Star Wars: Rise of The Walkback Part 2

It's finally here! 2 hours of criticizing reviewing Star Wars Rise of the Skywalker!
Part 1: • Star Wars: Rise of The...
Part 3: • Star Wars: Rise of The...
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[@JoelJoel321]

"How is this movie 75% exposition and yet nothing is ever explained??" - That right there sums up this film.

[@Dragonage2ftw]

It doesn’t. Everything was explained.

[@viscountrainbows6452]

@@Dragonage2ftw ✞✞✞

[@hohhoch3617]

@@Dragonage2ftw Uh... what exactly in this film was explained?

[@whade62000]

Because it was written by JJ "Mystery boxes are more important than answers" Abrams

[@ForceMaximus84]

Dexter Sigurdson George Lucas: That’s not how the Force works! Disney: Shut up, old man! These are our toys now! REEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

[@mikedrop4421]

Sitting through this 2 hour long dumpster fire of a film was completely worth it now that you've given us a 2 hour long masterpiece.

[@jamiebraswell5520]

What is even better is when people like me were smart enough to not see this crapola film at all, yet can now sit down and watch this excellent roast of the film for absolutely free!

[@ThiccTurd]

I recently watched it on Disney plus and I literally laughed during the entire movie

[@ControlYourKids]

@@ThiccTurd at it or with it

[@ThiccTurd]

control ur kids. At it

[@nagirok1]

@@jamiebraswell5520 same XD

[@iaminhere6022]

When the Review that makes fun of everything in and around the movie is more fun to watch then the movie itself, then you know you did somthing really wrong

[@deltoroperdedor3166]

Tbh, Sitch is funnier and more entertaining than at least 90% of movies

[@Dragonage2ftw]

It isn’t, though. It’s a cringe fest.

[@charlestonks5005]

Dragonage2ftw explain why the star destroyers can’t fly UP

[@alexgyongyosi5774]

I was thinking the same thing. Honestly, I'd much rather pay to see this than the actual movie

[@jagnestormskull3178]

@@Dragonage2ftw Explain why the Sith Eternal fleet, a fleet of cutting edge star destroyers, can't fly up.

[@johnnywilkerson8834]

The dagger thing had me literally laughing out loud. Are they for real? Even an adventure game from the nineties would call bullshit on that puzzle solution. Did they get the game and movie scripts mixed up?

[@viscountrainbows6452]

It makes me nostalgic for text adventure games. I'm fucking garbage at text adventures but that kinda moon logic is probably where they got it. And there's a reason those kinds of games are extremely niche😹

[@KneelB4Bacon]

The movie is practically a video game script. Event trigger: _* Rey heals the giant worm and triggers the cave opening sequence *_ Fetch Quests: _* Our heroes needs a McMuffin that leads to another McMuffin that leads to the Quest Achievement McMuffin *_ First Person RPG, (Only YOU are Competent): _* "Rey Does Everything!" *_ The Stumbling, Bumbling NPC Sidekick: _* Finn *_ Not Without the KEY! A minor, hard-to-find NPC has the key that controls your progression through the game: _* Zori Bliss *_ Recycling Characters: _* Knights of Ren. Sith Troopers *_

[@gregket]

Jar Jar Abarams was watching The Goonies when he came up with that part of the script.

[@MisterRandomEncounter]

Seirra Games: Allow us to introduce ourselves.

[@PubstarHero]

@@MisterRandomEncounter Why did you have to bring them up. I still have traumatic dreams from the "Find the single pixel on the screen that moves the plot forward" puzzle.

[@00Boogie]

I think part of the problem is this movie like others in this day and age can only do melodrama or snark. Engaging any kind of normal, let alone nuanced, human emotion is no in their wheelhouse.

[@MariaIsabellaZNN]

I call it the "Stark Snark". Thanks, Iron Man.

[@00Boogie]

Joss Whedon was the guy who really popularised that, but this trend of "humor" was a natural progression of where entertainment was going.

[@hashvendetta7226]

A movie being aware of itself, is a death sentence, for entertainment, unless the entire movie is plotted around that premise. Starwars travels in and out of that, without care.

[@SacredLiquid]

Holy, commas, bat, man.

[@toasega]

@@SacredLiquid I, don't, think, you, u,n,d,e,r,s,t,a,n,d, how, commas, work..,.,..,..,.,.,.,.,,.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......,,..,.,.,.,.

[@bourbonchicken]

JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson hate each other's movies, and they did not hold back in any way.

[@powerpinch]

To be fair, they're both right in thinking the other's movies are shit.

[@BluePhoenix_]

@@powerpinch jj: Copy, Paste, Delete good parts, everything x100, done Rian: Lol it's not what you thought YOLO! Blblbblblbl! Gotcha!

