POST BETRAYAL SYNDROME & BAD PARENTS: WHY YOUR PARENT MAY LEAVE | Live Chat

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

The live chat box will be available within 12 hours of this live chat!

[@xyz-mc5of]

Usually those narcissistic/psychop. parents won’t admit to it during therapy session. That must have been rare occasions

[@janethomas78]

The worst Emotional abuse if from the covert emotional abuser.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Very much agree. Yes.

[@smeag9280]

Amen!

[@ladyjpolite]

I literally just broke up with one yesterday. I'm proud of myself, though. I made it out in under two years this time, lol.

[@alisiciacurrymayoclark9119]

I have dysfunctional parents, mom is a narcissist and Father was consistently absent during the duration of my existence. On the contrary, I have God, so I'm covered under the authority and blood of Jesus Christ. It's their lost because I'm a exceptionally blessed!!!!

[@TadalaBenard]

I needed a comment like this am in the same situation, we have big God

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

What I find so weird about these family members is they act like they can’t talk to you directly. And they lie that they don’t know each other it’s so insane

[@purposedrivenwoman]

Parents...let adult children be adults...focus on yourself and live life like it's golden...God will raise up someone who will take care of you...LET THEM GO!!

[@megandickerson886]

My father is an emotionally immature narcissist…I’ve been in therapy for complex PTSD for most of my life. I’ve had to do a lot of reparenting of myself. Now at 47 I have to be his caregiver and I understand all his behaviors…the gangstalking, tantrums, stark believe in gender roles (i.e. men do this/women do this), manipulation, disequilibrium, high expressed emotional environment😩

[@jamesMcdonald-m7z]

I resonated with most of your points Tamara regarding my mother, the passive aggressive behaviours, the seething hostility and spitefulness that was there in her body language and tone of voice and constant criticism when i used to visit her even when i was trying to help her out by getting her shopping and cleaning her flat, etc(Nothing ever was good enough for her) no matter how kind i was to her..in the end i had no-other choice but to walk away from this abuse for the sake of my own sanity!!!

[@CarolMcCooke]

So relate to this. If only they would look in a mirror they would not believe that it’s them behaving so disgusting.. keep sharing you are not alone Carol

[@Andronicus2007]

I definately think parents can be both permissive and authoritarian at the same time. I've read other comments on here, this would also describe my parents. I'm not sure if this was done on purpose to keep us always guessing, to keep us off balance but it had that effect.

[@Simon-xg2dk]

Thankyou Tamara, from Sydney. Both my parents were dysfunctional as parents. My own mental health has been much better since dads death. Thankyou

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! And welcome from Sydney. I would LOVE to visit there at some point in my life. :) And I'm sorry you have experienced anything related to this topic.

[@Simon-xg2dk]

It's an amazing place!!

[@susanfronk6632]

Tamara - I love what an authentic, real, and compassionate woman you are! ❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much 🤗

[@debbiekillewald8384]

You're describing so much of everything I went through. Thank you.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome. It's bitter sweet I'm sure like many of my clients. Validation and then pain or hurt.

[@debbiekillewald8384]

@@TherapistTamaraHill oh yeah. My personality disordered father and I'm putting that nicely just passed away too so alot of craziness and painful things are undescribable to tell most people so you just can't.

[@chilloften]

And these behaviors carry on into the nursing home years.

[@ESCAPEDscapegoat4life]

56:48 S. S. ​Mental illness is not a separate issue from childhood trauma/abuse/neglect. It’s all the same. SOOO TRUE! TY TAMARA FOR UPLOADING THIS TOPIC (REPLAY CREW)

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Dr. Támara, you are authentic, and you are a delight. You must be protected at all costs, so keep taking good care of you please. 😍🤗❤️☮️

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much!🤗❤ I appreciate you.

[@sm8155]

Please more coalition content! Thank you! I really appreciate the way you recognize everyone and create an interactive space for people to be seen and heard

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Absolutely! on the way. And thank you. Appreciate that. I truly believe that can bring a certain level of healing in and of itself.

[@sm8155]

@@TherapistTamaraHill I think I read somewhere that they talk about family mobbing more in Europe than over here, probably in the context of scapegoating. Maybe Rebecca Mandeville's website. Anyway, is that similar to coalitions you referred to?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes, I thought I once heard of something like this too. And yes, it is similar. I will write this topic down to brush up on some research and eventually bring it to the channel.

