Midweek with Dr. C- How Did I Get Into Such A Mess With The Narcissist?

[@stephaniehepler8341]

I remember having second thoughts on my wedding day. Trust what your body is telling you. Twenty years later I am at the beginning of divorce proceedings with a very contemptuous entitled narcissist. If only I had trusted myself way back then…

[@elainesmith5313]

Me too!

[@Mr8t0]

Don’t take it on yourself. They are the ones that took to the darkness. Get away as clean as you can but you’re getting away🎉. My vul.narc. Supposed wife of 40 years waited until our honeymoon evening to fall into darkness, giving me my first glimpse.

[@kirstinebjerregaard2969]

I had the same experience,my husband only married me because he needed someone to take care of him, he got multiple sclerosis and died after I took care of him for 27 years.

[@LindaLouiseFord]

Im sorry. It happens but we learn and get through the legal piece. There is such a wealth of info here to process. You will get better and better and more at peace. It is normal I believe to be angry at oneself but truly, if we knew what we know now, we woulda coulda shoulda. I hope you live a long time, have great new friends, process things fully and find ways to help yourself and others. Life can get better. Likely it will. We have tools that did not exist before thanks to Dr Carter.

[@shannonwalsh1780]

Me too, started working on it three years ago and finally see the light at the end of the tunnel now. Hopefully have the certificate by year end . Keep going. It’s worth it

[@StrawberryFields-1]

Thank you. Your videos help calm me, and give me a safe place.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Amen. ❤

[@michelepascoe6068]

Always encouragement from Dr C ❤ One way I got into the mess was by assuming the other person thought like me ... that they wanted love and harmony, and valued honesty and integrity. Not so ... some people want power, which never occurred to me!

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

A+. I agree. Thank you for this comment.

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@Rachel-mz8ko Lundy Bancroft elaborates on that in his book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men". I found it helpful even though my mother was our family's primary narcissist, and she was very covert and acted harmless. I didn't recognise the abuse because there was no physical or sexual abuse or physical neglect or yelling, swearing, or abusing substances. It was all psychological and emotional abuse and neglect. Even though I was afraid of her and saw the harm, I just thought I had to try harder and she misunderstood. We all pandered to her whims and ideas and she always got her way. Everyone else looked like the problem while she mildly observed the damage, with pleasure. The book explains how a controller manipulates a people pleaser. Whether it's an uneducated brute of a man who beats his wife, or a spiteful, professional woman who alienates her children from their father, they are thinking the same way, and have similar character flaws.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

@@michelepascoe6068 Thank you, Michele, for the book recommendation and sharing your experiences. I've had significant run-ins with at least three narcissists in my life: my mother, my husband and a past supervisor. The supervisor was very much on the extreme end of the spectrum but the experience was relatively short-lived. It was my on-going experience with my husband that brought me to Dr. C's channel. Dr. C has been extremely effective at helping me regain a large part of myself in dealing with him. Although I knew I had had some terrible times earlier in my life, I didn't recognize that my mother fell into the narcissist category for many months. I am very happy (but surprised) to hear that you have gotten some mastery over your situation with your mother. I, just yesterday, advised Dr. C that I will be taking a step back from the channel because I don't think past is resolvable. She passed away a little over three years so, so it's not like I have to deal with her in the present. Your comment was very helpful to me because it reminded me (at a critical point) how I was ensnared by my narcissistic husband. .... I'm so glad to hear you have found some resolution to your situation with your mother. I still intend to take a step back, but I'll check in periodically. I hope to hear from you again.

