Social Skills All Children Should Learn | Ep. 255

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Timestamps
0:00-2:01 Welcome Back
2:02-4:50 Good Ranchers
4:51-12:24 A Common Critique
12:25-17:30 What Is The Real Concern?
17:31-23:45 Being Okay Being Different
23:46-29:15 Being Shy is Selfish
29:16-35:25 Awkward isn't only Homeschool
35:26-39:30 Right Priorities Matter
39:31-44:35 Be Around The Right People
44:36-44:58 See You Next Time!

[@scotishcovenanters]

One way I can recognize home schooled kids is that they are very comfortable around adults, and well spoken, better vocabulary, and can freely express themselves. Public school kids act more intimidated to meet the parents of a friend. I find home schooled kids to be more confident.

[@janiemay5892]

Not just home schooled kids. I was quiet and awkward for ever. I grew up in a abusive house hold.

[@emmakate6518]

Can you guys make a video going over all of your “drills” & child training games you do to teach your children good habits/obedience? I’ve tried googling some and couldn’t find any but I know your family as well as some of the other big families I follow do them.

[@SaraPrice-uo4ho]

I would love this too!!!

[@NowThatWereAFamilyPodcast]

Check out this video for some tips :) - kzbin.info/www/bejne/hJOnnolsm6-IZ5osi=FQ-arFmUbCCjl8m1

[@Stacey_White]

@@NowThatWereAFamilyPodcastwe want more!! Lol 😂

[@Sarah-vl4mq]

Yes! Please, we need more! That was a great video, but we definitely need more!!!! Please and thank you. ❤

[@Lmr6789s]

Omg yes I watched that but also want more! Need to do more of this with my kids!

[@erickacolon8755]

As a first generation Christian mom and dad to our 3 under 3 both my husband and I can say we are greatly appreciative of you guys sharing your godly upbringing. The saying “you don’t know what you don’t know” rings so true when I am struggling to teach the kiddos especially in a way the pleases the Lord. Obviously first going to the word of God and second to outside trusted sources. So thank you for this KZbin ministry! I remember searching desperately for insight but it was all worldly gentle parenting and by Gods grace through m is for mama we found you guys! Thanks for everything! Hoping to cut out tv and introduce music though neither myself or my husband have ever played an instrument 😅

[@cominghomewithsusanne]

My son (who attends public school) and I were talking about this the other day. A lot of people we go to church with homeschool their children. And we were discussing how there is a stereotype that homeschooled kids are awkward. And my son said (to which I agreed with) do you know how many awkward kids there are in public school? We both agreed it depends on how the kids are raised on a case by case basis and if their parents are modeling awkwardness. Not whether they are homeschooled or not.

[@TheIAmAwakened]

I think everyone who public schools should look at the awkwardness and anxiousness of this current generation. They don’t know how to introduce themselves, be around family or strangers - they struggle with so much anxiety and are glued to their tech. I don’t think homeschool could make things any worse.

[@Living4YHWH]

5:07 I generally skip over all of the sponsor messages but, found this one so authentic and fun that I actually listen to the entire thing. Do not read the script! Go off script every single time! That is absolutely what got my attention and kept me listening to it! Keep it real and they'll appreciate you actually attracting customers in a real-life way!

[@alisongriedl205]

This might be my favorite episode yet! You guys are so intentional about your parenting (especially for how young you are) and it’s amazing. We don’t always see eye to eye on everything but this, we do! I think all children go through awkward stages of life but I would be curious about statistics on depression and suicide rates in homeschooled kids vs public schools. I think parents of homeschoolers tend to be much more involved in the day to day with their children and giving them the foundation of confidence, love, support, encouragement. As well as our ability to eliminate bullying or at least reduce exposure to it until they have the emotional maturity to process. Anyway, great episode!

[@DrLindaSchwartz]

My daughter will be 15 this year and has always homeschooled. She has grown up with friends that go to public school. They tell her what goes on in public school. I also attended public school for high school after attending a private Christian school through 8th grade. I got used to being different. I loved being different. My daughter and I have discussed over the years how public school makes you conform. Everyone has to look, act, talk, do the same things or you are teased. We attend a Co-op and my daughter can tell the difference in how the homeschooled children are so open and friendly about your opinions. The kids that go to church with my daughter are all in public school and are always "shocked" and laugh at my daughters opinions. All of the boys at our church are in public school and are all very socially awkward. They only speak of video games if they speak at all. At our co-op, the homeschooled boys talk easily to you and are very open and friendly.

