Joan Halifax: Compassion and the true meaning of empathy

www.ted.com Buddhist roshi Joan Halifax works with people at the last stage of life (in hospice and on death row). She shares what she's learned about compassion in the face of death and dying, and a deep insight into the nature of empathy.
TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. Featured speakers have included Al Gore on climate change, Philippe Starck on design, Jill Bolte Taylor on observing her own stroke, Nicholas Negroponte on One Laptop per Child, Jane Goodall on chimpanzees, Bill Gates on malaria and mosquitoes, Pattie Maes on the "Sixth Sense" wearable tech, and "Lost" producer JJ Abrams on the allure of mystery. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in a variety of languages are now available on TED.com, at www.ted.com/tra....

[@annetallegrand5656]

I watched this many years ago, maybe in 2013, I came back and watched it again today, I needed to hear this, again. I am a nurse now, back then I was a new counselor. I am one of the people that run to suffering people, I run to help the hurting. It’s just me. Now as a nurse, I see my capacity for holding this space for others. My heart and hands belong to humanity. Call me crazy, but I know that I’m doing what I was born to do. Wow, ok thank you for reading this😩☺️😆 I’m not strange. I’m a healer.

[@jamesreid7850]

Thank you for your comment. I watched this as part of my contemplation of compassion in the midst of racism, and revenge. I have a polish neighbour that holds on to intensely anti Jewish and anti russian views. The potential to change must be there. ❤👍☯️

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

I'm a healer too. Haya.

[@Guerrillamoviemaker]

❤

[@MeMe-wt2le]

Compassion isn’t a luxury IT IS A NECESSITY! Have empathy, have hope, have FAITH!!!

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I grew up without being shown empathy/compassion and I have mental illness because of it. Also love and compassion can keep people who go to war from developing post-traumatic stress. Listening and engaging with people help them understand themselves and things better, even a small conversation that may seem insignificant can change the wiring of someone's brain or the chemicals produced in their bodies, affecting their health, intelligence, mood. There's joy when you know you can provide something of this value to someone else.

[@Lou-C]

Beautiful talk. I have chosen to interpret her message as being directed to everyone, not just women. Compassion has no gender.

[@aDolphinChaser]

You are a Beautiful Human

[@mozartwolfgang4656]

Compassion is a sickness.

[@OffbeatsMusic]

I hope that sickness overtakes the body of the world.

[@WestlyEdell]

Thank you. As a man, I was somewhat taken back. I don't know why she chose to exclude 50 percent of the population.

[@simplecitizen8161]

❤🙏

[@gillian8540]

Roshi Joan Halifax never ceases to amaze me with her passion, her power and her intimate understanding of compassion. "Love and compassion are necessities" -- yes!! May we all grow to understand this, deeply and fully.

[@hastalueguito]

This is one of the most beautiful and true speeches. It is true that men, instead of feeling empowered by the strenght and intelligence of his female (sisters, wife, mother..), they feel threatened. How can we overcome this? I'd like to quote Germaine Greer: "The opposite to patriarchy is not matriarchy but fraternity, yet I think it’s women who are going to have to break this spiral of power and find the trick of cooperation" Lots of love to everyone

[@illiJomusic]

Our masculine traditions have been corrupted and dismantled for so long by the war machines. We lack understanding of both feminine energy and the masculine role, but there is an awakening. The end of my marriage last year sent me on the path and I have found so much clearly. I had no idea what my purpose was as a parter and so i failed my wife when she couldn't be there for us during her healing process. Women are the gateway between two worlds, they are powerful and wild, compassionate and wrathful. As a man I seek to learn to hold space, maintain center and support and protect. I have compassion for her and am learning compassion for myself.

[@IChoseTheRedPill]

i don't know, i don't see why people dislike this so much... i felt she was genuine, others feel she's fake... she spent portions of her adult life reaching out to others in order to minimize suffering or ease weary minds... this woman should be admired for just being who she is and what she represents... i say big thumbs up on this video!!! Mitakuye Oyasin Kensho

[@SamuelSwinton]

The way people react to things often says more about themselves than the speaker.

