Stephen Applies For White House Chief Of Staff

[@errgag3580]

A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and two Russian oligarchs walk into a bar. The bartender says: "You guys must be here to talk baby adoption."

[@freema9246]

How do u take a split pic like that??

[@errgag3580]

Republicans are projected to pick up hundreds of seats..... in federal prison! 🔐

[@momon969]

*The bartender says: "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[@brainflash1]

Actually, he said "What will your lawyer have, Mr. Trump?"

[@AreaLabMen]

The lawyer looks at the Russians, gives the bartender a mournful look, and says. "First, adoption from Russia is hell. And, second, little Covfefe ... AND the bathwater ... high-tailed it out of here faster than Ayers."

[@Vistor4330]

Bring back "The Mooch" as Chief of Staff! He was killed off way too early in season 1, and it would be a nice plot twist for the season finale of season 2 if he returned :)

[@Sounds_to_Fuel_Dreams]

Nice!

[@alanai1981]

YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS! IJS!!!!!!

[@johnapple6646]

YEES

[@mauricej8747]

Look that's constructive thinking😃

[@mARTin4ARTsake]

scaramouch scaramouch can you dance the fandango. ( thinking of the right music to accompany that)

[@JJ-kl7eq]

Stormy Daniels has experience handling Trump’s staff.

[@eljanrimsa5843]

She can spank some sense into him.

[@roku3216]

I knew someone would make that joke. I Toad you so.

[@philosophygamers5920]

She's the staff master

[@gloomyblackfur399]

@Peter C Beat me to it. :P

[@geraldhaynesjr1815]

Ooohhh. You really went there.

[@teeemm4594]

You're not a criminal Stephen Colbert. That is the first requirement of the job. Sorry.

[@omaramoo1509]

Stephen Colbert potus 2020

[@justsaying3729]

LOL!!!

[@katebunn7567]

Where's OJ these days? Oh wait he ticks the criminal box but Trump doesn't want to share any press coverage with anyone....

[@tysargent9647]

Yes. Get ready for Trump's new economic adviser, Bernard Madoff.

[@chattycathy8089]

WHAT would I do without Stephen to help me through this NIGHTMARE in the W.H.!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@sw9163]

Amen

[@snoopz2]

Chatty Cathy am in London and am think the same thing.

[@fidorover]

BREAKING: Trump Nominates Muffler-less 1971 Buick Skylark as Head of EPA.

[@fidorover2]

Perfect.

[@payne_is_goodr.j.9563]

Don't forget runs on leaded gas

[@didoman2645]

My first car. With a muffler, though.

[@EugeneAxe]

Sounds about right.

[@BNSFGuy4723]

Hey, if Caligula appointed his horse, Incitatus, to the senate, why not Trump with a few extra horse power, if you know what I mean? ;) *nudge nudge wink wink* I can totally see Trump, in his mania, appoint a Mufflerless 1971 Buick Skylark

[@DavidJ222]

Jim Acosta should formally apply for the job. 😂😂

[@cocobenji6123]

This.

[@TheRabidWolverine]

That would be histarical.

[@SpeckleKen]

@@TheRabidWolverine Is it's formerly it would be historical.

[@TheRabidWolverine]

@@SpeckleKen No I'm thinking hysterical because there's no chance Colbert would be hired... But if he was it would be sooo funny.

[@anujmchitale]

You meant "formally"!

[@owen-cu6gr]

I like how he gestures with an imaginary knife, and then sets the knife down to keep continuity.

[@butterscotchbanana258]

He does that with all his imaginary props! :D

[@JesusChrist-by2ec]

Trump 2020 for prison.

[@pricklypear7516]

Amen. But maybe 2019?

[@mydrunkvideos]

Mueller tested, Christ approved.

[@firstwave1890]

.. that is WAY too long to wait!!😑

[@merc5333]

Hallelujah!🙌

[@firstwave1890]

@@titoqwentezproductionz3406 LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@AI-Assist-2024]

The view from the WH Titanic is absolutely breathtaking while it's sinking...

