11 WAYS SILENT TREATMENT AND EXCLUSION DAMAGES YOUR MIND & WILLPOWER

I'm sure you have experienced (and maybe even used) the silent treatment at some point in your life.
People may use the silent treatment to control situations that feel uncontrollable, to end a conversation that is angering, or to prevent further communication on a matter that isn't going anywhere.
The silent treatment is a very toxic and unhealthy behavior in dysfunctional families where poor or abusive communication may exist.
Sadly, the silent treatment is only the tip of the iceberg.
In this live chat, I discuss the psychology of the silent treatment.
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#trauma #tamarahilllpc #silenttreatment
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DISCUSSED IN THIS CHAT:
0:00 intro
2:57 WHAT THE SILENT TREATMENT TRULY IS
WHAT THE BRAIN 🧠 DOES WITH ISOLATION & SILENCE
4:48 The psychology of social isolation
7:00 group of people who uses the silent treatment
13:45 FMRI machines and activation of brain
15:00 Social ostracism
21:43 Family disownment
24:05 Family alliance/clique
25:14 Family estrangement
26:04 MASLOW HIERARCHY OF NEEDS
39:48 WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU WHEN THE SILENT TREATMENT IS USED ON YOU
54:00 WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU cont
*Q&A between the discussion
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Mentioned in this video:
1. What You’re Saying When You Give Someone the Silent Treatment
www.theatlantic.com/family/ar...
2. Toward a Neurology of Loneliness
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
3. The Surprising Truth About The Silent Treatment
www.heysigmund.com/the-silent...
4. Excluded from humanity: The dehumanizing effects of social ostracism
www.sciencedirect.com/science...
5. What Is Ego Depletion?
www.verywellmind.com/ego-depl...
6. Hierarchy of needs www.wichita.edu/services/mrc/....
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Music:
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🎵 Track Info:
Epidemic Sound
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at [e-mail]. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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Website - www.anchoredinknowledge.com
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[@TherapistTamaraHill]

KZbin will make the VERY lively chatbox available to you within 12hrs of this live chat ending. ALWAYS the best part. 😊

[@CreativeTigresa7]

I was late to the chat however the silent treatment in my home began around age 11-13 years old as I was trying to lose weight for a surgery for my disability (I’m bow-legged). My mom began arguing with my uncle & told him that I’d be promiscuous after the leg surgery and weight loss. He tried to reason with her but then got mad and told her to help me lose weight and basically abandoned me and stopped helping me especially after another argument that broke out shortly after. My mom isolated me from him for what felt like years. Then I couldn’t handle it and tried reaching out to him by showing my aunt my journal and she gave it to my uncle and that broke the silent treatment between me and him but my mom still fought for control over who I was allowed to speak to. I grew up with an absent dad so he wasn’t around at all for anything I went through. I feel I’m also being given the silent treatment now with my grandparents from my dad’s side. I tried asking to speak to my dad but my grandma said it wasn’t a good idea and stopped answering my calls even though I’m trying to get to know at least my grandparents but I feel so hated. I don’t know what I did wrong. I was just a kid and I had a physical disability and I feel abandoned completely. My mom’s side is toxic and my dads side feels so shut off and distant. I find it hard to care for my own life due to depression and passive suicidal ideation. I definitely going to try telling my therapist about it this coming week but I feel so alone.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Yes, I was “disowned” for many many years when I stood up to my family abusers. (How dare I!!!!) Only my narcissistic dad called me once in a while. Every few months. A half sister popped her head in once to try and abuse me some more but I shut her down. No extended family contacted me even once during all those sad lonely years for more than a decade. They were told to have no contact with me. (The family bullies were going to teach me a lesson.) During that time my health broke down and I got metastatic cancer. My family LOVES the silent treatment. The last time they pulled this evil stunt I just didn’t respond. At all. Within a few months the abuser contacted me and seemed to know I had called their bluff. I’ve had it with these people. I’ve had a lot of therapy, watched a lot of your videos and have educated myself. Their games no longer work.

[@peacedivineasmr9121]

I ghosted all my friends since I've been in solitude due to realization that we were not aligned anymore and how they treated me as a people pleaser. I wasn't always the best friend I could be and it took a lot to just stop talking to them, but my intuition was ringing to let them go i felt. I'm currently going through silent treatment living with my covert mom, I should've moved out a long time ago and even mentioned it on here but I'm manifesting for the best life and staying as mentally and emotionally healthy as possible in this environment.