[@bereal6590]

Same here, I also got that book after being in a d.v, relationship and as an offshoot recognised my father as well. It's taken much longer to see who my mother is. She has made so many disparaging and idiotic comments including about my ex, telling me she could have handled him, that I could go back to him. What mother would make their child feel like d.v. was their fault! It didn't dawn on me that she is such a person. Then I get card like my birthday saying all sorts of sloppy loving messages. She likes tk attach to needy, weaker people going through problems and 'help'. Guiting is her favourite ploy, including builtin me for being ill! My nex still continues to text call send cards! Does my head in✌

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@bereal6590 that is so hard, and confusing for you. Thank goodness for Dr C! Yes, I didn't realise that my mother was the controller because our attention was always on the person reacting emotionally (to her trouble stirring, accusations and drama). She played us all for fools and acted harmless. Learning about covert narcissistic abuse and parental alienation answered all my questions. Keep learning and practising better ways 🙂

[@JamieWhitaker-l7b]

I appreciate that you aren’t divisive with politics and respect others having their own views.

[@Dana-gj5hr]

Likewise, you don’t judge religion(s) vs non religious.

[@lisaa.powell3634]

Looking forward to tomorrow's video. Thank you Dr. C for you are a blessing.

[@monicaelyn2393]

After consistently watching these videos for a couple of years...this truly feels like a family. Big hugs to Les and Jennifer who are so consistent and passionate for the topic of (ultimately) 'love.'

[@rwdchannel2901]

I was adopted by narcissists when I was 5 years-old, so it wasn't my choice to get mixed up with narcissists. They taught me quickly that if I didn't obey their every whim, I would be abandoned. The way my mother taught me that was by telling my 3 siblings(I was the youngest in my family), my father, and my grandmother to give me the silent treatment until she said they could talk to me. She waited until I cried and was emotionally broken to temporarily accept me back into the family. I say 'temporarily' because her rage could easily be triggered and I would get another round of silent treatment. I went no contact with my mother when I was 18 years-old. I went no contact with my father when I was 36 years-old. The both divorced when I was 15 years-old. I should have gone no contact with my father when I was 18 years-old, but I didn't realize he was going to try and sabotage me the rest of my life. I knew he was playing flying monkey for my mother and betraying me, but I just didn't want to believe he didn't care about me at all. Thankfully I didn't get married to a narcissist. I've had plenty of highly narcissistic managers at work and I've had to change jobs because of it.

[@carmencann8371]

@@rwdchannel2901 what a sad childhood/ young adulthood! You have done amazing to have survived the misfortunes and be able to clearly articulate what happened to you and make a healthy choice in a marriage partner! Way to go! We can’t always choose who we will be exposed to in life but we can choose who we will be in it moving forward. You are an inspiration… a true overcomer! You have applied knowledge and wisdom from these experiences, set healthy boundaries and in a healthy wholesome way protect yourself from unnecessary ‘supply’ in your now world. This has been a great cost to you, but necessary. What an inspiration you are!

[@Rut-vi7iz]

Thank you for your professionalism regarding politics. I wish everyone followed that professionalism.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome.

[@majestic.feminine]

Dr. C, my intuitive thought is: "I didn't come here to fight with people." No fighting..

[@chriswalls5831]

Starting with family members going along with other people behind youre back

[@proverbs2522]

Good morning everyone

[@amandagish5976]

Dr. Carter, I have no desire to know anything about you except how you can help me heal. That colors how I feel about your help if i know. Of course I always care that you and your family are doing well, Gus included. Big pets to Gus. You are helping all of us do us, and that's all we need.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Amanda.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Indeed. I got myself in a mess and got myself out on more than one occasion. On the other occasions, at least I have the help of Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤️

[@caroleminke6116]

Me 2 ❤️‍🩹

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@caroleminke6116 ❤️‍🩹

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@caroleminke6116 Take care ❤️‍🩹

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@caroleminke6116 Again, KZbin blocked my response. I had just said ❤️‍🩹 back to you 💕

[@hanichay1163]

We have seen our daughter totally flip her beliefs and worldview in her early 30s since covid. She went from a delight to a nightmare, full of blame, resentment, and criticism, cutting herself off from family. Full of grandiose/victim mentality. Cruel, with zero tolerance toward those who love her most. Breaking the hearts of siblings and parents.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

It seems to me that all the nasty things narcissists do to "keep you in your place" are the very things that, eventually, drive you away to a new and better place. Irony? Karma?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're onto it, Click Train.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

@@SurvivingNarcissism So, when they see you slipping away and double up on their efforts, they only drive you away faster.

