Why Your Family Isn’t Blending 😓 | Family Therapist

[@TakaMitsukai]

This might sound weird, but nobody ever talks about blended families where the children are adults. My dad remarried recently. It's a phenomenal thing for him to find love after mom passed away so long ago. But, for me--his daughter--it feels like I've lost my last parent. He doesn't spend time (alone) with me and his new wife doesn't give us time when I call. She has all of his time and attention. I'd just like to have lunch or dinner with him by himself once a quarter. All of us daughters have taken a step back in an effort to create space and are little bit shut out in the process. It feels like a stupid request as grown *** woman, but it can't be too out of line...right? There's so little research out there and trust me I have been looking. Can we talk about that?

[@StephAnya]

I don’t think it’s weird at all. My dad and I actually got married in the same year, so I understand that the needs are different in some ways as an adult and at the same time there are a lot of similarities! I’ll think about how I can make a video more specific to blended families with adults. Thank you for sharing!

[@jessieperson]

This is a great point! I was 19 years old when my dad started spending most of his time with his then-girlfriend (now wife) less than a year after he and my mom separated. I was still living with my dad and going to community college at that time. It felt like a lot for me, and I still felt like a kid in many ways. I was technically an adult, but...I felt like it was so much change to process at once...from my parents separating, to moving out of my childhood home and into a small apartment in a different city, to a new college. And my dad was really frustrated with me for not just being happy for him.

[@edbrown5956]

Not weird at all it's similar to when my parents got divorced. I was about your age and for the first time in my life I got to actually bond with my dad. We became close and we were never real close. Then he met his gf now wife and is back to people pleasing and has a full schedule. When I spend time with him I feel bad because his life is now so busy. Sorry about your mom that must make it so much worse then my situation.

[@shukriyyahmurchison681]

​@Steph Anya, LMFT have you spoken to your dad about how you feel

[@daniellechenault3025]

This the truth !! Going through these videos I’m kinda mad at my dad that he allowed such foolery. Now I’m grown with a blended family and I’m just like why did my dad go this route. It doesn’t have to be a struggle . And their no comparison between his wife & me. We’re not in competition 🤦🏽‍♀️.

[@makelamims1921]

Thank you so much a wonderful video. I'm an LMFT who specializes in blended families; this topic is so important. Our children were teens and young adults when my husband and I met so we had to attend to older children and we are still working at it and it's coming along bit by bit.

[@sweetie9559]

As a child of divorce and dealing with both sides of the family now very blended, im really interested in this topic

[@kweaver12]

Wow! As a child who grew up in a blended family, these really resonate. It's interesting looking back on my life and seeing how these points existed, even from my parents' point of view.

[@StephAnya]

I’m so glad that it resonated for you!

[@WillieRichJr]

THIS IS AMAZING KNOWLEDGE. Wish I had this knowledge at the beginning of my blended family. I did THE EXACT opposite of this advice. Trying to regroup and do BLENDED families well! It’s not the same as on blended families. Thank you!

[@jackied6283]

Can you consider doing an episode with blended adult children?

[@itssimple114]

That’s definitely necessary… that’s specifically what I am looking for

[@sairacarmona1086]

@@itssimple114 yes!!! Great topic! 🎉 that would be so helpful.

[@RosePowell-s6k]

Jip and if they are 28 and lazy to go work. And dont show respect. 😢

[@RosePowell-s6k]

Jip and how to handle a 28 years old and never whant to go work. They playing games at night and sleeps during the day.

[@janai8874]

Thank you so much for the information in this video. I am in a relationship with my partner of 2.5 years and his nearly 14-year old daughter, and we are looking for houses at the moment. One of this biggest things I have been practicing is my own emotional self-regulation. When I get upset over something happening (which doesnt happen often, as we only have her every other weekend, and she is mostly great), I practice regulating my own emotions and reminding myself that I am the adult in the situation and my emotions are my own responsibility. I am not currently in an active co-parenting role, but I'm sure that will come when we are living together permanently. I had a fairly negative experience as an adult child with a female step-parent, and I am doing my best to learn from that situation to benefit my step-child and my partner. Being in therapy helps a lot, for sure. Wishing positivity and love to anyone in a blended family situation. ❤

[@NDObeats]

Great video! I haven't heard of the corrective and contributory parent dynamic before but makes a lot of sense after watching this.

[@leonardoaallenjr8734]

Same here. This is interesting.

[@theanxiousstepmom]

SO much goodness here, Steph! I especially appreciate how you distinguish between respect/discipline and emotional bond. "Respect" can be shown outwardly without authentic emotion behind it, but a true bond can't be faked. ♥

[@edbrown5956]

That's one plus to the children being adults when this happens. I am not expected to "get along" with the step parents kids. We don't argue we just pretty much keep to ourselves and all live separate. Too bad more people don't do therapy before starting a family and decide if they are right to bring kids into this world. Divorce isn't ideal although sometimes needed.