[@phoenixhoneybee]

Grew up in an incredibly neglectful and emotionally cruel family. I found comfort in neglectful, emotionally cruel “friends”, who’d gossip and put me down. I started cutting any abusers off and am now left with maybe two or three friends. Just recently a “friend” I’d known for fifteen plus years who’s birthday has always been three days after mine had the nerve to ask me what day my birthday was while I was buying her her birthday dinner. Distanced myself because the lack of care and concern for me but eagerly celebrating her own birthday as if she only valued herself. I had to cut someone else off after she mocked me when I shared that I’d been assaulted and then more recently apparently my abusive sister just suddenly stopped calling me no explanation whatsoever-she didn’t even wish me a happy birthday last month. It’s lonely.

[@KS-dx5ln]

Every time I have ever brought to my mother's attention the crap she inserts herself into, causing drama, speaking over me, cutting me off mid sentence when I'm mid sentence answering someone (not her), answering questions others aske me (not the attention she likes being called out), I have always been shut down, dismissed, hung up on and/or ignored. She refuses to accept and refuses to own and be accountable for her wrongs. It's really strange. It's like she is jealous and doesn't want me to speak or answer others because she's not the one being addressed. It's almost like she wants to be me. I'm not one who plays into her flying monkey, triangulation and blame shifting games. She plays that with other family members who haven't caught on to her game playing. Haven't spoke to her in over a year. It's so nice and relaxing not being around the constant chaos and drama she thrives on.

[@KS-dx5ln]

Not to mention that she is two-faced. She has talked crap about me behind my back several times. Just like she does to everyone else. She always inserts herself into other people's business telling them what they should do and how they should do it, yet when she has issues with others when it's between them and her, she will not say anything one on one with the person she is accusing of using her and so on. It's like wait a minute, you can't be an adult and handle your own personal problems with others one on one, but you sure insert yourself into others issues (issues that have nothing to do with her). She lives to bully people behind their back. Sad😢

[@KS-dx5ln]

She uses my 20yr. old son as a pawn. He's still very impressionable and is not aware of the mental games that are being played.. Oh, the games are just so sickening. I do not speak bad about my mother in front of my grown sons. Nor do they know the mind games and drama she thrives off of. Not my place to follow the toxic family examples and abuse that has been put upon me. I put my 🦶 and went no contact with her. Enough is enough.

[@KS-dx5ln]

One of her favorite things to do if I didn't accept her opinion (like suggesting I put another shelf in my garage), I responded, no, I don't want or need another shelf in my garage. She got offended, clicked her tongue, rolled her eyes at me and nastily said "GOD"! I responded what is wrong with you. All I said is no, I don't want or need another shelf in my garage. It's like, I'm a 50 some yr old adult. I told her, not everyone wants what you would want. I'm an individual and this world would be a boring place if people aren't allowed to have their own opinions, wants and needs.

[@KS-dx5ln]

She wants to control others but can't control her own one on one issues she has personally with them. All she will do is bitch, complain, shame and blame and talk shit about everyone behind their back. She can't have an adult conversation about her own one on one issues she has with anyone. When I have issues one on one with others, I have conversations with them and have no problem addressing issues with them.

[@mairinh84]

Wow for years I went through my family always teaming up on me and giving me the silent treatment. I never realized how much it effected me till I watching this. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD. For years I abused alcohol to forget everything and now with therapy I’m realizing I really haven’t had it easy in childhood.

[@bluecube7247]

Punishment from silent treatment to long-term isolation is cruel and unusual mistreatment when it is done by the personality disordered person to the healthy individual... especially if it eventually expands to everyone you know and you end up alone.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I distanced myself from family and lifelong "friends" at the same time as I was being exiled. Prior to this I had changed by developing boundaries, and expressing this was perceived by them, apparently, as too threatening.

[@user-jr7fc7lv6b]

Thank you Tamara, i happened upon this today and I really needed some explanation. I get the silent treatment from my sister, I don't like it but I also know she has always had the tendicies to give me the silent treatment as far back as our childhood, like not talking to me for a week at a time. I get drawn back into thinking she has changed and I want to be close to my sister but this time I need to just stay away for my sanity. Thank you so much

[@MotorcyclePhaedrus]

This is very relevant for me personally, and i suspect for more of us than one would commonly imagine ❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Absolutely. That's the sad part.

