FEELING BETRAYED AND DECEIVED? TRUTH ABOUT DECEPTIVE & BETRAYAL TRAUMA

Feeling betrayed and repeatedly betrayed in one's family (or any other relationship) can lead to something known as betrayal trauma.
Betrayal trauma is experienced when you have felt betrayed and have been betrayed repeatedly over time.
You may develop symptoms and behaviors consistent with CPTSD or PTSD.
For those who have experienced betrayal at the hands of their family, it is easy to get so wrapped up in the slander, the back-talk, the lies about you, and the resentment that is developing, that you completely lose track of who you are and how to overcome this.
In this live chat, I discuss a phenomenon known as "deceptive affection" and givey ou tips on how to overcome family slander or betrayal syndrome.
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#trauma #BETRAYALTRAUMA
#tamarahilllpc
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
1:33 Deceptive Affection and why this topic is important
3:06 how deceptive affection tends to work in families
4:07 family slander is a process
9:30 DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND DECEPTIVE AFFECTION
-relationships may take a turn and you see the truth
13:14 it's hard to mend something that never was
-with multiple examples
16:12 sometimes there is strategic planning
17:15 deceptive affection can occur verbally and behaviorally
18:49 example of deceptive affection/gaslighting
30:00 FAMILY SLANDER
-enmeshment
-"in-group vs out-group" mentalilty
-traumatic bonding
53:47 HOW TO WORK AROUND THIS KIND OF DECEPTION
***Live Q&A in-between the discussion!
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Mentioned In The Video:
1. Understanding the Routine Expression of Deceptive Affection in Romantic Relationships.
scholar.google.com/scholar_ur...
2. How Family Alliances Affect Your Daughter
www.familyeducation.com/famil...
3. The Family Alliance Model: A Way to Study and Characterize Early Family Interactions
4. Deceptive Affection is Strategically Expressed Under Relational Threat-But Not Towards Partners with Low Mate Value
journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/...
5. Deceptive Affection Across Relational Contexts: A Group Comparison of Romantic Relationships, Cross-Sex Friendships, and Friends With Benefits Relationships
www.researchgate.net/publicat...
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Music:
🎵 Track Info:
Creator Mix
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at [e-mail]. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
Mail me stuff!
PO BOX 15747
Robinson Township, PA 15244
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Website - www.anchoredinknowledge.com
Instagram: thilltherap...
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Permission must be given before videos are used.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

To learn more about family bullies, family mobbing, and family alliances, click here to see my video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5etYWlrjNuqf7c

[@illuminationgoddess3]

I forgot about the time difference and missed the live. Thank you for addressing this issue.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Yes! This is my sick, dysfunctional, narcissistic family “to a T.” I’ve had to distance myself after they ostracized me for more than a decade and cut me out of a family business when I stood up to the Queen Bee matriarch, my dad’s wife. My dad & his wife both abused me growing up and continued to attempt to control me in adulthood. The whole sick family went along. How dare I stand up for myself & set boundaries!!! I have no rights according to the family cult. I’m their whooping girl, the family scapegoat. They came back (after ostracizing me for about 12 years) when I was diagnosed with late stage cancer wanting all up in my business! They had even contacted the family attorney to find out what their rights are to my assets at the time of my death.

[@iamliyao7430]

It must hurt, So sorry , big hugs

[@Megan6772]

I'm so sorry 💔

[@mikesmith6594]

My father feels like a stranger to me 😢. He does nothing but gaslight in the relationship ! I have trouble trusting or connecting with people because of him .

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry😔 I see this all the time and it's damaging. But you can regain your strength and continue moving forward. This might be something you can work on with a trusted person, therapist, etc.

[@nancyP7448]

I understand the trust issue. I feel like I just can't.

[@jasonwimberly5636]

It’s totally understandable. The world is full of cluster B personalities. If one’s parent is untrustworthy, IT WILL BE difficult to trust others. But just like in any other scenario, trust has levels to it and it should always be earned! People who could trust their parents it’s because those parents earned it by being good people first.