[@ariellioness9384]

She talks about having a gentle and quiet spirit in regards to not being "odious" as girls. It made me wonder if that verse means quiet in terms of not being loud in volume, or does it mean quiet as in peaceful? I didn't know. So I looked up strongs concordance for the word "quiet" in that verse. And I interpret it now differently. It means undisturbed, or peaceful. So a child or person can be louder than others as that's the way God made them. Just more boisterous in the way they express themselves and still be "gentle" and have a "quiet spirit". I just never thought of it that way!!

[@jeslovesjesus]

Kirk Cameron has a homeschooling doc on pureflix that is awesome! It really strikes down all the negative stigmas people put on homeschooled kids such as the social aspect. One person made a point and said it’s interesting that people go straight for the socialization aspect when you mention your kids are homeschooled however, socials skills aren’t taught from other kids, they’re taught to kids by adults. A 5 year old isn’t going to teach another 5 year old how to socialize. It’s taught by parents and adults then practiced with other kids but you can practice with anyone anywhere! The park, church, grocery store, etc. Public/private school is the only time that you’re completely surrounded by a bunch of people the exact same age as you. It’s not like that in the real would. My main concern with my little is that she loves the Lord with all of her heart, mind and strength. If she turns out awkward then so be it 😂

[@jacquelinerose1877]

Another episode about your practical how to do this. 1) how your parents did this? 2) what you do with kids of vsrious ages 3)what you feel are good resources to learn about this influence and gain friends

[@victoriadavidenko4695]

I think this is a valid concern. I was homeschooled growing up, and know lots of homeschool families around us. Almost all of the socially awkward, homeschool children were extremely isolated. Church and home and nowhere else. Only the Bible or Christian material allowed. Everyone is bad except the people at church. When the parents took an extreme stance and would not allow the children to be anywhere outside of the home, it really stunts them. Almost always the children would rebel and leave or stay painfully awkward. Those parents who explored different perspectives, different cultures and allowed their children to experience the world had far better results when it came to socialization and relatability. I think this can happen outside of the realm of homeschool. If a child is isolated and not properly socialized they are stunted. You see this in adults too.

[@changingwithchelsea]

As a homeschooling mom to 4 girls your video is encouraging! Thank you for talking about these topics! As a former school teacher seeing all sides I cannot say that homeschool children are more likely to be less social. My goal is to provide an environment my girls can receive their educational needs in a shorter time leveling more time for family and their personal interests!

[@JG-rs1ir]

I'm screenshotting your last sentence because that's sums up why I homeschool. Time and time again family still questions it

[@RKOuttathebox]

As a home-schooling father, socialization and awkwardness were always a high concern of mine. My son was always shy in his adolescent years and would be one of the quieter students at home-school co-op or on sports teams. Now that he is a teenager, he is more outward going and social with people in his age group and confident in himself. It all just naturally sort of happened, I would encourage him to socialize and that was about it. I would say that being sociable as a parent and talking to all kinds of people and joking a bit was a good example for him to follow. Children really do emulate what their parents put forward, it might just take a while.

[@irinaparkhotyuk9631]

Social awkwardness is not determined by your type of schooling, but everything that happens outside of it. I was public schooled my whole life and the amount of weird and socially awkward kids I’ve encountered there was ungodly. Mind you this is prior to smart phones where you had to talk to people to interact, can’t imagine the mess in children’s heads today.

[@JuniperLynn789]

You two are fantastic and well beyond your years in wisdom!

[@kate_700]

The Good Ranchers sponsor! Amazing! So proud of y'all. I love to see your wisdom going further and further into this internet space. :)

[@ackreft]

This was such a great episode. And I will say that I have hidden myself and have allowed my children to hide behind the curtain or being shy but I agree that we don't want to feel uncomfortable even if that means making other people uncomfortable. Thanks for putting words to that and that is something I will definitely have to work on.

[@brianadeeds597]

This was such a great episode! I think most parents don't think so deeply about developing social skills, no matter the schooling style, and it's so important. Loved everything you brought up, thank you for sharing!

