Take Care Of Yourself As If Your Life Depended On It (Because It Does)

[@leecoulson4224]

Really appreciate that you don’t use this channel as a platform to agressively promote products or sell us solutions, really refreshing

[@Reptilian.Complex]

That is something one psychologist told me 4 years ago. She told "You have to be egoist for some time and care mainly for yourself. That way you can heal and help others much more than you can help them now."

[@UTP504]

She was right💯.

[@badidea6034]

❤️❤️❤️

[@Sanisfaction]

Thats Solid advice!

[@Alice_Walker]

Being my own health care worker and thinking about my "patient" needing aggressive daily care because they are chronically ill is a pretty powerful way to look at taking care of myself.

[@annelbeab8124]

Great idea ! I start talking to myself and giving myself guidance as I would do with "to go for a walk/shopping/showering, now it's perfectly fine and the best thing to do"

[@earthrooster1969]

Resonates as where I am right now! Reparenting too... myself ❤

[@luislanga]

This is all very important, but I struggle with self-worth a lot. Why would I take care of someone I don't care about? Sometimes I get on a self-care season and when that initial spark that motivated me to take care of myself goes away I just get stuck on "why bother?". I can't find reasons to justify being here anymore. I wish I had someone to care for me just for a bit. Even though you don't know who I am, I get a warm, personal feeling from watching your videos, like you're a friend, so thanks Dr. Eilers.

[@Macabresque]

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha Why do you think you're somehow undeserving of care and self-worth? You do have someone to care for you... yourself. ❤️ The fight through depression is worth it, and you're worth the effort. Take care! 🙏🏻

[@Натал20]

I have another theory why people develop this kind of thinking. I think we experience pretty early on that helping others is an easy, safe, and quick way to boost our self-esteem and get validation. Society rewards helpfulness, and that's first and foremost a good thing. But many people only strive for outside validation on "being a good person" and never learn to give that validation to themselves.

[@annelbeab8124]

So well said. Plus we want not to abandon others as we were abandoned/neglected/treated. It seems squaring the circle in our minds.

[@gilliangirl1]

I am a social worker. I am burnt out. Thank you for this.

[@MG-pj2oo]

I only made it 3 years as a social worker. Now I rescue dogs, out of pocket, and have about as much money as when I was barely paid to do social work.

[@earthrooster1969]

Givers are burnt out in general. I gave myself to my corporate job. Burn out. I love animals and later did petsitting where I was in huge demand. Burn out again! Now, with my chronic health issues which have shown up vigorously, I have no choice but really learning self care...

[@earthrooster1969]

​@@MG-pj2ooI did petsitting for pay and had a handful of clients who were very stuck with me. It paid my bills but still the work was SO draining though very fulfilling... Today with chronic health issues, I am forced to look after my own well-being. Hope you find a way or ways to rescue and also earn money...

[@marybowen9820]

You make me cry every time I listen to you. Not in a bad way. Its like you are voicing what I can't. And when I can articulate it I always cry

[@thatgirlfromBlaketown]

💯💯❤❤❤❤

[@Mr.Owl777-u9p]

I just found this channel not too long ago and not gonna lie these videos are what’s keeping me hopeful of living a decent life in the future! Im 22 and because of my stutter and feeling like an outcast, my insane low self esteem is what’s been driving me to make countless mistakes that has built my dreadful life and everyday feels like a battle to try and change it for the better. But I just want to thank you Scott for putting this content out here because 99% of the things you put out relate to me on such a deep level and I’m sure many people can say the same. For anyone who’s watching: Please try and be kind to yourself on this healing journey. I know it may seem like there’s no way out but every small step counts!

[@leecoulson4224]

You too mate, take care of yourself as Scott says and believe in a better future. There is so much good coming for you ahead still

[@LudvigIndestrucable]

I hope you know this, but even if you never get your stutter under control, it absolutely will not matter to anyone worth your attention. I have PTSD and was out for dinner with a friend, there was a fireworks display and I ended up cowering and shaking on the pavement. I was hugely embarrassed and self conscious, even when I knew the explosions were coming I couldn't steel myself against my reaction, I knew perfectly well how I was behaving and how it must have looked, I just couldn't stop it, but the only thing my friend cared about was that I was okay. You will find people who care about you, even when you don't care for yourself. The things we're ashamed of matter to people far less than we think.

