Tamar -- What nobody told me about transition

[@Anim8torCathy]

I'm 60 and just beginning my journey. Thank you for this.

[@transmatized]

I'm one month on T today and this video is so fucking real and so fucking true to a transitioning experience

[@liam-maxblomquist2480]

I'm so glad you did this video today is actually my one month on T and it sent me into a bit of a depression once i started T cuz it was like i had finally reached my goal and after a very long time waiting i finally got T and then it was like what do i do now and i am obviously still being miss gendered all the time cuz nothing has changed yet and it just fucking sucks waiting.

[@kiljoyjankens7380]

I'm at the same point man! It really sucks and i wish it was a lot easier to transition in society and be seen as who we, as trans people, want to be seen as. Y'know?

[@somekindofqueer9937]

Liam Blomquist Right?! I call it the Russian Dolls of waiting cause it's like waiting within waiting within waiting. I'm right there with you man.

[@elliotstunes]

love this video tamar. thank you for talking about this. exactly how i feel

[@treesandhoney]

Thank you for expressing this.

[@mitchpunk]

Thank you for sharing these thoughts of yours. I think a lot of us experience this "middle space" somehow and even though we get through it differently, we can still relate to each other because of it. At least that's a little comforting, right? I hope that, as you continue your transition, it gets better for you and even if it's little by little your anxiety starts to fade away. Stay strong.

[@somekindofqueer9937]

+Mitch Punk Thank you so much for this

[@samuelsutherland5516]

Awesome video man !

[@purpelsunshine1]

Tamar, I'm still pre-t, but I've experienced a lot of this and you basically took the thoughts out of my brain and put it into words. Thanks for this. It really is a daily struggle and it's hard to go through this, especially when it's an invisible struggle and most people in your life have no idea how difficult it is and can't understand it.

[@somekindofqueer9937]

purpelsunshine1 I totally feel you on it being an invisible struggle, that's a really good way to frame it. I'm gonna quote Regina Spektor right now and say "taking steps is easy standing still is hard." Sending you strength

[@jkiddla]

Your words hit really close to home, Tamar. I've been through it - yea it def sucked and the only thing that would solve it is time. What helped to get me through was focusing on doing stuff that would help in the later months such as working out, eating more healthily and finally just waiting it out. I know that's not the best way to handle this but then I turned to anything that could distract me from it. Of course some soul-searching would have been important, but most of the time it gets too much.

[@katrins0musik]

good topic. that's exactly how I'm feeling these days (6 month on t)... thanks for sharing this!

[@TheTastyAsian]

Thank you for sharing Tamar! :D That was wonderfully said, I have those same thoughts too many times throughout my day, but I never knew how to word it.

[@parkershot]

I'm in the same "space" right now in transition (pre-t though) and the conversations are key in my opinion. I started a new job as Parker and explained to my co-workers what's going to be happening with me. It's awkward but necessary. I'm glad you mentioned the partner thing too. I've been with my wife for 9 years and she's known how I felt about my gender from the beginning but I didn't tell her what I don't really like when it comes to intimacy until a few years ago. She was fine with it, but upset that I didn't tell her sooner. It's all good now. Great video. Thanks for the topic.

[@somekindofqueer9937]

Parker Shot Sure thing man! I'm so happy that you've been able to have these conversations with your wife and people at your job. When I hear stories like yours and know that somewhere out there someone else like me is having a really hard conversation it helps me when I'm going through it so thank you!!

[@skiproots259]

"the awkward middle space" Perfect way of describing it! I feel like I am just getting out of that stage and im 16 months on T, Im glad you chose this topic because there really isnt any videos of people talking about it. Like you said you cant just lock yourself away and come out of hiding when you're ready for people to see you. I didn't completely pass until at least 10 months on T. seriously. and I would get so so upset when people misgendered me. But looking back at old pictures of me even I am like "seriously, why would I get upset when I get misgendered. There is no way I passed."

[@SamArmijo]

I know exactly what you mean and I'm glad you're talking about it. I had complications at the start as well and I feel behind in my transition, I thought it would go by fast as well but everyone is different. It sucks having to constantly tell yourself that. My God someone who gets it, I want to do so many things but like you said when you arent being read right or living as who you're comfortable being its so fucking hard. Thank you.

