Deflection (The Coping Mechanism From Hell) - Teal Swan

[@thefanceman]

19 minutes explained what i was oblivious to for my entire life. actually spent over 2 hours interpreting this 19 min vid. you changed my life.

[@OG_zennedout]

WHOLENESS 🙏 😎❣

[@madisoncaines8059]

Right? I'm shook lol but totally with you always going back to really understand what she is saying

[@madisoncaines8059]

Because it's all so valuable and deep

[@leahflower9924]

Good for you...one good thing about me being damaged is I've been compelled to look into psychology and motivations, people with good lives usually don't bother digging deeper

[@vladkostin7557]

Deflection? Nonsense! I never do that! YOU are deflecting!

[@savagecortz8550]

Vlad Kostin shut up

[@jonka1]

AHH I think I see the problem here----

[@KatieScanlan]

😝

[@vladkostin7557]

Okay I've made the joke before watching the entire video, that's a bad joke.

[@infinifi2910]

I read some criticizing responses here (some laughing) but I guess we need to be prepared because it happens out of the blue!!

[@silencio1234]

This is how my mom treated me in childhood. Hearing the broken leg analogy made me start crying. I just want to stop this pattern. It is so hard. Teal you are a hero for making videos like this!!!

[@falsehoodbasher7240]

sorry what you going through ;(

[@Passiyona]

In my case it was my dad... We are so lucky to have Teal

[@rebelissima8915]

I had a mother who did this to me my entire childhood/adolescence. She brought me to therapy when I was 8 years old, because I tried to speak up about how I was being hurt by her. Now, as an adult, I've never been able to trust my own emotions or perceptions because she could never take responsibility for her abuse. I've gotten far enough into my healing to where I have forgiven her (which is probably easier for me since she passed away when I was 18 and I'm now 35) ... Fast forward to today, and I have a landlord who is about the same age that my mom would be, and is the exact same way. This woman is so deeply entrenched in self-denial that she could do anything wrong, that you can't even set up very basic boundaries with her. SHAME is truly the most potent venom that leads to the most insidious types of abuse. Without a doubt.

[@Passiyona]

I feel you

[@kaarekolstad3349]

I'm sorry

[@apprenticeofsilence]

God I hope you got out of those patterns ❤❤❤

[@tool-enjoyer666]

Im there too. I hope youre staying strong

[@___717.]

This video really hit home, a really emotionally abusive home, full of deflection masters. The clarity you provided will greatly improve my chances of overcoming my past. thank you

[@saistrology]

The more broken the child appears, the more "put together" and powerful the "fixer" looks to others which incentivizes the abuser to continue the abuse.

[@safeeffective385]

Some sick F's out there!

[@janicesmith1156]

Thank you for this comment. This is what I went through as a child. This is one of the craziest things ever.

[@saistrology]

​@@janicesmith1156🙏🏾

[@Autummmnn1]

I was the child in the insidious parent/child deflective deflective relationship. And its a flippin nightmare. The only thing holding me together is a really sick sense of humor and I've cut most of my family off completely.

[@treefrog0826]

I am right there with you.

[@ginadisantis7827]

Me too. Cut off Family. Now I'm Loving myself more, nhealing sending Hugs to you.n Everyone else.

[@silverline8855]

Same here. It's still difficult. I want to collect all knowledge I can in order to stay stronger. And remember the sentence: Don't argue with fools. (Covert) narcissists and sociopaths are fools.

[@leahflower9924]

I never cared about my coping techniques including deflection because I knew it was all about survival but once I had kids I became horrified with all of my defense mechanisms and all my denial, kids will make you see how much you need to change

[@leahflower9924]

There is almost never anything wrong with the kid unless they were born psychopathic, bad kids are made not born

[@Jane.Doe.]

You shouldn't have to "get through" to someone or "explain" to them how to be a decent human being.

[@silverline8855]

Some people have invisible walls and earplugs.

[@queengoblin]

And it's not our job. I keep trying to "help" my mother understand me. But no one else needs "help" understanding me because they're willing to see me. So it's not my job to show her how to treat me well is it? If she wanted to she would.

[@leahflower9924]

@@queengoblin bad moms love saying I don't know whats wrong with you and I don't understand you! The best is when they compare you to your siblings and say siblings don't get too emotional etc....

