7 Dangerous Assumptions A Narcissist Wants You To Accept

[@WorkingProgress17]

They absolutely ruin lives. They are miserable and empty individuals but it's so important to change what makes us fall prey to these people.

[@MarlanWarren]

"Bullies don't make good teachers." Thank you!

[@smithashenoy2742]

Left my job.. Left my pride.. Wasted my Tallent.. Just for a family. Feeling broken inside. Now decided to leave this mess and move on. Thank u so much for this insightful messages

[@lizizhu1843]

The best way to deal with a narc is to not engage. That's it. Once you recognize or identify a narc, stay away from them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, plain and simple.

[@janettemartin4604]

REMEMBER they tell EVERYONE how much you are to BLAME! EVERYONE!

[@christinelaford8449]

Waste of energy to try to reason with. It's impossible because the illusion they believe is mind-numbing to the victim. I'm an analytical person & this is the worst. It is hard to not know what is happening. But I'm learning to just walk away...& to say no to any unfair demands. I love to see the dejected look on him; Sure beats the smug sickly smile.

[@douaa1934]

-They want you to believe that they are more powerful than you are -They want you to believe that you are the person who fits their script of who you should be -That your main purpose of existence is to serve them

[@janicedeeter577]

Nicely said. However it's just a lie. I appreciate your comment. Thank you for sharing.

[@arrow9293]

Thank you for sharing. Now just work on getting away from them.

[@annmariekeim9553]

Acting like they are more powerful and can accurately judge you keeps them going when actually they are clueless just about everything

[@JNYC212]

Seriously.... its like how many ways can I say, "I can't do it".

[@TheMeghajoshi]

💯

[@gardenjoy5223]

"Narcissists are self-serving bullies". Yes. Indeed. They are. Couldn't have stated it better.

[@gardenjoy5223]

Or perhaps add the word 'lying' to it. Narcissist are self-serving lying bullies.

[@tanwohman7578]

My brokenness does NOT define me. THIS.

[@sherriolson5033]

Thank you for pushing back against the idea that the nark has "ruined" your life. The destruction they cause is enormous, but we're still here! Where there is life, there is hope! We are still here, to fight the good fight, take ourselves back, and try to spread the word to others. This was an excellent presentation. Thank you Dr C.

[@tiffcat1100]

Plus we can recognise narcs much more quickly as well as help/encourage/empathise with other veterans in a way not many others can. Nothing is wasted in life 🥰

[@sherriolson5033]

That is so true: nothing is wasted on life.

[@lindawise5546]

Go Sherri! If you pay attention to yourself, you eventually can't stand yourself. So yeah, when you sense that, time to change direction and reclaim your old self. I got down to age 16-17, and remembered who I was before I met my ex. The draw to be her again is tremendous. I ask my God -self to show me the way out. I love how you worded this. Both are true ; they ruined your life AND you can move ahead and heal. XXOO to you all. I decided yesterday that I am part of a community of people, all of us harmed and trying to heal. Honestly, it made me feel a part of something very big and moving towards healing!

[@summertime9963]

Exactly! I’m powerful and have taken my life back. They didn’t ruin my life, they’re not that powerful and great as they think they are! 💪🏻

[@keplermission4947]

@@summertime9963 You got lucky, don't believe a word of it, there's a whole different class of them you didn't yet meet.

[@alastairwest5200]

"Narcissist's Alternate Reality" - the Twilight Zone; what a fantastic, simple way to put it. Thanks again Dr. C.!!

[@amandahodge3809]

I no longer throw pity parties for myself. This video is everything I needed to hear today! I am stronger than the narcissistic bully and I’m CLAIMING IT! 🙌🏼

[@tiffcat1100]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@Reneemfenn]

I too feel strong & pity parties have ended bc I’m not a victim but just an observer, now.

[@tiffcat1100]

@@Reneemfenn We need to stop being so naive & shocked when they are living their best mean narc lives, not take it personally, just get away fast and realise that, yes, they are being true to the narc that they are 👑

[@terrikennish819]

Thank you, that was powerful, I needed to hear that 🙏

[@lynnekeshavarz756]

Good for you! I hope I can get there!

[@timheath9842]

Nobody should allow anyone to gaslight them nor attack them mentally over things that are personal. I’m happy to have found Dr. Les Carter KZbin channel.

[@sheilaalawdi591]

They say: "...You're not a good Christian...blah, blah, blah..." Just because you don't buy into their presumptions

[@majestic.feminine]

These individuals are not smart. Simple. And this is hard to accept, but it apparently is the ultimate reality. We think they are smarter, but they are not. So that's the source of the problem we experience. They simply do not have the capacity to understand more, and we have to learn this. They will not change. Do not *assume* they are intelligent and capable. It's actually one of the 4 Toltec Agreements: 1/ Be Impeccable With Your Word. 2/ Don't Take Anything Personally. 3/ Don't Make Assumptions. 4/ Always Do Your Best. Thanks for the reminders Dr. C. Give Gus a hug. 💝

[@macmovieman1]

Offering your kind words to those of us who have been abused is so comforting. Feeling understood and their reality is no longer my truth. 🙏🏻

[@katherineg9396]

Their reality is no longer my truth--that is so powerful. Love it!