[@viscountrainbows6452]

We watched two ostensibly grown men have an action figure fight with a beloved franchise to the tune of billions of dollars crisscrossing the globe, and Disney just watched it happen like "Nah it'll be fine"😹

[@noble14]

@@viscountrainbows6452 20:25 F star wars rip is spagetti

[@mitchellhorton9382]

It's crazy to me that Kennedy would hire two polar opposite directors to direct back to back movies in a series Rian and JJ fundamentally make movies differently; Rian had no chance to make sense out of the ten million fake teasers JJ set up And JJ loves his cliche plot twists which Rian's whole movie was mocking

[@ayberkyigit4795]

can make a planet-destroying laser but cannot make gyroscopic instruments so ships can go up. Fucken brilliant

[@morscoronam3779]

Yeah, build 999 Star Destroyers instead of 1000 and use the material you save to make a fleet that ACTUALLY WORKS.

[@ИванСнежков-з9й]

The Irony is that these planet-destroyers could just shoot the planet and blow it up. No need to go up, just blow it up.

[@skirk248]

Doesn't even give them something to drop

[@Ramsey276one]

DO NOT SKIP STEPS ON THE TECH TREES!!!

[@Bopperann]

That's his fault for outsourcing his factories. Damn bootleg Star Forges.

[@BertzTriscut]

How the hell did Rey get a reverse character arc? Seriously, play the movies backwards, and it somehow makes sense. She would start off fantasising about being someone else, get sucked into a violent adventure that she thought she wanted and then lash out at other people because she's angry that the adventure she wanted was actually horrible. Then in TLJ, she would be confused about herself and her role, and seek out a master to teach her. Finally in TFA, she uses her abilities to help others while not throwing a tantrum, finding inner peace to save others and then have a good excuse for why she's good at everything. Finally, it ends with the imagery of Jakku, where she misses the adventure, but is now content to stay at home having had her fill. Correct me if I'm wrong or feel free to add to this.

[@wiwaxiasilver827]

@BertzTriscut - This... this is legit...

[@iona2225]

SUBVERSION! *throws confetti up*

[@lordodysseus]

FUCK! (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

[@kylemajerczyk8160]

BertzTriscut Wow that...actually sounds pretty awesome. That’d be a good fanfic

[@BertzTriscut]

@@kylemajerczyk8160 Thanks, man. That means a lot. I mean, it's not hard to beat hollywood these days, but it does make me feel good about my writing. Thank you.

[@DesolationAngel101]

Finn: "Where the white woman at?"

[@SmashFinale]

"Stop asking questions!"

[@pdzombie1906]

HiIarious Blazing Saddles reference... respect!

[@F1rstWorldNomaD]

Came here from Maulers Star Wars video? 🤣

[@Dragonage2ftw]

Huh?

[@Vaultboy101]

Black guy lusting after the unattainable white women. So Colonial, so progressive.

[@KneelB4Bacon]

6:38 _"Meanwhile, Rey abuses their hospitality by stealing one of their boats."_ And has little problems sailing it to her destination in seas that even the locals won't risk sailing in. Throw "Expert Sailing Skills" on the big pile of "Stuff Rey Just Knows How To Do, Now." (Especially, when you consider that she's from a DESERT planet).

[@jadon7702]

That's what I was thinking. When did some random scavenger from a planet that is completely covered by a fucking desert gonna know about boats, let alone use one with expert precision.

[@tudoraragornofgreyscot8482]

@@jadon7702 ummm, sand dune sailing?

[@jadon7702]

@@tudoraragornofgreyscot8482 Lol

[@wiezyczkowata]

locals who were locals for not even a year (depending when they left the FO) and had enough time to come up with ships and how to sail them (does FO teach how to sail?) and why would they go to Deathstar wreckage in the first place?

[@free_at_last8141]

The last time I was this early, Star Wars wasn't awful.

[@russellharrell2747]

free_at_last 1980?

[@Mankepanke]

That's so sad. Alexa, when was the Star Wars Christmas Special aired?

[@christopherbeaty3195]

@@russellharrell2747 Revenge of the sith is good

[@jaytender4949]

Russell Harrell Don't you mean 1983? Return of the Jedi is my favourite Star Wars movie

[@manolgeorgiev9664]

When Clone Wars season 6 was airing?

[@mr.gorgenchuck6501]

I love that the “One in a million shot...” comment makes it entirely certain that Holdo was just trying to get the hell out of there and fucked up spectacularly...”

[@HyperMoeMan]

I know right.

[@josh-kg1rb]

So this makes holdo a coward and a traitor

[@Nine-Oh-Five]

@@josh-kg1rb "TAKE HER AWAY!"

[@Janx14]

If its a one in a million, why were the crew on the ships worried when she went to do it?

[@josh-kg1rb]

@@Janx14 maybe cuz if it didn't work the transports would have all been destroyed and everyone would be dead

[@quad9363]

Those poor child soldiers.

[@Seaz333]

"In the aaarms of an angel..."

[@johnivanoplimo5172]

F.