[@Hatbox948]

I confess I've said "up yours" once or twice to someone during my lifetime lol.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Ok, we'll give you a pass this time!!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@Hatbox948 Good for you 👍

[@michellehill718]

lol 😊

[@lynny5510]

I was born into it. My father is a narcissist and my mother is a covert narcissist. I am 57 and still living the nightmare. It only gets worse as they age.

[@susannakotoff7095]

yes, Ive took the bait, too many years grey rocking . She started and I reacted to the abuse. I end it with no contact.

[@PatThoms]

In retrospect I remember my mother not doing anything for me. No birthday celebrations - not even a cake, no decorations/celebrations for Christmas or other holidays, no extracurricular activities or family get togethers, etc. She did not even attend my baby shower which was arranged by someone else. As an adult when I asked about these behaviors her reasoning was that she was never given these things (she did have a difficult childhood). My father eventually left her but remained in my life as a very supportive parent. I would describe her as a vulnerable narcissist who has not changed and still displays the same selfish, irrational, behaviors and reasoning.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Thank you, Dr. Carter, for everything. Your channel has been a tremendous help to me; but, I've decided to take step back. I need to focus on being as constructive as possible in the present. The past is uncorrectable and, on a human level, probably unavoidable. Best wishes. ❤

[@stavrouladimakis1943]

God bless you Dr C. You give wise in depth analysis/ solutions. Most in your profession lack wisdom and the advice they give is just superficial intellectualism..

[@Lupacool]

I’m at the point where this is all just a Review of things I’ve learned the last 12-13 years. Very grateful

[@caroleminke6116]

Missed the live today 🤦‍♀️ beach healing day 🤷‍♀️ enjoying life one day at a time now 🧜‍♀️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@caroleminke6116 That's a good plan ❤️‍🩹

[@t_nels]

🩵🏖☀️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@caroleminke6116 I replied but it hasn't shown 😔

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@caroleminke6116 Originally I think I said It seems like a good plan 💕

[@mday3821]

Enjoy the beach for me, if you don't mind.😊

[@stlukes09bymycreator98]

Dr. L. Carter I never leave comments due to the fact that if I ever find myself in a court room I wanted to watch what I say, but I couldn’t help mentioning you to my phycologist today (09-11-24). His name is Mr.Matt Woodward and if you don’t recall him that’s fine and so he had said to me he had knew who you were, and it just made my day I have been watching you for quite a while and I just wanted to mention this to you. I really enjoy your videos although I am not sure if my other is actually an narcissist or not but what you talk about and your description of one and the comments I read I am almost sure my other is a narcissist. I am going through a difficult time right now in my life and I had said to myself I wish you were in my area that is before you had mentioned on another video that you were retired. Oh well I can still watch and learn 😊and I appreciate all you do thank you so much 🙏🇺🇸.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Tell Matt that I'm honored!

[@stlukes09bymycreator98]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I sure will Dr. Carter. Thank you so much for replying I have I have a long life story to tell as I’m sure many do I have been watching your videos and a couple of others researching what exactly a Narcissist actually is and it blew me away when it described my other half to a T’ and so I became a sub and been watching every chance I get , 44 years of marriage and I’m fighting hard but sadly to say the outcome doesn’t look good and I just appreciate it so much because most others would not have replied back thank you. God Bless You for all you do and have done🙏🇺🇸.

[@bossyjossy14]

thanks for answering my question Dr C I hope it's ok if I have more in the future but either way I plan to continue watching your lives each week along with your other videos

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome. Thanks for sending it!