[@Positive_Pepper]

@@SamuelSwinton You're very wise.

[@karmakaleon1253]

We need more people like her in the world

[@larrynewman1219]

Hello 👋🤗.... How are you doing..??

[@VidsHero]

She made a very clear speech full of love and kindness.

[@sopheapchenofficial76]

She is amazing. Most of the time, when talking about compassion, people said because you are a woman that’s why you have strong compassion than others (men). As I know compassion is natural born and learn. It has no gender. The technological area need more compassions for leaders. Without them or less, leaders become cruel and greedy. So I appreciate her talk no matter what religion she is holding. I am much appreciate.

[@ElCirculoTheCircle]

A video that perhaps needs to be revisited. I watched this many years ago, yet today it held so much of what I needed to hear. Worth sharing on your social medias. Wouldn't it be cool if Compassion went viral.

[@brendan3518]

Roshi Joan Halifax is a true inspiration. I am so grateful to have met her on a few occasions, and she helped me enormously in the area of teaching meditation in prison. This is an absolutely fantastic talk, and it comes right from her heart and her decades of walking the walk.

[@sophieandfriends5468]

So thrilled to stumble across this talk. Joan so profoundly sums up the power of compassion - both for transforming our own lives and for healing our wider world. We’re here to help kids learn compassion from the very start - to bring about the shift towards peace and kindness and harmony with the natural world that we all need to survive.

[@jerrylittlemars]

Come on now. Why so much hate? Apparently 117+ people don't have compassion. And all of you who are complaining about how she sounded; grow up! It's about WHAT she said, not how she sounded! I LIKED this video. Peace to all of you.

[@ditezbitch]

Seeing suffering clearly is not enough, we must act to transform it. That's easy enough to grasp, but she adds an important insight: we cannot be attached to outcome. Thumbs up (c:

[@klightlightmusic]

When we suffer we are caught in ego tempest. Anger, resentment, revenge, wanting outcome. Here is a solid teaching that one Can practice compassion without gaining satisfaction in outcome. Practicing compassion is a verb. We act. We decide. Because a use we understand it is healing for self and others. We do not need to necessarily feel holy. We take action within and without. Compassion is what can begin our own inner healing. It begins to sooth our own fire. It is not necessarily soft. It can be fierce. We begin.

[@hartnurz]

Beautiful

[@hartnurz]

Beautiful. I'm so glad that I stumbled upon this. What really resonated with me & I hope that I can incorporate more fully into my practice (one of among many important points) as a critical care nurse, is to practice compassion without being attached to outcome. It has always been important to me to give the best , most evidence based care and I find that I take it deeply to heart when I am not enabled to do so or if, despite doing all we can, a person passes. I know that death is a part of life, truly, but I still take it personally. I need to be reminded not to internalize this or see it as failure, this may not be that persons' path at this particularly time, to do what I can to relieve suffering, aide them and their family to find some peace and meaning in the journey. Thank you so much for your thoughtful, intelligent share

[@obamamodglin7632]

Some have mentioned the emphasis on women in this talk on compassion. First of all understand that the history of Buddhism has been highly patriarchal. Second it should be understood that women in general are more compassionate than men because of social conditions. Third Joan is speaking in the context of being a woman as she asks other women to water the seeds of compassion in men. On the other hand there are many compassionate men and many women who lack compassion.

[@SaintNektarios]

The majority of the greatest spiritual leaders have been men.

[@samuelacosta4866]

She's speaking to her audience bro

[@AntifascistAllDay]

Thanks for explaining that.

[@Bfavrestarr415]

This talk was so good! I have absolutely no idea why there are so many dislikes. Perhaps people aren't paying attention, cause the audience at TED thought she deserved a standing ovation. Her content was great, and despite was some of you say, I can see that she is passionate about her subject matter. And what does it matter that she is a woman? What matters is her impact, and I loved it.

[@dianaandelsa]

As someone in pain myself I look at some of the negative comments with despair for the whole of humankind. What this woman is saying rings so true but maybe you have to have gone through great pain yourself in order to understand it.

[@TD-oq6vt]

What negative comments?

