Teachers, what's the worst thing you've had to confiscate?

[@DavidFMayerPhD]

When I was a kid, ALL the boys carried pocket knives, and NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED because of the knives. The worst was the carving of initials in desks.

[@arcanegale285]

in my elementary school pretty much every boy's initials were carved into a piece of either furniture or walls, often multiples it was kind of a rite of passage, like "this school will remember me" and well, mine still stands on the walls on the outside of the school where we have gym class during warmer weather

[@JasonAizatoZemeckis]

Yeah, that happens all the times with kids who are trained with hunting and guns too, but i want to know what happened that didnt include the knives

[@mamakevgaming7093]

Right. I remember my principal borrowing my knife to peel and cut fruit during our ag fruit sales. Never an issue. Always carried one and even when I’d get into fights knives not a big deal.

[@kaidanariko]

Are you Genx or boomer. Because with that survivor bias it has to be one of them.

[@annasstorybox7906]

Exactly what my grandpa told me and what was the case for after school freetime during my dad's childhood. Everyone had a knife. Mostly boyscout fixed blade types... People carved, used them as tools to open, cut and peel things or they did some knife throwing. Obviously they got into arguments but knifes stayed in their sheathes all the time even when argument ls became shoving matches or the one or the other punsh were exchanged. No one ever drew their knife in anger and even the fistfights ended without real injuries and a fair acceptance of winner and looser. Yes, it definitely happened that someone accidentally cut themselves but it was always known that it's not the knives fault but rather misfortune or a lack of caution. They all grew into responsible, mature and social adults fir to be an active part of society.

[@lolilya7938]

first one is kinda serving justice i think, i mean imagine not being allowed to have a BOX in class of all the random things

[@BunnyBeau_]

Still salty about this one: back in 6/7th grade I went out hunting partridge with my dad. He let me shoot his .22 and then i grabbed the shells off the ground just so i wasn't littering and such. I stuck them in the same hoodie that i wore to school the following monday. at recess i pulled them out of my pocket because i had forgotten they were in there, promptly sent to the principal, she threw them away and i got scolded even though they were completely empty spent shells.

[@JasonAizatoZemeckis]

I woukd be salty too man, something like that actuallt happened to me too, but it was with a carving knife, albeit, i do have a habit of carrying a few knives around to open boxes and cut vegetables, so its more concerning in my case

[@Flying_Shark_Bait]

Idk. I tend to disagree. Obviously this was a different time but like if someone were to come to my school today and accidentally bring in an empty shell the school should definitely still confiscate and give some type of scolding. It’s crazy dangerous in our time and it would make sense for them to do so.(just trying to say my opinion also this was a bit rushed so hopefully you may be able to understand the main idea)

[@Flying_Shark_Bait]

Also what I mean by disagree I mean it as if u sound like the punishment you got was crazy and doesn’t make sense and that’s where I would disagree

[@JasonAizatoZemeckis]

@@Flying_Shark_Bait that's true, but I think what he was really salty about was that it wasn't even his fault that the shells were in the same jacket he happened to be wearing, I can understand his situation, but you are completely right in the punishment and situation

[@annasstorybox7906]

​​@@Flying_Shark_Bait I'm from a country with pretty strict gun laws and I guess even here an empty shell wouldn't be an issue In fact empty shells aren't regulated by any law. One can just have them and it wouldn't even be illegal to hand an empty shell to a kid So I highly doubt I would even be confiscated as far as I can imagine. It's a piece of metal, not a dangerous object... But hey... I've heard US kids get in trouble for drawing a butt or for forming finger guns so.... Yeah... Apparently a piece of brass that would likely not even hurt when thrown at someones head is a big deal...

[@SailorLavender]

Story 4: That teacher was impressive to keep confiscated items for that long and know where it was years after the original promised return date.

[@misskitty8619]

Thank you... she taught him that there are consequences for his actions but also that she could be a trusted as an authority figure to keep her word. Honestly that's a good teacher I see all of these people saying things like why aren't the parents suing her you're clearly part of the problem not the solution😢 it's honestly so sad the good side of the story❤ not many people do that kind of stuff unless they truly care about the students and all these people are just whining that she's a in reality she's a grown woman who taught your adolescent that you clearly could not🎉bravo 👏 so weird the way people look at things let's sue her.. really?😢

[@CRlPPA]

I am an autistic teacher who used to teach back in ‘99. I once had to confiscate a used rubber that the students were throwing at eachother. A young man had complained that some of the “fluid” had gotten onto him. I also had another time there was a student who brought a feces covered pink 🍆 to class. The entire class kept complaining about a strange smell in the room. I traced to smell up to him and caught im in the act of playing with it in his bag. The smell was putrid. I had to confiscate it immediately. I later licked it to test if it was actually human feces and I reacted with pleasure and immediately shoved it up my

[@thatoneedgelord]

