Therapist Breaks Down Stephen & Monica | Love is Blind 7

[@veganforthem76]

When Monica dumped Stephen and asked for all of the money she spent on him back I stood up and cheered 😂

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

I think that's also a huge growth opportunity for her - why do I put myself into situations where I overgive, esp. in the beginning of a relationship? Or give as a form of transaction?

[@LEMATTOFFICIAL]

High key that moment was dope af and hilarious 😂

[@livywithane]

😂👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

😂 👏🏽 same!

[@melo_fits2.0]

😂😂😂I was watching it while in the shower and I cheered for her so much😂😂😂Classic moment!

[@hihii3902]

She did look disgusted with him like most of the time

[@skai1727]

The things he said made me 🤢

[@juliac2687]

Who wouldn’t 😂

[@Partycitybaex]

Fr her upper lip was always touching her nose

[@JamminOnThe1]

@@hihii3902 no doubt. She obviously wasn’t attracted to him. He is super goofy looking.

[@moodmusic2495]

He talk too much. He needs to be center of attention.

[@amaprime7225]

The way Stephen discussed his past cheating was a red flag because he didn’t seem to take real accountability. “I’ve been given the label of cheater” is not the same thing as saying “I’ve cheated on my partner in the past.” He also says something to the effect of “everyone defines cheating differently” which also felt distancing. I think he really downplayed his own actions, which was a trend that continued later through their relationship.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

💯

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

I noticed this too. He didn't take accountability. He intellectuallized his behavior and justified it, which meant the root cause was never identified, tackled, and healed

[@Carm6896]

Yuppppp

[@awrebyawe]

Yup it was a red flag for me too, he really didn't take accountability for it and show any sort of remorse. Very different to Freddie from Love is Blind UK. I kinda think Monica just wanted to be proposed to and go through the process, I doubt she would've said yes to him.

[@dadaguiar]

i didn’t think of it that way

[@theCatsitter878]

There was that part where Monica said how tough it it was for her to be single at 36 and seeing all her friends getting married/having babies, that explains a lot of her behaviour.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

This 💯 she's coming from a place of desperation and scarcity

[@juliac2687]

Yes! Unfortunately, her desperation (and maybe also hope that this experiment will work out) led her to abandon her standards one by one. She settled and thought that he would be grateful for that. But they are never grateful…

[@lunarosa321]

@@juliac2687 I think she did at first. But as the experiment proceeded, the blindfold started to fall off as she got to know the real him in person. She grew more disgusted because he didn't match her materialistic expectations, physical boundaries, and the sleep experiment (cheating) was the last straw.

[@caseyw.6550]

I swear, I don't think stephen knows what he's even saying half the time. He is just spewing BS that he thinks makes him sound good.

[@sangel8079]

Agreed he gives me child vibes- like an impulsive 4 year old. It’s repulsive- not him- but that presentation. However it seems Monica loved being in mummy mode. So glad when she took back her power.

[@joanna0988]

​@@sangel8079He is very similar to someone I know who has ADHD.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

😂

[@caseyw.6550]

​@joanna0988 Girl, please. I have adhd and don't you dare put that on us. Absolutely not. That is not an adhd thing. Talking a lot? Sure. Talking complete phony nonsense just to hear yourself talk and solely to make yourself look good? No.

[@joanna0988]

@@caseyw.6550 Ok well not everyone with ADHD is just like you and not everyone with it is a good person either. The lack of impulse control, interrupting, engaging in high consequence behavior, talking excessively and going on tangents are all symptoms of adhd in men. Also he could have RSD as well which could explain why he's also self centered and insensitive to others emotions.

[@itsmystupidname]

I never saw Monica’s face align with her words. She used the confessionals to convince herself she felt otherwise.

[@gignock]

This is what I was going to say! I didn’t think Monica’s body language ever matched what she was saying!

[@caseyw.6550]

Can't blame her one single bit. I would have lost my shit WAY sooner. The man is REPULSIVE to women in general.