[@JKDVIPER]

Just try to remember that the bad tapes from him don’t mean others will be that way. Now thats easy to say. But try applying it. Not easy. Comes with a lot of rolaids and calming programs to stomach it. 🤢🚫I just mean, I hear you, I feel you on that. The remedy or prescribed answer is to try to change the way we think. As if our minds we made them up to be were based off the old system. The same one that they judge us with, we judge ourselves by. That’s the kicker. 💯👈🏻😉💡so we can feel better once we realize we’re judging ourselves in every way. You’re probably such a nice person, I’m sure of it. But inside somewhere, I can relate, to an internal critic, constantly keeping us lit up with shame, embarrassment, guilt. Why though? ❤because you judge yourself right here for having trouble with trust. When the answer might be, exactly, don’t have any. You deserve to feel angry. It’s right. You deserve to be suspect of people. Look at what you’ve been through? Who could judge? We do. That’s who. Us. It’s so difficult. 😂❤Na mean. Because it’s almost like it’s us that punish us the most because someone else is confused or unhappy about something. For sure, if the person who formed your bias was toxic, not much empathy, you’ll definitely look for comfort going forward. I know I did. ❤

[@justice8563]

They make it look like ❤ but in reality it’s a 🗡️in the back over and over again. The whole relationship is based on their needs and getting what they want and if not they will smear, torment, become vindictive and lash out physically and sinisterly. I have no doubt that my 4 siblings run from being a toxic enabler, a covert narcissist’s, a sociopath and even a psychopath. It’s totally gutted me to the point where I trust no one and have even lost the will to pretend it’s going to get better, or that I can even “heal” from it. There’s just to much to work through and to little time to do it.

[@chilloften]

Deceptive affection, I’ve experienced this my whole life and am grateful now to have the language for it. What a great listen this night. Happy weekend Tamara, enjoy.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you and I'm very glad this was helpful! Have a wonderful weekend too.

[@memedicine1]

It's insane that your channel popped up on my FEED! the algorithm is listening to my thoughts...they had my little brothers graduation/21st birthday party on Saturday night...my older brother called me MID PARTY will everyone was having fun and they had the NERVE to ask me if I wanted to come as if all the invitations didn't go out months ago...my mom is the ring leader and she has successfully iced me out the family...I also don't feel safe going around them alone because I don't want to end up like Shanquilla Robinson

[@nancyP7448]

My brother loved me, then one day, he didn't. I felt so manipulated. I thought it was a "smear" champagne. It made me question myself and how didn't I see this. He has changed our relationship forever. How could I trust him. I couldn't.

[@iconicintuitive]

Conspired closeness is exactly what this is! I'm so beyond shocked at this betrayal and fraudulent lies... you're not even allowed to make peace and move on. It's crazy

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Thank you for providing a name for this phenomenon. Thinking about children who experience deceptive affection from parents who cannot love -- it is so sad. Itbis no wonder that children of narcissists and psychopaths may develop such a denial of reality, and why it is hard to release it even as adults. It makes sense.

[@ElizzzaB]

Thank you Tamara good information. Wow deceptive affection didn't know it had a name.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad it was helpful! You're welcome!!

[@tradslnd9872]

Such a queen for this video. You literally broke my trauma bond with this information and cleared so much confusion 🙏 Key note: if it doesn’t feel like love it isn’t.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!! And I'm very glad this was helpful to you.

[@memedicine1]

Thanks for all the free therapy...you're blessing people who can't afford it

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!! And thank you so much! That's an answered prayer of mine to put forth truth and real help.

[@memedicine1]

@@TherapistTamaraHill You are! ! ! You're literally doing God's work LOL...breaking generational patterns and you're BRILLIANT!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗💖thank you

[@ericagardens1234]

yes, this makes me think of kill you with kindness. i had a family friend since i was little, and it always felt as though she diidnt like me. finally in my late 30s i said why are we even friends? it got to the point where i didnt have peace in my life. she showed up when she needed a friend and i dropped everything to be there. but the whole time knowing she doesnt have basic respect for me, others and probably herself. its unfortunate. i said i cannot be her friend, at this time.

[@lisafowler7563]

It's really sad when your behaviors can be pin pointed and revealed on Social media for That person to be Educated about YOUR toxic Self

[@nancyP7448]

My father had a daughter with another woman. He made us call her "princess" and our children "aunt princess", while he beat me with belts and wire hangers. Thanks for this conversation.

[@effie3798]

I feel like my mother doesn’t fall into the exact narc box, and even believed she did love me at times, but she is able to turn it off too easily too. I feel like she tried to love me, she just didn’t.

