The diaspora have no culture & it's a problem...

[@gabrielt.3181]

In my opinion, I think that this thing about coconut people doesn't make any sense. If your parents immigrated to another country and you were born and raised in this second country, of course, you will absorb a lot of this new culture just because it's your home country and your culture. Your parents only learned the cultural traditions of the country where they grew up, and you learned what the environment and your parents had to offer. There is no coconut person (brown on the outside and white in the inside), they are just non-white american. There is nothing wrong with that

[@prosquatter]

Thank you. People immigrate to the US with some not-so-nice opinions about Americans, and are then mortified if their children that were born and raised in the US act like "them" even the slightest. But if you were to send them back to Pakistan, they would quickly realize that they act like "them" too, they just didn't notice the change, because it was gradual.

[@prachijaiswal3784]

Yeah, and she was born in the 70s. Also, unlike russel peters, she never said anything bad about India or made fun of Indians in general she just communicates her story

[@snowbird7254]

I agree!

[@free_palestine786]

​@@prosquatterif they have not so nice opinion about American, don't migrate then.

[@LizzyAlexis]

Agreed. I personally don't like the phrase, "brown on the outside, white on the inside". This reduces culture to the colour of one's skin alone. Within "black, brown and white" communities there are a multitude of cultural traditions.

[@yuyu2007]

When I’m around people who are “more Arab” than me, it feels like my lack of Arab-ness is a personal failure. Which then makes me not want to spend time in the community. And the cycle continues.

[@lefutur72]

Yep yep 😭

[@ColonelFluffles]

how so? If you're not Arab, you're not Arab lol. Why does it matter even?

[@richbaboon9345]

@@ColonelFluffles you have no reason to comment Geert. They ARE Arab. They are feeling insecure about whether or not they fit in

[@ColonelFluffles]

@@richbaboon9345 bro, how are you arab if you're south Asian??? It's not that I'm excluding them. I'm not Arab myself. If they're not Arab, they don't "have to" be or feel Arab to fit in.

[@zzkzkzzkzkzk8945]

​@@ColonelFluffles where did op say they're south asian here? They just related their similar Arab experience to the youtuber.

[@30secondsflat]

As a Pakistani who grew up abroad and loves his culture, this hits home. I never grew up wanting to be "white"--quite the opposite, I wanted to be more desi, and was always brought up to love my culture. It was deeply painful visiting Pakistan to be constantly made fun of for any slight mispronunciation when speaking Urdu. I wish my family would have known or cared how much it hurt. Despite all of that, I still learn and preserve whatever Urdu I have for myself, and even if my efforts to speak aren't respected, it's something I will still do. I suppose for people in our situation all I can say is: reject the ABCD stereotype. Diasporas are still part of a culture. If you love that culture, you should never feel any shame, and you should be praised for doing your best to preserve what you love about it despite what the "authenticity police" and "culture gatekeepers" say.

[@omarsabih]

There's no such thing as Pakistan

[@sps6]

Why he'll u left pakistan?should have stayed back put women in tents...do raids against other communities travel on donkeys..you missing all fun

[@johnnymonoxide9220]

Wtf is "Desi"? Strikes me as an attempt to create uniform identity between Muslims and Hindus which comes at the expense of Islam. The more religious one is the more he holds on to culture. You won't see a true Muslim celebrating "Halloween", or installing Christmas tree in the house.

[@notofyourneed5728]

​​@@omarsabih don't worry in coming times there will be no such thing as India 😁

[@nadirkhan7353]

drop the desi stupidness while in America and live a Muslim American life....will make your life easier

[@neurodivergentpixi6736]

Mindy is such an enigma. She claims to fight social stereotypes by....exacerbating those stereotypes.

[@TheMrHavish]

Yeah my thoughts exactly. On one hand, I'm happy for her success (she's great in The Office and Late Night) and glad she's reached the level in Hollywood where she gets to create her own productions and give more visibility to the South Asian community. But I also feel like she can do better. One of the reasons I don't care for Never Have I Ever is how it's supposed to subvert stereotypes yet falls into the same old desi stereotypes: the nerdy, awkward American girl who lusts after hunky hot white guys, the stern traditional mother, the fobby cousin from India, etc.

[@SilentMute0515]

Lowkey reminds me of when AAPI representation was just beginning to pop off with the release of crazy rich asians and so many news publications (some even ran by Asian-Americans) were highlighting people like Ken Jeong lol. Like yes he had big roles but they were so stereotypical and backwards.

[@soniaalam6278]

@@TheMrHavishbut maybe this was actually her experience. If that was the case (and even if it fits a certain stereotype) it’s still valid and her story to tell.

[@TheMrHavish]

@@soniaalam6278 Fair enough and yes, I do recall reading somewhere that her experience growing up was being awkward and only being noticed romantically by white guys. But my issue is why does she use this exact same trope in The Mindy Project and The Sex Lives of College Girls? The latter of which (from what I gather) is fictionalized and not based on her life.

[@ashleyoasis7948]

@@TheMrHavish stereotypes exist for a reason

[@tinaviolinqueen]

I felt this so much. I'm a third generation American of Mexican descent who doesn't speak Spanish. I've gotten so much crap my whole life for not knowing. But the way I've been treated does not encourage me to learn, but makes me not want to learn. Thanks for speaking on this issue.

[@uRBruna]

Yep. I can speak Spanish, but my younger brother cannot. People STILL give me so much shit over the dumbest things like, my "accent" is too white or I don't like dancing or whatever. The bar is always being raised. People need to just shut up and worry about their own bowl of menudo.

[@MarisaGutie]

I relate so much - I remember having a family member who, every time they saw me, asked if I knew Spanish yet… My mother felt it was “unnecessary” to teach us Spanish, and now I just have to live with the fallout of every cousin telling me, “You sound so white!” every time I try to pronounce anything in a Spanish way, or relate to their experiences. Even though I wouldn’t wish that same separation on anyone, I’m glad to know I’m not alone (especially in terms of being of fellow Mexican descent).

[@Tzedakah263]

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. My father was Mexican, but I'm very white. My mother urged me to learn Spanish, and I'm glad I did. I will say, because I'm so white, I've had people scold me for appropriating my own Mexican culture. Like, Día de Muertos, i'm told to stop whitewashing a culture that "isn't mine".

[@sarahwatts7152]

I'm a normal white person who learned Spanish just because, and it's a great language. Totally respect your reasons for not learning it though

[@MarisaGutie]

@sarahwatts7152 just want to say that the situation doesn't apply to you then, so I kinda don't see the point of your comment other than to say "I'm white and learned the language". This conversation is about diaspora, not about whether you embraced the language - it's about the disconnect we feel to our own culture. But way to involve yourself, I guess.

[@SirAgravaine]

So this is an interesting thing. My oldest nephew is born, raised, and living in India. Surrounded by Urdu speakers. He was sent to an English medium school. When I was last visiting, his grandfather made fun of his Urdu, saying he didn't know how to pronounce things right, and the poor boy got quiet. I was furious, but conceded to the "respect your elders" culture. Maybe he would know how to speak Urdu if you sent him to an Urdu medium school! Of course he's better with English!

[@hydragons]

"Respect the elders" don't exist without "showing mercy to the young". Both are in the same hadith. They go hand in hand. If I seen this in front of me I would have said the following: "The kid is young, have some mercy and you never know he might become better than you and start reciting poems in the language. Kiddo (or friend, depending on the age), use this moment and become better than them, the only way is up from here" I have said this ever since I was like 8 to 10 years old and still say it today and was told to respect the elders and I have said I seen elders and they have wisdom. They Made fun of us and then encouraged me & the kids to be better and taught us how. But people who only make fun are no elders and they have no mercy on the kids so they get no respect. Also the grandpa generation were all on my side, and approved of my message. It is always the middle aged generation that have the experience (fair enough, they are older than us) but lacks the wisdom. What made it more shocking for them is I was the quite kid who hangs out with the grandpa's and they wanted their kids to be like that. So why be shocked when I implement and act according to the grandpa's teaching and they are even more shocked when the grandpa's approve of my actions 🤔 Be merciful, be just so God would be merciful upon you on the day of judgement, that is truly wise for those who understand.

[@amberkumar4514]

My husband’s first language is Gujarati. He learned Hindi along the way. He went to an English medium school. He then went to a Marathi medium school. He also swears he knows Punjabi, although I’ve been with him for 7 years and I’ve never heard him speak Punjabi or translate it lol Your nephew will be fine. He’s much smarter because he knows both languages and he’ll continue to develop the languages simultaneously.

[@vatsalamolly]

I am not an immigrant, just an Indian living in India. But what you spoke about cultural erosion, especially in terms of language (as Mindy Kaling also mentioned) is in a way also something I think about. I grew up in a phadi household speaking a mix of Hindi and pahadi. My husband grew up in a Telugu household, speaking Telugu and Hindi. So at home we speak in Hindi to each other and that's what our kids are going to end up speaking. So I worry about them losing their pahadi and Telugu lingual roots. Plus in big cities, more and more people just speak in English to their kids, either cuz they want to or because the kids' schools ask them too. Edit: its not clear from my earlier post but my children are hypothetical lol. As in I worry about the future, when/if we have kids, will we be able to ensure that they learns these other languages, or how will we manage to do that etc.