[@tayloraren9542]

Individual 1 is totally cleared for prison. Don’t forget to throw away the key.

[@g0679]

Taylor Aren And put the shower soap dispensers on the floor.

[@annarodriguez1581]

How about including Hillary too. She really broke the law. That too will come to pass. Everyone to jail!!!! LoL

[@wetbobspongepants]

No PARDON..FULL SENTENCE!

[@genghiskhan9269]

@@annarodriguez1581 No she didn't. He did

[@genghiskhan9269]

@@annarodriguez1581 stupidass

[@kelly2fly]

Does anyone know when the finale of this WH series ends? I hope it doesn't pick up another season. The plots are great but the acting isn't as believable.

[@rachelel9087]

*scoffs* The plots seem WAY over the top! There's no WAY this shit would happen in the real world!

[@kelly2fly]

Rachel El exactly! Which makes it good fictitious drama for television. Like Scandal on ABC.

[@mimim7026]

I find the characters a bit shallow.

[@kelly2fly]

Mimi M they definitely will not win any awards. That's for sure lol

[@deecee4410]

Well said

[@unstablegeniusfl8524]

Its true... He gave to Charity... And Destiny, Candy and Ginger 😆

[@kaybombshell]

unstable genius FL85 I hollered! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@unstablegeniusfl8524]

@@kaybombshell huh

[@kaybombshell]

unstable genius FL85 huh what? I laughed...? 🤔

[@unstablegeniusfl8524]

@@kaybombshell oh ok. I wasnt sure what the notification meant 😆

[@kaybombshell]

unstable genius FL85 😂 all love ❤️

[@darrenkrivit6854]

Colbert for Chief of staff...only if he gets to wear A BIG FURRY HAT!

[@TheRabidWolverine]

It would be interesting...

[@nancyfeddersen9118]

And a long red tie.

[@NewMessage]

Mueller can afford to tip his poker hand... Donnie's playing go fish.

[@sassygirl4728]

More like he's eating the cards

[@therealzilch]

The question is, what game are we playing: poker or go fish?

[@sassygirl4728]

@@therealzilch Actually we are playing Monopoly. And Trump drew the jail card.

[@jiminylummox9352]

Lisa: Do you have a 3? Trump: Go Fish! Lisa: No, see Donald, the problem here is that you have _several_ 3's. Trump: .... GO FISH!! Lisa: Uggh

[@annegeorge5367]

Stephen Colbert is one of a kind..

[@Jah_Rastafari_ORIG]

If CBS isn't selling those 'INDIVIDUAL-1' foam fingers already, somebody should. I'd buy one in two shakes of a lamb's tail...

[@daviddoughton5938]

John Kelly, you are no longer working at the White House. What are you going to do next? I'm going to Disneyworld!!!!!

[@happyshappy101]

Where everything makes sense 😂

[@Firef8ter343]

Hahahaha 😂

[@d.e.b.b5788]

Can't be as entertaining as being in the white house, errrrr, fun house! Errrrr, haunted house! !

[@victoriashevlin8587]

Atten Shun Honestly, I'm surprised that we don't have footage of Kelly fleeing the WH on his last day screaming 'FREE AT LAST!'

[@niceguy2171]

"Kelly has been given his papers...Kelly is FREE!!!!!!!"

[@NewMessage]

I'm gonna miss good ol' "Resting 'He said WHAT?' face".

[@hawkeye5955]

Or the modern "Picard facepalm"

[@humpmebackwhale2082]

😂😂😂😂

[@wooster1173]

It is very possible that tRump hasn’t realize that Individual-1 designates him.

[@StevenStarksjbirdcapitalllc]

He doesn't, it is why he tweeted that it "totally clears the President" his name is not on the document. People still tend to view him as a rational person who lives in reality.

[@jarchdm]

@@StevenStarksjbirdcapitalllc he lives in a reality. The problem is is not the same that most of us occupy. Unfortunately about 34% of the American people share it with him.

[@carolyngrinberg6889]

Can you see Trump with a mirror, murmuring "My Precious"? ...

[@AwesomeMom1234]

Yes! Yes! Yes!