[@Kim-ny152]

I do think some grace needs to be given to them during confessional interviews because a producer probably asked “so what do you think of his livelihood/education” and that was her response that was then added to the edit

[@morethanyourbasics]

That was my immediate thought. As soon as you sign up for a reality tv show the things said out loud, the language “ick”, the topics that keep coming up might be heavily influenced by producers weaving a story

[@ms.hjohnson6820]

Soooo true! I was on a reality show, it’s yet to air, and the producers are WILD. They also tell you what to say at time. They even set up situation they want to see air on the show.

[@EmpressEllie]

Stephen made my skin crawl before we found out he lives up to the label cheater. Glad to know my creep-o-meter is still functioning well! It took many years to get functioning!!

[@stephaniejmc]

Yeah, everything about him gave me the "ick" 😂

[@oliokioli]

Same! I was proud of myself for getting his personality right.

[@Souris1359]

Same! And i was like "why am i feeling this way? he seems to be a nice guy but something is off'

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Honestly that’s why I watch these kinds of shows, it helps me keep my senses sharp for discerning red flags and green flags etc.

[@RivyO]

I felt the same about Monica. They match each other so well. There words don’t match their actions.

[@lyndsie92]

My love language is gifts. It's totally not a high maintenance expensive thing! I'm not a fancy gal. But if my husband grabs me a snack on the way home it is an instant mood booster for me 😅 and now that I have kids, whenever someone else thinks of them and gets them even a little 1 dollar hot wheels toy I really appreciate that!

[@SelRdgz711]

This is me! lol

[@realSimoneCherie]

Despite what happened there's something about Stephen and Monica that just feels very equally matched - I think they both have a level of emotional immaturity that they don't recognize, they both tend to talk more than they tend to listen, they both get hung up on the material or physical (sexual)... on paper them seem pretty aligned honestly

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

100%, every couple on this show is equally matched when it comes to emotional maturity or trauma bonding.

[@islabee94]

Yes! He was so obviously flawed that people didn't pay attention to how flawed she was. They're both immature shallow and selfish. They aren't a bad match at all. If he'd been richer she would have stayed. If she'd had sex with him more, he would have stayed.

[@created__new]

Yes 👏

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Good point

[@joanna0988]

It's actually pretty cool how well we pick our partners to match our issues 😅🤦🏼‍♀️

[@cherishwashington6986]

the quote "you like because and you love despite" is from set it up. i always assumed that it meant that you liked someone because of all the things you like about them, but you love them once you see their flaws and you still accept them.

[@latishawillis4032]

Thanks! Best LIB content on KZbin.

[@StephAnya]

Thank you so much, Latisha!!

[@koriej.3275]

I agree, it is so dangerous to put your partner on a pedestal. We are all human. Therefore, no one will meet your expectations all the time. It's doomed for unfair disapointment.

[@lindseykirsten1124]

i really think that monica was convinced that she was able to adapt to every type of people around her, because i had this feeling that she knew that they will never be the perfect match and the way she was trying to deal with him, it was like she was teaching him how to treat her, she knew that alot of the relationship will be done by her, and she accepted that. but stephen was one of a kind and she discovered new icks with him.

[@crazy4catsRL]

When I realized one of my love languages was receiving gifts, it gave me a new understanding about myself especially at gift giving times. I love showering people I love with gifts, makes me happy to see others happy. But also receiving really shows me how well they know me and how much they care. Doesn’t have to be much… could literally just be my partner making me a tea 🥰

[@AngelineLuxe]

2:19 Stephen is the type to just say words and thinks that he said something prolific. I agree with you Steph, we do not love someone FOR their flaws, you love them in spite of their flaws.

[@southernbelle8366]

I think their in-person connection wasn't very strong and Monica knew that she didn't want to be with Steven (I think Steven was picking up on that, too). However, she was 36 and unmarried with no kids so she was willing to settle until cheating came into play.