[@DaveJohnson-Php]

Well said. " we can move forward with a psychological limp, but we can still move forward".

[@michellehill718]

😊

[@keplermission4947]

😛

[@LaniLanilei]

I watch more than once your videos. My mother said, to me, "Repetition is the Mother of Retention". I listen. 😄

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Love that, Rita!

[@LaniLanilei]

@@SurvivingNarcissism ty Dr Carter

[@Bianca-sw5id]

They claim everyone else plays mind games with them and all these things that they push onto other people

[@karmatoys]

I define who I am, not the narc❤Great advice❤

[@trottheblackdog]

Thank you for these. My mom's mind was filled with chaos and rage and she frequently tried to download that onto me. Even 13 years after her passing, I'm still putting it all together.

[@sheilaalawdi591]

You're going to be ok. Keep growing in knowledge and pray for wisdom and understanding

[@dominiquelasserre828]

But ..you know my father…I relate so much to your sentence: « a mind filled with chaos and rage they tried to download on you «

[@joan7562]

my mother passed 30 years ago, I still have nightmares that I will have to see her and hear her hatred spewed at me, wake in a cold sweat,

[@NS-wl2vi]

@@joan7562 that's aweful

[@suzannemaroney4579]

Same here, both of my parents had narc characteristics, and I don’t miss them at all!!!!🤷🏼‍♀️

[@annmariekeim9553]

Coming from a maternal family of malignant narcissists my saving grace was that I always considered the source. This helped me see reality clearly. You can't really take people who act like demented, cartoon characters seriously no matter how superior and domineering they are trying to be.

[@chayo4537]

Absolutely 💯

[@vickioliver1098]

well said

[@stephenkarla7113]

Narcissistic seem to come from my maternal family. It's a nightmare! I thought I had found one that was a good friend to talk to but nope she's got an agenda as the others on the maternal side of the family.

[@jomoney465]

you are always spot on. I was raised by two narcissists, so I was always attracted to familiar. And those two people created my reality in childhood, and I hooked up with several narcissists throughout my life, always wondering why. Listening to doctors and specialists like you has helped me tremendously to heal, all the way back to that little girl that was helpless and believed the toxic things that her parents, who were supposed to love her, spewed her way. My dignity was a birthright, and I claim it now, and I will overcome. I have overcome so much. Thank you for putting free videos on you tube so someone like me can watch you talk about how I can get out of the pit, stay out of the pit, and do not been enticed to get back into the pit. To wallow with a pig, you just get dirty, and the pig loves it. I must recognize the pig when it shows up in my life, thank you for helping me do that

[@dawna4185]

...well said! wishing you much love xo

[@rppope1006]

I became a very well respected person in my community. One of the ways was that because my mom had no respect for me. Others knew she was a narc so the more disrepected me the more others respected me

[@SAD-ij8in]

When my mom says, "I will love you unconditionally, " it is pretty clear she means, "You have never done anything to be worthy of my love, but I'm going to keep trying to make you into the person I want you to be."

[@TrouvatkiDePercusion]

It really is just absolutely horrible when your own mother is a narcissist. Of all the people on the planet earth who you'd imagine you can turn to in times of distress, she's the first to cut you down. I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. I know it may not mean much coming from a disembodied string of text on the internet, but for what it's worth, I can relate. You're not alone.

[@carolinekamya2339]

@@TrouvatkiDePercusion Very true and so sad. The only upside is if you survive you shine brighter than ever before with more wisdom and an ability to generate your own self love - so much you can share it with the world - living in truth and no shame at all...authenticity and love something that the narcissist can never do - anyway we don't care about that - we move forward in strength and love - awesome

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're catching on!

[@taraarrington2285]

I'm sorry. The person my mom wants me to be would've been dead by now. Hang in there.

[@carolinekamya2339]

@@taraarrington2285 yep

[@lorettanorris648]

Thank you i listen to you every night to keep my head in the right mind set

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very pleased!!

[@mr.seapig2811]

The narcissists emotional processor is broken.. They have tons of unprocessed garbage (emotions) stuck in their heads from years/decades ago.. It’s like having your home completely filled with garbage bags that haven’t been taken out in years/decades.. What an emotional stink that leads to.

[@williamrochalacerda5688]

WHEN HE SPEAKS HE SEEMS TO BE TALKING ABOUT ME. IT IS JUST EXACTLY HOW HE PUTS.

[@iamgoddessoflove]

Once you have a narcissist in your life, love doesn’t die a natural death. Narcissistic love is riding on the rollercoaster of disaster filled with a heart full of tears. 💙KZbinr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[@bluestar.8938]

And isn't it a strange, contorted world view they demand we get drawn into. Exhausting indeed. Thank you Dr Carter and Gus : )

[@Joanna-np6fx]

This is so important!! As a daughter of a covert narcissistic father all my formative childhood years were so warped by hearing his disappointment in me etc. over and over. This video has so helped me to step out of the person I was taught to believe I was and have some perspective on who I really am. The narcissist can’t self-reflect and doesn’t have insight but, thank God, I have the ability to do that and I can listen and learn.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

