sometimes - my depression and my disability

5 years ago I wrote this to help me through my depression. I hope it helps you too.
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Thanks for watching!
Ben Clark
#wheelchair #fitness #spinalcordinjury

[@AdaptToPerform]

Hey everyone, as mentioned this video was really tough to make as it reminds me of some really tough situations in my life. However i'm in a much better place physically, mentally, emotionally and spirtually. If life is getting hard please reach out to me or an organisation like the Samaritans. Life is wonderful and we all have the capability of seeing that. Much love to you x

[@paulgustafson7012]

Well spoken Ben. Life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns. Speaking about mental health is difficult but I feel it is so important for everyone. Something I know I am not good at. You should be proud of where you have been and the journey that continues to move you forward.

[@AdaptToPerform]

Cheers mate very proud of myself! I think mental health is something to always keep on top of

[@ajaesmith3029]

Proud of you. I'm only 27 and I burst the disc's in my neck and lumbar. Staying strong and positive can be so hard sometimes. I struggle with my mental a ton. More power to you my guy. Stay strong, you are not alone. Appreciate you putting yourself out there

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you very much 🙏 since this video my life has only been on the up!

[@The_Joker_]

I’m 23 yrs into T3 paraplegia and an amputee. Your video is like a mirror to me. I’m proud of you my friend thanks for this video ❤from Ireland ☘️

[@chic-tv]

I came across you today on utube , i been in my bed 9months , giving up , could not handle my life change , i actually got into my chair Today and did part of your workout , i surprised myself , so for this i say huge "THANKYOU" 🙏

[@AdaptToPerform]

I'm so happy to hear that. Keep up with the great work 😊😊

[@JennyWoodShangraw]

I understand completely! 1949 Polio Survivor now dealing with Post-Polio Syndrome. We have our UPS. We have our DOWNS. In the end, we are SURVIVORS. Blessings and Hugs.

[@bbreeves48]

I’m in a sometimes now. My husband had to be hospitalized and I didn’t have any assistance at home so I’m in a nursing home. When he was released from the hospital he went to “where he was loved” a town where two of his sons live. So they could help him recover. Well, here I am in the wonderful nursing home and have found a couple who want to move in and help me and him when he recovers. He’s 100% against the idea but doesn’t have a better one. At this point my idea is “Take care of myself “.

[@JEEEVANJOHN]

Thank you so much for talking about this. As someone who’s wheelchair bound, battled depressive moments and contemplated suicide at times when I was 13 to 15, I’m glad to hear you talk about this.

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you very much. I don't think I realised I was until a few years later.

[@AR-bc6ls]

I saw this video and immediately I broke down. I'm 30 and have been disabled for 3-4 years now. And it just got really emotionally and spiritually heavy for me to deal with... this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear... thank you so much...

[@AdaptToPerform]

I was exactly where you are. It can be better 👍 reach out if you need to talk

[@dancefitness2344]

Same

[@cliffllewellyn7623]

i was born with my disability so i ve never walked,,,,,,,,,it must be an awfully hard thing to deal with but you got me exercising so thankyou

[@davidahart2476]

I really enjoyed your video, I'm 55, I was diagnosed with a mild case of CP when I was around 2, I mainly affected my balance and motor skill and caused me to have a erratic gait. As I got into my 30's and 40's I started having issues with osteoarthritis in my knees, lower back and in my hands and fingers, and also became an amputee on the right leg, first half the foot then 10 yrs later below the knee. I used a cane for short distances and a rollator around the house, when shopping I always use a grocery cart. I worked as long as I could, my coworkers had been on to me about slowing down because they saw the toll it was taking on my body. Once I really started to notice my body, it was telling me the same thing. I left the workforce in 2019, I filed and got on SSDI. Now I'm able to go at my own pace.

[@AdaptToPerform]

I'm glad you have found a solution that works for you!