[@queengoblin]

@@leahflower9924 oof. I keep coming back to this video forgetting I've commented here and am going through the abuse cycle again. Seeing my past comments is a jarring wakeup call. I only come to this video when it's happening and I need validation which means I'm not getting any. I need to admit that my family will never change. It's time for me to go my own way.

[@MG123abc1]

Painful truths: I can hold both love and anger toward a person and I do not act consciously when angry. I actually want relationships but avoid them out of fear. Shame is a motivator in my life. Thank you for this reminder. I greatly appreciate your work, Teal. Your work has been and continues to be an integral contribution to my personal healing journey. Blessings

[@arianaelektra7184]

you literally just described my life. How do I heal as the scapegoated child of a deflecting mother?

[@silverline8855]

Taking a healthy distance is what I'm doing and consider your mother as being childish (in the sense of not taking any responsibility for her actions). Being un-aware.

[@queengoblin]

Learning to trust yourself and your perceptions. Stepping back from the relationship in whatever way feels best to you.

[@Tatacchan]

Self-Love.... It is the answer to everything. :)

[@RippleDrop.]

Understanding there are forces greater than your family at play. She isn't strong enough to handle the truth. On the other hand, you can combat the force she was too weak to.

[@leahflower9924]

We as scapegoats would feel better if we admitted we need to write the toxic family off at least mentally if not physically what I mean is you don't put any mental energy into their behavior but will go to Thanksgiving, or just cut off contact altogether like their strangers

[@jamesd512]

Thank you for everything, Teal. I'm heartbroken about how much this very problem has caused me to hurt people, in the same way that I was hurt. I feel like I can start to be different now.

[@angelatswong4107]

I always suspected that that was the dynamic in my family. This makes total sense now in addition to watching all your videos & going through my own healing process. Thank God for you Teal for healing so many & helping me to feel safe while I search deep within myself. You help me feel normal & teach me how to love myself wholeheartedly. I love you to pieces Teal!!😘🌹

[@silverline8855]

I'm more like the ones being very susceptible for gaslighting, but I recognise this pattern a lot in my relationships. Some people you cannot get through at all, so they are deflecting anything you try to communicate. It's like a common gaslight-technique as well? I've always been overreflective to the point of having no self or sense of reality at all, due to severe childhood trauma and abuse. They've succeeded in making me and my brother the scapegoats and taking away our power and confidence. I'm prone to learning everything I can about the subject to empower myself & come back stronger. This is really important information, thanks a lot.

[@HelloVanityy]

TRIGGERED (rightfully so). Thank you Teal

[@tashmoobabe8704]

The scary thing about this lecture is that this advice for healing the deflector/gaslighter is the same as what a deflector is telling their victim. They ask them to consider that they could be the "bad guy" in the relationship. There is no objectivity. Gaslighting victims might consider that possibility of being wrong themselves and then stay in the gaslighting. Instead, consider that you might be being gaslit. Your crime is then being the person who didn't just now take responsibility for creating something better, exerting discernment and courage, and that is hard.

[@Jellosvengeancejps]

tashmoobabe, I have the exact thinking as yours with what Teal was saying, my mother often told me that I was the one who confused her, and so did my younger sister. They both will say simultaneously, "Jennifer, you are the one, and we were thinking why you act like that!!" So I thought I was the gaslighter, until I am now 70 years old, and am fighting hard to tell myself otherwise, BUT I AM NEVER ABLE TO GET OUT OF A MENTALLY ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHOSE BROTHER AND SISTER ARE ALSO ABUSING ME. I committed suicide, but didn't die. My sisters son ended up making life miserable for all his girlfriends, and funny thing is that my sister was secretly telling all her son's girlfriends that her son doesn't deserve them. My OWN son and I feel so sad, and always take her son out to eat, but at the birthday dinner, my sister told her son saying: "Grandma does not like your girlfriend." Then her son broke out crying at the birthday dinner and ran to the bathroom. Now I am sounding as if I am the one who is doing gaslighting. But at least now, I know I am not. I love life, I love everyone, and my husband changed to realizing that his family is the abuser, and although they still wont let him go, and keep calling him, and writing to me, I just ignore them and w both go on vacations all the time. Love and Light to all _/\_

[@parrotshootist3004]

Huge difference is in laying it all out where it can be plainly seen by all. Compared to having someone actively run game on you, in this case the gaslighting sort.