If the narcissist spoke honestly (at least this has been my experience…) 1. I love you. I shouldn’t have to say it or show it. You should just know it. 2. No one can love you like i do. That’s why you need to stick with me and spend all your time with me. 3. You can trust me. It goes without saying. I don’t have to earn your trust because you can just take my word for it. 4. I would never do anything on purpose to hurt you. Why would i disrespect you on purpose?! 5. I’m the nicest person you could ever meet. Again, why would i intentionally disrespect you?! What kind of person do you think i am?! 5. I don’t need help. I might see a therapist- just so i can convince them that you’re the one with the anger problem. 6. Anger is bad and you shouldn’t feel it. I’m never angry. I yell because i am frustrated. I pout because I’m sad. I huff because I’m annoyed. All of those things are fine for me to feel and do. When you do those things it’s because you have anger issues. 7. I have a good reason for every bad thing i do so my good reason makes the bad things i do, well… good. I’m not making excuses. I’m not sweeping things under a rug. I am entitled to my opinion. My opinion is kinda the same as my good reasons. I am entitled to both. I am a good person so my reasons for doing bad things are good which is why i don’t do bad things. Talk about a circus! Flying monkeys included. (Edited to clarify these are the narcissist’s words if they actually spoke them. I spent years assuming i was loved and with a trustworthy person because the words i heard on a regular basis were… no, you’re wrong, you can’t do that… then the silent treatment took up the rest of our conversations and i had to guess what the narcissist would say.)

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your brain is very active, Kelly. Love it!

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@SurvivingNarcissism wrote what i experienced.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

😱 Expertly put ❣

[@shellissanctuary7522]

This!👌😬🙄

[@michaelclark4043]

Most narcissists either can't or won't accept some known inferior quality they have within themselves. Instead of working to improve themselves they will often find fault with someone else to make themselves feel better. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. They are to be pitied rather than envyed.

[@shahadah1451]

My daughter would like me to be miserable because she is. But she will never admit this or apologize for her poor treatment of me and her son.

[@Sensei_Sean]

The best way to deflect the narcissist is to interpret their disrespect as a form of praise. They are praising you when they attempt to disrespect you. Once you realize this, they'll actually ironically, have the opposite affect of what they desires or intended to have on you. This will confuse and scare them away because they are afraid of wisdom and especially self esteem.

[@chayo4537]

"He hit me and it felt like a kiss" ?...

[@Sensei_Sean]

Im not encouraging narcissistic relationships, im just saying if you dont want it to bother you than just interpret it to mean the opposite of whatever they say. Bully the Narcissists this way and you will always win. They hate it when i interpret everything they say to mean the opposite because it confuses their teeny tiny little spray tanned brains. 😜🤟☺️🤭🦉

[@maryglo1]

Thank you, thank you, thank you Dr. C. Had bad experiences with several acquaintances of the sociopath. Two grandiose and two covert! Lots of ruin! Running with the pack? Steer clear of the marauding disenfranchised.

[@rebeccamiller4983]

I like that you are focusing on what codependents can do to steer our lives in a healthy direction.

[@aliceroberts1980]

It’s so nice that Gus helps Dr.C

[@Brewtiful1975]

I dealt with daily bullying for over fifteen years from a narcissist, mostly verbal and emotional, but occasionally physical. I'm free of him now, but I still have mental scars. Every one of your videos, I find myself nodding at what you're saying or outright talking to my screen...saying "Yep!" "Exactly!" "Nailed it!" etc etc. Thank you for these videos, especially for those of us who maybe suffer in silence...those of us who are maybe apprehensive to seek professional help, or maybe unable to seek professional help. These videos, and the community in the comments section, are so helpful and enlightening. Thank you again!

[@mdee860]

So nicely expressed! Dr. C. was instrumental in helping me to understand what I was dealing with & how to deal with him in a far better way. I'll be FOREVER grateful to him, and to this incredible community.

[@brynnleapierce5600]

Before I went through a pivotal change in my mindset & had a “spiritual awakening” every indicator you listed was my experience. I'm happy to say breaking free from him has created a foundation to work on my codependent issues that made me prey to these type predators. I feel liberated to now concentrate on healing in my quest to keep arming myself with insightful information in building a solid foundation❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Brynnlea. So pleased you're moving into the healing direction.

[@dm3144]

🦋 very well said🦋

[@mariahewitt9787]

@@SurvivingNarcissism G'day from Australia Dr. Could you please tell me, what kind of dog Gus is? He is adorable, I watch him while I listen to you.

[@glodeo]

This is so, so good! Thank you so much!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're so welcome!

[@goodfortunehand4830]

1. I have to have the narc. cooperation. 2. I must make the narc. understand me. 3. I can't cope. 4. This person has ruined my life. 5. I must be the problem. 6. My dignity has been stripped from me. 7. My past with the narc. determines my future.

[@BbBb-xb5xe]

Thanks 😊

[@lucypalsgrove9210]

My husband told me with love in his eyes and said “ I wished I had met you earlier, so I could train you”. I told him that I was not a monkey, and could not be trained. I could not be trained and that made him rage at me! I am older and can only be me, I am not trainable! I only stayed for one year, but it felt like way longer!!

[@Hatbox948]

Omg, mine says stuff like this all the time. It's so demeaning. It's also what he really wants; a servant.