[@thenabster2152]

Interesting

[@imdivyamenon]

I'm an indian millenial who grew with mix heritage (4 different parts of the Indian subcontinent including Pakistani)... I assure you there is hope to grow up to have a desire to retain and even learn about our roots. The best you could do as a parent is to nurture that curiosity and give access to the culture. I learned Malayali and Punjabi language in my 20s and started getting in touch with my roots later on in life but as they say - der aaye durust aaye

[@rehanatabassum532]

They speak in english in urban india to come across as cool ,upmarket and affluent . Speaking in their native language to your children is apparently downmarket now in

[@vatsalamolly]

@@rehanatabassum532 i know! I find that so infuriating!

[@NaveenKumar-ip6ff]

Mollie, there's a reason why not only in Bharat but in all cultures people prefer to marry within their own community. Because when they marry outside. The children do not completely carry the heritage of both. Ultimately one parents' culture will have more impact. We see this with The Jewish Population. Those married whithin the community Their Hebrew and Juduism Culture is alive. Those who didn't their decedents got absorbed by non-jewish Culture

[@DoomMetalPrincess451]

I've thought about this more and more the older I've become. I'm African diaspora, my mom was born and raised in East Africa, moved to the US in the late 80s and has been here ever since. I've been asked before why I don't speak Swahili or why I wasn't raised speaking the language (despite knowing a few words). I fully believe that by the time I was born, my mother, a dark-skinned black woman AND an immigrant, experienced such visceral racism in this country that she didn't want to teach me the language simply because it would reduce the amount of discrimination that I would face as I grew up here. She always taught me to understand my roots and be proud of where I came from, but it wasn't until recently that I realized the impact of that lack of knowledge. For what it's worth, no one in my family looks down on me for not knowing Swahili, but the fact that I don't is what prevents me from considering a trip to Kenya at some point.

[@laurahouser2350]

I think so many many families have this kind of experience, where NOT using a heritage language was a deliberate choice made by parents because of the racism they have experienced. And sometimes, it could also be a matter of internalized racism where the parent doesn't see the value in their own background and language.

[@jeredi3376]

@theapostleintriumph I come from the rwandese diaspora in Europe and I also don’t speak the language of my country’s roots, which is kinyarwanda. In fact my parents spoke to me in French, and so right now despite knowing a few words in kinyarwanda I’m afraid of the idea of going to Rwanda without speaking the language. All my life my cousins, aunts and my parents criticized me for being only French and only speaking French. That’s awful really 🤧

[@njagimwaniki4321]

They speak fluent English in Kenya. That should not stop you.

[@captainchaoscow]

That's a weak excuse. They speak English very well in Kenya. Probably because you are very proud to be Kenyan but then you will realize there that you are not a real Kenyan. Not born, never been, not speaking the language. But then arriving here in Africa and playing the rich American. It's gentrification.

[@XX-bn9sf]

To hear that as a German is strange. Because no German would tell their kids to be proud to be from Germany.

[@5my9other93half]

The Black community has this same issue. My family is African-American, but like Mindy Kaling I sound "white" and it has always given me a complex around my Black identity. Like, I want to be proud to be Black, proud of my Black skin, but I don't conform to "traditional" Black-American culture and just feel so out of place. I never feel "Black enough" when I'm around Black people and I feel even guiltier that some of my natural preferences for taste and culture more-so align with "White" culture. I'm 30yo now and I still can't fully reconcile all aspects of my identity into something I can be confident in because I feel shame about my apparent lack of Black-ness. This issue impacts so many people and no one seems to have come up with a solution as a way to move forward...

[@LonnieBhi]

Maybe this helps but stop putting your identity in who other people "think" you should be. This problem stems from insecurity & worrying about the validation of others for the sake of fitting in. As you get older, you realize a lot of this racial identity crap is pointless & you just stop caring about what other people think. Just do what makes you happy.

[@chikpea47]

@@LonnieBhi Thank You !!!

[@757CitiesReppa]

“Traditional” Black American culture meaning what? Black Americans have their own different ways of thinking and doing things in different parts of this country.

[@icejadechica]

Also, over time, immigrant communities often preserve a snapshot of the culture from when they left; adapted to fit their new environment: Italian American food, the german that the amish speak, family recipes that are no longer trendy in the old country etc.

[@Alias_Anybody]

It was surprisingly hard to explain to one American that Germany had like 6 massive cultural shifts since his family emigrated in the 1830s.

[@icejadechica]

@@Alias_Anybody That's wild. Not surprising, but odd.

[@tenbroeck1958]

@@Alias_Anybody It is also perhaps assuming that German-Americans would seek any acceptance or approval from the current people of Germany, as if that would be some badge of honor! Who are the modern Germanics: Apologetic Socialists who seem in perpetual shame for themselves, or Midwest American farmers who are stuck in the past and region their ancestors came from? Probably neither really. I'm from Northwest Germans, who were similar to the Dutch and the Danish, but I like stereotypical Bavarian/Black-Forrest cultural aspects from the Victorian era.

[@Alias_Anybody]

@@tenbroeck1958 Huh? Avantgarde philosophy, economic and social theories are a staple of German culture since at least 1700. It ultimately makes the culture adaptable when things change eventually. People emigrated both because they thought change was too slow and too quick. That's the weirdness of the US, you kinda get both.

[@automnejoy5308]

Just want to point this out... German culture is nowhere near as present in the US as it should be. I mean, it's the largest ancestry group in the US, but you won't hear German spoken anywhere outside of the Amish (who actually speak something very close to Old Swiss). WWI and WWII resulted in discrimination against German-Americans and shamed them away from passing down their language and culture to their children and grandchildren. Their descendants were pretty much fully Anglicized.

[@AliasEveWatches]

As an ethnic Chinese born (diaspora Chinese) and raised in the Philippines, I know there are things that I won't understand in the cultural/social/political aspects of Mainland China and it's best to approach things with humility, especially when talking to someone who is born and raised in China. In the same way, this si what I expect of diaspora Filipinos. It gets really cringey when they talk down on Filipinos about issues in the Philippines without experiencing the same struggles.

[@glorialeyva8227]

you get it

[@HiItsMe-ip8cj]

Exactly! And the audacity to talk about the Philippines culture in general towards foreign people and yet haven’t been there and experience it if what it is like🥴

[@LizApizaa]

Exactly. I really don't care if you have been 'Americanised' but what bothers me is that some try to overpower the native voices of their home country on native issues. That's really disrespectful.

[@KushQueen9]

I was born in the UK but I'm very much connected to my roots in South Sudan. My community grew up very close knit here and i learnt my mother tongue and i also travel back regularly and i honestly don't care about what anyone has to say about my journey. Our parents fled a war zone and most ended up in Australia, the US and few in Europe and then had to preserve their culture and roots. Ultimately they did an excellent job snd we had to navigate the rest. Im grateful i come from a culture that is rich and no matter where we are in the world, we remain grounded in that.

[@Lawarch]

Personally I don't know if Cultural Erosion is the best way to describe what's going as it merely highlights the loss instead of how the immigrant culture adapts and produces new cultural innovations. Where at the same time as something is loss another thing comes to take its place, producing something unique, and more local to the these new environments. Even when looking through history at the prevalence of South Asian immigrants in Africa, the Caribbean, the Pacific and now NA and Europe, there are communities that have been in these environments for hundreds of years and this has led them to the creation of new languages, foods, artworks, and religious movements that are authentic to these "new" homelands. Leading these cultures to be as different and unique from each other now, as they would be from the present culture back in South Asia. Which are at the same time also as innovative, and different from the cultures of their ancestors from hundreds of years ago. Even when looking at the Italian-Americans example they have very much produced a culture that is unique and at home in the US, and very very different from "traditional Italian culture", which is itself an abstraction as Italy is made up dozens of local cultures that are very different from each other. I think a lot of this identity crisis comes from a sense of wanting to belong to something greater, and keep traditions going, but what we choose to propagate is up to our generation to decide for ourselves. I think its important for us to come to terms with how we are all the products of cultures are always changing, and that they are not nor have they ever been static or simply expressed in one form. And I think there is a lot of hope in that, as it allows multiple forms of cultural expression to be seen as valid, as true, and as authentic as any other.

[@splash._]

Exactly. You put it perfectly. It's very unfair that immigrants are expected to be the flag bearers of their culture and have to prove their cultural purity, when culture is not a rigid thing and it something that constantly evolves and adapts. Even a lot of the native cultures are a result of many other migrant cultures assimilating if you go far back.

[@Yoyozworld19]

I’m Moroccan but I grew up in Canada . Growing up I spend a lot of time with my family and I spoke fluent Arabic. Most of my Moroccan friends didn’t speak Arabic as well as me and I was told it was lame and that I sound too much like our parents. I ended up stopping speaking Arabic and I kinda of lost my fluency. When I go back to Morocco in the summer, I’m treated like a foreigner and kind of like a dimwit. I essentially don’t fit in anywhere. I’m too Moroccan for Canadians and too Canadian for Moroccans.