[@GJKincses]

ALWAYS REMEMBER - Compassion is a passion for understanding and empathy which opens up the heart into the soul - music transcends it - and humanity blends it

[@ThuHa-ym7pe]

Thank you for her speech.

[@awakentograc]

Completely inspiring to me!

[@ZiggyLu-og3zp]

Jesus was the master of compassion. He died a horrendous death on a Roman cross for the world. Yet they esteemed him not. He lived for people, he healed people, set them free from oppression and gave them hope. Then they crucified him. This is true compassion. He will do the same for you if you ask him to come into your heart today. He is still compassionate an still merciful.

[@briansullivan5481]

True compassion is opposed to comparison and acts in opposition to any form of discrimination… Everyone needs compassion and everyone has compassion. Thanks for caring.

[@slangsd]

@therealbreadfan I like your #4 evaluation of compassion. It is truly a tricky thing to determine what is truly compassionate. Our understanding of help may be a hindrance to the recipient. I think true compassion doesnt start with creating a solution for the person in harm, but to just be there and listen to others with an open heart and an open mind. Its not my job to heal people, but to give them the safe and loving environment to allow them to heal themselves.

[@georgekiapos1]

In reading several of the comments below, I see viewpoints and opinions that are either in support or ridicule of Joan Hailfax's presentation. For me, I was moved by the intention in delivering her topic. This can be done in a host of ways that may be either agreeable or not to others' sociopolitical stances. Her idea of spreading the meaning of compassion is of benevolence. How we reach others with a cause is often dependent upon sociopolitical methods. It is the structure of the culture from which we live. Spreading the word more often than not is dependent upon such conventions. We don't necessarily have to agree with the convention in order to receive the importance of any given message.

[@daquanstaley4687]

George Kiapos the truth is that those people in these comments who are are acting ridicules are lost and i agree with what you are saying also

[@mantralayamsrinath9920]

A beautiful talk. Some of the comments do elicit laughter. Many years back a friend of mine used a phrase and it aptly applies to some of the comments here. The phrase is "intellectual masturbation" (no offence intended). Joan Halifax speaks about compassion. That's it. Full stop. Listen to it, learn it and practise it. Simple and straightforward. One is free to discard what one not find appealing.

[@samuelacosta4866]

Just because you disagree with what she has to say about compassion, her description of what it IS is moving and informing and it's actually contesting the very definition that most people use.

[@zorazorazorzzora8333]

Mantralayam Srinath Ohhhh I got remember that “ intellectual masturbation.” Lol

[@hyoh-wu]

I wonder if compassion is exclusive humans. Great speech!

[@TomeRodrigo]

dolphins, elephants ..etc..

[@lenaslife]

I love everything about this talk, except for the slant towards females. Why can't men feel compassion as well? I feel like this would almost DISCOURAGE them! Everything else she said, though, really touched my heart.

[@katherinewilson1853]

I think she expressed what she was trying to say wrong. Men and women feel compassion. It is that our energy bodies are composed differently. Men naturally are structured to hold energy more easily, while women's energy bodies let it flow easily. Compassion is a very masculine trait, particularly when the deep intuitive wisdom is mirrored and held in a healthy community. Obviously, we have *much* larger communities than ever before on this planet. It's my interpretation she is encouraging women to not forget it's possible to cultivate and hold that energy for women, rather than it is being exclusive.

[@katherinewilson1853]

I think she expressed what she was trying to say wrong. Men and women feel compassion. It is that our energy bodies are composed differently. Men naturally are structured to hold energy more easily, while women's energy bodies let it flow easily. Compassion is a very masculine trait, particularly when the deep intuitive wisdom of women is mirrored and held in a healthy community. Obviously, we have *much* larger communities than ever before on this planet. It's my interpretation she is encouraging women to not forget it's possible to cultivate and hold that energy for women, rather than it is being exclusive.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I wish compassion was associated with manhood.

[@fitforfreelance]

compassion is a core value for my business because it's the foundation for change!

