How to let go of a love that never happened

[@SusanWinter]

Work with Me: susanwinter.net/consultation/

[@candydeca8]

“Keep the dream, replace the person” .. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@Thyri449]

Wow that’s empowering

[@Thyri449]

@Sarah Marie ?

[@strawberry2559]

Replacing is not that easy 😢

[@inglessurco]

@@strawberry2559 only you can make it easy, not saying instantly a quick fix, but you can make it easy through accepting, giving yourself time and space to mourn, build yourself back up again and get out there with the knowledge that you are already a whole, complete, lovable person. You still have the dream, now you deserve to actualize it with someone who's open to you, someone who deserves you too.

[@strawberry2559]

@@inglessurco thank you so much. 💖

[@olsnine1987]

😢 Hugs to us who are hurting and had to watch youtube vids to actually be able to recover

[@mint_soup9743]

This is exactly where I’m at. I’m so grateful for the community out here. It was painful to open up to my sister but I finally did that too. Unrequited love is such an embarrassing thing to process, it can be hard to even begin healing.

[@tirtunemdouq]

This means a lot, thank you

[@Mellownius]

Watch more bibi monkey …kinda a cure for politics and current events blues also 🙊

[@charleswaqa4997]

thank you

[@malcolmthomas6198]

Yup here for the third time

[@31Alden]

The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her. - Bob Marley

[@timheidel5849]

that works in reverse, too...

[@gericalstoy835]

How I love this and have lived through this quote!

[@SusanWinter]

This is brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing this -I have never read that quote before nor had I seen it

[@jlynngambler]

I love that quote

[@31Alden]

Susan Winter .... Dear Susan: Your on point video, which speaks to me personally at this moment in time, made me think of my favorite Bob Marley quote. Bob Marley had quite the history with women, was an unfaithful husband who clearly understood women, in addition to the role of men as it pertains to women. Thank you for your wise, clarifying videos. (Rhubarb 68 aka: Susan)

[@Raventhesim]

It's hard to let go when you feel like the Dream can still be a possibility.

[@jlynngambler]

That's very true, and I've been back and forth with the same thing. But when we finally let go, that's when there may be a chance for us or something new completely. Getting our ego minds around it seems to be the challenge. But it does get better ☺️.

[@MissSarahGM]

Yup... They have to feel the same way and we can't control it.

[@terryjoeljunior]

She selling you a dream bro

[@SusanWinter]

Yes, and that is the problem. Raven, that’s where you need to deconstruct your fantasy that you built around the person. Keep the dream. Replace the person

[@scottdunn2178]

It's hard to let go of that last thread of hope, but in that case you've probably put her on a pedestal and created a fantasy in your mind of "what it could be". You have to deconstruct that fantasy and face reality of who she really is. I'm currently in the same boat so I speak from experience. Good luck.

[@richcecere]

An old friend once said to me, "The right person wouldn't mind." So, in reality, you didn't screw up. That always stuck with me.

[@tritzispoosa]

Sometimes hanging onto the fantasy of romantic love together replaces LONELINESS . LETTING GO MEANS GOING BACK TO THE LONELINESS ALONE.

[@SusanWinter]

Of course. That's correct holding onto a fantasy. Makes us feel like something could be happening even if it's only in our minds. But if it's destroying somebody's self-esteem and creating anxiety because they're living in a non-possibility, then the best thing is to embrace the aloneness in order to be available. Thanks for your input.

[@autumn-g1n]

I would rather be lonely than die inside a little bit day by day by day.

[@ayushblues]

Keep the dream, replace the person

[@BarbaraD421]

I need to keep telling myself this. 😢

[@deedeskin2439]

Love is like sunlight. It's warm, comforting, pleasant, feels good and makes you happy-- until you realize you got burned.

[@flowermitch]

This is a good quote “If someone comes into your life and has a positive impact on you,but for some reason they can’t stay,be thankful that your paths crossed and that they somehow made you happy,even if it was just for a short while” “There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you’re the one who will change theirs”

[@deenaferraro9003]

I truly believe that People definitely come into our lives for a reason. Some stay and some are only in our lives for a short time. But they teach us something about ourselves or we teach them.

[@JT1358]

Absolutely!

[@iiiiiiiiiiisa]

For me one guy came into my life not to love me, but to change my thinking of how I am dating, how I am as a woman, ... I needed to be tought this lesson

[@2CheekyRabbits]

iiiiiiiiiiisa That sounds Iike it was a blessing. Will you share more? I feel like I could learn something, if you are willing to. 🙏

[@iiiiiiiiiiisa]

@@2CheekyRabbits Well, he asked me out and I really wanted to feel the butterflies again that I havent felt in years. So I just accepted these upcoming feelings for him. Because I liked him so much, already after the second date or smt I started getting showing a bit of that interest, and in the end he friendzoned me. That was when i started thinking: how did this happen? He was soo interested in me at first! and now,.,. friendzone? as a girl? ... so I started watching a lot of youtube videos about dating and learned a lot, for example I realized that I always am the one that tries to impress guys while I should instead let guys impress me more if I actually want someone to fight for me. You can't make it so easy for them to get you, if theyre not in love with you yet. And furthermore, trhough this youtube recommendations I started learning about things like law of attraction and how to embrace femininity, but also than got back to just embracing your self-confidence, then it lead me to starting watching videos about success and money, investing.. well I have to say, him coming into my life started a chain of learning and processing in me. I still have a crush on him, but I would never, like in the beginning, try to fight for him or smt, because why would I want a guy that doesnt want me? If he would be interested now, he would need to prove it and show me that what he says is real.

