The Problem with DESI CULTURE

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[@hithere1113]

i (indian) once went to a desi threading salon and in the MIDST of this lady threading my upper lip, a white woman walked in and they left me with half my upper lip undone and immediately sat her down and started tending to her needs. the desi self-hatred is real.

[@haketyu7891]

Omg. So sry abt that. I wish we were a community like I see Black ppl r.

[@mimam4747]

@@haketyu7891 so trueeee! I hate that we lack that 'togethernes' that we claim we have. White people are still put on a pedestal

[@prairielily08]

My closest black friend grew up in a place with a lot of desi people so she always had the hook-up for cheap waxing. She'll tell you herself that she's a hairy girl. One day the women working kept talking to each other in annoyed tones about "kali" and my friend who grew up in this diverse circle in a diverse city knew that meant her. They're so obvious about it and it's so gross.

[@devi123ananth]

Once we went to an Indian restaurant in USA for dinner. They didn't bother to switch on the lights. The manager n waiters barely acknowledged our presence. The moment a non desi family walked in all the waiters went running n switched on all the lights and music!! Unbelievable it ws.

[@redhydra2871]

If I were that white lady, them getting up immediately while tending to another person would not be a compliment. I'd be so embarrassed!

[@madisonvava8342]

My mom always says “A woman is only a guest in her home.” Which is already wtf and I get that she’s a product of her upbringing but it still hurts. How could you say my “true” family is my husband’s? Am i not apart of this family? Am I just burden that needs to be rid asap of through marriage??

[@royaneekhalil6488]

OmG...this! Thank God my mother never subscribed to this but many people around me do, and tbh it has always felt illogical and infuriating because it doesn't even make sense. You can break every relationship in the world- blood relation are the only link that always remains. Even when there is no love, the link remains.

[@Tislyfe]

So sorry sis. I’ve worked so hard to make my daughter feel like she is my everything and break many other cultural garbage we afghans have also. Alhamdolilah for the guidance of islam

[@meadowsanddawn7464]

Oh this, I'm North African, and I too heard this one from a family member. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it left me traumatized. I kept talking about it for days lol. They just put you in a position where you have to create your own place in the home. You have to prove you are worthy and you have to justify your staying basically. We just have to pay no heed to toxic cultures. And start reinforcing justice and common sense.

[@abulybah6947]

@@Tislyfe on point 👍

[@tutu3909]

Yes, I hate this mentality.

[@MJviews96]

A lot of Desi mothers also put their sons on pedestals and that in itself is so dangerous. It perpetuates the notion that their son can get away with anything without any consequences. The son is never held accountable for his actions! This needs to change.

[@MA-xy8rr]

Amen!

[@Sona77.]

True. My mom always spoiled my brother and now he’s extremely abusive and I don’t speak to him anymore.

[@butt_torpedoes]

YESS. When I tell my mom that she treats my brother differently she defends herself like crazy. She treats me and my sister as servants while my brother does nothing

[@indrinita]

You’re basically describing my family. I basically don’t talk to them anymore.

[@akemi2929]

My underage brother molested me & all he got was a scolding & now I'm supposed to 'not bring it up so that he can forget & move past it' and also not stress myself.

[@zeeshawnali4078]

You missed a few points: 1) Gossip culture 2) Lack of personal boundaries...everyone is up in everyone else's business and feel entitled to be.

[@fatimawaqar1877]

So truee!! I hatee the gossip culture, it's so awful and toxic. And yes people feel entitled to know everything about you it's very annoying.

[@sameerakhan7455]

Same. Also, whenever they see someone overweight, they say to me, "Eat less or end up like her" Like, ik they don't mean anything wrong to the person but as I'm rather fat myself, I'm now self conscious cuz I think that someone else will say the same thing abt me to others.

[@limgonnabeastar3320]

I'm not Desi but my family is kind of like this tbh

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

This is such a big sin and they use the religion as an excuse against the younger ppl or others that they wasnt to discredit and badmouth whilst they are engaged in sin and bida and pluck brows and involved in interest based finance items tho show off its honestly so fast from the religion astagfirullah Allah guide us all and forgive us all and bring our ummah back onto the right path and one unified ummah

[@ridagilani432]

This is absolutely true....and after all gossip they end it up with the sentence "hamey iss sey Kya" I am glad that the new generation is realizing it ...but no change can happen in future if we don't stop these things now

[@ud8776]

one more point i’d like to add is the complete normalisation of open discussions about people’s bodies. aunties calling people “fat” and “thin” at family gatherings. “you’re eating too much!” “you barely eat!” are the root of so many brown people’s issues with food and their bodies. and it’s just something we have to accept because if you say anything back you’re being “rude”. it’s dreadful

[@reems9191]

omg yessss THIS. This needs to be a topic for another video in itself

[@sg_1541]

And being rude as a woman is a unforgivable sin to them.

[@lemone9639]

One aunty once told me I look "like a matchstick" (which I don't, I look like fucking Kendal Jenner ffs) , I just smiled at her and asked her if that's the reason her son texts me good morning everyday and has asked me out three times already. Needless to say, she was red and left the dinner table. P.s. she told my mum that I'm a brat lmao

[@fatimawaqar1877]

SO TRUEEE!! You just can't win honestly. As someone who is skinny, people have told me to eat more that I don't eat enough, I look like a skeleton, being this skinny is not attractive, I look like I ran away from a tb ward, have been called quaid e Azam who had tb and was extremely underweight before he died. One of the girls in my class was would often just grab my arm and show the class like LOOK HOW THIN HER ARMS ARE!!

[@fatimawaqar1877]

@@lemone9639 Lmao of course she did XD My friend drew a huge drawing for one of her family members and respectfully asked for money (which she had agreed to give before my friend even made the drawing) but her asking for money was disrespectful and batameezi like you really don't value a person's time and efforts smh!!!

[@omowhanre]

I'm Nigerian. When Desi people look down on me, I make it a point to look down on them. It's shocks them because they don't know what to make of it. It's almost like "how dear you, who do you think uou are?" It's very sad. Although I grew up with Desi culture and food, I absolutely will not tolerate hatred. Colonization definitely reinforces self-hatred.

[@redfirebelle]

Your last statement “colonization definitely reinforces self-hatred” is so true, it definitely has had an impact in so many ways, that non-whites really need to unlearn those patterns and way of thinking.

[@aabbas802]

That is a pretty cool quick strategy. I’m curious what exactly do you say/do to look down on them?

[@nicotinedealer7653]

Good, I don't think as a black person you owe South Asians any politeness. You wouldn't want to know the kind of shit they say behind closed doors.

[@sami05kash89]

@@nicotinedealer7653 I think you’re mostly right but I hope you mean south asians who aren’t nice? Not just in general. Because I’ve met a lot of south asians who are kind and respectful and would never say stuff behind your back so what’s the point of being rude to them.

[@shawsays3258]

When people are insecure they project what they feel about themselves but I really hope that they learn how shitty it is what they do.

[@Aieshoo]

And bragging about who your uncle was or who your father was. I don’t care what your relatives did, I care about what you did.

[@fatimawaqar1877]

So trueee family background is seen as a big thing and I guess I ruined the family image by doing arts... whoops

[@SaraanSarangi]

It has something to do with castes culture as well

[@esthellakomerl8084]

And obsessed with showing off.. Lavish weddings.. Servant culture.. Etc

[@haketyu7891]

Having a servant is fine. The job is called Housemaid, and they r paid. But the lavish part that comes with having privelages of money is definitely an issue.

[@nawalh7931]

Having servants is just part of the comfortable lifestyle people here can afford, ofcourse if you treat househelp with the respect they deserve and give them good accomodation and you’re not employing CHILD labor), its fine.