[@silverline8855]

If you are a gaslight victim (just like me) I also think it's better to watch the videos about gaslighting. But I found this information to be helpful as well, I just don't consider myself as someone who deflects. I reflect too much, like many gaslight victims. We think everything is our own fault and that's why we're being taken advantage of. Unlearn the pattern is what I'm trying to do and it takes a lot of hard work.

[@curiosity_saved_the_cat]

Still I firmly believe that there are no such things as bad intentions, but only ignorance. People handle within the scope of their ability/consciousness. However, gaslighting really puts this perspective to the test. Especially when it's your believe in innate benevolence that is being gaslighted. Some people will hate you for not hating them, at that point I get a little scared and confused. Your lack of hate will put their hate into the spotlight and the only way for them to cover it up again is to make you hate them (sometimes at whatever cost). Or, your lack of need for competition will put their need for competition into the spotlight, which might cause them to feel ashamed. So the only way to cover it up again is to humiliate you to the point you will set a firm boundary which in turn is being perceived as conceding to their invitation for competition. Hearing Teal say gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse felt like a relief. Being gaslighted has evoked emotions within me that made me think I was the Devil at times. This video has provided me with a little more insight as to why it made me so furious. Thanks!

[@curiosity_saved_the_cat]

Da.Nobody Nameless Thanks for your elaborate response, you obviously have thought a lot about life. I watched a video on your channel in which you said not to doubt God since a lot of trouble starts there. I wasn't raised religiously in any way but like you, I think there's a lot of valuable truth in the bible. A soon as you start doubting God (Allah, Mother nature, Source or whatever you want to call it) you set yourself up for the believe evil is real. This believe is the beginning of a downwards spiral without an ending. Whatever games people are playing, it starts with good intentions that are more often that not covered by ignorance.

[@miasmatik]

Brilliant analysis!

[@moonbeamstry5321]

What about nature? Do you believe people can be born psychopaths?

[@RippleDrop.]

🤯

[@rababkhursheed]

Teal, I finally feel.understood and validated to my core. Thank you from my heart.

[@LaylaB]

Wow,the ending got me! Something I've been saying my whole life,but never ever heard someone else say it! Yes,it might take two to tango,but it takes ONE to destroy the connection

[@groominator-magneticequato7195]

Excellent breakdown of deflection vs projection & denial. As always, your analogies and examples are A+ and set you apart from many/most.

[@rebecca_stone]

This helps me understand not only my own killer shame, but why it's been almost impossible to explain how my abusive family and partners are being abusive. Deflection really is insidious - makes attacks 'invisible' to the naked eye. A dog whistle from hell. Thank you Teal.

[@gavinpickering4747]

I love your sense of humor Teal Swan. Thanks for these videos! They help me be a better counselor!

[@VenusVoice]

LOL you keep such a boss face even after that string cut fail. This is my new mic drop

[@evetodew]

hahah, I thought the same! Brilliant string cut fail. If I were Teal I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face ;)))))

[@DivyanshuChowdharyJi]

Blake let go of the string before Teal had the chance to cut it, so technically both of them got rid of it. 🤪🤣😂

[@alexandrataylor1989]

Thank you teal, I was a family scapegoat, this helped so much!

[@jistutz]

I feel there is a big part of myself that cannot stand to accept good feelings about myself and goes into deflection or denial if presented with affirmation and validation from my higher self. Aaaand, there the anxiety that I would be "blaming" another if I admit that I am not wrong in my feelings.

[@frozenfan3092]

I think you are the only person on the planet who knows whats going on with angry people. I'm just drawing away here learning from you, It is so refreshing to listen to you talk.

[@UnUsedAndUnWanted]

I love that I've just watched this because it just gave me the greatest confidence boost that I needed. I've been thinking all year that I was being terrible whether it was reactive abuse or just me. I feel shame whenever I snap, whenever I've been pushed to that point and I feel backed into a corner. I always feel shame because I do have mental illnesses, so i always without question thought it was me. Now that I know where it stems from I can start analyzing my thought processes better. Thank you

[@thelegendofsheasho5521]

Thank you, Teal for this. I'm being gaslighted by a friend and didn't know how to deal with it. I'm seeing signs of gas lighting everywhere and you've helped a lot

[@MeganS1995]

This is so enlightening. Especially the bit about repair and the scapegoated person--the repair fantasy is so common there. Apologies aren't a simple "sorry"--they involve change.