[@radhasen.animalwelfare.5644]

I have always had one solution for control freaks, people who try to belittle or demean you, sadists and people who use the carrot & stick method.. And people who deliberately are out to harm you emotionally. I don't hang around trying to classify if they are bi polar or a narcissist or waste my time categorising them! I'm very tuned into my feelings and instincts. When I feel the first signs of being uncomfortable, provoked or heckled, I simply severe ties without any explanation and stop all communication or contact and that's that. That's my self-defense mechanism and I simply vanish from the lives of twisted, warped, self serving control freaks. Never keep company with emotional cannibals and serial soul killers! Do know a narcissist is like a giant blood sucking tick on a dog!

[@cherobinson6371]

Yeah I quickly walk away from anyone at work,in public,neighbors etc now. I used to thin k it was rude of me but now realize it’s not and it’s the best thing to do. Absolutely ignore anyone who gives u a bad vibe.Narcissistic are counting on our nice ways to manipulate us. They know we are capable of tolerating to much and can be 2 nice. They are counting on us to be Too Polite. It is not Rude to Turn the cheek and walk away.

[@targetedtyranny4661]

Character assassination I believe is a big part of what they do,especially after a discard,if they can't stand for someone to go out into the world and be liked,for others to think freely what they want about you,they want to choose that for them. I would like to know,in that situation, what are they truly worried about? Why would anyone care what someone you broke up with,or separated from does,I think they know others would see that as strange,so they really have to justify it thats when the smearing comes in,what are they really afraid of?

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

❤ The first time I watched this video I thought I only had one narcissist, my husband (narcissist #2). But this video is really perfect for narcissist #1, my mother. When it’s your parents, (one or both) I don’t see that there’s really any way to avoid the trap. I never really spent a LOT of serious time trying to change her mind. She was very strong-willed (and proud of it). I can see the fatal blow was when both parents made me responsible for her-my father at the point of what he considered final desperation. (It was short-lived. He bounced back, but not before I crashed.) I was struggling, but doing OK up until then. So, this video confirms everything, even why I absorb or attempt to absorb your tone. My conscious and unconscious goal is a new worldview. Sorry, all you fellow Christians out there, I’m deep into theology, but it seems knowledge of God alone is not enough. (Let’s hope I’m not getting struck dead for saying that; but, I suspect He agrees with me.) So, what's the quickest way to get a new worldview? ( have to add that it can get really complicated sorting out two narcissists at the same time. Sometimes I switch mid video between the two.)

[@notthatvashti8127]

I love that term "psychological limp." It makes me know that I may be a little bent, but not completely broken to the point of no return. The pain is still there, but it's not debilitating. I can move forward and be better. Thanks Dr. C!

[@DavidSimms-t5q]

Thanks you have been a great blessing 🙏

[@DavidSimms-t5q]

Dr. Love your little pup❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@LaniLanilei]

The comments are amazing in all your rooms Dr Carter. So encouraging to see so many benefiting. Your two edge sword is unique. Knowledge and Wisdom is in our hands. We know how to free ourselves from narcissists abuse now. The pursuit of happiness, life, and liberty without a narcissist feels good Thank You Dr Carter for answering to your call.❤

[@divaslm1]

You just have to END SUPPLY to these folks. No contact....

[@andrewschultz6608]

One assumption I've often made is that I have to work harder for someone's attention than they have to work to get my approval. Now, when I feel this might be the case, I'm much better at backing off. It's been a good jump to make. There's still more ahead, I hope.

[@denisesatt7044]

I like this thought/introspection.. Thank you for sharing this.

[@tmo.48]

Looonng before I found out my husband was a covert narcissist I realized he was playing head games/games with me and I told him what he was doing and that he'd have to play by himself because I wasn't any good at playing games. It really didn't stop him but it was relieving to me that I knew HE knew that there wouldn't be any response from me. Since finding these channels I realized he is covert narc and it's like living as a different person, I can pretty much read them like a book and can spot them at great distance and can realize their next move. I am so much more at peace with myself and those around me. Knowledge won't change THEM but will change you. They obviously think they are perfect and can't understand why they should grow into better people but seriously it's a great thing to feel and do for yourself.

[@jong5156]

I didn't notice the dog on the couch till the end of the video 🐶😂 what a good doggy

[@patrickkennedy7165]

Every clip about narcissistic behavior is like listening to someone talking to me personally . I've watched several clips from various people and all relate to me directly . It sometimes feels like being in the Truman show , every one knows how it is except me !! . Why is it so hard to run like f**k away from the narcissist ! Run like your life depends on it , which ultimately it does . It's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make but deep down I know that true happiness is waiting , a peace and contentment I've never experienced . I need the strength from somewhere but where I don't know !!

[@wandajemison4166]

I agree

[@Bianca-sw5id]

He set out to devalue me , is the only person who thinks I am less than what other people think

[@Beeytress]

Spot on! Narc imploded because he wanted his way. Caused so much dysregulation that my partner questioned whether or not he was a good person. I said, "You're going to let this person determine your worth? Look how he treats others." Two years of no contact. --except for Narc and enablers hoovering and partner falling for it. Little by little he sees the Narc for who he is--A Bully, manipulator, conformity seeker, who only thinks of himself.