[@gigib4076]

Totally agree that social skills are taught by intentional parents.

[@MayBlake_Channel]

When i was a (homeschooled) kid, i was awkward. It turns out it was mostly caused by my abusive mother 🤷‍♀️. Once I got out of that house, started my own life, and began to heal, i became charasmatic and sociable.

[@thesmiths629]

Here's my experience with that concern: my family was concerted that my children would be meek, bashful, excessively shy. That they wouldn't learn proper childhood social interactions like playing tag, and introducing themselves with confidence. The concern is overly sheltered children turning into socially inept adults. If mommy always speaks for them, they never need to interact outside of that safety parameter, they won't be able to do it well at an appropriate age. I was not worried about this because I realized from my own public school experience thay socially akward exist in both worlds, and very confident intelligent individuals also come from both worlds. You don't want kids to seem like they've been locked in a closet, and neglected... for the simple fact that homeschooling is foreign to some families, they assume it is similar to abuse to withhold the social experiment of public school from a child. When reality is we have so much more freedom to be more social, not being bound to the rigorous hours of state facility imprisonment.

[@laurens8623]

Just a side note all the electric buses and cars are facing battery issues with the recent cold snap in norway. -20 -30 Celsius

[@ashlieleavelle]

I was homeschooled at a church with a lot of homeschool families. There were some who were awkward. They wore clothes that looked like Little House on the Prairie, weren't allowed to go to youth group activities. ( This was in the 90s's) Overly sheltered. Most of those kids grew up to negate their faith. They walked away from everything they were taught because their parents were too sheltering of them, to the extreme. They weren't even allowed to socialize with kids at church from good families. Most kids who are homeschooled excel at socializing. Parents have to give their kids opportunities and not be over the top .

[@laurens8623]

Yes we want to raise and be relational world changers bringing heaven to earth.

[@SherryMacoy-dk4zh]

I already liked because I love this topic and I’m so excited to hear you guys talk!!!! School may need to start late today so I can listen 😁😁😁😁😁

[@kellygallagher5045]

Wow, some things I never thought about! Thank you!! ❤️

[@amyd4797]

Great podcast today! You touched on so many great topics! I could relate to quite a few too. :)

[@christinahelmuth1507]

Loved this episode! A needed listen for me!

[@mari.r.365]

Saving this podcast to reference later. Nice job!

[@patriciabellah9392]

I love that your talking about this. Unfortunately alot of homeschooling I've seen that use the bible to seclude the kids because they don't want to have awkward conversations (they hear a word there not allowed to say and ask what that means).

[@marilynpetersen9115]

Yes please show how you go about it and how you keep conflict from occurring or how to stop it between siblings?

[@marissalock540]

A few things my mom told us growing up were that, it's ok to be shy, but it's not ok to be rude. And that children behave in a similar manner to how they're parents behave, regardless of where they go to school. And that home schoolers interact with people of all ages, whereas public schoolers learn from their peers, which is not usually the best thing.

[@lonnajoy]

Really good stuff here finally took the time to finish it! I still have some questions, but good thoughts for me to consider.

[@jessicam8346]

I hosted an event featuring Elon Musk, and to your point, parents came up to me afterward and said that his awkwardness gave their perhaps less cool, or socially savvy child a confidence boost that you could do great things even if you weren't a smooth talker or liked "nerdy" things. I was also told by a very affluent family that their dad told them to leave the party whenever you were having the most fun, and I plan to teach my children that - so you're not there as things go downhill and people associate the height of a good time with your presence. Of course, if you're there as a friend in a way where it would be helpful to stay to help tidy up, it's good to be the last one out in service.

[@jessicam8346]

I think there's also a difference between social awkwardness and "worldliness", which is maybe what they're trying to pigeon hole homeschoolers into, ie you don't know all the pop culture points others do so you're awkward because you can't join in a conversation that really doesn't carry much weight. If anything, having people less pop culture obsessed can only elevate conversations and interactions. Talking about Ideas> Events> People

[@mariadavid3682]

you guys are awesome😊

[@latterdaycovenantliving]

I actually have no idea how I came across this podcast I don’t homeschool but my kids are awkward at school they aren’t in the loop and it’s definitely because we focus on on family and Christian culture when they are at home. Think both of mg kids would have been more confident if I had managed to home school them when they were little and I was first introduced to the idea

[@mycupofcocoa1125]

I went to public school and yes homeschooled ppl are the type I’d like to hang out with.