[@katrinetroelsen]

im 37 and getting really desperate, but in spite of that i cant get myself to settle for a guy im not into, like it seemed almost like monica did, i also didnt feel like she even really liked him. (i think im so desperate tho, that id be willing to overlook certain red flags)

[@chanelbell]

​@@katrinetroelsen If u don't believe in God go head & ignore this. 🫡 Get in ur bible do word studies on love and the roles of a wife & husband. God doesn't want us 2 settle. U can pray & journal about ur desire 4 marriage & of course work on urself. (The bible is the best self help book... ❤️)

[@nrjm26]

I felt like both were quite performative. Even in the pods I thought Stephen was speaking in a manner that he thought made him "look good". Your observation that it seems as though they weren't really listening to each other makes a lot of sense to me and I would add, that they didn't listen to themselves either. However I do want to point out that the content of the confessional can be highly constructed by the production team, having them ask certain questions, digging for answers that could be misinterpreted, etc. But also their interactions felt off to me, like Monica wanted to portray herself as mature and moral, whilst Stephen wanted to play the role of the good guy who thinks a lot (when really he just talks a lot). When I meet couples like that in real life I always end up asking myself, why they are together...

[@juliac2687]

He weaponized a lot of “therapy speak” …

[@CassTeaElle]

I feel like the "mutt" comment was edited. I strongly suspect it might have happened the other way around. Because the way she responds to it isn't like "lol yeah, I guess I am a mutt." She just says "I'm a f***ing mutt." And the way he says it is "wow, so you really ARE a mutt." I feel like it might have been more like she called herself a mutt, then she explained her racial background in more detail, and he responded with "wow, okay, you really ARE a mutt." The way he put emphasis on "you really ARE a mutt" didn't sound like that was the first time they had used that term. It sounded more like she had called herself that, and he was agreeing with her. The whole way both of them spoke in that scene felt very odd and like it was flipped around and edited to sound weirder than it was.

[@JackiaFreeman]

As a marriage and family therapy intern, and someone who actually has been only watching love is blind currently in my spare time, I love that you do these videos. I hope you do a video for Ashley and Tyler

[@wiwihoyos]

I still want Benahia and Nicole video😢 from Love Is Blind UK!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💜💜💜

[@Neo-wy2oc]

So sad she didn’t do a video on them 🙉

[@wiwihoyos]

Yeah I've been really waiting for it 😢

[@rebeccag8589]

Maybe because once they got together they were pretty healthy? They are one of my favorite couples. Does she mostly do videos about things like red flags and problematic behavior, or does she do the couples who seem healthy too?

[@lara1208-b1p]

Me too!

[@Akilahfoye]

Yup me too

[@JamminOnThe1]

Another red flag that I find really obnoxious, is when Stephen made all these comments about how strong his libido is and how virile he is. Like he’s the ultra-man, stronger and more virile than other men. Dude, you’re not. I also think it seems to send the message that he doesn’t have a control of his sex drive which ultimately is his excuse for his infidelities. He cheated pretty quickly and showed how much of a loser he is.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

Yes! Absolutely spot on 💯 he'd be the one to justify that men cheat even when they love their partner because men can't control themselves instead of doing personal development and putting in the work to change their toxic patterns

[@tanassa70]

I don't believe they would have worked even if that text situation didn't happen. Monica was passive aggressive in my opinion. Stephen in my opinion is a sex addict and needs therapy.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

Completely agree with this 💯

[@ChocoTacoh]

Yep he gives NYMPHO.