[@janicekagenski1638]

I cannot thank you enough for addressing the normal parents/ adult narcissistic child dynamic. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@stevenmorgan6164]

Thank you Dr Carter

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@tsebosei1285]

Intro got me 😅😅😅

[@loekiekanters4295]

Dr C for President!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Please don't wish that on me!!!

[@loekiekanters4295]

@@SurvivingNarcissism 😀

[@MaxLauderStudio]

Thank you.

[@artistmaureensharkey5321]

Do you believe emotions can cause death? Before my Mother passed 10 years ago, I had become so down from her malignant narcissistic behavior towards me, that I wrote her in a letter, what impact I felt her specific treatment of me caused negatively, in my life. 6 months later she started to become paralyzed from lesions growing on her spinal column. Unheard of, said the University of Michigan. 1 year after the letter, at age 86, she died.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Maureen...Many studies show how emotions can contribute to death experiences. Depression, anxiety, anger, fear (dread), to name a few, are quite impactful on organ functions, especially with the heart.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Hi, Maureen. 86-yrs is a pretty decent life-span. While your letter may have caused your mom some emotional distress, I would think all of the negative emotion she had carried around as a malignant narcissist caused greater harm.

[@trudismith9712]

Hi Maureen, My daughter suffered under my Narc husband. I was so ignorant and feel guilty. My son suffered from excema as a boy. My daughter had an operation in February this year, and within one month in August, she had a very invasive bowl cancer successfully removed. She is positive and focused. My daughter follows Dr Gabor Mate and she reads his book. Dr Carter talks to us, which suits me better than listening to Dr Gabor Mate who talks only on Interviews with medical Doctors ( if i get it right) Now it hits my family, i start to question why so many young people in their late 40s develop cancer. In our cul-de-sac where i live, 4 young people have cancer, Brian sadly died. Is it just that we are more aware of cancer. Hope you don't mind my long comment. Trudi

[@KristinLewis-gg5yl]

Timeout seems to be a reasonable way to treat troublemakers, problems. Wherever we can isolate overwhelming problems, in a timeout fashion of discipline, ...like prisoners in a cell, jail, etc.. Timeout instead of constant cruelty is better education for insane criminals. Timeout with security of course in prisons, etc.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

I would love to learn more about people who are scapegoats in a narcissistic family who grow up to be narcissitic or to have narcissitic traits, perhaps because it is all they learned.

[@lc6809-lc]

Your information is quite good for those in/coming out of these relationships. But so much damage is done in the interim, and quite often there are family members who are trying to help. When you ask these individuals in these relationships "What is it that you would have responded to that could have helped you exit this sooner? What could someone who truly cares for you done or said to prompt the insight you needed? What is it you wish that someone had said or done to help you? When you were thinking about leaving, what did you need that someone else would have likely provided, and how could they have presented that to you so you would accept it? " what are the common threads in the answers?

[@paulaharris9079]

Could you please talk about emotional incest?

[@Kimberly-lq3ez]

I test as an ENTJ. I struggle at times to understand sensors. I do try to keep an open mind with everyone. The problem with me and the narcissist I’ve been with for many years is I try to use logic, intuition and common sense with him which always backfires. Statements out of concerns are seen as attacks.

[@bkb2012]

❤❤❤😂😂😂 Love team healthy

[@darinsmith2458]

