“As a child I had a quick sand box. I was an only child…eventually.”
@markbarry99456 ай бұрын
"I have two very rare photographs, one of Houdini accidently locking himself out of his car, and the other of Norman Rockwell beating up a child."
@onetrueslave5 ай бұрын
I forgot about that one!!
@markbarry99455 ай бұрын
@onetrueslave "I met a nymphomaniac and she told me she was only into Jewish Cowboys, when she asked me my name, I told her 'Bucky Goldstein'"
@ward1424 ай бұрын
@@onetrueslave I got a picture of Elvis on black velvet, that was the name of the horse in the western movie.
@ToddWeiss-p6y6 ай бұрын
“You know you can’t have everything … Where would you put it anyway ? “ Genius Steven
@zilikneeАй бұрын
❤
@blackbird56348 ай бұрын
"Four years ago, no yesterday. Oh no that wasn't me.'' Steven Wright.
@spooge338 ай бұрын
"I have the largest seashell collection, I keep it scattered on all the beaches in the world."
@MLB90008 ай бұрын
"Maybe you've seen it"
@taylor-t1y8 ай бұрын
That pos is as funny as a frozen bootheel to the anus.
@ronaldwilliams69276 ай бұрын
My apartment was robbed and replaced with exact replicas of what was stolen.lol
@mcfcguvnors5 ай бұрын
"You Broke my mind"
@ballsnotrequired4 ай бұрын
My fav
@joelbeske15048 ай бұрын
His brain is in another dimension.
@StrangeTalesYT8 ай бұрын
Yeah, I wonder how he comes up with his jokes, especially the one about the camera 😂
@SunAndMirror8 ай бұрын
it IS another dimension
@michaelireland72396 ай бұрын
fucking a duuba he is a comic genius
@BillWilson-kd2jpАй бұрын
"Comedy is a bunch of funny lies"
@stevelandress6 ай бұрын
I love when he made himself laugh with the butterfly bit.
@FeatherC15 ай бұрын
"I intend to live forever, so far so good" -Steven Wright
@scottcollins50608 ай бұрын
One of the very funniest comedians on the planet!!!
@scottcollins50608 ай бұрын
Did you know that if your parents didn't have any children, that most likely you want either???
@Zac-ls6hn8 ай бұрын
I love Steven Wright but Norm MacDonald is the greatest comedian alive
@scottcollins50606 ай бұрын
Even if you didn't serve, so many of the final.
@carlcushmanhybels81595 ай бұрын
@@Zac-ls6hn Alive? I think not.
@chasersr24525 ай бұрын
Planet?
@Randycane59918 ай бұрын
The personality and the hair match , sometimes everything comes together perfect , funny dude
@Juvefan688 ай бұрын
When the great Billy Connolly says this guy is the funniest man on the planet, that's the highest praise you can get
@animaljustice77746 ай бұрын
I met billy one time. Great guy
@greatodinsraven51148 күн бұрын
Great story.
@rickyiglesias53847 ай бұрын
I feel like being friends with Steven Wright would be impossible hahaha. He'd be such a smartass all the time and you would never get a real honest talk out of him. hahaha love this dude.
@onetrueslave5 ай бұрын
But, you wouldn't wanna be friends with him.
@rickyiglesias53845 ай бұрын
@@onetrueslave correct.
@Rocksite16 ай бұрын
King of the surrealistic one-liners. It helps that Conan gets and enjoys his jokes. A few go uncomfortably dark. Still, a fave of mine. He'll start you off with two plausible things that just din't go together. "I had a friend who lived at a dead end at the end of a one-way street. Once you got there, you couldn't get out. He had a circular driveway. You just kept going around and around."
@5kMagic8 ай бұрын
“What’s another word for thesaurus?”
@ward1424 ай бұрын
I don't know! there is a lot of kinds of dinosaurs.
@markbarry99454 ай бұрын
"if a word was misspelled in the dictionary, how would we know?"
@kidwave18 ай бұрын
2 of my fav Steven Wright jokes, "I bought a cordless extension cord" lolol, and "I bought some powdered water but I dont know what to add to it"
@ward1424 ай бұрын
I bought some pampered milk once, it was too good for me.
@KB-eo9bu6 ай бұрын
Had a Dental Appointment Ate a Bag of Oreos before i went in! 😁🤣🤣
@ward1424 ай бұрын
Boy, that was a mouth full!
@adamdesanti67138 ай бұрын
"We moved around a lot because my father thought he was in the military."