[@0kitten00]

I love your content. Thank you always for you insight and analytics. I wish this kind of content was available when I was young

[@Kenshaable]

At almost 33(on December 3) I've been in one serious relationship unfortunately with a narcissist that forced me to take time to recover and rebuild myself. I'm single for 3 years now and learned a lot by watching those videos. It's nice to confirm my analysis of those couples/individuals were right. U can assume when the time will come to be with someone again u'll be more capable of discerning signs and flags early on ...really helpful to keep growing

[@mlleopera]

My mom once said to me we love a person for the qualities but we stay for the flaws. Everyone has flaws, if you wish to have a beautiful and long relationship, you have to be ok with them because it is very easy to love someone when you only think about their qualities.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

💯

[@ddot9566]

That sounds more like you’re staying in spite of the flaws, which is realistic. I just don’t see why someone would say they’re staying “for” the flaws.

[@mlleopera]

@ what it means is that life is hard. Finding someone whose flaws you can tolerate for 30 years is essential. When everything is good, it’s easy to be someone but when it goes south, you have to be aware of the flaws and ok with the response you have form your partner. If it is not the case, the relationship may end and quickly.

[@lizspencer7712]

At first I couldn’t figure out why I was so uncomfortable with the way he handled her confrontation because technically he was agreeing with her. But yes, he was absolutely just escaping the tough conversation and the consequences of his decisions, and this was absolutely something that resonated with me. To just walk away felt like it diminished her feelings even though he was technically acknowledging them. So appreciate your videos!

[@valeriejohnson8771]

Monica like all of the women have been yearning for a solid partner, with whom they can establish a good life. She wanted to believe that Stephen was that person. However, even in their conversation before she found the text messages that was cheating, she had several clues from the language he spoke, that he wasn't the person for her. He gave me the heaves with his language. Ugh!!

[@avayoung6720]

Right and all he kept implying multiple times was how he wanted her to S his D that was so disgusting and disrespectful to a woman you just met or you knew your whole life thats just something you dont say to someone you care about at all its treating her like shes nothing in my opinion she does not deserve that At All 💔🤢🤢

[@kaylalaland]

I loved that you said that if someone likes gofts they are not materialistic. Thank you! That made me feel better because it is exactly as you said. I love the little things because they thought of me. Getting my favorite bag of chips or a pin that reminded them of me. Or even sending videos to me is a gift because I'm like aww you thought of me. I love your content. These really help me to be self reflective. :D

[@ronswansonmulliganssteakhouse]

Incredibly interesting and insightful as always, I love your content.

[@SW654F2011]

I love your analysis, as always! I thought you would have touched on the way Monica spoke to him, as in her tone, sarcasm, etc

[@christaggart5687]

Yes, it’s good Monica communicated her frustration that she couldn’t get a word in. However, the way she did it was full of contempt and I didn’t find it to be a good model of how to communicate frustration

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

It's interesting how people on this show and irl as well will always gravitate to a partner who matches their unresolved trauma and subconscious comfort zone.

[@mayabasquin]

14:20 my husband thought his love language was physical touch until I pointed out that his love language is actually words of affirmation. I’m still learning how to speak to him in that language!

[@hihii3902]

When he brings up second thoughts I always got the vibe that it was brought up with the expectation that she could see it too. When she shot it down immediately I wondered if she was just thinking she wanted to stay on the show. I felt that way about nick too when he said “should we just call it quits” and Hannah glossed over it and they stayed together

[@hihii3902]

I genuinely wondered if they even did have sex. When she said we had great sex and he said ya I wondered if he just said yeah we did because how does one say “what no we haven’t had sex yet” in front of a camera. He also pretended to notice the issue between Alex and Tim when she brought it up but he clearly didn’t. He sounded like he was just saying he did. So to me that shows he will go along with anything including her mentioning sex they never had and pretending he loves her and is gonna marry her

[@hihii3902]

Also conspiracy theory: the conversation with Garrett was about what to do about this engagement he doesn’t want lol.

[@hihii3902]

Also conspiracy theory she baited him to talk too much so she could call him out for it again. When she tells him he’s talking too much it starts with a question, follows with his stream of consciousness nonsense response, and her not even trying to talk before she’s like baby imn obsessed with you but come on. It looked like she knew he’d do that

[@Yooniejin88]

I’ve never felt such an uneasiness watching a cast member through a screen as I have with Stephen, he literally creeps me out. I also think Monica wanted to get married and felt time was passing quickly so she just accepted what she got 🤷‍♀️

[@chane11ee7]

I thought it was just me who felt that way towards Stephen!