The Halo story reminded me of how I ran a Minecraft SMP on my school's network but I thought ahead about the tech guys being able to revamp the network. During a school rally for the basketball team I snuck into the server room and hid a Lenovo laptop behind the server racks and plugged it in. That laptop was the host of the server. My little sister is a freshman there now and it's still operational and since none of the staff could figure out how to shut it down, the whole school gets to enjoy Minecraft

[@DortMC]

You….Are...A...FUCKING….GENIUS

[@CRlPPA]

I am an autistic teacher who used to teach back in ‘99. I once had to confiscate a used rubber that the students were throwing at eachother. A young man had complained that some of the “fluid” had gotten onto him. I also had another time there was a student who brought a feces covered pink 🍆 to class. The entire class kept complaining about a strange smell in the room. I traced to smell up to him and caught im in the act of playing with it in his bag. The smell was putrid. I had to confiscate it immediately. I later licked it to test if it was actually human feces and I reacted with pleasure and immediately shoved it up my

[@mkuti-childress3625]

Black widow spiders, anyone? I caught a 7th grader playing with them by his locker, letting them run all over his hands!!! I about had a heart attack, asked what on earth he was doing, and said he could get bitten horribly! His reply? “Oh, I do this all the time. They never bite me!” This kid would also rescue small animals and try to leave them in his locker until after school. The animals would always let him. I think some people actually have a Dr. Dolittle gene, and if that kid didn’t become a veterinarian, I’ll be very disappointed!

[@Thekingofcrab]

The beastmaster!!!

[@consumingkazoos]

@@Thekingofcrab master beast

[@brambleheart]

Is nobody talking about how the teacher fully intended to keep an 8 year old’s cards for at least 3 YEARS? Extreme much. My parents would have rioted if that happened to me or my classmates!

[@zekova]

Seriously, wtf. These teachers are sabotaging any chance their students will respect them. -_-

[@Mysteriouscommebtor]

Yeah! And I’m pretty sure that was illegal

[@Linaelinaeya]

Actually at our school they never gave what they confiscated. A spinner, a toy car whatever it is no matter how innocent it is, if they take it you won’t get it back.

[@Mysteriouscommebtor]

@@Linaelinaeya Wow! That’s just asking for a lawsuit from angry parents

[@Linaelinaeya]

@@Mysteriouscommebtor it was pretty normal there actually, in most of the schools. Now that I think back of it, it’s awful actually.

[@NiaJustNia]

A vape from a 6 year old who found it down the couch at home (older sibling hiding it from parents) and thought it was a bubblegum scented air freshener and was passing it around the class for everyone to sniff. The other week, a "bracelet" was confiscated from a 9 year old. It was a piece of tape studded with tape thumbtacks to use as a weapon against anyone she deemed annoying or stupid.

[@BryantWalker-m6e]

If your in the U.S. self defense is legal, those are completely legal school items, are you dictating HOW STUDENTS TRANSPORT MATERIALS? Sounds like a case for the Supreme court.

[@NiaJustNia]

@@BryantWalker-m6e I mean the materials were stolen from the teacher's store cupboard, so it was never the student's materials. Also no, not US. It's also not self defence if you're making the first move to attack people. This kid made it to assault another child in the taxi home, because they figured they could get away with it if it was outside the school gate

[@thorodenson2070]

​@@BryantWalker-m6eself-defense is legal for adults not children. Independent on what state you live in depends on whether or not you're allowed to defend yourself any more democratic controlled States you don't have any rights. But thankfully here in Texas you have all rights I can literally walk down the road with a pistol on my hip a rifle over my shoulder a sword on my back and a switchblade in my pocket and be completely 110% legal. There Are the states that take away your rights make you less human my state doubles down on it😊

[@GhostBear3067]

When I was younger we just scooped bees out of trash cans with chip bags for the hell of it, no objectives beyond "put bee in bag".

[@lukejohnston5566]

Me too, we used Gatorade bottles. Only purpose was collection.

[@GhostBear3067]

@@lukejohnston5566 not a lot of Gatorade in Brazil in the 1990s. 😅

[@theojames2581]

Wait, why were they in trashcans?

[@GhostBear3067]

@@theojames2581 heck if I know, nor did I or any of my friends particularly care.🤷‍♂️

[@theojames2581]

Oh nice

[@Its_Goobin_Time]

i love ads “and her response was- ‘HONKAI STAR RAIL IS AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL GAME-‘“

[@consumingkazoos]

do you actually play hsr tho. it's really nice

[@Its_Goobin_Time]

@ yes, yes i do. kafka main

[@alluriusmusic]

Although it's terrible to hear about the kid and the lighter, I hope that the mother got a good kick back to Reality from the incident so it doesn't happen again...

[@TheMasqueraiden]

well she's probably dead, so.

[@shyguyissoawesomeguys]

​@@TheMasqueraidenwell. at least we can bet she won't let it happen again.

[@TyrannoTeeth]

When i was in 6th or 7th grade (about 11-12 yrs old) we had a teacher confiscate a vibrator that some girl bought into school lmao. Not one of those little discreet ones you can stick in a pocket either-- it was big and purple and she brought it in a grocery store bag

[@GinaRanTruthEnforcer]

... what? what the fuck?