[@haketyu7891]

@@nawalh7931 Ah ur right. I didn't see it that way. Respecting ppl the same no matter the status is a MUST! and rlly shows ppls true colors.

[@RA-me1ev]

Showing off is also present in Ethiopia. Thoese weddings are ginormous! The shade of your skin colour will have an impact on yout status.

[@popoffpeppar]

So basically arabs

[@justoooawesome]

I felt so validated when you said that you wouldn’t want a desi as a boss. As a black person I had a bad experience with my manager at the time who was desi. I was young and was afraid but looking back I should have reported him to HR. He made a racist remarks and tried to put me down but would kiss the ass of my white colleagues who also reported to him.

[@prairielily08]

A bunch of friends and I have all had bad experiences with desi bosses. I went to a career fair in college where I was well-qualified and the guy wouldn't even look at my resume. I found out later that a white classmate who wasn't even in the right major got an internship there. One of my friends had a boss that was such a bully that she gained probably 50 lbs before she found a new job. At my last job, I was replaced by a white person with less experience than me and my white male former coworker texted me to complain that he didn't understand why she was always so hard on me because she kept letting this white girl get away with murder. Like she lied about having a degree and it wasn't an issue. Working with that lady was such a bad experience that I was hesitant to take my current job when I found out my supervisor would be desi, but I did anyway because it in government and I wanted that sweet health insurance. She ended up being a fantastic boss, and I keep wondering if it's her personality or the government setting.

[@B_muslim]

@@prairielily08 Hopefully it’s her personality

[@Liza-ut7sy]

That's terrible to hear man. Desis have this obsession of fair skin for some reason (it's probably due to being ruled by the British for hundreds of years that our people have been conditioned to think that fairer complexion is "superior") i hope we overcome this complexion bias

[@nooneinparticular756]

damn... as a desi, im so sorry you had to deal with that! we really need to change as a people

[@sg_1541]

I'm so sorry you had to face this. But the new generation of desis are a lot better than the previous generation probably because of the internet. I think people here were brainwashed from such a early age that it's ingrained in their behavior. I also hate how people justify a lot of problematic stuff saying it's Desi culture you won't get it. For example parents hitting the kids to discipline them for no reason at all.

[@AishaKhan-fo1jr]

I recently had a conversation with friends who talked about marrying your daughter off at around 23 /24 because they will be easier to mould/adapt into the new family. I was like what!!!!!!! So we raise our daughters to be educated, independent, able to stand on their own two feet, be self-sufficient and empowered fearless women, only to then be forced to unlearn all that and adapt to their partners and in-laws way of thinking. These women giving this advice have been through so much crap in their own marriages are now advocating this for their own daughters. It is so F***ed up, I was left speechless.

[@attacktitan703]

Oh it works well. That way the daughter can stay with an abusive family instead of getting divorced, which is just what desis want.

[@naranciabestboi8498]

My parents believe that girls should get married before they turn 20, which I think is absolute bullshit

[@samanrahimullah4279]

Tell me about it- loving how this is being discussed so openly… this is such a huge problem and us desis see no harm in it!!!

[@San-vv9uv]

The alternative is confronting the reality that all of their own suffering was completely unnecessary and meaningless. And the platitudes they would've used for decades to make peace with their own situations would stop working, they'd have to look back on their lives in a completely new way. It's painful. Much easier to just shut down when argued with, and perpetuate the cycle.

[@Khymeira]

@@naranciabestboi8498 So your parents literally believe in teenage marriage. Wild.

[@saracapley8616]

The way Asian male colleagues used to talk about our Asian female manager was seriously disturbing. They never said anything to her face but she must have picked up on it. With White managers (male or female) their attitude was so different. I think they found it difficult to take orders from someone who was both female and Asian

[@haketyu7891]

EXACTLY! Men Respecting a woman manager is hard to see, but South Asian men respecting a South Asian woman manager, yiked 👀... And could u imagine if she was also a hijabi, or younger than her subordinates?? I would not wanna know how she would be treated.

[@royaneekhalil6488]

Not surprising. While many respectful men exist, the existing hierarchy where sons are, in many families, still considered more prestigious ( sometimes subconsciously), even good men can find themselves reacting in disrespectful ways to female bosses due to feeling peer pressure. Of course, that is not true for everyone. In my country at least, men are more likely to give public courtesy to women too. It varies- just like it does with white men. Many men, in general, regardless of ethnicity, seem to act as if disrespectful talk is just locker room talk, harmless boys' gossip, without grasping the impact of it

[@SaraanSarangi]

Ofcc

[@Ryan-pg1tw]

maybe you should express yourself more respectful about your colleagues

[@haketyu7891]

@Balochi boy South Asian is a race. Pakistani is ur ethnicity group.

[@Ksahdia]

Desi people are confused. Growing up my parents and their desi family friends always wanted to us keep our desi culture, at the same time we had to be as good as western people: 'look how they do this or that', and the same time we are told not be like them. Our parents and many of their family friends called white Dutch people (we are in the Netherlands) gauray, and when I wanted something my Mum didn't like, she'd say 'gauri banno gi?' and meant it to be horrible. At the same time they like me for have having a light skin and said I have a nice gauri looking skin. These people are not of sane mind. You know what is sad about everything discussed in the video? I am 44 now and went through this decades ago. The new generation like Tazzy Phe is speaking about the same experiences in our current times. Why has nothing changed for the better? What has everyone been doing for the past decades . . .

[@dazein1624]

LITERALLY SAME

[@aaziz5172]

I completely relate to you and I'm from the UK and 19 right now, can't believe nothing has changed.

[@riyadougla539]

I'm 38 and I agree. The elders pass it onto the youngers.

[@tahirrizwan6759]

Definitely feel the colorism thing. People with my skin tone are often told they look Indian because light skin is perpetuated as being this defining Pakistani trait. I blame Pakistani dramein for this and media for instilling this in the diaspora. The stupid thing is that I know what they mean. If you look at Pakistani dramein, the majority is fair. My mom is fair and I use that internally as a way to justify I’m Pakistani. The colorism in the whole sub-continent is just strange to the point I can’t even imagine a brown main character.

[@curlieeloks3032]

It does need to change .. I am an American and Even the white Americans here are darkening their skin with every method possible just to be darker and look attractive . They are even procreating with darker skin people so their kids have “color” .. (not saying that this fetish or motive is correct) … These society’s abroad are sooo far behind and need to wake up . I love the complexions of Asians /middle easterners . It’s so beautiful I hate when some try to lighten their skin . It’s such a shame .

[@sarasumayya3839]

In India anyone with a darker skin tone is automatically ‘Madrasi’ / South Indian . So!!! We are a pretty pathetic people I must say

[@VK-zc2un]

A big part of the reason why light skin was subjected on the Hindustanis was the imposition of an occupying force from Central Asia (the Mughals of Ferghana in Samarkand). They looked at the brown Hindus as the “Other.” Followed by British colonization, this racism became institutionalized.

[@angiedoe597]

Yes the colorism is a big problem, but it’s only due to your male privilege that you didn’t find misogyny a bigger issue. Because the prevalence of misogyny and its depth and breadth in desi culture is unparalleled. Almost all if not all desi men are misogynists. And most women have some level of internalized toxic patriarchal norms. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@user-bn9ft7ns2m]

@@VK-zc2un thats true but even b4 mughals colorismsm existed upper caste ppl were fair skinned than lower caste ppl Wh

[@ashleywolford948]

Once in a social setting with mostly Desi girls everyone discussed and compared skin tone saying things like “Oh you don’t look Pakistani I thought you were Persian you are so fair.” I can’t tell you how absolutely disgusting I felt hearing people talk like that!