[@amirahamwia6927]

Agreed! I felt bad for really disliking him at first because he was such a “nice” guy, yet as the show went on I realized it was my intuition, and I was like “Ooh. This is why I need to follow my intuition even if I can’t explain it!”

[@juliac2687]

Being able to get flowers for someone is not a financial issue. Especially when you’re part of the show. I’m sure the production will pay for it 🙈He was testing her too I think. He’s giving “love me at my worst” energy.

[@adaboBADa]

Your observations about the "suspects" in question are extremely astute. And I absolutely love your explanation of the love languages. Brava!

[@zoeziebee]

9:44 What you’re saying about Monica being in denial makes a lot of sense to me. As I was watching I always had a bit of an uneasy feeling when she was going on about how attracted she was to him and how much she loved him and I think you might be right that she was trying to convince herself and the audience

[@mindyann8903]

PLEASE DO ASHLEY/LYLER AND THEM KIDS !!!!

[@Urbi37]

I come here to say the same thing.

[@ole_moloi]

I have to agree, people who don’t have a filter about very intimate conversations really bother me

[@mehoo8]

Cant wait for this one because it didn’t end how I expected it to end but it kinda did lol

[@arispalate]

The married at first sight scene was hilariously messy 😭😭

[@neskebeks]

I loved your comments cause they gave me the chance to reflect on my own choices in life. I tend to forgive men too soon when it comes to their flaws, and I do know it comes from home... I recognized also Monica's pattern and learned from seeing the show... as well as you analyzing it. Thanks.

[@TheNunududu]

I was extremely uncomfortable with Stephen before he even left the pods. It felt like he was cosplaying as an emotionally evolved conscientious adult, but the things he was saying were just so goofy.

[@meganwilliams7968]

Yay back to back break down of LIB within a week! ❤ signed a fellow mental health therapist who watches your content!

[@MkayKaye]

These are so fun because after I've made my judgements or gotten certain impressions, I've forgotten why. Monica told on herself the whole time. Tons of little micro admissions, where her actions didn't match what she was saying. This show is so wild.

[@bshrib72]

I would love to hear about the positive dynamics with the successful couples like Garrett and Taylor! They are one of my favorites in the entire 7 seasons.

[@melina.leany-g]

I really like your videos because they make me see things that I didn’t see before and helps me really understand where the contestants may be coming from in these conversations.

[@miriammusembwa]

1:56 this is why I subscribed to you. Insight like this👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@anon4765]

off topic, but could you do some episode on the ultimatum: queer love? i think you’d have a lot to say!! there’s a lot of relationship stuff to talk about. love these videos! thanks for making them!

[@em6153]

+

[@littybritty9983]

Nay

[@Salthavs]

omg yes please

[@byttercandy]

I would love that as well

[@samwilkinson7669]

I love your videos! I always get you saying your name stuck in my head, it's such a great name!

[@k.morton7283]

Monica just wanted to be chosen and so did Stephen. I didnt think they were compatible at all.

[@mammamonssterr]

I want women to not wait even an hour with a man like this, please. You don't need to be with a disgusted face for days. Just dump him. The sooner the better. I don't care about the circumstances. Please 🙏🏻

[@itzjdub282]

I thought expecting flowers on vacation is a bit much

[@spoiledoatmilk]

i feel like 9 times out of 10, if someone mentions getting married as a competition like: “watching all my friends get married”, “i’m going to get married & STAY married”, or even “i dont want to be the last one who isn’t married” etc, their not going to last with their person bc they have their unwavering symbol of a husband on a pedestal

[@vickinest5766]

Not saying Stephen is a great dude, but it seemed like Monica had such disdain for him.. I agree that they wouldn’t have worked long term, but she was also being so dismissive and rude to him. Like that clip where’s she’s talking about the fireworks, “that was SO romantiiiccccc”

[@Magyha1]

I had no hope for them. I was honestly surprised they got engaged. He had too many red flags during the pod dates, and she was not actively listening to him. I bet the producers were so happy they got engaged because anyone could have seen that train wreck a mile away.