@LowellUpchurch8 ай бұрын
That had me in tears lol
@realPenrodPooch7 ай бұрын
I really loved that one. What made it more amazing was that this quote scrolled up under the video at the exact moment he was saying it. Perfection!
@jcisme3 ай бұрын
He would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
@cthutu5 ай бұрын
My fav is: "I bought second-hand paint - it was in the shape of a house"
@MarkVance-r5d7 ай бұрын
I always wished I could be a bird. Why? So you could fly? No. So my shit would be white.
@cameronalexander3596 ай бұрын
Thanks, they silenced that bit out and I had no idea what the gag was.
@bender87848 ай бұрын
Not squishing a cocoon because he’s pro choice is a hilarious, laser level fast throwaway. This man’s brain is on another level
@StrangeTalesYT8 ай бұрын
That joke was genius 😂
@keithpatrick1568 ай бұрын
He must be proud to know that real-time animation has been achieved.
@stevetseitz4 ай бұрын
“A Scanner Darkly”?
@lynnsbomb6 ай бұрын
I got the honors of him making a guest appearance at the prince house of pizza in Saugus Ma. Me and my wife were actually talking about him and others on tbe way there to the comedy club and got lucky enough to see him perform. Always loved him.
@robertschelly5 ай бұрын
I saw a restaurant, the sign said "Breakfast Any Time." I went in and ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
@n9wff2 ай бұрын
I was pulled over for speeding. The cop told me the speed limit was 55 mph. I said, "I know but I wasn't going to be out that long."
@JoeBrrFan5 ай бұрын
Steven Wright was the first comedian I ever saw in person. Can't think of the name of the comedy club but it was near San Fran.. I had never even thought of going to a comedy club, but one night I was bored, and decided I would check it out. He was playing, never heard of him before.. I laughed so hard. I became addicted to comedy clubs. I must have seen over hundred different acts. Some made it big. Most didn't. But all were worth it. Thanks for the memories Steven. Lifesize map of the world. hahahah a
@spaceo85682 ай бұрын
The Confucius of Comedy. "No matter what temperature a room is it's always room temperature" is one of my favorite. So many favorites. The man is a legend.
@marshmangunnar91508 ай бұрын
It's the best when he cracks himself up
@angrybaby38478 ай бұрын
"I had a friend who was a radio dj. We once went on a road trip and whenever we went under a bridge i couldn't hear him"
@brandnewham5 ай бұрын
This one slays me, lol.
@tomharley74476 ай бұрын
He looks like a Mix of Christopher Lambert & Pauly Shore 😄
@tinaanoles-cochran25525 ай бұрын
Pauly Shore isn't funny at all!
@MrJohnr021421 күн бұрын
I see some Tim Conway in his face and facial expressions
@sullywinn42256 ай бұрын
"She hung herself, and we thought she was a piñata." 😂💀😂💀
@kevinluschak52418 ай бұрын
The man is in a world of his own.
@DavidRTribble7 ай бұрын
3:45 "It's my theory that the ending of the Cold War is what caused global warming."
@ballsnotrequired4 ай бұрын
Ahhha
@justinsampson49994 ай бұрын
I remember the first time I heard him 40 something years ago, he said, a joke that hooked me instantly. "Why do dogs hate when you blow in their face, but love to put their heads out the window?
@rustyking87833 ай бұрын
"I worked at a fire hydrant factory. We couldn't park anywhere near it."
@JGunit8 ай бұрын
"I don't hunt or anything, but butterflies are the only thing that I'll just kill" 😅
@realPenrodPooch7 ай бұрын
I love how under Steven Wright videos there's always a slew of jokes quoted in the Comments. I really only see that with Steven Wright and Rodney Dangerfield.
@aic83263 ай бұрын
@@realPenrodPooch ......mitch hedberg RIP
@realPenrodPooch3 ай бұрын
@@aic8326 Yeah. But not nearly as many. But that's no shot at Mitch. If he had lived to progress in his career, I imagine there'd be a lot more jokes from him, and thus a lot more quotes.
@aic83263 ай бұрын
@@realPenrodPooch lol every mitch hedberg video has quotes scattered throughout the comments in abundance
@realPenrodPooch3 ай бұрын
@@aic8326 He only has so many jokes for people to recite. Dangerfield and Wright had decades worth of material that people pull from.
@bkfabs6 ай бұрын
“ if you shoot a mime, do you use a silencer?”
@tryingtotryistrying8 ай бұрын
bringing a clip with kittens is ahead of it's time.
@BluntedZephyr6 ай бұрын
Steven Wright as a RCMP Officer in the movie Canadian Bacon. Better portrayal of a Canadian than even Dan Ackroyd's portrayal of an O.P.P Officer in same movie.