[@sylwiaanna2423]

As a 1.5 generation Polish person living in the U.K. I can confirm that these things also happen in our community (obviously minus the coconut metaphor making sense)

[@aceatlasska4343]

Hey I'm also Polish descent raised in the UK! Does 1.5 mean one of your parents was Polish and moved here? I'm Polish on my mother's side, she was born and raised in Poland and moved to the UK in her adulthood. My father is Scottish.

[@hanab3758]

omg! i relate so badly to this one. as a first generation european with an arab dad, the struggle is real. Especially what you mentioned about the language! eventhough i had arabic classes for years, my arabic is really bad and i have trouble trying to speak it around my family bc they kind of make fun of me. i remember that one instance where i was trying to say hello to someone and made a pretty stupid mistake, only for my cousin to loudly announce it to the room. I knew she didn't want to be mean and that's a pretty common behaviour in my family but the pain and shame i felt from that mistake cut deep and i haven't tried that again for good reasons. I think there was also a constant imposter syndrom going on, as in me feeling like i was not arab enough and also, often like i didn't belong.

[@lefutur72]

Ouch, right into the childhood! Same here, not trying because I’ve been moked and it hurts me: it is just a freaking bad cycle and I have no clue how to get out of that adding the fast I went back to my parents country like twice in 20 years old 🫠🫠god help us

[@MC-fw5vt]

Aww that's crappy that your family didn't encourage you 😭

[@nurichbinhier2864]

Wow I really feel that! I have the same backround. My father never tried to teach me arab because according to him he would be a hypocrite by fleeing from one country and then embrace that culture in another one.. Eventually I tried to study arab by myself but it's so difficult and it's very hard to study a mostly spoken dialect on your own. Is your father northern african too?

[@hanab3758]

@@nurichbinhier2864 yep maghreb, algeria

[@fatisummer9106]

I actually put the blame on the parents especially the dads (talking ab arabs dads) they just too lazy in teaching their kids the language and the culture or make sure they visit home as much as possible , me and my sister with non-arab husbands , both our kids are good at Arabic and teach them Arabic since birth even before they speak my husband language (Chinese) but my brother who is married to French woman,his kids don't speak a word of Arabic and know nothing about the culture ,I scold him for that many times and ask him to pay more attention to his kids and try to speak to them in Arabic but all he say "they will learn naturally when they grow up" or "they are too young that will confused them" ,but he is just a lazy as* and wont bother with that, yes it's required efforts but that price we should pay as we choose to marry someone from a total different culture, not our kids

[@theresadyckman6274]

As a half Persian, brought up overseas,I met this lady from Iran who told me "oh it's so interesting that you as a foreigner are interested in our culture" i didnt know whether to laugh, cry, or be angry

[@zoyadean2884]

My mom moved to Canada when she was 7 so she basically grew up in the west. My dad moved to New Zealand after high school for university then moved to Canada. I grew up speaking English with my family 90% of the time and because of that I can barely speak Hindi. As a kid I didn’t think much of it but now that I’m an adult I feel kind of sad that I’m unable to pass my native tongue down to my future child/ren. The same goes for my husband who’s mixed, he never got to learn Tagalog or Arabic.

[@seabreeze1436]

Reading these comments make me feel sad that so many feel discouraged to connect with their own heritage languages. If you feel compelled to learn your mother tongue, then do it regardless of what people say. Forget them, you do it for yourself not for others. At the end of the day once you begin to learn more and evolve linguistically I bet you those same people who shamed you will be the ones giving you a compliment. Don’t guide what you want on the fickleness of others. I know it’s easier said than done, but remember you’re doing it for your own self, your heritage, your desire, not theirs. There are people on the same journey as you and people in your community who will encourage your learning and reconnection! You just have to look in the right places.

[@MarisaGutie]

Thank you for this comment - as odd as it sounds, it's exactly what I needed to read.

[@seabreeze1436]

@@MarisaGutie I’m glad it resonated with you. Best of luck!

[@minnielouise6748]

Preach❤

[@ДневникСамоучки-ы3д]

Here in Russia we are going through the same feelings, being the minority, as Caucasian living in the central Russia. I had been living in Moscow for 17 years, before I moved to another city. So, while living in Moscow I was receiving some comments such as you’re so nice, not like “your people” meaning Caucasian. That was very offensive. It’s a pity that the amount of people who don’t know their native Caucasian languages is growing while we are trying to adapt. I’m the one of them. I wish we could learn our own language being adults. Because when I don’t speak my own language, inside I feel empty, as if I don’t feel the ground. Thank you for the video Tazzy!❤

[@alisalman5917]

And i also hate how people use the word “caucasian” in an offensive manner or to describe all white people 🤦🏾‍♂️

[@remyredrum2439]

I don't like the idea that you owe anything to any culture, because of what you look like. We all get one life and I would never have the audacity to tell someone else that they have to spend it getting in touch with their roots, just like I would never tell them that they shouldn't. I do understand that culture is valuable, but I don't think it's worth guilting people into feeling like they are a disgrace if they don't practice it. Live your life the way YOU want it, in touch with your roots or not. Culture and language is like art, you can only enjoy it if you are interested, if it means something to YOU, otherwise it's just baggage.

[@dmystfy]

I agree but at the same time this is how white supremacy wins😭. There is no middle ground. You keep in touch with your roots or become a white person without white privilege

[@757CitiesReppa]

Now that is something

[@nunyabis89754]

As one of those godforsaken mixed kids who didn’t get any of the melanin my mom had, it’s… oddly reassuring to know that even if I had, I still wouldn’t have been “enough” for people. The standard always seems to be raised just high enough so it doesn’t include you, for some people. The most I can do is my best, I guess. I’m glad I saw this video. It helped me realize that.

[@__-mp7om]

What is your heritage if you don’t mind saying?

[@Itzzara4]

Same here so glad you mentioned this I am also mixed my mother is half Pakistani half English white and my dad is full Pakistani so even though I’m only quarter white and 3 quarters Pakistani I’m still classed as a “gori” or people think I’m a revert as I’m light skinned I know I will never be seen or classed as a Pakistani xxx

[@nunyabis89754]

@@__-mp7om Native/Irish. I got the native bone structure, but none of the melanin. Native people think I’m white, white people think I’m part East Asian. It’s a doozy. Indigenous identity is already complex enough. Some days it feels like being white passing really damned me in terms of being part of native culture. It feels like I’m a laughing stock, or one of those people who claim their great grandmother was a “Cherokee princess” or whatever. But, like it said, I think when you’re mixed, you’ll always fall short of some people’s standards.

[@всемпривет-и1щ]

this is weird and racist to Europeans, the wording. You’re saying your "godforbiden" for not having your mothers melanin. Also if your moms East Asian, no shit you wont get "melanin". Have you ever been to east Asia? They are just as white as Russians. They do tan easy (just like east Europe and south europe) but naturally white. It wasn’t until recently Asians were considered not white…

[@everythingisfine9988]

Lots of advantages though. Everybody tells you everything because they see something in you that they see in themselves.

[@emmatodd823]

There even more to language too!! My dad is Mexican and grew up speaking Spanish but I was never taught it. Now, I study it in college, I am not perfect but I can definitely speak it. It’s just another layer of “you should already know this”. I never spoke it growing up but I still feel like it’s something I lost

[@ugcbyanh]

THIS VIDEO WAS SO RELATABLE!!! Me being mixed, I was felt like I am not Pakistani enough but I personally feel Pakistani! I was always called cheeni growing up and ABCD from my Pakistani cousins.

[@e.k874]

I mean coconuts make fun of FOBS and FOBs make fun of coconuts it’s not just one sided it’s both BS

[@ikramkarim9281]

One thing I find interesting about people who judge coconuts, especially when considering religious values, is that some of these people have this duality within them of judgement and jealousy, because they want the same freedoms.

[@rimagun]

Bingooo

[@decoraqueena6413]

I don't know about religious values, but there is definitely a jealousy element to it. Just because it's your family, it doesn't mean they can't hate you.

[@Astrjd]

I'm a coconut and I'm proud of it

[@hananmohamed9302]

Thank you so much for this video. I have been feeling this my whole life, and to see it put into words by someone else is so, so reassuring. Another point I'd like to add is, the kids have to take so much heat from people, when they're just kids. How are they supposed to realize the extent of how much they're "missing out" on their culture and whatnot? It really is up to the parents as well if they want to preserve it. Usually, everyone ends up realizing it too late, I know I did, and I also know my family misses sharing the parts of our culture that I simply am just not familiar with anymore. Things can be learned and experienced yes, but as you said, it feels a lot more embarrassing when you're 'supposed' to already know this, people aren't as kind because you're still kind of a native. It's such a complicated place to be, and I've just learned to find comfort in others like me. They're not from the same country, but the general shared experience hits so deep that it really does bring us close together.