[@yozenbalki]

❤❤ Yes! Compassion is more greatness than the Love. Love has its own fear of losing something. Whereas, Compassion is a kind of total surrender to Nature Mother with so much of love plus courageousness to move on, despite the loses of our beloved living beings. So, Only the fearless abundant Love is called the Compassion in my own dictionary ever!! ❤❤🎉🎉 Yozenbalki Senior Psychologist Chennai

[@Carols_BooksandFibers]

Excellent talk on compassion.

[@BlueBass2]

beautiful

[@rupanshichawda5320]

Such beautiful words!

[@ImDrizzt]

No idea why this has so many dislikes, thought it was amazing. Good speech

[@angelamossucco2190]

Teaching us that Pity; Moral-Outrage and Fear are the *enemies* of compassion. ❤ Wow. It seems clear now. Newly so. Teaching us to understand compassion as a seed that needs watering and sunlight (parents who show unconditional love to their baby and child loving them AS THEY ARE) - to sprout and grow is invaluable. Gabor Mate teaches us this too. Kids and babies are imprinted by the repeated behaviors toward them. When they receive love and compassion they BECOME love and compassion. Teaching us that compassion IS and is not connected to outcomes. WOW❤. Thank you. This will help my practice as a mother and as a school teacher.

[@janicedesilva9057]

It's a necessity indeed!!! Love this

[@098anne]

Wonderful message :)

[@true22united4everything3]

I'll be absolutely honest I'm here because I watched a very bad this girl posted and it shook me up now I gotta see the good in humanity

[@billcipher2893]

Being compassionate can mean being at the mercy of others. I've seen caretakers being taken advantage of, not being taken seriously and even disrespected due to their soft, forgiving nature. Compassionate people can build all sort of boundaries but some snakes do go out of their way to bite the hand that feeds them. I respect these people a lot and am very thankful for their presence but can't afford to be one of them

[@kathyraven]

Amazing talk, thank you

[@Zeddd7]

Are you Buddhist? It's hard to say as a Buddhist that Buddhism is a religion and that's all there is to it. It's also hard to say that Buddhism is a philosophy and that's all there is to it. It's also hard to say that Buddhism is a way of life and that's all there is to it. You can't really nail Buddhism to any one of these ideals or any other ideals and say, "that's Buddhism." To me Buddhism is a pointing out of the way to true, lasting happiness... but even that doesn't truly nail it.

[@VeenaArora-p2t]

Great talk

[@gulllars]

@adolthitler Thank you for the summary. After listening to the first two minutes i decided i could not listen to the entire thing without becomming overpoweringly irritated at the speaker. I totally agree with the content of the summary, and i've practiced this for a few years now. Not only for empathy/compassion, but for feelings in general. I have them, and i use them, but i don't let them rule me, i use them as input for deciding what to do. Some have noted this as being behaviourally "cold".

[@BTinHD]

She raised excellent points.

[@lourencoi.borges6879]

I feel moved!!

[@mindfulnessasia1082]

By one’s work, thoughts and words, an intelligent person must perform actions which will be beneficial for all living entities in this life and the next.

[@BigMTBrain]

WHEW! I see in the suggested video list that her FULL talk is nearly ONE HOUR long. Thank GAWD this was only a little over 13 minutes. Can you imagine?!? I could give this talk in 5 seconds: "HEY, Y'ALL!! Come on!!... Let's do a better job of caring for each other, OK?"

[@entubaotraducciones272]

Excellent talk. Thanks for sharing

[@PR0H0LDEM]

she is living in her own world, where she has an aswer to all problems

[@RagDoll2band]

Brilliant. I bow to living Avalókitéšvara.

[@TheNadiabear]

My Gosh, I needed this.

[@studentberry3131]

I needed more..her speech was nuturing

[@robertbaldwin2281]

Preacher with substance

[@sannimcable]

Amazing

[@mariam_tigress]

That's a brilliant talk, hard themes talked about with grace, but maybe it requires from the audience a bit of either personal or academic experience to perceive it fully.

[@Formosus111]

@Truthiness231 You couldn't tell a roshi was something related to buddhism by the fact the description said, "Buddhist roshi "? Also, buddhist meditation has been studied scientifically and there are numerous studies which show benefits to it.