[@mrevanoc]

You are the most relatable mental health professional I have ever encountered. It truly feels like I listen to actual human. My psychiatrist isn't doing much since he & she talked about mental issue as an profession not as a human emotion. It drives me to marginalize my human emotion in order to be seemingly normal like any of them suggest. But you deeply put the humanity aspect in all of your lectures. You are truly human speaking with other human. Everything you have said is surprisingly relatable to the spiritual, emotional, and intellectual level. Your words are sometimes bitter yet true but uplifting and actionable. My life is collapsing but I listen to your words. It gives me a chance to always try for tomorrow.

[@kathleenbigsmoke-mitchell4898]

I even tell my therapist about him! Lol

[@earthrooster1969]

I am wondering what your therapist feels 😅 but they must be great if you are able to share this ​@@kathleenbigsmoke-mitchell4898

[@scottrogers9017]

Dr. Scott - what do you do when something as simple as brushing your teeth or taking a shower seems as simple as sitting for a IRS audit or climbing Mount Everest? Every single thing I do of any substance is honestly like a chore. I feel like I can’t do ANYTHING! ANYTHING!!!

[@David-rt7hg]

Bump for visibility

[@suchismitakar2154]

relate. but i would give you a tip. visualise yourself suceeslfully completing the task and the sense of accomplishment..how fresh and ready you would feel ....

[@scottrogers9017]

Even a visit with family or, a vacation or concert, etc. - just the thought of anything that requires ANY effort causes a level of anxiety that almost brings me to tears. I said on a previous video that I haven’t lived in 30 years, and that is mostly true. I was once an internationally known studio/touring drummer. Now all I can do regularly is stay in bed and be taken care of. I’m smart (IQ = 162), a bit funny, and look relatively normal. People see me and cannot fathom anything being wrong, much less “disabled”… What is step one? The way things are now, I’m just waiting around to die… 😔

[@scottrogers9017]

@@suchismitakar2154 - part of my problem is that I don’t produce much if any dopamine. That means that when I accomplish any task worth doing - from cleaning house to taking a shower to going to the store - it doesn’t generate any positive feelings or any sense of accomplishment. Makes EVERYTHING work with no emotional reward… 😔

[@suchismitakar2154]

@@scottrogers9017 i understand. it is hard to exist. but do know you need people and people need you to be around. pour all your thoughts on paper if not to anyone else. And try to remember that 16 year old version of yourself before life got in the way. We live for that bright eyed kid. Also you do NOT need permission to live a certain way. Try and fail. You will find a way which will suit you the best.

[@russb24]

It's a cliche but true: adjust your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

[@IamBeautyBraeden]

4:25 - 8:33 *8:34 Prioritise Fundamentals: 1. Pursuing your passions > Develop your talent & skill set 2. Regular meaningful Connection 3. Healthy Brain > Sleep, Diet, Activity, Grounded Calmness / Stress Management = Completely different Experience out there in the World >(imo) Greater Capacity to Get things Done while Enjoying more Life (than white knuckling through life)

[@SFKathy2250]

Thank you for this clarification, Dr. Eilers. I was a caregiver for a long time, and the hardest thing about life after losing my Mom is all the thoughts I had to help her that keep coming - I read an article or see a recipe and think about how much it would help or delight her. It's been difficult to apply even a fraction of that concern to myself.

[@georgemaxwell4984]

I hope people really listen to this and take it seriously. If I had heard this and put it action years ago I wouldnt now be disabled with chronic illness. Great advise. 👍

[@curiouslyme524]

Thank you for this, Dr. Eilers. Very timely video.

[@erinflood9623]

I really needed to hear this. I have a doctor's appointment this week to find out I have diabetes and because of depression I don't even care. I have not been taking care of myself because I don't think I am worth the effort. I care more about my job than myself. I will take your advice about aggressive self-care. Your KZbin channel has really helped me - especially the video about ambiguous grief.

