Why Are Boys' Bedrooms Like ... That?

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sources:
Why Do So Many Adult Men Keep Their Mattresses On The Floor? - www.vice.com/e...
Men: Why Do You Only Have Maroon or Navy Bed Sheets? - www.vice.com/e...
The Myth That Gets Men Out of Doing Chores - www.theatlanti...
Men are being called out by women on TikTok for using ‘weaponised incompetence’ to avoid chores - www.glamourmag...
Owning A Bed Frame Is Not An Accomplishment - / owning-a-bed-frame-is-...
I’m a boyfriend who uses weaponised incompetence. Can I change? - www.gq-magazin...
Emasculated Men Refuse to Do Chores-Except Cooking - www.theatlanti...
Even Breadwinning Wives Don’t Get Equality at Home - www.theatlanti...
Why Teen Boys Have More Leisure Time Than Teen Girls - www.theatlanti...
Most mums admit favouring sons, say researchers - www.theguardia...
Family relationships: did you grow up thinking your mum treated your brother differently to you? - www.stylist.co...
time stamps:
00:00 - intro
05:00 - boys' bedrooms
17:44 - boys will be boys
22:04 - the girlfriend to mother pipeline
***FOR BUSINESS ENQUIRIES ONLY***
[e-mail]

[@leela8641]

had my heart broken by a boy who didn’t have sheets on his bed, with a big yellowish stain on his mattress. never again. never again.

[@moonblvd_]

honestly that might be on you should've known better, glad that you care more about yourself now 😭🫶

[@leela8641]

@@moonblvd_to be fair the only time I saw his dorm, it was when he was breaking up with me!! 😭😭😭😭

[@anzaia2164]

Tbf anything will stain a mattress yellow. I got a big stain on mine from it getting rained on. I'm not doubting that your guy's bed was filthy, without a sheet I'm sure it was. I just want to say that a stain alone doesn't have to mean that anything's wrong with the bedding.

[@Zelomakitoko]

my first bf always came out of the bathroom with a pee stain on his boxers, and i still stuck around for 3 years fml

[@botanicalitus4194]

@@Zelomakitokowe need to do better. All of us need to collectively raise our standards bc these guys cant keep getting away with this 😭

[@1234scann]

My ex and I would constantly fight about chores, I looked at him once and said "I've met your mother and she's not me" He would constantly claim that I was not clean because I refused to clean up after him so the apartment was messy. It's funny that once he moved out the apartment magically remained clean almost all the time.

[@NormaLeeIWood]

I relate to this so much. I'm now grateful for my nice, clean apartment that no longer magically dirties itself, lol.

[@l1liapad81]

I hate how these types of men expect every woman they date to magically become their mom and clean up after them and do all the chores for them🧍

[@J_Mock92]

My place was always a disaster because of my ex. I'd clean something and then my partner would create a giant mess... We're both men, but he's more of a "typical" guy. I'd clean the bathroom sink, and he'd choose that day to trim his beard. I'd scrub down the whole kitchen, and then there's dirty dishes and stuff spilled all over the counter or burned to the stove the next day. It gets disheartening so I just didnt even bother cleaning up sometimes anymore..... Meanwhile, he'd complain if I leave makeup out on the desk or something after getting ready... Like wtf? 🙄

[@KirillManenkov-ug7fz]

​@@l1liapad81What's the point of having a gf who doesn't want to clean up the sh it in the first place?

[@l1liapad81]

@@KirillManenkov-ug7fz that’s not the point I was tryna get across. What I was tryna say is that woman do not want a man that will just treat them like their mother and expect her to do everything for him while he does nothing to help, a good man would help his girlfriend/wife with chores and cleaning. They must work together to keep the relationship healthy

[@MrsRimavelle]

Men be sleeping on the floor and then build a zen garden inside their gaming PC case.

[@giordanodsouza9563]

That sounds dope actually fr

[@WandaSykesOfficial]

Hahaha so true

[@popdogfool]

Different priorities. Women be neglecting their cars and then have like a million different products for thier skin care, and thats completely fine to do.

[@justadummy8076]

@@popdogfool Fr, they’ll complain about mess on the countertop but ignore the mess their skincare/makeup products make on the dresser

[@popdogfool]

@@justadummy8076 hmmm that might be a justified complain if the countertop is shared. her dresser probably isnt shared. edit* OPs complaint about men, was purely their own stuff, people can live how they want if it only affects them.

[@eponymouscharacter]

This makes me appreciate my husband so much. We met in our mid twenties. When I went to his apartment for the first time, I was so impressed with the cleanliness, neatness, the modest but well thought out furnishings, his full set of crockery and small decorative touches like a vase with fake flowers in the bathroom. He was travelling a lot for work at the time so I would have understood if it was more of a “boy room” because he spent so little time there. Now we’re married and have a very even split of chores. It is possible!

[@purplelove3666]

He shouldn't appreciate him because he cleans,you should appreciate him because he is your husband and he fits your criteria. You are appreciating him for doing the basics as a human

[@lakritz8732]

That’s such a green flag. When a men has a decorated apartment, good lighting, some functional details in the kitchen, a laundry routine and a little garbage can in the bathroom it just shows he’s developed enough a person to care for himself and others.

[@herefortheshrimp1469]

He DIDNT just have one cheap pot that he used over and over again for everything and one stained towel?!?! Okay…that second one was mine but I know I’m not alone lol

[@lishthefish1423]

did he travel to other continents? if so, he may have picked up on those things during his visits

[@habituscraeft]

My husband lived on his own for a long time before I met him, and I grew up AuDHD in a chaosy, pack rat house where there wasn't space enough to be tidy, so we literally moved piles around in order to do the hygenic kind of cleaning, instead. (And before you get on me: my dad actively discouraged me from getting rid of "useful" or "quality" things that I definitely wasn't using, recycling was a huge ethic in my household, and I was a suburban kid, so it's not like I could take things to Goodwill without parental cooperation.) Basically, even though I am the one with higher aesthetic standards, he is the one who sees that the base standards of social decency are met (art on the walls, cleaning sheets if I haven't gotten to them in a reasonable time frame, &c.). He also does most of the consistent cooking and cleaning, despite having a job, whereas I tend to do the intermittent, deep cleaning tasks unless we are working together. As a woman, I'm fully aware of what a burden this is, and it's kinda awful. Luckily, I shoulder most of the childcare and have put a *lot* of effort into transforming our household organizational structures so that the house takes a fraction of the time it used to take, to keep up with-which is a level of tackling the problem that it generally doesn't occur to him to do, but he really notices and appreciates.

[@sterlinsilver]

My room was fully decorated but with no bedframe. The reason? No monsters can hide under the bed if there's no "under the bed"

[@screamingbegins4688]

@@sterlinsilver but mold

[@priestofronaldalt]

​@screamingbegins4688 well at least we know how to handle that. Buy seriously there was a period where my mattress was on the floor and it was the most uncomfortable I've been while sleeping probably ever

[@aerinax8203]

this guy gets it

[@evie180]

Mold will grow under your mattress, at least get wooden pallets to lift the mattress off of the ground

[@sterlinsilver]

@evie180 the mold gives me strength

[@Honeyhams]

This whole phenomenon gives "Fellas, is it gay to respect and take care of yourself and your space?"

[@crunchevo8974]

no but for real. there are places like r/malelivingspace which has men acting like picking a frame with flowers in it is too feminine and will ruin the vibes. luckily a lot of the people on there actually have good taste and call out how ludicrous it is that if a man has a lovely warm and cozy space to relax in it's seen as less socially acceptable than an office chair in a liminal space between life and wherever that apartment is. dudes gotta stop being so scared of what other people will think and start thinking about what makes them happy, take action to make that a reality and just enjoy their space.

[@dia5131]

LOLLL I see this with that whole looksmaxxing stuff like....guys....it's okay to be sleeping well and having a skin care routine and a well balanced diet.....ur not gay or feminine for that...u don't have to give it some masculine name LMAO

[@GayToBeHere]

Sadly gay men also do that kind of things omg. My ex-roomate was gay and his room looked like hell.

[@AIBot929]

​@@dia5131Yeah, Idk why men decided being dirty, with clogged pores, dirty finger nails and no furniture is masculine

[@Darendddd]

it is not about being gay or feminine, just boy don't realy care about that things, with age they understand what need organize space, but for youg age that not seems very important, but of cpurse nt everyone like that, some girls can be messy too. Not for everyone that things is interesting.

[@elizabethcassidy8082]

As a woman who has "boy" cleaning habits, including a high tolerance for terrible messes, I fully understand women being disgusted with 'boy bedrooms'. It's a symbol that you won't pull your weight in having a good household. I don't want to clean up your damn messes; I already hate cleaning up, I'm not cleaning up your shit. This whole housework problem where men refuse to clean up, is an anecdotal reason as why women are refusing to partner up, or choosing to become housewives. Like, they're going to be cleaning anyway, so why the fuck should they have 2 jobs?

[@Juliaaa_vine]

EXACTLY! I am a highly eligible single young woman and I just CANNOT get myself to commit to a man for this very reason. I’d rather be alone! I’ve lived with men in the past and it’s always a mess.

[@asliceofcake6490]

Yuppp. What you describe with the 2 jobs is also called "the third shift." I moved into my guy friend's living situation really hoping it wouldn't be the case, but it was. I don't mind messes but when you aren't cleaning up when living with someone it's so clear you expect the other person (in my case, me ;-;) to handle it.

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

as an AFAB person who is also messier than most "boys", you put my thoughts into words better than i ever could honestly, and it's the reason why I'm glad to be ace/aro so i don't drag other people into my mess

[@jalapeno1119]

Clocked it

[@elizabethcassidy8082]

@@jalapeno1119 ? (BTW, I am also condemning myself for having these bad habits. I am also saying that I am not pulling my weight.)

[@wekillhearts]

When you said "hasn't washed his bed sheets since July" I was confused for a moment because July 2024 hasn't even come yet until I realized you meant JULY 2023 ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

No matter what month it is 😭😭 sheets shouldn't go unwashed for more than a week! 2 weeks max! Specially if it's hot in the place they live, imagine the sweat that sheet has absorbed 😭😭😭😭😭

[@jessmacdd]

​@ imagine the smell my god. i would get crazy acne from that

[@MissKashira]

When she said that I assumed I was watching an old video. Imagine my horror upon scrolling down and discovering it wasn't even a day old.