[@evelyne7071]

Having been married to a covert narcissist for many years taught me the red flags to be aware of when the next one came along……….no longer a covert narcissist magnet.

[@l.5832]

Over the years I have helped out my sister countless times. In return, she told me that I am not a priority to her. Anything she could think of doing, would be more important to her than me. I no longer interact with her.

[@darbydonaho536]

So wonderful to be able to listen to someone that is so logical in their thinking. So glad I am not married to my brother! LOLHe is really in bad shape… His poor wife… He tried his proverbial shit on me and I didn’t buy into it. I don’t have to divorce him as I can just simply refused to be in his presence. Now that the inheritance lawsuit is over, I don’t think I’ll ever have to be in his presence again. Just want you to know, Dr. Les, your videos helped me through this last year.

[@lxraycatmaui2884]

Day to day I never know what to expect. Angry frustrated swearing all day, or nicer and listening to music. It's really exhausting to even be around. I just don't want to deal with it 😕

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When you find yourself becoming someone you don't like, it's time to seriously reevaluate!

[@Hatbox948]

My situation exactly.

[@j.reneaudette432]

I just left my wife whom I believe is a narcissist. We were married almost exactly a year ago. (3 days shy of our 1 year anniversary today) We moved into the 2 bdrm apt in her parents' basement about 18 months ago. Her mother hates me with the fires of the 9 hells and is a narcissist herself. I thought I could remain strong enough to ignore the behaviour. My wife then started mirroring and escalating the same behaviours her mother had towards me. Nothing I did was right, everything I did with our children was wrong. I was constantly gaslit, insulted, isolated from my family and made to feel like I was a failure as a husband, father, provider and man. I had a mental breakdown from the constant abuse and was hospitalized for 2 months. During that time my wife took off her wedding rings, ceased changing her name but was just nice enough to fool me into thinking things could change. I did ECT (electro convulsive therapy: 12 weeks) 2 weeks after my last treatment she announced she was leaving with our kids and her parents to go out west to visit her sister. The length of time was ever changing and what started as a 2 week trip become 3 weeks, then 4, then 5, then after 6 they finally came home. When my wife and kids got back the nagging, insulting, disrespect just ramped up. My kids were isolated from me, my wife wouldn't "let me" take them to see my family. I was excluded from our son's 2nd birthday. I had been asking her to move for at least 9 months because I was experiencing death by a thousand cuts between her and her parents but she refused saying that she would not move anywhere unless it was to a house. (The market being what it is this essentially meant that moving was permanently off the table) A week and a half ago I couldn't take anymore and this is where I am now. Some of my belongings in storage and sleeping on a couch at my best friend's house. Things are shitty but the weight that I feel has been lifted by not being in that pressure cooker of negativity and oppression has made my decision totally worth it.

[@graveyardghost2603]

It certainly does sound like you have been in the "fires of 9 Hells"--i am sorry and I wish the best for you.

[@j.reneaudette432]

A few more tidbits....my M-I-L HATED the name we chose for our youngest and has NEVER called him by that name and instead just started calling him a name she preffered. My wife then just went along with the name change and now exclusively calls our son by the name her mom uses. Also after being isolated from my boys for those six weeks this summer, my 2 year old started referring to her dad as daddy and NO ONE corrects him and instead just have a hearty laugh over it.

[@Jens0215]

Omg, please get a lawyer ASAP, and ask for a Guardian ad litem. There is hope. It’s going to be one hell of a road, but your children deserve better.

[@blueskies6475]

Omg!

[@chrisbillings2050]

Dr. C is so skilled in helping a survivor of Narcissist Abuse getting past the damage inflicted upon them by these "Creatures". Thank You Dr. C.

[@elanahammer1076]

The one thing I find so baffling about narcissism is how in their distorted lens of reality. There in lies a heart ❤ full of hate and insecurity. Since there are various levels of narcissism, it makes me wonder if the off the charts narcs have nothing but 🖤 black hearts? Not sure but definitely pondering that thought. Thank you 🤔❤🇺🇸🖤

[@texasrefugee7888]

Also, I learned the really hard way you need to be very careful dating people who talk badly about their mother their father or their EX because they'll be talking about you like that soon! My ex narc would go on about how mean cruel and crazy his mother was well I wound up taking her place. He would go on about his ex and how she was a psycho and then I took her place. It's everybody else's fault not theirs

[@henrykujawa4427]

I find myself trying very hard to say or rermember good things about my Dad. He doesn't make it easy, and he's been gone for 21 years! But I do try. Mostly it involves food... if I'm eating something I know he'd have liked, I'll think that, or say it outloud to myself. "Dad would have LOVED this!!!" It allows me to have SOME good memories of him, despite all the bad ones.

[@marieldavison5121]

@@henrykujawa4427 Sometimes nothing mitigates the abuse.

[@janettemartin4604]

I met a woman who tells me her "friend" had a narcissistic husband and everything she said I AGREED TO! I felt SO not alone! THANK GOD people are listening accepting and LEARNING about this tragic LIFE! thanks doc

[@aaronkwolfe]

#yana is “You are NOT alone.”