[@kajafirestone9638]

Yes go for it Stephen....i totally support you.

[@Max-ux2rl]

You always make me laugh Thanks for being such a great comedian

[@maxo.1062]

Trump is as dumb as rock, USA is just in a hot mess.

[@charlesbeavers9771]

He does have good writers.

[@hazmimosafeer286]

Not only comedian and telling the truth as an eye opener to everyone ...

[@DNAleguillou]

And handsome 😍

[@Mr.Eternal966]

"Individual One it's totally screwed" loool i lost it :'D

[@Dubngrub]

Who is the lady in your profile pic? For reasons.

[@DavidJ222]

Nick Ayers informed Trump that he was flattered at being offered the job as his White House Chief of Staff, but regrettably, he turned it down. He instead decided to the job as a Porta Potty cleaner that he had been offered minutes earlier. He said it was best for his future and his family.

[@njosborne6152]

David J One job is honorable and the other, Well, . . .

[@pica8039]

Thanks, Stephen, for your great show!!!! Did you hear of the "smocking" gun yet????

[@SailorBarsoom]

Where there's smock there's fire. Some people say that Maria Butina is smocking hot. Would it be good for my health if I switched from smocking to vapping? I tuned into COZITV earlier today to watch an old episode of _Gunsmock._ Trump's gone from blowing dog whistles to sending smock signals. OK that's enough. Any more puns and people will be so upset smock will come out of their ears.

[@Cypresssina]

When Trump saw this he heard: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Trump's Number One Wooooo! He'll tweet about this honor later 😉

[@DaveGIS123]

Trump will want one of those foam hands like the one Stephen had, except it was too big for Trump's little hands and Stephen was holding up the wrong finger.

[@kaybombshell]

Cypresssina 😂😂😂 #Facts

[@p.e.m.-rbw_elijah]

😆😂😂😂😆; Stephen, Stephen, Stephen ! (repeat) 🧐 - Brilliant. 👍

[@NewMessage]

I'm surprised Donnie didn't make Kelly fire himself.. considering he bravely made Kelly fire everyone else in the WH for him so far.

[@robertsmith5744]

New Message -------- Or Eric !! ---------- Eric Trump as the Chief of Staff !!

[@carrie0508]

Where's Omarosa?

[@BeeKind22]

Can't wait to see as now Mr T is tweeting there is as many as 10 that want the job LMAO.... Ivanka.....

[@virit100]

"Stabbing - Torso ventilation... LOL!

[@CooperAATE]

John over here playing "The Ants Go Marching" lolol

[@tamikoestomo3275]

Stephen, you're getting better every day!!! Bless you!!! Applause from Indonesia!!!

[@lazyperfectionist1]

"I have the _best_ people. The _best._ And by the end of my administration, I will have hired and fired _every blessed one of them."_

[@SpecialSP]

lazyperfectionist1 Best comment I've seen today. Thank you!

[@leHungry]

Stephen’s monologues are unmatched of all late night!

[@mikilynne4558]

LMAO! Hiring immediately! No experience necessary. Deck officer position on H.M.S. Titanic. Bonuses and hazard pay.

[@norarobinson3091]

Thank you Mr. Colbert I don’t think I would make it through the day without you

[@tonyellen_]

No homo but it's the little things that Colbert does that makes me so admiring of him and his talent. 6:00 Look at the way he uses the imaginary knife. Then look at how he flips the knife over from holding it by the imaginary handle, to holding it by its imaginary blade and setting it on an imaginary table, all without skipping a beat and having a straight face! LOL Just genius and adorable.

[@carolyngraham1407]

"torso ventilation!" LMAO

[@justinchandler6045]

Holy crap...sell the Individual-1 foam fingers and donate the proceeds to a charity!

[@jonunciate7018]

Steven Colbert: Chief of Laughs.

[@slurricrasher9923]

Colbert could solve a lot of world wide issues with his ability to create objects out of thin air.

[@tesasilva4522]

LOL anything that brings trump grief is a plus. I love it. #resist

[@12valeyard]

Has anyone noticed that Stephen always “puts away” the imaginary objects he uses?