[@Endzone-production]

Wonder where she is now

[@skellious]

When cooking you have many different things cooking at once, all of which need attention at various times. So each one gets it's own timer.

[@gnomeathome1736]

My freshman year of high school, an English teacher confiscated a book I brought titled "F*ck" (it wasn't even the full word, it had the 'U' covered up with fake white-out). I tried to explain to the teacher that the book was about the power of words, and how things like cuss words only have the power we choose to give them; how there is nothing inherently inflammatory about any particular arrangement of letters. The irony of her confiscating the book anyways was not lost on me (though it seemed to be lost on her)

[@PythonTheOrbWing]

𝕀 ℍ𝔸𝕍𝔼 𝕋ℍ𝔸𝕋 𝔹𝕆𝕆𝕂 📚

[@doctorwyvern9992]

I’m glad to hear that the kid in story 52 was able to get the encouragement to help him make good use of his talents. Too often we hear it going in the opposite direction where the kids are treated as misfits and potentially dangerous in some cases, which just destroys any bright future they may have had.

[@ARKdeEREH]

When I was in 4th grade, my friend carried a moldy lunch in a Tupperware container around the playground at recess. He waved it in random kids' faces while saying "behold the mold." Eventually, a teacher saw him doing that and confiscated it.

[@JasonAizatoZemeckis]

Alas, lord mold has had his rites of passage usurped by feeble minded authorities, but i will not let his efforts be wasted, BEHOLD THE MOLD

[@TheShire26]

B E H O L D THE *M O L D*

[@3days_left]

Some cartoon villain.

[@Toaster6008]

@@TheShire26 B E H O L D THE M O L D

[@DortMC]

B E H O L D T H E M O L D

[@Mio96O-O]

0:44 my dad is a professional chef and he is addicted with collecting timers. I didn't know other chefs did that too 😭

[@yas6616]

Story 20: That “friend” that told the gym teacher is such a POS.

[@mattsceilingfansandmore2573]

Well to be fair the "friend" thought he was joking

[@yas6616]

@@mattsceilingfansandmore2573 this is why you take life seriously not everything is clearly a joke.

[@damonminnix4660]

I thought the same. The staff really freaked out over nothing, too. The kid wasn’t doing anything, nor wanted to. Irritated me

[@chrish8111]

​@@mattsceilingfansandmore2573 right lol "i have a knife" the funniest fucking joke ive ever heard (sarcasm), right next to calling the teacher over to let them know

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

47:40 What kind of an idiot lets their kid play with mercury, especially a BUCKET OF IT

[@Findecommie]

Someone with the unique combination of being smart enough to know that simply touching elemental mercury isn't particularly dangerous and dumb enough to not realize that it very quickly becomes dangerous when particles are aerosolized, as could very easily happen during children playing with it

[@BearFlagRep]

Baker here : we usually have several timers at work, and it's always not enough. Remember that in a kitchen, you're not cooking just one meal, but enough meals for a commercial amount of people. In a bakery, at any given time, there's things in the oven, bread dough rising, bread dough resting and needing to be "folded" at certain times, stuff you might want to take out of the fridge or freezer at a specific time (so it can rise in time for the after-work bread-buying rush here, for example), etc. I usually keep track of a lot of things in my head, but ringing timers do help. It's also helpful when your shift is over and the next baker has to keep track of it all. I suppose in kitchens it would be the same, with a lof ot meals and foods being cooked all at once.

[@adelerodriguez2432]

I never thought of that, but then again I am not a professional cook!

[@clockworktri]

That 12yo's mom didn't care she was reading a manga with an SA scene because it "encourages her to learn about different cultures"??! ... I cannot comprehend

[@andrewwebb917]

If you're cooking more than 1 thing at once you need multiple tikers

[@JenniferMonimambo]

Or if you are cooking something that requires you to cook certain things simultaneously.

[@skybreak07]

So, I am a teacher. I believe this year, a student brought a cattle prod, or something to that effect. At our staff holiday party every year, they give away the confiscated items as joke gifts. Lots of vapes. Lighters. Sometimes pocket knives. Shirts with very inappropriate anime girls on them. The cattle prod was not there, sadly. There was, however, a kazoo.

[@TheShire26]

Kazoo person won

[@mkuti-childress3625]

Oh my God, all schools should do the confiscated item holiday gift exchange!

[@barfrodgers1202]

So you split up all the stolen property at the end of the year?

[@skybreak07]

@@barfrodgers1202 I mean, we can't give the vast majority of the items back to the kids because it's illegal for them to have it to begin with. It would most likely get tossed out otherwise. The only things I can think of that could be returned are the shirt and the kazoo

[@barfrodgers1202]

@@skybreak07 you stole a kazoo. Idk how you live with that tbqf

[@randomMSMtuber]

honestly respect for using your actual vojce instead of ai

[@ExSharkV]

When I was in twelfth grade I had a teacher confiscate my container of saxophone reeds because she thought the were some kind of drug paraphernalia. She refused to believe that they were saxophone reeds because "you play flute in band what do you need reeds for," and trying to tell her that I played saxophone for the school's jazz band got me threatened with in-school suspension. I had to get the head of the school to get them back for me because I had roughly $40 worth of reeds in that container (which was like 6 reeds) and couldn't afford to buy more at that time. The teacher did get reprimanded.