[@nylaclancy2655]

They had 65 yrs of me because I didn't know what a narcissist was. But not 1 more day will be spent involving my precious moments I have left.

[@Canaday291]

The malignant narcissist I divorced expects and coercively controls others to believe his pathological lies, deranged opinions and viewpoints,deceit, gaslighting ,and detached from reality reframed history ,false narratives , and paranoias. If you have your own autonomy, opinions, beliefs that counter his you become the “defector” from his cult.. his sworn enemy He makes sure to triangulate and smear campaign others against you.

[@Roberts444]

Heh. Yeah, this is why, when I run into someone like this, I walk. Just shut it down. You can say what you want about me, but you're going to say it by yourself. 🧘‍♀️ Thank you!

[@kylaren6337]

Dr. C., I think the NPD gets a kick out of thinking they have ruined someone else’s life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sick but true

[@zeusaegiduchos2981]

Thank you for making these videos, they are very helpful in helping understand what happens to us and to help protect ourselves from toxic peoples. This is one of my favourite video. I have passed many years trying to explain myself to family and no mather how calm, polite, precise and specific I am I have been met with being invalidated, ridiculed, cut before I finish a sentence or rage at. It is like no one wants me to open up and reveal my reality expecting that I live a role that have been decided for me. My life situation share similarities with the movie "Dead Poets Society" where I am expected to do a career, adopt a dress code and live a lifestyle that have been chosen for me with no regard to who I am as a person and what lifestyle I wish to live nor aknowledging the pain and suffering that I go thru while being coerced into accepting an alternate worldview and being blamed for the troubles that have been givin me. When I was a kid I had an orthondontic device that would hurt me and I would sometime take it off at night and hide it. One day my father found it and throw his fist in the wall. He made a hole in my bedroom wall. He told me "look what you made me do". It was somehow my fault that he put his fist in the wall. I was 9 years old. I am 45 and although I have not seen him in 21 years I am still angry at him and other family member. Dealing with the aftereffect of narcissistic abuse is very hard, especially when the only viable option to sanity is to distance ourselves completely from our whole biological family without support trying to survive alone with mental, physical and financial stress.

[@Datb2]

i had a a covert narc reveal themselves who i used to call my bestfriend(not sure why i did but i did) and now that i know what they are i made them an acquaintance very quickly. this was someone who has called me ditzy to my face because they think less of me

[@Jens0215]

There are soooooo many narcissistic women out there. I’ve gone through way too many ‘best friends’ because they’re all terrible women. I always felt sorry for the kids, because lord narcissists make terrible mothers 😔

[@texaspatty458]

Has there ever been a narc that didn't suggest serious therapy ?? They all seem to think 🤔 everyone in past & present relationships are crazy 😧

[@truthh8597]

7 Dangerous Assumptions Narcissists want you to accept- 1) I need to have the narcissist’s cooperation whenever I engage with them 2) If the narcissist does not understand you, you feel the need to make them understand them 3) I can’t cope (due to the narcissists impossible attitude) 4) This person has ruined my life (Losing quality of life, ruined reputation, lower quality of life) 5) Maybe I’m the problem (because of narcs blameshifting and projection) 6) Your dignity has been stripped from you (that you are a nobody) 7) My past with this person determines my future The narcs rejection of you determines your life I went through all of this

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the notes. Keep growing!!

[@gertrudewest4535]

If Aldon, the famous Berkeley peregrine falcon can “move forward with a limp” and become the hero he was meant for to be, then so can I. Animals have made me a far more better human than 99% of humanity. And wild birds are especially my heroes, as well as Dr. Carter!

[@lynnfincham6839]

Mr narc says “ I don’t fancy you?” This has made me feel very sad inside. Intimacy is void in the relationship but I would love to find the courage to know that I could be “fancied” again. I am not really sure of the notion to not be fancied , I felt that I can’t be loved. It’s been a lonely place. I have split from mr narc /toxic relationship but inside feel quite unworthy. I suppose those cruel words are still controlling me 😥

[@trevorhill7468]

Needed this one today. I'm going through a separation with my narcissistic partner that had been going well for weeks (he kept alternating between making jabs and then hoovering, but I didn't respond), but this week he 'changed his mind' about our agreement that I would stay in our apartment and he would leave after a new tenant had already been selected and a lease signing appointment had been made. He's trying one last time to destroy my life, but all I keep thinking is "DRC, DRC, DRC." Only a few more weeks and then I never have to go through this again. Thanks Dr. C!

[@dawna4185]

..sending you much strength!!!!

[@victoriakeatingmusic2176]

Stay strong. You deserve to be happy and well. And you will be! Sending you much love ❤❤

[@liljerseygirl249]

I have felt that my first boy friend as a teenager, who was very narcissistic, ruined my life., and that was exactly what he wanted to do. Yet I set out to make my life better and I have.

[@nylaclancy2655]

Oh my gosh Dr C..!! You put words to exactly what is so crazy making behaviors they push on me. !!