[@kerynl.sanchez9891]

This happens when you idealized people, that perfect person does not exist outside your imagination.

[@hjtres7261]

I disagree. I think people have gotten better at either faking or Being what they say they are. I don't think all the fault lies with the person who lost out. We live in a society of flip the switch when we find "better" or when it no longer serves.

[@someperson9938]

HJ Tres either way, a person can sense when someone only sees them as a perfect fantasy. no one can live up to that. the infatuation comes on strong & as soon reality hits thats when the arguing starts.

[@hjtres7261]

@@someperson9938 True. But our society has a very thin line between love and infatuation. We live in a society now where if a guy has any type of feelings, he's a "simp". We are hardened society when it comes to love. And we wonder why we're all so lonely. I do agree with your point.

[@someperson9938]

HJ Tres whats a simp? but you're right. it seems to be the tread to go from one person to another. narcissism is on the rise due to social media and smart phones. it's so easy now to dismiss someone before taking any time to really get to know them. just another text, photo, dating website. I stopped dating websites after one week because I kept getting cat fished. people who weren't who they claimed to be. now I just do what I like and hopefully this summer will be able to restart and meet people with similar interests. the old fashioned way! cheers & good luck.

[@kerynl.sanchez9891]

@@hjtres7261 That term is so disgusting, I don’t know where it came from, but I surely appreciate men with feelings, not cold and distant.

[@christinemeier3843]

„We can never walk away from something and feel good about it if we didn’t get a win.“ ❤

[@PaleRyder563]

The fantasy is always better than reality.

[@diannerussell4849]

I agree ♥️

[@wread1982]

🤣🙌🏼

[@mir4dventures686]

No, believe me.

[@jclyntoledo]

Reasons why I don't fantasize and future trip. I just stay in the present.

[@ladyrochelle9388]

Ain’t that the truth!

[@margaretestrella2862]

I try and tell myself "I loved the idea of that person and not the actual person". I still miss him though. I'm still working on letting go.

[@pianolearner7]

@@metalman3432 I've been asking myself the Same question. In my case he did show me who he was very early on but I just didn't want to accept it. Maybe I thought I could change him. I don't know who I fell in love with because it couldn't have been him as he's quite a vile person and I knew this but I wouldn't quit on him until many years of misery past and I finally had a lightbulb moment when he behaved like the selfish creep he but I don't really understand why I put up with it so long.

[@pianolearner7]

@@metalman3432 thanks for your advice. My friends told me years ago that he was playing me but I wouldn't listen. I have been no contact now since 17th June and feeling ok. I've done the dating ap stuff and it's not for me. Sometimes we have to admit we're happy on our own especially after all the shitty partners. Best wishes.

[@jclyntoledo]

That's what I say too especially at the end when they dissapoint you.

[@HasseBasseBingBong]

It took me 7 years to get over a love that never happened. And the love I had for this person, blocked me from getting feelings for other people. It's so strange. I know why it happened, and what triggered it, but why it lasted 7 years is beyond me. So it does disappear with time, but that "time" could be years and years.

[@evanjazzista]

Same here, exactly, word by word. Except I've experienced this twice: first time lasted 10 years to get over someone with whom nothing had ever happened (and I'm pretty sure if I were to see her right now, I'd fall again), and the second time is still on: 8 years and a half so far, but in this case we had a short affair (not sure what's worse). I've literally spent my life running after girls who do not care about me. And I am unable to see them as "messengers" because they prevent me from living something intense with somebody else. It's hell.

[@mtomat007]

17 years here. I tried other relationships, I moved, I changed country, I grew, I did all the right things. And still... anybody else is not like him nor the idea and dream I have of him or the idea and dream I have for me. And I'm happy of the experience I had and even if I'm not going to have any other relationships, I'm ok with that. I'll go on with my life, regardless.

[@evanjazzista]

@@mtomat007 I can *totally* relate, sadly. I wish you all the luck and the strength in the world. Be brave and, somehow, as soon as you can, be happy.

[@mtomat007]

@@evanjazzista thank you.. Strangely enough I am actually happy. I believe that now this is my journey, and that's that...

[@geem8747]

This happened to me too..8 years I longed for that feeling from this man (a true narcissist) until I met the next narcissist. ( I guess its my codependency)

[@jamesjarrett52]

If you look back at the events leading up to one of these really powerful crushes, you'll see there's always a pattern that was leading you that way. You're a human. You wanted to love and to be loved and your needs weren't being met. So you invested all that energy and want to love in that person. That was what was behind it all along, and you have nothing, nothing to be ashamed of. You're not stupid , or foolish, or immature, or idealistic, or confused. You're a human, and those feelings you had inside to want to love were beautiful. Never forget that. But to avoid it happening again, and suffering so badly, you have to be honest with yourself, and confront the fact that you aren't receiving the love, the emotional care and acceptance that you need. Then, slowly you can start to recover. Talk to the right person...it's very therapeutic.