[@adelerodriguez2432]

What number reed did you use?

[@ExSharkV]

I typically used a Vandoren 3.

[@adelerodriguez2432]

(@@ExSharkVI have used #2 for many years. I used them for my Eb alto and Bb clarinets. The Bb regular clarinet too. I used alto sax reeds on the Eb alto bc the lady at the music store kept trying to sell me Eb soprano clarinet reeds. I broke ligatures on a regular basis. Lol I use tenor sax reeds for my C-melody sax.

[@Dr._Weiner]

Someone brought a hedgehog to my little sister’s middle school

[@whitelion7976]

Common when I was in school around autumn when they look for a place to hibernate. I found my dog barking at one in the garden. I made it a nice place to hide and hibernate in the garden shed. This was in Belgium during the 80s

[@0palOpal0pal]

Sonic...

[@JasonAizatoZemeckis]

Shadow?

[@PandoraFoxxBurlesque]

Oh that poor hedgie 😔 it would've been so cold and so stressed

[@3days_left]

Was he blue?

[@Max_Proto]

My mother and her friend, in a Home-Ec class, once made pot brownies for a project.... They got an A.

[@feelinghealing3890]

I can see a chef needing multiple timers for like, a bunch of things happening at once.

[@midnighthope6029]

39:45 take a mask's string, hold the ends, and rub it back and forth over something really fast. source: was in a high school class full of troublemakers

[@D.S69]

Cool!

[@jamiegargano2898]

Back in like 5th grade a friend brought in a furby. Teacher told her to put it away, which she did. Then during "silent reading" about 3 hours later, all the sudden we all hear "woah! It's really dark in here" coming from the closet! 😳 Furby just decided to talk randomly! 😂 The class just started laughing and the teacher made my friend give her the Furby to put in the principal's office until the end of the day, just in case it went off again. I think it creeped her out LMAO The same teacher tried to tell my mom I couldn't read 'Goosebumps' books in class anymore because they were "unholy" my mom just said "this is a public school, my daughter is dyslexic and finally found books she actually wants to read, I'll buy her every one of those books and you WILL let her read them. You don't dictate what my child reads" 😂🤣

[@KamisamanoOtaku]

For Story 34, bringing a hunting rifle to school was once pretty *normal.* So were school clubs involving firearms. Paradoxically, school shootings *weren't* as common.

[@Sensansenkai]

Oh my god I DIED at the "lucky rabbit's foot" one XD

[@Psychology105]

Two liter bottle of Canada Dry. Full of piss. This student was in a class where it’s split by lunch. On returning from lunch, he’s keeping a really straight face. Very out of character. He slides into the chair, makes eye contact, and plants the Canada Dry on his desk. He tells me how he collected his urine at a friend’s house and just found it again. The color was so dark, sediments at the bottom. Just gross. He did try to wrestle it from me as it was confiscated. Luckily this story doesn’t have a messy ending. Later in the day he walks in, so proudly. He’d made me a pin, which I wore on my bag for years. It stated the date and “Never forget”, with an image of Canada Dry. I was so impressed with how quickly he designed and made it.

[@CRlPPA]

I am an autistic teacher who used to teach back in ‘99. I once had to confiscate a used rubber that the students were throwing at eachother. A young man had complained that some of the “fluid” had gotten onto him. I also had another time there was a student who brought a feces covered pink 🍆 to class. The entire class kept complaining about a strange smell in the room. I traced to smell up to him and caught im in the act of playing with it in his bag. The smell was putrid. I had to confiscate it immediately. I later licked it to test if it was actually human feces and I reacted with pleasure and immediately shoved it up my

[@ashleyferguson904]

Behold the piss

[@StrawberryIceCreamLover]

It would probably taste better than canada dry

[@consumingkazoos]

@@StrawberryIceCreamLover bro has beef with ginger ale

[@StrawberryIceCreamLover]

@@consumingkazoos I do, I hate that disgusting drink

[@batt3ryac1d277]

39:39 @undersparked i wasn’t from that school but ours did it too, we would pull off the strings that held the masks on your ears, and they were very very strong, so if you pulled them back and forth quickly enough at the right angle, they could pretty easily go through plastic and dent wood :3

[@kimhohlmayer7018]

My kid made one of those crossbows and it was amazing. He’s in his 20s now. Don’t think he builds things like that anymore.

[@brandonsummitt7579]

18:00 I grew up with an insulin pump as a diabetic. The chill factor of this kid is that most insulin pumps have to be replaced every 3ish days. I've had many get ripped out due to door handles. That small tube goes from the pump in your pocket to your belly. It still sucks and you typically need to get insulin within the next hour or two or you're going to have a rough day or two from blood sugars. That absolutely does not take away from how wrong that teacher was. All this to say, is that it is a relatively small price to pay if it gets rid of a really bad teacher.