@ronocnayr6 ай бұрын
The other day I bought a pack of batteries, but they weren’t included - so I had to buy them again.
@timleathley63876 ай бұрын
😂
@ward1424 ай бұрын
I bought a battery on the internet, and they sent the wrong battery, it was a Tesa car battery, so I buried it now every time it rains, my yard catches fire.
@Basketfiller8 ай бұрын
Thankyou for this, great compilation.
@StrangeTalesYT8 ай бұрын
Thank you! Part 2 of this coming soon 🎉
@edcctf6 ай бұрын
I had some powdered water. I didn’t know what to add.
@ward1424 ай бұрын
I bought some powdered water, I added water, and got twice the water I had added!
@TheJunehog6 ай бұрын
The guy is a living Zen koan.
@randomdude1896 ай бұрын
He’s so damn funny
@MarkVance-r5d7 ай бұрын
I have a cd burner. It’s a fireplace.
@TresLanes5 ай бұрын
They say practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect. So i stopped practicing.
@bradstephan78865 ай бұрын
Conan was the perfect host for Steven Wright.
@RLonHubbard4 ай бұрын
Would love to have seen a debate between Stephen Wright, and Norm McDonald
@Kevin-v6mАй бұрын
That would be so excellent! Hahaha
@raradis8 ай бұрын
Somehow we find everything he says logical, but his logic is way beyond ours. That's how probably geniuses work. :) Thanks for the compilation. This makes me miss Norm..
@StrangeTalesYT8 ай бұрын
Agreed Thanks for watching
@lauralovell94736 ай бұрын
I would have loved to have seen him and Norm go back and forth.
@chasscollard42546 ай бұрын
Norm was the master of the non sequitur.
@AIRBRUSHGARAGE5 ай бұрын
“The Indy 500… if they left sooner, they wouldn’t have to drive do fast!”
@gerryboudreaultboudreault26086 ай бұрын
Remember the old sitcom "Becker"?(Ted Danson). Wright appeared frequently as a neurotic patient.
@thetweakjunkie15765 ай бұрын
24 Hr banking? I don't have time for that.
@thavith6 ай бұрын
So, Steven Wright started the whole "cat video" thing...
@melancholymoshpit6 ай бұрын
If Steven Wright ever meets Theo Von I can only pray that the fabric of space time will be able to remain stable.
@caryd678 ай бұрын
“Yesterday I went to a garage sale and bought a cordless extension cord.”
@rgflintАй бұрын
One of greatest. Most unique way of telling jokes
@MarkVance-r5d7 ай бұрын
I went to the store to buy a quart of milk. When I got to the cashier, I said, “Hello. How are you?” She said, “Is that all?” I said, “No. I’d like to buy this.”
@ward1424 ай бұрын
One time I got caught in a downpour on the way into a restaurant, the cashier ask if it was raining, I said no, I sweat a lot!
@ward1424 ай бұрын
When I bought a quart of milk the cashier asked if I wanted it in a bag, I said no! Just leave it in the jug.
@billhobbs70778 ай бұрын
we moved a lot because my father thought he was in the military??? straight up comedy genius
@mikeplantagenet29836 ай бұрын
40 years ago, I thought you were weird but hilarious. '- ; # Nothing has changed except my punctuation . And that is just the way we should be. Never give up man! 🤣🤣🤣
@blakewilliams37028 ай бұрын
I love seeing him get tickled himself! Too funny.
@placebojesus56528 ай бұрын
Steven Wright is like a wonderful blend of Andy Kaufman and Mitch Hedberg with some magical third element that I don’t know of anyone whom has. Maybe some OG deadpan comic like Buster Keaton or something lol.
@placebojesus56528 ай бұрын
How is this guy not considered along the Carlins and Pryors and Chappelles et al
@peoplelikefrank8 ай бұрын
@@placebojesus5652he isn’t?
@josephhogarth69158 ай бұрын
He was in Half Baked with Chappelle.
@icechingu7 ай бұрын
Body of work. Those comedians have released a lot more material than Steven Wright has. I think When the Leaves Blow Away is comparable to any of their specials though, even Killing Them Softly.
@ballsnotrequired4 ай бұрын
Aww Mitch RIP
@andyorr15975 ай бұрын
Eskimo Nell’s in Arlington, VA circa 1983. He blew our minds.
@BRLaue5 ай бұрын
I have a friend who is a dj. When we go through a tunnel, and he’s talking, you can’t hear him.