[@michaelsix9684]

I quit dating at 46, I'm 64 now, --never married and finally accepted I could never make it happen--life is much easier now

[@mjrussell414]

Michael Laman it’s better to be alone and happy, than to be with the wrong person and unhappy.

[@nancyharris7020]

You’re beautiful

[@edwardcochran5060]

AS LONG AS THERE IS LIFE, LOVE AND ADVENTURES, ARE STILL APART OF YOUR LANDSCAPE. STAY POSITIVE, ENGAGED IN LIFE ACTIVITIES, AND HELPFUL TO OTHERS. I HAVE A FEELING, SOMETHING WONDERFUL IS IN YOUR VERY NEAR FUTURE. KEEP A OPEN MIND, AND A OPEN 💖. GOD BLESS....⚘🧸⚘

[@devendersehrawat2947]

How did you deal with nagging society's comments?

[@jennifersimmons8263]

I’m giving up now at 47

[@MsLinda165]

This is why a loss of a child is so hard; we're mourning the life they could have had...no graduation, no wedding, no grandchildren. It's profound.

[@felliesweetie]

True

[@Jay-kk3dv]

Lol some of us millennials have no graduation, no wedding, no children, and we’re alive lol

[@tfh5575]

You’ll save yourself a lot of pain if you just intentionally let that person go. Abandon hope. I was stuck on someone for over a year, literally waiting for them. They reappeared once I started to forget about them, isn’t that funny? I can laugh about it now, but had I just let go sooner I would have been better off.

[@nicolenevanzyl]

How did you intentionally let go?

[@jennerrants5983]

They always reappear when you’re over their BS that’s so toxic childish behavior there’s this one guy I talk to that does that but this time I’m not responding

[@XxxX-wx3er]

The worst part is when people compare your loss to someone who lost a 2 year relationship. Personally I think it’s worse when you never got the chance to be with them.

[@prodbyjacq7502]

Yea it is cuz you wanted it to happen and you knew it would have been amazing but sadly not everything is meant to be

[@imdcoolest1685]

Yeah like if you've lived though it you at least know the ups and downs and why it didn't work, you don't need to keep thinking. But what if it never started? What if it had so much potential?

[@thehumbleking198humbleslay4]

😔

[@antoinette4995]

Exactly

[@katrinika_]

fax

[@skylastar4559]

I`m having a really hard time getting over a crush that I used to see everyday and talk to.

[@emilyholland9321]

I’ve been in that situation many times. With time, the thoughts and feelings have completely passed.

[@EvaCFricke]

I think you get into this situation because you are already craving someone in your life (your unfulfilled needs) and someone comes along and you gets attached to that person emotionally.

[@Tobi-pb2fk]

Thank u im having a crush on someone that already have someone in his life. Im thankful that he shows me that amazing human being can exist in this world by being who he is. I can in the future find someone as amazing that will be available for me in my life

[@CandaceShanise]

Reason or a season? He was the reason that I know now how brilliant, beautiful, talented and worthy I am. He was not the one, but he ignited the flame to the one. The one is me. I am the ONE that I was always waiting for. Him... entering my life was not really about romantic love... even when I thought it was. Ultimately what I learned is there is no love greater than SELF LOVE.

[@rn6710]

[@lebe6863]

Wow powerful thank you

[@SatumainenOlento]

Wow! YES!!! Exactly!

[@SusanWinter]

I love that line Maya; “I am the one I was always waiting for.”

[@princessbuttercup5928]

Maya this is amazing. I’m going through this exact process right now and my ego is so sore and just wants someone else to be the “one” for an easy fix, but it never feels right. Because it has to come within first, you’re so right.

[@sebaalsaleh5091]

I’ve had a crush on this guy for over a year now and every time I think I’m making progress getting over him I see his face and everything goes down hill

[@princessbuttercup5928]

Kind of reassuring to see how many comments there are of people experiencing this exact same thing, I thought I was going nuts with this. It really felt like it was going somewhere...up until it wasn’t. I didn’t get it at ALL and was so hurt, feeling as if I had been incredibly foolish to have ever thought we might be together. I wasn’t foolish though, he gave me the signs, and then bailed when it started getting serious. Accepting that I may never get an explanation for that (or one that is genuine and truthful) and moving onward is the toughest part, but i think ultimately the most productive.

[@biancaberry777]

Same. It’s been years and years and years.

[@coolcat6341]

Same here I bought a wedding dress,,, he was talking about marrying another women not me,I find out,, ,, he left to marry her,, my wedding dress in box in the basement...