My alanonic codependent part would say that I am here to serve others.. Now my HP's will says not to be taken advantage of.. It goes by a case by case basis.. People who just take and take without giving my HP is working through me to say that is not ok.. Dr. Phil said when he was working in the hospital there was a principle about not doing for someone what they can do for themselves.. That is what my HP is working on with me.. 1. Adult Children.. My experience is that it is a learned behavior.. If the parents are Narcissists then the Children's world is of Narcissism.. 2. Minimum Contact.. One of the Laundry List Traits in ACA is: We get guilt feelings for standing up for ourselves.. I still get guilt feelings when I stand up for myself but I still stand up for myself.. 3. Worse with age.. This kind of goes with my morals/ethics.. What is the line of no return? The habit is of getting worse.. 4. Happiness/Excitement.. After I accepted my HP I moved back to where I grew up.. When I went back to the gym and saw one of the people from my past they asked me why I was so happy and I asked "Why are you so miserable?" 5. Shame/Disappointment.. First I ask if it is mine or theirs then I ask if this is what I want? My experience is that shame/disappointment is actually excitement.. Am I addicted to excitement? There is a term that is slipping my mind.. Something about we go to negative stuff like shame and excitement to create excitement.. I am sure I will remember this after I get all done with my comments.. 6. Narcissistic Children.. My perspective comes as the child but I will say when it comes to addictive kids the same principles apply as the addictive parents.. Enabling is enabling.. 7. Public.. It kind of depends.. I have had experiences in restaurants and at stores and such where they are extremely pushy.. 8. Parents.. When I was in high school I had 3 jobs and if I wanted to do any sports I had to pay for a car and insurance and I had to drive there.. They weren't at any games or events.. 9. Therapists for Trauma Bond.. I probably have that.. I have had a difficult time with therapists and I have had a difficult time with therapist working on PTSD.. 10. Narcissistic Characteristics vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder.. I think they are both on a scale with NPD being further on that scale..

[@ClickerTrainer1]

I'ld love to know how growing up in a narcissistic family with lots of misuse of words, such as mislabeling emotions or actions, mislabeling what happened, etc. can affect lead someone to use words imprecisely in adulthood.

[@leeannerose8393]

Ive signed up for my first webinar. :)

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hope it meets your expectations!

[@leeannerose8393]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Im sure Ill be very happy

[@markjayw666]

Because I did not do a good enough background check. 😉

[@caroleminke6116]

Join that club ❤️‍🩹

[@jessc2090]

Over the many years of learning how to live with a narc, I have gotten pretty good about keeping my distance, gray-rocking, and living my life alone, not waiting for a good outcome to come from my partner. One thing I have an extremely hard time with is that, when we are with family or friends, he turns up the notch tenfold in trying to make me angry and insecure by making statements that are untrue, and by making me look foolish and inadequate. I can’t even defend myself in front of others because it will just make me feel like I am whining, being a bitch and trying to turn the tables and make him look bad. All I can do is keep my mouth shut and sit with the anger.

[@barbarascoggins5239]

💯

[@wanderer0617]

Thanks for clarify politics, although there's one situation that is so triggering for me, very narcissistic, but I have refrained. No names mentioned, but boy, with the narcissist I was with that I'm still reeling from since I left, it's triggering. A lot of them out there. Once you know, you can't unsee it.

[@Smileyfaceforever]

Sounds familiar!!!

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

I love my children even though I had to share them with a malignant narcissist. He isn’t capable of love; just possession. When he realized I had something he couldn’t have he destroyed our relationship. I think I abused, killed and ate children. That would explain it. He has also done this with anybody I can’t avoid bringing around. It proves what a nasty person I am when everyone ghosts me. So l called my friends from 20 years ago and not one questioned why I was completely done.

[@mikediamond353]

Help Me! I'm Not Sliding!

[@hdesc4691]

Another helpful video - Thank you. Can you share the title of the book your granddaughter likes about decision making? I have a granddaughter similar age and always looking for good reads. Thanks.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