[@theedivinetruth9373]

I have been having a spiritual awakening recently even now I'm still going through the anxiety of my awakening What you saying actually confirms my realisation that The world I perceive is a reflection of my unconsciousness and every present moment is my unconsciousness that I brought to myself to heal

[@MegJ326]

3:30 Goal: Be able to take the blame/responsibility and all the negative emotions, while at the same time not feel like a bad person 14:40 - about main relationship - look for the excuses you're using in that circumstance for how the situation is about the other person

[@karenhardin4566]

~Thank you, Teal! Again, you brought me to the crux of my problem with my family experience and explained it! 👀My parents are the ones using the scissors & I cannot continue to feel like it's my fault! 🙏🏽 So grateful for your sharing! Namaste 🙏🏽

[@elizabethgeorginanoriegalo1264]

Thank you dear Teal, I know now all the damage and illness that my son had( OCD) is consequence of my childhood, bad relationship with me and my husband and deflection ,now my two son and I are taking therapy, talking to much about ours emotions, each day I learn more about me and my sons, 🙏 thank you for sharing these video’s awareness 💜🌹

[@macoeur1122]

OMG…I don’t know how I missed this one! What you describe at 5:45 is MY STORY EXACTLY…all except that, instead of internalizing the idea that I was “flawed”…. I did go through a phase of considering that possibility….Then through literally decades of total confusion and cognitive dissonance….with no resolution other than to settle on “something is seriously wrong here….whether I can figure it out or not” ….. to finally figuring it out, but still unsure if this bizarre scenario could actually have been as twisted as all that ….having never heard of anyone speak of such things. Just hearing it here is a huge validation. Thank you so much Teal!

[@plaideuse]

we have a "ritual" in my family ... every time someone disagrees with an other, we consciously trigger the weakest spot in the other so that he (the one who gets triggered) starts shouting or defending himself, so the one (who triggered) comes as a good guy (with "calm down I just want to help you"). It took me more than 20 years and a lot of depression to decode this behaviour but when I talked to my parents and siblings about this, they never agreed that they do it daily. Because "I just want to help you but you have anger problems so you're a problem, not me" sh * t. It's part of my family that we've inherited for decades. But... Than I came and said, "Whenever you do this, I'm gonna hug you because you are the one who needs help". Guess what. nothing has changed, they just stopped doing it to me because "you're weird again (= giving love when they tried to trigger me) I will not talk to you when you are in this state of mind, come back when you are normal again." they made me being the "bad guy" (= it is strange, inproper in our family to give love or to hug someone!), so after years we are not talking together any more, just small talk. it was easier for them to exclude me than to face their problems, so I stopped trying and accepted it. After years of internal work, I returned to my parents' house to talk. I tried very much to open up about all the things I've worked on but they remained the same. the only thing they take out of our conversation was "oh, so you take antidepressants now?" so they can use it against me later. all those years. nothing changed. And every time my family talk to me nowadays they start with "are you ok or in a mental hospital again because honey, I'm with you whenever you are feeling sick just call me". some people never change :) So let go of those and you will be free again. Sorry for the long post I just wanted you guys know how fuck*d up some families are :D

[@sehrinteressant]

impressed by your journey. you got so far, you can be proud of yourself

[@chitrarakshasi1661]

😺This! 👌Hugs👍 Brilliant😺 On a serious note, ritual brilliantly decoded. My birthfamily employs similar tactics including aversion to honesty, emotional intimacy, and especially, hugs😸😸😸

[@siryoucantdothat9743]

The problem is not about reflecting on oneself but in the social relations with people when there is no time to think and reflect on whats happening you just know that your moving by irrational forces and it never stops on repeating because of the pain aversion that is so deeply built in the psyche

[@RainboRetard]

Awe Blake looked so sad when she cut the connection string. Thanks for the video, loved it.

[@himanshusekhar3354]

Congratulations for 1 Million subscribers 🎉🎉🎉🚀

[@Joeljoel1111]

Where have you been all my life? Thank you very much. I literally just bought three of your books.