[@princessbuttercup5928]

@NinjaWolfHybrid 😂😂😂

[@cazsad8377]

Princess Buttercup, you hit the nail on the head for me... in so many ways... It was a PERFECT explanation of something I went through myself, and to this day, I have never received an explanation or an apology for 'wasting my time, love, and energy' on someone who didn't have the basic decency to pipe up and say... " It's not going anywhere, I don't feel the same way, but I wish you well " ... Those men who DO say that... have got far more decency, than the men who just string you along, until you finally wake up and realize for yourself, the painful truth that only one person is in love here... Thank you for saying what possibly many women, may also have wanted to express. Blessings to you

[@princessbuttercup5928]

@@cazsad8377 I feel you! Glad to hear a shared experience like this ❤️

[@alexandramaria7754]

If people could understand or be taught how the human brain works, I believe conversations from friends and family would change. When people are processing a breakup or the loss of someone important, the brain is active on the same part, for example, when you are experiencing the physical pain of having two broken legs. The pain is real, the loss is real, and it takes time to heal. So never have the hurry to find another lover, allow yourself and your brain to heal first. Even it was just that love that never happened. Have a lovely day, Susan :) Alexandra

[@SusanWinter]

Alexandra, thank you so much for all of your wise advice

[@KingKull1971]

Read the "Female Brain," and the "Male Brain" by Louann Brizendine.

[@alexandramaria7754]

@@KingKull1971 it is a wonderful book, thanks for your suggestion :)

[@makyeebon]

Straight guy wanted to be best of friends, sharing so much intimacy except physical. I got sucked in and fell hard for him. He knew I had feelings for him too but just ignored it and stayed close, relying on me like a partner in so many ways. I finally had to distance myself. to break the angst. I still struggle with feelings over him yet know it was not meant to be. It's the worst feeling in the world, unrequited love. I like this perspective, he gave me a gift realizing what I want and that I deserve more.

[@bassoonmusic601]

They gave me a glimpse of the love that I am capable of. I was an amazing girlfriend, but they were a crap boyfriend. Falling for their potential never works out. But it helped me see the cracks, learn more about myself, and know that I am worth more than what they were able or willing to give me.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Jayme Nelson,you look gorgeous!

[@terrywade3696]

@@lioydwilliams1850 The picture of “Jayme” is actually a stock photo of actress Audrey Hepburn from the 1950’s!

[@RLH_ITALIA]

You say that you were an amazing gf and he was crap. What would he say about you?

[@mrunknown164]

You damn right! In my situation she just didn’t see what i did for her and im just happy that im capable to love someone..

[@MissRiyaa22]

Susan How did you know???- this was exactly the question ive been thinking about and feeling.

[@SusanWinter]

Sarah, this is fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing this with me

[@Karimkhan-lu6db]

Im single i need to be married im 38 years old im leavening in uae

[@Veganhoneymelon]

Sameeee

[@kimley3095]

I think she is psychic!

[@serajali5659]

@@Karimkhan-lu6db gandu kahi ke

[@Oktaviii]

The problem is once that dream was crushed I don’t even want to dream again. At least for now. I’m also really ashamed of myself for even dreaming about any future with him after I found out what he did and who he truly is. I feel so stupid that I was into him. Now I’m just disgusted with myself

[@mysarah2959]

Don't be ashamed girl...he just didn't deserve u

[@childofgod310]

Imagine I feel the same like you girl right now....from 2020 upto today ,,,I thought the feeling is over but when he talked to me I realized it's not still over

[@rndmkt]

The regret not knowing and not experiencing what could happen; that makes it the hardest love to let go.

[@Jefleopard]

It does not go away. For one thing: true love never fails. It doesn’t stop. It may go dormant. But it will never die.

[@cazsad8377]

Absolutely spot on true Jeff!!! That's the thing about 'Twin Flames' too.

[@empressqi1722]

@@cazsad8377 But what if your "twin flame" is bad for you and makes you unhappy. There has to be a way out guys.

[@bobleglob162]

How do you know it's "true love"? If I relied on my feelings to tell me what is and isn't true love I would have divorced an amazing woman who truly loves me. I don't think a true love is found, I think it's built. But I don't know what your situation is. I may be making a lot of assumptions.

[@johnnyhun1]

@@cazsad8377 that whole Twin Flame alongside with the law of attraction bullcrap... bruh. You just make your life more miserable. People who believe in fairytales like that only can't accept the reality and hide behind non-existing thing like that. If you wanna quit suffering then quit making excuses and accept that it never happened, never would work, and only you thinking about him/her still, and its only because your brain's natural habit, nothing more.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

He gave me the gift of knowing what I don't want a relationship to be.

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

Which really has nothing to do with the topic of this video, that is, unless you still pine for him.

[@mguarin912]

This “person” inspired you of the dream that could be. This has actually been a life saver for me. After a brutal divorce I lost all hope in trusting another woman with my heart again. I must say the dream that is in front of me now, even if it doesn’t come to fruition, has given me hope. What a great video.

[@SusanWinter]

I’ve loved your share. Thank you so much for telling us your story.

[@MrBoogerhead01]

Wow, I've been in almost a 2 month depression because of this. There were so many "what ifs" scenarios I kept asking myself. It's been extremely difficult to stop ruminating about, especially with OCD. Love "the dream" and "messenger" concepts. Thank you so much Susan for sharing your insight on this.

[@umishiori]

Same here!! It’s been driving me insane and I wanted to get to know this situation better and I finally found this video

[@trishmorris4220]

How are u doing now?