[@sleep170]

**jet packers crashing and exploding**

[@KneelB4Bacon]

It's too bad Disney couldn't be bothered to develop Finn's character. The point of view of a former stormtrooper could have been fascinating. Finn has inside knowledge not only of First Order technology but of the conditioning and horrible lives that stormtroopers must endure. It would have given us something to think about while our heroes were mowing them down like wheat. But Disney felt it was more important to make Finn Rey's stumbling, bumbling sidekick. What a waste.

[@death-king1834]

They should have just been clones. Born and grown to be obedient drones for the First Order. That way it wouldn't seem nearly as illogical how the First Order can just kidnap children from who knows how many worlds and face no universal backlash from the Republic or the worlds they snatched them from. Nor would there need to be any confliction that our "heroes" are essentially murdering brainwashed child slaves. Then again the First Order was just one of many things that weren't thought out in the long run of the Sequels.

[@SolracNexus]

Message of the movie: "be proud of who you are" Rey Palpatine: "I'm a skywalker"

[@KneelB4Bacon]

Rey: "I've stolen Luke's lightsaber. I've stolen his ship. I've stolen his home. And now I've stolen his name. Everything he did was for nothing and Palpatine has won." Well, that's pretty horrifying. Thanks, Disney.

[@TheEDFLegacy]

@Carlos Why am I hearing that "I'm a Skywalker" quote in the "I'm in danger!" voice?

[@euanstewart4563]

Well, if you want to be technical, then Rey and Luke are cousins, seeing as Palpatine created Annakin through the force, meaning that Annakin is essentially Palp's son and Luke is Palp's grandson. This all still makes no sense though.

[@timis2926]

@@euanstewart4563 *Anakin

[@lieutenantjacobin]

@@euanstewart4563 No. Im pretty sure Plagueis created Anakin.

[@powwowken2760]

Stop asking questions literally this entire trilogy summed up perfectly

[@bryanneideffer3969]

I, we, have a question....I'm sorry those aren't allowed right now please sit in the waiting room until we find out ourselves!

[@viscountrainbows6452]

今すぐ質問するのはやめて: A Star Wars Story* *story not included, moving parts may be choking hazard for brainlets of all ages

[@ForceMaximus84]

Consume: A Star Wars Story

[@magatetus]

KK: "The Rise of Skywalker doesn't answer anything."

[@LucyWest370]

PowWow Ken TFA wasn’t that bad

[@darthdaddy3071]

For a perfect, jesus-like character, whose main goal is "doing the right thing" Rey sure is good at murdering people in cold blood.

[@tulakhord9492]

You sound like a respectable Sith Lord.

[@eddiebruv]

It’s funny that in the original films the Death Star was considered the most important target, due to it being able to destroy planets. Now they have Star Destroyers capable of the same thing and that’s just ‘normal’ now, apparently.

[@kalashnikovdevil]

You know, bringing an EU superweapon out might have been cool. The Suncrusher. Super smol, super novas stars. Escalates without being the size of a moon, etc.

[@Slender_Man_186]

TwoHeavens actually, the Eclipse would’ve been in the movie... had they not fired the original director who was making “Ep IX: Duel of the Fates”

[@pando2333]

Slender Man 186 is there any story for this out? Like whered you find that out

[@Slender_Man_186]

Pando I originally found out about it here, but I think I got the Eclipse info from a different source that only mentioned this version of Ep9: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eaS3kIqkbrSjrac

[@ND62511]

I don’t know how the characters aren’t in a state of continuous panic; this is basically the real world equivalent of being able to buy WMDs on Amazon.

[@SmashFinale]

You missed a chance to say Virgin Mary Sue Rey.

[@Ramsey276one]

Wasn't that how it says in the script?

[@hothotheat3000]

Dude, Kylo died a virgin. Poor bastard. His ghost dad gets more ass, FFS.

[@masturchief]

X to doubt on the virgin part. She's like, 20. and she was all over Kylo within about 5 short conversations. You KNOW she was getting some on Jakku

[@whenthemusicsover6028]

*Virgin MahRey Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue

[@katya261]

Love how they gave Finn a female version of himself as a love interest

[@apocolototh1948]

32:50 "Howdy Rey." - "You!"- "Thats right! Palpatine Sithdome, Owner of the Sithdale Sithdome and developer of the Sithdale stardestroyer acres!"

[@kossend1]

Damn I had missed Mark Hamill's voice tremor in trying to keep a straight face. Fan-bloody-tastic

[@easilydisgruntled]

"I'm every voice that's ever been inside your head" ... Also speaks to dead Han Solo ...wait what

[@KneelB4Bacon]

Wouldn't finding out that Palpatine has been manipulating him the entire time make Kylo Ren re-examine every decision he's ever made in his life?

[@stretchscreamers]

oh yeah

[@davidhoffman6980]

How did I not catch this? You're right. He should be very skeptical of voices in his head after this.

[@chip5892]

Catzilla Nah.