[@SweetCarolineBAMBAMBAM]

I genuinely think I would have to move town and start a new life in either of their situations. I'd need a fresh start big time, cause this was an experience just to watch it all

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

I agree completely that Monica had a lot of “looks of disgust” for Stephen 😅. He’s annoying but that’s why I think she should have just broken up with him earlier! I think both of them really just wanted to try and make it work to stay on the show. Do they get paid for this show? Cuz if so then it makes sense why so many try to force things to work when they clearly don’t work as a couple. Regardless, Stephen disgusted me too, I couldn’t stand how vulgar and sexual his talking kept being.

[@onedirectionlover317]

At one point there was a penalty for breaking it off early, I believe? Not sure if that’s true anymore since more couples seem willing to do that. But apparently Hannah had been pressured by producers to stay after she wanted to leave after the reveal, so even if the penalty is no longer there it’s possible there might be external pressures.

[@869ofuncertainty]

😂 Stephen was creepy to me from the get. I'm happy my red flags were correct and you've given me the language to name them.

[@missnaturale]

I cant wait for the Tyler and Ashley analysis video

[@bafbaas1210]

Tbh Stephen would totally be the guy i go for, teddy bear, talkative, sorta sweet, hairy etc so i was really trying hoping he would come out of this well. Really dissappointed.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

Every relationship experiences challenges, but there is always a way to progress. My marriage was tested by significant problems, but with appropriate help, my wife and I worked through them and strengthened our bond. Solutions are available if you’re ready to put in the effort and work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I’m struggling with serious issues in my relationship and can’t bear the thought of losing her. My love and desire to have her back in my life are immense. I’m willing to do whatever it takes and would be very grateful for any guidance or suggestions.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

Your guidance is valued. I'll immediately seek her out online. Appreciate it. I'm hopeful that implementing this method will also bring me success; I miss her dearly.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

You should... I promise you will not regret it.

[@OldBaySeason]

I know it's too late and you'll probably never see this. But thank you for these videos. As a huge LiB fan, I love watching the recap channels to get second opinions and thoughts. I believe you break it down the best as a therapist. At the end of the day some of these people are characters on a show and others are there for actual marriage. It's great to hear how a person may actually be thinking or acting based on what you've seen and studied in your profession. I can't for season 8.

[@StephAnya]

Seen & much appreciated ♥️

[@Hilo-gk3ix]

What I love is that “the ick” was popularized by Love Island UK. So to see it make its way into mainstream language is great.

[@Lexichi22]

Monica shut Stephen up and said she couldn't get a word in, but if you're going to say you can't get a word in, you need to have something to say. It was pRoBaBlY eDiTiNg, but she was quiet for like five minutes while he was waiting for her to speak her peace. That irked me.

[@onedirectionlover317]

Had a guy do that to me on a date (not so bluntly, but he cut me off mid-speech and was like "okay, okay, I get it" (and at a SNAIL'S PACE too, GOSH did that man talk slowly - although I do talk quickly, but no one has complained about it in decades lol). And the first time he did have something to say, so okay, fine, but the second time he didn't, and paused for a bit before moving on to what felt like the "next question on his list" (and it didn't flow naturally from the convo). He did NOT ask me on a third date 😂 and I did not mind at all LOL

[@ChocoTacoh]

It was something about Stephen that made me feel he wasn’t genuine from the start. & The way he was kissing her when they first met in person made me cringe.