[@Alex54578]

your video was really motivational. I'm a 20 yo boy diagnosed with hsp, an hereditary disease that makes walking gradually harder: luckily i'm not in wheelchair and i really hope that we would discover a cure as soon as possible, but your video motivated me to stay focused on physical exercises

[@AdaptToPerform]

Stay focused 😎

[@cstiffy90]

Thanks for what you do Ben. I'm a 1 year paraplegic. I'm slowly navigating my way through my new life. I recently found you on youtube, and I appreciate the courage it took to share your story. I'm enjoying the workouts and feel like I'm getting stronger. But I also have days where I feel utterly lost. You give me hope that one day it'll get easier and that I too may find my new purpose.

[@AdaptToPerform]

You got this my friend. It's a long hard journey but remember to make the most out of it and appreciate the little things. Here if you need to chat

[@sharonkenn8394]

Thank you for being so real! I am 1 year into my journey, and try every day to be positive and seer the opportunities this challenge gives me. T is exhausting and this past weekend I had a bad sometimes event, after a failed transfer, I curled up on the floor and had a good cry my family didn’t like it, but I really needed it, we all do sometimes...I wish you joy on your journey!

[@Lee-ob8dh]

Thanks so much for sharing I have Cerebral Palsy & am a single mom. For the past year you've helped me want to start moving again. Been in a tough place as of late this video came at the perfect time.

[@AdaptToPerform]

No worries 😊 I'm glad I have been able to help you physically

[@corinnehawkins8]

Your not alone dear friend i have depression myself and anxiety sometimes I'm scared to admit that because I don't know who I can trust telling without judgments

[@AdaptToPerform]

Admitting and asking for help isn't giving up. It's the opposite it's doing everything possible to get the results

[@tammysnowden3534]

I love all your workout videos but this is your most honest and real video. 26+ years of being a paraplegic. Some days suck. Especially what is going on in the U.S. now. Yet I see how far I’ve come and I’m happier and proud of my accomplishments. You rock Ben.

[@AdaptToPerform]

I try to mix it up with some non Workout videos from time to time. I'm so glad you're on the right path 💞💞

[@jasonmcnair5294]

I just found you yesterday and started your dumbbell exercise workout today. It's been a struggle. I currently reside in a short term rehab center and am working hard to get out of here. Insurance took me off therapy (though I'm hoping to be added again soon) so I've been working out on my own and I utilize their twice a week open gym sessions where I can use the fly machine for even heavier weights. These workouts are perfect for me for when I'm by myself in my room. Thank you for this video, too. I've felt all the emotions you talked about. You're an inspiration and again, I thank you so much!

[@AdaptToPerform]

It's my pleasure to help I hope things go well for you moving forward

[@jasonmcnair5294]

@@AdaptToPerform Thank you! An update, I'm still at the rehab center but I'm working with a service coordinating company that's looking for an apartment for me along with the equipment I'm going to need. I'm going to have to be in a wheelchair indefinitely and I am a 100% hoyer lift transfer. I have been working on my upper body five days a week with two days off. I do strength training with weights in the open gym those two days using a weight machine that allows me to work out different muscle groups, and I've been able to incrementally increase the amount of weights I'm lifting. The other three days, I discovered a lengthy ramp in a tunnel that runs between this center and the hospital it's attached to that staff sometimes complain about walking it. I've been going to the hospital since March for a book club, and I used to have to have aides or nurses wheel me over and bring me back. One day the club ended too close to shift change and nobody was available to come get me. I decided to try to get back on my own. I made it to the bottom of the ramp but got stuck (there are no handrails) and had to be pushed up the ramp by a VP that just happened to walk by and offered to help. I was a little embarrassed, and I vowed then to make it up the hill on my own before I got discharged. Two weeks later I made it up on my own, setting the brakes in spots to give my hands and arms a rest. I progressed to being able to climb it without setting the brakes. I then started adding a climb every week to those three days I use it for my exercise. The last month I've added intensity by timing the total workout, trying to average about 3 minutes per climb. There's a door in the middle that offers a little plateau where I afford myself a 30 second break and then get to the top, spin around, fly back down to the bottom (it's actually kinda fun), turn around, and get back to the bottom as one climb. I'm now up to 9 climbs per workout. I also have to add I'm a big, tall guy and the wheelchair I'm using from the facility needs new front bearings so the chair perpetually pulls to the left. Not only am I climbing up, I constantly have to correct the chair to keep it straight. It is a fantastic upper body/cardio workout where I use my whole upper body to get me up the physical and proverbial hill. I see and feel the transformation your videos and personal story helped inspire, and I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@charlesdominique1058]

Thank you….. I really needed to hear this

[@jordylont1879]

Thank you for talking about mental health, especially as it relates to disability. This can be really valuable.