[@l.s.d.5863]

This is my ex. I'm not great about cleaning, especially during my depressive periods, but I kept up a bare minimum of hygienic decency around our place at least. And I always felt bad about not doing enough around the house, while he did literally nothing. I assumed that once I left, he'd have to "go back" to taking care of himself. I was wrong. I recently went by his place to pick something up of mine, a year after our break-up. I don't think he's washed the sheets, his clothes, or himself since we broke up. It was like a crack house. It was fucking vile. Suddenly I don't feel like I was the reason our house was often messy. lol

[@GrinMonister]

As a girl, I only wash my bedding every few months. The dryer in my apartment building takes multiple loads to dry bedding, so it ends up costing about $10. I don't have $10 to spend every week to wash bedding!

[@waterproofcrying]

I am a woman and I purposefully buy bed sheets that hide blood stains..because sadly despite wearing literal diapers I sometimes get some blood on the bed, sometimes I use a towel also to avoid a leak..I do not know how some women have white bedsheets and comforters unless they have some dark sheets hidden somewhere

[@Aelffwynn]

Yeah idk what's wrong with dark bedsheets. Sometimes a stain happens. Thats doesn't mean you don't wash the sheets, just that you don't want to go through such a difficult stain removal process all the time.

[@impstolemyshoes4974]

H-hunny- you may have endometriosis

[@kuma1326]

@@impstolemyshoes4974it’s called having a period….

[@Aerinn21]

How do you even get blood stain on the bedsheets, i.e. pillow cases and duvet case? I understand the sheet that is underneath your bum can get a stain if a leak happens, towels or washable mattress covers usually do the trick? But the rest??

[@Aelffwynn]

@@Aerinn21 if you're prone to nosebleeds

[@rchhcsupernova]

My brother use to have a lot of weaponized incompetence and I got used to that. Once I explained my bf how to properly fold fitted bedsheets (which is hard) and he was trying alone the next time and came to me bc he was struggling. I told him to leave it I will do it. He said, no, I will do it just guide me once again. And that was the sweetest thing to me. He never has done something badly to skip doing it.

[@sclements1193]

i can’t remember where i read it, but i looked into it for a uni project on sofia coppolas dipictions of bedrooms. they argued that women put so much care and place so much identity within their bedrooms since they were expected to be at home! men were socialised to be outside and working or being out with friends or dates etc etc where as they wanted to keep girls ‘safe’ in the house. thought this was a really interesting layer to this sort of conversation :)

[@hereforthechaos7614]

Yes, that actually makes a lot of sense, thank you for sharing!

[@shadycatz85]

except men will demand to have 'man caves' and put so much effort into decorating and caring for those. they don't want any of the responsibility of SHARED spaces as they see women as inherently in charge of those.

[@artvid-1915]

Wow thank you for this insight 👏🏻

[@kdramaresearchinstitute]

This reminds me of that one task we had in art class in high school: when you have to draw by using perspective, all the girls in class always drew a room inside a building and all the boys always drew a street with buildings..

[@nightingalenef1764]

Interesting point..., maybe it's also related with what space is considered by what group as a recreational space. As far as I observed, single women love to spend time in their homes; it's recreational and above it, a safe space!

[@squimbling]

forever grateful to have a boyfriend with a tidy room that actually has personality???? it's got to the point where all the other lads in his house have come to him for bedroom decoration advice, these men in their twenties are only just discovering the joys of a nice print or mood lighting and it's fascinating bahahaha

[@Onnarashi]

Why do women care so much what random men do with THEIR spaces?

[@m.z1256]

@@Onnarashi WHAT

[@dulcecaramel]

@@m.z1256its a troII thats obsessively replying to every comment, best to ignore

[@m.z1256]

@@dulcecaramel makes sense

[@desertels5119]

That's sweet!

[@oldegregory9597]

"Their IKEA mattress is just raw-dogging the floor" killed me 🤣

[@kellerlee2510]

There’s no way British people say washing up powder instead of detergent I cant believe that

[@asafoetidajones8181]

The soap they use on dishes is not called dish soap.... it's called, get ready, Fairy Liquid

[@chisomo8088]

​@@asafoetidajones8181what are your even saying? Fairy Liquid is just a popular brand

[@ag5415]

@@asafoetidajones8181 My favorite is "Fairy Floss" for what Americans call Cotton Candy. Much more magical.

[@brzt4256]

@@asafoetidajones8181 obviously nobody has ever used that term before and you've been lied to, but we do call it 'washing up liquid'. Because, well, that's what it is.

[@LeBatteur]

@@brzt4256 Washing up liquid feels like a really drawn out way to say “soap”. Dish soap, hand soap, bath soap, etc.

[@nua1913]

As a dude that’s never thought about interior decorating that much at all this was super eye opening and interesting, guess I have an incentive to wash my sheets now

[@gabrielamora6265]

Washing dirty linens is not interior decoration

[@nua1913]

​@@gabrielamora6265true but you gotta start somewhere

[@kidhfajuhi]

@@gabrielamora6265 THIS. Dude already has reasons to clean his sheets, he just doesn't apparently.

[@marieseaman7855]

Okay but in Japan, the futon is different from a western mattress. Also the futon is hung outside on nice days to air it out. People in Japan put their western mattresses iyn bed frames though, they absolutely do not just put it on the floor.

[@janaekelis]

yeah its also a thing to put your futon in the closet during the day to utilise the space. mattresses are not meant to raw dog the floor!

[@DerpinaTheBrave]

I live in a western country and sleep on a Japanese futon and I actually have a spcialised bedframe for it. No excuses lol

[@marieseaman7855]

@@DerpinaTheBrave Oh yeah, specialized frames if there are no tatami. Definitely no excuses!

[@No1PlutoSupporter]

Exactlyyyy and ive been looking into futons as guest beds for my parents’ house and on a video, someone japanese had commented its actually pretty normalized in japan to have westernized beds

[@janaekelis]

@marieseaman7855 adding to this, japanese tatami flooring is so different from laying on tile, carpet or hardwood like in the US 😭 the temperature and absorbency especially

[@elizabethcassidy8082]

Surprised that you haven't mentioned explicitly that bedframes have a functional purpose. Just like the tatami mats, the bedframes help keep your mattress dry and not moldy. By keeping your mattress bare ass on the floor, you're encouraging the rotting of the mattress

[@palomina8494]

So true ! I was waiting for her to say that as well. But apparently it's not common knowledge (no shade on Jordan tho she probably just forgot). I have this female friend (24 yo mind you) that just the other day decided to get rid of her bed frame that was taking too much space in her room to put her bare mattress on the CARPETED floor. When I told her that was going to become a pit of hell she just looked at me stunned : 0o0 and told me I was "no fun".

[@gato_comunista3802]

@@palomina8494 also how is a bed frame taking space??? you can literally put boxes under it to have more storage! lol

[@palomina8494]

@@gato_comunista3802 I know ! But I believe that it is just a perception thing, it looked to her as if it was taking more space bc she likes things to be more minimalistic 🤷

[@timothyreal]

This is a good point; the purpose of bed frames isn’t obvious just from looking at it. When I was younger, I just thought it was some kind of design preference or a way to add storage space. I’m fine with giving 20-something bachelors the benefit of the doubt for not spending hundreds of dollars on something they (incorrectly) think is mostly for aesthetic value. Not washing sheets, on the other hand…

[@snailcheeseyoutube]

she kind of did, she did talk about the moisture

[@xenaloree1138]

I once saw a man LYSOL his bed because washing his bed sheets was “too much work”

[@kateb2643]

Jesus, he's gotta get a lot of rashes doing that

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

how does he even sleep on that 💀

[@amylaws]

NO OH MY GOD

[@thecolorjune]

Wtf

[@sinestesianestesia9079]

LMAOO

[@Flux_Nomad]

My room is cluttered. I want to organize, but I am tired from 12 hour shifts and wiped out.

[@mollof7893]

Do a little bit every day

[@whatwhale5888]

Pick 1 small area (closet, around the bed, wtv) to organize, or pick a specific item (like clothes, trash, etc) to pick up. Big tasks are a lot easier if you break them up into smaller task spread out over days. Also the 2 minute rule (if it takes less than 2 minutes to do, then just do it now) really helps keep things from getting out of hand in the first place.

[@NeygarzruinedAmerica]

Just pay someone. I'm messy like these guys(nothing crazy tho) I pay a cleaning lady $200 and she cleans and organzies it in a couple hours

[@idalarsen2540]

​@@NeygarzruinedAmericaRight, cuz everyone can afford to pay other people to clean for them.. I could never

[@mariusrodgers7749]

Honestly at this point I just strive to keep my space clean. Not tidy, but clean. Everything else such as decor or “mood” in my room mean nothing to me. I don’t care, I have the same problems regardless of my interior, so I choose not to focus on it

[@thebeaside]

Me just always so grateful for my husband. He burnt out hard and has been a house spouse for months now so I’ve been making the big bucks and coming home to a meal plan and a clean home and work lunchboxes. He has bouts of a few days now and then where he gets hit with the darkness for a few days and I cook instead, but he’s actually found the household chores and the routines of them helpful for healing his mental health.

[@botanicalitus4194]

yaIIs relationship is goals

[@lisechristensen4714]

Congrats for recieving the bare minimum ☺🤗 Sounds fantastic, how sad to yearn for basic decency in the sense of not having to think about what's for dinner .... Sad for me, in case that didn't come through!

[@thebeaside]

@@lisechristensen4714 oh man, it’s so much more than the bare minimum. I had a really rough shift at work and was anxious and couldn’t sleep and just cried for like an hour and he just held me and then tucked me in and gave me a massage till I fell asleep. I love that man so much. I really hope you receive the love you deserve!

[@borkbork4124]

I with him well on healing from burnout, I have a few friends who have burned out, it is rough rn. Glad to hear him taking care of the home is helping him heal.

[@b.c.9358]

I hope your husband heals, burnout is so hard. I'm glad you have an arrangement that makes both of you happy.

[@imani0nline]

Every time I see a boy room all I can think of is Whoopi Goldberg saying, I don't want a man in my house. She was so real for that !

[@Onnarashi]

As a man I can respond by saying I don't want a woman devaluing my hobbies and interests and changing everything to suit her, so right back at you. You can keep your throw pillows, floral patterns, astrology wall tapestry, Live Laugh Love wall decorations and scented candles.