[@RaySWilson]

Thank you for this video Steph! This is the most balance analysis on their relationship I’ve seen so far. I feel like everyone forgot about how both contributed to the fall of their relationship after Stephen’s cheating.

[@Theblondebass1]

I didn't think the mut comment was a yellow flag, i thought it was light hearted and she matched the energy without a hitch

[@nitadavi9547]

I’m sure the producers asked her certain types of questions that made her bring those topics up in the confessionals

[@tinkle2549]

I’m so glad u talked about the “mutt” comment. It seems like others races are always referring us to an animal

[@e8fl3b]

You're right about his statement "You love someone for their flaws" being messed up. I imagine that he subconsciously was asking will he be loved despite his significant flaws OR that he is attracted to unhealthy people or both. I like your observation that Monica is protesting too much that his job and his looks don't matter. I think Stephen has a sexual addiction where love and sex are split off in a person's mind and there is a compulsive, destructive drive

[@EatersFan]

I thought the comment was made so he would sound deep and interesting. Dude seemed to like to talk and thought what he had to say sounded like he pondered over stuff and it was more interesting than it really was.

[@EatersFan]

Most guys can easily and do divorce sex from love and intimacy. Guys can easily have sex and enjoy it and not have much emotional connection to a woman. Some women can too but more often start developing a sense of connection.

[@cherishwashington6986]

also imo i felt she disliked him the second she saw him. i think she wanted to give him a chance, but every time she talked she seemed so annoyed and disgusted.

[@LEMATTOFFICIAL]

I think Monica wanted it too bad and sort of knew Stephen was not genuine. Stephen is a smart manipulator. He knows just enough therapy words and knowledge to come off as a 'healed' guy who takes accountability and he uses it to make himself seem like he can be trusted. The truth was ole boy was saying exactly who he was right in her face. I think he should explore therapy and reevaluate his process of creating an image. I think he has the capacity to be a good person but he needs to stop drinking his own kool aid. She wasn't perfect but I feel like at least she was honest about who she was. She needs to stop putting people on pedestals too quick though 😬. Expectations like that won't help see people for who they really are.

[@cheyennemckenzie8493]

I absolutely hate that he said love people for their flaws, and I agree with how you interpreted it. Now, changing it slightly, I do love people for their QUIRKS. If that's what he meant, using flaws instead of quirks is another issue cause then I doubt he actually likes quirks.

[@pmfajardo15]

i truly believe that Monica was never going to say yes at the altar, she seems like she wanted to be in a relationship to continue the show and at the end say no and hopefully end up being seen as the “good one” the one that really tried but it just didn’t work

[@therogueangel71]

I was really surprised that Monica and Stephen got engaged and that they went as far as they did. I think you are spot on with your assessments of their behaviors. I think Stephen had motives going in that weren't about having a wife at the end of the experience.

[@lourar.2800]

I learned alot in this video, thank you 😊

[@StephAnya]

Glad it was helpful!

[@maureenhamilton2297]

Self deprecating in tough discussions and refusing to actually own up to how their actions affect other people- it’s giving Rory Gilmore.

[@StephAnya]

Rory 😂😭

[@angelofsugarpops]

I remember having a crush on someone who called me a Mutt, I told them that word hurt me and they tried to defend the use of the word 'but thats what you are'. A crush of several years was disolved in an instant. I'm happy today with a partner who understands and equally finds that word disgusting.

[@kybunnii]

I am ready for this one!!

[@celesteassi2721]

😅 Me too !

[@kristinaneil9421]

I certainly got from Monica that she has wanted to be engaged/married for a long time and would've accepted any proposal once there was some amount of civility between herself and the other person.

[@EatersFan]

Stephen was definitely not the guy for Monica. She seemed like she wanted to be aspirational and try to have a romantic story and be a great couple in the pods. Once out of the pods, she expected romance and a fairy tale. And Stephen isn’t that guy. And she may say she does necessarily want a guy with a good job and who went to a prestigious college, she wants a guy who can afford to take her to nice places and buy her nice gifts.