[@zaydsalam6065]

My family on both sides is Pakistani, but I don't really think of myself as such. I've never been there, I was never taught the language and the country has existed for less than 100 years anyway. My Dad and uncle have told me to learn the language, but they never made any effort to teach their kids, and they speak urdu with really thick London and Mancunian accents anyway. My mindset is rather than trying to preserve something that isn't useful, we hold onto what's good from our heritage and leave behind what isn't good or isn't useful. Also if you're language is really important to you, take the time to reach your kids.

[@scoobysnax8127]

Here’s another point: some of us grew up at time when educationalists said it’s harmful to teach kids more than one language at a time. So, if we are being taught in English at school, it would be confusing to speak the mother tongue at home. This was really a thing. The kids whose parents couldn’t speak English, or who persisted in speaking/teaching the mother tongue, won out in the long run.

[@august8094]

It’s still a thing. Here in South Korea they advice you to speak to the child only in Korean, even when not both of the parents are fluent in Korean! It’s crazy!

[@scoobysnax8127]

@@august8094 oh no. That’s such a shame. It’s been proven to be incorrect. It’s the ideal time for them to become multilingual.

[@prachijaiswal3784]

I find it weird that we want mindy to represent all of us, like, tbh alot of writers and actors put their insecurity and piece of their lives into the characters they build thats why their characters in different movies are the kind of same nothing to do with their ethnicity. Also, it would have hard for mindy to stay in touch with her Indian side she was literally born in the 70s traveling or being connected to her culture like us would have been hard for her

[@Aieshoo]

As a kid, I was "friends" with this Russian girl who insulted me for not speaking Urdu.

[@みゆき-s6g6x]

It's ok, it's highly likely her children won't either.

[@maryanne327]

As a pakistani born in one country and taken to pakistan and lived there for 20 years, it took that whole 20 years for people to stop talking about my 'urdu'. 20 years. And now i'm in the US and I'm not 'American' enough for desis even though I don't have an accent. I dunno. I don't think you can win on either side to be honest. There's a lot of judgement from both sides unfortunately :( * womp womp*

[@missusCIRQUE]

First of all, this is a thought-provoking video, so thank you for putting it out there. I'm not American, I'm an Asian who grew up and lived mostly in Asia, but did spend a fair amount of years in western countries as well. So (though unsolicited), I hope you don't mind me adding my two cents in here to the complexity of the situation. Generally speaking, in multiple Asian countries, Asian-American (of any type) are not considered someone of that nationality. (e.g. Korean-Americans not considered Koreans, Thai-American not considered Thai, etc.) unless they're a first-generation immigrant. I understand that makes things even worse for the diaspora community in the US. Being quietly (or sometimes loudly) rejected by both of the 'labels' in one's identity cannot be easy. But to try to put things in perspective - many 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. generation immigrant get their culture passed down from the 1st gen who made the move. Culture is constantly evolving (some regions faster than others). So often, the culture that was passed down came from a very specific point of time, and that same culture has since evolved in the countries/cities of origin. And I'm sure the culture that was brought over to the US too, had evolved in its own direction. (Basically like France and Quebec lol.) This creates a strange divide, where we often see (in American media) certain Asian cultures being presented a certain way and it genuinely almost feels like we're seeing a dramatized/kitsch parody of our own culture (often for the sake of novelty and comedy). And those sentiments unconsciously trickle down towards the people themselves. Hence the rather negative impression of the term 'coconut' and 'banana' in Asia. And I believe that might be why some people react by making fun of many Asian-Americans' attempts to speak their mother tongues, etc. I feel terrible for these generations caught in between. But please understand that even in Asia, we're only 'Asians' (or South Asians, or Chinese, or whatever) when there's a foreigner in the conversation. At any other time, we don't have that sort of a 'collective identity' truthfully. We all have our own cities, our own towns, our own schools, our own sub-ethnicities and dialects, our own socio-economic classes, our own xyz that mark our 'identity'. It appears that we only unite our identities to exclude other people. So as difficult as it may seem - please don't bother trying to 'be enough' for those who criticize. You never will be. If you want to learn the language and culture, that'll be great. If you don't, that's fine too. It's your life. Please live it the way you want.

[@caramazzola2399]

Italian people thinking they're poc is so cringe. I'm half Italian and my (100% Italian) brother tells me he feels "African in his heart." Like my dude, you are a whole European man. We do have Roma ancestry but we are by no means racialised as brown in contemporary society

[@none4530]

I feel this! For me when people say I am white washed or don't have the culture they don't realise why that is the case. Members of my family escaped persecution and when they arrived in Western countries that had to hide who they were and assimilate to get by, and they did not pass on all the traditions and culture because it was dangerous to do so. It is so frustrating feeling like I don't have the culture yet want it-- I am not rejecting my culture by being 'whitewashed,' I had no choice but now as an adult putting things together and trying to learn what I can. I recently had a funny moment when someone disclosed to me at a religious event that they had no idea what they were doing and wanted my help to guide them because I seemed like I knew what I was doing. It was a mix of shocking and validating, it marked that I had learned a lot and therefore seemed like someone who was knowledgable, but at the same time I was there feeling pretty lost myself. You are very correct when you say you can never be enough, there is always someone who is more X than you. Also just wanted to say I love the colour of your hijab :)

[@shaniakbar6197]

I think we passed these issues at least in the UK, my kids are 3rd generation born and raised from Pakistani immigrants whose grandparents arrived in the 1960’s. Me and my wife were born and raised in London, and now our 3 kids too. They have lost the language, we tried to speak Urdu and Punjabi with the kids, but that was not natural when me and the wife interact with each other. Now I do feel the language of our parents and grandparents is important but at the same time it’s not the most important part of our culture. The Islamic identity is way more important and that we work hard and strive to keep for our children. Losing a language is sad but no way close to losing your deen.

[@miyamae.miyamae]

@TazzyPhe the experience you are describing is widespread and I could see people relating to this from other experiences being mixed, or first and second generation from other parts of the world. Loved learning this term: Cultural Erosion. Thank you!

[@cassandraelliot7878]

As the daughter of an Italian immigrant, I went through a lot of the same from my family. I was called the "American niece."

[@tamarakosta3993]

I can definitely relate even though I'm from a different background to you. I'm from a Serbian family who moved to Melbourne, Australia when I was four. Not speaking Serbian is definitely looked down on in my community. While I do, I can barely read Cyrillic and this is something that makes me feel lesser than those who can read it, especially if they were born in Australia. Growing up in a multicultural country and city was great in a lot of ways and my parents did make an effort to immerse me in our culture. However, growing up where I did made it hard to see myself as Serb before Australian, since we're all perceived as Aussies by virtue of having grown up here, regardless of our cultural background. It's especially jarring to visit my family in Serbia and be told that I'm "basically Australian". I am, and I have an Aussie accent, but my face, family and my roots are still Serb. You did a really good job of fleshing out such a complex topic in a way that would be relatable to children of immigrants from a variety of backgrounds. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I'm glad that you covered it in such an insightful way.

[@Ruffles2012]

Nobody is Desi in America. You either get called a fob or a coconut. Just embrace who you are and let the haters hate!

[@H00o0DA1]

fob?

[@decoraqueena6413]

I'm glad someone spoke up about this topic because i thought i was the only one going through this. I grew up in a predominantly yt area in the UK with nearly no one with the same ethnic bg as me. Mix that with 6 hours of school and rahcism and English eventually became my mother tongue. After returning to my country, my family would give me endless grief on not being able to speak their language. Mind you, they never had any proper conversations with me and they never made the effort to teach me. All they did was mock, me, while they never considered what it was like to be in my shoes. Fast-forward a decade later, they're all trying to learn English and trying to dress and act westernized. It was then i realized, all their criticism had nothing to do with culture, but sheer, pure jealousy. We may not think of it that way, but in many countries, western culture is seen a prestigious. When an immigrant speaks English or acts like a "coconut", many people take it as putting on airs, they they'll try to take you down a notch by criticizing your language skills and lack of culture. My advice to anyone facing these problems is to not let these criticisms get to you and to be proud of who you are. Most of all, surround yourself with people that love you because they're the ones that'll love you no matter your language or culture.

[@avarose__]

Very interesting video. Cultures are continually evolving over time. It saddens me that so many often aren't able to understand this and instead attack those who are at a different point/stage of their cultural evolution. Someone born in Italy might look down on someone who lives in the US with an Italian heritage and see them as not being 'Italian' enough. That person doesn't have the sense to look back at their family tree and realise that a few generations before to see that their families were immigrants from a completely different culture. It surprises me that so many people are so quick to judge people from both inside and outside of their own culture. The world is a melting pot of cultures, and as long as we all respect each others' cultures and experiences of those cultures, we're good!

[@tfh5575]

i dont get why people compare themselves to white people like white people are not the only americans. like people could just say they’re american without saying they’re similar to white people

[@sadia5564]

true.