[@julieswelha3131]

Well, I think this was exactly what I needed right now. Thank you. I was in the middle of a pity party thinking maybe I’ll be happy when I die. Maybe. But then Dr. C popped up, watched it twice and felt pulled back into reality. 43 years had me conditioned, I’ll say. Been out and away 13 months and it meant the world to me to hear all you said. Dignity is my birthright. I’ll be just fine. Thank you so very kindly for setting me straight and helping me understand my situation. I may have a psychological limp. That doesn’t stop me from walking forward.❤

[@scotttully8572]

Narcs makes us sick and tired of playing the victim card.

[@deborahcollins1100]

As a Believer in Christ and Biblical scriptures and listening to Biblical preaching any descriptions of satan actually describes a narcissist. It’s extremely frightening to me especially being married to one and he definitely meets all the descriptions 😢

[@texasrefugee7888]

Dr Peck's book People of the LIE describe some people who are so narcissistic they are possessed. This is an incredible book

[@lucyt-c8092]

I second “ people of the lie “. also, if you are a faithful christian, as in you BELIEVE in Jesus- say to yourself, silently, when you feel/ see / know the demon is within your husband “ In the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ , I rebuke thee “. I have done it several times and he left the room - for hours - and came back “ normal “ ie: free of demon. It has worked for me .

[@joywebster2678]

Deborah, read what you wrote..you said your narcissist is Satan. Well there are thousands of narcissists, I believe it would be more accurate to say they are evil, as they are. It also lessens your distortion that only you were married to Satan. Words and labels matter. God can save sinners and even those that are evil, but not Satan.

[@deborahcollins1100]

@@joywebster2678 I certainly did not mean in my comment to imply I believed that I was married to Satan! Sorry if it read that way! No of course I do NOT believe that! I believe people can be be very evil and be possessed at times and I do NOT say this very lightly about my husband or anyone 😢

[@NS-wl2vi]

@@joywebster2678 Going agaisnt the knowledge of God Is actions of Satan SATAN only goal is to destroy your relationship with GOD THE commentor is correct Describing the behavior of her partner

[@mikeomonkey]

Moving on from the narc and moving on from the manipulative behaviour two separate things one they want and one they dont

[@cheri238]

Dignity is my birth right ✅️ Thank you everyday for your expertise. Much love to you and Gus.❤️

[@majarios4280]

Gus looks happier than most people lol☺

[@beth8275]

Cut them out of your life. They never took your dignity. Take 110% responsibility

[@barbaraaschwingelswihart572]

I realized after much past occurrences, I realized. If he can do these things to me . He can’t even like me . Love is not even a thought in his world. When I kinda worried if he’s alright. I stopped and say to myself again, go over all the things he’s done and I snap back and smile and feel free and ready to move on

[@aaronkwolfe]

Not even guessing. I want to hear it from someone I trust. Experience is one thing, but training/expertise is another entirely.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Agreed 👍

[@ThegreekchickLouisiana]

Personally, I think experience is a must. (I mean first hand experience with dealing with someone narcissistic. Not necessarily because they have had a job for a few years. Lol)

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@ThegreekchickLouisiana I actually go for both. I appreciate the experience that team healthy has, and that’s really all I have to offer. But there are (frequent) times where I really want to hear what a professional has to say. I spent Thursday in DC with my visiting sister, so I’ll be sure to watch on Friday.

[@bonniehonchell9963]

I walk proudly with the limp. I'm surrounded by a Narcissistic Board & Management Co., along with many neighbors now! That has helped me make my decision to get "out of Dodge". I personally refuse to live like this. Thank you for putting the puzzle pieces together for those of us who wake up feeling like we've been dropped off on some strange planet. I've noticed how the quality of life has been dipping lower as the quantity of Narcissists grows larger. The people who purposely feed & grow Narcissist behavior, whether it be parent child, love relationships, jobs, & of course Social Media should be getting the same help & a wake up call!? Thank you always for your time & help. Hugs to Gus, & the best to you & yours.💯

[@michellehill718]

Indeed!🕊

[@lindawise5546]

OMGoodness, so well written! I am beginning to feel the comraderie of the people who commet. Feeling more empowered. We have to lift each others spirits andbtell our stories. Helping each other climb out of a damn well! I am going to embrace my limp too !

[@bonniehonchell9963]

@@lindawise5546 🤗, Yes! It's a badge of honor, in a way. Keep shining your beautiful light. No one can diminish that, but yourself. I took my power back. Thank You, & so many good things I wish for you!💖💯

[@sloanmagnum5009]

You almost sound like you're looking to be a victim....

[@sage9836]

"Narcissism is a mindset." Wow quote! The reason this seemingly basic clarifies so much is - we all wonder how to classify this strange thing we call narcissism, explanations from religion and science, down to absurd ideas of superstition and psychobabble. A mindset is a concept that makes sense as a classification. Having a classification breaks the spell.

[@Minneolaos]

In my opinion it's the easiest way to think of narcissists as parasites, human parasites (or leeches). Whereas antisocials (APD / ASPD) is a strategy that IS obviously at odds with people and society, because they are shameless takers, a narcissist (NPD) is their shameful sibling that blends in to leech off. Thus, a narcissist is pretty similar to an antisocial as they also take, but their strategy is somewhat different. A narcissist can take many forms, they are not all of the grandiose type.

[@sage9836]

@@Minneolaos The shy ones are hard to spot. Well hidden parasites!