[@stacyevans4438]

1. My mother will never admit when she does something wrong but when we do the same mistake she will scold us and I have always stood up for that. I have told her multiple times to accept her mistake. 2. WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT OUR PARENTS look like grown adults who have everything figured out but instead they are A CHILD IN AN ADULT BODY. 3. If you feel there is slightly also something wrong ask them, confront them until and unless you don't get the satisfactory answer out of it. Trust your instincts that your intuition is right. For calming your instinct's voice ASK QUESTIONS when have doubts. Until and unless it's not clear do not give yourself the self explanation to avoid your instinct's voice.

[@ascendingneet2263]

I know you're a spiritual leader but I hope maybe you'll consider making a hair tutorial one day

[@MP-oy9gw]

🤣

[@illillyillyo]

Heheh well, she does have a few recipe videos, so why not? XD

[@ursaart4587]

😆😂

[@a.g.5396]

🙈😂

[@johnnychavez3740]

Hair tutorial? YOUR SO LAME.

[@Salmoninyourrice]

My father is this way with my older sister in particular. She has a mental health problem that has gone undiagnosed for al her life, it’s very noticeable. She’s 25. Me and my younger sister remember distinctly our father not communicating with our older sister at all. When my parents separated this became more apparent. Everyone kept telling my father he needed to work on his relationship with her but his answer is always she doesn’t talk to me. She walks past me. He’s even argued with her and it causes her to get really upset and have panic attack. The worst of it is when he called her crazy and said she was disrespectful for ignoring him. It makes my blood boil because I can’t do anything about it. She still lives at home and I fear everyday for her well being once I move out.

[@AnthonyL0401]

17:05 Stronger bond than expected

[@AlicitySherie]

Teal, thank you for powerful insights in this video, it really resonated within me. There needs to be so much more education about scapegoating and gaslighting abuse in our society, we can not heal our shame by hiding from it.

[@AlicitySherie]

Dare to reflect instead of deflect, that's dope

[@TheFissionIsMailed]

This. Not to mention then said human grows up on the notion that something was wrong with them, convinced by others or themselves that medication was a requirement to improving their well being. Then we have an entire generation of those are pointlessly on anti-depression meds forever thinking there was something wrong with them, when their really wasn't from the get go. I really hope people wake up from all the crap lies others feed them. Good video teal. ♥

[@impossibledreams6115]

I swear to GOD this is EXACTLY what happened to me with my mom. I seriously need help she made me doubt my own reality and distrust her and a lot of things all she cares about is control and her own self concept and it is incredibly toxic I can't fucking take it it's driving me insane. I hate her

[@MikkoMurmeli]

I know the feeling, trust me... I can see the shame in my mother too, she even has admitted to it but refuses to go there. However, I realized (thanks to Teal saying it, partly) that you (me, you, everyone) can't just keep pointing the finger on others and on circumstances and on everything but us. We are both the victim and the abuser. If we were only victims and not abusers, there would be no need for these videos, but there is. Our parents did not want to become what they became like, but they did nonetheless, and unlike us, they had less tools at their disposal in our age, to deal with these things. So it falls to us. It's okay to be angry and sad and resentful about it, as long as you remember how you feel if someone else feels those emotions and you can't understand or relate where they're coming from with that. Which usually would make them the bad guys in one's eyes. It's us who need to start owning our badness and to help others through setting an example. Emotional wounds are real, despite what some people say, as if emotions didn't exist or could be flipped off without any consequences just like that... the healing MUST start from ourselves.

[@BoundlessSearpent]

@@MikkoMurmeli indeed and when we realise we deserve feeling at ease not like something is wrong all the time or we are doing something wrong, the healidng takes place and it catapults ant catalyses us to our full potential and power , being ...

[@kylarose3585]

@@MikkoMurmeli I appreciate this perspective and relate to your emotional traumas in my own life. It is important for me to remember to communicate with the people I love about these things, rather than becoming too private to carry on fulfilling and healthy relationships

[@lucymadelengregg4482]

Same

[@k.k6483]

Amazing video, you explained this so incredibly clearly, THANK YOU

[@SCnative64]

I'm learning so much from Ms Swan. When we were young children, our Grandparents took custody of me and my little brother. My Grandma would get frustrated and angry with me and yell at me "You're just like your father!" (She didnt like my biological father for some reason). I forgive her, and there was love there - but I've gained insight into why I was angry with my own Grandmother - like as a young man. I mean really angry.