@Matchhead798 ай бұрын
His unfinished jokes are the best
@Zac-ls6hn8 ай бұрын
If Steven wright i don't wanna be wrong
@randallross4208 ай бұрын
I love the guy on the couch
@daveman4398 ай бұрын
On writing music- I thought he was going to start with white noise.😅😅
@kimspooner54647 күн бұрын
I put my key into the door of my apartment building and it started up. So I drove it around the neighborhood. I was stopped by the police. The cop asked me where I live, and I said here.
@MitsuoRLCoach2 ай бұрын
“My friend and I drove cross country so we split the driving we switched every half mile. The entire way we only one cassette to listen to……but I can’t remember what it was”
@Michael-nc3ibАй бұрын
Steven Wright is literally andy cauffman. His jokes is he can never tell when hes joking and telling the truth because of his dry dark humor. And it really looks like a joke made just for him because he gets to fuck with people all the time for a living and know one truely knows who you were.
@DrTomoculus5 ай бұрын
"the ending of the cold war, is what caused global warming." He doesn't know how right he is!!!
@august_astrom3 ай бұрын
That was actually a pretty clever pro-choice joke. Reminds me of the George Carlin joke, "if you're pre-born, you're fine; if you're pre-schooled, you're fucked!"
@danielm.taddeo21862 ай бұрын
I needed that.
@aic83264 ай бұрын
Fired from a pet store for braiding 3 snakes together, and shaving the rabbits and dipping them in boiling hot chocolate around easter...... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@oftenwrong.6 ай бұрын
My father thought he was in the military
@penguinistaАй бұрын
He is a special talent.
21 күн бұрын
'The end of the cold war is what caused global warming; More truth in that joke than people might want to accept.
@MarkMcCluney8 ай бұрын
Hugely ahead of his time with the kittens...
@StrangeTalesYT8 ай бұрын
So true, I love that part too.
@MarkMcCluney8 ай бұрын
@@StrangeTalesYT I liked the clip with the cornflakes too. Paul Merton had a very similar (by which I mean exactly the same) bit on his show back in the late Eighties. I wonder...
@j.kevvideoproductions.64638 ай бұрын
Cutting edge!
@TalsBadKidney8 ай бұрын
2:30 david foster wallace literally did this
@animaljustice77746 ай бұрын
His bald spot and his hair. I can’t avoid looking at it
@StrangeTalesYT6 ай бұрын
Lol
@charleswalters5284Ай бұрын
He wasn't bald. He just shaved the top of his head
@jimbograves15764 ай бұрын
If your knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like?
@charleswalters5284Ай бұрын
Kelly bundy
@ToddWeiss-p6y6 ай бұрын
I’m just glad Steven did not go Hollywood and take the easy part of Larry Fine… Steven is great !
@fanficfan8599Ай бұрын
This guy makes me realize how normal I really am...
@MrGarysugarman7 ай бұрын
Larry Fine's grandson.
@kevinbunn79156 ай бұрын
I'm for real like that with food. If I didn't have to eat I wouldn't
@robertward5230Ай бұрын
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
@ewajohansson8398Ай бұрын
Such fun😂
@kariporter29757 ай бұрын
Ghosts are not all dead!! ALERT some ghosts are just visiting you BUT THEY STILL HAVE A BODY.
@kariporter29757 ай бұрын
I am sorry, Stephen, I thought you were dead.
@freewheelburning88348 ай бұрын
he should have been on Seinfeld
@ExclusiveLM10 күн бұрын
Steven always looks like he is wearing a disguise as part of his witnes protection plan. But that's just him. Disheveled and funny.
@BillWilson-kd2jpАй бұрын
I understand now why Steven wears a hat most of the time.... To keep the deep thoughts in.
@ClintSlingerlandАй бұрын
Fucking guy is so funny love him so much ❤
@Novastar.SaberCombat2 ай бұрын
I have a complete and fully operational replica model of the planet in its entirety. Unfortunately, it's actual size.
@skepticon93906 ай бұрын
I much prefer the pairing of Steven Wright and Craig Ferguson on the Late Late Show. Ferguson had no problem following Wright down his trademark rabbit hole - often leaving Steven Wright laughing hardest of all.
@ComaDave8 ай бұрын
09:31 His face. 😂
@StrangeTalesYT8 ай бұрын
lol
@sanjomona8 ай бұрын
My style of comedy
@Bill_Woo5 ай бұрын
I used to take my dog for a walk around the building...
@MitsuoRLCoach2 ай бұрын
On the ledge
@broncobilly40294 ай бұрын
What happened to Steven Wright? Anybody know? He's not in public anymore.