[@AdaptToPerform]

No worries. I'm happy to open up about this stuff

[@antoniomari2730]

Keep going man! The secret is just accept yourself, also your phisical limit and just live your life at all! God bless you👋💕💪

[@AdaptToPerform]

Cheers mate 🤘

[@raniareda9050]

I am really impressed with your courage. As if this video talks about me. Everyone in this life has ups and downs, but we as wheelchair users find it harder to express our pain. Keep going Ben, you are an inspiration for many disabled and abled people as well. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you share.

[@AdaptToPerform]

I'm so glad I can help you on your journey

[@michaelmckeon5584]

Hi. Saw this for first time today. Two years into my disability - T5 complete. It’s hard. Helped seeing and hearing part of your story. Reminded me of a bookmark my wife made me in Rehab at Southport - simple message on both sides. “Never give up - Find a way”. It helped at the time and subsequently. You are right about trying to focus on the good things and the things that you can still do - and some days that’s very difficult but it is our only way through this.

[@AdaptToPerform]

It's a tough journey but you got this. We got this 💪💪

[@margo8248]

This is so you Ben. You're reached a place where where you're comfortable enough to but your self out there to help others. It does help, more than you will ever know. Thank you.

[@Kristenaann]

Thank you for sharing this. I'm saving it to my favorites to help me through my low moments.

[@AdaptToPerform]

My pleasure to share with you 😊

[@filipinomeknow]

Awesome video. To caveat and reemphasize on this, no one should ever be too ashamed or too proud to reach out for help. No matter where you're at in life.

[@AdaptToPerform]

That's a very good point m thank you very much

[@maikeadam5354]

Thank you so much for sharing! I am really struggling with my bad sometimes! 4 years into my disability! I used to run and hike with the dog daily, suddenly arthritis got so bad I could barely walk! I’m trying to turn a corner and to concentrate on the good sometimes! At 38 I want to be more positive and loose weight!

[@AdaptToPerform]

4 years is still in the overcoming phase. Give yourself time and forgive yourself. It's a long slow hard journey but try to find joy in the small things

[@maikeadam5354]

@@AdaptToPerform yes I’m definitely still in that stage! I have only just about got over the denial stage and accepting I need to ask for help (which I’m not good at, I’m very independent and never ask for help!) I’m going to start your 4 week exercise plan tomorrow! Probably at 5am as I’m a single mum with 4 kids and it’s hard to find Time to myself while they are all home due to lockdown! We live in wales and have been in lockdown since before Christmas 🙈🙈🙈

[@AdaptToPerform]

That must be tough. Why not get the kids involved! They can do it too!

[@maikeadam5354]

@@AdaptToPerform my son is 8 and would probably love to join in! My daughters are 12, 13 and 16! No chance with them they would just look at me as if I have grown green tentacles lol! 😂😂😂😂

[@AdaptToPerform]

Haha that's probably true 😂

[@Wheelsnoheels]

Amazing video Ben. Thank you for showing us something so venerable. My younger self could have really benefited from seeing something like this, and Im so glad you have a platform now where you can share and help others. Not only could it have helped my younger self, it has helped my today self. Thank you

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you very much 🥰 I'm glad you liked it!

[@1400hpnextgen7]

For the people on here that have disabilities you are strong people and give others inspiration.