[@arikutin1032]

@@KneelB4Bacon Honestly, that could've made a more believable catalyst for Kylo's redemption. He could start out questioning the revelation, like "you... you were manipulating me? This whole time!?" He attacks Palpatine in rage, only to be literally brought to his knees by Palpatine's force. Palps says something like, "it is too late for regret. The Dark Side IS your destiny now. Bring me the girl, kill her in front of me. Prove yourself worthy of ruling the galaxy!" Then, after the Rey lineage reveal, she and Kylo have another BS diad call, and they talk. Kylo confesses his insecurities. "Everything I fought to become was a lie... but the rage is all I know anymore. I can't leave now. Join me, and we'll avenge your parents." Maybe Rey can try comforting (manipulating) Kylo back to the light. Idk. Finally, after their final fight on the Death Star, Rey stays with Kylo. Kylo lies there, beaten. "I want to destroy Palpatine. It's all I have left." Rey says something typically Mary Sue, like, "destroying him in hate won't end his legacy. I see that now. We need to defeat him in the light, or this will never end." Kylo's anger and desire for revenge against Palpatine could make him a good foil for Rey, who also wants to kill Palpatine out of revenge. Kylo could show Rey what she's becoming, and by beating him with the light, she realizes she's heading down the wrong path, and is even able to save Kylo from it. Is this perfect? Not in the slightest. But I made it up on the fly, and I say it's leagues beyond what we got.

[@ZombieSquab]

Palpatine: "Dew Eet!" Rey: 9:03 Yep, she's a Palpatine.

[@Foreststrike]

Hahaha, like father like daughter.

[@russellharrell2747]

MW2366 *granddaughter

[@frozztie7511]

Ep 7-9 was made by a guy who seems to think space balls was the original starwars..

[@cannabishornliu6119]

Even Spaceballs is more Canon Star Wars than the Sequels. The prequels are still bad (except Episode 3) but in comparison to the sequels they are clearly the better movies! Even some lines in the sequels are so much worse than the prequels! Prequels: I don't like sand! Sequels: They fly now?! (-Finn, former storm trooper of the first order)

[@theDAVIScomplex]

Finally someone said it 🙌🏾

[@theDAVIScomplex]

Comb the desert for a good story. "WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT"

[@ForceMaximus84]

Two guys and a girl, but yeah.

[@NexusKin]

Actually they were made by two manbabies who hated each other's movies and did their hardest to ruin their predecessor at the expense of the franchise!

[@CRIMI0N]

24:24 Rags: "If force ghosts can do these things; what's the point in being alive?"

[@morscoronam3779]

Such a wise doggo. They say if you turn out the lights at midnight and say his name with at least 3 apostrophes, R'a'g'''''''s will appear and say Hello!

[@austin9568AuraMasterDX]

@@morscoronam3779 More like he'll *BELCH* in your face

[@kalashnikovdevil]

What's the point in being dead for that matter?

[@kalashnikovdevil]

What's the point in being dead for that matter?

[@KneelB4Bacon]

Better yet, what's the advantage of being alive? Force ghosts are immune to death, can call down lightning strikes from the sky and can manipulate objects in the real world. Why aren't they fighting Palpatine and the First Order?

[@sanctificate6285]

The sequel trilogy just kills all of the hero’s from the original trilogy in the lamest way. Han is killed by his own evil son who hates him and is notorious for killing people Luke, the most powerful force user in the galaxy (until Mary Sue) just dies because “he ran out of force” And Leia just dies

[@robesch88]

Actually Leia dies to give the opportunity to Rey to kill her son.

[@TankHunter678]

@@robesch88 Depends, one interpretation is that Leia dies because Rey stabbed Kylo and overloaded the force connection Leia established to try to talk some sense into her son. Making Rey her murderer. With how the movie is cut it actually seems the most likely explanation. Sure there was a throw away line that it would take her the rest of her strength but that does not necessarily mean that the act of doing a force call to Kylo would kill Leia. The shock of a lethal stab wound resounding through their link very well could though.

[@TankHunter678]

@Abu Qital Simple unlike Rey, a Mary Sue with near limitless amounts of power as the plot demands, Leia has limits. Just like every other force user in the star wars universe has limits. Leia was pushing herself to connect across a massive amount of distance to her son and with what had been established by the movie itself and The Last Jedi senses, feelings, and more can be shared across the connection. Leia though would have a limit on how much she could withstand over the connection. Her connection could be overloaded, unlike Rey and Kylo who could literally teleport objects or have a lightsaber duel through such a connection. So the idea that the connection can be overloaded is one that makes logical sense, after all it is pushing Leia well beyond her limits killing her in the process with a sensory overload followed by shock and the recoil through the force. You know, just like how in Legends there was a Jedi who had the collective force strength of an entire Jedi Academy focused through him so he could do one force push to send a fleet of Star Destroyers flying to a nearby system and died from performing that action.