[@victoriamukelabai9563]

How to get this message across to the supportive parent is so so hard

[@Meibel11]

I know I’m kind of lucky in this, but my kids were still very young (1&3) when I got together with my future husband. Obviously I didn’t have this video back then 😂 but we basically followed these exact tips. We didn’t have a name for it but we absolutely followed the corrective/contributory parent model. I think it’s all about boundaries. My husband IS my kids 3rd parent but at the end of the day he respects his role as a step. Would love a co parenting video bc that’s the real struggle 😂

[@StephAnya]

I love to have a vet sharing their experiences! It sounds like you all have it down. Got it! I’ll start working on the coparenting one. Thanks for sharing!

[@Xoxoevelynluna]

Please do a video on coparenting tips!❤

[@Mama_Doomm]

Going on eleven years now and my blended family still isn’t blending. It feels like two families living together as roommates. This hit me hard the other day because my daughter’s been really sick and her care is all on me. My husband isn’t emotionally invested like her real dad would be. And it’s the same the other way around so it’s not all on him. When his son ends up catching this sickness I’m not going to be as invested either. There are so many nuanced problems with blended families. It would be a dream to just have a marriage with kids who belong to both of us 😩 It would be so much easier. You give some great advice but I almost think at this point it’s too late for my families situation to change much since we’ve been doing it wrong for so many years.

[@TheMoises1213]

“Do you miss me?” Girl stop you making me tear😭. It’s so true tho how the children feel.

[@StephAnya]

Us adults too 🥺

[@florencesenneh1173]

Thank you for this video ❤

[@anatalal3492]

New here, just got married a month ago, i have one bio and 2 step kids, im having issues with how ill discipline yhe 6 year old, she just hates listwning to me and my husband, but u learned that the bio should have the last say, i need help still, she triggers me, im shaking whenever she doesnt listen to me😢, i had to go inside the badthroom and punch the air sometimes.huhu

[@FemiAdebayo]

Brilliant! Thank you so much 👏👏👏

[@GgRose143]

Loved this one ♥️

[@StephAnya]

So glad to hear that ♥️

[@underdawgapparel]

Awesome video. For myself I didn’t force my mate to introduce me to their child. I made suggestions for full inclusion and over time your true character can shine through. For my little one a think we do is cook together. I don’t put her in harms way but I let her do enough to where she feels like she’s cooked the entire meal by herself. Create memories

[@PopTalkPodcast]

Solid content! Good stuff

[@AdaraAhab]

Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤

[@BengyCinco]

Have you counseled couples and/or children with ADHD? Or families with ADHD. My wife and I have been married for a year now and it has been an adjustment. I understand it's still pretty fresh but going from living alone to living with someone has its challenges. Not to mention I'm a father now. The biggest challenge I have is patience. It seems as though I don't have patience for my son and it can come off as if I don't like him. If we're being honest here, sometimes I don't but Idk how to navigate that. I'm in therapy and I plan to talk to my therapist about it, however, I've been following you for a while and you give really good advice. I subscribed to your channel when my wife and I were dating and in couples therapy. You've helped with so much so I just wanted to get your expertise on this if possible.

[@juliad4003]

This was very helpful! Can you make a video about Co-parenting while starting a new relationship? Things that are acceptable and what's not when you are starting a new relationship.

[@somethintru1]

Great great great info ❤❤❤❤

[@etnicia7973]

hi, i missed the insta collection of topics, but i think i would really like to see a discussion on multicultural families. more specifically, when both partners appears to be from similar culture, but are not. l example Europeans + americans, Africans from completely different countries, Asians etc. the point is that for outsider the partners might look like they come from similar background, but they really don't. in my personal relationship ( I'm Scandinavian, my partner is Slavic) the first attraction happened before we knew each other's backgrounds and that it self caused. Abit of ruckus. we struggle now with people assuming that the other partner has similar experiences. that can be mild - my group of people assumes that my partner knows more about Scandinavian life, and his Group of people assumes i know more about Slavic ways of living.

[@GgRose143]

This is a great one. Me and my significant other actually struggle with this as well. He is African-American, I am Caucasian. We now have a child in common, and a blended family. And we also struggle with different parenting styles, and he believes it’s due to the different ways we grew up and our backgrounds and he says I’ll never understand his struggles. And it really saddens me that he feels this way.

[@Markjoneswel]

Really valuable information

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@tabitas.2719]

Loved learning a new term! :) In German we call them Patchwork Families. 😊

[@StephAnya]

Interesting!