[@lakaumbucha]

I’m just trying to have more compassion in my life.

[@begood4786]

You are doing well :)

[@akane8638]

Yup :D

[@worthmoremusic]

Roshi Joan Halifax IS compassion... The amount of selflessness she displays is phenomenal. _/\_

[@Silken_Sound]

i liked her message.

[@Yogimeisters]

I didn't see the whole video .. but from the first 2 minutes ... I would say : Compassion - is a shared passion ... We can identify the passion in the other - and find a common passion ... I think the bottom line is "Quality of life" ... (As a last resort "quality of death") .... but I think we all have a passion for a fruitful life ...

[@sjbosch56]

"An undefended heart." See "All My Sons" by Arthur Miller.

[@danielnewhouse5044]

Compassion is empathy for those who do not feel empathy.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I have compassion for people but when they're being sociopaths I stop showing them.

[@lucialeandro9039]

Tradução

[@thehungriestcannibal]

i'm only 14. recentlly, i've been trying to be more compassionate. i think empathy is not something earned or denied in certain cases, it is a human right to be treated with empathy.

[@vacamarianne7942]

Inspirador

[@Theembodimentchannel]

great stuff? why so many dislikes?!!!?

[@tomdjhill]

Strong back, Soft Front.

[@EleanorRealOne]

so many dislikes.. has anyone actually listened? She is not preaching , she is talking about universal well being and truths. Furthermore so what if she is focusing on women, about time someone did !!!

[@devourerofbabies]

Why is it that anyone preaching compassion instantly gets a lot of hate?

[@fertileboredom]

You can say competence and compassion can both exist in one doctor. I agree. My only point is, I, as the burn victim, don't care EVEN SLIGHTLY whether my pain is “shared”. And, frankly, any burn victim who did want the carer to “share” their pain is just a sadist. As a burn victim, I want my burn-pain to go away. Period. If the doctor loves their job and whistles while they work, I DON'T CARE. Just do the job right. Does anyone feel differently?

[@katherinewilson1853]

As a 2nd degree burn victim myself, I can tell you energy healing definitely helped me through some of the worst pain of my life. For other injuries: it has been the truly Enlightened and compassionate healers who have helped me the most. Not allopathic doctors. I use all types of medicine, but that's how it stands, right now.

[@dylanlawless1]

I love to observe the manifestation of the "selfish genes", which are exaggerated in humans,to the characteristic that is compassion. Compassion, i think, cannot be learnt. It is just inherent. A lecture on it serves as time to think about it and also observe, for those whom would like to, how one should act to be considered compassionate.

[@janemerschen7221]

so many instruments in the palms of Avelokitesvara

[@illiJomusic]

What a boss

[@papasitoman]

Compassion: Think before acting. Don't hurt others. Be honest. Work to better yourself and to educate yourself and others. Know that being angry all the time doesn't make things better. There. I said more then she did in the entire talk......

[@joelehering]

If i fall and hurt my toe wouldn't you automatically say "hey man yu ok?" Do we need to be told to do that? if its not automatic is it still empathy? Or is it a rule of behavior? What i get from this is that Joan Halifax is telling us that SHE is not automatically empathetic. which is maybe why her talk feels so strident.

[@SCAREDBANANA]

TED talks tend to be hit and miss. This is an example of the latter. If I want to hear about compassion or empathy or what ever, I would rather hear from some one who has actually studied that subject.

[@katherinewilson1853]

She has spent her life studying the subject. ??? And is the rank of roshi. How is that not qualified!?

[@whenindoubtdo]

I was wondering why this video had so many dislikes, then I realized she turned what could have been a very interesting talk into a ramble of partisan politics, gender-politics and religion. Not good.

[@Hugo411]

Guess it did not match YOUR politics, gender politics, and religion......so thus its "Not Good." So your comment is not relevant to the topic "Compassion and the true meaning of empathy". Try stepping out of your box.

[@whenindoubtdo]

Hugo411 This presentation was heavy on political-gender-religious rhetoric and almost devoid of science, studies and substance. If the political slant would have been different, it would have been equally as bad.