[@F1rstWorldNomaD]

In an actual military hierarchy Poe would be a captain *at best...* And he is leaps and bounds ahead of Finn. Finn being a general is a bigger joke than the Twilight saga.

[@DamazViccar]

He's the diversity hire.

[@F1rstWorldNomaD]

@@DamazViccar Never heard of a flat out diversity hire for any high ranking position even in regular businesses, mostly its people who *would* have been qualified but has been poisoned by SJW ideology. Finn is not even remotely qualified even if he was the most sane person alive, he fails on combat experience alone not to mention strategic planing and grasping the bigger picture. He is irrational and mostly very reactive instead of proactive. Hmm 🤔 I guess this only strengthen your argument, really... I just shot down any other possible argument for his promotion, lol 🤣

[@khosrowzare8301]

Well to be fair, seeing as Holdo was the top resistance general after Lia in TLJ, they probably don't have that many options left. The next in line after Finn is probably Rose freaking Tico.

[@F1rstWorldNomaD]

@@khosrowzare8301 good point, lol 🤣👍

[@mp5284]

@@F1rstWorldNomaD then you dont get to pursue lists of executives on a regular basis even in countries where such hiring is not legally required you see diversity hires in high places all the time

[@stonetic2515]

C3PO's eyes turned red because red is the Official Color of Evil (TM)

[@an8strengthkobold360]

@Francesco Adonay honestly they may just call him evil c3po

[@KneelB4Bacon]

JJ need to make sure he was reaching those dummies in the back seats of the movie theater.

[@wiictvchannel1112]

@Francesco Adonay They could if they had any intent on making action figures for their movies anymore after Solo/TLJ toy sales were bunk. And "Sith C-3PO" would be a perfect example of a peg warmer XD

[@wiictvchannel1112]

@Francesco Adonay Oh yeah, they knew what they were doing with Baby Yoda lol! And ahh, the good old days when you could get Hammerhead figures that were in the movie for a second. Now, you get 30 Reys and 30 Jyn Ersos!

[@an8strengthkobold360]

@@wiictvchannel1112 stop trying to force them down our throats, no body wants them.

[@nb-pl1zj]

Fin needs social distancing

[@F1rstWorldNomaD]

Atleast Rose could take a hint. Finn is just plain negligent. 🤣

[@jhess6406]

Man your editing is great sitch. Top notch

[@theDAVIScomplex]

Dude I was thinking the same thing! Plus a Frisky Dingo reference is always a +1 from me

[@cinderheart2720]

The dagger is like a Myst puzzle, only without actual logic. Its like how you remember Myst puzzles that you couldn't solve as a kid.

[@khosrowzare8301]

The dagger is like the monkey wrench puzzle from the first (or was it second) monkey island game.

[@vladimirlobel2082]

Or the medallion from Goonies

[@joshuabuckle1216]

You know how they release extra information from things like the visual dictionary? In it its revealed that the Deathstar wreckage is constantly being eroded by the water, mean the dagger matches a future version of the wreckage and that means the assassin couldn't even use it

[@MS-fk3tw]

This just makes it worse.

[@joshuabuckle1216]

@@MS-fk3tw it's kinda impressive how the writers keep find new ways to make it worse

[@95keat]

It's like they're actively trying to make the movie worse

[@randid7978]

Maybe they’re trying to push it over the edge so we all collectively can block it out of canon

[@peterparker9214]

Don’t you also find it magical that their is no mention of main villain of the movie in the visual dictionary as well....almost as if they pulled it out their ass and have no explanation for his being there....

[@normalhuman1825]

Does anyone consider the Disney Star Wars movies cannon?

[@pezdispencer113]

The only way these movies are in cannon is if that cannon is aimed at the sun.

[@Knights_of_the_Nine]

People are so weird. Canon is totally and completely up to you. Why anyone cares what has an official stamp is beyond me.

[@CousinBowling]

No they are incapable of being canon. I don't "consider" them non-canon. They just simply aren't because they break all the rules of the universe.

[@religiousotaku9926]

Dark empire, Kyle katarn and his story and heir of the Jedi are canon after return of the Jedi.....not these movies

[@jonnyOysters]

I think the argument of them being just extremely large budget fan fiction is correct.

[@LeglessWonder]

"You're just a memory" "Your memory" Oh good. I try not to remember other people's memories

[@KneelB4Bacon]

It also means that Han didn't forgive Kylo because he wasn't actually there. Kylo forgave himself.

[@dyland1842]

@@KneelB4Bacon kylo kills his own family, and then redeems himself by forgiving himself

[@isplat927]

@@dyland1842 It would have been better if it was Anakin showing up, not Han showing up because Memory or whatever, and the whole destroy the past thing? Why does he still have Vader's helmet? Why does he reconstruct his own helmet? Why couldn't they have Anakin make up to his own grandson for not communicating with him when he needed it the most?