[@tahirrizwan6759]

Yes! Pakistanis in general fetishize Persian culture to the point it becomes self-degradation. Looking Persian is synonymous with looking pretty. I find that so odd considering our “own” girls are so cute. People immediately assume I’m Indian just on skin color alone which is odd seeing that PKs pop. is literally brown lol.

[@hoodiehoodie5328]

@@tahirrizwan6759 THIS!!! Fetishization of persians, turks, and some Arabs. It's saddening because our own people are so beautiful and diverse

[@tahirrizwan6759]

@@hoodiehoodie5328 Yes and saying I look “Indian” perpetuates a stereotype that Indians have to look a certain way. Like I understand where it comes from, but I’m Pakistani there is no one Pakistani look. I’ve had a North Eastern Indian friend and people were constantly surprised she spoke Urdu. When will Desis realize that South Asians are very diverse sigh. I have Irani friends as well and even they find it odd that they hear girls say they look Persian, because 1) they look very much South Asian regardless of skin color. 2) It’s weird to use an ethnicity as a compliment. Also Iran is very diverse. I’ve been mistaken for an Irani multiple times because I speak Persian. This goes to show how dumb colorism is. Pakistanis should stop fetishizing other cultures as a way to justify our own culture with the whole “Pakistanis have Persian and Arab ancestry” thing lol. It’s stupid. Be proud to have a rich long South Asian history -.-

[@hoodiehoodie5328]

@@tahirrizwan6759 yesss!! i agree with everything and the ''pakistanis have persian or arab ancestry'' annoys me so damn much. Also, I'm pashtun, so I hear this even more ''We'Re LiGhT sKiN cEnTrAl AsIAnS''... like stfuuu. There are many brown Pashtuns too (like me) and who cares if we're central or south Asians. Both have extreme diversity, so there is no one ''look'' for either. And neither is superior. And like you said, just be proud of the rich cultures and beauty of all different ethnic groups in pakistan. Colourism blinds people of the beauty of our people and is devastating to see

[@iissmexy1040]

@@hoodiehoodie5328 that’s so true personally my brothers are very fair while I’m not and people talk so much shit about my skin tone istg if I get called thoori one more time

[@ud8776]

sometimes i get so sad. our culture is so so rich and beautiful,but the blatant and engraved misogyny,colorism etc makes the self hatred SO REAL and it makes it so hard to love it. it’s so hard to love a country/culture that essentially engraves in your head that there’s always something wrong with you. it’s like we’re all just pushing and pushing to reach standards that essentially don’t even exist.

[@icedwater3149]

Precisely

[@user1-user-0421]

Don’t feel too bad! A similar video can be made about being American & I speak from experience. This just hits home harder because it speaks to our core.

[@AC-mp7cx]

bro every cuture has this

[@MC-fw5vt]

Does Pakistan have the same kind of inbred racism and caste system like in India, with the "untouchables" at the very bottom?

[@Sarcasmhime]

That 'stalking is romantic' thing is also super endemic in Western media and I hate it so much. Just harass a woman until she falls in love with you!

[@chuckboris3844]

KHUDA AUR MUHABBAT!

[@fatimawaqar1877]

@@chuckboris3844 OMG...... I NEVER REALISED BUT YOUR RIGHT

[@chuckboris3844]

@@fatimawaqar1877 lol thank you jee

[@raniab5487]

@@chuckboris3844 and every other pakistani drama. Bandmash boys are romantic. Stalkers are romantic. Wtf.

[@raniab5487]

@@chuckboris3844 i swear there is nothing about Khuda in that drama. Not even any muhabat tbh. If anyone is interested about Pakistani culture and social issues. The poor, relationship with in laws they should watvh Parizaad. Its about a dark skinned poor man who is fond of writing poetry but is made fun of for his looks. He meets many different men and women who deeply impact him. In a recent episode a woman told him the even poetry from a poor mans lips is rubbish but if a rich man swears it is poetry.

[@hamnakhan3656]

The misogyny is very much real to a point that it’s unsafe now. We are scared for our lives now in our own homes too.

[@fatimawaqar1877]

Very unfortunate fact we have to live with. If anything happens you will be blamed no matter what or who it was.... As a women YOU are responsible for everything.

[@riotgrrrl8807]

@Areeb Khan Good on you for improving👍

[@lordtaseen2947]

Oh God you people again! Stop the drama please

[@hamnakhan3656]

@@lordtaseen2947 the drama is what I go through every single day so mind yourself.

[@hamnakhan3656]

@Areeb Khan proud of you

[@abd6645]

Once, I was waiting with my Desi friend for the bus. The bus driver was black and he was the guy which smiled every morning and greeted everyone which is abnormal in Germany and so, I was always happy when I saw that he is the driver of the bus I'll take. That day, my friend said something like "Oh God, now, I will have bad luck" and I asked what she meant. She did not reply but I insisted and got angrier and angrier and she tried to change the topic, but when she saw that it is not working with me, she said that it was a joke. I got so mad at her and she never said something like that next to me again, but I know that her mind didn't change. What bugs me the most is "girl, if you were a tiny bit darker, you were as brown as him. Who are you looking down on?". She generally kept mocking people about how they dress, where i thought that everyone respects her when she wears her traditional clothes, so she should do the same with others. I was so embarassed and felt so bad when she said "look at the fat girl", when a girl was passing by. The probability that the girl heard it was really high. Now, I keep my distance to her, but cannot get how she became like that. I have also an awesome Desi neighbor, so I will not generalize. It is just that "friend" of mine.

[@tarekjah6672]

That's terrible, plus just to say most of the girls from there are not really that pretty, the features are really not that great and they expect a lot. I mean wow

[@abd6645]

@@tarekjah6672 which girls from where?😅

[@tarekjah6672]

Read between the lines dummy

[@tarekjah6672]

No bad guess where is the bully?

[@MA-xy8rr]

Best decision ever. Better to keep yourself away from toxic „friends“ like her than losing your sanity.

[@juliea3447]

The dehumanising juniors and the status craving absolutely reminds me of Nigerian culture. Juniors in Nigeria (whether it’s age, status, job grade, someone who’s doing work for you like a gardener or a contractor) just get absolutely brutalised. Anyone who is “beneath you” basically.

[@isolatemitope5785]

So fucking accurate

[@mogdon2834]

So true

[@riyadougla539]

So damn true.

[@reemk7961]

You hit the nail on the head about what "women want romanticly" and the whole elite society topic. Arabs literally have the same issues. Would love to see a historian's take on some of these issues, esp. ones that are common among colonized countries.

[@mariaelenaalejandrasanchez9549]

Yes .... in latin america also (I am from Argentina)

[@bayleaf7588]

Americans have the same issue too. Some rom coms are super creepy

[@Sheen023]

How is it related to colonialism.? Please enlighten me

[@powdery.Monica]

I'm surprised to hear this from even Latins we're Arab minds slims so when I go on watching some desi vid or films & series I though that it's an issue among the whole countries who are Muslim or even have a majority of Muslims ppl for so little NG time lol me in India. But this topic is very interesting to search its roots and where it came from

[@powdery.Monica]

@@Sheen023 from where u are

[@MuslimHomeschoolersUnite]

I'm an American with Libyan and Turkish roots. I've traveled to different parts of Pakistan and observed that Pakistanis in America and Pakistanis in Pakistan share a common practice - a competitive mentality. They seem to always feel the need to compete with everyone they meet. "You have to be better than everyone else" On a positive note, my children are half Punjabi and the cuisine is my favorite! 😁

[@Madinatubes]

Yep, imagine being the only black African at a desi matchmaking event.. I only knew it was desi once I walked in the event. And then understood I will never participate in something like that because of the blatant racism I received.