[@dark2light96usaisa9]

Teal is just full of wonderful insight, wisdom and knowledge. More accurately it's a well honed ability to perceive, understand and explain the fundamental aspects of our human experience. An ability we all have that really can encompass anything you put to it. A very inspiring person :) Thanks for what you are doing.

[@justasomeone7860]

This is really quite a good video. In light of the controversy at the moment around the docu-series that has been done about her recently (which I haven't watched but have seen clips of), I think it would be really good for Teal to watch this one of her own videos and self-reflect significantly more. I can well believe that the documentary editors had it in for her, grossly misrepresented her, etc. But there are some things you don't need more context to recognise when you have been through certain things and have decent awareness about them as a result of working through them. Teal has a lot of good awareness to offer, and she definitely has her own blind spots. I hope all this coming up will give her the chance she needs to start to recognise them, and I hope she will find the self-compassion to be able to accept them and find the healing that she needs around them.

[@glodonnell]

I had to watch this twice because after watching the first time I actually became aware of how much I was deflecting how this technique applied to me

[@yohna33]

so scary how I was a scapegoated child with the exact kind of childhood explained in the video but has become a deflector, and been totally unaware of it. I pushed that part of me who deflects totally out of my sight so that I don't feel like the monsters I grew up with. more and more realizing how it's so much easier to become an abuser when you've been abused. I feel so ashamed right now, owning up to the fact that I've hurt someone I love by totally deflecting onto them.

[@ushamgr4588]

So the abused becomes same as the abuser ?

[@sandramunoz8320]

thank you! this explains a dynamic very well. people who deflect are trapped!

[@sandramunoz8320]

*a dynamic I was in but I Saw the Light and Left

[@lucymadelengregg4482]

This described the relationship I have with my mother.

[@schmezz7508]

I don't understand how I can accept myself as guilty/shameful / responsible if as an innocent child, my parents caused the hurt? How do I accept responsibility for stuff they did?

[@Aprayerfortheloney]

Yes 💓 Thank you Teal for yet another wise video that I didn't know I needed and yet spoke to my soul. I remember being that child taken to see the doctor at 9 years old after an episode of self harming to see what was wrong with me! Yes indeed the gaslighting that went on behind my back, with the most obvious reason (abusive parenting) conveniently discarded. Hmm... This still goes on in our society, especially with mother's playing the concerned parent and getting sympathy when in actual fact they are the one causing a child pain. We might not like to face maternal evil but it does exist and pretending it doesn't just leaves a child to blame themselves and be blamed by others? For what purpose? To protect the parental reputation maybe? The effects on the child can be devastating though, not enough consideration is given to this , society should be trained to spot the signals of child abuse and not just take the side of the abusers the parents because they can put on a good show , after all these years it still makes me sad, but for my own sake I'm learning to let go. I am finally understanding the depth of pain I went through, and it's so important to me ,so that I don't pass it onto my own children. This abuse cycle ends with me, I'll call it what it is, because when I tried to as a child no one listened or protected me, and that's about the most lonely and soul destroying thing that can happen to anyone.

[@holliew36]

I understand and relate to your story!! I'm sorry you went through this, sending hugs!! ❤

[@Aprayerfortheloney]

@@holliew36 Thank you ❤️ I really appreciate that.

[@Savrose211]

Great video! So helpful💕 Could you please talk more about this topic. & more ways on how to heal this🙌🏽

[@Theplanettd87]

This video was deep. Thank you.

[@kimelliot5283]

My goodness I would love to have a conversation with you!! I have no problem admitting I'm wrong, I've been wrong my whole life. My situation occurred in therapy and there is no deflecting at least not on a conscious level.

[@missj794]

Teal, this video is so good, do you have a video or can you do one that addresses the person who is deflected upon? (If you were the child in your example).

[@thoomm]

Enlightening content!! Thank you so much!