[@takz0743]

Thank you, Doctor --- so true, so true. My brother was so controlling and manipuIative that I often used to say to myself that it's too bad he can't have 3 or 4 clones of himself to order around and serve his "needs."

[@warriormom5843]

Yes, Dr. C, ☮️ indeed. Blessings and have a wonderful day 😇🙏🏼 Hugs to Gus 🐶💙

[@lorenas8518]

I have listened and watched Dr. C for about a year..I had a 3 year "friend" relationship with a Narcissist, but I got hold of myself and let him go. I am a strong, capable and loving woman. I would never put up with someone trying to control my life. Thank you Dr. for showing me the light. ❤

[@michelepascoe6068]

Been there, done that

[@ritaking8827]

The hardest thing I am going through is letting go of the nonsense that I need his cooperation in order to just live my day to day life. I DO NOT! Ohh he’s done a number on me! And I let him. I’m not going to let him do this to me ever again.

[@nazila686]

Thanks to him I have skin cancer dealing with his drug problem and I have 4/5 months to live. My results came in yesterday and he couldn't even call to ask about my results. The only thing he does is keep texting, torturing, and treading me every day. Thank you so much for your videos

[@happydays199]

That's very insensitive of him. My heart goes out to you.

[@nancynelson179]

Do you know about Louise Hay’s little book You Can Heal Your Life? Amazon or used book stores might still have it. Look up what she says about “skin”. One creative visualization that might empower you is to take a shower or bath with the conscious intention of washing him out of your hair and his touch off your skin, then get an aloe plant and slice a leaf open and apply the fresh aloe gel to the affected area. It may turn black before it heals, you can keep reapplying the gel as it doesn’t stain. Sometimes I’ve kept the gel on under a bandage until a scab forms. Trusting Nature works for me but your own answers are within you. Another self help strategy is to do trance writing. If you are right handed, write your healing question with your right hand then switch to writing out the answer with your left hand to read your subconscious mind’s answer. It might look like scribbles at first but take what comes and with right hand ask what it means and with left hand keep getting answers that are outside your conscious awareness from the highest part of your being. This little ceremony does none harm and is a self care action. You can, of course, accept, reject, or ignore this or anyone else’s ideas, including that from your non-dominant left hand which corresponds to your more intuitive right brain. The left brain or right hand is more logical but sometimes just going with the flow of automatic trance writing is useful especially for over thinkers like me. I’m a retired master hypnotherapist and we are all human and imperfect but doing the best we can with the behaviors and resources we have considering the individual circumstances we are each in. That does imply hopefulness for best outcome, doesn’t it? May you be free from suffering and May all things be well. God bless you, I feel compassion for you. I want for you that which you want for yourself, health, long life, beautiful skin, happiness and joy.

[@Hatbox948]

I hope you're ok. Such an ominous, sad post.

[@Zenith510.]

Dr. C lives in my head. 😌

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hope that is in a good way!!

[@vickioliver1098]

I can hear his comforting advice in my head sometimes too.

[@CandiGiampi]

Mine is trying to ruin me and is but I am still alive and full of hope

[@joltjolt5060]

You're saving lives Dr. Superhero!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're kind.

[@msmacmac1000]

🙏🏼Dr C. I don’t know what I’d do without you. ❤️

[@rebeccadolashewich7094]

My sons were assaulted & have developmental disabilities from being so terrorized. I wake up every day praying the people who harmed my babies are brought to Justice. It’s very hard to balance the anger I feel & I pray that this anger at those who harmed my sons doesn’t take my life from me- yet, it’s a daily pain to live in a city where the cops took the side of who assaulted my sons. I’m grateful I found good therapists. I’m still having a hard time in finding a way out of the fight. I see my sons’ lives so altered- that it’s enraging that those who harmed them are free to get away with it. I go to the police again & again here in Fort Worth, Texas- and they will not help us feel safe. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare, because I thought that the police would protect my family, not side with those who assaulted our family. It’s consumed my life. I told my sons I would get the bad people who hurt them held accountable for what they did. My sons have even told me they think they would have less nightmares and be able to feel safer if the people who assaulted them were held accountable. That I live in a city that won’t help me give my sons that feeling of feeling safe- is a nightmare. I am with a group standing up to police brutality & because the people who assaulted my children also assaulted me, and when I called the police, the deputy took the side of who assaulted me- I feel they can’t even admit the man who assaulted me was bad, so they won’t protect my sons from him. He also assaulted my children. I filed for an internal investigation into the deputy who sided with the man who assaulted me & they never even interviewed my neighbor who saw both my mother in law’s boyfriend & the deputy assault me. That I can’t even rely on the police to feel safe & can’t rely on them to hold the people accountable that harmed my own baby boys- is DEVASTATING. I pray & I cry. I still laugh a lot, because my sons are such joys. Yet, there is an underlying rage & I want justice. When you are so violated - it’s so hard when the people who are supposed to protect you, choose to defend and support the people who harm you. This is a pattern in Fort Worth, as when I had gone to the police before about being sexually assaulted, they told me it didn’t happen and that it was the alcohol I drank. I don’t know how so many people can be so cruel to those who have been so abused, as they get paid to protect us.