[@earthrooster1969]

I was always SO good at taking care of others...my job, my pet that when I lost both ( job, pet) and developed chronic health issues ( including mental) I realised I am so poor at looking after myself. Today I take one day at a time and care about what I do, what I feel and even forgive myself for slip ups. I maintain a journal before going to sleep ( a small para) allows me to realise that each day is different from the other and that feels like progress no matter how slow... Hope you are able to find your own small and big ways to self care that make you feel YOU are worth it ❤

[@ladybird169]

I love this channel although it constantly reminds me why I left therapy: because the advices given don't apply to my AuDD situation. Yet I find it comforting. Overall picture doesn't match me but it gives food for my thoughts, way better than trying to paint the whole picture myself, that is impossible. I'm recovering and doing my best possible for 5 years now and my quality of life is not ok. I'm looking forward to this video.

[@Sesso20]

Hey Scott; thanks so much for your videos - through listening to your videos more often again, I realize that I am on a better path than many years ago already.. and this year just had way too many bad days than there would usually be. Despite that, I have managed to not break down completely like I would have in the past and its mostly, because I realized that I have to step down sometimes and step up for myself - being very determined to get my sleep hygiene right, to strive for connections whereever possible and to give my body the nutrients it needs to function. But as you said; being in a haze, triggered, dissociated, in freeze or stuck in escapism, its sometimes really hard to see yourself clearly. When you put this into perspective and I think you did that so wonderfully; "You are taking care of a person with mental health needs above average" or "Would you force your grandmother to watch TikTok videos with you even though she says she is tired". It made me laugh a lot; because it sounds so ridiculious, and at the same time, its what I usually do, when I am overwhelmed and I "revenge procrastinate". Its not even bad for the night being, but also next day you are already taxing yourself with a burned out body; making it easier to fall prey to ill-advised decisions. Its such a hamster wheel.. and it underscores how much of an effort has to be taken to take care of someone who needs more care and attention. Especially attentiveness.

[@falconbritt5461]

Nurses and teachers are both more likely to get autoimmune disorders (which can plague us for life, they at this point can be managed but not ended as far as I know). If we don't demand of ourselves that we do self-care routinely, it will have dire consequences. We Must eat healthful foods daily, get a lot of sleep (preferably going to bed earlier than most people because sleep before midnight is twice as restorative). We must force ourselves to walk regularly and push some play time into our lives routinely, and reduce stress as much as possible (move to a rural area to reduce stressful commuting, for example). It isn't just autoimmune conditions that will lay you out with fatigue and much more horrific symptoms, either. About 40% of my colleagues at the high school died of weird cancers within 10 years. Take these matters seriously or the stress will take you out of circulation, possibly even into the next world. Being alone and unable to work for decades will then create depression in a helper type. Believe me. Wish I had realized sooner, we can't ignore balanced living and self-care. It's not a luxury item. Thank you for this video, at this point I now know I need to pursue some passion, maintain connection, and stop scrolling so much (it does ruin the forebrain, affecting how functional I am because executive function skills are super important).

[@Jeanie548]

❤

[@annelbeab8124]

You are saying what Gabor Maté quoted: most people with auto immune disorders are women. The choice of profession, the way to dedicate yourself has been the way to be "a good girl' - not that this mechanism wasn't also applied to many boys.

[@MaxsAxes]

Trying the medical route for help and am getting pockets drained with very little progress. This seems to be many others experience as well, I want help, now what? All the professionals say to just ask, well i dont think many know what to do after that.. like the actionable part...the part that actually really is crucial. Its honestly just so bleak.

[@JackAmato]

It really is! It is sad how many professionals in the mental health field advertise services and when contacted it turns out there are extremely rigid criteria. Most of the people I know reach out for an advertised service only to be told they do not fit specific criteria and then referred to other organizations that continue to pass the “patient” on to other organizations without providing help!

[@pinkiehunter8443]

Sounds so familiar. So many of us have treatment resistant depression. The biological component is very complex & requires extensive investigation of bloodwork hormones enzymes to find out where the disconnect is. Most MHPs/therapists are not able to provide this detailed & in depth investigation of our condition. For those like us we need a psychiatrist or neuro-psychiatrist; one who can go into greater detail. That’s where I’m headed next. Wish you well hope you find meaningful help!