[@jeannewilson1655]

The best is when your 4th graders think they're getting by with something on their Chromebook but you have the monitoring system running and you turn off their internet access. They look around wide-eyed and clueless, then start pounding on the keyboard. When they finally look at me, I just smile and shrug. They forget that closing the tab does nothing because the system records screen history.

[@Seth-w5z]

Story three is easily may favorite, these kids are so smart!!

[@hungryhoss5895]

I was 7 years old and kicked off the buss for "Sexual Harassment." Me and my neighbor were playing pretend and I said "Rahh I'm gonna eat you!" Bus driver screamed at me to stop being a little pervert, Dragged me by the ear into the office, I was then screamed at by the principal for a good hour while we waited for my mom to drive the hour back to the school. I had to ask her at 7 years old what Sexual harassment meant. My mom had to explain to a 7 year old what sexual harassment was because our bus driver was herself a pervert and thought that two 7 year old kids were being sexual. The principal told my mom that "His only problem is he needs a Man(Father figure) in his life." That principal also quit because he told me I wouldn't graduate on time, and when I did, he went to work with his brother and is now sitting in federal prison for embezzling money from PACyber. :3

[@3lloGuvner]

wtf, they're the perverts for projecting anything sexual onto the words of a 7yo. shouldn't be working with children if they can't keep their minds out of the gutter

[@BioWorkAgency]

So you were assaulted (non-sexually) by your bus driver who thought that 2 kids under 10 years old were having sex in the bus? What the fuck.

[@yeeteducation]

the turkey sandwich I brought to school was confiscated. they thought it was a euphemism because I saw “a girl’s knees” under one of the men’s room toilet stalls

[@DarkKnightofIT]

All the cooking savvy people I know have multiple timers for different things, some even have them labeled for specific uses, This one's for boiling things, this one's for frying things, this one's for baking things ETC.

[@AWizardAndaMouse3432]

Story 44: my elementary school did the what’s in the sack poem for show and tell. And when the description “Darling Little Farm Boy” came up, it reminded me of myself. That may have been me, but I don’t remember much of my elementary school years. I have no clue, however.

[@StarLightGem]

That fisrt kid was WILD, but yea, they need those timers to keep in track of multiple dishes at the same time, when you boil soup water you also gotta have another dish cooking etc, that's why pro chefs always use more than one timer

[@pantherosgaming1995]

Story 62: Mad respect to the engineering teacher for actually giving a good grade where it was definitely deserved rather than failing the student over a prank/joke. THAT is an engineering teacher with a damn good sense of humor and a good heart.

[@robertdemare6140]

39:45 apparenetly the strings of the masks make pretty good saws... yeah i mean i never wouldve thought tbh, never tried it myself

[@Iuxinterior]

as a type one diabetic i gasped out loud at the diabetic story what the hell

[@MNcit]

This is not the first time I've run across this sort of story. One teacher was even told that it was a medical device, then snuck up behind the student and cut the wires.

[@llamawalrushybrid]

Something like this never happened to you?

[@ipupi8784]

ick ​@@MNcit wtf

[@lazyryan3766]

​@@ipupi8784That was probably a fake story. I mean, look at the wording

[@lazyryan3766]

​@@MNcitIf it's the story I think you're talking about, it's probably fake. I mean, look at the wording

[@KHTimeProtecter]

One OP: Gets her manga confiscated for a graphic scene. Me: Teachers buy me a volume of Fullmetal Alchemist for drinking a glass of green juice. (The volume where Sloth is fighting on the Promised Day.)

[@charityquill4965]

The story of the guy throwing eggs: it would be annoying to have to clean up, but i have to admire the commitment to thr pun 😂

[@lightning_11]

Stories like this are why I make sure to give proper respect to any teachers I meet. Especially teachers who work with young or special education kids. Even parents are pretty impressive, to be honest. Those people have skills I can't even dream of mastering.

[@stapuft]

Its ACTUALLY illegal for teachers to steal things from you. That's why they TRY and force you to willingly hand them over..... All you have to do is refuse to hand it over, then when the teacher steals it from you. You can sue they get fired and you win.

[@rewto5131]

The one about butts was funny. If I was the teacher, I would have laughed then drew my own version before trashing the paper.

[@adamcraig7707]

39:49 low quality plastic chairs with intentional holes in them and then you pop off one of the mask strings and saw back and forth through the plastic until you remove a chunk

[@ChozoSR388]

Story 24 reminds me of when I was in middle school, in '96. We had Apple PowerMacs at the time, and someone managed to get shareware versions both Quake AND Duke Nukem 3D on the homeroom PowerMac. Later learned that the Admin password for every single computer in the school was "Apple". I miss the '90s.

