Teach girls bravery, not perfection | Reshma Saujani

We're raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave, says Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code. Saujani has taken up the charge to socialize young girls to take risks and learn to program - two skills they need to move society forward. To truly innovate, we cannot leave behind half of our population, she says. "I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection."
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[@Real_Noah_is_me]

I am a high school student living in Korea. I happened to find your book in the library and cried while reading the introduction. And when I heard this story at TED, I found this video. Thank you very much. I've realized that I'm abusing myself too much in pursuit of perfection. I kept paying attention to my relationships, and I thought the reason why I was so low on my self-esteem was because I wasn't perfect, so I went overboard with myself every day. And I thought I'd be better by a little bit more perfect, but I realized I wasn't. I found life hard because I've been pursuing perfection. I changed my life. Thanks once again.

[@iamedyson]

That's beautiful!😥😊

[@gargipopere]

Wow

[@SabaFrida]

That’s a big issue in Korea. What I never understood was why? All koreans look beautiful and are smart and good. Why try to be perfect? They need God actually (I’m Muslim), I know they need God. They don’t need anything but God and vacation, they work too hard.

[@hamkaida]

@@SabaFrida I think Korea put a very high standard especially for women. hence with all that plastic surgery. I don't think the reason is about believe in god or not. It is more about how their society work and need to be change.

[@SabaFrida]

Wonder Mind why change if Allah made them born beautiful. Most of them are good as they are

[@leasa1567]

I never realized how so many of the things she spoke about were true about how I act

[@unknownuser7859]

Ikr! Same here

[@audinathanael]

same here i amazed of her speak Nb : Btw i boy

[@christyfrost2082]

how do you like this and im a boy

[@batoolfahad9447]

omg ! me too we do those things and we didn't even realize it . she opened my eyes ...

[@AshleyZieman]

OMG yes, me too

[@AndreasRudolph]

This is just beautiful. I'm going to teach my daughter (4 months old) to fail bravely everyday with her head held high. Thank you

[@persephone2002]

Honestly the world needs more dads like you. As a 18 year old girl who grew up with toxic masculinity from a dad who's mother still holds a strong hatred towards me because I'm a girl and not a boy, I can promise you that there are many girls who can only dream of this kind of empowerment.

[@schnitzelberry]

@@persephone2002 I'm a little bit younger than you. I go to an EXTREMELY Religious Conservative All girls private school. Here we are taught to be perfect. But perfect was something I never really understood. If we make one mistake then G-D will punish us. In my class, the other girls would literally cry over getting a 97% on a test! We are taught not to question the rules and why we follow them. So I will ask you, please STAY STRONG. I can't imagine another girl out there that's anything like my class. So PLEASE STAY STRONG! No matter what your father or mother say. 👧 💪

[@shelbzzz3705]

Andreas Rudolph, I truly hope your daughter grows up to be like her.

[@HR-yd5ib]

If it were not for this BS talk you would have taught your daughter that she is a failure if not everything she does turns into gold? Give me a break!

[@RDanJr]

Bro I thought the same thing , I thought I was teaching my 4 year old to be strong minded with perfection but I was actually doing it wrong , she can still be strong minded by trying and failing

[@shelbzzz3705]

I am a 5th grade 11 year old student. I cant tell you how much this changed me. I showed this to my best friends, family, even my teachers, and they all changed there act. Wow. This is amazing.

[@CoolioStuffz]

you are very mature for a 5th grader! probably sixth grade now but glad this change you!

[@jacqui2769]

I was 32 when I decided to go back to school to become a computer programmer! It was the bravest thing I have ever done. I was used to be being a perfectionists, who struggled with fear of failure. But, I knew I had to try and get out there. I have a daughter, and I wanted to teach her to never give up, to always learn, and to never be afraid to try. That lesson started with showing her how to start. It is a scary thing as a woman in tech. I feel as though the learning process and application of code is different between men and women. And the struggle is the communication gap on how to show that you do have the ability to process requests, but how do you have confidence to build it and show it!

[@NPStation]

This is one of the best TED talks I have seen. Reshma is so inspiring and leading the world towards a better place for girls. She is my role model and mentor. I met her this week at Library of Congress in Washington DC and had the honor of speaking to her in person. She shared some useful hints about life in general for girls and how we should be brave and doesnt matter if we are not perfect.

[@roidroid]

I used to code more when i was young, but lost interest as i grew up. Now i'm wondering if it's coz i was too perfectionist about it. Inspiring talk.