[@ItsyaboiRocc]

Should both parents be participating in these activities or just one? I'm in a blended family and it seems it only falls on me to have to improve.

[@lilianamurillo2652]

I understand everything in the video but what if the biological parent doesn’t act and doesn’t discipline his own kids and then you are the stepparent who doesn’t have a saying but it affects you what can you do about it

[@laurafreeman3335]

I actually super liked this one too we don't I don't hear a lot of people sometimes talk about the talk about even with melanin families or I don't always talk about or hear about you know dysfunctional family Dynamics sometimes and this video kind of reminded me of that a little bit I know that's maybe not exactly what what you were trying to put out but I I really like the explanations of this video

[@raynikasmith8591]

How do you no if your child is being honest with you about there feelings how can you tell if your child is unhappy with there🙂🙃🙃😉 school or living conditions...

[@Kaws-x2g]

I loved your input, but what about when a step parent uses physical force as discipline, as a biological parent is hard for me to accept that,that form of discipline is needed occasionally, but how do I cope, how do I process it, when the step parent says” no one is stopping him or changing his way of the parenting style” and his statement is always I’ve been a step parent before.. honestly to me this is all new. Please help me understand.

[@timgingell9883]

Is there a way to contact you? I really need some advice

[@qwr742]

Oh my God, you are glowing!!!

[@StephAnya]

Aw thank you 🥹

[@monteriareaves6845]

I move in with my dad, stepmom and stepsister when I was 12 and a half years old. Before then I was living and raised by grandmother. But I been through a lot of traumas in my childhood. I am 21 years old now. I honestly hate being in a blended family. My stepsister is the same age as me. She has been talking about me to her friend and not speaking to me. She does not want me here in the house. My parents don’t even realize it at all. I can’t speak up because my stepmom is going to take her side and my dad is not going to speak up for me. I just hate being around my stepsister and I don’t like her.

[@prettylifeprettymind]

i support you!

[@jessek-9scentdetectiontrai10]

Beautiful Smile ❤ 😍

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@jessek-9scentdetectiontrai10]

@@StephAnya Your welcome

[@AnonymousAnonymous-i4v]

May i ask what type of family therapy this is ?

[@DawnofLight4lif]

I’m not sure if I agree with the change aspect of what ur saying bc changes goes both ways. The boss is changing into a new environment and so r the coworkers… I believe what’s best should be what the change should be for both. To take the guidance from the leader bc of emotions that’s a can of worms that shouldn’t be open… it’s structure ppl need to

[@fransaumcdonald4442]

Very helpful

[@DfmPodcast]

Blended family love

[@KoolT]

Just discovered this

[@AndreaDelaine77]

Do you have experience being in a blended family yourself? Because it's one thing to talk about, another thing altogether is to live in it. My husband and I do not adhere to the average so called advice out there because we deal with a very toxic and dangerous mother of the children. These types of advice do not work with a narcissist. Parallel parenting is the thing I would like to hear more about and emotional and physical protection from someone who is out to destroy a parent's marriage, and their relationship with the children.

[@mikyahalbena-yasharal3387]

This is ALSO applicable advice, if you remarry your children’s mother!

[@stephenyates4749]

I always learn something very good information

[@StephAnya]

Makes me happy to hear ♥️

[@demetriustalton7394]

We have to stop thinking and always telling them things are going to be comfortable that's not the world we live in

[@theemindfuljourneyhub]

❤

[@demetriustalton7394]

What about when the child is spoiled and emotions change every 10 min emotions are important but it shouldn't be the most important because men are wired different

[@demetriustalton7394]

And without respect your emotions will in the wrong place

[@KoolT]

God bless you, it's been hades please help ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@kamiladeandrade379]

the only person of color that showed up in my search results 🥹 thank you for recording this

[@alishal4893]

My fiancé moved out because his kids didn’t like the long drive soo….

[@Mmmtruk]

As a child of the divorced parents, the idea of having blended family makes me almost repulsed as they divorce itself has called me lifelong trauma 😃

[@Mmmtruk]

Blended families in sure can be great but I saw absolutely no support for children (esp children of immigrants) going thru their parent’s divorce during my time 🤠

[@xletragedyx]

Lmao my family was 0 for 8 on the blending. I moved out at 17 bc I didnt have the money when I was 16.

[@demetriustalton7394]

It's called spare to rod or spoil the child she emphasises on emotions to much most women do that but the advice needs to be tweeked

[@DecodeHerMind-11]

Wife has a daugter who is liar and she will never get wrong. Guys its the worst thing, don't do it!

[@fauxbro1983]

because blended family harmony is a myth

[@Gawd-z3c]

booobies

[@demetriustalton7394]

Nope that's to much including children in adult info is to much

[@angies7906]

😂 Ridiculous. God luck with emotional bond as well.