering a quick solution. Pausing the video and grabbing a screenshot is an easy fix when the slides move fast. Sure, asking the author to change the timing is valid, but waiting for them to re upload or adjust everything because of a missed pause feels like overcomplicating it. Just throwing out a suggestion.