[@nahmatseif667]

Same😊;

[@roidroid]

+CnCIsDead nah i have to code occasionally still. i tend to put it off, and only do it when i have to. But if i think about it, i really did enjoy coding as a kid, i just tell myself thesedays that i don't have the time (too much hardware to build, ain't nobody got time for software).

[@xennoux]

+CnCIsDead that's one of the most inconsistent comments to write on internet...

[@remotelyrichcom]

It's all about the problems you need to solve.

[@malverysuh7786]

I used to play games a lot when I was young but as I grew up and started to lose interest-I’ve notice cuz guys were kinda weird when I told them I like video games or any of that sort of thing 🙃🙃🙃🙃it’s like being judges ten times worst, like wtf I just wanna play.

[@cheesetime]

I am 11 years old. Your talk inspired me to take a coding class. I’m now smarter and more confident. Thank you so much.

[@ayapaulhus]

It’s scary that I thought I was a confident woman, and yet I saw myself in many examples you have stated, where I put myself down. Eye-opener. For the better. Thank you.

[@roberthansen2008]

I am a blind guy and am held up to this ridicule of being perfect. I claim progress, not perfection. Bravery is better.

[@ummeaiman8058]

I'm gonna be a different girl from now on!!!!!!!!!! I'll be brave and ask questions to my teachers that I never have done before.!

[@itsritika3561]

More power to you!🤍..go for it..and you know what you will always got to learn.. no matter how many times you fail or win...🧿

[@MrNesscity]

What we should really take away from this talk are the basic principle that we should teach our children (male&female) not to strive for perfection, but for bravery, to accept that everybody makes mistakes, make them feel loved even when they do fail, encourage them to try harder or again, make things better or improve little by little. The expectation to be perfect to make that huge leap into the dark is scary. So maybe we should teach them to be brave, take little steps, until they are ready to make the leap and be "perfect" while they already were perfect with their imperfections.

[@vasudha1074]

True!

[@RosalieMaryRose]

Yes, but (most of) boys have already been taught that, so now the important is to teach girls

[@MrNesscity]

well there is always a new generation :) RosalieMaryRose

[@RosalieMaryRose]

+MrNesscity yes

[@thaoanne3307]

You don't have to worry about male's next generation. 'Cause they always have been taught that.

[@emilybchen]

It was surprising to see so many dislikes on this video--I think a lot of people are misinterpreting her point. This video is about encouraging women. While it may be seen as stereotypical to assume that all boys are raised to be brave, and all girls are raised to be perfectionist, the point she's trying to make is that within our culture there is much more pressure on women to be perfect: appearance-wise and in their work. Of course there are going to be exceptions. Of course there are girls who find it easier not to adhere to societal expectations--but there are not nearly enough girls like that. The speaker is saying that if we lift the expectation of perfection off of girls' shoulders, it will encourage more of them not to be scared. Last note: this talk is not 'anti-male'. (A confusing part of the talk was her using the word 'teach' when referring to social expectations.) The point is that we should start encouraging girls for the same things that boys have been encouraged for since the beginning. By no means did she advocate that we should discourage boys for anything, or that they don't struggle under expectations of their own.

[@emilybchen]

+DIVAD291 Yeah, I get what you're saying...and it's not a matter of competition, either. There's pressure to be perfect on both genders, just for different reasons.

[@DIVAD291]

Emily yes there is pressure to be perfect on both genders but women are barely scratching the surface of what men have to deal with. just because both deal with the same concept doesnt mean its equal.

[@emilybchen]

DIVAD291 I'm assuming you're a man? Just like how I will never experience what struggles men have to deal with, I doubt you will fully understand those of women. I think we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt here. Like I said, it's not a competition of who struggles more. The struggles of one group doesn't invalidate those of another group--they all need to be acknowledged.

[@DIVAD291]

Emily also i disagree that the struggle of one group doesnt invalidate the others...in the real world the solution to almost every problem is time and money and since women have been yelling the loudest for help they get it over men. we dont have infinite ressources and giving time and money to women really does mean you arent giving time and money to men and vice versa. at which point its very important to determine who needs help the most so it turns into a competition.

[@DIVAD291]

Emily also from an evolutionary perspective its fairly obvious that men are under more pressure to perform at basically everything that isnt looks.

[@evgeniya6586]

It was so inspiring! I am the girl who was raised to be perfect, and this is a huge problem for me. Sometimes I'm just so afraid of being not good enough. And I'd better not try at all(((. After your talk I started thinking that there'll never be a perfect moment, and I shouldn't be the perfect person. Thank you for this amazing information.

[@SharkWitchMeruna]

I bought her book because of this. I’m not super smart but I try. I am learning how to code and love learning how things work (even if I’m bad at math and my study habits are rusty). She is a true inspiration!

