Slow Down Guys: Why Being A Provider Can Wait - Episode 126

[@natemclarke]

This resonates with me. To be provider, you need to provide for yourself first. Don't get caught in the hype of social media. Investing in the long term rather than temporary moments.

[@thoughtsideas6929]

The gifts conversation is really interesting. I was in a relationship w a man who said I’m going to teach my daughter to split bill on dates. And I said, “No, instead, teach her that you don’t say Thank You with your body”.

[@thoughtsideas6929]

In regards to Duke’s point re underestimating how pressured you may feel in the moment. I don’t disagree, but this is why I don’t let a man do more for me than what I can do for myself - ESPECIALLY if I’m in the decision-making phase, I only want to base the decision on his character - I don’t want to be swayed in any way by gifts.

[@emanibabin]

That’s good.

[@butterflymage5623]

…..both?

[@soleneptune9498]

My daddy spoiled me enough to not be too impressed by what the boys were doing 😂😂

[@BerryOptimystic]

“You still missing what day the trash can comes” had me holler.

[@skytodd_]

I love the way they disagree with each other !

[@FitnPaid]

Crazy so no one has conversations like this. Most gift giving is set as an expectation and looked for as provision.

[@lolbnw]

I gotta agree with Duke, most women aren’t asking for money the way men say they are. I’ve dated men that were well off and never asked for money directly. Now I may have said something in passing like “oh I think I’m interested in going to school” and that’s usually followed up with “how much do you need?” But I just can’t see myself flat out asking. That doesn’t even sit right with me.

[@butterflymage5623]

Does it matter if it’s asked directly? It’s not like we aren’t aware of what’s actually being said. Just kinda sounds like plausible deniability. I’m genuinely asking, not trying to start a fight. (Gotta be clear on the internet)

[@EshaRenee]

Great conversation and much needed❤ I'm blessed to be an 80's baby and I did not grow up with social media. People need to stop relying on social media for influence on their relationships and way of living. My heart goes out to the children born during this age, with social media being such a big influence in their lives. Hopefully their families can keep them grounded.

[@AET1689]

I’m a woman and i believe in self sufficiency for all! No one should require or need the next person to be able to survive or maintain the lifestyle you choose to have. If you happen to have a partner who wants to uplift you in any way; I do believe in reciprocity and balance as well! I think men and women alike set themselves up for failure by being the gifting horse always or being the constant recipient w/o rhyme or reason! There are so many gifts in a relationship that have no monetary cost but are invaluable

[@roea7846]

This is a great conversation. I really agree with Omar's perspective. Use wisdom. There are levels to provision. All of you men made great points. Duke was cooking on his message of treating each other as human beings. You gentlemen really have something special with this podcast. As a woman, I feel hopeful about our community. Please keep these types of conversations going.

[@Kenesha_]

I can agree! I don’t think women are out here asking for money like that. I have never done so nor hang out with women who operate like that. But also, like Duke said we have to start looking at each other as individuals in a relationship not what we can get. It seems like the culture is more transactional based. I believe those of us who are secure in ourselves and understand our purpose will find the ones who are looking for something real and want to build legacy. 🤎 Solid episode guys!

[@Talkin_fba_bizness]

I think music and social media makes it seem like black women ask more than they do but as a man I can say there are some women who are begging but most black women already expect men not to have so they don't feel comfortable asking , I had to make my fiance understand that I'm here to provide for her before she felt uncomfortable asking ,we can't keep saying modern women are too independent but also say they ask for money too much, it's contradicting

[@Kenesha_]

@@Talkin_fba_bizness yes I can see that! I had a friend who was living with her boyfriend and was scared to ask him for money for things around the apartment. So I get that. And great point! It is contradictory!

[@VershyTheQueen]

I am not going to lie I have met several "women" who are like this and I couldn't rock with them because they were intentionally using men

[@Rashaadthegr8]

Providing for any woman outside of your wife is CRAZY and unbiblical.

[@HafizTuray-t8d]

I’m 24. Subscribed to these brothers a few weeks ago. Interested in what they studied and what was the turning point as to how this podcast and concentration of topics came about.