[@steevo8754]

Cliques in churches neighborhoods, friend groups and families are incredibly destructive. Being excluded from these groups are soooo isolating. Many times people involved in these groups know what they are doing. Church cliques are the worst

[@Mz-ci8wg]

Having been neglected/abandoned by both parents at birth, then ostracized by one side and scapegoated by the other, from age 9, this ressonates. I can see now how this broke me as a child. Sad part is, I now see they did the same to others the previous generation. It's easy to see why they're stuck on a perpetual free fall, diving for a bottom that seems to not be there. To hell with all of them.

[@mollyt6835]

This is so relatable for me. My sister that I’m now estranged from used the silent treatment and ghosted friends for no good reason. This is different than a freeze response. It’s so hurtful to have a friend that just will not respond, and doesn’t care about your feelings. I so appreciate the work that your doing. Not many professionals specialize in these topics, and these subject matters on your channel are so validating ❤.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much! I'm glad this was helpful. That's the goal every single live chat and video.🙂 And this certainly is different than a freeze response. It's unstable behavior that only further deteriorates an already deteriorating situation. I'm sorry you have had to deal with this.

[@sylvanascott1166]

I love your channel. You make things very easy to understand also being part of the group chat you realize that you are not alone.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much 😊 Glad this is helpful. And I agree. The chatbox alone can be therapeutic.

[@truth4utoda]

This was soooooooooooo good Tam. Thank you. 🎉🎉🎉

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome! And thank you!

[@fifilafleur5555]

My family has done this to me. My dad did it for 4 months after I had metastatic cancer. All because I set a boundary to protect myself and my health from family abusers.

[@silentwalk1768]

Thanks Tamara big question is when your family gives you the silent treatment just because they are working as a group that's for the issue is when you really don't know where it's coming from you've put your heart and soul into these people and they crap on you

[@honeybutterscotch3394]

Brilliant breakdown Ms Tamara, and brilliant audience with great commentary!🙏🏽🩵💪🏽

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you kindly! 🤗

[@Iamchristaelaine]

I experienced this for 2/3 weeks in January and it was so hard for me. I decided to ultimately leave my ex partner.

[@raziel6219]

Its Very painful.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes indeed. Not easy to endure sometimes too

[@rubberbiscuit99]

It is indeed.

[@lsisak7651]

I appreciate what you mentioned about church Tamara. I enjoy going as long as I am not involved because there always seems to be too much drama. So, I attend on Sundays to praise and hear the sermon, but I do not get involved with the groups and the gossip. I am blessed to not get sucked in. I can come and go as I please because no family or friends go to the church.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes, absolutely! We, as the human race, need a more accurate picture of church. While not all bad, there are so many negative views that push people away. And good for you that you don't get involved. That is a blessing indeed! That's my strategy! I go for God, wisdom, or spirituality as needed and make reading of my bible priority. I avoid anything outside of these parameters!

[@TheRetroWoman80]

Tamara, I just hate when I miss your live chats but...life, you know? Thank you for this video. You made see just how far I've come in managing the "inner little girl" in me. I used to shutdown/use the silent treatment/avoid people without first properly expressing any hurt or violation I felt. As you stated in the video, it was something I was used to doing, a defense mechanism. I now know I was doing it because my very sensitivite nature was invalidated repeatedly as a kid. Thus, I reasoned nobody cared how I felt anyway so why not just internalize it and brood, right? So unhealthy was that idea😖 I'm glad to say my fiance of 6 years has helped to change my life in this area. Our very healthy open communication has matured me immensely.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Awww. Thank you!! And you're welcome. I'm so glad you benefited from this and benefit from the channel. I think your way of self-preservation was survival and nothing melicious. And that's all you knew at the time. It's a natural reaction to hurt and pain. It's great to hear you have a healthier environment and group of people. That's a blessing indeed! Plus, I owe you a reply to the EFT/Matrix Imprinting question you asked when James was on with me!! I'm doing my research! lol

[@TheRetroWoman80]

@@TherapistTamaraHill 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Understood, no worries.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🙊

[@user-fl3rc6nv4x]

Going through this at the moment. Live in a cul-de-sac and been bereaved one year a go. Since bought a car jealousy comes to mind Carol

[@LetLifeLuvU]

Thank you Tamara!! You’re a beautiful soul🫶🏽🙏🏽

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! Thanks so much for that 🤗I can tell you are too!

[@silentwalk1768]

Much love Tamara I really appreciate your work you've helped so much very crucial information❤❤❤😂

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad it was helpful! 🤗 You're welcome and thank you!