[@auroragloqueen4979]

I believe young girls are afraid to make errors due to criticism and a lack of self esteem. Teaching coding and computers to girls can help raise their self esteem, and they can feel just as intelligent as boys in this field.

[@snowpunk116]

As someone who teaches code and works as a professional programmer, I really appreciate this talk.

[@user-eq1pq1co2c]

This gave me a chance to think about how l was obsessed with perfection and how little it means, from now on l'll try even if l will fail cause l'm proud.

[@CM-bk3to]

This has changed and inspired me because I can identify. In my class there are more boys than girls, they always are who raise their hand when the teacher asks someone to read, even if they aren't fluid when doing so, they are the ones who ask silly questions and nobody complains; but when a girl fails or doesn't do something right they are the ones who laugh or mock us.

[@ameliadeering8843]

just because a talk isn't concerning the male gender doesn't mean its antimale. For God's sake, not everything has to be about you. I watched a different TED talk about refugees - I'm not one - but I don't get all pissy about it, because although it isn't about me, I can still learn from it.

[@dallymoo7816]

[@julieberney9435]

Amelia D you're right

[@user-jm5si9zo8n]

Thank god for this comment. What's wrong with the guys above? I got really shocked with that stupid comments.

[@unf3z4nt]

Amelia D Try replacing the words women, girls and females with their male counterparts....

[@Enrique-peralta]

How hard is it to put children instead of girls cause ppl are taking sides

[@planetmikusha5898]

Forget computer science -- teach young girls to study whatever they damn well please in university!

[@chavachan0727]

Why r yall so triggered she mentioned in the first 5 mins that boys r alrdy taught to be brave so why not girls as well? I dont see any conflict, I only see encouragement

[@manehbag732]

It just seems like society more and more is waiting to pounce on somebody for any little thing. It's horrible. Stop it yall!

[@HR-yd5ib]

If a lack of bravery prevents women from going into tech then why were they brave enough to enter fields like medicine or biology? Women have been encouraged to go into tech for the last 40 years but to no avail. Not because of bravery but because women are by a standard deviation more interested in people than in machines.

[@jey1834]

@@HR-yd5ib obviously because they are female dominated

[@HR-yd5ib]

@@jey1834 , there were no female MDs 120 years ago. Yet somehow women magically managed to move into that field.

[@nobody9621]

I felt lighter when i knew that i don't have to allow myself to being so perfect, and learned to getting used to accept mistakes. That realization managed to make myself doing what i love without any doubt, and work sincerely every day. But the hard part is to keep this mindset to stay for a long time, moreover i've been teached by my mom to be perfect at what i am doing since i was a kid, which something that makes me hard to change. And now i'm back again to watch these kind of videos and decided to make it as part of routine, so that it always remind me of how perfectionist i am. Sometimes i'm grateful to know that these kinds of videos exist on KZbin. Hope someday i can be a new better person without having to listening to these videos again.

[@Bassist10288]

I tell my baby girls they're beautiful, of course. But way more often I tell them are courageous and brave. Challenge them. Encourage them. Already my 4 year old is incredibly strong of spirit and I love that about her.

[@darkdefender6384]

I have a daughter I love more than anything. Thank you for this! life-changing!

[@retrouvaille3617]

Thank you, Reshma. This is moving and really inspirative. Wish I knew this sooner, but age 16 is still young enough!

[@sheew.9409]

I cried while I was watching the video. I am a girl from China. My life is always filled with unequal expectations for boys and girls. We are taught to do more and get less. I don't think this is what the world should like. No one teach me to be brave. I even don't know that we should be brave to have a better life. I am 28 years old now. I hope this year I can make a big progress and try something new that I always afraid of. Thanks for sharing this video.

[@sonatak304]

So true. There is such a discrepancy between what we are willing to accept from girls vs boys. Thanks for talking about this!

[@dv0008]

Love your message, Loving your book! Thank you for expressing it so well.

[@AngelieAcademy]

Totally watched this after reading her empowering book "Brave, Not Perfect"! Thanks for your bravery, Reshma!!

[@juliacamelo496]

thank you very much, i started to cry when i read the title. I'm Brazilian and throughout my life I've always tried to be perfect in everything, but especially in studies, I was always frustrated if I didn't get 10 and only 9, and I always envy the boys because they always managed to do whatever they want and people still are fine with that, but i could never make a single mistake. Or for example, when I entered a male-majority field like programming/engineering, I always thought I had to be the best or I would never be good enough at it and I should give it up. But now, I'm starting to think it's okay not to be perfect.