[@arch1q892]

You need to understand no one can do things for you therapist do nothing you need to change yourself

[@arch1q892]

Mental resistance you just diagnosed yourself with this shit to fell better and have excuse to do nothing

[@paulinamajka5438]

To jest tak proste i oczywiste że aż genialne. Dlaczego tak często robimy sobie taką krzywdę, traktujemy wszystkich innych lepiej niż siebie?

[@Macabresque]

Thank you so much for this. 🙏🏻 You talk far more sense than the majority of the many therapists I've seen, which is sad but true. Pulling myself up out of depression and working on taking better care of myself, mostly through my own sheer effort via self-help, is the single biggest challenge I have ever faced in life, but I've come a long way thanks to therapists like you posting your content on KZbin. I will try my best to take your advice seriously. ❤️

[@charlenewallmark1187]

This was tremendous.!!! I’ve never considered being my own ‘caregiver’…thank you 🙏🏻

[@jeankipper6954]

Your content, based solidly on your realistic EXPERIENCE, is very helpful. I will see you next time. Thank you.

[@JaymeeKay]

I have listened to thousands of hours of self-help, and this is solid and impressively doable advice. ❤❤❤

[@KatLaurangeArt]

Dr Scott, thank you so much for dropping these truths in simple and powerful ways. Your videos have helped me a lot

[@suchismitakar2154]

thank you..i was struggling to remind myself it is not wrong to think of myself first.

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

I feel validated finally!! To those not in healthcare: you may hear about those patients that yell, cuss and scream at healthcare staff-that is you to yourself. You are your own worst patient when caring for yourself. I’m no exception. I’m eating a candy bar as I watch this when I could’ve had a piece of fruit 🥴

[@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv]

Thank you Dr Scott for another great video.

[@Wingedmagician]

This is one to rewatch

[@edreynolds2819]

Thank you so much for taking the time to say this, Scott. This is truth. I must face the truth about my situation. Humility?

[@in2caffeine]

Thanks Scott.

[@KJDogluv]

Not me. I was full of empathy day one.

[@observerone6727]

After survival, quality of mind is Project #1, because quality of life derives from quality of mind.

[@mtnshelby7059]

Thank you for this important message. Like many I was raised not to be "selfish." But it seems that by prioritizing outdoor exercise my entire life...I have been taking care of my "selfish" self anyway😅.

[@suzannerodriguez1869]

This describes me lately getting bombarded with all the “crises “ of one friend, it’s so draining on me.

[@Wiggywoo1977]

You are an inspiration to myself and going by the comments, many others.

[@severayede5800]

Thank You so much!

[@diannegoode9010]

Thankyou for explaining what self care really means.

[@lightwinsoverdarkness]

thanks for sharing these practical insights!

[@lauraflint18]

Thank you.

[@pinkiehunter8443]

I recently learned that mental health is the most chronic disease worldwide numbering more than cancer heart disease etc. MH is an epidemic but the medical community has been reluctant to throw money & research into it because of the stigma associated with it. Ppl will jump behind causes like cancer etc but shy away from MH. There’s not enough money so it gets pushed aside despite the numbers of the affected.

[@arch1q892]

Yeah we all insane that's ok you need to learn to deal with it

[@pinkiehunter8443]

@@arch1q892 we all ‘deal with it’ to some degree because we are still here but wanting a better quality of life is the biggest struggle

[@TheIrishBosnian]

Great advice every time. 😲👍

[@CATAZTR0PHE]

Wow, you're wise. What you're telling is really wise. May God bless you.

[@TheComedyGeek]

You can't care for yourself if you don't care about yourself, and I don't. Nobody cared about me when I was a kid. I had three older siblings and I was a "surprise" baby and the message was clear : I shouldn't even be here. Nobody cared for me, nobody looked out for me, nobody guided me, and nobody thought I was their responsibility. It was very clear to me that I was worth absolutely nothing. Not effort, not time, not attention, and definitely not money. I spent my whole childhood cringing in apology for being alive. So from whom was I to learn to take care of myself? All I learned was how to shut down and isolate myself because at least when I was alone in my room, nobody was regretting my existence and I could feel at least somewhat okay. I didn't ask to be here. But I was blamed for it anyway.