My notes with time stamps for questions: 2:50 How many times have you been with this person and you think "There's something really strange here. There's something way off. How did I get into this mess?" You're trying to make sense of something that's non sensible and therein lies much of the problem. QUESTION 1 4:02 This person says "Why am I here?" And then they answer "To bring beauty into the world, to let my heart explore the world, and to nourish my soul until the day that I'm embraced by death. Life is not without struggle without pain or without hardship but it can still be beautiful and peaceful and a wonder to behold." This is the intuitive, and that's intuitive thinking that they're doing, going into the analytical thinking. About 3 out of 4 people don't really think that way. They're more of a black and white. That doesn't mean they're bad people but they just don't think on that in-depth level. "Do you think it's going to snow today?" is about as far as they can go. QUESTION 2 6:55 This person says "Can a person become a narcissist after young adulthood? The couple married at age 21 and over time the wife has taken on the behavior of her overt abusive husband. The older children won't speak with any of them except in a superficial way." Can a person become narcissist in young adulthood? Yes. And the deeper you go into narcissism, the harder it is to get out. At age 25-40 you still have time to pull out of it. Beyond 40 you can see that most individuals are going to be pretty entrenched. There are some individuals, and these tend to be intuitive types or they at least have some ability in that direction, who, at age 40-50, who will say "I've had patterns in play and it hasn't really worked out." And these are individuals who might be prone toward a midlife crisis, but instead they make a midlife adjustment.There's a skill set. QUESTION 3 12:46 This person asked "After trying to have a simple discussion with a narcissist which turned into chaotic mess, I went minimal contact for a week. Just yes or no. Now he's in the love bombing stage and I have started talking more. Why do I feel guilty about not being able to stay in minimal contact?" Don't take that guilt on yourself. What happens is you can start with a notion that says "When we disagree it doesn't have to become chaotic, we can do better. I'm willing to do better." When that other person says "I'm not." and they just descend into the chaos, then it's going to create frustration. You don't have to apologize for saying "This is not working for me." What you're referring to as guilt would more appropriately be called grief. "I feel sadness that he won't join me." "I have not only the ability but the willingness to talk it through." Reassess relationship. Allow yourself to have more of a sadness and a grief but don't take the guilt on yourself. QUESTION 4 16:37 Why does the narcissist's destructive words and behavior typically get worse with the passage of time? My malignant narcissist mother is 10 times worse at 82 than she was in her 30s. My covert narcissistic ex-husband got more bizarre and irrational and manipulative and deceitful." What is what is it that will prompt any individual to make psychological changes? First and foremost, you have to say "I need to change." And therein lies the problem. We can't get the step two because we can't get through step one. "There's something going on inside me that needs to be different. There's a pattern and I don't like. I need to take a hard look at who I am. I need to take responsibility for myself." Is that what you hear narcissists say? No. Whenever problems and strains come along, they go straight into the external problem solving mode. It's evidence of weak and dependent kind of attitudes that they have not come to terms with. They don't have the internal skills to draw upon because they've lived their life so externally based. QUESTION 5 21:32 "If the narcissist I live with sees any sign of happiness or excitement within me he will immediately take it away. Why?" Envy. Whether it's conscious or subconscious, there's an anger. Envy is a subtle form of anger. "If something good doesn't happen to me then it must be someone else's fault." They have all this circular, weirdo kind of 'reasoning' and illogic and wacky ways that they try to draw conclusions. "When good things happen to others, it makes me feel less than." - because they're so competitive. So, you just go right ahead and continue whatever it is you're doing that brings you joy. If the narcissist says "I can't deal with that.", then my response "I see that." And then you go on and be who you are anyway. QUESTION 6 24:28 This person asks "How do you deal with the shame and disappointment in yourself for falling into the constant baiting and blood sucking when you blow up at the narcissist and give them what they want?" Sometimes there's a valid message at the base of the anger. You may be thinking "I want to be treated with better respect." It's not wrong that you feel anger, but then ask "What am I going to do as opposed to yelling?" It doesn't mean that you cease having anger, but you come up with your own separate ways of thinking and being. "My defenses are triggered. What's that all about?" So you begin developing your own strategies of anger management - where your security comes from what your communication style looks like. How many times does a narcissist say "I'd like to join you in that."? They don't. All they do is draw chaos from you because it allows them to take the focus off of the chaos within themselves. Individualize your own personal growth; don't wait for the other person to catch up with you. QUESTION 7 29:04 This person says "I see a lot of videos about narcissists, but I've not found any about normal parents of narcissistic adult children. What about the parents who are not narcissistic? How should they deal with the situation? Sometimes the blame lays with mom and dad and it's glaringly obvious; other times there are many other factors at play. QUESTION 8 33:14 The next question, "Do you think that the harder that person tries to create a public persona, the more they're trying to hide?" When they're out in public, they're working hard to prove how nice they are or helpful or friendly or accomplished or whatever. They can be in a very strong cover up mode. "All I want to do is what's easy, what's superficial. If I can show myself to be one way then that's fine." QUESTION 9 35:20 This one says "Can you explain why a narcissistic parent won't do anything for you? Is it because of the power dynamic? My parent won't take me to school, won't sign me up for any extracurricular activity, won't take me out in any way at all, and I mean nothing." I go back to that psychological laziness. Narcissists don't want to take responsibility for who they are. They don't understand that relationships are not just something that you just show up for. Relationships require a commitment. If you take on the role as parent, there's a commitment.Part of that commitment means that you're willing to examine yourself and learn and adjust and evolve as the years go by. As you get away from your family of origin, you can think "I'm that learner. I'm that intuitive person. I will take responsibility for who I am. I'll take the things that I did not like and use it as a springboard for determining what the better alternatives are." QUESTION 10 38:31 Another question, "Can someone be both a covert narcissist and an overt narcissist depending on who they are with or the situation that they're in?" That's very common. In their manipulative spirit, they will take a 'whatever works' mentality. QUESTION 11 40:35 This person says "Do you feel that someone trying to recover from a trauma bond with a long term love with a narcissist should only do therapy with a therapist that has experienced trauma bonding? I started therapy with someone and I felt they had no clue about what I was going through or feeling." Not 100%. The primary thing is you want that to know that you are dealing with somebody who has a very empathetic attitude and they want to help empower you to find out who you are. QUESTION 12 42:37 This person asked "How do you tell the difference between someone who has narcissistic characteristics and someone who has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder)? Isn't NPD worse?" Yes. With NPD, they are on the far end of the spectrum. They are so eaten up by their selfishness, their manipulations, their willingness to exploit people, by their need for dominance, by their insensitivities. It's so pervasive that they cannot pull out of it. If anything they can even be proud of it.