[@WitherslayR]

"Cracking jokes" is actually a good one

[@neoneanderthal2658]

When I was 18(school in my country is 12! years starting usually at age 7 for very bad reasons) I actually spent an entire day in school with a gun. Specifically my gun, registered and everything. My dad had given me his old snub nosed gas/signal revolver after a string of particularly good grades(I had been hoping for a new PC). Now, my school had a very early first bell, so much so that I would have to wake up at 5am to make it if I planned on walking for 20-ish minutes. But, the town I was in also happened to have very cheap in town taxis. Think less than an energy drink. So, one morning I oversleep, am groggy af and decide to call a taxi. Here's the thing - it's a Monday and I usually travelled back to the capital to spend some time with friends and my parents on weekends. And of course I brought my gun. I had a light leather jacket with massive pockets and I had left my revolver in it last night when had returned home. I grab it going out, not at all noticing the kilo of metal in the right pocket(I had a habit of wearing my backpack hanging on only the right strap so the weight might have been distracted). Get to school, throw jacket on the back of the chair(I was a little late taxi and all) and since the weather had warmed up during first period I had left the jacket, gun and all in a classroom for the entire day. While I had been out smoking during the breaks. The next time I even put on my jacket we're already leaving. And as I squeeze out along with the other students trough the congested gate the guy I was walking with yelps and asks wtf did I hit him with. And literally one step outside the school gate I reach into my pocket and realize what I'd done. Didn't pull the gun out in front of a crowd of students. I'm not that particular kind of retard.

[@ヤモです]

Tell us the vodka story from 9:34 please!

[@mmm1217]

This is amazing. Hilarious, and as always you put so much life and emphasis into the stories that it's a thrill to listen to. I think you said you're a drama student and voice actor or something in one of the videos? It definitely shows.

[@Ferrari255GTO]

19:10 WHAT A FUCKING CHAD, I hope this man is still as amazing today as he was that day!

[@ryangooseling]

Pretty phalic/ test tube shaped. 😅 The protein shot tastes pretty good, has a texture like unset jello and they're really convenient to carry in a backpack.

[@sociallyineptsnapper]

Do you have the name?

[@angelfangz.3]

What’s it called

[@ryangooseling]

@@angelfangz.3 😂😂😂 at the time i was buying them they were sold under the name.... Protein Shot Oddly, i think its now sold by sunkist

[@ryangooseling]

@@sociallyineptsnapper sorry, never got the notification. Protein shot

[@sociallyineptsnapper]

@@ryangooseling anything more specific? Nothing I look up looks particularly off in shape

[@96ethanh]

I got a good laugh out of the "let's go home device"

[@augustedozorec865]

Can you explain what “let’s go home” device means? I’m so confused and I can’t figure it out online

[@rileyoconnor2276]

@@augustedozorec865 getting kicked out of schoo;

[@VasenyaKenya]

On the halo story I know with 90% certainty that it was prob the IT guys just feeding the school the game

[@daedaluswriting9350]

In my HS, yeah, we played halo every day in Intro to Engineering when we had nothing else to do, thought it was my school for a second, but ours didn't have a war with the school system over it XD

[@daedaluswriting9350]

Although, this was 9 years ago

[@dominiquefaught5116]

In 7th grade I went to a small private religious school. Our teacher taught Earth Science and would teach the 6,7,and 8th graders for different periods. After lunch, one of my classmates had noticed one of the 8th graders had left his school binder behind and held it up for the class to see. The teacher asked who it was and in the process of opening up the binder, a Playboy magazine fell out. Without missing a beat, the girl read the name in the binder. The class roared with laughter as we all knew who it was. The teacher gave a nervous chuckle and took it from her. He called down to the principal and reported it. A short time later, she came up to the class and retrieved the binder and Playboy. I had to use the bathroom later, so I saw the aftermath of the principal walking across the courtyard with the boy behind him with his head hung low.

[@Whimbrel-birb]

Story 55: If you remove the metal wire bit in the nose bridge of the mask, it is a functional saw. This happened during Covid, when everyone had those disposable masks that were given out daily, for reference. (I definitely never did that)

[@illdeletethismusic]

chefs need to prepare lots of dishes at the same time, so they need lots of timers

[@jadedj5385]

The Jiffy Punch is so mean. The idea of someone racing to you with a handful of whatever it is that you are allergic to is horrifying and kind of funny. Glad the people involved in that story were OK.

[@mariekatherine5238]

My aunt confiscated a bong from one of her Kindergarteners. He brought it for Show and Tell, without his mother’s knowledge, of course! Craziest thing I confiscated from a first grade girl was a jade and gold ring and bracelet set, taken from Mom’s drawer and given as a birthday gift to a friend. The nastiest thing I confiscated from a fourth grader was a matchbox that contained a pet water bug, (giant cockroach!)