[@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv]

I can relate. I was forever told I was a "mistake" by my Dad as I was growing up. Although that didn't cut at my core, the way he treated me did. When you're abused as a child, it certainly effects you as an adult if left unresolved. I hope you find peace. Everyone deserves to be loved and nurtured. ❤

[@TheComedyGeek]

@@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv How we're treated affects us far more than what we are told. My parents never told me I was unwanted but they sure treated me that way. My condolences for your childhood. :(

[@malindagoldman1175]

I've been in bed for days knots in my hair I'm a mess 😢

[@amberc3728]

❤

[@Terri1373]

If my dog wasn't around, I'd be the same. I know how you feel, and I'm sorry 😢 ❤

[@musicmamma]

Thank you for this, Dr. Eilers!!❤❤

[@mpetrison3799]

And if you don't like being alive, then is it logical not to care for it - at least in ways likely to extend its continuation? 🤔

[@kmech3rd]

A good point that few are willing to think about.

[@pinkiehunter8443]

I often feel that way too. Is it we don’t like being alive or we like being alive just not in the messed up world we live in? I’ve contemplated moving to a new city/state where I can start new & leave the old junk & surroundings behind.

[@scottrogers9017]

@@mpetrison3799 I think I get what you’re saying. Most of the time I feel like I’m just waiting around to die. The little things cause so much anxiety they feel impossible, and when I “can’t” do even the simplest of things, I feel more like a worthless failure. Why bother?

[@belovedhymns7548]

This video is so helpful- thanks

[@SmashMaster]

Wow I’m impressed how much she has achieved in such a short time. ❤

[@bertholdroettgers213]

Your content is very helpful, as always!👍👍👍

[@johngallagher72]

Treat yourself Ike you were caring for a person you love ...Jordan Peterson

[@Terri1373]

I really dont care about myself. Just my dog, and maybe some friends. I'm mostly alone and find it hard to function daily. I keep going. For my sweet dog and do things for him. If he wasn't here, I'd never get out of bed.

[@akosbrett2564]

What what if I don't have anyone to really connect, especially on a daily bases?

[@daniellejones6339]

I don't either i'm alone. I don't know What to do.

[@Sunweaver593]

Find a place to volunteer. Animal shelters need people to walk dogs and pets are a great way to break the ice with people. Schools might want to have someone who could listen to children read or help out in the classroom (probably have to pass a security clearance check). I made friends with the baristas at my local drive thru coffee. They actually comped me for my coffee when I went thru chemo and radiation for my cancer. It does take effort, it did for me, since I am an extreme introvert.

[@akosbrett2564]

@@Sunweaver593 I tried many places, beyond my comfort zone, but only get dissapointed. I don't say there is no chance, but I'm kinda tired of this. And one thing is to chit-chat with someone, and another if you really connect, and like each other.

[@Sunweaver593]

@Chit chat, for me, is getting my foot in the door, since it isn’t as threatening.

[@squorly]

yes, it's not good to tell us things get really dark without that

[@idontknowyetwhoiam]

What if you don’t really care that your life depends on it?

[@stefgreen5237]

These life lessons, as an autistic person… oh boy. We don’t do generalisations. “Stop thinking of yourself, think of others” means no nuance, that’s just what you always have to do in every situation. It’s a recipe for disaster and no one even realises what’s happening.

[@jean-brunotremblay3361]

I do regularly freudian slips. To hear Dr.Scott mixing «the most important» and «the least important» is funny, we should not make too much of it. It might just mean to slow down with superlatives.

[@janeyrevanescence12]

What if you don't really have anything to live for anymore? I've been really struggling since my fiancé died 13 years ago. I was willing to get better and do my best for his sake as much as my own. I need a purpose. I need a function. And I don't have that anymore.