[@kesslermontijo6304]

by chance found this, am 74 and have been a caretaker (Cancer) to my lady of 23 years for over ten years. Tho the reality is am well aware that the way it was will not return and a obligation and responsibility exist, and that flight is not an option either of us could live with, For the past 3 yrs plus have obsessed over a woman (59) who taught an evening class I took (several times than for no reason other than to be around her and said nothing).. Been aware of an obsession that will remain harmless, yet one cannot stop thinking of her! Listened to you and finally realized the futility, lost in a dream of a future. Your words have meaning and were a quick slap in the face to wake up!!! Thanks for showing the way!

[@amor8973]

Thank you Susan found out my crush is dating someone now and I have been feeling crushed and disappointed that he didn't choose me when I thought we had a connection. I feel heart broken but I know things will be better with time. I guess I did get lost in the dream. thank you for your lovely advice much love. 💙

[@patriciataremwa9735]

🫂 hugs

[@iammethefoo]

Same here girl it hurts seeing my crush act the way he did with me with other girls

[@hi_i_am_emo]

Going thru the same thing rn. Hope you're healed

[@noteuser15]

I’ve been struggling getting over someone I’ve never even dated for over a year and a half. She’s Married now. And to my surprise, this video actually helped. Thank you

[@rickmenasco322]

Didn't know how thirsty I was until I met her. Turned out what I thought was an oasis was really a mirage.

[@stormfalcon72]

Rick Menasco Wow! Well said, Rick.

[@empressqi1722]

This hit me .

[@Kiki-cb3hl]

What a smart remark!

[@ZenPepperClub]

I hope you didn't end up eating sand

[@MinAbigail]

@rickmenasco322 Best comment ever! Thank you!

[@Thyri449]

It’s been almost 5 months and I still think about it. I loop over and over again, i’m not even sure what i’m hurt about anymore but the hole is still there. I think it’s painful knowing he took my love from me and never even wanted wanted it. I don’t even want him back, he represents loss. I had never felt this way about anyone before. It’s so hard.

[@emilymann4056]

Was extremely hard to get over a guy I saw like this it’s even harder to get over a guy who wasn’t your boyfriend

[@carly_soul]

So timely. It's like you are telepathic. It's been hard to let go of the dream with this one - it felt so close to coming to pass. Yet there is a point where you have no choice but to let go. Accept. And live.

[@shannond8029]

It feels like the Carrot on the string. its right there and you can never have it. Its be hell seeing it and having to walk away 6 Months NC and im still so heartbroken. Much love to the 🥕 on a string club .

[@serajali5659]

Hi

[@tcchip]

I met someone deeply profound last year, but there were too many things that separated us, including distance. No matter how hard I tried, I could just never seem to find my way to her. And now with the borders closed, I ultimately realized that no matter how remarkable this person is, no matter how much I cared for her, I'm not meant to be with her, and I have to let this go willingly and with grace, or kicking and screaming. But eventually, I will be forced to let go either way. Thank you Susan. i needed to see this.

[@imaneennabihi151]

The same story here, with a man this time. We hadn't even the chance to know each other better, ... The distance problem. Finally I m deciding to stop bothering him with my Msges.

[@geem8747]

NOONE IS PERFECT, UNTIL YOU LOVE THEM ! (what a GREAT quote)

[@gmoney537]

What happened to me in my undergrad years in college. I'll never forget about her. She was an amazing human being. The best girl I met that I had an interest in. She didn't freeload or was a taker. We were friends and hanged out. We had diffrent views on politics and life but our friendship was a gem. I drowned her in love, maybe too much. Ended up calling for her cause I never met someone like this. Didn't tell her I was in love with her cause I didn't want to ruin the friendship. I was scared. But I kept showing her that I was. I denied that I liked her more then a friend when she brought it up cause I didn't want to ruin the friendship. Everyone knew I had a crush on her except her cause I kept saying I didn't. Even one of her roommates knew and wanted us to be together. Then all of a sudden she started distancing herself from me. I've noticed first hand and was confused. Then, I ran into one of her other old roommates one night and she spilled all the beans about how she felt about me. Sadly according to her roommate, this girl was so overwhelmed with the love I showed her despite me calling her a friend. But she just took it and slowly started keeping her distance. I saw her the very last time on our graduation day. Nice bright light brown dress she wore. I complimented her. She slightly laughs and says thanks. We graduated and that night or the next day, don't remember which day, but I sent her a nice long text saying how proud I was of her and congratulated her on getting into grad school. I told her I'll always be there for her. Sadly, till this day, going on 2 1/2 years, almost three in a few months. I've never received a response back. I ended up deleting her number soon after. The love that never happened. And it was my fault. Be straight up guys, don't play around. Tell the person how you feel. I wish I did and I regret it. I let her go, it's ok to let go but it will never go away. Haven't met anyone like her since.

[@rudyjean2745]

Damn bro... :(

[@lorenzcastillo6484]

Damn College really is the worst for young love. Gives people trauma when its one sided.

[@ronmurphree2700]

Fifty years ago I couldn’t get up the courage to ask my girlfriend to marry me when we were still in college. After graduation my career separated us and we eventually ended our relationship. I still regret not giving us a chance.

[@AllanaJewell]

I love this. And I read something once that says "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.". That helps me. Thank you.

[@evanjazzista]

Except we're talking about something that did *not* happen.

[@HaluhalongPuna]

Thanks for this! I'll look it this way from now on!