[@Robo8000-z8l]

Story 1: That kid is BRILLIANT! Boundless knowledge

[@HazardousCanine0620]

Op from story 25 is a real one, protecting someone from being outed like that

[@lord_alex12]

And here I was thinking a comically large Hydro Flask and a hardback copy of the Ars Goetia was weird

[@alexandrialynn08]

Story 2: This one was more cute than bad, as they kept the fish alive for the rest of the year and kept it somewhere arguably better for a fish to live in

[@Dragongaga]

Story 24, same, but it was Counterstrike 1.6 for us. The school had a system made by students as a graduation work. It utilized a boot from LAN system, where they had a mirror server with a fully configured, bootable system and when you turned on a PC in one of the computer rooms, it would grab the mirror from the server and boot with it. That way the system had all the software the students needed, they couldn't break the PCs and changes they made during class would not keep. But the students who designed this system smuggled and installation of CS1.6 onto the mirror server, including the cracked russian setup file. So every lesson some students would play CS and there was nothing the teachers could do against it. I even started making my own maps to play and got a little popular for it. Good times.

[@rebasack21]

When i was in 7th or 8th grade i caught a small black widow spider and locked it into an empty label free prescription bottle. The next day i took it to school so i could show other kids what it was and how to recognize it. Now another thing that matters is i have bipolar and was on an IEP. I got insanely lucky that my biology teacher caught me showing it off and confiscated it. A LOT of other teachers would have tried to expel me instantly. Instead my teacher talked to me alone and explained that while my heart was in the right place that was way to dangerous to bring. Also this happened about a year after 9/11. It didnt actually hit me til my mid 20s just how bad a spot i had put myself in.

[@MSL_Sketches]

Meh, i brought A lawn mower blade to school and it was taken up, it’s still there a couple blocks from me

[@kimmmerkim5811]

So let me confirm that in the 80's they did indeed give you such thing back & tell you not to be a moron with it. If you set the hedge on fire with it later the lesson continued. YOU would probably be cleaning up the mess. YOU would be apologizing for the mess. YOU would be PAYING for the mess. NOT your parents. YOU! YOU learned not to do such things & WHY you don't do such things.

[@FractalParadox]

14:30 I did the exact same thing when I was like 11 or 12? I was using a small knife to take apart an interesting electronic toy (think one of those old R2D2 key chains that had a mini laser projector with an image of Darth Vader or something) and then the school bus (actually it was a van, but that's another story, I'm not American) arrived, and my ADHD butt just forgot all about it and shoved both the toy and the knife into my pocket. no one in school noticed, because, well, it wasn't America, until I put my hands on my pockets during recess and found them there. Can you guess what I did then? exactly! oblivious to any other implications that bringing a knife to school could have, I decided to just pick up where I had left of and proceeded to resume picking the toy apart with the knife, in full view of multiple teachers and the school's janitor. The sweet old school janitor took me straight to the principal's office, and my mom was called. the whole time I was like _what's the big deal?_ while the teachers yelled about weapons and bullying and whatnot. my mom got there and took one look at the situation, then grabbed the knife and laughed. "oh, I was looking for this one, it's my favorite potato knife." she said. "You should have used a screwdriver, now the tip is all bent." PS: I couldn't use a screwdriver because the screws were those weird triangle shaped ones, so yeah, the knife was the best fitting thing I found TL:DR I got grounded for damaging my mom's favorite knife, not for bringing it to school.

[@EvonneSol]

The weirdest thing that ever got confiscated in my school was a live chicken. Yes, a live rooster got brought in by some of the seniors close to the end of the year and released into the hallway. I was on my way to my engineering class at the time, a junior if I remember correctly, and I was there keeping other students from kicking it or getting pecked by it when animal control showed up. I'm pretty sure it was injured because that little rooster was mean as hell and terrified by the time someone finally got it under control. I think one of the guys got it off his uncle's farm, or something like that. The weird part is that this was in the middle of town, close to a major city, and nowhere near a farm.

[@joaocemoura]

On the topic of fake cockroaches, I have a story about those. Back in 10th grade I found one of those plastic cockroaches in the chemistry lab of my school. Inte ded to use it to play pranks on the girls in my class. Successful on that front. When i got home that day I completely forgot about it in my jacket's pocket. The fake roach somehow didn't come out during washing but did when it went through the dryer. Being plastic the damned thing got stuck to the door of the dryer and my mom, who is deathly terrified of roaches, saw it. She was so scared she couldn't even speak so she goes over to call my dad. I am in my room playing a game on my DS when i hear lound smacking noises. Came down to see my dad smacking the daylight out of the plastic cockroach with a dishcloth. Obviously the fake roach didn't fall off dead or try and run. What follows is the most uncontrolable laughter I have ever seen from my parents. To the point they couldn't look at each other without losing it all over again. It's been 15 years and we still tell this story all the time and still laugh like hyenas at it

[@flomstuff-kk7fn]

I had a teacher who during his first year teaching, two students started doing WEED IN CLASS

[@GreeeeenBean]

I'm not a teacher, but the weirdest thing that has been confiscated from me was a harmonica.