[@maryamashraf6370]

Shit like this makes me embarrassed to be pakistani. So sorry you had to go through that

[@farhiyaa4880]

Dont go to a matchmaker unless they black. Desi is a closed culture and they took your money..you should give a bad review.

[@Madinatubes]

@@farhiyaa4880 may Allah guide us all on the right path. Ameen

[@Madinatubes]

@@maryamashraf6370 may Allah guide us all on the right path. Ameen

[@Myview246]

wow I'm sorry about that.

[@SalmaPaz]

It's so true! Some Desi men in the DMs learn their weird stalking behaviour from Bollywood. It's also an issue in other cultures. I think Thailand has a theme for its dramas that's based on women falling in love with their stalkers/rapists. And I remember a really popular telenovela that also had that theme 😭😭😭😭🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 Also, I went to a predominantly desi school in Kenya and the racism and colourism was very blatant. It was terrible. Maybe things will change by then, but I'd actually try to avoid sending my child to a predominantly desi school if it's not clear to me by then that things have changed.

[@samia4766]

Interesting!! I have a question tho, how come so many desi people are living in Kenya?

[@SalmaPaz]

@@samia4766 British colonialism, mostly. East Africa was a big economic center and passageway, so I'm sure there were Desis in Kenya before colonialism, but I believe the most significant numbers came as a result of the British. The British brought Desis to work on the railway and on other things. Eventually, a lot of them brought their families. In Kenya, a lot of huge businesses, including hotels, media outlets, hospitals, banks, schools are owned and run by Desis.

[@SalmaPaz]

@@samia4766 I did a bit of research, which I should have done before first comment. Apparently the railway workers were only a small percentage of the Desis that put down roots in Kenya, because a lot of them went back to India. A lot of Desis came during the colonial period to start up businesses.

[@samia4766]

@@SalmaPaz Oh I see, that's super interesting and insightful, thank you so much!!

[@jihanjannah21]

Omg i think i know the drama you’re talking about🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮Very disturbing

[@onefineday9266]

My husband's friend (Bangladeshi) bought a new car once. He was in his 20s, first job, super excited to show it off to his friends. His friends laugh at him and told him to get a new car. The guy goes back to the dealership and exchanges for a car they said to get. Like why?! Are they paying for your car? Will they be driving your car? 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@tacrewgirl]

😳😢

[@humera5191]

In desi culture, women are always taught that we'll have to look after our husbands (which is not a bad thing to look after your husband obv) but they always teach us household chores - like cooking cleaning, doing the laundry for the sake of marriage, our in laws and the husband - like our husbands don't have their own two arms and legs and can't look after themselves - we're never taught equality, that a marriage is 50/50

[@fatimawaqar1877]

So true!!! Marriage should be a relationship of equality. I hate these double standards.

[@sameerakhan7455]

Exactly! Like, it doesn't happen that much in my family thankfully but my FRIEND's family! She wants to be a marine biologist and wants to study abroad (Either UK or Australia) but her Nani won't allow her saying thar she can only go if she's married and wants her to be married at 18! Alsoz I would like to point out that my friends mom has had 2 divorces cuz of toxic husbands and family. So now they tell her to cook and clean even think she LIKES to cook and clean, she wants to do it cuz she likes it, not for the sake of looking after her husband or whatever. Her family is Maiman and she's trying to not get married at 18 and instead studying marine bio outside of Pakistan. Her mother is also trying to figure something out

[@sameerakhan7455]

@@fatimawaqar1877 Same. When I get married on my own record, I want things to be mutual and it's 50/50. It most likely won't be a Desi man is what I can say

[@Dhfhucudu]

@@sameerakhan7455 Girl same. Maybe a more liberal Arab or idc about the race.

[@aniqah4026]

Equality is basically looked down upon but not so much in the new generations or most of the upper class.

[@jasminefremdehake2354]

Love when people talks about their own country very transparently and in non bias way like you .

[@riyadougla539]

She's very American in that regard.

[@__sababakhair]

Hit the nail on the head will all of these observations Tasneem! On a separate note, I've really enjoyed your content recently- please keep it coming!!

[@ashleywolford948]

Yes she’s killing the game out here!

[@jbb729]

the problem with your culture is you know English but refuse to speak anything other than urdu hindi....in front of non speaking family. Desi are the most rude culture i know

[@__sababakhair]

@@jbb729 what? I'm so confused

[@nadiaahmed7307]

Each of the issues you talked about could essentially have been a separate video all on their own. Very eloquently put across.

[@hyrunnisa997]

ok..I am not desi or Arab...but I definitely see these kinds of things in parts of the Muslim community. Status is everything. people feel ashamed for not having lots of money or a nice house or a nice car. everyone else in the Turkish community around us ( my husband is Turkish) they all have bought houses and they have nice cars. all the teachers quit their jobs and got high-paying jobs in the tech industry and my husband and I are still renting and he literally told me he feels really embarrassed or ashamed because he's been here in the united states for 7 years and he doesn't have anything. When people ask him about me ( i am looking for a job and I haven't found one yet) he gets so humiliated because everyone says to him, oh why is it hard for her to find a job she must be doing something wrong blah blah blah. and I just think, who the hell cares what these people think? I think he has a lot...just because we rent doesn't mean we don't have anything. then he blames it on all the women... or he and the men blame it on the women...but let's be honest it's every single person. they are all comparing themselves to each other and everything is about status and money and material things to them.

[@rizsarwar2713]

similar situation here i feel ya inshallah it will get better for us. fcuk others.

[@abd6645]

It depends on your environment though. My turkish parents migrated to Germany and we are still working class and my dad does not earn much. There were times my mom had to calculate every cent we spent and could not buy us even something simple like juice. We live on rent too. Some of our relatives/friends do not care at all. Some think we are super rich and suck us when we are in Turkey. It is like we starve and save money for the whole year, so we can feed our relatives in Turkey. And some of our relatives really look down on us. Once, my mom bought a gift for the daughter of my cousine (when she married, she came to Germany) and in Turkey, she would be happy about every kind of gift, but now her husband is super rich and she looked at the gift despisingly and said "Hm, I saw this recently in Aldi". So what?! We do not poop money. I felt so bad for my mom that I wanted to pull the gift out of her hands and tell her that I'll take it. How disrespectful. My mom worked so hard. I once went working with her and could no longer continue after 15 minutes. I was sweating and exhausted and she did that for hours everyday for no money.

[@LK-yj8xi]

@@abd6645 oh I understand what you mean. I am also Turkish and live in Germany. I personally feel like Turks in Germany have forgotten about their history and that our grandparents / parents came as guest workers because they were poor. Now German-Turkish people are the most materialistic people that I know. We should be more humble and remember where we are coming from.

[@abd6645]

@@LK-yj8xi It depends again. Most of us face racism the toughest way despite knowing German, despite being smart at school. For me, there is just anger I feel towards my grandfather. He was not any richer when he arrived and what he now left behind is a bunch of kids who have psychological problems. No one really talks about what they experienced back then, but you can see anxiety, an inferiority complex towards Germans etc. Here and there some things that happened back then slip out of their mouths and I am just thrilled. I too had to face lots of ****, where I just wonder if it was worth it. I am very bound to my traditions and I do not need to be aware of where I came from, because we are almost at the exact same spot we were years ago when my grandfather came. I would not necessarily say that all of them are materialistic. It depends on your environment. Even if they are wealthy, they do not brag about themselves. Some just look occassionally down on you. I get that materialistic vibe rather from my relatives in Turkey. They are there when you give them money, but cut out their relationships with you once you say "We are not in a financially stable situation and need some money. Can you slowly start paying off your debt?". They are suckers (not all). They do not care about how you feel neither how you live. My mom went to Turkey this year and all she does is cry lately, because of the cruelty and backstabbing of her own brother. I never knew that my uncle was so shameless.