[@jordyn8498]

Hey Doc, how do you know when you should stop giving the narcissist the benefit of the doubt and start coming to terms that it’s simply their personality and they’re not going to change? Examples of family members would be helpful. Thanks!

[@ClickerTrainer1]

Dr. C, in the fourth question, you mention narcissists being externally based. In the case of a scapegoat being raised in a malignant narcissistic family, can that external base be, essentially, forced on them? They are not allowed to act on their own feelings but required to go alone with 'family feelings.' True, they will still have feelings, but with a childhood of not being able to treat those as valid and instead having to prioritize their mother's feelings in order to avoid even more emotional abuse, can this external base be established and continue long after childhood? If so, how can they grow up and out of that?

[@loricooper8845]

of course bait..take..later think the logical answer.either way it, cant be controlled.only silenced.

[@SlobArt]

24:59 🖐️ 🤚🏿 ✋🏻 🖐️ 🤚🏿 way too often.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Political things dont matter when it comes to this... but we do see right from wrong

[@diannewible3879]

😢

[@charmee4045]

Never talk about politics or religion........never......ever

[@Mr8t0]

You said that this is been going on for millennia and I’m sure that’s completely accurate, but is there anything that shows that it has been increasing at all over the years?

[@bereal6590]

I think the difference is, it's now rewarded. Imo this started in the 80's with selfishness and greed becoming goals.

[@Mr8t0]

@@bereal6590 I think it was looked up to even more in the past. The narcissist is born from trauma at an early age so how do you connect acceptance with a bloom of narcissism?

[@bereal6590]

@@Mr8t0 the traits of entitlement and walking over other, having less empathy and being in it for yourself are now values of success. In the past these behaviours did not necessarily mean you'd be liked and successful. It's not where the narcissistic behaviours are borne from but to what degree they're not held in check by society ✌️