[@pianosymmetry]

I liked Steven at first and didn’t like Monica much because I felt she was snapping at him a lot. However, he turned out to be a creep.

[@bbyreece]

I thought I was the only who realized that every season has a catchphrase or popular word . The word “valid” or “my person”was pretty popular the last two seasons lol

[@serahcw2723]

What I saw as a red flag in their relationship looking back was their constant conversation' focus that revolved around sex, so that meant that they couldn''t connect outside the sex...

[@violinperson1835]

I think Stephen meant “you love someone despite their flaws” that’s what the original saying is that he was referring to. Now how she replied sounds like she genuinely meant that she loves people specifically for their flaws.

[@AC-mn3zd]

“Now, what sense does that make?” EXACTLY 😫😭😭🤣🤣

[@JayHinkle-v5j]

I felt like Stephen seemed to have a high libido and low mouth filter, but at the end of the day, his love language was probably physical touch and words of affirmation with maybe a smattering of kink (treat me like a piece of meat). And as Monica grew more critical of what (seems to us) to be a relatively superficial relationship, I think he took an easy out -- rather than saying "I'm unhappy, you actually don't like me, this isn't working", he cheated. And then he's the bad guy and it absolutely reinforces his feelings that he's not good enough for her. But he's also out the door.

[@SparklyPsychic]

I think loving someone for their flaws is a recipe for a karmic relationship. It means you love their flaws because you have those same flaws, so you feel comfortable. You don't have to grow with someone who is as messed up as you

[@NaeNaeRozay]

I think you can love someone and not love their flaws, you accept their flaws which is something different, I agree with what you said in regards to accepting them and learning to communicate with your partner about them but to love someone's flaws just seems like a cop out in a way to avoid a bigger conversation. Also, a lot of the yellow/red flags you pointed out were ones i noticed as well.

[@rm3860]

I am so happy you mentioned the “mutt” comment. That + his affinity for Africanness based on a DNA test and the fact that he didn’t have the capacity to realise that the culture and history closest to him would be African American lol not Congolese or Nigerian.

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

Being attracted to flaws... my guess is that it's unresolved codependency where we mistaken pity for love abd try to rescue the person. And then we end up in relationships where we overgive and resent not being treated with respect and effort.

[@biancanicholls3683]

i dont think she liked him at the reveal, the way she said cuteeee was like she was looking for a compliment. and then add weird things he was saying. even if he didn't cheat i think it would of gone bad.

[@ajballer14]

Im just patiently waiting for you to share your thoughts about Ashley and Tyler and these kids👀

[@ladyenfamouz]

I think the most shocking thing to me is that Stephen came across as so “commanding” in the pods, but when they met he became timid and gentlemanly, but when Monica found out about the text messages… he switched and the timid nature disappeared… and it was like the “bad” Stephen was exposed and the real him came out.

[@valianikou7286]

Very weird vibes from Stephen, and also (surprised you didnt mention it) in the reunion the way he was talking was soo "pick me" for lack of better wording rn. "Oh nobody is gonna believe me whatever I say" yeah because you dont have credibility anymore, but also we really want to know the truth, or at least your truth, we want to hear something from you. He ended up saying nothing and once again, like in the breakup, avoided the confrontation

[@natjohn1048]

In Monica’s defense, the producers ask a lot of leading questions in the confessionals. So it’s probably not always her bringing it up. It could be the producer forcing her to talk about a subject.

[@redenavari]

The way he said "You really ARE a mutt," and the way she responded to it without a second of pause, to me really felt like he was using a term that had been used before. I feel like something was edited out.

[@Partycitybaex]

Yea people are toooo sensitive

[@BrookePalmer]

He was so performative in the beginning, and I think the "in love with flaws" comment was part of that, he thought it would shock and surprise people and make him seem very interesting and woke lol I find men with not a lot going on will say things that are different from the norm just to make themselves seem more interesting.