[@dyland1842]

@@isplat927 yeah that would be way better, and it's not even his own dad forgiving him, it's himself, he's basically just saying "oh I did alot of horrible things but it's okay because I think it is"

[@hebthealien]

@@isplat927 *THIS* JJ destroys my hopes and dreams by not making Anakin "The Chosen One" Skywalker played by Hayden Christensen show up in TROS and it's the biggest insult he ever gave me

[@rade-blunner7824]

Damn, that Event Horizon gag took me by surprise, nicely done. I don't know how in the hell you watch enough stuff and remember enough stuff to source all the clips you cram into your videos. It's mind boggling.

[@NiebaumCurran]

It just needed the Dr Weir scream as icing on the cake.

[@viscountrainbows6452]

Terrabyte hard drives of references all at his fingertits

[@pando2333]

I thought that too lol like its amazing how he just thinks of all these references for the right time

[@Le-cp9tr]

Finn: Simp for Rey Rey: Simp for Kylo Kylo: Simp for Vader Dio: Simp for Darth Pucci

[@funbro99]

LIAR... pucci is simp for Dio.

[@patrickfrost9405]

The fuck does simp mean?

[@Le-cp9tr]

Patrick Frost Sucker Idolizing Mediocre Pussy

[@patrickfrost9405]

@@Le-cp9tr ... jesus christ I hate Reddit memes. It's the China of the internet.

[@nillynush4899]

Pucci sucks Dio dong dude

[@erikhasler]

I remember when I was young, and naive... and still hopeful that there would, one day, be a Portal 3... I miss those days

[@NexusKin]

What about Half Life 3? That's even more important!

[@dicedt9783]

If only. I love the portal series. I would love a portal 3. But to be honest, what else is there to say in the story?

[@erikhasler]

@@dicedt9783 I've racked my brain on that, and... you're actually right.

[@dicedt9783]

Erik Hasler I mean, they could bring Wheatley back but they did that with Glados already

[@erikhasler]

@@dicedt9783 GladOS would HAVE to come back, she's a staple. I think the hard part is figuring out why the woman (I forgot the name) would return. And how to make Ratman(?) relevant to the conclusion of THAT game. She could even battle with Peabody and Atlas to portal them into some dangerous thing, like an incinerator... IDK

[@ProgrammedForDamage]

"For some reason" is the running theme through this movie.

[@death-king1834]

When I first saw Force Awakens, I never once thought: ''Hey I really hope Rey gets together with the violet parent murdering psychopath by the end''. I never thought we'd get a romance worse then the Anakin/Padme one from the Prequels. At least that, as poorly written as it was served a purpose. This literally makes no god damn sense. Fuck this has even trounced freaking Twilight now as the worst love story ever.

[@grassrootsdictator5701]

The emperors true secret weapon is seizure lightning

[@krimsonkarma8412]

The boomer blast

[@thesneakymemedealer5071]

@@krimsonkarma8412 the boomer doomer

[@alexmelling5261]

Mom can we get E:R? No we have E;R at home E;R at home:

[@Emanthebald]

I prefer this brand so far

[@Stad122]

I see this as a total win!

[@wotertool]

E;R at home does suffice, but after this epidemic, I want E;R in the cinema again ...

[@TheOrangeRoad]

Diet E;R

[@Luey_Luey]

mom said yes today

[@fruitfcker5351]

To all those about to comment: . . . . . STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!

[@mitchkeller5055]

That Cosby reference had me pissing my pantaloons

[@TheLunacyofOurTimes]

I had to stop watching for a minute because I was laughing so hard when the other ghost daddy showed up.

[@rurilavulpe7469]

"Ray chan please kill me senpai" That got me good LOL 33:33

[@Nocturnalux]

Rey za Burrel.

[@qualifiedidiots2165]

Laia: At the end of my training, my son dies. Smart person: So don't end your training.

[@fightingmedialounge519]

So just stall.

[@ForceMaximus84]

Seriously, but of Ben’s parents failed him for no reason.

[@RogueFox2185]

Star Wars: Goonies Edition

[@austin9568AuraMasterDX]

Rogue Fox Babo Frick:Aaaaay you guuuuys!

[@bryanneideffer3969]

Even though Goonies is light years better than this remake? Wannabe?

[@anomaloushost4865]

1:50 "Then, the dumbest thing ever happens." Oh come on, how is it going to top anything that Disney has already done to the franchise? 2:00 ... I need a drink.

[@cue0987]

lol half of these videos are just clips of " stop asking questions"

[@johannesseyfried7933]

Wait! Why would Babu even send a Message to the Endor System and ask People to help Rey and the others? Did he KNOW there were former Stormtroopers on that Moon? I haven't read the Sequel Books, but I don't think Endor or its Moons have Species on them that developed past the Stone Age. There probably is that imperial Bunker on the Forest-Moon, but who knows if it's Com-Systems still work. If it had any to begin with.