[@ascensionlight3125]

Teal you are speaking exactly what im untangling...wow in tune

[@kayleepotkonen1187]

Ascension Light amazing me too

[@itsamirageee]

Does anyone else get extremly overwhelemd by shadow work? When i watch videos like this, i get anxious and wonder if I'm doing these things and this leads to a lot of overthinking and self doubt and while im in this process of awakening i constantly fear im not doing enough and this is all the ego so then im like why does it matter anyway its just a concept im so conused

[@SolluxAmpora]

Ohokokok 444 same. I run into this kind of thinking from time to time but then I start to consciously watch how I am evolving everyday and working to cultivate love and open communication but to very unconscious people it may look like I am the deflector or abusive but that is not my concern. With some unconscious people you will always been seen as bad simply because you shine a light on their own abusive behavior and patterns.

[@raphaellavelasquez8144]

I'm afraid to go to a therapist because I feel the mental health system has done this to me.

[@alexism.malone7185]

Have you tried a trauma specific therapy like EMDR?

[@carolinekeel8163]

Teal is such a fucking gold mine of knowledge

[@Sei1989]

5:30 - 6:10... everything clicks*.. thank you Teal Swan

[@gloryrae1481]

I am always appalled by her accuracy to tap into my deep seeded issues. What a gift Teal Swan is in this 2D reality

[@stephanieveenstra]

Thank you so much. You explained my mother in her early days to me.

[@aleyda720]

I really do love this video, so true...I have had this happen my whole life. Good to hear this opinion from someone else. :) Thank you Teal Swan.

[@pamelastorch]

Thank you Teal, I kept leaving my body while watching this, this was my entire childhood and now adulthood since this dynamic keeps repeating and being mirrored in my relationships. I have done crazy amounts of shadow work, yet never was able to put this into words. What would you recommend for people on the receiving side of deflection, who grew up believing they are crazy and are bad for existing? I keep attracting co-dependent situations and never feel safe enough to be in my body or this world. My spiritual journey is to ground 5D energy into 3D, yet I keep flying away from 3D from fear. Thank you. Much love, Pam

[@ghostdancer555]

Indigo Warrior Music I experienced exactly the same, I fell asleep 3 times what never happened before watching her videos...

[@pixieseyz]

Indigo Warrior Music very good question and I can so relate with your feelings on this...

[@DiazdelVivar]

Indigo Warrior Music I also want that answer!!!! where is Teal???????

[@Preeti_Berry]

Guys did you find any answer for this.......I really need to know.....the same thing is happening between my elder siblings and me........peace, love you all❤️

[@yeseniaorozco3463]

Key thing here is creating an environment that feels safe. This starts with your inner dialog with yourself. Be aware of everything that hurts you that you are telling yourself. Then question that thought. Where did this thought come from? Then question why you need that thought pattern. (Could be because the only attention you received was negative so you feel anytime you give yourself attention it should be negative). Underline thing here is you need attention but not this kind of abusive attention. Loving attention is needed. From there you can shift. Declare a new intent! I want to give myself loving attention without any conditions to be met. Once you are there for yourself in this loving way you will not be able to in a relationship that causes damage. Because you'll have a taste of unconditional love.

[@biancavonmuhlendorf2608]

What is parents who do not even play the rescuer, but just destroy..

[@Marikasilverthorne]

Wow 😮 this was intense thank you for sharing I have a lot to think about

[@lightofall]

I was the goat but now estranged and thank god. But still, everyday i experience deflection from others who are unable to self reflect at all

[@thecoolestgingerkid]

This popped up on the very top of my KZbin feed so I know I must need to watch it 🙃 here I go 🙏🏻

[@circusoverseer6577]

I was destroyed by this, and I can't heal. I don't trust anybody, especially in a relationship. My situation was in a marriage. I would "get my leg broken" and then when I'd say I was hurting, or say I needed time alone, I got told I was crazy and had anger problems. I was taking a strong anxiety medicine that made me exhausted for "anger issues." Before the marriage I was so calm and quiet that people told me I needed to speak up for myself. I was always chill. The way I changed is bad. I always feel like I'm nuts. Awesome video.

[@falsehoodbasher7240]

" they spend *all of their time* " is The part you got wrong part they makes as close to zero amount of effort as possible even to "fix" their harm or aka fix their child or however they wanna twist it. they resent to have to spend *any* resources

[@IevaPony]

Oh my... you just literally described my situation (and my parents unfortunately).