[@dulcecaramel]

@@OnnarashiGuys: "I dOnT waNt WoMeN deValUiNg My HobBiEs AnD iNtErEsTs" the hobbies and interests in question: Not cleaning, not doing chores

[@sophaloph1129]

@@dulcecaramelhe could’ve just said “I don’t want a woman in my house” but no he had to bring in the sexism by reducing women to decor 😭😭😭

[@Onnarashi]

@@dulcecaramel You know that's not it. Nice strawman though.

[@recklessmermaid]

@@Onnarashieither you didn’t watch the video we are all commenting under, or you’re being willfully stupid. Hobbies where? Interests, what? If you can’t follow the discussion all the way to the point, maybe just quiet down and let the adults talk 😉

[@heddadybvadskog-nebb5603]

My brother- who mind you is the ELDEST sibling- didn't "learn" how to put sheets on his bed and make it up properly until he was 20. Let it be known that from age 19-20 he was in the military and had to make his bed every single morning and still he would come home every time he was on leave moaning for our mum to do it because he "didn't know how" and she just let him get away with it. And it pissed me off so bad. Our younger sister was 11 when he finally "learnt how" and she had been doing her own bed for 3.4 year by then and I also started around 7-8. In general I find having an older brother, at least in terms of respect for the environment we live in, like living with a 2 year old who throws shit everywhere and just lets the "cleaning up fairy" aka my mum or I fix it without as much as a thank you bc they are so used to someone else cleaning that they don't even notice anymore. Last summer my mum and sister decided to revoke his status as the oldest bc frankly he doesn't do anything to deserve it.

[@caseyw.6550]

Sounds like your mom was a "boy mom"....mine, too. 😒

[@gabigracee]

NOT REVOKING the eldest status! lmaooooo fair though

[@borkbork4124]

When you learned how to wash your clothes at age 8, then date a guy (20) when I was 19, and said his mom does that…..followed by an awkward silence.

[@bookofdaveandsteve]

harsh. but fair 👍

[@leann1234]

So your brother knew how to make a bed, per his time in military, but came home & chose to use Weaponized Incompetence to get others to do chores for him.

[@myronvenero9371]

Short answer: most cultures generally don’t emphasize, or pressure men to be concerned with their living conditions. Whereas women would expect nuclear level condemnation. Even if its their spouses place, they’ll get the sharp end of it. Especially true of man-Childs or boy-moms.

[@BlickolasCage]

I can speak on this, just a year ago I joined the military, moved out of the house, and now live on my own. I think the mentality for a lot of us is a kind of "make the most of what you got" type of mental space. I live in the barracks and I can tell you the only reason I have a bed frame is because it came with my room. If I were told to move out right now, it would take me less than 10 mins to pack all of my stuff. That's because my room is a very minimalist space, white on white, PC in the corner, and just the bare essentials like toiletries and my service uniform. I have no decorations or any frills, only what I care about and what I'm supposed to have.

[@BlickolasCage]

also yes, my room did also come with either navy or maroon bedsheets, not really helping the male stereotype 😭. Im proud to say I did change it a lil and it is now white on white

[@SurveyorStudios]

Finally another dude in a ocean of women that dont understand us 🥹. Its not about conditioning from childhood or weaponized incompetence. We simply do not care about the extra frills. Before I got married I had my computer, a mattress on the floor and in the living room I had a tv and a couch my friends dad didn’t want. My apartment was clean and perfectly minimal and thats how I wanted it. The things I cared about were mainly my car and my computer and they were invested in instead of decorating which to me is spending money on eye candy for other people to think my place looks nice.

[@knotyourcup0ftea]

Never thought I’d have to be grateful for the fact that when I started dating my spouse, he already had a cheap bedframe from IKEA and a bright orange rug that he was immensely proud of picking out. The bar is in hell.

[@fortunatecookie]

I actually really like using orange rugs or pillows because it pairs nicely with the color teal, which is my favorite ❤️ Did he get to keep his rug? Or was it sent to the attic lol

[@kelseybarton]

@@fortunatecookieeeeeee orange and teal 💓

[@elise85391]

Seriously. Like, if you lived with your parents as a child, take the bedframe from your bedroom at your parents house!! That's what I'm gonna do. Unless you're moving long distance, why wouldn't you take old furniture from your parents house? Odds are, the house is cluttered, and your parents might be glad to get rid of some things, saves them time and effort if/when they downsize later. And if the house has enough bedrooms, they can use your room for things they've been wanting to use it for, for their own hobbies and stuff.

[@massimo4307]

Yea, the bar for women is in hell, when men are forced to put up with used up misandrists

[@Tim_G_Bennett]

Wish I could find a rug I like, I'm been looking for ages. I built my own bed frame, I built my own house haha.

[@hollowpages482]

My roomate was going on a date, obviously he's hoping she'll come home with him so he was tidying his room. He said 'i havent washed my sheets for 6 months and i dont have time to wash them, do you think it would be fine to just vaccum the dog hair off?' He was SCANDALISED when i told him i wash my sheets every week. He had the audacity to tell me that it was too often.

[@thecolorjune]

That’s crazy. I only was my sheets every 2-4 weeks (I don’t wear makeup/tan, I don’t have pets, and I have AC) but I am always impressed with ppl who was their sheets weekly. 6 months unwashed WITH PETS for a DATE is so gross.

[@Tessa_Gr]

Every week is really often. If you only wear your sleeping clothes in bed, how would it even get dirty enough to need to be washed that often? Maybe if you sweat a lot at night in the summer, I'd get that. But only every 6 months is also not okay, obviously.

[@raluci]

I do them every week and worst case scenario every two weeks. I like my sheets clean ✨

[@oldasyouromens]

The only reason I sometimes don't wash my sheets for several months (3 maximum) is if I can't carry them down the stairs. If a man can carry a set of sheets down the stairs, he can change his sheets. But even I haven't gone six months, ever. I prefer to change them every one to two weeks.

[@seguaye]

@@Tessa_Gr most sources say every 1 - 2 weeks. bedsheets get dirty at about the same rate that clothes do, especially considering many people sleep naked or wear their day clothes to bed

[@problemperson4221]

the point of futons is that they get rolled up every morning and tucked away, bedframeless beds just permanently get put on the floor without any care of moisture or mould (barf) underneath

[@stratospherica]

Yes, this is what I was going to say! They're folded and put away, and then taken out to sleep again.

[@DaniBee2900]

ohshit i never thought about that im a woman and haven't had a bed frame for forever i just have mattress and a box spring

[@brn2579]

I don't use a bedframe, but I flip my bed up against the wall every morning because it saves a lot of space in my studio apartment.

[@lupakajsalisa3652]

I had no idea! I thought the rolling up possibility was just like a bonus if you wanna have a dance party in your room sometime, not a part of a daily routine

[@tinkdnuos]

Are you sure men are all waiting for a woman to decorate? Or do most of them really just not care? Let me clarify: wash your clothes, bathe, clean your place, and get a goddamn bed frame (or at least a wood palette). But decoration is not at all obligatory

[@robertsmith-williams5255]

yeah, care about anything at all. Or is it that the entitlement is just so great that they just expect it to magic-happen one day, and will just build up a big head of resentment and rage that "their life isn't going to plan". Like men who are desperately touch-starved but conflate touch with "intimacy" so get mad that they don't have "a special intimate friend", when really they want/need is healthy relationships with friends and family as well. The combination of fear and laziness is so huge and obvious, it's sad.

[@CanofArizona]

Honestly, I listened to most of this video (bout 20 minutes) but it comes off as "not that deep". It really just comes down to the fact that men don't need much in their living spaces if they are single. A woman does need/want those things. Which is why their spaces are decorated. Men and Women care about different things. That is absolutely A-OK. You know, the first time I heard the term "retail therapy" came from a female co-worker. That was only a couple months ago, needless to say I was mind blown by it. But it makes sense considering women are doing most of the buying anyway. I didn't really care that she engaged in this, I only made a snarky comment back because, like most women do when I talk to them, they want to push their ways onto me. I accept that women have different interests, and it's not that deep. I only ask that they respect mine how I respect theirs.

[@Niriixa]

The video isn't just about decorating, it's also about cleanliness and how there's societal differences between how boys and girls are socialized and brought up to care/not care about cleanliness and taught chores. Maybe watch the video again. Not caring about decorating or even putting basic furnishings in one's own home can have similar reasons.

[@tinkdnuos]

@@Niriixa but it's PARTIALLY about decorating. I don't need to watch the video again. You need to be less illiterate.

[@tinkdnuos]

@@robertsmith-williams5255 damn, you shouldn't project your fucked up mental problems onto the rest of us.

[@fortunatecookie]

“We can’t talk about bed frames without talking about-“ Me: “class” “Japanese bedding” Oh.

[@amekat]

the chores wage gap GAGGED me thats insane

[@jellyfish_bubbles]

Fr!!!!😢

[@idontneedaname318]

You can't claim it's a difference in career demographics bc they're KIDS

[@Joannefibracs9994]

Honestly I get it. I feel like girls feel more internally motivated to brush their teeth, or brush their hair, even bathe, or hang up clothes. The boys couldn’t care less. Thus, they must be bribed to literally take care of their hygiene. So I 100% get it-their chores have to be so bare minimum for them.

[@kitsterangel]

Yeah that one's pretty crazy! I wonder how the parents justify it to the kids bc I would argue so hard against it haha. I mean we didn't get an allowance bc chores were just a normal part of daily life according to my parents, which fair enough, but still.

[@kimmmy86]

Same. I didn’t grow up with brothers, and no idea. I’m glad to know all this, because I can make a more conscious effort to make sure it’s equal with my kids.

[@xg2513]

I have a really unique perspective on this because I’m a guy with fashion and home decor taste, and I always like to have my spaces decorated and nice. Something that’s happened in a few relationships now is that at first girls had been excited about the fact that I like home decor and I like to have a warm living space… but then at some point down the line, it ended up making the girls very upset because when discussing hypotheticals like moving in together they were immediately irritated that they couldn’t just decorate the whole space themselves with only things they like (typical straight relationship where the girl decorates everything and the guy just goes along with it) because I was a guy who has taste so I wanted to have an equal opinion on decor. It’s an interesting thing that’s happened to me specifically. The dynamic that women decorate the whole home and men just go along with it because they have no taste backfires when you’re a guy who has taste.