[@nanaah4602]

muslim is not an ethnicity lol

[@ZZ-ri9vd]

That's also why very worthwhile desi women (looks, intelligence, personality and even wealth sometimes) end up marrying very unworthwhile desi men... desi women are taught to underrate themselves and desi men are taught to overrate themselves

[@Mikkaray014]

1. Narcissism 2. Treating women as family property. As family's "honour". 3.Lack of understanding of ACTUAL modesty. 4.Lack of cleanliness. 5."parents are always right". 6. Obsession with marriage. 7. "Log kya kahenge". 8. Lack of individuality. Apparently, everyone is supposed to look and behave similarly. 9. Looking down on people who do their own work themselves(Speaking from experience).

[@SuhaibZafar]

@Dwayne Wade No they are NOT. Just stop perpetuating this patriarchal BS.

[@riyadougla539]

100%.

[@aymen5193]

As a Pakistani Canadian I too have noticed that anti-western attitude and it always confused me because so many desis try to get visas to western countries for jobs and such, so clearly the west is in some areas better than your home country, so why hold that attitude? I also noticed that when foreigners (mostly white people) criticize desi countries on valid problematic things they are immediately vilified with nationalistic comments and attitudes. I believe that is one area that can be traced back to colonization where if a white person is critical of your country they are immediately painted as the enemy due to the country's colonial past. It becomes more about who is saying it rather than what they are saying.

[@AliAhmed-ve5xl]

If we assimilate You call us coconuts If we don't assimilate You say were backward savages

[@abbeyjane5014]

I agree too many people blame white people for all their problems without realizing white people are not the only bad guys in the world.

[@angiedoe597]

As a south Asian (Indian) living in North America, every single point resonated with me! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@indrinita]

Same with me - I’m of Indian origin but Canadian culturally (grew up there, though now living in Germany) and desi culture is so toxic and disgusting that the only things I have to do with it is the food and yoga. I basically don’t even talk to my family anymore because they’re so toxic.

[@indrinita]

@@anime2315 sorry but in my experience desi culture is way worse. I never said any culture is "perfect", only that desi culture is hyper toxic on many levels. I don't know why we have to debate that basic fact.

[@indrinita]

@@anime2315 yeah sorry not sorry, just disagree with you fundamentally. Whataboutism doesn't address the issues nor help our community fix the toxic issues unfortunately. Denial is not the answer and that is often the first kneejerk reaction of desis to many fundamental problems in our culture. Looks like you're steeped in it. It's like in any political discussion about India and how so many things are going wrong, Indians always say "well, at least we're not Pakistan!". Like wtf, as if that's going to solve the problem. It's not dependent on "how you see things", if you're choosing to be willfully blind to the problems. Every single brown person I know has a ton of trauma in their life based exactly on the issues Taz is talking about. I guess you just wish no one would talk about it like a typical dysfunctional desi. Doesn't make the problem go away though, just makes it worse.

[@AliAhmed-ve5xl]

@@anime2315 Pakistanis are literally main alpha males who fight white guys all over the UK You don't see persian, arab, or black males throwing their fist Its always Pakistani guys

[@riyadougla539]

@@AliAhmed-ve5xl Have you seen how Pakistanis are treated in the gulf kingdoms?

[@yellowlemondrop000]

The treatment of people under you (the workers part you mentioned) is absolutely 100% true. I work under a desi lady and the way I’m treated is in my opinion the worst out of everyone. I get the most micromanagement, the harsher standard, and the rudest attitude and I’m talked down to constantly. I’ve ignored it and held onto everything for my job but I’m so tired of it. I would’ve thought working under a desi woman would’ve been good but I was so wrong. I think this just goes back to the status/rank thing. Because you are not in a higher position you are not respectable according to them.

[@maryamsheikh4934]

I have a running theory that the violence against women issue in Pakistan is directly connected to the degradation of those working under you phenomenon. These men spend so much time keeping their heads down, gritting their teeth while they get slapped around, cussed at, dehumanized. They end up carrying so much resentment and anger in them and in a society like Pakistan, the only person they can violently dominate or wield any level of power over is a woman or child.

[@aleksanderblinn4492]

Look up narcissism

[@prairielily08]

I had a manager like this at my last job. If you can possibly survive if you quit, do it! I quit in late 2019 and it took me a YEAR to find a job that paid the same crappy wage (haha pandemic) and I was at home all the time eating daal for a long while to save money before and after I quit, but that lady gave me nightmares and ruined my self-esteem. I have my life back now, except for an occasional nightmare where I’m back there.

[@aleksanderblinn4492]

@@prairielily08its a narcissist. It needs fuel. Covert malignant types are hard to detect, they will smear you and manipulate you they are very crafty people. Will sabotage your work and annoy and provoke you to rouse a negative reaction out of you. These people are demonic and they feed off of you they project their insecurities onto you. They hate empaths and get great satisfaction from hurting people. They are sensitive toddlers who havent matured enotionally and lack in empathy who are control freaks and have you walking on eggshells. They think they are so special. Please look into narcissism or narcissists its a pandemic theres so many of them nowadays and the more you know about these types the better.

[@sweettea1193]

My farther did this. We were in Bangladesh and we had a young 17 y old maid and she was a nervous girl but she tried her best cleaning everything in sight. Once she made a mistake and dad screamed in her face saying how useless she was. Seeing the tears in her eyes and her bowed head made Me so angry but there was nothing I could do because this was my farther. But I hated him so much in that moment for his blatant abuse

[@Tharoo-pg2df]

The dislikes are going to be men and the snooty classist. I had a desi boss in the US and he would snap his fingers at me like I’m a dog. 🤮🤮🤮 I’m happy to say I didn’t put up with it!

[@triptinath5675]

good for you girl!He's not worth your time

[@blacki620]

Stupid girl......if you get offended by this little things.....then you're never going to get anything in life🤦

[@nicki_minajs_lost_wig934]

@@blacki620 how would you like it if somone did that to you? it is rude to do that to anyone

[@blacki620]

@@nicki_minajs_lost_wig934 it's not at all rude...... especially if you live in desi world ....ig her boss might've had a habit of doing it......maybe he didn't meant to boss her around.......even in schools teachers do it......and no one considers it rude....

[@jezza_belle4867]

@@blacki620 except she isn't living in a desi world? she is living in the US. She is a person, not some animal. Snapping fingers shows the boss's immaturity. perhaps you should reconsider your principles if you're calling someone an idiot for standing up for herself. and FYI, just because it's normal or common doesn't mean it's ok

[@esthellakomerl8084]

Your comments on Dil se is something I've wondered for centuries (I'm a lot older than you..).. These movies, I used to wonder how they can produce a movie like that where a guy is behaving like a sick psychopath, and yet he is the hero.. And they portray that as true love.. Absurd.

[@haketyu7891]

Those movies were through the male gaze. Fantasy etc. A twisted escape from reality. It is perverted as heck

[@5minutecalms]

It's an apt film for it's type and genre. There is still context and the weirdness is part of the experience. The actual bad films are ones where such behaviour is normalised or shown as common.

[@71espn]

I think you and her have gotten Dil se wrong. Shahrukh's character is the antagonist here. The stalking creepy behaviour isn't glorified infact it is a metaphor for our behaviour towards Kashmiris and people from the north east and its tragic conclusion. Manisha's character is from the north east.

[@5minutecalms]

@@71espn Yes

[@esthellakomerl8084]

@@71espn, when they choose Shah rukh to play the role of a stalker, or love sick drunkard, etc, then it is going to glorify that type of perverted behaviour. How many times have we watched a young heroin in dance, trying to escape the hero, whilst he is holding her, pulling her hand, etc etc?