[@user-nt6ow2wj2u]

My sister would start a fight with me turn on me 4 no reason then ghost for year than call me outta blue I told her I am not into this disrespect do not contact me she is toxic in many ways towards me I am happier not hearing from her

[@pennyponiatowski5676]

Have 2 brothers that always pushed me away since I have been a young girl .. they both always pushed me away and always told all the kids how stupid I was.. I have heard this all my life .. now that they are dying, they want their relationship the way they want .. so now I know it's estrangement.. there's so many year I have reach out and gave up as I get stonewalling or disregardment.. so I haven't heard from them for 25 years etc .. I don't know what to say to them for me to reconnect..

[@justice8563]

So when a person refuses to speak to the people who have been abusive in every imaginable way, and you’re forced to stop speaking to them or acknowledging them, is not a bad thing, it’s healthy? So to use the word passive aggressiveness for what we are forced to do is the wrong word to use, because’s it’s really called family estrangement. I mistook being passive aggressive as a way to protect oneself when it’s a different term that Ive never heard before. My family decided that I don’t exist and have done the silent treatment for 20 years, so I felt forced to do the same to move forward even though I’m forced to see two of them daily, in fact the ring leader who is the major manipulator and started the silent treatment within the group, is the one I have to see so at times I’m forced to refuse to speak with them because it’s usually an aggressive verbal and degrading comment if I do. I don’t want any control or to punish them,I just want to be left alone without feeling I have to isolate to feel safe. Thank you for the clarification and my apologies if I came across over bearing on your short video.

[@user-om2fe8wb4q]

So sorry that others put you in this position! You did the right thing.

[@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807]

Silent treatment towards those who are toxic is needed for victims to heal and preserve their sanity. Toxic individuals shouldn't be problematic to others if they don't want to be ignored and acknowledged

[@justice8563]

@@user-om2fe8wb4qAppreciate your kindness. None of us deserve them in our lives.

[@justice8563]

I thought I was being passive aggressive for not talking to them and ignoring them, but it’s not being passive aggressive,it’s called family estrangement and it’s okay to do what I need, to feel safe. Thank you for your comment.

[@jengreen8996]

Hi Tamara, What a great discussion! I’m always going through this with my family members. I didn’t realize it’s so serious. And explains some of their physical and mental health. Sitting around the holiday dinner table wondering whats going on my entire life. I moved out of state 15 years ago. It breaks my heart, but it saved it the same time. The 3bag green tea oops!😊classic! Your work is amazing understandable and a true gift to the world. Thank you.❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much!! 🤗 That's humbling to hear. And that tea bag situation can't happen again. LOL Sounds like you have made a healthy decision for your heart, mind, and soul. That comes first before anything else. Good for you!

[@fifilafleur5555]

Sadly, some of the “church people” I know have been some of the most judgemental & vicious people I’ve ever met. I steer clear of those types. They are a clique of hate (in some cases) for those who are different in some way. So much for being “good Christians.”

[@pepperjones7559]

Echinacea and goldenseal is great for colds. They have antibiotic properties. I used these herbal supplements when I worked in a hospital.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much for this! I never thought of goldenseal. Thank you!!

[@pepperjones7559]

@@TherapistTamaraHill You’re welcome, Tamara. I hope that you feel better. Thank you for all of your great advice and your generosity to share your wealth of information. It’s a comfort.

[@Juicytruths1111]

Black represents protection & mystery nothing wrong with wearing black

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗

[@michelleichikawayourhawaii9362]

So my ex would use the silent treatment and turn off his phone and leave for two days at a time. I was with him for 13 years and have a teenager with him. It would happen about every month or so…. It would happen if I spoke up for myself, or had a disagreement with him that he didn’t like. He does have other narcissistic traits. No one else has seen who he really is except for myself and my daughter.

[@deborahedwards5004]

The silent treatment works if you need to separate yourself from unhealthy relationships.

[@MrsEd-fh2gs]

The silent treatment I received for 2 weeks as a teenager from my mom was nowhere near as hurtful as the silent treatment I got from a college professor for half a semester.

[@MrsEd-fh2gs]

It was worse because he got other faculty and students to participate in the abuse but that was the power imbalance working against me.

[@barbpace-lamb]

Elderberry

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

thank you!! Just bought some tonight 🙏

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I just made my own extract yesterday. Mm mm.

[@mac-ju5ot]

My neigbhors do this often.ive done nothing to them other than asking for my parking spot to not get blocked...he called me a bitch ... I refused to open my door to this man.His dons a policeman