[@divebarr752]

Yeah, but I think that's so fun. My boyfriend also has his own style and a nice room (he loves nice wood furniture and sometimes bilds stuff too). And I'm so looking forward to moving in together and meshing our styles. At least our favorite colours are same so I think we can find a nice medium. He likes modern skandi and I'm into 60s/70s vintage

[@5naf6]

an opinion on decor is not taste.

[@magichoodoo5028]

Yeah I can see that happening.. I've also come across those memes where some girls get annoyed at their bf's for having hobbies and decor that ruin their "aesthetic". It really should be both people having a say in how the space gets decorated (if both care about it) but everyone's just used to it not being that way. Having a similar style to your partner would be perfect.. lol

[@jobplace5842]

As long as the opinion is not that of indifference then yes. It precisely is. By definition ​@chegu613

[@Br0ckR0cket]

It seems like most women want is a friendly work horse/ATM that they can occasionally use for sex but otherwise stays out of the way and looks the part for her.

[@taytayslayslayslay]

also a key feature: pulp fiction poster

[@hamilcross]

interchangeable with 2001 a space odyssey and wolf of wall street posters

[@queer_arabic]

​@@hamilcrossor a fight club one

[@ellierecine]

or a fight club poster 😭

[@bulletproofblouse]

Back in the 1990s, Betty Blue.

[@grandempressvicky6387]

Or American Pyscho

[@vainpiers]

Usually i can tell when im in a depression episode because i stop doing my hair and dont tidy my room.

[@JamisonMyth]

if a man's incompetence is on full display before you decide to live with him, you cant' really claim he's weaponizing it against you, can you? if you just expected him to change without any discussion then you were actually dishonest in pretending to accept him for who he is

[@Silverdollarsaturdays]

Woah big fella cool it with the facts and logic

[@jasonports8517]

The weaponizing is not in being messy but in refusing to learn the tasks you don’t want to do.

[@rupertmurchie8155]

I don't get it. We don't care about the same shit and this lady thinks we're doing maliciously. There is no weaponizing anything, we just don't care.😂😂

[@-lord1754]

​@@rupertmurchie8155Women tend to view completely innocent things as immediately malicious or spiteful towards them. Just normal female narcissism

[@bergamotbarbiturate]

The problem comes when despite discussions and pleading for help with daily upkeep for not just one person now, but two.. and they still don't make an effort. When you start sharing a space with another person, mess accumulates faster. So leaving it to your partner to deal with instead of assisting when you clearly see them doing these tasks day after day, shows me you really don't care how your partner feels and you don't respect their time commitment to keeping your COMBINED living spaces clean and hygienic at the very least. (Not talking about you specifically just in general)

[@eev14]

I will say that as an adhd woman I absolutely have gotten much more exaggerated responses to my apartment being messy in comparison to any men I know with the same level of messiness (or more) in their house. With men a lot of people still tend to give messy guys the advice of finding themselves a girlfriend, either as motivation to clean or because that future girlfriend would do it for him.. The advice we get as women with messy homes is to just buckle up and fix it asap. It's taken me several years to get a cleaning help for once a week in my home to help me stay on top of things, I have been avoiding meeting anyone in my own home because I feel the judgement from people is really harsh. I'm not a dirty person, but I struggle with organizing and for women that's seen as completely unacceptable so we tend to hide out in our house more, I wouldn't be surprised if many women with messy homes are more socially isolated than men in the same situation.

[@Eloraurora]

This, very much. Even when I was a kid, I scarcely ever felt comfortable inviting people over, because my room was always a mess.

[@eev14]

@@Eloraurora I didn't even think about that but yes! I remember always asking my friends if we could play at their house, both because my room was messy and because my parents fought a lot.

[@faerieliana]

Interesting, how people not advising to these men to hire a cleaning, but of finding a girlfriend, so she will clean up. O mean, why pay for cleaning, when you can find yourself a free maid, great advice

[@eev14]

@@faerieliana I think most interesting is that women aren't usually given this same advice, that they aren't being pushed to ask their loved ones for help but rather to roll up your sleeves and just 'get to work'. Recently I've been watching a lot of this UK show about hoarders and people with cleaning OCD, it's called 'Filth', women (especially mothers) are often berated on their poor living conditions and called lazy. The men often receive more sympathy and are labeled as eccentric and/or depressed, one of the most common reasons those men cite for their house getting out of control is a former partner or spouse either dying or leaving them. The women usually admit they 'should' be more responsible but a lot of the men tend to keep hoping for a (new) woman in their life to take on the responsibility for them.

[@rhythmandblues_alibi]

I relate to this so much. There is a lot of shame attached to having a messy home, I often feel like a failure as a partner and yes, I avoid having people round and isolate a lot due to social anxiety and deoression. It is really hard because being surrounded by clutter makes me feel down and the depression leaves me with no motivation to clean. It's an awful cycle. My partner is not very tidy himself so it is a real struggle. I have recently learnt that clutter is a symptom of trauma. Interesting how OCD and hoarding are both responses to trauma but one is lauded as a virtue (in terms of cleaning) whereas the other is demonised as a personal failing.

[@anpe4970]

I remember visiting my brothers shared flat when he and his mates were 17. Everyone elses rooms were a boy room, my brother's was decorated, he had plants and a halfbath he claimed was "his" because it had his cleanliness standard. My mother was militant about teaching all of us (my sister, me and our brother) how to keep house. I have aöways been so thankfull she taught me the lifeskills I have needed in life - and that she made sure our brother did the same.

[@dahliah7764]

One thing I didn’t allow room for in my life was weaponized incompetency. My fiancé didn’t know how to do laundry so I showed him how, he didn’t like doing dishes (doesn’t like the feeling) I said okay we’re getting you gloves. You have a mom I’m not gonna be your 2nd mom.

[@bigbootyboy420]

Slay

[@Juliaaa_vine]

Queen

[@GeRia-be3js]

No you were a better mom. His mother failed to raise her son to be independent, which is a parent’s job. They’re afraid to become obsolete so they don’t teach their children how to handle their own shit or how to be a problem solver.

[@thecolorjune]

Even the fact you had to teach him would annoy me. When I went off to college I didn’t know how to do laundry. So guess what? I googled it! It’s sooooo easy to learn many of these chores on your own with the internet. If you struggle with a chore, look up accommodations neurodivergent people and disabled people have invented/use! I have AuDHD and so I know how hard some daily upkeep chores can be, but I’m actively learning ways to make it easier for myself so I can maintain a good standard of living. It’s hard, but it’s not THAT hard, especially if you’re neurotypical and able bodied and have the internet.

[@desiree7633]

​@GeRia-be3js but even with this we're blaming another woman for the failings of a grown man

[@anthonywestbrook2155]

I dated a woman who at first suspected I was gay because I made my bed every day. Like, she was worried it was a sign that she shouldn't date me. Only reason her worries were assuaged is that, at the time, what I really did was sleep on top of one blanket that was always made, and had another blanket I'd pull from the closet for sleep. It's not just bros that reinforce gender tropes.

[@tessadeighton4034]

“It’s not just bros that reinforce gender tropes”, but it is only men that benefit from them

[@joeydoherty368]

I thought you were a girl when I first started reading your comment, so when you said, "I dated a woman who thought I was gay.", I was thinking, "What did I miss here??"

[@CROMULENTAF]

I appreciate it so much when you talk about your mental health. I hate that you go through a lot of uncontrollable pain and struggles. I can relate so hard to so many. But when you talk about it on your channel and do it so matter of fact, but gentle to yourself, it normalizes talking about mental health issues. I hope you’re doing well. I stumbled upon you fairly recently and I’m really enjoying your content, your adorable voice, and all your different outfits/hairstyles/and makeup. You’re gorgeous! And so intelligent. 🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@alexcoop8068]

I've gone into seeing the guy that I'm seeing right now fully 100% wanting to be casual-and don't get me wrong I do NOT want a serious relationship rn-but I been in my feelings a lil bit lately and one of the things I clocked was that he washes his GREEN bedsheets once a week. I told him that's a big green flag and he said "girl that's just hygiene" and I think I fell inlove in that moment. 😭😂

[@alexcoop8068]

I actually asked him on our first date if he had navy or dark grey sheets and he was a lil confused. I also asked if he had a bed frame or an old crusty brown pillow with no case on it and he immediately knew what I was doing then LMAO

[@noreaeron]

the bar is so low im scared for us :,) /a girl who indeed dated grown men who probably never had washed his sheets until i did

[@alexcoop8068]

@@noreaeron yeah he also told me I need to raise my standards LMAO to be fair he still has a boy room. His ENTIRE house is beautifully decorated by his super awesome girl roommate and his room is just empty and tiny hahahahaha

[@snailcheeseyoutube]

the bar is in hell

[@noreaeron]

@@alexcoop8068 its so sad that these men don’t learn how to clean. I had an argument with my bf today of me just asking him to wash his hands after using the bathroom and he was so upset about it😭 like pls, basic hygiene? You’re a grown man and I shouldn’t have to argue why you should wash your hands🥲 its hard out here

[@cassidy3666]

Dated my first love for two years. Never again will I have my heart broken by someone who used the same pillow without a pillowcase or cover for the entire duration of our relationship.

[@seitanbeatsyourmeat666]

My first husband had a 20 year old pillow he refused to get rid of. I begged to wash it, even by hand. He was so angry I even suggested it… when I say it smelled like the back end of a farm animal, I’m being complementary. He didn’t want it touched I finally washed it, he claimed it was ruined. Didn’t care, the smell was horrendous 💩 💩

[@gato_comunista3802]

And they still have perfect skin... HOW ☠

[@hal7741]

@@gato_comunista3802he created a moist symbiotic ecosystem within the pillow and his skin barrier

[@trato-jm3fx]

Low stress and ok diet​@@gato_comunista3802

[@colbyboucher6391]

...god a lot of y'all would find me filthy but no pillowcase??? That thing just absorbed years of sleep drool, oh my god

[@KealohaHarrison]

I’m 25 years old and autistic and over the past couple years I‘ve been fixing up my bedroom to not look like a vacant room with a mattress in it lol right now I’m designing a colorful hippie mural with an artist friend of mine to cover the walls and ceiling because I love 1960s pop culture and the psychedelic art of that era!