[@joelunchbucket]

When I was in first or second grade, I found a live shotgun shell on the ground next to my older brother's combi van. He used shotguns to hunt rabbits. I took it to school for show and tell. "Mrs Imrie, girls and boys, here I have a rabbit bullet." I explained that my brother used them in his gun when hunting rabbits. My teacher said "I'll look after that for you", and confiscated it. At the end of the day, she returned it to me to take home. No notes or anything. I was six or seven years old. That was the sixties for you.

[@lamonica500]

I confiscated a "silver bullet" from a 4th grader. Luckily I had a good relationship with the mom, I called her and she came to pick it up.

[@skiesofsilver4564]

I carry a pocket knife at school, specifically for the scissors. I crochet during school, and I need scissors. Those are the smallest I have, and all I have room for. It stays away, not easily accessible, during all hours, except for when I have to cut a string. Then it goes right back away. the toothpick included has also been great for food that gets stuck in braces that i can't get out a few teachers have seen it, but none have made any action to take it. They see what I'm using it for. i quite literally keep it in a tin, in my pencil pouch, in my bag, buried at the bottom under everything. Impossible to get at for any quick access.

[@doctorofnonsense9059]

When I was a freshman in high school I had a .243 Winchester Bullet/Shell that was inert. The primer was loose and had a hole drilled through it and a key ring through that. It was a necklace. And I showed it to a classmate in my computer hardware class. Teacher who claimed to know everything about guns told me that it was dangerous and illegal for me to own that. Told me that my parents could pick it up, dad (who is ex-navy) goes down there to pick it up, gets into an argument with the teacher and principal about how the bullet was inert and could never be loaded. Eventually it came down to my dad saying they were idiots and leaving without getting the bullet back. My dad hated my high school for all sorts of reasons after that, but that definitely set the precedent.

[@ZackRing]

Yeah, I was part of a group of kids that disabled the school proxy and got into a little trouble. So I feel sorry for the kids in 15.

[@canadalovesanime3137]

LOL!! That story with the girl and the shotg*n. My father did something similar with me in 4th grade. I was the entire school's target, the teachers and my mother blamed me for not being "normal"(ADHD). So my father sharpened a fork and gave it to me to take to school with me. My brother told my mother and she took it away. My brother then told everyone on the school bus. I got beat up real bad and my mother blamed me for "wanting to end my classmates"; which wasn't even true. I just wanted to be left alone. I stopped going to school at all in 9th grade. My mother still thinks everything was my fault and that I was "asking for it".

[@lordpumpkinhead265]

The kid in the first story is a menace. I respect the prank so much.

[@BiggieChungulus]

Professional chef here, the only timers we use are on our ovens. Some people use external timers but it's ironic because those are the people who often burn things.

[@cronos351]

The girl could have say 'did you see the seed cell, I could get yours too'

[@THETICMIRROR42]

the bees made me laugh so hard

[@MsRee713]

The worst one I ever saw was a third grader had his grandfather’s heart medicine confiscated. The mind boggles. I still know his name too.

[@nocoeenginesandstuff4259]

One time when I was in second grade I got a metal chain from a hardware store. I loved that chain. I loved and I named it and I wanted to show my friend how cool my chain was. So I brought it to school. My teacher took it and immediately called my parents. She wanted to call the police but the principle wouldn't let her. I asked innocently why she took it and she said she wouldn't tell me why. My parents told me not to do it but it wasn't important. I still don't know why.

[@JPGpack]

Ice cream is best served warm

[@mattwolf7698]

53:10 A couch? Must have been a JD Vance video.

[@ItsChuckShirley]

13:03 I guess the kid's been channeling his inner Tina Belcher with their "errorticks friendfiction" *intentionally mispelled

[@clottedscream]

the kid who got in huge trouble for accidentally having his pocket knife on him when he went back to school might be a kid from my home town? something really similar happened to this kid who lived down the street from me, although the story i was told was that it was a camping knife. poor kid

[@oke7500]

Who really thought chefs would only need one timer? Chefs ain’t just cooking frozen nuggets

[@TowerArcanaCrow]

That Tinder one made me ugly snort and laugh in public so fucking hard

[@goJi7]

For the story about the masks, the reason that they could cut the chairs using masks is because the masks had high friction bands, and so, if you use it like a saw It would cut the chair.

[@lukerigsby]

I have a story to top all of this. Back when I was in 7th grade I was an idiot and had bought a fleshlight off of Ebay. (no idea how parents did not find out). I ended up getting bored and bringing it into school. I ended up leaving it in my backpack for 90% of the day, until lunch. At lunch I was showing the thing to every kid that wanted to, knew em or not they saw it. After a while I got nervous of getting in trouble and ended up wanting to get rid of it. Now, I obviously can't just throw it in the food bins, so I gave it to another kid to throw away discretely. The kid however did not do so. He went and threw it in a urinal in the boys restroom. Needless to say It got taken, I had a very very awkward talk with my assistant principal, and got a punishment. Somehow my dad did not care in the slightest.

[@earniemaedeen2703]

Did a term paper on the Klu Klux Klan in US history has in 12th grade. Really appreciated the teacher who let me explore that and get credit for it. I live in South Georgia.