[@tanap3179]

I think it's been 7 days or more since I last checked that person on social media. It's not much but still much better than nothing! Sometimes you know that it's unhealthy holding onto that what could've been, the past. But it's actually challenging not to do it at times. thank you for your constant reminders!

[@rn6710]

Yes staying friends on social media can be one of the hardest things.

[@Concatenate]

I have successfully not checked any of her social media in several weeks, but we have a chat tool at work and she makes sure to message me about once a week, so any "strength" I build up is shattered, lol. Sometimes I think I should just say something incredibly mean to piss her off and she'll not message me again, but it's not in my heart or nature to be mean to anyone, especially her. All of this just feels like it's killing me.

[@tanap3179]

@@Concatenateidk how tempting that can be at (vulnerable) times, but you got this!

[@rn6710]

@@Concatenate Yes I am in the same position. The guy texts me about once a month and it brings back all of those difficult feelings. Stay strong!

[@Concatenate]

Thanks to both of you. I wish you two the best as well. I appreciate your kind words.

[@Eduardado]

Omg I love this approach. "They gave you the idea of what you really want". Thanks a lot!

[@bolothetitan5009]

I came here because i realized that the guy i have feelings for since we were 14 (we're both in our 30s now) will never love me back. I just feel so sad and sorry for myself that i just know that i have to let go of my feelings for him. I can't torture myself anymore.

[@eszterpeterfai3462]

I love the part where Susan suggests that "this person is the Messenger" of the Dream. Reminded me of an Angel (= the messenger of God/ love). It is so much easier now to let him go, with a positive feeling of a "win". Indeed it was a gift of God, then. 🙏

[@SusanWinter]

I hope this helps. I think it's a wake up call. I think it's a tap on the shoulder to allow us to be open to the possibility. You know the funny thing is we never realize how many people fancy us at any given time. They are silent. They are scared. They are cautious. Proof of this is when you hear years later that somebody had a crush on you, but we're afraid to act on it. So the possibility always exists… We just need to keep our eyes open.

[@Ma_Miii]

As far as I understood, we should see a love that did not happened as an example of what might happen in our future as we can see it as an experience but maybe with someone else, the right person, in much better and possible conditions. That's actually a brilliant perspect of view which I have never thought about.

[@hanjnk]

I’m a big hopeless romantic so I’m always imagining the could have been. This is the best video I have ever watched because it implies how our minds create the dream person as a safety net for our desires ♥️

[@biondna7984]

Thank you so much for this. I've been working to heal the pain of loving (silently) an unavailable person (married). I've conducted myself well and still have all my self esteem and dignity, along with the pain and loneliness. I've decided he was a sign of what I want to shoot for. "Keep the dream, replace the person." Exactly. You've vindicated my decision and my passion. His marriage has no harm from me and my dream is ALIVE.

[@AnnaG-we4up]

Exactly my story too... Also happy I acted appropriately, despite the strong desire and compatibility... Still impacts my life after four years, but will keep moving forward and hopefully one day realise the dream with someone available

[@prettybrowneyesqq]

I'll be damned if this isnt exactly what I need to hear right now. Everything is a reminder, and I cant imagine a day will ever come that my heart doesnt ache.

[@Concatenate]

I feel it, too. I hope you find healing.

[@prettybrowneyesqq]

@@Concatenate Thank you! I hope that you do as well!

[@bihongkollogov]

I have been trying to replace the person but there simply isn't another one. No one even makes effort to know me. That was the only person who became my "home" and then she didn't. It's like I've grown roots in her and I can't uproot myself.

[@PJ_222]

It happened in our youth an intense but brief passion! It's like two ships passing in the night a treasured Chapter!

[@purvasharma4983]

I have idealized 2 guys for the longest time. In one case 5 years another 8 years. The funny thing is when I got to know their real side they turned out to be worst specimen of a human being. They did not even live upto the basic human decency that one would expect. I grew so much from these fantasy relationships but I could have avoided a lot of pain if only I had gotten to know them for who they really were rather than puff them up so much in my imagination.

[@Raventhesim]

It's 3am here and I can't stop thinking about this, then Susan just posts this! we don't deserve you Susan haha

[@SusanWinter]

Oh you are so wonderful thank you Raven

[@jerolvilladolid]

I LOVED somebody for 7 years of my life and I knew they never felt the same about me. Now, this person actually entered into a romantic relationship with someone else! And only now meets me occassionally to ask for money or favors. I cant confront this person out of fear of losing them. And now im suicidal because of it. I need your help punching some sense into me!

[@lisemagdalen]

I had decided I would never marry, but after loving him, I want to build a beautiful family. I still cant let go, but I hope I will find someone who I can make this dream come true, because with him it is practically impossible.

[@themoley91]

He was a friend of many years who I reconnected with. I've never been so comfortable with someone. We spent a magical weekend together where he took me out and we even slept in the same bed. A week after that I finally found the courage to tell him how I felt and he didn't reciprocate. I am devastated. I asked a mutual friend and apparently he's done this with others before, he's a big flirt (not in a malicious way but just how his personality is) and very damaged from a past bad relationship and just can't let people in. I'm sad for both of us. I've never felt so at home with someone. For my own sanity I know I need to just close off those hopes entirely (harder because we want to stay friends, and he was very kind letting me down, as is his nature - if I was this sad about something else I'd be going to him for comfort but I can't on this) but a small part of me holds onto hope that one day he'll heal and come around. I'm pretty messed up too, we could have been there to help each other. I just wish the universe could have given me this one.