[@mufasas111]

Im still waiting for an e;r upload But youll do for now

[@iamthewizardwhoknocks2845]

That's racist. Ding.

[@doopdoopdopdop7424]

I just realized “Leia’s” saber is the stock saber in Vader Immortal.

[@phaedrus2764]

I so love the Jo Jo dance you practiced and learned so perfectly Sitch.

[@nucl3ar_snake]

Dude, the whole "Palpatine is actually Wheatley" thing makes so much sense it hurts. I hate this movie.

[@HeirofDacia]

I still don't understand how people defend Rey as a character. Do they actually not listen to anyone who explains what a character arc is? Do they think her power, plot armour, being loved by everyone actually makes sense?

[@0seraphic]

The droid slave revenge bit made me laugh in a way I've never laughed before

[@AggressivelyMediocre]

Did Star Wars suddenly think Jedi were Highlanders??

[@DeNamETae]

They took the Sith Rule of Two and thought that it included Jedi xD

[@coolstorybro8811]

You know, seeing how the ships still work even after all that time underground or submerged in water or something...Star Wars has some pretty damn sturdy ships, even if they can't go up without the Force...

[@gododoof]

Maybe physics is just kinder in their universe. Any metal construct of that size would tear itself apart due to its own mass in reality.

[@TankHunter678]

@@gododoof The Death Star wreck would likely be miles underwater in a massive gulf sized crater it created just from landing.

[@TheElizander]

9:13 Rey begins her assault by doing two horizontal slashes at Kylo's head, missing both strikes by a land slide. Yet Kylo feels the need to do a dodging motion that involves shrinking his stomach, rather than ducking or anything that imvolves his head.

[@darkma1ice]

General Finn makes General Jar Jar look like Malcom X

[@Mobius118]

I can’t stop watching these. I know every movie has flaws but the level of imperfection in this movie is... astounding to say the least

[@ZM7241994]

With how much Finn is simping for Rey in Rise of the Skywalker, I'm surprised it didn't end with him becoming Rey's live-in butler/chauffeur just so he can be around her.

[@morscoronam3779]

Referencing "A Serious Business Meeting" (I hope I'm remembering the name, and may the original upload rest in peace) with the spatula people reveals to me that PSA is truly a man of culture.

[@meh3277]

Dude, just make an abridged The glados is amazing. and wheatly killed me.

[@CrazySpaceshipAnimations]

Anakin: trained by 2 jedi, learned from his peers, raised a padawan and stuck to his instincts causing order 66 Luke: starts of childish but learns from yoda and becomes a wiser imperfect jedi Rey: "AnYtHiNg YoU cAn Do I cAn Do BeTtEr!"

[@PureLightning811]

Evil Rey lightsaber is one of the most ridiculous things ever

[@KneelB4Bacon]

I'm trying to remember if there's a single moment in the entire trilogy where Rey did something even mildly unpleasant. It's hard to convince us with "Look out! Rey's got a DARK SIDE" if we don't believe that's ever possible.

[@PureLightning811]

Catzilla she yelled at Bb8 that’s literally the darkest thing she’s done other than almost kill Chewie

[@banonymous6790]

Catzilla very good point. Back to sexist JJ: even a female who never ever does one thing remotely wrong still doesn’t love herself and doesn’t think she’s worthy. Low confidence and second-guessing herself constantly…

[@GHL24845]

nothing will ever beat the inquisitor helicopter blades

[@patrickkilroy6512]

The Wheatley dialogue is too perfect. It's like it was written with this film in mind.

[@trumpisacrybabydictatornar914]

OK the reason the emperor wanted Ray to kill him so he could take her body , that whole plot came from the game “Star Wars the old republic” In the game the evil old guy need you the player to commit evil acts this way it’ll lines your spirit to his own so I guess JJ Abrams tried stealing that plot from the video game and putting it in this movie without any explanation unless you played the video game

[@terellchapman8737]

As a prequel lover I’m offended that you would relate our logic to that of Disney. Padme died because Palpatine was persevering Anakin...Vader’s life. Leia died for reasons

[@fightingmedialounge519]

That's more speculation.

[@cratonorogen9208]

Bullshit 🤣

[@a.inesfidalgo3367]

Broken heart syndrome is a real thing, no need to dig deeper

[@alvarohernani6645]

When Sponge Bob has a more intelligent solution than the actual movie

[@wilkoweers_8612]

This is literally the best review ever made hands down

[@Raphael_Bizmann]

All those starships with Exterminatus capabilities and they only blow up one planet. Absolute waste

[@Doomsday_Report]

23:37 It gets better, she knew her journey ended with her son dying, so she quit being a Jedi (understandable I guess) but handed her Saber to Luke so he could give it to someone that would finish the journey in her place, the journey that ends in her son dying, the journey she quit to spare her son's life, successfully kicking the can down the road a whole 15-ish years and leaving it to someone else to sort out.