[@christinawang1031]

I showed my daughter and she said she was so inspired!

[@raisarainha6767]

This is great. Happy international women’s day, ladies! ❤️ we rock!

[@beatrizs3411]

This is exactly what I needed. Such a powerful speech, we indeed need more bravery in this world. I wish the best of success to Reshma and to Girls Who Code!

[@oxygen4leadership]

Wow, Reshma Saujani's TED Talk on "Teach Girls Bravery, Not Perfection" really struck a chord with me. 😮👏 It's eye-opening to think about how we tend to raise girls to strive for perfection while encouraging boys to be brave. Reshma makes a powerful point that we can't afford to leave behind half of our population when it comes to innovation. It's a call to action for all of us to support and empower young women to embrace imperfection and step out of their comfort zones. 💪🌟 So, let's take Reshma Saujani's words to heart and spread this message far and wide. Let's encourage every young woman we know to be comfortable with imperfection, to take risks, and to pursue their passions fearlessly. Let's embrace "PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION". Together, we can help create a world where bravery and innovation know no gender boundaries. 🌍🚀💜

[@MegaBeanandCheese]

This is wonderful - great talk! One of the figures was very relevant to me. For years, I've told people that before I act on something, I have "60 percent of my ducks in a row," then I go for it. All of my life, I have encouraged female friends to do the same instead of expecting themselves to be perfect, but so many of them have been discouraged and beaten-down by others' expectations that they have been scared to do it. My advice: If you've got 60 percent of what you need, move forward. You have enough knowledge to learn the rest as you go. :)

[@1103.7]

Esse vídeo é incrível! Todas nós somos imperfeitas, e nós temos que aprender a aceitar isso.

[@malucampos2329]

This hit me so hard, i just cried

[@loulicious5882]

My dad sent me this a year ago and it broke into tears and working on being brave and making him and mom proud. I hope I come back to this video one day

[@amaniyanssaneh8827]

Fantastic job, and incredible powerful speech. Thank you so much Ma’am

[@luve5369]

This talk impacted my life . My dream was to be a doctor , but I always thought I had to be perfect to even attempt to apply . After my Batchelor's I got a masers and even with my 3.9 GPA I didn't think I was good enough... I was not perfect . After watching this I started to take more risks, I changed the way I looked at life . So what if I don't make it ?? I thought . The worst thing is that I don't get in, but at least I tried . So finally applied for medical school, and yes I got in. I realized all I he to do was be courageous and know I did not need to be perfect, but just brave.

[@ardc4233]

This is so amazing. I felt this to my core, because I have done this. Thank you for this. No one is perfect we just need to be brave to fight for something and perservere

[@autumnrose444]

This video is in my liked videos playlist which I put on shuffle almost every day. This video came up tonight, one night before my first show ever. I've been playing music all my life but have just recently gained enough confidence to share with others. Thank you, Reshma and TED for publishing this talk and educating the people.

[@AradhnaKrishna]

Brilliant talk and absolutely true. I was a developer and just became a business analyst. Even though others call me brave, I went through the "perfection or bust" situation where rather than show my boss what I did, I deleted everything and asked him for help from scratch

[@lynnharper308]

I picked up your book at a used book sale at the library. I'm only a little bit into it but I love it. As a trans woman i struggle constantly with trying to be feminine enough. Im not brave at all, I pretend to be but I'm scared, especially now with my community being hated and falsely accused so much. Hopefully I'll be better by the time I finish your book 💙

[@Sylocat]

Don't read the comments, don't read the comments... *scrolls down* Why did I do that?

[@Miranox2]

Oh noes people disagreeing with muh feminism

[@stanleyguzman694]

+Miranox oh noes I don't want to see people bitching about the evil feeemalezzzz

[@stanleyguzman694]

+Miranox and essjaydubleyaaaz

[@g_glop]

+Rabbit Cube Don't post a comment, don't post a comment... *posts comment*

[@lucialvk]

felt exactly the same! what's going on with all the people commenting? where does all this feminist hate come from??

[@mohdaamir1552]

This is amazing..! It reminded me of many situations in my life where I was pressured of being perfect because I am a girl... According to them, I needed to be perfect because I was born in a society where women are only taken in attention when they are at the top...they needed me to do so to have a better life...and to an extent I even believed it..but after watching this, a lot of my perceptions have changed and I think I am ready with an answer if someone says the same statement again

[@jkotynek]

Thank you Reshma for this talk, and your book. I'm reading your book now with my daughter, who wants to get into Tech.