[@josianneash4553]

raspberrycannibals 😁😂😂😂😁😂😁😂😂😂😉😁😊😊😊🤣🤣😂🤣😊

[@fairytail2484]

That's the first thing I noticed bout him

[@mimim7026]

Yep! I think it's good technique. Once you create the object for the audience, you have to deal with it.

[@TrZorShiymamoto4303]

He should hire Kanye West.

[@jiminylummox9352]

Very legal, and very cool! Thanks, Kanye.

[@DrownedInExile]

6:33 "Cohen argued for a lighter sentence, citing his support for other charitable causes." To quote Odo of Deep Space 9, "your favourite charity is your own pocket!"

[@jcepri]

ROFLMAO. Stephen Colbert is my therapist. ... regret emoji, torso ventilation, spank bank. I just can't.

[@essenceofwisdom6808]

Ayers knows what happens to you when you work for Trump . Cohen's picture is the best reminder of it . Eaten by stress and ready to be casted in a horror movie , no make up needed .

[@benoitmessi2602]

Stephen, you are just brilliant!!!

[@jdkanuch2790]

"Individual-1" is the perfect title for when this whole era of US history is made into a blockbuster political thriller.

[@jasondashney]

I agree so long as you classify the "whole era" as being pretty much this whole century so far.

[@jdkanuch2790]

@@jasondashney I can get behind that.

[@jasondashney]

@@jdkanuch2790 Plus I'm Canadian so to me it's just entertainment.

[@notsure1969]

Torso ventilation. Brilliant!

[@leetraviusmckay314]

"regret emoji" 😂😂😂😂😂

[@benjaminvincent8059]

God bless Stephen Colbert! Thanks for giving me laughter in my misery over Trump!

[@NewMessage]

Individual #1 weighs the same as two regular individuals.

[@q345ify]

really? just 2?

[@Tmanaz480]

Individual 295#

[@BlakieTT]

Remember, *THE BEST PEOPLE!*

[@RobbieBackpacking]

Stephen for Chief Of Staff!

[@patricianpp]

Hysterical! Good thing we have free speech! TY!

[@JamesKelly-tn2oz]

You can't possibly be paying the person sitting in the Late Show offices examining and interpreting Trump's tweets enough...

[@virginloser4850]

/

[@go-goakins1489]

People are leaving the trump cabinet faster then they did on the titanic! Colbert show rules👏😎

[@danrion8839]

Totally clears the president from remaining brain cells.

[@CobbyLouis]

“I would like to humbly announce...” Colbert is so good with the voice. 😂😂😂😂

[@laurapinzon6343]

I didn't read the title of the video... and I chocked on my water when he said it

[@IndPolCom]

He gave to Charity 😂

[@brian554xx]

Stephen, Throwing your hat in the ring for a White House job is a big step in the right direction, but it's the wrong White House job! Throw your hat a little higher: #Colbert2020!!!

[@blowin4919]

Colbert monologue 12/11/18

[@jasondashney]

Good god no. Colbert used to be insightful and clever and funny and centre left but now he's gone off the deep end and is a full blown SJW. I'd be okay with 2007 Colbert running for office but not 2018 Colbert.

[@patrickmouzawak]

writers on this show are so damn good!

[@Nick7380]

Damn! where can I get one of those individual 1 foam fingers??

[@dallassmith7468]

'Smock on the water....a fire in White House'...( love Vlad)

[@christopherglowienka4680]

Stephen never runs out of steam doesn't he.

[@nickinurse6433]

Remember how things actually calmed down when Kelly took over? It's about to go back to animal house.

[@mimim7026]

Maybe for like four days or so. Which means it was still a flaming dumpster shit-storm circus by normal standards.

[@faceoff3315]

Make America great again Impeach Donald J Trump and Mike Pence

[@angelabluebird609]

Email, call your reps, along with your, "reps,". Sign the online petitions in support of the investigations, in objection to McConnell and in support of impeachment-ask your friends and families to do the same!