[@duchessedeberne3909]

That sounds so awesome!

[@AmandaVieiraMamaesouCult]

It's taking me years, too. But we'll get there

[@DaveDDD]

To flip the script, compare the gender divide on car cleanliness/care. Not every woman is driving a trashcan on wheels, but a surprising amount are for sure. If you’re thinking “nobody cares how clean my car is”, then you’ve just had the male experience with interior decorating. It probably comes down to societal pressures of what men vs women are judged on, which affects what they prioritize for their time/money.

[@SurveyorStudios]

Someone said it 😂. Its such a simple thing to spot too. Men and women have different interests

[@LeandroMartinscg]

Finally ONE reasonable comment

[@berrymckockiner5883]

​@@LeandroMartinscg well we XY's are the logical ones

[@palemeadows]

@@berrymckockiner5883ew

[@harbl99]

Counter-argument: You don't need a dozen decorative cushions on the bed that you take off when you go to bed. No, you don't. No!

[@Aurorya]

As a woman I agree, cushions are for practical use only ! I have my pillow, and if I want to let's say read in bed I put it between my head and the wall. I add one cushion between my back and the wall, and one cushion on my lap to put the book on top of it. It's useful to prevent back pain

[@mariiiuuuyyy]

@@Auroryasome people like the look of it, its not useless. If you use that logic, pictures, posters any decorative item is useless

[@Aurorya]

@@mariiiuuuyyy harbl's argument was that having to always move things to do an important mandatory thing (sleep) is annoying and we should keep it to the minimum, and I agreed. Now for posters and pictures, they stay on your wall no matter what you do in your room so it's different. Same for decorative objects you put on the shelves. I agree that if a thing brings happyness, it's not useless. But with a lot of items, you can choose one who is both pretty and practical

[@JosieDrake1995]

I’m a woman who frequently does the bare minimum on house upkeep. It’s a lot of effort and often, when things fall through, it tends to be negligence on my part. That being said: I have standards and limits. Things can get bad, but I will eventually reach a point that my brain finally kicks in and says this is unacceptable and we have to fix it. Also, my apartment is not a reflection of my personality but rather my financial situation. That being said, I have a complete set of furniture for every room

[@kayleighmay2557]

Navy bedsheets are better than the dreaded... NO SHEETS I was sharing my ick-list with a male friend once, just for fun. I told him "no bedsheets" was on there and he thought I was joking. He told me he had a date that night that he was really hoping would go well and he hoped she didn't have the same ick-list, because he had no bed sheets. Anyway... he ended buying bed sheets before she arrived 🤣 The date didn't go well, but now he has bedsheets 🙃

[@chisomo8088]

I feel like having no sheets is even more disgusting than having navy sheets. At least you can be compelled to wash it every once in a while. But imagine raw dogging your mattress every night for Lord knows how long cause you can't even wash it, that's just wild to me.

[@kayleighmay2557]

@@chisomo8088 I agree … you could have the same disgusting mattress for years and years 🥲

[@liliebilie]

I genuinely don’t understand. Obviously growing up as a child they had bedsheets on their bed. So why is it that when they grow up and leave their family home all of a sudden, they don’t know what bedsheets are???

[@Shirumoon]

@@liliebilie Their mothers might have changed their sheets often, mostly when their child was out of the house. Maybe that makes them think beds don't even get that dirty? At the same time, I wasn't that stupid as a girl and young woman even though I didn't have to do any chores at home either. It probably all comes down to sheer apathy and laziness if we're being honest.

[@kayleighmay2557]

@benjaminollis7621 it’s more like a list of things that have now become personal boundaries If that sort of thing doesn’t work for you then that’s fine

[@hannahbray7065]

As a girl with depression and ADHD, I try my best but I’m in no position to judge anyone’s messy room or lack of cleanliness 😭 It’s so so hard. And I have BLACK bedsheets 🙃

[@bigcitysmalljoy]

SAME.

[@Spamhard]

Lol this. Can't believe there's comments calling folk gross for not cleaning their sheets every week. Like ok, sorry, I'm just trying to live.

[@chillin5703]

​@@SpamhardI've been cleaning monthly and it's never hurt me...

[@AmandaVieiraMamaesouCult]

​@@SpamhardOf course, this doesn't apply to mental illness or neurodivergency. You're a woman, no one expects your hypothetical future husband to pick up your slack around the house and that's the core of the question here.

[@craigstephenson7676]

@@chillin5703honestly there shouldn’t be such a strict standard cause it depends on a lot of factors. Whether you shower at night or in the morning, how much you sweat, etc.

[@KISSFanDan1995]

I can understand being extremely disorganized like trash everywhere, dirty laundry everywhere unkempt and dirty bedsheets but a lot of these rooms just look empty. Not dirty, not disorganized, just empty. And that’s ok.

[@MelanieAF]

I did the housework willingly. My husband never failed to come bail me out when I had a flat tire, needed a snake in the yard dealt with, etc. He never bitched about it or used it as a bargaining chip either. He also wasn’t as much of a neat freak as I was. I learned that he was absolutely right, life is too short. Nobody’s going to build a monument to me when I die because I was such a great housekeeper ( making my husband and everyone in my home miserable in the process). And I must say-this whole thing seems geared towards how men can and should meet women’s expectations-what about women descending from their pedestals to meet men halfway? If my husband loaded the dishwasher, I wasn’t going to go behind him to make sure he did it “right”. If he threw a load of clothes in the washer, I wasn’t going to lecture him about separating colors and whites-it’s not that important. He learned his own lesson about dumping bleach on his jeans (I wasn’t there or I would have kindly warned him on that one). By the same token, he didn’t get all bent out of shape when I didn’t understand car things.

[@MelanieAF]

@@IgnoreMeImWrong True, but a loving caring husband is a lot more pleasant-he could’ve also hired a housekeeper, he didn’t “need” a wife just for that:)

[@MelanieAF]

@@IgnoreMeImWrong I suppose that I just don’t see marriage, at least my own, in such a transactional manner. After 40 years of marriage, my husband died almost 4 years ago. He left me in a secure and comfortable situation, but what I lost can’t be measured in material terms. I’d give anything to see his dirty socks on the floor, his forgotten coffee from yesterday on his desk.

[@MelanieAF]

@@IgnoreMeImWrong My wish is that people didn’t confuse cleverness and rudeness. The last word is yours if you want it.

[@punic4045]

ignore this troll, I think your comment provides some valuable insight into the relationship dynamics between genders, and how we might be able to move forward with empathy and understanding. Terribly sorry for the loss of your husband, I'm glad you were blessed with such a marriage.

[@MissKashira]

I once had a male roommate who prided himself on not spending money on unnecessary things like paintings and other stuff that served no "logical" purpose. But his computer glowed like Gay Mardi Gras, so.... it's okay for men to care about aesthetics, but only in a very finite number of areas.

[@KISSFanDan1995]

Coming from a computer guys perspective, they don’t make gaming performance PC parts anymore that don’t have RGB led’s in them anymore. So that’s why his, and my computer looks like an EDM concert as soon as I press the power button. And personally I like the aesthetic. And I’d personally spend my money on something that I use on a daily basis rather than some painting for my bedroom that I’ll probably never look at. But that’s just me.

[@MissKashira]

@@KISSFanDan1995 You and my former roommate would get along so well. You are soooo doing the thing right now. First you defend yourself claiming that the high quality PC parts only come in pretty, so really, your hand is forced. Okay, fair enough. But then you admit that you like that it's pretty because you use it all the time, unlike a painting which you might never look at. My dude, how much time do you spend looking at your tower? Don't you look at the wall behind your monitor(s) even more? Wouldn't putting something you find meaningful or aesthetically pleasing be just as valuable (and less annoying) as sitting next to a glow stick? And did you choose wallpaper? How is choosing something you find pretty or reflective of your personality and interests for your desktop different/superior/more logical than having your living space reflective of your personality, interests and tastes? It's not. It's just socially acceptable for men to care about making some things pretty while it's not socially acceptable for them to care about making other things pretty.

[@KISSFanDan1995]

@@MissKashira Well my computer tower is sitting right up here on my desk next to my monitor because I’m proud of it. I built it myself. And I also have a vintage desk fan and a typewriter that I like that I got out of a dumpster for free and those are sitting on my desk as well. And getting wallpaper and pictures and whatnot. It isn’t my thing. I like my space the way it is. And besides, why hate on other peoples living spaces. If someone wants to get new wallpaper and paintings and whatnot, that’s fine. If someone just wants a bed, a dresser and a TV that’s fine too. As long as it’s not messy/dirty why judge?

[@MissKashira]

@@KISSFanDan1995 I am neither hating nor judging. I am saying men care about these things just as much as women do and you can tell by looking at the areas where it's socially acceptable for them to care about these things. And that they rationalize the areas where they are allowed to care as somehow being more logical and reasonable, when really it's as arbitrary as blue for boys and pink for girls. Saying men care about aesthetics too isn't an attack and you should really examine why you're reading that as an attack.

[@massimo4307]

​@@MissKashiraWhy is it socially acceptable for privileged women to judge men's living arrangements?

[@ReReChan]

When I noticed that I started to do more chores than my husband, I literally just stopped cleaning his mess. I only cleaned my dishes, wash my own laundry, cook my own food, etc.

[@destinedknee]

Felt this. But being confined to a one bedroom The stuff becomes an eye sore and I start being miserable so I’ll “straighten up” his stuff but I’m not organizing his shìt anymore

[@mamadoom9724]

Same here. I’m tired of doing everything and my husband and kids making things harder for me. The kids (teens) pile dishes in their rooms then bring them to the sink with food dried onto them. They throw the clean laundry I folded all over the floor. My husbands always walking over my mopped floor with muddy boots and literally dripping food and drinks all over the front of the kitchen cupboards and floor. I just told them I’m not cleaning up after them anymore. I cook for myself and do my own dishes and laundry.

[@elise85391]

@@mamadoom9724 I started doing my own laundry when I was a young teenager, just because I didn't want any of my stuff getting mixed in with someone else's stuff and not being able to find it. Teens should definitely be able to do their own laundry, so yeah, if they aren't appreciating that you were folding all of their laundry for the to put away, let them do it themselves.