[@andresafernandes7585]

Me emocionei muito! É assim que me sinto e me senti por muitos anos, principalmente com relação a matemática, porque eu sempre achei que havia um problema comigo, mas agora com uma mente mais madura e com tantas referências, eu sigo mudando essa chave na minha cabeça e sigo construindo um novo repertório para a minha vida. Em um futuro próximo, me formarei em ciência da computação e também estarei mais segura para errar, tentar, acertar, errar de novo... Porque é dessa forma que aprendemos na vida e na programação. Vai ter mulher codando sim

[@garbrah180]

These comments are so sickening. the majority of women who realize their self worth and want to surpass the glass ceiling, this is an important video for them to watch. Being brave IS important in this society. having more females who are brave WILL increase productivity in our society

[@StigHelmer]

+Auj G Women have it much easier to be hired and to get promoted in stem field. That's why the expression glass elevator is more suitable.

[@garbrah180]

women don't have it easier that's just unbelievably inaccurate. we still have a lot to even out the playing field. for example, women are not paid the same wages as men in equal job positions..

[@StigHelmer]

Auj G Really, the wage gap myth? If women do the same job and for the same time they are payed equally. Been like that since the 1960s.

[@garbrah180]

thats not true. it's still an on going concern that here in Canada the Prime Minister is working on. Programs like this that this Ted talk was mentioning is so essential for girls to know that they can do more. because at a young age we do believe that we have an expectation. it's breaking the chain

[@lockandloadlikehell]

@@garbrah180 What job pays a woman less for the same position?

[@iona447]

I want to stand up one day and speak to people about world issues like the strong woman in this video! That's my dream...

[@Studypharmaa]

Everyone needs to hear this! This is such a motivational talk.

[@Shaoween232]

Why are there so many dislikes for this video and why are so many comments about feminism? This video is not about feminism at all. There's no "women's rights" being discussed here. This video is more of a message to young girls and women and it's not about gender inequality. In fact, the speaker very clearly established equality in that women are just as capable as men. It's not always about feminism when someone draws a comparison between men and women.

[@ivanelizalde1871]

It really isn't In fact I would say this video is anti feminism and feminists should watch it and try to change the way girls are being raised rather than claim that women are loosing out on jobs because of sexism.

[@jo_sco]

I didn't realize how true this is until now... Damn

[@pigpower1189]

Joanna Scott what specifically?

[@jo_sco]

Pig Power the parts about just trying to get it perfect the first time and the part about applying for jobs where i don't meet 100% of the qualifications. I thought it was normal

[@pigpower1189]

Joanna Scott i am a male and also try to get stuff right the first time but i can not yet comment on jobs, i am too young.

[@sarahranjbarian9587]

Wow I never heard the story of women and girls in this way. She was compassionate, courageous and innovative at the same time so I really appreciate this talk.😃

[@anar5085]

I am so glad i ran into this video this morning. Great way to start my day on International Women's Day.

[@haneenalsulami5626]

Thank you so much for this beautiful speech i am from Saudi arabia , you don't know how much we hurting every day by telling us that we are so weak and we are just half of the man and we have to grow just to get married and have kids then die !! 💔

[@hannanehpourrashid6926]

I am from Iran. But I wanna think differently and I am trying so! Keep going deer

[@buzhichun]

The sun shines. Birds fly. Flowers bloom. A TED video about women or minorities has a comment section raging about how "SJWs"/"feminazis"/ are destroying TED and/or the world.

[@toriwolf5978]

Some one just gave me her book wow that’s why I ended up here💖💖💖💖so much in it I see of myself tired of being afraid and hiding from everything always putting me last living my life by other opinions of others !! It’s now time for me to take back my life and be brave💖💖💖💖

[@maureenwm]

This is so true, I struggle with being brave in the workplace while my male colleagues take risks easily and so they get promotions faster.

[@Augustchica814]

This video was spot when it comes to my life. I can't speak for every girl, but I have felt this way growing up. I would drop classes or get turned off by things because I failed on the first try. I had to learn how to stick with it and take risks on my own; I didn't have anyone teach me.

[@MrDivinity22]

I mean I do get what you are saying but does "trying harder" really imply "taking risks" (and therefore being brave) necessarily (or even mostly)?

[@MrDivinity22]

well let me add to this by saying that I do support teaching (some) kids to be braver, but it shouldn't be only girls. there are enough boys who could use some of that too. What my previous question was meant to say is that being brave and stupid risk-taking are 2 completely different things and I hope people don't take her first story as a good example. If all the experts tell you not to do something, you probably shouldn't do it just because you are/ want to be brave.