[@AdaptToPerform]

🥰🥰🥰

[@Tikwiza-qw8zn]

🙂🙂🙂

[@someonerandom6379]

Brilliant video. I think social media can make us all feel somehow inadequate, everyone always seems so upbeat, so confident etc but I think it’s very important for people like yourself (with a social platform) to share these stories. Life will always be a mixture of ups and downs, we just have to keep going. I saw a ted x talk with Timothy Alexander an American football star who was paralysed in an accident, he said “it doesn’t have to be easy....it just has to be possible” and that resonated so much with me. I think it’s a phrase we should all remember.

[@AdaptToPerform]

I will have to check out the talk! Thanks for sharing 🤠 I think you're right with social media. I always try to highlight the bad and good

[@Julie-2ndlife]

Thank you, I needed to hear this.

[@AdaptToPerform]

My pleasure

[@Julie-si3hi]

Thank you x The grief of who I once was hits me in waves.

[@AdaptToPerform]

My pleasure. Stay strong

[@SandieRoberts]

Oh Ben, what a wonderful video. A wonderful message and a wonderful poem. I find writing letters to myself so powerful and I’m so glad you’ve found this too and that you’ve shared this today. What a strength you’ve shown in sharing your story to help others... truly well done 👏

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you very much Sandie. It's very helpful 👍

[@matthewlindley5452]

Thank you Ben. It’s not easy opening up about how difficult it can be living with tetraplegia. And I consider myself lucky having an incomplete injury and have a fully independent life.

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thanks Matthew. It's not easy but I'm glad to live a mostly independent life!

[@pekkapaavonpera6589]

Appreciate your honesty.

[@AdaptToPerform]

Always!

[@MakeupandMobility]

I completely agree with you Ben! I was born with my disability and sometimes I struggle with life and yeah I’m happy don’t get me wrong but life is hard sometimes but you got to pick yourself up and be happy thank you for reminding me that it’s all about YOUR attitude, YOUR reacts and YOUR love for YOURSELF! Much love to you and take care my friend ❤️

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts ☺️ that's why I wrote it in the first place as a reminder when times are tough. Much love to you too 💞

[@gayatrigopalan495]

Your channel has been a great resource for adaptive physical exercise for my son who has significant motor planning issues! Thank you very much. Namaste,

[@AdaptToPerform]

It's my pleasure to help

[@sydneyspraggs3369]

Ben Clark you are a star!!

[@elahm76]

I’m so impressed by you and your channel. I’m right now in a down period hoping it will be over soon! As for many others COVID is fucking up the everyday life and the ability to ‘get away from the house I’m bound to and see others the my family’. I feel mean by saying so but I miss being the person I am with my friends. I do think it’s so important to share hard times too and say that it’s totally ok to feel bad sometimes. Thanks for sharing

[@AdaptToPerform]

My pleasure to share. It's a difficult time at the moment but we will get through it 💪💪

[@PatrickHenry-tr3wf]

I saw your video it gave me hope and inspiration im a quadriplegic due to a hate crime because im transgender my life has been turned upside down being Paralyzed is hard to accept its been 1 year in struggling to really accrpt my life being this way thank you for making this video

[@AdaptToPerform]

I'm sorry that someone's hate made you paralysed. If you're still breathing you have a chance to turn that into something positive. See this as an opportunity. Believe me it's not easy and it'll probably never be easy but by making the most out of it you can bring yourself some ownership of your situation

[@Marko_85]

Thnx from this video!! At the right moment. I need motivation. All the best friend!! 💪👍

[@AdaptToPerform]

No worries ☺️ happy to provide

[@thewheelchairlife6935]

Thank you Ben

[@AdaptToPerform]

My pleasure 🥰

[@Nerfunkal]

I didn't wanna shower today, but I watched this while I was laying there feeling meh, whelp sometimes I shower so I did today, thank you.

[@AdaptToPerform]

I've been there lots of times! Well done for today

[@benjaminearenst8827]

Thank you so much for sharing! I definitely feel inspired!! ❤️

[@AdaptToPerform]

I'm glad you are!

[@temperosguilherme]

this video is a public service for sure. thank you Ben for share this excellent video.