[@mermaidmaterial5735]

@@mamadoom9724 good for you! I hope that you'll be able to follow through and not crumble under everyone's irresponsibility. I understand it must be very discouraging to see loved ones disregard your hard work

[@purplewine7362]

talking to your husband also helps

[@ag5415]

I wish this topic was touched on: As a woman cohabitating with a male partner I spend more of my income on household goods from cleaning supplies to replacing worn bedding or towels as well as what might seem like "unnecessary" and "decor" such as curtains and rugs. Hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars out. I pay attention to when we are about to run out of things and replace before we are out whether it's toilet paper , batteries or lightbulbs.

[@destinedknee]

Then you don’t want to seem like it’s “tit for tat” since you guys are a partnership but in the end tell their ass to start reimbursing you!!!! Especially if they’re benefiting from it ( ex. using those paper towels AS SOON as you put it in the roll but if you didn’t go out and buy them there wouldn’t be any damn paper towels) if you spent $100 on replenishing household goods tell hubby send you 50-75 back .. If they have a problem they can always contribute 💁🏾‍♀️. Hope this helps even tho you didn’t even ask for any sorry for the dump 😅

[@djlivvy46]

Yes, Mel Hamlett and Cecilia Regina have both posted some extremely eye opening TikToks on what men do (and don't do) with their money.

[@bigcats9454]

So why do you stay in the relationship if you’re being exploited?

[@faerieliana]

Why are you doing it? Why not say something to your man?

[@no_peace]

Yeah like it's your hobby or something. It's so irritating

[@DieNibelungenliad]

I was a dude with a messy bedroom because I had no purpose in life other than to have fun, and chores were no fun. I couldn't be bothered with decor because I was a tenant at the house, and I'd have to pack up and move out soon. Now that I'm a husband and a father, I do all my chores because my life is all about my kid

[@estergrant6713]

the navy bedsheets thing always seemed unfair to me lol, its a nice color that matches well with most stuff lol also i think the not seeing stains is an asset not a drawback, stains happen and having sheets that still look good even if you cant completely remove the stains in the wash is useful

[@sailorspice]

I know ppl r joking about the “fellas is it gay to decorate and clean my bedroom” thing but unironically my boyfriend (who is heterosexual) has actually been harassed and called the f slur by his college roommates for putting up art decor on his walls and literally just buying nice looking bed sheets… he cares a lot about his appearance and the same goes for his living space as its always very clean and tidy. It got so extreme that his roommates got JEALOUS HIS ROOM WAS CLEAN and would TRASH his room for no reason besides to be bullies and tell him he was too uptight (even tho he never told them they need to clean and would barely interact). Needless to say that they r not roommates anymore lmaoo. actually crazy how many men r so homophobic they literally cant even let themselves have a good looking pair of bed sheets or even RESPECT when other men have higher standards of cleanliness or like to decorate without outright trying to harass them. It 100% stems from the parents in my opinion men telling their sons tht the wife needs to do the cleaning etc or just thru observed behaviors where maybe the woman in those households r pulling the domestic weight 100% so their sons never learn

[@AW-uv3cb]

that is so sad...

[@dmb1745]

Men bring each other down when they promote toxic masculinity like this... crabs in a bucket mentality

[@BrgArt]

as a man i can tell you it's our daily life from 12 to 20~ years old. you do anything remotely "girly" and instantly you're gay and your whole life is getting beaten up during recess.

[@matty6878]

maybe your bf was called the f slur for other reasons...

[@solsy]

​@@matty6878that doesn't justify the use of the slur wtf 😭

[@laflaf125]

When I was at university and we had viewings for student houses, it was always the ones with male tenants that were so dirty and messy it was honestly repulsive. It's weird because usually the letting agents let you know when a viewing is going to happen, so these men supposedly knew they were going to have people view their house, yet they left it in that state. There was such a contrast when we viewed houses with female tenants. To me it just reflected gender roles and social conditioning. Girls are often raised to be able to clean their living space more so than boys.

[@thephoebejeebies]

yes! I knew landlords in my college town who only leased to women for these exact reasons.

[@Aelffwynn]

It's so weird to me because I have both men and women friends who were spoiled and not taught how to clean as children. But after moving out, most of the women figured it out pretty quickly. Most of the men just didn't give a shit. I know plenty of counterexamples, but the trend seems to be that women took initiative in learning those skills, and men didn't.

[@alostkoi]

Every time people talk about working/breadwinner men/husbands/father shouldn't have to do chores, I think about mom's bf; who's not even my father, would happily arrive home and cook me dinner; used to get a little upset because I never left him dirty dishes to wash; who could spend his whole free day deep cleaning if allowed; always wants to cook for my mom and me… This man works 7 days a week, and for sure, mom and I keep the house running smoothly as she's a SAHM, and I'm a freelancer, but even then he wants to do something. Excuses are easy to be honest.

[@rac1equalsbestgame853]

Similarly, while it was almost always taken over by mom, my dad is not only a man but a neat freak when it comes to cleanliness and outright cooked better than mom when he was the one doing when mom couldn't. I never felt that if mom was to disapear the house would fall into chaos, he proved capable and more of maintaining a house when needed

[@mariehizz2039]

This! I’ve just imagine for a sec that I come back home and somebody washed, cooked and cleaned for me. And all I have to do is to eat and sleep and enjoy my life. Of course the patriarchate will never disappear, it keeps man happy just for the fact of their existence 😤😡

[@bentooh2371]

I love examples like this! Both my mother and (late) father loved keeping the house organized in their own preferences that didn't clash with each other's set standards - my mom liked keeping the shared spaces tidy and presentable and gave our separated rooms an inspection once a month (she wanted to make sure us children knew how to tidy up on our own) and my father liked cleaning the tiled surfaces of the kitchen and bathroom areas. My mother would be the one cooking more often for the everyday meals but our dad was the more extravagant cook when it came to flavor and all-around gastronomic experience. I was raised by a couple who agreed to become a functional team way before I was born. - My father did heavy physical labor five days a week as a farmer too, but our family home never became a pigsty. "Excuses are easy" indeed.

[@knight1706]

@@mariehizz2039Patriarchy is loving your husband now, this is just you twisting love into toxicity through your toxic world view.

[@purplelove3666]

And they are not married? When will women learn

[@guimendes3094]

Hygiene and chores are a must unrelated to gender, if a man doesn’t do them he is a bum man-baby. However, when it comes to decorating, I physically couldn’t care less, most dudes don’t need mandalas on the walls, crystals, paintings or such things to feel comfortable in their rooms, me personally, the only things I like to get for my rooms are candles because of the mood they set, the nice smell and warmer yellow lightbulbs for the bedroom.

[@FirstnameLastname-tl1bq]

10:16 you answer the entire conundrum right there, i didnt buy house furniture or even a bed frame until i started making 6 figures last year, i paid out the ass for a great purple mattress, but the world still spun without the thousand dollar bed frame. even the one i have now i bought entirely because it has dresser drawers at the bottom and i didnt feel like bringing my old dresser to this new house.

[@thegadflysnemesis4102]

my mother says that one of the things that really attracted her to my dad is that, on their first date, he took out her trash for her. he was at that point living in a studio apartment into which he crammed a harpsichord, a windsurfer (stretching diagonally across the apartment corner-to-corner floor-to-ceiling), and approximately twenty million sci-fi books (under the harpsichord). fascinating man. i would want to study him like a bug if i were not so very similar to him

[@InventorZahran]

Harpsichord players are built different.

[@VTS1337]

must have been a precision science to take that harpsichord in and out every other day for gigs!

[@christopherbrown5409]

So he enslaved himself to a woman who could've dumped him at any time

[@ChestersonJack]

@@christopherbrown5409Where’d this come from?

[@donaldhysa4836]

@@thegadflysnemesis4102 And what did your mom do for him?

[@DiputchiCAT]

The difference between Japanese style beds and sleeping without a bedframe is that Japanese style beds still have a layer between them and the floor. The tatami may likely insulates the bed (keeping it warmer during winter) and prevents the mattress from getting trapped moisture underneath and becoming mouldy. That tatami mat and a western style bedframe serve the same purpose; keep the frame off the floor and provide protection from damage. Sleeping on a tatami mat is NOT the same as sleeping without a bedframe.

[@cheesedemon88]

Yep, personally I’m not a fan of sleeping on Japanese style beds. However if I go onto someone’s bedroom and see a proper futon and tatami setup, that certainly shows that they care and made an intentional decision when setting up their sleeping space. Very much the opposite of a naked mattress with a dirty navy cover.

[@wheedler]

Japanese mattresses aren't actually just kept directly on the floor, they have a tatami mat underneat to prevent moisture, etc.

[@chillin5703]

I think the point is there are similar benefits. But since we as westerners don't traditionally use tatami mats, people don't really consider that option like they probably should. As Theresa points out, there are people who _choose_ to avoid bed frames for good reasons. So it's not just about "people who care about their design vs people who don't." Me, I went without one for a year because my first night in my dorm, I rolled onto a hard floor (like harder than wood, idk what the hell they made that out of) and was LUCKY I didn't re-aggravate an injured knee by slamming it onto the ground.

[@CamSlaysAllDay]

I am a man with a bed frame and I was raised by an interior designer mother so I have always known the importance of a well decorated space. I am friends with almost entirely women and I thank god everyday that I don't need to sit in boy rooms to hang out with the besties. I wouldnt be able to stomach the smell and the psych ward vibe

[@KSMP]

It's because as long as they have a sleeping surface of any kind, video games, hand lotion and a random dirty sock for clean-up, all their basic needs are met and they don't GAF beyond that. Also, traditionally Japanese rooms could serve multiple purposes and the beds were stored away each morning.

[@brunomurek4292]

I keep my room messy, bc I prefer to relax after work instead of doing more work, I cant get my mind around how you get all that energy, I clean only at weekends.

[@woodanemone9758]

A friend of mine told a horror story about her bf's former roommate. They were 5 guys sharing a flat for a year, and when they moved out, this guy had tacos under his bed... from the night they moved in!

[@Eloraurora]

We weren't allowed food in our barracks during AIT because someone from the last class had been hiding empty pizza boxes in the ceiling.

[@woodanemone9758]

@@Eloraurora Isn't that classic, one does something stupid and then everybody else has to suffer. We had our water taps taken away in high school because a few of the students vandalized them with dirt and rocks. So then everybody had to bring a bottle or go thirsty.