[@ramick2506]

Welcome

[@kordneynycole]

I love how yall have an example for every point yall are trying to make! It just makes the conversation so engaging and we get real life scenarios with different perspectives! Amazing !

[@2womuchme]

We need better practices with finding our person. Body, looks, materials and or education can be a distraction for compatibility. Red flags are real and most of us have not ever seen a healthy relationship. We are all out here trying to figure it out. Understand, to get whatever we believe we deserve, will take work, we have not seen.

[@tristamarie7115]

Good point from Jalon about if you get angry/frustrated when providing you aren't truly ready to provide and if you add children, it's a recipe for disaster as you are then 100% responsible for their provision. Good point by Omar regarding treating people first like human beings and that we've all had difference experience, but all deserve respect. My two cents...don't start giving on a level you can't maintain as you'll lose the woman's respect. I think that is where men get in trouble. To avoid disappointment/bitterness, only give when you don't care if you get something in return or not. I know that goes against men's natural tendency as they are typically results driven. When it comes to women, to avoid over giving and getting heart broken, ask herself before doing anything, 'Did he ask me to do this?' How will I feel about myself, if I don't get the reaction I'm looking for?' I believe she can even tell him, 'I'm not going to do X because I know I won't feel good about myself afterward.' When women don't over give, she will always have her dignity, won't get heart broken and gives the man the opportunity to lead/make his own decision. Also, think it is good for men to at least live on their own for a year to help them build their foundation vs. going from relationship to relationship/living with women.

[@stephaniebraxton7811]

I love you this I’m sending this to both of my daughters. You all are saying things that young people omen need to hear!😊

[@snipershotshawtie5092]

I’m a female with a female partner but I take more of the masculine role, but I feel this so much. There needs to be an understanding of how hard it is for the sole provider to provide and take care of things. I think this is something I presented too soon. Ultimately you have to be in a comfortable place before taking care of anyone else. But also having the space to verbally express this concern is good to have!

[@Iman_davis]

Glad I tapped into this conversation - great group of young brothers setting the example and getting the minds right of our youth

[@derreckaffor5584]

Yall are so respectful even when you disagree. I love that and I feel as though you guys are mature and are able to have a thorough conversation without getting angered. Love yall man

[@bmoney185]

Gotta up there with one of the best episodes!!!

[@arianalynette4502]

healthy conversations!!! I love this podcast man!

[@beamerrandlogistics3781]

Great convo!

[@stephaaanieeb1948]

Lol I wanted to see O's reaction when Jalon was talking about box ahahhaaa

[@p4pd0n]

This was a banger for sure 🫡

[@taoyang_]

Great conversation 👏🏾

[@shatieradgceo]

Yes, Do not lean on your own understanding (7:14) the details hold the best outcome. ☺️

[@LeeyahTheMuse]

It definitely breeds high and unreasonable expectations. It is different if that is what is expected of a woman due to how she was raised. However, a woman whos high standards and expectations came from comparing themselves to those on social media will always end up disappointed.

[@makeupjanell_]

Please come to Atlanta

[@mercadezmemoir]

These children are not only into pop culture they also see their favorite KZbinrs online everyday making more money than adults. This also puts into their kid mind that they can obtain the same money and be able to buy the same lavish gifts cause there are other kids online doing it. It is a tough generation to grow up in.

[@richardbwaja301]

Guys please bring Devale Ellis to the show🙏🏾

[@lillianogugua]

I wanna hear a conversation about the women who were spoiled by their fathers (like Omar’s daughter probably will be) and they have high standards. Not because of social media but simply by the life their fathers were able to provide them. Are they wrong for having high standards because that was what they were exposed to?

[@AngelaElikya]

What do you considered being spoiled ?

[@lillianogugua]

@@AngelaElikya maybe just used to living a high class lifestyle. Traveled a lot, nice cars, big house, fancy restaurants. Maybe her dad/family had money lol

[@twonrichpo1126]

​@@lillianogugua I would say that's perfectly fine. U just have to only date men who can provide or tend to that lifestyle. U can't expect to change someone more conservative financially to become that more extravagant guy.