[@lalalalera]

Thanks to Ted Talks for uploading more feminist videos like this. The true meaning of feminism, equality. Some people should look up the definition in a dictionary. All the negative comments and dislikes only reinforces what she said and tells you something about the Internet, I ignore them. Will definitely be sharing this with my family and will strive to raise strong, brave women in the future. Looking forward to more inspirational talks both incorporating feminism/equality and other topics. From my experience as a woman this was spot on. Thanks!

[@imskiller99]

Keep drinking your koolaid my dear

[@CrevanEmbrust]

+LeraLera I bet the view looks great from where you sit.

[@sawmyathakur336]

Thank you so much. I appreciate your work and you have build a confidence in me.

[@Kadulikan]

I'm afraid to raise my hand. "I don't want to be wrong." Ah yes, because males are completely exempt from fearing failure and peer pressure. Maybe it's because I didn't grow up in the 80's, but for me people have always expected perfection. I remember my father asking me why I was making B's instead of A's when I was 8 years old.

[@juliakl8957]

You're amazing. Really. I think there're a lot of stories like my...I entered the university. I studied some programming languages from Pascal to Java...So... my group consists mostly from the boys. Some teachers said to me I copied with the tasks. But when I saw that my groupmates did the tasks mych more faster then me...I began to lose my confidence. I thought that problem is in me, in my mind...now I work as a qa :( maybe some years ago your would helped me and in that moment I was needed your speech

[@MichelleJKwan]

Incredibly important work indeed!

[@terezaferreira7058]

One of my favourite TED talks!! :)

[@padraigsd]

She says she doesn't want girls to strive to be perfect yet at the end of the talk she said "women own the internet." Now what is interesting is taht she come to the conclusion because women shop more and use social media more yet they do both those things more in part because they want to be perfect. But when it is something that fits her narrative she is okay with it. If what it takes for her to say "women and only women own the internet" is that we (women) strive to be perfect it is okay although I just gave a talk about how it is bad.

[@theworldeatswithyou]

This isn't even about feminism and people are already losing their minds.

[@chris-tx2sw]

Yes yes it is

[@SpacemanXC]

+Muzik30 She didn't say it directly. But claiming the results of those tests are dictated by social conditioning rather than biological dimorphism, is absolute feminist/sjw horseshit. Give those girls testosterone, then run the same tests. Lets see if everyone is willing to applaud her unsubstantiated claims again.

[@TheGerogero]

+Karlo Schallibaum You are a remarkably oblivious unicorn.

[@chris-tx2sw]

***** sorry did i trigger you

[@oontgrad]

+SpaceManDawn And you are saying it is all biological dimorphism and nothing to do with social conditioning. Can't it be both? How do you know social conditioning has nothing to do with it?

[@tacos6977]

I teared up. Amazing

[@fazlazawadularabi6510]

Couldn't agree more. Hands down the best Tedx Talk I've heard till now! Will teach the women around me to be brave rather than be perfect.

[@YT-pg2gd]

Such an eloquent description of some of the societal barriers that prevent women flourishing. Thank you for a great and inspiring talk. However, I do wish that helping others to achieve their full potential might one day be discussed in a way that highlights their inherent right to do so, and inherent value, rather than for economic gains.

[@refiloendlovu6518]

I wish i could dislike all the dislikes personally. They're so close-mimded! And mostly men😑 She's not saying every single thought process of a girl is perfection over risk. She's saying, we limit ourselves *sometimes* because perfection should be the only possible outcomes and if not then we sometimes throw in the towel. I grew up climbing walls, trees, running too hard or rough, but I wasn't necessarily boyish or something. I was quite girly actually. So obviously when she says boys jump from high head first, I didn't relate. But Ted talks aren't about relating to 100% of a speech. They're about finding the aspect where you need self improvement and tweeking it in you!!! I did coding in my first year. I hated it so much and I honestly didn't even do a project that contributed to 25% of my final mark. I didn't even try. And sometimes I got somethings right and surprised myself but most of the time I'd rather not. Now that I think about it. I was just like the girl who showed nothing, except clicking undo on my attempts wouldn't even reveal anything. The fear that I wouldn't get it right scared me more than trying. And the guys around me and maybe one or two girls actually had the courage to ask where the code may have went wrong. I feared doing so because I didn't want the teacher to be surprised by my imperfections I guess... Don't fucking tell me about biology because if that were the case, then men would take risks 100% of the time and women would play it safe 100% of the time. And that's not so, the potential is there! I REALLY like this talk!!!! There is some truth to this. Not 100% accuracy but there is some truth to this. You guys have cluttered the comments section!!!! 👎

[@lillyarthur101]

This is an amazing message!