[@LJaco]

I didn't realize the pain was caused by self-designed dreams. Very wise suggestions, thank you, but still, it will be painful to get rid of it.

[@debbynofal9445]

The messenger is a beautiful way of looking at it. Heart broken nun the less.

[@carlaalexander8787]

Blimey perfect timing. Just literally now having to accept its not going to happen

[@xaeaxii7777]

Trying to process what happened ( were they afraid ? Why did it happen) This person inspired a dream You were the director, screen writer you were excited by that person They were not the person to supply but they give u an idea

[@lauriemiddleton6883]

This video brought me to the brink of tears! I had this experience and almost a year broke up with him. I still look back at times and wish I would’ve done a few things differently. The point is... he inspired me to see what I really want in a relationship even though he’s not the one. I’m so thankful!!! Great video and great question.❤️❤️❤️

[@ItsNotAllRainbows_and_Unicorns]

Regrets are those things that haunt us and we have the hardest time letting them go. I think Susan should do a discussion on regrets.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for your share Laurie

[@SusanWinter]

Pea Stone oh good idea

[@worldofcats9611]

Wow!!! Thank you! I was beating myself up because I ended a friendship with a great guy, a good confidant friend, unfortunately I fell in love with him and he told me he only sees me as a friend. So I was too hurt and jaded to keep the friendship even though it was a good one. I wanted more. I wanted him. 💔

[@allyviagarza2210]

I’ve never heard of this, now I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone or totally crazy

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Allyvia Garza,your lovely smile can make the news

[@vedanttaneja8578]

Can you replace your mother? That means you never loved that person , you just wanted instant gratification. You can never replace a person you love. Never.

[@danaik5717]

I've lived in many countries and moved around a lot. In each of these places I left behind people I wished I had the time and the right circumstances to enjoy passionate moments with. I've been struggling a lot in my mind with fantasy romances and relationships that "could have happened" . The idea of seeing the person as a humble "messanger" INSTANTLY helped me take off the pedestal all these guys that have been crowding my mind over the years. Living with these thoughts has been so draining, so maddening and energy-consuming! This perspective has brought me a huge relief! Thank you Susan! 🙏❤️

[@thomasgallegos2832]

Don't think about it . Do it . Enjoy life .Make time.

[@hgzmatt]

I know exactly what you mean. I've got people I know all over the place, just not where I live. That's why I want to actually stay here for a while to meet people and make something possible.

[@ronelferrolino3269]

Yes ,this happened to me and my mind is pretty much playing games ...it was this pretty girl ...and cant get rid of her face ,shes always in my mind ..this person physically knew me but i dont know her or her name either... and with this i realized that its only my mind that has been playing tricks, its like a dream where youre in a beautiful fantasy land and in the long run you gain nothing and it ended up in vain.

[@kiringuyen]

Wow, “the messenger”!! It makes me feel relieved when I think of them that way. Brilliant. Thank you! ♥️

[@ushere5791]

for me, the gift is seeing that there actually is someone attractive enough to me that i could have fallen in love and loved them unconditionally. by rejecting me (nothing ever happened with them), this person has convinced me that i am done with the whole relationship thing: i'm happy and free right now, without any partner, so, even though i have to divorce the dream, i also know that this person saved me all the challenges of being in a relationship--especially if it had turned out to be a negative relationship. so that's part of the gift, too.

[@olgahays6739]

I love the analogy. The Dream and the Messanger. Yet I can't help but wonder: What if the Messenger IS the Dream? Without him, the Dream makes no sense. Attaching the Dream inspired by him to someone else - makes no sense... This is how I feel about my situation. "It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want."

[@welutha]

Does the man in the Dream want you, love you, recognize your worth and cherish it? How about the real man you atteched this Dream to? If he is not there, doing the things the Dream man would be doing...he is not the Dream.

[@dannukesem]

Yeah, this is the one that gets me, 20 years later.

[@rn6710]

Thank you for reframing this for me, Susan. He wasn't ready for my dream and it's time for me to move on and make it happen with someone else.

[@lolitzshelly7229]

I’ve been coming back to this video because I just find it so comforting.

[@MM-om4or]

But the dream is sooooo sooooo sweet😭😭🥰🥰🥰

[@mois9555]

I am hurting because I know it's him. I've had other relationships, it's him. It gets worse not better as time goes on.

[@amandaconnell653]

Its good to know that just because a relationship doesn't come to fruition & there may be disappointment & sadness in that mix the thing to take away is......your dream is always a real possibility You can have the dream again with someone else who'll make it a reality. Interesting vid Susan. Stay safe all Amanda from Wales 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 💖 💖 💖👍👍👍

[@joycerodgers6381]

This person I definitely admired! It wasn't love it was infuation' we had a long goodbye hug and we ended it!