[@unamejames]

I think there is a difference between interest in decorating and lack of motivation for housework. When it comes to decorating, men aren't habituated to the judgmental gaze of others to the point that it follows them home and they're wondering what people will think of their clothing storage. I guess TikTok is changing that, but I'm not sure that's a good thing. When I was buying stuff for my apartment, it was completely utilitarian and I was hesitant to bother going for aesthetics because I knew I would be moving every few years anyway. I wish I had thought to use plastic bins for my clothes, because then I could still be using those bins for something now instead of having bought crap from IKEA just to throw into the landfill.

[@greenscythe8940]

For situation like that they have stick cabinets you can just disassemble like for camping.

[@namedrop721]

I feel you. I’ve lived in situations where I had to move around a lot and money was tight and I did do the bins thing. Why on earth would I spend half my grocery budget on some cheap plastic shit I can’t reuse and probably won’t have space for when I get where I’m going was the thinking. That being in the same category as ‘moldy yellow pillow’ is pretty classist tbh Sorry let me just go to Pottery Barn real quick for some essential throws

[@karkador]

fr what's the point of buying all this decorative space-wasting stuff. im not gonna let my space get dirty, but i'm not gonna populate it with random things either

[@tempyD0nn0]

that sounds awful cant you just decorate for the sake of decorating how empty and vapid must u become to not even have peace within ur own four walls

[@Tymptra]

Yep that's definitely a big missing link in this video. Me and my roommates aren't messy, but we don't have a bunch of decorative stuff either. We simply don't really care about it. What works, works. And frankly, sometimes what is described as "messy" is simply a matter of personal preference. I definitely think that the "chore wage gap" is real, but I wonder if it is somewhat exaggerated by women generally having higher cleaning standards and doing more cleaning than is (imo) necessary. For example, I vacuum the floors in my room like once a month. If someone thinks that it needs to be done twice a month that will increase the amount of chore time they do. Replicate that among various tasks and I can easily see where that 1hr per week difference comes from.

[@PoopHobbit]

I am a woman who chose to sleep on a Japanese style futon in college because it was easier to transport... these men and their empty living rooms containing one monitor and a folding chair are not doing the same thing lol

[@zinjanthropus322]

They are, everything they own can fit into the back of a Prius.

[@keegster7167]

@benjaminollis7621 Although it's better just to buy a futon and tatami mat. It'll last a long time and be even EASIER to transport! And better against mold

[@chillin5703]

It's a similar mentality though. Why deal with a bed frame? To be honest, I was just unaware of the issues that came with not having one. Now I know thanks to reading some of the other comments. 👍

[@dedpossum66]

I disagree with weaponized incompetence in many instances. For instance I am quite clean but my roommate is rather the opposite - some people are completely fine with living in their own filth. That is, the default state of such a person is to live in filth and they likely see the cleaner person as imposing chores on them. It’s not incompetence, it is apathy about something that is desired entirely by the clean person

[@mon4711]

When you share a living space w a person, you're supposed to share the burden of living?

[@Gruesome420]

Honestly, I think these guys just dont really care how anything looks to anyone, ever. Which okay, fair, but dont be all offended when people clown on you or dont consider you dating or marriage material. Most women know its a sign of a lower quality guy. I hope making fun of men like this stays a trend forever tbh men need humbling

[@ianduarte1992]

I find it intresting that women consider the lack of intrest in superfluous and often useless things the sign of a "lower quality" guy... i mean, being nasty is unforgiveable, but the lack of decorating makes a man "lower quality? Sure...

[@All_Lemons]

The gender paygap in allowances really shocked me! The inequality starts so early, it's awful!

[@elise85391]

After we got older, my parents did our allowances by report card grades, and he was strict about them, so we'd get money for As, less for Bs, but then if we got Cs, we actually owed him money. Idk what would've happened if we'd gotten below a C, but I probably don't want to know.

[@massimo4307]

There's no inequality in the world, except the one directed at men when women demand they conform to what they want.

[@livnatkafka9017]

I have seen so many videos of men on tiktok saying things like "women's apartments are the best" or straight up stealing from their partner things like nice soap or decorations 😮 They are miserable but refuse to do the work to change

[@dangerouslycheeky3746]

It won't change until women do.

[@Apricot90]

I grew up with the worst of the worst sexist and nasty, dirty father and brothers, my fat narcissistic mother didn't give a fuck about looks too, I guess she was somehow traumatized by being sexualized and objectified as a young girl... I myself moved out and cut all contact with 19. 34 now. And I seriously appreciate the hardships I have been through back then. It showed me what I DON'T WANT and will never allow in my life! EVER. I know every textbook manipulation strategy in the world too. All thanks to that "family".

[@no_peace]

Why can't you do it since you're doing it anyway 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@aprilshowers3246]

@@no_peace just like in the video

[@massimo4307]

The world isn't tik tok - touch grass

[@amyreynolds27]

This conversation always makes appreciate my parents so much. Among other things, my mom plans meals, cooks, and does the shopping because she loves it. My dad is the one who always cleans the dishes and does the laundry. They are the epitome of a team to me. My brother and I were both taught how to cook, clean, and do yardwork growing up, and we both starting doing our own laundry around 13. We had a set list of chores that we rotated through - with a chart on the fridge and everything -, and our allowances were based on what year we were in at school.

[@kmdn1]

Men: if you want to get a girlfriend, literally the biggest turn on is when a man is competent in taking care of his home. I'm serious. If you develop those habits you will never worry about being attractive to women ever again. It's crazy that many men havent realized this by now

[@akiko3688]

Lol quit yapping

[@NevisYsbryd]

Hardly. The majority of men never get a woman into their abode in the first place and they often end up compromising if not deferring to the woman's standard of decoration in the long-term when any such relationship is established. This is so far down the list of priorities for men to attract women that it is not worth mentioning before others are well-covered.

[@urlauber2884]

This was so much deeper than I thought based on that title. Great video!

[@talaofthevalley]

Watching this reminded me how my older brother used to just kinda Suck at doing house chores. And it's not like he was unwilling, but he always needed to be told or asked to do something around the house, he'd never think to do anything himself. Even when seeing the dishwasher was done and its contents waiting to be put away, he'd still pile dirty dishes in the sink. What FINALLY changed this was when our mother got an injury that made her unable to do big chores for months, later even moving too much, and me starting university a ways away and living half my time away from home. It finally clicked for him that unless He does things, they won't magically get done. He's way more active now helping out with chores and keeping his room tidy (my mother never cleaned his room after he became a teenager btw, same for me. She'd help if we asked, but that was left for us to handle unless something dire occured).

[@tealkerberus748]

The change of mindset from "helping" with cleaning to just cleaning up is critical. It's the same as "helping" with the children, or even worse, "babysitting" the children. They live in the house, they own shares in the mess. They're not helping anyone, they're just cleaning their own home like a competent adult.

[@91clarie]

I'm a girl and my apartment looks like a divorced dad's😂😂

[@dd58089]

literally same, i'm just broke😪

[@DreamItCraftIt]

Same. I just dont really care about what it looks like lol

[@Bones1220]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

Lol same but my bank account is doing good 😂

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

lmao same, and being a stressed and broke college student probably added to that

[@8maymay8]

always the navy bedsheets 💀

[@m.z1256]

yk why

[@SaltedRain]

@@m.z1256why

[@bigbootyboy420]

Or none lol

[@bigbootyboy420]

@@m.z1256if this is a cum joke it doesn’t make sense bc the stains show up more on navy

[@briannawalker4793]

(I wanna like this but I'm not willing to mess up the 666 like xD)

[@Kirtahl]

After a skunk made my bedroom side of the house stinky, I slept on a foam mattress in my living room for a month. I loved the even firmer feeling of the floor than my comfy bed. I have been considering going the Japanese/Korean way for sleeping.

[@deliano8429]

Learning how to appreciate my space has been one of the hardest things for me growing up. A lot of the time im too stressed or depressed to keep it clean but otherwise i like having a tidy space with all my gaming stuff. I will get a different color bed sheet now..

[@EzraSprouts]

An ex of mine also did all his laundry with fabric softener! He didn't know the difference and just picked the cheapest bottle. I had to explain to him at 22. A clear indication of who'd been doing laundry since childhood and who'd been mollycoddled until uni!

[@odothedoll2738]

This is also a matter of how you were raised. My parents don’t have duvets or linen and just use blankets and we also don’t make our beds, we just fold up the blankets. This is all basically because they view it as a waste of time. I’ve had multiple situations where I’ve slept on top of duvets under roughly textured blankets because I didn’t understand the concept that you were supposed to sleep under them.

[@pineapplepie52]

Yes, I do not bother with a flat sheet. Plus my partner and I sleep with separate blankets so there’s no blanket wars in the middle of the night😊

[@odothedoll2738]

@@pineapplepie52 a fellow Star Trek PFP haver hats off

[@ZalemMoon]

I sleep the exact same way lol 😭

[@graceelizabeth130]

I'm the middle child (girl) between 2 boys and I notice that my parents expect more cooking and cleaning from me than they do of my brothers. I also notice this most during birthdays or mothers/fathers day and it tends to be me who gets the best, most thoughtful presents and decorations and my brothers can get away with being a bit lazy and last minute about it. I will often call my parents out on the cleaning/cooking thing and they're like 'Well I know YOU will actually do it'. I don't think they mean to do it but its another way that gender stereotypes is enforced in the household

[@LeaveBritneyalone580]

Your parents suck, I hope you get out of there as soon as possible.

[@mamadoom9724]

I make my daughter do the difficult chores because I know she will do them right. When I give my son chores it just ends up with me being frustrated and angry because he does such a bad job so I have to give him the most simple things like switching the laundry to the dryer.