[@starlightzz1480]

Wow she is Amazing God bless her. And this is to all women who multi task and try to do it all, fail but still get up and try again.

[@Mikelafication]

She speaks the truth. As a young woman in STEM, I find myself trying to be perfect instead of taking risks despite my imperfections.

[@naradineben6821]

i just love this woman!

[@maggiex991]

I loved the comparison with boys asking someone out on a date! I live in Italy and here (but I heard that in other countries is not the same) it’s pretty common opinion that it should be only boys (man) job, and if a girl tells that the asked a guy out many people will be really surprised about how “brave” (maybe not in a good way) she is... and if she gets a refusal, she will be seen really more like a loser that if a guy did... I heard many times the sentence “if a guy gets a refusal, never mind, but if it’s girl, that’s very bad” ... of course it’s a different topic than women pursuing jobs in STEM, but I believe there is a common way of thinking

[@gina9561]

I'm glad to see this speech!! It's really inspirative because I really afraid of not being perfection, afraid of making mistakes. Thank you!

[@debdras]

Ladies and gentlemen, this talk is not exhaustive, but it is valid. Just because it does not cover all the sides of gender issues in society (which are probably too many to cover in one TED talk), it does not mean it is lying. I see myself 100% on the girls she describes, exactly as she describes them, and therefore I believe she has a point. There are many like me, and all of the others ones I can think of that suffered the same issues are overprotected straight As girls. People are people, and men and women share similar issues in many, many cases. I am sure there's tons of boys going through similar issues! I know it. We are people. The trend she describes, however, is true in my personal experience. Anybody getting As all the time does not perfectly equal success later on in life, and many times it is the people that fail terribly at school that learn from failure and move on to greener pastures in adulthood. That doesn't mean other examples aren't real. That doesn't mean other realities aren't valid. Just because she isn't covering every side and detail doesn't mean she should shut up. She didn't reach her conclusions out of the blue. I am proof of that, sadly, and so are the boys and girls she speaks of in the video. In order for us to get a good grasp of reality we are going to need much more viewpoints, experts, and examples. Before you conclude she is biased, listen to her. Just listen. You don't have to agree. Please, listen.

[@aysetasdemir98]

I really liked this video and the ideas she had to share, and it's not about bashing men, she talks about raising our girls just as we do our boys, so it's about equal treatment! This woman has some great ideas to share and if you don't like them, fine you don't have to agree but it's very rude to say it's bullshit. Be respectfull!

[@Spazzboy911]

" she talks about raising our girls just as we do our boys" bullshit, boys re falling behind academically. women are outperforming men in university and earning more (worthless) degrees.

[@good104]

Men and women are not same, nor are they equal. They never were, and they won't ever be. God (or nature) created us like this. Accept it and continue to live without disturbing the nature. Else, the future could be devastating.

[@jacqulinemushi5849]

Very true i wonder how people judge it negatively..

[@aryakalantri5274]

I very much agree

[@itsTERIYAKI]

I can relate to not participating by asking questions in class, I never want to feel like I'm the only one not understanding what's going on

[@meganruffle3164]

Agreed.

[@mcpielover]

+Terri Calhoun Me too.

[@padraigsd]

+Terri Calhoun 'Girls get better grades in everything" Thats not the problem the problem is that according to her girls are taught to be "perfect" whatever that means.

[@itsTERIYAKI]

+padraigsd i never said i agree with everything she says and its not the same for every person. But for me personally asking questions was something i struggled with in school. But from what ive noticed growing up guys were not as pushed to have the best grades generally. A girl i knew got a B on an assignment and damn near cried.

[@ADUSEI6111]

+Terri Calhoun U do realize that a human thing right, its not a gender thing, some ppl are jus shy or they don't want 2 be viewed a unintelligent

[@arunapandey1545]

a very inspiring and unique and awesome speech.....thank u ted x

[@charleneraney9579]

Wonderfully said ! True insight to a worldwide problem .

[@UltraRik]

I am male and I can relate to 99% of what she said about girls

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

"Trying hard is not going to fix a broken aystem"

[@missl3982]

This is so me I really need to start being brave and not always striving for perfection

[@napiltree5917]

Your book really gravitated to me. I really want to be a microbiologist. However, I have little raw talent in anything not related to art, so I often contemplate, “How am I going to start? I want to get a microscope, but what if I end up being disinterested in the field later on? Will it have been a waste of money? What if I’m not good enough?” Raw talent is great, but even with that, diligence and persistence is the key to achieving anything. Sadly, I often forget this. I’m a perfectionist, so your speech was painfully relatable. I never realized how girls are told to take less risks and stay comfortable until reading your book. Because of those subconscious ideas planted into most minds for centuries, many, including me, are afraid to fail. I want to protest for global issues like the Uighur concentration camps and the Arctic Crisis with others, but I feel scared to slip my words and weaken the cause. Basically, I’m afraid to educate myself, which is quite contradicting to what I want to do. I’m really trying to overcome these thoughts by collaborating with my classmates on making a social media page for encouraging nonviolent protesting and doing activism using art(we’re still in the process of establishing everything). Thank you for helping me come to this realization.