[@soulfoodsmama2980]

As the only daughter of two immigrant parents, I appreciate this message. I never heard the term “coconut” but if my dad knew about it he probably would have called me a coconut when I was growing up. I also feel you about having to practice your “mother” language. Thanks Taz 🖤

[@ashleyoasis7948]

Call a an ABC a coconut and trust me there blood will boiled so bad they rather be called the P# slur instead and u get punched

[@scoobysnax8127]

Yeah, laughing at us (even if they thought it was ‘cute’) when we tried to speak was a real bummer. We don’t laugh at people trying to speak English, but somehow, we are hilarious and to be put on show.

[@Mariamox]

Yeah it can be disheartening

[@mahamzahid7846]

I love that someone is talking about this! I’m born and raised in Pakistan but many of my family members have settled abroad, and I am also planning on studying abroad for a while (haven’t decided about settling for now), and these are genuine questions that I have to ask myself. Even the diaspora abroad is so varied and diverse that the experience of visiting family even in a different city is so different. Identity is definitely such a complicated thing in this day and age.

[@jaein7779]

Hello, my name is Jae. I immigrated to America in 1979 at the age of 6. So my parents insisted that I learn the English language and they facilitated this by only speak English to me at home when I was 6. To this day, my mom regrets making that decision and laments that my Korean has an amazing American accent and my Korean vocabulary is very limited; she actually introduces me to her friends as her "American" son. Funny, not kinda funny, but she's my mom. But you know what, I learned a long time ago in high school that I was never going to please people so I just decided to march to the beat of my own drummer. I won't lie, I grew up in San Jose, Ca surrounded by the children of Filipino, Chinese, Laotian, Cambodian and Vietnamese immigrants and we all went through this struggle together. It really helped being able to talk about this issue with my peers/friends.

[@thebitterprojector]

I am a first generation Basotho-American, and cultural erosion is REAL. Especially, being a Black American where my family aren't Black Americans is a striking contrast. People make assumptions of me based on what I look like, people assume my whole life history based on what I look like and I come from a people who were never slaves, but instead ghettoized to the extent where people use our governmental segregation system as a verb and adjective (apartheid). People also don't think twice about using the term apartheid to describe something that is not literally apartheid to me, even though they should have some semblance that I have personal feelings regarding the actual regime. I've literally had people who don't like their foods to touch call it "Plate Apartheid." I've literally heard the words, "oh, so you're not regular Black?" more times than I should. I also grew up in Orange County, Ca so my connection to Black American culture is received the same way cultural appropriating, vocal fry, wh-yte girls get it, through the media. But then I had a speech impairment and the speech therapist literally recommended we no longer speak two languages in the home so the muscles in my mouth could focus on English. So I don't speak enough Sesotho. My friends say I'm genetically Basotho, literally african-american, but mostly Filipino (they are Filipino). I've have written way too much, because cultural erosion is REAL.

[@faysoflife]

I'm so glad to hear your perspective. I've always wondered, but since I've never heard anyone from your diaspora complain about these things I just assumed they weren't a bother, but as a half Indian half Black person, I noticed them. It feels good to know that I'm / we're not the only one who feels this way.

[@jauzihalwa]

As a Hyderabadi, it’s worse when you come from a culture that is struggling to survive in our own homeland. Every departure from our Hyderabadi heritage feels like a disservice to not only our diaspora-selves, but even to our fellow Hyderabadis back home.

[@debodatta7398]

>As a Hyderabadi, it’s worse when you come from a culture that is struggling to survive in our own homeland. Every departure from our Hyderabadi heritage feels like a disservice to not only our diaspora-selves, but even to our fellow Hyderabadis back home. Hyderabad is the greatest city in India and one of the greatest in the world, our culture is not dying why are you spreading lies online to slander Hyderabad.

[@jauzihalwa]

​@@debodatta7398 Our culture is definitely struggling, just because Hyderabad has become an economic hub, doesn’t mean it’s native people are thriving. Very few kids learn Urdu in school, our economic situation is beyond terrible, and our current cultural scene is less than half of what it was before 1948.

[@VedJoshi..]

@@jauzihalwa tbh that happens to do with the fact that the Nizamate of Hyderabad is gone and replaced by democracy. The majority of Hyderabad actually happens to be Telugu speaking Hindus and the majority dominates in a democracy. Its still more than 40% Muslim, so Urdu language will thrive too. The bigger question for you is, why does Hyderabadi culture only limit to Urdu language? Shouldn't Hyderabadi culture inherently be a 50-50 mix of Urdu and Telugu? And besides, Indian Hindu and Muslim culture has a lot of overlap anyways. I do empathize with you though but I wonder if you are exaggerating about the "struggling to survive" part? I've seen amazing South Indian Muslim culture in Hyderabad and it did not feel like it was dying.

[@jauzihalwa]

@@VedJoshi.. 1. I'm unsure of how democracy or a lack thereof has any relevance to the question of the preservation of Hyderabadi Muslim culture. Perhaps my mention of 1948 is what made you say this? 2. Yes, the suburbs of Hyderabad are largely Telugu-speaking, due to immigration from Andhra. There is also a large North Indian population now in many parts of Hyderabad. But again, I'm unsure of how this relates to the question of the preservation of Hyderabadi Muslim culture. 3. Hyderabadi Muslims make up a majority in the core city of Hyderabad, and our children still do not have access to Urdu learning. This isn't a game of numbers. 4. 'Hyderabadi' here means Hyderabadi Muslim culture, as in the Hyderabadi ethnicity (a quick Wikipedia search can give you a brief introduction to our community). Telangana Telugus or Andhra Telugus are not ethnic Hyderabadis, in the same way Rishi Sunak, though the prime minister of the UK, is not ethnically English. 5. Hyderabadi culture is an Urdu-speaking culture, it is not a 50-50 mix of Urdu and Telugu culture. 6. Thank you for empathizing! Our culture is not dead, which is why you'll naturally see Hyderabadi culture in Hyderabad. That said, most South Asian ethnic groups can read and write in their mother tongue, this isn't the case for Hyderabadis. The vast majority of Hyderabadi children cannot read or write Urdu today. And this is just one of many ways in which our culture is struggling to survive.

[@VedJoshi..]

@@jauzihalwa thanks for taking time out. here are my responses bro: 1) democracy has a lot to do with culture because culturally influencing decisions, like what to teach in schools, how to plan cities, etc are made by elected officials. elected officials represent the makeup of their constituency (in this case Hyderabad), and since Hyderabad is approx 40% Urdu speaking South Indian Muslim, the political decisions will involve considering both the 40% Urdu and >50% Telugu speaking populations. During the time of the Nizam, even though Hyderabad was still a slightly majority Telugu Hindu city, it was dominated by Urdu South Indian Muslim culture because the leaders were not elected, they were kings (BTW the last Nizam was actually a great Indian, his actions in the 1950s speak volumes about him). Even in America, a democracy, you have areas with large Black culture like Atlanta, because even though White people might be wealthier in Atlanta, the Black people are the majority and their elected decision makers are mostly Black like Mayor Dickens. 2) I agree this one might not be directly related to preservation of culture, but what I think is happening is due to the demographics, there is a pressure to learn Telugu and Hindi instead of Urdu (though technically Urdu and Hindi are extremely similar, I'm Marathi and I can understand all three). I think you are probably referring to the Hyderabadi/Deccan dialect of Urdu. I understand this very well because this is what happened in Mumbai 100 years ago. It used to be a major cultural center of Marathi society (along with Nagpur and Pune), but today Mumbai is completely dominated by North Indians who speak Urdu and Hindi. Its very difficult/almost impossible to promote Marathi culture in Mumbai compared to Pune and Nagpur. 3) this is heartbreaking, and can you please give me some idea why the Hyderabadi Muslim elected leaders are not interested in improving this education situation? 4) in all honesty it seems the history of Hyderabadi Muslims is like the history of any sub-ethnic group in India. For example, there's Marathi Brahmins (which I'm familiar with) who like Hyderabadi Muslims did not marry outside of community but integrated vast parts of neighboring communities in their day to day life. So basically Hyderabadi Muslims are just like any other Indian community like Assamese Muslims, Sikh Jats, Tamil Brahmins, Kashmiri Pandits, Gujarati Jains, Parsis, etc. And every community in a democracy has to "fight" for survival, esp in such a internally diverse democracy. The best way to do this is produce highly educated and ambitious people who can represent your community in India. 5) This is contestable because Old City is where Hyderabadi Muslims dominate but there has always been a very large Telugu community in Hyderabad. Yes, the leaders before 1948 were Sultans and Nizams who were great proponents of Urdu language. But there was always a large Telugu presence in Hyderabad, and one could argue after transitioning to democracy, the historical Telugu society there naturally began to be seen too. 6) yes of course, India is nothing without all of its communities. Hyderabadi and Deccan Muslims are an integral part of India and need to continue thriving. Its unfortunate that when most Indians think of the important Urdu speaking communities of India, North Indians come to mind. Even when people think about Muslims of India, its mainly thought to be Pashtuns, North Indians and Bengalis, while South Indian and Maharashtrian Muslim cultures are often misunderstood. .... I do know that creation of Telangana was overall good for Urdu speakers in Hyderabad because Urdu is one of the 2 recognized official languages of Telangana.