[@hugsforlove]

❤❤❤

[@amyradtke169]

I went to public school....I'm socially awkward lol....public school doesn't guarantee kids won't be socially awkward

[@cassidygoulding2963]

Can you make a video about a new day in a life with a baby or getting outside with a baby?

[@verafranchuk4637]

How do you teach your kids how to not over-share? I've heard some awkward statements coming from kids and wondering how to best help them understand privacy of their family and others.

[@cirelo1896]

Apples and trees, my husband and I always say.

[@Sarah-vl4mq]

What are some of the resources you used when child training? Like, having the children look at you when they ask a question...etc.

[@NowThatWereAFamilyPodcast]

Check out this video for some tips :) - kzbin.info/www/bejne/hJOnnolsm6-IZ5osi=FQ-arFmUbCCjl8m1

[@lonnajoy]

The problem is that parents never see their own children's social awkwardness. I'm speaking as a parent who is homeschooling right now. It is a real concern for me. That and getting used to other authority figures outside of their parents. I've seen the challenges in other families and wonder if I will even see it in my own. We just tend to not see certain things as parents. I hope I am making sense here.

[@SaraPrice-uo4ho]

I agree with you! Blind spots are a big deal! We need to be humble about shortcomings while still being encouraging to our kids and our family!!!

[@NowThatWereAFamilyPodcast]

That totally makes sense and we agree with you. We tried to touch on that towards the end but probably should've spent more time on it.

[@lonnajoy]

Also, the social awkwardness I would refer to is not knowing to converse or have relationships with people outside of their family. For Christians, relationships should be a pretty higg priority. There's also a bit of a prideful or sorry, I'm better than everyone attitude that I have seen maybe a lack of humility, a lack of compassion... I just want to make sure in my own children that I don't lay that trap for them essentially.

[@laurens8623]

I went to public school and learnt how to hide or pretend or compensate for my awkward shyness so that was not helpful

[@Creative2xmom]

Totally with you except on the issue of shyness. Some kids and adults genuinely struggle with social anxiety. Yes, in some ways, it can be improved, but shyness isn't necessarily a selfish quality. I can't imagine how much more I would have personally withdrawn if I had been drilled that being shy and quiet was a "less than" quality.

[@cderry10]

Agreed. Every personality is unique

[@homosexualbiologicalmaleexit]

some people are not social and that a personal decision , personal decision must start being accepted about how people are , stop the conversion therapy and let people decide personally, let people be awkward if they are awakard

[@laurens8623]

Its not common homeschool in norway. Only know 1 family , wifes polish husband norwegian. Raising 2 of the most polite respectful socially tsking initiative to ask good questions and smile and engage

[@eks1211]

I’m homeschooling my kids and what I have noticed is when my child is around other kids my kids are more socially adapted than the school kids. I have stop my kid at times and showed him the others persons face to teach him look she is sad or scared should we continue playing like this?

[@seekingtruthandcompassion1707]

I understand you home school however home schooling and private education is not possible for my family. So it is goung to need to be public education. However we have the choice of a normal public school or state intergrated catholic school which wouod be better ? We are non denominstion christians

[@gentlenessandkindness2160]

Try one and if not good fit, then the other.

[@laurens8623]

Girls maybe have higher pitched frequency than boys but both are loud. Had to google incumbent and odious. Thanks for expanding my vocabulary

[@megangrelle]

"forget the pyramid... People get uncomfortable with pyramids" 🤣

[@nothanksmegan]

Katie… can you tell me what conditioner you use lol

[@mollytuininga6056]

i found kids from home school to cling to their parents in adult conversation and that was wierd need to be involved in some other child group activity’s

[@buffalolifesavers]

It's sad to say, but I think many parents actually value being not socially awkward over being world changers.

[@pem1091]

The Lord gave them to you to raise them, exercise stewardship over them. No apologies! Why do your children need to know worldly concepts?

[@vera71443]

something gone wrong with your upload on Spotify - you have silence in the beginning and then interview with Jordan & Milena instead of this with the same title

[@NowThatWereAFamilyPodcast]

Thanks for catching that! It’s been updated to the right audio 😅