[@H4CK41D]

omg I related so much to the part you want to do things but not being the person you want to do them as

[@DesignGuy17]

After saying that - yes it feels like ages man. But when you hit 3 years on T the first couple of years are but a distant memory!

[@DaltonDeacon]

Essentially, you have your initial transition. Then following, if/when you start medically transitioning, that is a brand new transition in itself. I completely love this video because I had a small period of time after I started T, where I felt lost and this video perfectly explains why.

[@somekindofqueer9937]

+Dalton Deacon I'm so glad man! I like what you said about another transition...within transition.. that's really a great way of framing it.

[@nunya4908]

OMG yes dude, right on the head!

[@jasoneaton3683]

at this point, I'm totally socially transitioned. At around 9 months after initially coming out, I came out to my parents, and I was just ready to go on T at that moment. And that hasn't happened yet, and I'm feeling what you are right now. Ive been waiting to go through puberty for so long, but I've been living as a guy for so long. It's really hard.

[@Dibsfitness]

this video is soooooo important and relevant. I'm so excited to get my first shot but I know results take a while to kick in for some people. Thank you for talking about this! I also just watched a video of you yesterday / a couple months after this was posted and you look so different!

[@TeRi212]

This is EXACTLY how I felt and feel... I'm 9 months on T now and misgendered still 85% of the time and I barely have facial hair and just ugh.... its being such a slow process and in the beginning I was so excited and thought everyone would just know whats up. Reality is, transition is a really slow, lonely process... but it just shows how brave we are. Coming out at work? Dealing with all the crap we handle? We're really brave people.

[@spenceradams3510]

Phenomenal job, def a topic worth discussing. I still have no idea how to navigate life lol. Also, congrats on coming out at work

[@somekindofqueer9937]

Spencer Adams

[@AndroidInHumansClothing]

I feel you so much on the part that coming out is always hard. I've only outed myself to a few friends yet, but every time it scares me shitless and thinking about future outings does, too. it's just that it's not done with one conversation most of the time. you have to talk about certain trans things again and again and I dunno it just scared me, I guess it's something internalized about not wanting to talk about how "different" I am all the time. Okay so you also said that if we need advice on how to have "the trans-talk" with others, I would just like to take the oppotunity and ask if you have any advice on how to come out to a partner? I'm in a long term relationship and just started realizing that I'm trans this year. I haven't mentioned it to my partner yet because I'm really really really anxious about their reaction. I know I need to do it, because it's not fair on both of us, but it seems so hard :/ any advice would be welcome. thanks a lot, I hope you feel better soon about you middle space, or that you can move forward when you are longer on T (sorry if my english sucks, I'm not a native speaker, I hope you still understand what I was trying to say :

[@none4530]

I 100% feel you. I don't want to come out to my friends and talk about being trans all of the time, because once I came out to my mother things were different between us. She was totally accepting, it's just weird for me to look her in the eye sometimes or if something trans related comes up somehow. I haven't started identifying as my preferred gender yet, and I haven't come out to my father either. Idk what to do about everything.

[@AndroidInHumansClothing]

Alex Creed that's exactly how i feel. i'm relieved my rambling made sense to you. i get so paranoid that all conversations will be awkward from the moment i come out to ppl. and even if the people I tell I'm trans dont think about it all the time, I still do. And will be so different and complicated and ugh.

[@somekindofqueer9937]

+AndroidinsheepsClothing Understood perfectly! :) I feel you man, it is one of the hardest things to do because it feels like you have to choose between being with your partner or being your best and truest self and that is a really shitty feeling. The bottom line is if your partner wants to be with you and you want to be with your partner you two will make it work, regardless of gender, regardless of circumstance, regardless of anything! Coming out as trans is a specific kind of conversation but it's also a test of how your partner responds to difficult conversations or how your partner reacts to the difficult parts of being human, with another human. If they give you a hard time or are unsupportive, do you really want to be with that person anyway? I know how anxious you must be. Don't rush yourself or do anything you're not comfortable with just to get it over with. Prepare the conversation you want to have, how and where you want to have it, and that may ease some of your anxiety. For me, the accomplishment was just coming forward with with I had to say, and the person's reaction? Fuck it. It's not about them. This is about YOU and YOUR happiness and if they want to stand by you then that is beautiful, but if they don't, you're still gonna be okay because you're doing what you have to do and what you know is best for you. It has nothing to do with a single soul on this earth, and that is a really fucking badass empowering thing to do :D

[@noahmnm]

I'm almost 7 months on t and still get misgendered nearly everyday, I feel you bud.. That being said, thank you for acknowledging the awkward middle space that nobody ever addresses!!