[@banksy2870]

In India the main reason people look down on so called coconut people is because they seem fake and they seem to be pandering to the Western cultural norms. Now, it does not make sense to call desis born and raised in the western countries as coconut but, most Indians would consider those people who move to the West and within a few years change their language, accent, behaviour, etc. as coconut people.

[@sarahalic7357]

Im half palestinian and half pakistani. My parents spoke english at home so it was so difficult to fit in. Ive been called white washed because I and I quote "acted, looked and talked" like a white girl. at my old job I had a client told me you dont look like a sarah I was going to ask him how does a sarah look like. I went to school learning arabic and my dad never really spoken to urdu so i didnt learn the language. at school I was the only hijabi the only muslim and I got bullied so much for the food I would bring for lunch and for being hairy so I went though a period of hating my culture. through time I learned to love it.

[@Zenaidafromthemoon]

THE LANGUAGE THING OH MY GOD. I grew up Dutch Australian (and still am shockingly ☠️) and the absolute shame and shunning that our community would put on anyone who couldn’t speak Dutch perfectly. Many of us kids couldn’t speak Dutch but could understand and it was heartbreaking for the adults around us to insult our accents and our incorrect sentences instead of encouraging that. That’s honestly why so many people I knew grew up super Australianised despite our parents desperate attempts to make us be apart of the Dutch community. Personally my parents thought it was shameful to act “culturally” if you were white in Australia, my knowledge of my culture came exclusively from my opa, Dutch Australian events and literal research I had to do on it 😭

[@habeashumor9814]

brownfireball did a really good video about Mindy Kaling. The most valid criticism of her work, in my opinion, is that she seems to write only one type of Indian character. I'm still a big fan though.

[@giselle9192]

Another thing is that even your parents language becomes 'outdated' as well- like if they haven't gone back in such amount of years, they'll be speaking how people spoke back in the 80s or whatever, not the modern language. So eventually you grow up and don't sound like ppl ur age in the homeland cuz all ur vocab is stuck in the 80s from hearing ur parents...

[@hanamediocre]

same for me in the uk. known as a 'banana' = yellow on the outside, white on the inside. i am not asian enough nor white enough. and i'm expected to speak my mother tongue when my parents didn't speak to me enough/speak to me in the language for me to learn. it's embarrassing going back to my "home land" and not knowing how to speak the language. not really fitting in anywhere and always feeling out of place. also grew up with a lot of emotional neglect so i wasn't taught/don't know much of my culture or even my extended family who all live abroad

[@Cheesecake_mmm]

I can totally relate to this especially when it comes to being laughed at for my pronunciation of my mother tongue and for having more "western" interests or views. I'm less bothered by this now and take ownership of my unique identity and am proud of knowing another language despite never having lived in that country. As part of a diaspora community it's only natural to absorb the culture and language of your environment and not absorb elements of your parents' culture. Surely this is a historic phenomenon with immigration over millennia - with languages and cultures naturally evolving over time. It would be interesting to hear from a historian / sociologist/ anthropologist type person... Nevertheless I think it's good to preserve elements of our parents' culture that are positive, constructive and beautiful - for example, language learning, culture when it comes to serving guests and hospitality.

[@gloryhound]

I always feel embarrassed that I read Quran in English

[@30secondsflat]

At least you're reading it. We're all on our learning journeys. Don't feel ashamed.

[@ashleyoasis7948]

Why would a god for everyone pick one launguage

[@iq3990]

i feel like its important to also say that culture back in the homeland is always evolving as well. our parents values and traditions they they teach us while we are being brought up in the west could be considered "old fashioned" to our age-fellows who are brought up and raised in the homeland--especially in big cities (where we can see the most immediate effects of modernization and globalization). ive also personally noticed that a good majority of "cultural" diaspora kids have much much more conservative politics compared to our peers back home, so im not sure if there's something going on there lol

[@alisalman5917]

I relate to this video so so much. I’m a first gen irish sudanese. I’ve lived my first 10 years in ireland and the other 7 in Sudan. It has never been easy to fully integrate into your own culture when your own people reject you and call you a “foreigner” out of jealousy. Besides, people back home forget that bilingual people exist so of course my arabic will have some errors 🙄

[@ByrdieFae]

I. FEEL. YOU. In the black community, there is the same kind of stuff going on. There's even the term 'oreo'.

[@carmcal2871]

I love the topics you discuss.. they are so important for people from cultures across the US and the world.. but somehow I feel that you can dig deeper into these subjects... Maybe some of these questions will help: why do some people have this superiority complex about maintaining their "cultural purity" while other people internalize assimilation and feel a sense of shame around their cultural practices in the context of the larger society? How does this perspective change from generation to generation or for those who remained in the country of their ancestors? How can we preserve important cultural elements in globalized western society and in intercultural marriages? What does this look like in practice? In your own life? How can we nourish spiritual and communal roots in these practices and beliefs in ourselves and our children? How do we find the balance of engaging with the the norms of the society of our ancestors versus the norms of contemporary society? And on a personal note: What are the most important things you carry with you from your Pakistani roots and your US roots? How has this tension helped you grow or hindered your growth? What are the most difficult conflicts between these cultures for you to rectify? What aspects of yourself have you discovered from having both of these perspectives and what would you have lost or gained from having one or the other? What would you imagine being the most important lessons on this matter for you to convey to your children or your younger self? As I said, I love your videos and I think you have potential to get to some really crucial points about the internal conflicts of modern people if you search deeply within yourself and perhaps others close to you.

[@ktdoty9921]

I feel this a lot. My family is Chinese from Vietnamese, and I live in Asia right now. Sometimes when I speak Asian languages a lot, I get a little accent in English that goes away when I speak to other native speakers, but if they hear me they correct me. Then when I amaround Vietnamese people, I wasn't never taught Vietnamese at home, and learned it later on, so my Vietnamese is not the best. For a lot of Vietnamese people I am not Vietnamese enough. Then for Chinese people, sure I speak the language decently, but not enough, and then they get confused why I only know Vietnamese food. So I am never enough, between my Chinese Dialect, English, Vietnamese, and Mandarin Chinese, all of those languages, and tgen food knowledge/cultural knowledge. It is a mess 😅

[@id_emotion]

I'm sorry, but what even is Pakistani culture? Originally Indian, now heavily influenced by Islam and Arab culture, from language to dress and activities. The reason I feel so detached from my Pakistani heritage is because I don't even know how to identify with Pakistani culture. I'm not religious, and because of this, I feel a sense of ostracisation and rejection from my culture (outwardly I participate in Islamic activities ofc). The main thing separating India and Pakistan is religion, but if you're non-religious like me, where do you stand? I deeply yearn for a connection to my mother culture, but I feel unaccepted and disowned due to my lifestyle and spiritual beliefs. I'm also introverted and neurodivergent, and it can be exhausting having to code switch or speak multiple languages and try to appease multiple cultures. I don't see myself as anything anymore, just a young person living in a western country

[@gibememoni]

yes basically indians that are muslim and try to mimic arabs

[@sarahpepper6206]

Im mixed white/arab. I was pretty embraced by both sides - anyone can be arab, the qualifier is whether you like hummus - weirdly it was the other cultural groups that were weird about my mix. I was told, passionately and wholeheartedly, by a Pakistani woman that I wasn't allowed to be muslim because my mother is white. I'm not sure where in the Qur'an she got that info, I'm still waiting for the citation. I don't speak arabic though, and I wish I did purely because it would be easier to communicate with arabs and employability skyrockets (i live in the UAE). Other then that, I am allowed to just be myself. However much I involve myself in my english or arab culture doesn't take my ethnicity away. My face stays the same. I am permitted to simply chill.

[@marian8910]

Since having a child this is something I think about more and more. Unfortunately I don't speak Urdu well enough to pass it down to my son. We now live in Turkey where I don't have any relatives and there isn't a large Pakistani community so trying to teach him seems like a wasted effort. I'd rather teach him English and French which will be more useful for him. A Tajiki student I once met shared a local proverb: Let those who do not speak their mother tongue be poisoned by mother's milk. I do feel guilt for not trying to relearn Urdu but my language learning priorities are elsewhere. At least while living in Canada I had my parents, my siblings and a large Pakistani/desi community that would have helped reinforce part of the culture that I could not. However, being married to a Turk, living in Turkey and my son being half Turkish himself I'm daunted by the task of passing on not only the Pakistani culture but Canadian culture as well since I spent pretty much my entire life in Canada. Though I've never been accused of acting white I have been questioned as to why I don't act more like a desi person. I will try by best though. It is important to know your heritage.