[@AdaptToPerform]

I love making this kind of stuff 💞

[@joeskinner6588]

Brilliant video once again Ben! It is totally relatable stuff! A few days after I sent you the message about how much you have helped me, the blip I described as having on that day intensified slightly as it sometimes can on this occasion due to uncertainty about the uni course I am doing. But once again it is the understanding that these are all perfectly normal emotions that will always pass if I do the right things like exercise every day and affirmations etc. I don't know if you can relate to this but in a weird sort of way, I enjoy the challenge of a wobble because when my brain is feeding me these emotions I fight back because I won't let it beat me as you don't let it beat you. I tell my brain that it is talking a load of rubbish but in more expletive terms than that haha. It's this knowledge that helps good days always come again and allows me to appreciate the tough ones when they inevitably come as it's all part of the process. Keep going everyone don't give up!

[@AdaptToPerform]

Keep on fighting my friend you've got this 💪 I know exactly what you mean. See everything as an opportunity

[@joeskinner6588]

@@AdaptToPerform absolutely

[@bouncedatazz4122]

Never be discouraged my guy !

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you dude

[@ericlindsay5875]

Thank you for this Ben. Inspiring.

[@AdaptToPerform]

No worries Eric 🙂

[@HFMWheels]

You summed it up very well, thank you for sharing. Very relatable I've been in a funk recently coming out of it now. I wrote a similar thing on my phone yesterday. Writing and your videos definitely help me :)

[@AdaptToPerform]

I'm so glad to help and really glad to have you on the live stream team!

[@HFMWheels]

Thanks 😊

[@marysauder7388]

Hi. I’m inspired by your video. I’m not sure when you made this and hope you continue to thrive. I am disabled. I walk with forearm crutches. I get really down sometimes. Especially when I feel left out, forgotten. Just a simple check in from a family member can really make my day but it doesn’t happen. I’m not asked to lunch,(recently had to stop driving). I feel left behind as I watch everyone go about their lives. Can you speak on that? Any suggestions?

[@AdaptToPerform]

Hey Mary this was made a few years ago now. Since then I've become married and travel the world. Currently in Chile! I understand what you mean and I've been there myself. I'll look into creating something along those lines too

[@marysauder7388]

@@AdaptToPerform bravo! Enjoy your trip and hope you have many more.

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you very much 🥰

[@SlayNetwork]

Very good video, you should sell adapt to perform merch

[@AdaptToPerform]

I do!

[@jamesspangler1984]

Thanks lately it seems like dark is taking over.

[@AdaptToPerform]

Keep fighting my friend 💪💪

[@theangryquad3127]

I'm permanently pissed off and never at the same time! Everything you mention here has to happen in order to be alive! The question is and can only be your response to them.......... Reasons for the why will hopefully be outside of our control but the aftermath is our choice! Experience, Evaluate, React!

[@AdaptToPerform]

I guess that explains the profile name!

[@theangryquad3127]

@@AdaptToPerformMy attitude toward SCI is more of a challenge that needs to be overcame both physically and mentally and there is nothing that says you have to be nice about it! The injury is not nice to its recipients so "FUCK IT!"

[@AdaptToPerform]

Fair play to you 🤘

[@sheilacollins249]

Oh, don’t I know

[@joelalvarez5150]

I'm angry a lot why am I disabled and why wasn't I the first to go when my oldest brother passed away in Nov from civid it makes no sense

[@AdaptToPerform]

Sorry to hear that my friend

[@paralifetv-youreverydaywhe8314]

Thank you for sharing. It can certainly get tough at times. If you ever need to shoot the breeze...give a shout.

[@AdaptToPerform]

Thank you very much I very much appreciate that

[@DerelictusAnima]

What if you're at the point where you know you might not make it anymore, where your body and mind is just too weak to continue even if you wanted to, you just made too many mistakes and pushed your body over the abyss?

[@AdaptToPerform]

Then pick up the phone and call the Samaritans or your countries equivalent they have people trained for exactly this.

[@Slidehhy]

How are you keeping now

[@AdaptToPerform]

I'm fantastic 😊

[@kerstinrossek]