[@rebeccar4312]

Oh Scott, I have listened to several of your videos and being told "you are not alone regarding this" is NOT comforting! I wish I was the only one that felt as I do- then there would be some hope. As is, knowing so many suffer is wrenching!!! And an atrocious commentary of the nature of this society. As for being told that things are hard and a lot of work...just what a debilitated person does not need more of when just breathing is asking too much. In the words of Albert Camus, "Killing oneself is admitting that all of the habits and effort needed for living are not worth the trouble." So, what do you say to an elder orphan who is disabled in pain, unable to walk, has no family, injured by the medical system etc.etc. When peeling an avocado is ones major accomplishment for the day, who used to travel, hike for miles, etc. Is this a (non) quality of life to stick around for?

[@CloClosimodo]

I couldn't get past a minute of this before Animosity arrose

[@addictfull1999]

❤

[@Certhiafamiliaris]

The thinks I feel competent in (botany, species knowledge, hiking) jusg make me more depressed about the state of the world and that we are pretty bad as a species. Connection to other people is hard when no one ever has time to go for a walk or bouldering when I ask them and doing that alone gives me no reason to keep up that habit

[@Vixnsix]

💙❄️☃️🕯☃️❄️💙 love you Scott. I share your wisdom daily. you should for real do Rogan....no lie. I think you both would hit it off great

[@Jeanie548]

❤❤❤

[@stringcheeseofficial1977]

Watching this knowing i havent brushed my teeth in three days like 👁👄👁

[@chinookvalley]

My mental therapist and physical therapist are looking for new jobs, as they say their jobs are going away next year due to the coming administration. Same for my housing assistance. All the people who are there to help us survive are going to get kicked to the curb, just because they help low income or people who are seniors and/or disabled.

[@pinkiehunter8443]

The current system isn’t working & a restructuring is on the horizon to improve treatment not eliminate it. There is so much misinformation floating around that in and of itself is depressing. Don’t give up keep reaching out keep searching for what works for you.

[@jvllejan]

You are joking Oh man afmm sorry that's my wet cardboard box house~ home getting in the way 😂

[@balbae]

What about when you just want to die because you don’t find a purpose in life? And instead of caring you destroy yourself with really bad habits. You’re in a toxic state and cycle. For example, I have insomnia and I am not able to function during the day. I overthink why this is happening as well as I have other physical symptoms. I have been like this for 6 months. I tied medicine but it’s not working.

[@PatinatedDog]

Sorry, although I agree with most of what you say; the title of this video makes no sense when the last thing I want to do is preserving my life.

[@angelenaboden]

My life is now pointless

[@dotdashdotdash]

Seek help, please

[@KJDogluv]

If it was you would not be here seeking help. You are awesome even if you feel shitty. Hugs.

[@mrevanoc]

Life is like a wheel of cheese. It might be pointless but it's better on pizza

[@patrickmccormick1893]

Sending love… no chance it’s pointless. There are always possibilities to forge connections and make things better.

[@Terri1373]

What of you dont have anyone you can connect with every day? Im alone everg day apart from my dog. My neighbour gives me a lift once a week to go shopping for food and that's it.

[@johngallagher72]

Question and feel free to answer i will definitely consider any and all suggestions. At 52 if you notice that you no longer have the patience for the worlds stupidity how do you cope/ manage / get buy. I watched another video on behavioural activation and it makes a good point that withdrawing / working from home is not the answer for your overall mental health. Really wrestling with this dichotomy right now and just wonder if anyone has achieved this balance in their personal and professional lives.

[@Vixnsix]

counter negativity with humor and a smile

[@johngallagher72]

@Vixnsix it's hard but you are right probably the best strategy 👍

[@Vixnsix]

@johngallagher72 be a better you. be the change you want to see

[@alenasviridova1022]

But what if I don't want to take care of myself? I didn't apply for this job, no one asked my opinion

[@shivangisrivastava1123]

But not everybody learnt from those rebukes that he or she is the least important person... Then why some people including me learnt this?

[@sm0g-810]

Why put more pressure on people by having titles like this

[@Vixnsix]

People need a push sometimes...did you make your bed this morning

[@dinahconnell6947]

Maybe sometime soon you could have a talk about no contact with adult children and how that affects your mental health on the 72 year old woman and I haven't seen my older son for over a year and he lives less than a half an hour away from me and thus I do not see my granddaughter either😢

[@evadebruijn]

Are your children responsible for your mental health?