[@kitty_s23456]

@maria - I still encourage you to teach your children Pakistani customs and/ or Urdu, if you can. I speak this as a child of mixed parentage - both Asian, but of different countries. I grew up in my dad's country and speak his language + English. My parents spoke English with each other. I don't speak my mom's language - only a few words & phrases. My mom didn't teach us (kids) her language since she was so busy working during my early childhood, plus she was learning more English herself so that she could communicate with the locals. She also thought it was more important for us to learn English to get ahead in school/ life. However, when we were young she often brought us to meet-ups/ events involving her countrymen (and women) and there were also lots of food/ eating. I've always been curious about my mom's country and have visited 4x as an adult. I didn't get to visit it during my childhood/ teen years due to money issues. I hope to visit it again soon - maybe next year. Your kids will grow up more Turkish (no doubt abt that), but you teaching them your culture will hopefully make them curious to learn about it when they're older.

[@elmexicano4091]

Long-time watcher, first-time commenter. I had a longer comment, but really it could be summarized as "you are what you are, and that's all that you are", to paraphrase Popeye. Some people might think you need to act a certain way because of your ancestry, but at the end of the day, who you are is a product of so many things, and you can't change that. Also, I wouldn't say the diaspora have no culture... they do, it just happens to be the culture of wherever they grew up. Mindy Kaling is an American born and raised in the US, so it really shouldn't be surprising that she acts/talks like an American woman... because she is one. Same with Lily Singh - I don't know what her personal connection to Punjab is, but at the end of the day, she's just a comedian from Scarborough. And that's OK.

[@na_dai]

I’ve lived in Canada for almost 20 years, I was 8 when I came here. In regards to cultural erosion, I’ve kind of seen the opposite. Now my family and I are Muslim and pretty proud of our history and heritage. When we visit, and each time we visit, the landscape and people “back home” have drastically changed. Everything from language to culture. While their language has become more anglicized, they’re going through a phase of the Islamic Revolution. While they seem more conservative, their practices and daily life have become slightly caricatured and…westernized. While I seem to present as “modernized” or “westernized” I present the same values, as if frozen in time, as in the past, our grandparents values. I’m still using archaic and cultural language. And when I dress up for events, while on theme, is either too Bollywood or too casually desi. I don’t understand. So my theory is when we leave our native countries, when preserve the best of our cultures as we see it and don’t evolve with the country. I’ll never be desi enough because I’m to modern or or archaic. I’m not Canadian enough because I pack a tiffin and with a thermos full of tea, and still use coconut oil in my hair daily, and so many other reasons. And let’s not start with the confusion of my lack of accent when presenting such proud cultural heritage on the daily.

[@usamax007]

That's also relatable from a fob's perspective. I've run into coconuts who found my English accent too desi or cringy and it dented my confidence 😂😂

[@marion.saturn]

I was born in Brazil and grew up in Germany. Fortunately, my mum teached me portuguese and always spoke to me in PT. I understand perfectly but my speaking isn't that good. My vocabulary is limited and I often feel stuck in conversations. I often don't know how to say what I want to say. That makes me scared to meet family members and I kind of refuse to go to Brazil.. I desperately want to connect to my roots but fear keeps me from taking action. Also, growing up I refused to speak portuguese when I was 10. I didn't see the importance of it as a child because everyone around me spoke german. Now I understand.

[@Dakhirah-vt8pi]

Girl this is so relatable 😭, except I have west African roots and live in Europe

[@lubnaabdulrehman4431]

its a whole lot worse when you live in the middle east your whole life , however will never be considered as a citizen. For example, my parents. their siblings , me and all my siblings were born and raised in a Middle Eastern country (not gonna say which one) , and we barely if ever go back to Pakistan. So neither do we belong here, nor do we belong there.Last time I visited Pakistan was 12 years ago (im 20 now) , and all the kids used to tell us we were Arabs and we should go back to where we came from :))). Nice .

[@MC-fw5vt]

Yup, that's a Middle East specialty. Keep the Desi's down in menial labour, don't give them citizenship no matter how hard they work.

[@Sunflowersarepretty]

Sameeeeeeeee. I was reading all the comments and came across yours. Not gonna be naming where I live in the middle east but your comment resonated with me. You've atleast been to Pakistan once. I've never been even once. We moved when I was only 6 months and my mom had my siblings here. My parents have visited once or twice but us never. In fact I dont even want to go back because our parents would often threaten us by saying that they will take us back there and its gonna much worse there. I don't belong in pakistan nor do I belong here. People who live else where have atleast adopted to that culture. They speak the languages. We dont. I have not been arabsized. We only live here to save some money, send it back home and then finally go back and I'm afraid of that time because I know I'm not gonna fit in. Oh and did I mention I'm 20 yrs old too. We cannot even settle here permanently. My grandparent's dad's side lived here and then settled back in pakistan. Then came the sons turn which is why we are here. Once our parents can no longer work here we will have to go back 🙁. I wish to live somewhere else.

[@lubnaabdulrehman4431]

@@Sunflowersarepretty yah its really unfortunate how we have to forever feel like we don't belong anywhere. the only good thing about the Middle East is that it protects your religion and we are raised by islamic way of tarbiyah both in schools and at home. Otherwise, there is really no point of being here except for the money I guess

[@00nigirimeshi]

What is the point of clinging to your "roots" if you have never lived in that country or seen it for vacation only. Its not your country, its the country of your parents. Its okay to preserve some of it but rhe truth of the matter is that Integration into your actual home country makes 100% more sense.

[@eavila7989]

I totally felt this. My parents are hispanic, Mexico and El Salvador respectively. growing up apparently I spoke and understood Spanish perfectly up until the age of 6ish when my teacher told my parents I was having a hard time getting by in class because I apparently did not understand what the teacher was saying as well as I should have I don't remember this but this is what my mom told me. so my teachers response was to have my parents only speak English around me and not to speak spanish to me too often and a result of that my English improved but I lost the ability to speak Spanish for the longest time. when I did try speaking it again just a few years later around the age of 8-9 I lost my accent and was was really terrible at it to the point where I could not trell me R'S and as a result I was made fun of a lot for the weird way I spoke Spanish by other hispanics, the end result was I stopped speaking Spanish all together for many years because of the bullying I got from other hispanic kids and now I feel like a fake hispanic when I try to speak my broken Spanish.

[@kyleflournoy7730]

I only know the struggles of the diaspora in relation to myself as a black man. so it is actually really interesting and insightful to see where the commonalities and differences are. We're all more alike than we think and I wish there was more focus on thay

[@onlyfoes]

Being "westernized" isn't too bad. The people from your parent's old country might make fun of you because you lack knowledge in their culture/language, but at the same time they would do literally anything to change places with you. In fact they envy you and you'll see that when getting older.

[@vickisigh2674]

the "relativity" factor is so real, depending on who you're comparing to your proximity to culture changes. it's quickly changing nature means that it's more subjective than it is objective.

[@suvisantini9712]

being half asian myself always put me in a spot where I wanted to be as assimilated into western culture as possible. Like speaking not just proper german but also the local dialect, embracing my white side etc. I used to think that it is a shame to not be fully something, either asian or white. Nowadays I am grateful that my mom taught me to speak and some cultural traditions. though when ever you walk through any east or even south east asian country like thailand, the moment you are not 100% asian people assume you are a foreigner and give you the benefit of a doubt when you don't know certain words or make grammar mistakes. I think ultimatly one has to decide where they live and what culture they preserve. My mom is half kasachstan and half thai/chinese, and though I know I am also partly from kasachstan, I have no idea about that culture. I do know more about thai traditions and language but I know pretty much nothing about the latter. It doesnt matter though, as the more mixed one gets the harder it becomes to preserve all cultures. I guess with more globalisation and mixing older cultures will diminish anyways and it will be less important. At the end of the day it matters where you feel home and to practise that culture where you are living at. My husband and I are not sure yet where we wanna live permently however in case we move to India, we will live and embrace his culture. In case we stay in the europe we will certainly focus western culture.

[@suvisantini9712]

also I think its really mean to call everything white washed. If one from a different culture grows up in a different country they moved there for a reason and certainly should have 90% -100% that culture attitude. This is what fe saved be during school, as I was 100% western in terms of attitude and people in the west didnt even notivce I was half asian. Whereas my turkish friends who even looked more western had huge issues as they couldn't speak the language properly, not even to start with the local dialect, they practised different religiouns, and just overall had a different attitude to the locals. Obviously they stuck out and had more issues than me who objectivly looked more exotic than them. I do have relatives in the US and I surly feel their attitude is american. That doesnt mean we can't relate its just obvious that they grew up there. People should embrace these differences in particular if you are lucky to have a family which is multicultural. Like I always wanted to be in a relationship with someone from a different cultural background than mine as it is enriching. When my husband tells me about Brahma and shiva, holi, vegetariansm etc than this is super interesting. How boring is it to be with someone who does the excat same things. Differences are what makes it interesting and love and understanding keeps you close to another as you have understanding that the other person was braught up in a way that differs frorm yours and together you find solutions, compromises and sometiems just accept that you have a different view on things.