[@sm8155]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you!

[@MemeJustme-t8y]

Add me to your list. Passwords changed daily. Notifications from another state. While I have an active restraining order. It never stops. Now he uses court system. To control my location. Fortunately now someone has been assigned to my protect my son. I’m hoping this person ends up being an angel.

[@SusanLund-xg1fg]

I have now walked away after ostracizing me from a wedding and a visit from an abusive youngest son.

[@imalwaysme4332]

My mother never wanted to parent and never did.... when i had my son, she never interacted with him either.... she now, out of desperation interacts with my brothers daugher and her child.

[@AdamantlyAdams]

After watching your videos, with my childhood memories, it's the perfect time to start Journaling for me. My brain cells begin to fire off and I'm at my best. It's crazy how this behavior is a daily activity around children. 😢 I grew up in an highly toxic environment but because I couldn't talk about it, everything about my mother looks good on paper. With confidence, I don't worry about that. I looked into the mirror and I smiled.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Luvleday1 would you post this comment to the other video here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rHuydJKQhM16es0 I will answer it there! This video was the wrong one to go live. Thank you! I'll answer it there.

[@debbiekillewald8384]

My dad switched back and forth from permissive to authoritarian. It was so confusing.

[@Andronicus2007]

My Dad did that too. I think its designed to confuse, kinda like the idea of "moving the goalposts" so to speak.

[@debbiekillewald8384]

@@Andronicus2007 yes that is it exactly. It keeps you hoping and guessing.

[@purposedrivenwoman]

Parents are often physically, verbally and financially abused devalued and derespected by adult children..Parents should walk away from situations with adult children, family and friends that don't value or respect them.Children can be narcissistic as well.I see more adult children labeling Parents as narcissistic..what about these adult children that are narcissistic/ entitled. Parents use your energy, time and resources on people that don't value or respect you.practice self care ..self love focus on you!! It doesn't always have to be blòod relatives including your children..don't let children, grandchildren not anybody hold you in bondage. Set yourself free!!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

While I do agree, we have to be careful making absolute statements such as "parents are often..." We don't know the research on this, nor do we have data to say "often." But...what I can say is that I see a number of families in my practice, and some of our research has shown, that adult children do abuse their parents and that it is a reality. The numbers may not be "often" or very high, but it does happen. When adult children are harmful to the physical, emotional, and psychological stability and safety of the parent, the parent should take steps (as you have stated as well) to separate or let them go. Now, I'm of the firm belief that parents should always strive to forgive their children (even if they aren't in contact with them). It may be healthier to live separate lives but the animosity should "die down" over time.

[@purposedrivenwoman]

Forgivrs is the beginning of seld love self cate ..I dont give up on people I give them and myself over to Jesus Everybody is a job for Jesus...no one has the power to fix themselves

[@marie22213]

You have some of the BEST videos. Your halping so many with these videos. I follow afew psychs but your definitely a top favorite!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's so kind. An honor. Thank you!😊 I am glad to hear this channel is helpful to you.

[@MainHouse-kf3tb]

Eye opening 😮

[@hadiza1]

Can't wait to watch! Bad parents sounds terrifying... 😭💕🩸

[@tina8796]

The 64k burning question: Why in the world do some people have children. They can't afford them. Most are not equipped mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially. So, does anybody have any theories. They don't want to be bothered with a child (ren) but they have them anyway. I never wanted any so I didn't have any. Duh !

[@coldcloakmusic6630]

Tax benefits? Loneliness? 😅

[@LoonaMoonlight-bv2ri]

Breezy BeEazy The Wise Warrior 💯 stopped by 💯💜💯💯

[@MemeJustme-t8y]

Is it better to not have that parent if one parent is a safe parent? I would love this topic.

[@Seatonni]

This helps so much thank you 🌻

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're so welcome!🤗

[@dyfrigshandy]

I mean it's good if they leave, but they actually want to keep taking advantage, so yeah

[@citizenjournalist2401]

'it all went downhill" 😂I'm sure your singing voice didn't sound that bad. You have such a sweet speaking voice.💕🥰

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

😊 thank you

[@thebookishkhmerican4303]

Is there a combination of permissive and authoritarian parenting where both can happen at same time?