[@MomoRockz101]

OMG the expectation and sacrifice expected of women, especially in the context of marriage, YES YES YES!!!

[@awk2647]

This calls for a video on "desis and their obsession with impressing the colonisers/ copying them" . Would love to see it discussed more

[@tacrewgirl]

This

[@brickmedusa]

I'm indian from delhi and that elite class is also there in india mostly in South delhi and south bombay cause people from those areas are generally extremely wealthy

[@yusraa.8777]

A couple months ago I went to Pakistan after many years and this was the first trip where I was actually woke and old enough to comprehend everything going on around me. To say I was appalled by the contradictory societal beliefs and obsession with materialism/status is an understatement. I even saw the same older generation mentality emerging in the younger generations. Everything you said is just *chef’s kiss*🙌🏼

[@greengalaxy8873]

It is a capitalistic drive. Not 100% bad.

[@saijanaswamy7210]

I move out and don't talk to family. My parents STILL just randomly give out my contact info to ppl i don't know 🙃🙃🙃

[@attacktitan703]

As a woman in Pakistan, the misogyny is so terrible it's making me depressed. I'm 21 and i can't drive on my own because it's 'unsafe'. If I told my parents I'm serious about going abroad for studies they're probably going to tell me about how that's something for boys. My father thinks if the guy's earning well and is from a respectable family you should marry him. The benevolent sexism makes me want to puke. And I'm actually better off than many other women because some women aren't even allowed to have a say in their own life decisions. Heck some women aren't even REGISTERED citizens of the country because they're not allowed to leave the house.

[@beehappy9974]

Same. I can't buy tampons or menstrual cups because my mom's afraid it will break my v-card.

[@farhiyaa4880]

I am not pakistani..but your dads right..study abroad in a foreign country as a women alone is not safe and opens her to vulnerable situations. I understand this because I have traveled alone before..I had to take extra precautions because kidnapping and sex trafficking is a thing. Men will stalk you more when they know you dont have male protection. I agree with dad if the man is respectful and can provide then it makes sense.

[@attacktitan703]

@@farhiyaa4880 But did you get kidnapped? Or raped? Obviously you take precautions, but it doesn't mean you shut yourself in a little hole in a miserable country and act like you're wise because the world is a 'big bad place'

[@attacktitan703]

@@farhiyaa4880 Honey domestic violence is so prevalent and everyone follows the same advice you're giving.

[@farhiyaa4880]

@@attacktitan703 I didnt get raped but I did got stalked and taken advantage of with service.

[@haniaajmal4016]

Great video! Honestly agree with everything you said! I feel like men are so overrated in desi culture. My mom and my aunt are the ones who take daily care of my Nani, but she would still prefer to live with her sons instead! And when my Nani was living with my family, my dad did get a little annoyed, even though his mom, my Dadi has lived with us for 20+ years. -__-

[@saimakhan9122]

Typical desi mind set where your paternal side looks down on your maternal side and considers them as outsiders.

[@fatimawaqar1877]

@Amandeep Wahi Islam has so many rights for women and wives as well that people just chose to ignore. Islam isn't the problem it's the people who follow it and our culture that's the problem.

[@nicotinedealer7653]

This is so relatable literally everything here has happened in my household

[@xp_money7847]

@@fatimawaqar1877 so many rights and yet you cant legally marry a non muslim? If you don't have the courage to admit the problems in religion then no need to come to such channels

[@fatimawaqar1877]

@@xp_money7847 But that's a rule in some other religions as well. The thing is Islam is not just a religion but a way of life, if your partner isn't a Muslim it would become very hard for you on a practical level. It's true that every religion has it's flaws not just Islam. What I meant was that most people who follow the faith are not following it properly and are completely unaware of the rights regarding women and wives. Hope you get my point thank you.

[@kriputyub7566]

Desi male ego is another level. I have heard people (immigrant desis) say stuff like don’t interrupt your husband even if he is wrong.

[@fabiasoha1684]

I'm from Bangladesh🇧🇩 and all of these bad sides about desi culture are on point! Hopefully this will change with our generation.

[@aniqah4026]

I’m Bangladeshi too while my parents are more relaxed, I feel like they’re still the type that want their kids to be exactly like them. They want us to follow culture exactly how they follow it and if something isn’t in line with culture they hate on it which is toxic to me and I hate it, so much hate towards women is apart of culture.

[@satan9487]

I'm Indian and FINALLY FINALLY YOU PUT everything I've thought about into words

[@nonsocialfam1933]

I just came back from visiting Pakistan and oh my gosh everything you said is so true! Most of my cousins' children who were little girls (ages 5 to 12 or so) were obsessed with having fair skin and would always talk to me about it. Also everyone was always bragging about what degrees their kids had and what jobs they worked in, like it was some competition. One of my family members had maids and would treat them horribly. It made me so angry to see all of this, plus seeing all the women having to live with their in-laws to cook and clean for them everyday I just could never do that. I feel so blessed being born and raised in the US and not having to experience that. Man, I hope things really change there.

[@riyadougla539]

Same here. Thank God for the US.

[@aaminakhurram1392]

And it's even worse when you actually live here, day in, day out. Sometimes I feel like it'd be better for my own peace and sanity if I were completely ignorant of everything happening around me. Paying attention to the society around you and caring about it, wanting things to change is the best way to ruin your own peace:)))

[@anvenator2799]

I can relate. Sometimes, it can have such a huge numbing effect that I literally shut everything out.

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

agree so much but as an american

[@nisairshad1650]

why is this so true. as a desi with my parents from Pakistan, they always are so SO racist towards my bestfriend who is black! they called her mean slurs and joked about her family being some gangsters or something like that. my aunts are racist too. at this point color is just a joke and being racist is SO normalized everyone ignores it! also when someone like one of my female family members said that she was touched inappropriately my family was like "what were u wearing?" or "hide your body its your fault no one else's" it would be rlly hard for her because she was being discouraged constantly to keep quiet about sexual abuse.

[@anupreetiboro1352]

My mom always had expectations of me to score 100% but that wasn't enough on its own. I passed the 3rd grade at the top of my class and her only response to that was, "just because you have passed with a 100% score doesn't guarantee that you will score the same marks again" I was well aware of it, but it really hurt my self esteem, and I ended up never talking to her about anything unless she was the one who would initiate a conversation. And now she keeps wondering why do I keep everything to myself and barely come out to talk. That also earned me the name "ghost" because I like to live alone and in silence. Since she doesn't want to listen, I won't put up with the goody two shoes act either.

[@riyadougla539]

I keep myself to myself too.

[@sadaqah117]

I married two pakistani men. I just could not. There is no way for me to wrap my head around how the women are treated. How even the daughters are treated. The first was Jamaat at Tabligh.... The whole, "I am going for kharooj for one month to Las Vegas"????? WTH? There aren't enough people in L.A. to make dawah to? The level of lying and fabricating lives they don't have at all was just beyond belief. Anyway, I divorced both of them.

[@Marriaaful]

You’ve got guts to speak up🥰❤️ people are afraid of speaking these facts, thanks tas x

[@alishbaahmad2613]

We can literally talk about this for hours.

[@ma_niz]

As an Indian, Hyderabadi, I 100% agree with everything you said. There are thousands of other things that are problematic about our cultures. For example not being able to explain yourself and stand up for yourself in front of elders because of the "badtameezi" concept. Mothers feeling like they own their grown sons. The matriarchy is also as toxic as the patriarchy, enforcing rules passed down from woman to woman on how to serve the men and how to please others. The way women are constantly complaining about their bad marriages, relationships, lifestyles, etc without doing much to help themselves because good communication is considered rude "badtameez." Religion and culture getting mixed up so that culture is taught and is called religion. This video opens up so many PTSD issues for me. Could you start a monthly Zoom group where us girls get together in a safe space to talk about our issues to help each other?