[@somekindofqueer9937]

Noah Markis-Morrison Of course dude! It really is such a strange period and I think knowing we're not alone in it can alleviate some of the bad feels

[@JordanRubenstein]

Thanks for talking about this, Tamar. I'm 7 months on T, consistently misgendered, and feel lonely in the middle space. Good to hear I'm not alone, but sorry that you're going through this too.

[@KimbaLorber]

Thanks so much for this! I was worried I was the only one who was thinking this process is soooo slow. The constant misgendering after four month on T is killing me! But now I don't feel so isolated. Thanks for sharing, it helps a lot.

[@iLOVEpicklesBRO28]

I totally feel you on wishing you could be a hermit until you're passing (ugh word but like why). Literally I say this ALL the time. Also I've been slowly coming out to ppl in my store (small store) & im out to like 2/9. My boss seemed more sad that he wasnt first to find out than actually being transphobic. The amount of "oh!! My ________'s ___________ _________ is trans!!" Like lol ok

[@tylermccarroll3971]

I am MTF, but i still found this video to be VERY useful! Thank you :)

[@DesignGuy17]

It's true dude. They three aspects of transition kind of stop and start and their own paces? And sometimes one or two or all three elements run parallel and other times one element goes ahead at light speed. It's a struggle. I had surgery at 4 months which now seems so early! And I kept getting random misgenderings happen up to a year on T. Then I had the issue people thought I was 16 when I was 30 haha

[@somekindofqueer9937]

The Dom Haha yessss to all of this. Sometimes things happen faster than we anticipated and other times it feels like watching sand fall in an hourglass lol. I guess it's all part of the journey as cheesy as that sounds.

[@josephsdimension]

I'm living full time as male socially now, but all I want is T. I'm 15 and the social piece came first for me- I pass in society but all I really want is T. I wish I could have T but I can t. :/

[@iwillcry]

Is it okay if I feel like myself even tho I haven physically transitioned yet? I'm going to, but

[@NoLifeButMyOwn]

Sweet you're from Jersey? Mah brethren!

[@alnthevalley1]

This isn’t a process that is done overnight, as well as I think you should allow yourself the time, trans ppl should allow others to also adjust-

[@nicholasd1623]

Everyone's so different man :) I'm almost one year on t and I have like 12 mustache hairs. And my ex who's trans has like a beautiful majestic beard. If that makes you feel any better, I hope lol

[@alnthevalley1]

I haven’t had any issues emotionally, perhaps the docs need to check your levels

[@DesignGuy17]

Sorry for spam - it's funny you suggested locking yourself in your room - I had it in my head I was going to go live in a log cabin for the "middle period" haha

[@somekindofqueer9937]

+The Dom Ugh let me come live with you

[@damonwilliams9320]

I'm trying to hide myself until my name is legally changed.. idk it sucks like I really need to get a job but I can't fathom applying for jobs with my birth name and having to deal with misgendering and all. I'm pre t and I pass really well so I also get anxious about the thought of job interviews bc there's no way I could pass as a female for it. I don't like coming out at all. Last year was my senior year of high school and I literally came out to like two teachers and some friends and by the end of the year I answered to 3 different names: my birth name, my first preferred name that I kept for a few months, and the name I go by now which is Damon. idk if anyone has any advice about the job hunt pre-legal name change, please let me know bc I really do wanna work and my parents hound me for not working yet

[@Lau19K]

Oh my gosh don't take this the wrong way....but you look like a human anthropomorphised version of Franklin the turtle. also great video ur a cutie and im spreading the love

[@GrumpSupport]

I know what you mean about middle period. I HAVE to be misgendered. I have to pretend. Mentally, I'm pretty ready to get on T and such, but I can't because apparently, being 17 isn't old enough.