[@LeaveBritneyalone580]

@@mamadoom9724 So? Make him do it million times until he does it right. You are supporting male incompetence and making him think he can get away with difficult things if he doesn't do it right. You, and parents like you are part of the problem. I'm sure your daughter didn't do it right either at first but she learned and so can he. Stop babying your sons unless you want them to stay unmarried(or without a relationship) and forever with you cause there isn't a person in this world with a little bit of self respect that would tolerate that kind of behavior in an adult, nor is that kind of behavior attractive. Caring about the home you live in is basic adulting. Do better as parent

[@LeaveBritneyalone580]

@@mamadoom9724 So?! Make him do it the million times until he gets it right. You are exactly type of parent that enables their sons weaponised incompetence and cretes adult toddlers that expects their wife/girlfriend/mom/sister to do everything for them. Do better as parent cause you will lose one of your children, your daughter will start resenting you for this kind of behavior. But not worry your son will never leave your home cause no person who has even an ounce of self respect will tolerate this kind of behavior in an adult

[@garfieldkater5469]

​@@mamadoom9724 that sucks so hard for your poor daughter. Also, maybe your son is just doing weaponized imcompetence. Show him he cant play you

[@ohiasdxfcghbljokasdjhnfvaw4ehr]

how on earth does a man not having a bed frame "completely ruin" a womans life

[@ethanetn]

Because everything men do is to slight them in their minds. They make a mess because they are secret patriarchy agents trying to subconsciously condition them into being housewives again

[@DieNibelungenliad]

Women think the world revolves around them just because their simps do

[@nat22968]

It's hyperbolic

[@patman-bp3qg]

Magical thinking

[@ponodude101]

Red and blue are also cool because they're associated with Spider-Man... and Spider-Man is awesome. As a guy who generally tries to keep my room a clean and generally space besides maybe the occasional laziness where I don't put my laundry away immediately, this video was fascinating to watch.

[@GraveMasterLament]

As someone who grew up in a house of hoarders, my dad was the worst. He would always complain about the women( ie his wife and mom especially) being the messiest. This is the same man who throws stuff on the ground instead of reaching an inch more to throw something in the trash. This video struck so many cords with me 😂

[@91msJill]

The allowance pay gap just reminded me of when my older brother moved back home when I was 17 and he was 22. He had been out of the house for 4 years, and in that time, I was the only child at home, sharing chores with my parents. When he moved back, they expected me to continue doing all of my usual chores, while he had none added to his plate. They eventually said they would pay me if I would just continue cleaning up after him.

[@joy.limon_]

So many people afraid of the backrooms when they should be afraid of boyrooms

[@TheHaughtyOsprey]

I paid off my first house when I was 21. I had almost no furniture. I had a futon mat on the floor in my room. My clothes were all ironed and folded or hung up. My living room had a small couch and a television. I had an old car that was paid for. I had no debt. My kitchen was spotless and had everything I needed. I cooked all my food from scratch. Fast forward 20 years. Im married and have 2 daughters that live at home. Guess what?

[@kabyzdoch]

do you really think we're just here waiting for you to pull up and ”fix” our living spaces? if someone starts messing with my stuff, it's the end of a relationship. i made this space comfortable for ME, not anyone else, and i'm ok with how it looks. if it's not ok for you - well, good luck finding an interior designer boyfriend. boys out there put up with your unnecessary esthetics you're pushing down their throats, making their place fit for YOU, not for them, but i'll stand my ground, even if it means eternal solitude. so if it comes even to you putting a rag in a different place or placing a showerhead on the wrong side of the faucet - nope, i'm not ok with that, so either learn my ways, or be on your way. (am i autistic?.. huh, never thought of it before)

[@oleanderhill5081]

Oh my god 😂I'm a gay married man and our whole fricking decor would be navy IF we actually cared about decorating. It's just like, you don't want to go with black everything, but you also can't pick an actual color palette, so you go "well, navy's black-adjacent, and it IS a color, so I'll just get that!" We're both almost 30, too 😅

[@oleanderhill5081]

ALSO the whole "you can't see stains on navy" is definitely a huge factor in why we choose it. This video is calling me OUT

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

nah don't worry, I'm literally AFAB and I prefer black colored things in my room because I'm alternative and because it's "easier to clean"

[@linmonPIE]

I think males being more likely to be color blind might have something to do with it too.

[@djlivvy46]

​@@linmonPIE- and yet they magically know their colours when it comes to sports...

[@victai163]

i'm trans masculine and i have a lot of navy bedding because 1. occasionally my hair dye stains 2. i have periods still and occasionally stains will remain, and they're less noticeable on dark colours

[@ukirichuful]

Keeping your mattress on the floor predisposes it to mold since it can’t air out. That’s why Japanese futons are hung up during the daytime. I’ve seen a ton of super cheap or even free bed frames on FB marketplace, Craigslist etc.

[@purplelily7764]

In my home growing up my parents split their work schedules so that while one was at work the other was off (they worked 12 hour shifts so they had more days off) and whoever was off was responsible for picking up the house, getting groceries, picking us up from school, and making dinner so I was used to an equal division of labor between my parents so finding out about the inequality in most homes was really strange and uncomfortable

[@ajw4969]

you have great parents, love this

[@chickenspy1854]

It's odd that all these boil down to aesthetic choices where men are just deemed incorrect or unfashionable. Like why don't we ask "why do women always use bedframes? is it necessary?" or "why do women always have white bed sheets?" I mean there's a ton of "girl room" tropes that men tend to think of, but the whole genderizing of aesthetics is wild to me. Like, I like loading up my room with plushies too. And I am known to use a throw pillow or two.

[@mossofthemoon]

Bedframes prevent mold from growing on the underside of the mattress.

[@alyssagaul5584]

And white sheets can be bleached of all stains unlike colored sheets

[@palemeadows]

lmfao, men love proving why women are doing better in education. its about the fact that you people cant be bothered to actually make your living space nice, its pathetic

[@lesmokealotesquair8288]

I'm a straight man with kids that loves to decorate & or clean I'm blessed to have been brought up like that

[@Gigi44_Bookworm]

I have severe clinical depression and my apartment is never clean. I admire those who don't feel like basic tasks are a struggle to care about and to actually do without it being an overwhelming and all-consuming stressful event every day

[@djlivvy46]

The Additude website and Strugglecare TikTok both have good advice.

[@intranexine8901]

big mood

[@ek-dw5ur]

i have been reading the book how to keep house while drowning. highly recommend

[@Gigi44_Bookworm]

@@ek-dw5ur Thank you for the recommendation! I have previously read the book and agree it is really helpful.

[@buhbenji]

The real reason that so many guys have navy blue bedsheets is cuz real ninjas used to wear Navy Blue and every guy inherently wants to be a ninja at a subconscious level

[@botanicalitus4194]

They yearn for the dojo

[@Tornnnado]

pretty sure this is true

[@InventorZahran]

The ninja emoji can also mean 'ni99a', so I read your comment as "every guy wants to be a ni99a at a subconscious level" 😂😂😂

[@johnperrone4404]

I fully believe this. I don’t understand how it’s weaponized incompetence and how we “wait until a woman comes and fixes everything” because every man I’ve talked to doesn’t like the decor their wife chooses but decide not to say anything. I mean my friends and I have agreed we’re not gonna decorate our apartment once we get it and instead wait a few months

[@buhbenji]

@@johnperrone4404 tbh my grandma buys all her grandchildren new sheets every year for Christmas so my sheet color has always come down to whatever she got me, and when my gf moved in she wasn't gunna complain about free sheets cuz they are expensive

[@Maria_745]

I would love to see you do a video just on cooking and gender. I'm thinking of how most professional/celebrity chefs are men and some of them specifically rise to fame by using their mother's recipes

[@djlivvy46]

Can also add hairdressers and fashion designers to the list.

[@Xethavosh]

Women always seem to blame "weaponized incompetence", but can't seem to grasp the fact that guys just don't care as much as you. Bed-frames don't make the bed any more comfortable. All those decorations don't really do much, if anything, for us. Guys aren't keeping minimalistic rooms because "a woman will just come in and make it better", we just don't care about all the decoration.

[@JJ-vh3xf]

The thing is though, men are not expected to make their homes inviting to others. Men's rooms can be in lacking or in poor state, without any consequences for how it reflects on them. This is complete opposite for women - women, despite they're circumstances are always expected to maintain the home to its functional needs and to make they're homes something that accessible and enjoyable for others. This is something thats generally expected in visiting another's homes however people will basically crucify women over not meeting this expectation incomparsion to men. This is why conflicts often arise between men and women in straight couples. Typically, men will fail to understand why the upkeep and pride in the home is important to their partner. This is why women talk about "weaponized incompetence" - men will make no effort to do something they don't see as important, leaving the responsibility to the woman. Men are allowed to just not care. Has it occurred to you, as a man, that it's easy for you not to care about "all the decoration" because you've never had to? If you knew a lack of pride in your home would be seen as a personal shortcoming, deserving of less respect and attention, would you feel the same way about not caring about home decor?

[@Xethavosh]

@@JJ-vh3xf Maybe women should stop caring so much what others think.

[@Aurorya]

​@@JJ-vh3xf Okay but why invite people if it makes you uncomfortable and stressed that they will judge your room ? That's something I saw my mother do all my childhood and I never understood. Everything always had to be perfect for the guests but it was unperfect and stressful for us all. Personnally my place is my place and I don't want to hear no comments about how it's messy and whatnot. So only close family are allowed to visit, and if my friends want to see me it's outside or at their place. And I'm a woman. But really, life is already so stressful, people visiting you it's not mandatory 😵‍💫

[@ebayaradiay2781]

And people wonder why marriages are declining and divorcing is rising.And this is why nobody is getting married anymore.Society needs to crumble if the changes are not implement

[@crunchevo8974]

marriages are declining because people don't want to spend 30k to tell people they love each other and the cost of the beurocracy involved is a pain any way you slice it, and divorce rates are increasing because people are much less likley to be financially dependent on their partner now so there's more ways out available to the majority of people. honestly i think both are a good sign that society is moving towards a better place. what do you think would be better? more people getting married and not being able to get out of a possibly abusive relationship?

[@Ella-g2m]

@@crunchevo8974 You don't have to spend $30k for a tiktok wedding. You can sign papers at the courthouse and go to a restaurant for dinner. The modern concept of weddings arose as the emerging middle class in like the 1800s was trying to copy literal royalty. Much of what we think of as being tradition is actually just bullshit.

[@gato_comunista3802]

@@crunchevo8974 well but people are not only not marrying but are staying single... particularly WOMEN are staying single and happy about it...

[@fortunatecookie]

Divorce is actually no longer rising! It peaked in the 90s, and has leveled off since then. I mean it makes sense. Can’t get divorced if you never got married to begin with after all

[@crunchevo8974]

@@gato_comunista3802 yeah, straight men need to step up their game as people tbh. Having a fat wallet isn't enough for most anymoee