[@athenam4724]

The matriarchy isnt a thing, it's just internalized misogyny caused by the patriarchy

[@tash4710]

As a tiny representative spec of your western audience: I love videos like this. Can't have too many. Love hearing your contemplations and perspective on this. Keep it up bestie.

[@ma_niz]

Hold on, lemme grab my popcorn cause I know this video is gonna be GOOD

[@sarahwatts7152]

It's hard to separate the dumb and harmful things your culture does from who you are - speaking as a white woman in the US. I think it's a question of not hating yourself because you are tied to a flawed culture, understanding the flaws, and still loving the parts that are worth loving.

[@triptinath5675]

That was well said Sarah!

[@chimp4099]

Can't agree enough

[@macummings7818]

Appreciate this comment Yes, it takes work to hv this integrity but it solved most if not all of the woes and trials of relating to other races/ ethnicities/ cultures!

[@HH-db8hk]

This is exactly the same with the Arab community and culture! Literally identical.. word for word.. Smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@aqsaazam3785]

Ahhh, I agree with everything!! The elitism, the racism, the misogyny, women making many personal sacrifices after marriageee!!! You were very spot on!!

[@mahnoorkhan7601]

As a desi American your absolutely on point! One thing I'll forever be grateful for is that my parents actually did not care about my grades as long as I'm doing my best. They were happy with my As and Bs. Also, can you talk about the normalization of physically abusing your kids in desi/asian culture. Like my parents only hit me once for something that wasn't even my fault and my mom apologized while my dad did not. Yeah misogyny is absolutely a thing like my dad does not pick up after himself at all and preety much expects my mom to do everything for him. He usually won't eat at home until someone hands the food to him. My mom is the one who has to pack his luggage/cloths most of the time. Its the desi American boys who perputate this.One time my brother asked his desi female friend to pick me up and her brother found out about it. He called my brother saying that oh I don't want you to be friends with my sister because your a boy. Even though, shes in my brothers whole desi friend group. Like is he going to call every single male friend of hers.. And then calling her saying that oh you shouldn't be friends with these boys and basicly scolding her. I absolutely hate the expectation desi ppl have that I'm going to marry and have kids. When I don't like kids and want to be single forever.

[@Thefloristgang4pf]

@Amandeep Wahi Hindu and Sikh women do too, maybe it’s a cultural thing.

[@skreemsama850]

Lol I like your last phrase. it's sad it's all sad and I relate to all of it as an Egyptian girl

[@AliAhmed-ve5xl]

Desi American lol Pakistanis live in the UK not America

[@mariamr.6362]

Brooo I'm like 5th generation desi living in South Africa. let me tell you ALL of these things are true. it's sad how ingrained these traits are in our culture. Just yesterday for example my dada was joking how he called my cousin fat and didn't see the problem with it. another thing thats such a big one - their license to comment on everyone's appearance. I'm just so tired of constantly dealing with this

[@mimiwey9014]

It seems women suffer in most cultures, though in different severities, how sad, women deserve better! To be respected! To be seen as a human! ☹️☹️☹️😢 Also, it breaks my heart to hear about the racism and colorism😞

[@ChristieHte]

The misogyny issue can literally be a 5 parter video essay and even then we still might not be able to cover all the intricacies of the issue. It is terrifying, and yes I know i am not desi, but I have spent a very large amount of time around them to see these issues and how engrained they are even in the youth. We have this preconception that only the elderly perpetuate this narrative. Nay nay, most of my young male desi acquaintances and some women think just the same.

[@raniab5487]

Victim Blaming is so common it’s disgusting

[@sennataylor592]

9:40 I know this is probably just a small detail, but thank you for not blurring/hiding their usernames. If they're fine with posting those comments publicly, then they're fine with getting exposed (even if it's just two or three of them)

[@Saphiera270]

there's so much extrinsic trauma we face bc of our culture, like im proud and thankful to be a pakistani muslim but goddamn i wish i wasn't so scarred by what we've lived through

[@ridagilani432]

Girl....you just did an amazing job!! being a Pakistani these things literally give me a headache. These issues are all due to extreme narrow-mindedness and illiteracy. I don't know when will our society realize these problems are the major factors of our today's so-called ''BIG'' problems

[@commongirl.4387]

This video is a visual representation of hitting the nail on it's freakin' head! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@sarasamadi2196]

I love how critical you are

[@chrollohorsepp4830]

this is why I'm studying hard to leave this country, the misogyny is so incredibly normalised it's nauseating.

[@xentona4056]

My maamo recently got married to this beautiful, kind-hearted lady. She's so well-mannered and is a few years older than me and talks to me like a friend would. Her skin colour is a medium brown, and obviously this is the point I want to address. Ever since the Nikkah happened (before rukhsati), there's been talk in my khaandaan about how she's such a nice person and how my nani (who passed a few months before, may Allah SWT grant her jannat-ul-firdous) would have adored her. Hearing all of that is great, but the follow up statement is always what ruins it, "Khoobseerat hai lekin RANGG thora kam hai" and then they start saying things like "thora sa compromise tou krna parega, har cheez tou nahi milti na" like having brown skin is some kind of downside but they'll COMPROMISE that preference for fair skin because she's such a nice girl w a nice personality.

[@landy9345]

WTF with the whole men not being able to control themselves? If men from other cultures can do it and RESPECT women, anybody freaking can. I'm not Desi nor Pakistani (I'm Mexican), but I hate whenever women are blamed for everything. In my culture there were similar ideas, but I'd like to think that we are improving and more and more people teach their sons to respect women. It isn't perfect, buut at least there is some progress being made.

[@arkaghose675]

"I don't know how to verbalize it" its called narcissism and it's persistent in desi culture.

[@timeismore7239]

There’s also a problem with women treated much differently than a guy the same age as her. A desi girl will turn 18 and her relatives back home encourage her parents to get her married as soon as possible because apparently when you’re a female who just turned 18, you’re about to grow white hair and getting wrinkles. But a 30 year old desi man is still seen as a “kid” and he’s not “old enough to get married” What the fuck is that about? A brown boy smokes, drinks, has a gf and commits zina, goes to party past midnight, etc but all that’s goes unnoticed but a brown girl wears a crop top outside once and she’s looked down upon and she has officially disgraced her family!! This is why most young desi girls want to escape their culture because it aggravates them and they just can’t feel safe and honestly, I don’t blame them.

[@riyadougla539]

Very true. When I move out I want nothing to do with desi culture anymore. It's depressing and traumatising.

[@mimam4747]

Loved every second of this video especially with that sprinkle of Tazzy humour! We see and appreciate how hard you're working with your videos. It's all paying off because they're amazing- original, has your touch, entertaining, informative and just bloody brilliant. You're doing an amazing job Tazzy, you deserve so much recognition!

[@areejahmed3293]

So happy to see you posting again! Love the content you've been putting out so informative and real!

[@hudahaleem16]

This was much needed! Thanks for sharing your thoughts ❤️

[@loverofahlulbayt2411]

Thank you for speaking about these things sis! We are not this and this is not us. So let's not hate ourselves because of the despicable aspects of the culture we were born into. Each of us will leave this world alone and then be accountable for ourselves alone in the Hereafter. Embarking on my journey of Religion set me free. I am a Muslim first and foremost. My parents are Pakistani but that won't save me or hinder me in the judgement of Allah. Whether or not I learn the religion, avoid the sins and fulfill the obligations WILL. People are messed up, our culture is messed up, the the problem goes back to the fact that those people haven't learned TRUE Islam. They take the religion as a buffet and use what benefits them and leave out what they don't want. They have prioritized culture over what really matters, our Imaan. Our Islam, true Islam, purifies us. I'm a Muslim and that's how I identify myself. The fact that I'm Pakistani or another Muslim is from Somalia for ex is irrelevant. No one is better than another except by piety. Bless you sis 💜💜

[@ijuneberry]

Every culture has it flaws but you are absolutely correct if you identify as a Muslim first it sets you free; as a Somali there are all the elements tizzy mentioned but some are not to that extremes; Pakistanis really look like good people and very lovely culture I hope that these flaws will come to end soon.