[@jodisherland5335]

There is no way I would even get a loan period. No body was interested in my life period. Trying to learn to be interested in myself is HARD

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I completely understand that. That's when you know you have to "make it" in life for yourself.

[@imalwaysme4332]

My mother would never directly say she was going to do something physically. She would go home and plot or kill an animal. I am responding as i listen. So excuse my many responses.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

No problem! I'm glad to hear your story.

[@wealthyasamindframe1946]

Hello, I was just able to catch your chat. How would you handle a covert narcissist sibling who resorts to gang stalking. I apologize if you answered the question already. I'm on Pacific standard time

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's difficult for me to assess. I would certainly need more details. And I would need to know what kind of "gangstalking" he's engaging in. I would say, in a general sense, it's best to keep your distance and be protective over everything such as your dwelling place, your accounts, your social media, etc. so as to never be vulnerable to being taken advantage of in these ways. Otherwise, it's hard to assess with this short of a description.

[@agoodreadsgirl]

Had no idea there was a name for what I’m experiencing…😢

[@imalwaysme4332]

My brother has hooked up with my mother (after years of them not speaking) and going against everyone one else. Specifically ME.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's really hard to accept. I'm sorry. They may actually be similar in some ways. Or one could have a lot of control over the other. These are two kinds of dynamics that can happen in these cases.

[@danitajminer3279]

28:12 I'm blanking on the word also, but i think it starts with an 'a' like an 'alignment'.

[@bookbeing]

My god! You've had some scary clients!!!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Very true. One of the reasons why I'm so grateful to have the ones I have now. They're loving, healthy, and people I would like to keep for a long time.

[@darianclery4455]

Thank you so much

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're most welcome

[@LaureneSmith-s4c]

Ended up in relationships with two narcs and functioning addicts because it was familiar to me. My sister said why didn't I do that? Well actually she did married man 15 years tried to commit suicide 3 times and is with a narc now

[@CherrysJubileeJoyfully]

Noooooo🤦‍♀️

[@LaureneSmith-s4c]

Both alcoholics dad with ptsd from war domestic violence beat my mom constantly nightmare

[@kelvinjames6344]

Watching from Australia How many were raised by narcist

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Welcome!!

[@imalwaysme4332]

Too many! 😢

[@LaureneSmith-s4c]

I need a trauma therapist that takes insurance because I couldn't keep paying the ecorbitant amounts. Do you have openings?

[@_YohAsakura_]

That ain’t my parent, he’s a random dude posing as my dad lol. I disowned him for numerous reasons.

[@LaureneSmith-s4c]

My mom was vain. As a child, she said, "Don't worry, the ugly ones turn out to be pretty. To all of us..your fat, it's disgusting so my sis got a eating disorder. I stood up to her. My dad..your ankles are to large I could wrap my.hand around your mother's anklesand my fingers would touch... fyi my ankles are fine. Your butt is too wide...I have wide hips dad it's my bones...I just want you to be the best you can be ugh

[@LaureneSmith-s4c]

My son has Aspergers he is brilliant. Has had friends and gfs. I have cptsd diagnosed. He graduated college in May. Well we were out at the dentist there was a issue with the bill I called the insurance company and the bill was fixed..that embarrassed her. She said guys wait outside for me I will be right out. My gut was telling me something so we went down the ramp and we did not go.outsude we waited at the door. She said Sorry about my sister shes a little nuts and my neohew has Aspergers. I was livid. She comes down the ramp all fake nice ok guys lets go get something to eat. I said why did you say that, why would you do that. We have to come back here. In a instant she starys crying saying IDK why i did it. Furious she disclosed that about my.son that easy..say what you want about me but my kid...nope. especially because nobody would know unless you twll them and thats a violation of HIPPA she apologized to.my son but not to.me. i said to him you shoukd of made it clear to.her that your personal business is not fir her to tell anyone. He said mom shes old..i said that doesn’t matter. I said if she said that that easy expect everyone knows

[@_YohAsakura_]

Wanna know why he don’t care, cause I’m not related.

[@voteehart4701]

My mother is disfunctional n a narcissist

[@wendiosullivan3525]

Both of my parents have told me that I should have been aborted.