[@minoerahyder1229]

People all over the world are prejudiced I am South African and also Indian decent and a whole lot of other spices 😂 Does ot really matter how we are made up Hell no...people will never change though Be you as nobody is more youer than you ❤❤

[@laurad1487]

Please don't stop being an outlier! All the best people are❤

[@reeba4824]

My family is from Puerto Rico but I was born and raised in America, so I get how you feel. But (luckily? 🤔🤔) I'm a very pale Puerto Rican so most ppl thought I was a white american. This definitely helped during the teen years, but as an adult I've been wanting to get more into my culture. But looking so different from the stereotype + not fully knowing the language discourages me sometimes. Ppl have stereotype'd me as a white girl and treated me in very strange ways cuz of that lol Still trying my best though! I love my background and want to proudly show it. 😊

[@1983jcheat]

This guy from NJ has a similar story. 🇵🇷

[@KushQueen9]

Lol Puerto Rican is not a race. This doesn't even make sense. Are you white or not?

[@NaveenKumar-ip6ff]

I had learnt that Soldiers of British Raj were adamant to no go overseas as it was perceived as loosing culture. And was one of the reasons for the "First War of Independence" in the Indian Subcontinent. You cannot expect the Dispora to learn their native language. This is the product of assimilation into that foreign land. It's one of the reasons I've seen many Indians refuse to go foreign lands as they believe their children will loose their culture.

[@hannahbananagonilda]

Thanks! This puts some words to feelings i had growing up as a half thai/norwegian, Who can barely speak thai. It was a struggle. I still think of that my thai heritage Will slowly be erased in my deacendants, because i am married to a Norwegian and im living in Norway, but that is just reality.

[@jasoninthea.m7471]

I'm Pakistani living in Pakistan, but idk Urdu well and I come from an English speaking Non-Muslim family. So I wonder if I lived abroad in like America, would I not come off as Pakistani to people, because I don't particularly act Pakistani? idk.

[@snowbird7254]

This might sound really weird but I appreciate the Italian tiktok video thrown in. When people talk about diaspora and the erasure of culture most of the time people seem to forget that white people in America literally went through too. Well at least it's never part of the discussion I guess, so it was nice to see that in your video! I would always ask my grandparents why we don't speak Norwegian or Finnish and the reason would always be because their parents were trying to assimilate to American culture ("back in the day everyone wanted to be American") and so the language wasn't passed down. (actually my grandma did know some Finnish from her mother...but that wasn't passed on to my dad unfortunately...)

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

You’re hilarious. Love your editing clips.😂 I have no idea why this came up on my feed… I’m half Asian but how does KZbin know this?🧐

[@tarawirsching8830]

As a third culture kid who grew up in Mexico with white US parents, I have had similar experiences where I don't feel culturally white, but at the same time my whiteness makes me not Latina enough.

[@jkiran417]

Facts. The differences in culture after assimilation has the to be the hardest esp when it comes to finding someone to love vs getting a classic arranged marriage to someone who is perfect on paper. My parents can’t seem to wrap their head that being in a loving interracial relationship is better than settling for an mediocre marriage with a brown person

[@sasuke.7251]

I'm stuck between this as well, but I think I'll go for some from ''back home'' in Pakistan. I was born and raised in the Netherlands and still reside here, I don't even want to marry a pakistani from here because I fear that my 'dutchieness' and another pakistani dutchi will not be able to give our kids enough of the Pakistani culture. I think in the coming generations even the passing down of urdu will be a massive struggle (which is already happening in UK, I've met Pakistanis from there who don't speak Urdu and it breaks my heart honestly but I'm glad they still feel Pakistani and mostly identify as British-Pakistanis)

[@princ3zzh33ra]

I grew up in Sugarland, a suburb of Houston and it's always been a double edged sword for me. I went to a high school with a lot of different types of desis, and I got made fun of by the ones that were considered "whitewashed" because I was too Desi (born and raised in the US but I grew up loving Bollywood) and around the other desis (who were considered "fobs" I was called white girl. I didn't really fit in anywhere and I still feel very out of place. It's just like you said, you can't be enough for anyone really. Sometimes I wonder if it was just a defense mechanism from those kids, because they just needed to pick on some of us to feel superior. Although it was always more brutal coming from the less Desi-fied kids because surprise surprise, the whiter you are, the higher your status is.😅

[@shavarinaicker6651]

As someone who is Indian in South Africa, since I didn’t grow up with much knowledge about my culture and also went to schools that had maybe one or two Indians. My last two years of high school I moved to a school with a lot of Durban Indians, Durban is the city with the most history and biggest population of Indians, and felt I wasn’t Indian enough and the people there def knew and I felt so out of place

[@katekursive1370]

Ngl that Italian beef tiktok was incredibly satisfying bc the og creator is so weirdly agressive about women

[@gracezaky1192]

i refuse to believe that acting like your surroundings is "cultural erosion." no friggin way. to assume that one's background, the culture of their families, is more important than the society they grew up in, is absolutely ridiculous. for some people that's fine, but they can't just claim that as a blanket statement and try to make it apply to all members of the diaspora. where you were raised (which you do not have any control over) will always take precedence. it's not even that i'm angry at people who blame immigrants for being disconnected from their culture, it's more that i'm disappointed in their lack of basic understanding of how culture works.

[@reubensalt5080]

Even in England my English accent is made fun of constantly because of how I've lived abroad my entire life and become "americanised." Or I get told I sound too posh when I try and fix my America twangs. Sometimes you just can't win!

[@allenmontrasio8962]

Ultimately, an individual's identity comes from their personal experience and life accomplishments, but for sure a part of your identity comes from the culture you grow up and are educated in. As a man of mixed Italian and British heritage, having been born and educated in Italy, I call myself Italian. That said, I can say that having been exposed to another culture since infancy has broadened my outlook. What I personally find jarring is Americans obsessing over their heritage - usually from three-four generations back - and calling themselves "x" nationality or ethnicity despite knowing very little of their ancestors' culture and what little they do know is possibly from a century ago. It's almost as if these people feel shame at being American.

[@jagriti0003]

Thank you for making this video, I have kids who I think will have the similar journey as you mentioned. Can you please explain more on how parent can help their kids in this journey? PS/warning: I will have a total fan girl moment if I bumped into you in Denver 😊

[@ladylina1211]

one of the most relevant points under this realm is the self hating types in the diaspora and an assimilation to whiteness. Personally, I have had to go out of my way to learn my dialect of Moroccan Arabic bc my parents accepted my English over the years but as an adult it is my responsibility to ensure my mixed kids know and feel just as Arab/African. Another completely different point is that due to colonialism, most cultures will never look the same and “erosion” is not a nice way of describing it (although I get what you mean) . One way I noticed was in my wedding, I married a non Moroccan and just the way celebrate religious and familial things are different but it doesn’t make it any less Moroccan etc. defo make more videos about this as it’s such a complex topic

[@amberkumar4514]

My husband is an Indian immigrant and he’s very western. When I met him, he had only been in the US for like 5 years, but he didn’t go to Desi events or have any ethnic wear. Besides language, he might as well have been American from birth. When he and I met, I was a big part of a Bollywood event company and had been dating within the community already, so I did participate in big cultural events. We now have a 2 year old and I’m really uncomfortable with the idea that he would be looked down upon for not being Indian enough. We’re trying to teach him to speak Gujarati, but he goes to an English speaking school and plays with English speaking kids. Even our Indian friends speak different Indian languages. We don’t have any Gujju family friends. He speaks Hindi socially, or our friends speak Assamese, Telugu, Tamil, Punjabi, or Marathi in their homes. It’s hard to teach our son to speak Gujarati (which is what my in-laws all speak at home). Also, it’s so nice that you made this video because the PRIMARY reason I don’t speak Hindi unless I have to is because I get heavily corrected (not in a helpful way) and everyone has to stop and look at me like I’m some circus animal or a magician. I’m embarrassed and uncomfortable. My confidence is 👎🏻

[@nmvwilliams]

My father is from Iran and my mom is from the US. Even before my parents got divorced, we weren’t raised with Persian traditions or American traditions. We were raised Shia Muslim with only the slightest hint of Persian culture. I lived in Iran for over a year and went to an international school that taught in both Farsi and English. Since I was never taught Farsi from my father, I had to take the English-taught classes. We (my siblings and I) were labeled “khareji,” which basically means foreign, but in a way that’s looked down on. I’ve never felt like I’m a “real” Persian because of the things that you mention in this video, and because of the way that members of my ethnic community have treated me.

[@gibememoni]

You are American, with some persian roots...

[@globalshift8382]

Eid Mubarak sister 🎉

[@fatimaabbasi2094]

If anyone is inclined to reading literature on diaspora, Enseng Ho has a really great paper on diaspora and why it’s almost necessary for cultural evolution

[@fatimaabbasi2094]

Basically he says that you can’t see systemic issues while you are in the system (in this case, the cultural systems), but the diaspora has a unique advantage in being able to see problems in their ancestral community bc they know the intricacies of the community but also have the outsider view

[@fatimaabbasi2094]

that’s to say, being part of a diaspora is not a net loss, it gives you the opportunity to fix systemic problems for the next generations for both your own and original societies

[@FearedByKittens]

@@fatimaabbasi2094 This is really fascinating. I often see Western Muslim diasporas calling out 'toxic [Unislamic] culture' of the Motherland. Maybe this is in effect,