[@lenkanickova5176]

It took me four years to let go of the dream... But in the meantime, I wrote a book and released my first album as a song-writer - used to sing other people´s stuff, but the pain opened up some hidden creative aspect of me...And started me out on a new path! Good luck to you all, who are suffering from unrequitted love!

[@MauveBlossom]

WOW

[@loofahsswanson559]

Creeps me out that KZbin knows whats weighing in my mind, but thanks Susan I needed this!

[@jeazelcalalang8970]

It’s like you’re speaking right directly to me, Susan. Perfect timing as always. Thank you!!

[@edwinlucianofrias1643]

I kept the day dreams. It doesn’t hurt anymore but I still think about her all the time.

[@Larissa-of3qt]

''Thw biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.'' - Bob Marley

[@SuperBigdude77]

women do the same thing

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

​@@SuperBigdude77exactly, but when a woman does it she's strong and independent and it's her prerogative to have changed her mind.

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

The woman is the gatekeeper to sex. If she allowed it, she was willing to take the chance.

[@norapeace6526]

I always say this.... he showed me what I really want but he also had things I didn't want which would make us not work, which is why I stopped us from dating in the first place 😪 still doesn't stop me from thinking about him tho

[@miczmusicandtravel2036]

This is exactly what I experienced. I was so disappointed with what happened then I almost give up on love coz I always feel it but always failed. Your words touched my heart and made me realize that I am not a failure, I'm just a dreamer and I know that I will find the love that I am longing for sooner or later.

[@michaelsix9684]

a final thought--years ago a female lawyer wrote to Ann Landers and said---you can do all the right things and still be single and not find someone special in life, it's not always your fault or lack of trying--you must still live your life, enjoy what you have now and create a future, and not wait for someone to arrive or fulfill your dreams--that may never happen--work on what you can control, all the women I've really liked I met by accident, dating never worked, be available and strive to be the best person you can be now

[@SatumainenOlento]

PERFECT TIMING! This video is a life-saver!!! I am having a crush to a married man and he is having a crush on me. ( *No, I have not done anything stupid with him!!!* ). I have not fallen for anybody for 12 years so it is hard to let go this time, even that all my logic says that "nothing good comes from this". So this video is absolutely brilliant! Thank you!!! He really is just a gift waking me up to my own dream!!! I feel very beautiful about this now and feel like I can let go of him! There will be somebody else for me!!! (Only I hope it is not going to take another 12 years to fall for somebody again, but like I said, nothing good could come from this!). Now I see the difference between a man and a dream. And I can still keep my beautiful dream 😊 😊😊 I feel very grateful! ❤❤❤ (And again, I have done *NOTHING* wrong with this married man. The heart does not always choose wisely a real candidate for a relationship. I fell for him extremely gradually and for years I did not even understand what was going on. Now when I know how, it is much easier to distance and let go!) Thank you so much Susan!!! 💗💗💗

[@olgahays6739]

"it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen. But it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want."

[@gerardandrews7006]

You've got a right to walk away when the other person was mocking you for a talent you have that not many have. Now this person is puffing and panting with deep breaths more like regrets with what they did . I walked away I'm felling great now . But I do admit it did hurt me tbh at the start

[@TheBohemianStyle]

The problem is that in the future, you don’t find anything better.

[@tommignoneny661]

Very true Christina

[@EddyMerlyBorjaLit]

I can relate with this. Lost, LITERALLY the kind of guy I have always prayed for ever since I was young. To the dot. Basically, my dream guy. I was surprised that he exists, and lives right here in our city. But I met him when I was at my worst. what are the odds. we would've been each other's first loves. and we shared the same purpose (he didn't know this, tho). I honestly think i wont ever get over him. ive come to the point that i might have to accept that i will just live a passionless life.

[@sarahcarla8426]

@@EddyMerlyBorjaLit Me too I feel so bad..I'm actually scared for my future life in regard to relationship

[@Maria-gt3kr]

Letting go is perhaps the hardest thing to do and until something else comes in focus that helps reroute the rumination i stay stuck. Thank you for this one!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Maria Freedom Flower,your pretty smile can make the news

[@cazsad8377]

Didn't happen for me. 33 years later, and an unspoken relationship, that did happen on so many levels... He's passed away now, but that feeling we shared lives on... Hard to describe , but very real still today

[@cazsad8377]

@Salem You’re the one who needs help. If this content doesn’t interest you, get off the page and go be a troll somewhere else.

[@geezerthree]

Thank you Susan. This message came at the perfect time. Just learned that he is marrying her! My ego is black and blue! But the gift of the dream … I love it.

[@mr.shihab4089]

I found this sooo peaceful that she isn't the one after all what I did but she gave me a gift 🎁✨ much easier to let her go

[@TiagoJRToledo]

It's been 16 years, and it still hasn't gone away... Am I broken?

[@cherylcuttineau7916]

A masterful explanation by a Master teacher! It took being drawn to three unavailable partners before I realized I was creating "the dream" instead of dealing with the reality. "Third time's a charm!"

[@sugarandspice2136]

I’m mad that I didn’t see this before! 😂

[@nikkibelton2109]

Wow!!! This explanation really opened me up and explained a lot of questions. I still have the dream💜it's gonna manifest with someone else. Love it. I can take a DEEP BREATH NOW 💨💨💨