[@figjam9530]

why is the droids name spelled DIO? it's a droid, surely it would be D-O. if his name is supposed to be spelled DIO, that's dumb, like a rainbow in the dark. (badum-tish)

[@thedrunkronin4550]

It's because it's a jojo reference😏

[@bartekenterprice5086]

28:02 So that means that Holdo was actually trying to escape?

[@clarkkent4245]

Space Wizards: The Legend of Rey Sue😂

[@AL0G1C]

19:31 "who even are you" i lost it there lmao

[@LucyWest370]

It makes sense that he would make finding the way finder overly complicated by having get the knife, read the knife, get the code, stand in one spot at that one planet, then pop out the knife, look for the Death Star ruins, and match it up to find the part of the wreckage where the sith way finder was. In attack of the clones palpating sent out a dude, who hired a dude, who hired a shapeshifter, who sent out a robot, who sent out eels, to infiltrate and kill padme.

[@bartekenterprice5086]

This movie is called "Rise of the Skywalker" while it kills all skywalkers (Ben, Leia and Luke) and the only force user that is left is palpatine...

[@daltondavis4093]

Fin freaks out and does the only thing he's done for every movie in this dumb franchise..." WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

[@thedjarinclan7989]

"No character is perfect at first, and they shouldn't be perfect at first. Because if a character starts out perfect, well then there is nowhere for this character to go." - Ashley Eckstein, voice of Ahsoka Tano

[@socialjihad5724]

I love that there was a kung pow clip in this...

[@krowtic6807]

JJ stole the whole "Become emperor/empress to control the fleet and end the war" thing from the Knights of the Eternal Throne expansion of SW:TOR. Except it was done much better there than it was in this garbage tier movie.

[@ForceMaximus84]

Krowtic And he ripped off the Palpatine is a Clone and is creating a new army bit from Dark Empire.

[@PebkioNomare]

I simply cannot get enough of Wheatley Palpatine. I can't believe I haven't seen it before now.

[@BryonLape]

The merchandise for these movies is not selling. The Spaceballs line now needs to be "Where the real money from the movie is lost."

[@TheJadeFist]

31:39 A better question is, since when in the hell could you jam speeders? Was that ever a thing?

[@justafan9399]

Episode 6: _Return of the Jedi._ There’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment when Luke tells Leia to use their speeder-bike’s console to jam the fleeing Scout Trooper’s comms.

[@TheJadeFist]

@@justafan9399 There's a big difference though between jamming like radio/ equivalent communications and jamming, a hover craft hovering.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

When Sayo-nara kicked in during the Plothole Event Horizon bit, did anyone else imagine Palpatine hanging lifelessly from his life support thing in Sayori's room?

[@Divadtube]

Some thing about this does make me sad, that awesome hilarious sound bite "So Long Suckers! Ha Ha HA!" Is Phil Hartman, who was so giftedly God damn funny. There's a tragedy for ya. Miss ya Phil.

[@BigsisterFTW]

It was indeed, DIO!

[@nickbruce6859]

I like how rey violently attacked someone out of anger despite being a "jedi"

[@miram8105]

I love these Portal 2 audios😂

[@Tsukiakarix]

"when i remember something... *whisper* I dont literally hallucinate it" lmao

[@isaiahphillip4112]

A smaller but still pertinent question, is nobody going to ask what the general dude meant when he said "Jam their speeders" but it was space horses? I've heard of jamming comms, but has it ever been established in universe that you can just remotely "jam" a speeder?

[@jadeatrophis]

32:30 34:36 36:09 These Portal references are perfect.

[@rwinger2481]

Honest Trailers did the same joke. "One of them died two movies ago and is so over this franchise, he wouldn't even get a haircut to cameo as a memory". "Cut off my mane!"

[@SuperKillJoy15]

I like the use of portal 2 music, also the video

[@plumbussmith]

What are those sound bites from? The "could you just jump into that pit the please? Forgot your parents are down there."

[@freedomsglory1]

24:16 you missed that the ship shown in the water in the last movie was a different model ship in this movie. But Merchandizing!!!

[@ALEXANDER1318]

An imperator class star destroyer does not have the power output required to power a superlaser. It does not need it either. It can glass the surface of a planet in a few hours, easy. It makes no sense to build a fleet of planet killers. It also has a crew of 50.000, who all need clothing and food.

[@MasonRoyce]

Yet to see the movie, and after seeing this review I am soooo damn glad I haven’t paid Disney a cent for this horseshit.

[@irresponsiblecaptain851]

PSA: Babu Frick letting the random ex-storm troopers on the moon of endor know that rey and co. were coming means he knew they needed to go there for some reason - Babu knew where the wayfinder was the whole time. Deepest lore or shit writing?

[@EssexEx]

He was there when C-3PO started talking though

[@EssexEx]

He was there when C-3PO started talking though

[@irresponsiblecaptain851]

@@EssexEx ah yeah u right