[@lillianogugua]

@@twonrichpo1126 I would agree. That’s not me lol I’m married to conservative man but I was just wondering

[@AngelaElikya]

@@lillianogugua I don't think that's being spoiled. Being spoiled and being " rich" is not the same

[@thoughtsideas6929]

Men out here building stuff for the BABY wo directions?! All women, everywhere collectively shaking their heads and preparing to build EVERYTHING for the BABY themselves 🤦🏽‍♀️ Don’t compromise all the confidence she has in you on ego and dangerous decisions.

[@thoughtsideas6929]

So glad Omar stood on this hill - cooking, and driving directions are NOT the same as something that HAS to be structurally *exact* when the baby is jumping and playing or it bc a danger to the child.

[@demarcuscrump4904]

Did the amount of commercials increase or something? LOL

[@BerryOptimystic]

Maybe it’s the algorithm because I saw nun on this episode but saw 50 million on a different episode.

[@isaiahdavis2765]

I will say, a 16 yr old may not be listening but a man in his 20s definitely is.

[@coreythomas3633]

EMBARRISING BLACK MEN ARE THE ONLY MEN IN AMERICA THAT COMPLAINS ABOUT PROVIDING. BEING BROKE IS NOT OK.

[@Mrtimrrod]

Ommmaarrr came through with that Not a good instruction taker !!!! 😫 in connection with the leader!!

[@ckaeee1613]

Personally never asked a nan for money. I have asked ONE time for a man to pay ONE bill (cell phone) for me when I wasn't able to work as much as I needed to. He said he would and then never did it. After that I never asked another man to pay for anything ever again lol

[@gerardlead9321]

At 57:39 mark 🤥🌝

[@Tenno22]

Every man should lead with his wallet, that is not “trickin”

[@beu2543]

Jalon: “Nuance.”

[@ladylove5632]

I think women shouldn’t be having sxx without some sort of provisions in place. It doesn’t have to be extra spectacular. - Don’t want to risk creating a baby when the man can’t provide simpler things. Especially when health is at risk as well.

[@MP-pj5ui]

I must be a man because I'm just like Jalon. I want the fastest way to complete something and by my own knowledge i'll complete it. I hate instructions. LOL.

[@BrysPow]

i'm 24 this was my first time tapping in, this the type convo I been needing to hear 🫡 good talk

[@Sterlin-f3f]

Aren't real and pick one. I am baptist gits are important. Boys and girls will take from you. So I focus on my gifts. Witch matters your gifts trys baptist. Pic one. I need this around a man. Congratulations

[@heyerikan]

Duke, this “women are emotional” kick is tired, respectfully. Are you saying women put something together and get emotional afterwards if it doesn’t work out? So curious why that’s an assumption of women generally for you…I see. That’s your lady. Respectfully, I don’t think that’s a helpful generalization of women. Not the end of the world, but ive heard this “women are emotional” slant a few times, misplaced imo, and wanted to note it.

[@emanibabin]

Women are emotional, honestly everyone is and can be. Being emotional is not a put down lol, it’s a statement and a fact. As women we have to stop associating being emotional as being a weak woman or being a cryer, that is not what being emotional means or how it manifests on a consistent basis. It’s not a negative and I personally don’t believe Duke ever makes the statement to take a kick at women, hear the spirit and the principle behind what he’s saying, yk?

[@jas1565]

​@@emanibabinif everyone can be emotional then we can stop associating emotion with women. No one says it's a bad thing but it is used as a quality generally associated with women for a reason.

[@emanibabin]

@@jas1565 sigh lol. Humans in general have qualities associated with each way they show up in the world, there is just quite literally no escaping that lol it’s how the world works, it’s only an issue for people who see it negatively, if it doesn’t apply to you then what’s the issue yk? All I’m saying is Duke doesn’t solely hone in on women being emotional, I’ve heard him say one more than 1 occasions, the exact same thing about men. No argument, no issue.

[@heyerikan]

@@emanibabin👍🏾

[@Sterlin-f3f]

Aren't real and pick one. I am baptist gits are important. Boys and girls will take from you. So I focus on my gifts. Witch matters your gifts trys baptist. Pic one. I need this around a man. Congratulations