[@genghiskhan9269]

Nancy Pelosi must become number46

[@genghiskhan9269]

Nancy Pelosi for president 2019

[@sophiealexander1073]

Everyday Stephen explains my feelings so perfectly even when you can't explain it.

[@brysonwest93]

Why would anyone want the job?

[@g0679]

bryson west Would be amusing if he could find no one for the job.

[@brucemaytum7030]

Well just remember DJT has bragged for 2 years that many people are excited to work in his WH Staff.

[@Hockeyfan9884]

I asked months ago for Mr. Stephen Colbert to run for the 2020 Presidency and this is a GIANT leap forward. AWESOME. You Mr. Colbert brighten up thousands upon thousands of peoples lives. Best regards .

[@piedpiper1185]

Awwww, I was hoping for a new Hungry for Power Games.

[@agnesannrobin8692]

"Regret emoji" ugh, priceless!

[@PaulOntheDrums]

IF Stephen Colbert became Chief of Staff, that would be the best thing that has happened in the Drumpf Administration...

[@derry667dingo]

Well... done? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Colbert is a master of the comedic pause.

[@nathanjamesbaker]

Dear Donald: "Wooohhh!!! You're (individual) #1!!!"

[@indieguruge]

Individual-1 and “Totally clears the President” got me rofl 🤣. Individual-1 is a troll!

[@janetweiser3829]

Stephen! Stephen!

[@thelining4078]

Colbert for president. :)

[@brentanderson4285]

BREAKING NEWS...the White House has just(ly) installed a revolving door at the employee entrance! Trump's White House...where "Employee of the Month" takes on a whole new meaning!

[@CorvusCorax.]

LOL

[@Randomyoutubevideosforyou]

Well !!!!!! DONE

[@TheRealChimny]

Hmmmm another leader who finds comfort in blonde hair people hmmm this reminds me of someone.........................

[@ivonedefigueiredo9301]

TheWiseOne43 You’ll note that person was not blonde haired himself. The Aryan poster boys were an ideal. The real ideal was being of pure blood, in terms of ancestry.

[@jasondashney]

Didn't all the people who hate Trump want to vote for a blond haired person?

[@blazingcorsair7307]

@@jasondashney so did all the people who liked trump.

[@cyrilphang7390]

Don't forget blue eyes. That's a deal breaker.

[@JesseStu]

The Charity joke and the long list is very funny!

[@lexarico7606]

Stephen is too funny!

[@JaisonPrince]

Colbert is the best. 🤣🤣🤣

[@markuskoster8127]

Go for it

[@khuongkhuu7559]

Tiffany Trump will be the Next Chief of Staff

[@sailtheplains]

She's gotta be the only Trump laughing her ass off right now.

[@jusonedfinley5644]

If you don't like Stephen or his comedy, then turn back on Faux (Fox) news and continue to play the fools you are and live in lala land cuz this is freaking HILARIOUS 😂

[@ThatRandomAstronaut]

Stephen Colbert for Chief of Staff!!!! Yeahhhhh!

[@VaqueiroAruanda]

Where can I get one of those Individual-1 hands?

[@Straight2TheHeart]

4:18-4:44 was epic!

[@danieljob3184]

Good job, soldier. You did not accomplish much, but you came out of it alive. John Kelly everybody! Let's give him a standing ovation.

[@eMPee584]

Oh please dear Lord. Make this happen. Let us witness this.

[@KennyG881]

I wonder if I can buy one of those individual-1 foam fingers. Amazon, make it happen.

[@MrJjerrodriguez]

love your show!

[@seededsoul]

man, Dumpster is such an ego monster...he feels the need to say “President totally cleared!” in the face of certain implication.

[@brysonwest93]

Yes, esoecially astonishing to think he's qorked like this for years. Lose a lawsuit? Declare victory and move on. Despicable.

[@geoffaldwinckle1096]

In years from now my abiding memory of Trump will be Colbert's impersonations of him. Fantastic.

[@annarodriguez1581]

Get a brain !

[@TonySeptim]

That rose bit does not make sense. Trump wouldn't accept a "no" from a woman.

[@stranraerwal]

"Torso ventilation...spank bank." .GREAT !