[@KristinaMaca8]

Really crazy how the destroyment of the ribbon went down

[@snoopydos00]

I never thought this would actually define my core wound before i clicked. I was just curious what deflection means and lol, you described my childhood, guess many ppl have taken that role of a very responsible and independent reliable parent that it made them miss the fact that they actually put the blame on the child when it was supposed to be their fault and thus their responsibility 💔 so selfish they can’t think of how it could affect, and in the long run still deny the truth about this and be like nothing’s ever wrong. We really need to bring awareness coz no one deserves to suffer just because the other person in charge didn’t know better. Guess it ends with us. I’m being careful with my niece, and i wish to enlighten also who’s taking care of her rn. Wakey wakey

[@albaLu02]

Wow this was right to the core 💪💪💪🥺🥺🥺🔥🔥🔥🔥 Thank you!!!

[@soniczforever5470]

I met someone extremely unkind and I still bought stuff from them I threw the item in the bin as all I could feel was their HATE. I felt sad as I was badly treated. I now give people no opportunity to do it anymore.

[@pambennett8967]

The people I loved DIED because I didn’t know this stuff. I deflected and gaslit and buried my feelings underground by abandoning and dismissing . I now have to find a way not to hate myself .i destroyed and murdered by extension my son my ex husband and my soul mate of 30 years . Slow learner but it all happened in a 3 year span. I’ve been struggling to piece it together in the aftermath. It is hell on earth to know how big a part I was in their suffering.

[@BobSmith-kd4oc]

Is this why so many mothers put their children on medication for ADHD at the age of 1 year old?

[@francinehoenner5369]

What do you say about mental health having to do with emotional health? How do the layers of physical pain have to do with emotional pain? Psychosomatic?

[@maddscientist3170]

yes DEFLECTION seems to be a huge issue with people. What is obvious to the person asking a question to another..you can actually hear see the avoidance in their response.......You can onto to it pretty fast if you are around someone....after awhile the "drama' is always there & sometimes spirals to the point of finally hitting rock bottom.........Only then does one "take a look" at themselves.

[@jesserivera9704]

Right on Teal. Going thru so much Shadow work currently, onward and upward through my own shitty behaviour. Literally got into it about this stuff yesterday with my mother. I feel very glad and also devilishly cool since it's indicated our vibes are somewhat near each other. I wish I could both Like and Dislike this at the same time! Space High-Five! Have a kickass Saturday Teal!

[@jesserivera9704]

and back again.

[@msdenisemartinez]

Yup, My mom took me to a therapist when I was a kid and the therapist told her that I wasnt the problem. Hmmm Dont remember why, lol.. but it all makes sense now.

[@kemaberry3538]

Sounds like gaslighting. Husband has done this for years. Now what? Impossible to get through.

[@Jadenmic]

Did you ever figure it out?

[@musicsnob4226]

I use to love listening to heal and needed some personal help with healing from something similar which she had been through. I emailed her. I knew it would be quite a while if ever she responded. But instead of messaging me back either with a secretary or default message that could arrange a meeting I was prompted to join some monthly news letter which I had to pay for.

[@byNataliaCosta]

Another clarifying video. Thank you Teal!!! :) You rock!!!

[@Ivana7002]

Interesting way to help ourselves feel better.Thanks!

[@liamiapalmer9870]

This is very very true

[@valerie4646]

Hi Teal. Please do more on this subject. Many thanks.

[@7secularsermons]

Show this video to someone who is deflecting, and they'll say "this is brilliant! This explains how you're deflecting all the time!"

[@NeverLValid]

So is this why I keep making excuses for abusive people because someone growing up did that to me.

[@mariadivinity9251]

so powerful and beautiful!

[@Openingtheshadow]

I hear you Teal

[@Prophezora]

my mom was the same way! Ha interesting to hear others talk about this....but now we have a better relationship

[@ChristianHedman]

Wowowowowow. Glad I found this video, and channel. Very well formulate message and clearly this person I speaking truth. I am impressed and thankful for her effort. This stuff is rough to deal with and more people need to talk about it in my opinion.

[@iulianprecup4103]

Thank you :)

[@antonyliberopoulos933]

Thank you Teal.