[@jennyspen4]

Your channel has helped me so much to understand why my relationship with my mother has always been so strained, hurtful and difficult. Through your explanations, I have finally gained the knowledge I need to move on for good.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so glad this was helpful including the other chats/videos! That's an answered prayer! Thank you! Sometimes all healing takes is understanding and having the access to resources that can enlighten you.

[@bencollins6222]

I really enjoyed the portion of this video that I saw live...I am a victim of gang stalking so I like your info.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you. That's great! I'm glad you could join us live.

[@thereugo8900]

This completely resonates with my husband big time. Tamara, I worry about you giving so much of yourself to us all. I had a medical procedure on Friday and missed your live. Please take care of yourself.... you are such a blessing!!! I'm also a Libra like your mom... guess I'm mothering you.😂 ❤❤❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

lol. Awwww. Thank you! ❤🙏That's so kind and I know you are right. My mom has been telling me to be wise with myself. So I appreciate you! And I hope you are doing okay too. It's a hard road when health issues stir up. It's truly something we have to pray for.

[@thereugo8900]

@@TherapistTamaraHill I just want to hug 🫂 you right now. Hope that's okay with you ☺️. I'm deeply touched by your words of comfort, understanding and truth. You are one in a million!!! I mean that sincerely. My husband also adores you as well....in a fatherly way.☺️😁💕

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

❤🤗😀😂Love that! Thank you!

[@JKDVIPER]

I have a relative through marriage, who acts like she’s down to clown, she’s hip, on the level, honest, cares. But then in every case fails to show you respect, bad mouths you in front of others to seem smart or more knowledgeable. Refuses to even see that you have a side, a story, count. So... I’m like, Ya.... right. 😂❤see... when you or somebody you love is being treated unfairly, talked bad about, emotions are created OUT OF THIN AIR. Putting on airs. Entitlement, grandiose self opinions. These are intelligent people in some cases, manipulative behavior always has intentions behind it. A deal. That’s the sick twist we didn’t see coming. So what that means is, in short words. You’ll find yourself having to defend even though you know differently. Guilt. Shame. Based on false beliefs created in the minds of people not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt in any case. But why? Because you’re being judged. That’s why. By someone with an agenda. 💡😛💯👈🏻

[@Catalina812]

Thank you! I just found your channel. It's already helped me so much!❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!! And You're welcome! Welcome to the channel. Glad to have you.

[@oliveministriesnetwork]

This was incredibly insightful. Thank you so much for your service.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad it was helpful to you! And you're welcome. Thank you for watching!!

[@NezterBedford]

Finally have leisure time to watch this particular video. So far, I've heard discussion about unjust slander through gossip. Let me fasten my seatbelt for this. Thank you in advance Tamara! Also, Hoping you all the very blessed and good wishes in your health journey. Stay well in everything.

[@livinggood6876]

This is such a helpful video. Thank you so much!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome. Glad this was helpful to you! And thank you.

[@QUINCY_XXII]

Gonna go ahead and give this a thumbs for the algorithm!

[@marieestelle709]

Thanks ❤🎉😊

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome 😊

[@golu48000]

No, they can't start caring because they are pretending to love you so much!! Whateve the research says lol....!!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Right! I agree. Some of our research is unbelievable.

[@agehachou1121]

Ain't that the TRUTH! 😂

[@happydays199]

I experienced this with my aunt and her two kids. Somehow my aunt has convinced them of them to were they dont bother to talk to me and have wanted to use me. Also, my aunt took my mom out of a group home around 2008 when I moved back to Memphis and sense then tried to make it seem like I am supposed to have the responsibility of my mom. My mom was never there for me and I was not in contact with her from 14 to 18. I lived with my dad during that time. I had poor judgement to trust my aunt. When I moved back I had 3 year old twins and I came back because it was cheaper to live there. My aunt told me when I was there that no one has to help you, but at times when it came to using me financially her and her kids were doing that. Also, she has tried to force me to take care of my mom and has made her kids feel that I should. Yet they havent comprehended not having a mother your whole life and you were abused your entire life and had to figure things out on your own.

[@rootsiebee]

I believe there are actual kind people.The ‘niceness’ I think you are speaking of isn’t the same as being kind. A kind person imo becomes a target or scapegoat, because being kind is also being a truth teller….oooops?😊

[@rootsiebee]

The toxic positivity is the way of deception. A genuine person keeps it realistic.