[@Magicstuffandthings]

The comments on pretty much every Ted talk on social issues and/or talks by women consistently make me sad and reaffirm my belief we still need these talks.

[@DeconvertedMan]

+Magicstuffandthings Is reaffirming beliefs are better then finding truth?

[@Magicstuffandthings]

No just dismissive and unnecessary opinion (which is not to say that opinions and especially contradictory opinions are unnecessary just that are unfounded, possibly offensive in order to shut down discussion of real issues to 'protect' themselves and the social system which has served them well mostly) in response to actual lived experiences of people passionate and informed in the area. But yeah I don't feel like I'm gonna learn any great saddening truth from youtube comments only angry people that make me sad.

[@DeconvertedMan]

Magicstuffandthings Try learning informal logic - it has helped me a great deal.

[@Magicstuffandthings]

Informal logic?

[@DeconvertedMan]

Magicstuffandthings Yes. I'd recommend: Informal logic a pragmatic approach by Douglas Walton

[@thehogan911]

3 views and 20 dislikes... that's quite an achievement TED.

[@thgirl1856]

BEAUTIFUL.. THANK YOU, I'LL REMEMBER AND TELL THEM WHO NEEDS TO KNOW THIS. THANKS ONCE AGAIN.

[@Rookie_Rockounding]

This is such a massive generalisation. Gender plays no role in how confident persistent or brave children are. I work with children and in class the lack of bravery is evenly spread between both boys and girls. It should be that we need all children to be brave, by building a growth mindset for both genders. Not just boys or girls.

[@mexicanburrito2979]

I was taught as a catholic boy that homosexuality was wrong. Yet, with my own brain, I believed that everyone had the right to love whoever they wanted to. People have the ability to choose their own way, even if someone has pushed them towards another. How are you suppose to raise "brave" girls if you are going to hold their hand through everything?

[@TheLivirus]

+MexicanBurrito Let's not pretend it's either one or the other. We are both shaped by our social environment to a large extent but we are also reasoning individuals. However naturally if we want to promote a social change we cannot wait around for individuals to spontaneously change themselves. Also, the idea that everyone has the right to love whoever they want to love is not original and I find it unlikely that you arrived at this conclusion independently but were probably influenced by other sources than the Catholic Church.

[@cranstonsmandible4984]

She is a brave, smart woman who inspires me to be a brave and smart woman. =)

[@AvgJane19]

Bender Doblador Rodriguez all those things happen graduate of how society treats them, not some internal misgivings

[@saytax]

bj0rn social environment? You mean human evolution and a natural order and dichotomy of the gender roles that's been evident since the dawning of society?

[@user-sf7qz5kg3b]

when using the argument of ''love is love'', homosexuality becomes an easy target for *incest* comparison

[@celesteshea3100]

Love this talk!

[@HelenaBlack80]

This is absolutely spot-on.

[@aradda555]

This is traffic lecture. You're great speaker. so inspiring. This patriarchy society need to fix this. They need to fix producing images of women being standing behind men. protected by men, supporting men to success. This is done in this generation. This is done!

[@sophb8302]

This was fantastic!

[@schnitzelberry]

Wow. This is something EVERY girl in EVERY nation needs to see! I am in 8th grade. I go to an EXTREMELY Religious Conservative All girls school. Here we are literally taught "To be perfect". Break a rule and we're out. Don't question the rules or why we follow them. And to be seen, not heard. Perfection is key.. But I can't understand perfection. No matter how hard we try, it won't work. Why? Because *"Perfection"* isn't real! It's something we made up just to compete with others and make ourselves feel accepted. But I REFUSE to be one of those "girls" that will cry over getting a 97% on a test! In my school, most of us don't have access to the internet. But your message needs to be heard EVERYWHERE! Even in my perfect school. Please help out privatized schools too. We barely get any attention from the city and our mayor. And our community's situation is getting out of control. Thank you for being you. ✌ 👧 💪

[@yani4349]

I have her book "Girls Who Code". I love her.

[@myvoicewithcrystal9212]

How inspiring, deeply touched by the heavy truth💡