[@dinamasroura4025]

Well said sisters 💖

[@skreemsama850]

Exactly

[@usmanbinaffan8405]

@@ijuneberry In sha Allah ❤❤

[@usmanbinaffan8405]

Very well explained sister 👌❤❤

[@limaali1]

This video is so good! I'm an American Bangladeshi, and I swear that everything you said is so accurate! You perfectly Verbalized everything that I wanted to let out for so long!

[@suzannal6047]

You must be my soul sister because I'm in total agreement with everything you said in this video and I am not even Muslim! Another thing you look almost identical to my distant cousin who is actually Polish and she's quite beautiful As You Are!

[@Mushakis21]

Girrrl... About the misogyny... I feel u 😭

[@esthellakomerl8084]

And obsessed with fashion.. So glad you're talking about this..

[@user-em2zj8bz3p]

OMG I live in Pakistan and this is 10000000% accurate. Our culture can be beautiful and diverse but we can be verrry toxic. The amount of internalised misogyny, internalised colourism and elitism I had to overcome is astronomical. And trying to explain desi people why these things are wrong is nearly impossible. Also I HATE when people say that you are unpatriotic of you criticise your country, like how can you fix your country’s very real problems if you don’t acknowledge them, it’s not patriotic to turn a blind eye and pretend everything is fine. SMH.

[@bootsmade4walking]

Tazzy once again coming with that quality content. And yes I agree, reflecting on the “why” can be very helpful. I’ve done that on toxic behavior in the American Muslim community in the US and it helped ☺️

[@ainibaloch1702]

I'm so happy people are talking about this. For a long time, I just felt it was just me who thought like this and was self-hating or hating my own kind of people. But I just constantly saw how regressive things were in our own community or in my own visit to Pakistan. Despite the amazing food, the colours, even the good points to our culture.. there was so much bad to deal with (especially as a girl), that I struggled a lot with feeling confident in my own skin. It's only now I'm becoming more settled and understanding. We, as desi are becoming more aware of our toxic traits and able to recognise that we do not have to perpetuate this ourselves or be constantly bombarded with this. And also, learning how to explain it clearly, kindly and with more compassion?? I hope that one day, I can be happy to be who I am ;u;. Thank you for this video.

[@shamrezy]

More videos like this and on these topics!!!! I love how you speak on these topics!

[@user-si8ze9pk8y]

The point about Desis being difficult with other Desis at work...WHEW. I had no idea it was *that* common as its something I've seen and experienced all throughout my life. I feel like it's a ramification of colonialism/partition bc when it comes down to it, it's literally internalised colonialism. The fact that people treat and speak to their white coworkers differently, as if [white coworker] is better than them...is just insane to me. Surely, the logical behaviour is to treat your desi coworker better bc of that commonality and because you're both facing the same struggle? It's sad, but it's true. Amazing video w all the relevant points. She never misses!

[@sanasalam6665]

Thanks for this video and your content in general. It’s refreshing to hear someone talk about these things.

[@sarahghoseroy4795]

Just here for the algorithm. Love your stuff. Always makes me feel seen.

[@itsamy97]

Everything you said in the video is so.on.point! Loved it! Please make another video on misogyny in Pakistani culture. From not wanting daughters, to not letting them get an education, not letting them work, forcing them to get married, making life SO difficult for women that chose to remain single or want to work, i could go on and on and on. I don't know if you have seen all this first hand, since it is more specific to people that actually live in Pakistan but I'd love to see your perspective on it!

[@inaas2419]

@Amandeep Wahi So you're one of those people backing misogyny with religion 😑. How is letting women get educated, work, make their own life decisions "fake west values"?

[@127laibaakmal6]

Agree with everything you said. Luckily, the younger generation is not like that. At least, not all of them. I am from Pakistan. Also, the obsession with Skin complexion don't even get me started. I too, believed in all of these things from white skin to creepy guys and toxic behaviour. Thankfully, As I grew up and realized the Problems within our culture, I started to educate myself. I have changed soooo much. My Mom, still sends me videos on skin whitening and tells me to use Whitening creams despite the fact that I have told her many times that I do no want to. My face gets tanned very quickly. So, when I stay at home my skin starts to slowly de-tan ( I think that's what it is called I guess ). My face is more tan than the rest of my body. Like literally my whole body is on the lighter side but my face is on the darker side. It's difficult to explain. She constantly comments on my Complexion. Also, A friend of my mom constantly comments on my weight. Like, "OH YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT" or "OH YOU HAVE GAINED WEIGHT". I told her how I feel bad about her comments also the comments from her friend. But she dismisses them and says I am being over-sensitive. I get so annoyed and irritated. Sometimes, even heart broken. Like, is that my worth. My face and it's colour THAT'S IT.

[@yaells6758]

It’s same in arab culture lol it’s crazy how obsessed one can be with skin color

[@127laibaakmal6]

@@yaells6758 It's crazy though.

[@violetrose1670]

Dear Sister, I am a Bangladeshi and I can vouch that all these are not only cultural issues from Pakistan. These are south Asian problems. And, I applaud you for bringing them to light. Kudos to you. :)

[@germandaddy907]

but people from the west call her “a pakistani”

[@commonomics]

I’m not desi but I love watching these videos

[@salena6590]

Thank you for making this video, Tasneem! You really did hit the nail with everything. I hate how many desi people treat workers as less than and dehumanize them.

[@darwinwatterson3440]

Its amazing to see all this being talked about! I don't find a lot of "desi/brown" people doing commentary at all and that makes me feel so isolated and under represented. I really can't even put in words how valid I feel, as I go thru the "I wish I was just white, dating freely, studying anything I want, not caring about ruining my family's name" all the time. Subscribed instantly, keep doing more of this!

[@dazein1624]

THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO. LITERALLY TOUCHED ON EVERYTHING THAT I AM ALWAYS SCREAMING ABOUT.

[@saltandpeppers8788]

AH! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING ABOUT THESE THINGS, especially the emulating “Western” values that they talk down on (they talk down on it until they finally have it...), treatment of workers, and different treatment in the workplace. You are great!

[@khushbakht6630]

Thank you for this video. I have only been in Europe the past few months, and I realize what I thought to be problems with the human nature were mostly Desi etiquette.

[@saraaxx9100]

PREACH!! Agreed with everything you said, and absolutely deterministic to change this all for myself and my family in the future, InshaAllah

[@aerialtaprootanalysis6117]

congrats on 80k tazzy, hopefully you reach that 100k soon, you really deserve it!!!!

[@aishazamir844]

It is tricky I went through the same thing, hating my desi culture. Getting some distance from it helped me, and I cocooned myself away to understand things and figure things out. I think it comes down to identity too, for myself anyway.. The desi culture has its good and bad sides, but for me being Muslim is my identity, not to sound preachy just thoughts on my own journey with this. And Islaam is how I live my life, I was born in the UK, my parents are not that cultural, so I am Muslim, British, Pakistani - I guess in that order too. I am aware of the cultural dogmas that exist but I don't follow them, and if I see unfairness happening I speak on it within my capacity. Educating myself on my religion really gave me closure on the culture I was brought up in, what is fair, what is moral, it gave me my moral compass. I am Pakistani, but not a lot, I am Muslim, and I will try to be this as much as I can