[@sylviamalkahcalderoncourie6561]

WOW!!!!!!

[@DBTdad]

This reminds me of Sting & the Police song "King of Pain".

[@acecamillaelisabethvalborg5836]

Wise

[@LuvnishAT]

the reason why i think women are viewed as the more compassionate sex, is probably because of the prejudice associated with the word. In most cultures, men are viewed as being the hard-hearted one and women the soft, compassionate person. Showing signs of compassion for a man is actually viewed as disgraceful by his peers; hence, peer pressure.

[@Seirceyourbuddy]

Great talk. I wonder though why it is directed only at women?

[@Seirceyourbuddy]

+Seirceyourbuddy to whomever replyed to me- thanks. I facepalm eternally.

[@samuelacosta4866]

look at the fucking aduience when it pans too it, and count the men. facepalm

[@cant1be1original]

@chibiariel I agree with you... And i think you agree with me. I agree with you that we would benefit from more science and logic. I think you agree with me that more compassion and love would benefit society as a whole. Now, how we administer the lessons to the masses I guess would change. You don't really have an answer just saying parents should. I agree they should, but like i think you might agree; incompetence knows no bounds. Some people need a lesson. So, in the end I think we agree.

[@fertileboredom]

Let's say you've been very badly burned. Who would you rather see running toward you over the horizon - a doctor who couldn't care less about your suffering, and is just going to treat your burns perfectly, in such a way as to minimise scarring/infection, solely because it will feed their ego to do so? Or a doctor who will feel your pain so much that their hands tremble, get dirt in your wounds, and leave you in worse pain than when they started?

[@katherinewilson1853]

That is not compassion. You are conflating empathy with compassion. :) Compassion is detachment.

[@DirectInjected]

Technology: Strike one Entertainment: Strike two Design: Strike three Joan, you're out of here!

[@eluap]

Namaste.

[@Destro7000]

@WyldOrbit oh yeah, that was an incredibly articulate and intelligent comment there, well done.

[@TheFlanker35]

It's true. Sometimes I write extremely offensive and racist things as a form of catharsis, but then I remember the virtues of compassion.

[@dreaminginnoother]

@ElectricError meh. one leans more toward environment, the other more toward genetics. Determining which is which is not very clear though. You won't find psychopathy in the newer DSM's(I guess 'antisocial disorder' kind of took it's place). I think there is more easily a negative reaction to a term that admits some babies come out of the womb 'evil'. I get your point, and you are right, I am specifically speaking of the physical/genetic disorder.

[@front243]

Actually it is very much scientific. Look up Stanford U. Center for Compassion and Altruism.

[@dreaminginnoother]

@maichips that may be true for some, but there has not been a found a direct causal correlation. Not to say we could maybe not decrease the number of psychopaths by creating more loving environments, but some people just kinda come out bad too.

[@Fleebag47]

@AssyrianRebel1, Why do you need someone else to tell you how to practice compassion (or love)? Isn't that all of our jobs in life? To figure out how to love each other, be compassionate to each other, to be kind to each other? Why do you need a plan from someone else. Use your own intelligence and agency.

[@capthook1]

323 people are morally outraged.

[@chancho2223]

lol

[@rachelmargeaux]

ha ha ha!

[@dreaminginnoother]

@Darwyn43 I don't know about oxytocin's direct role in perceived environment, but knowing what I do about oxytocin, it makes enough sense. But in that case, a brain defect could drastically alter that perceived environment, no? I would not disagree that most social problems are born of poor environment, in our case, created by the individualistic culture. I very much liked zeitgeist: moving forward which was pretty much all about this, but the causal link is still yet to be found.

[@DrequimaX]

I am just thinking.....

[@DrequimaX]

+Abhijit Pal One of the Best speeches given. Hats off.

[@system3142]

62 people are men who get it and get with the programme.

[@slaughtz]

@WyldOrbit It's not surprising you would attack something you don't understand. No, I'm not stupid. The term "moral propoganda" was the best I could come up with - it means that I think that past the 10 minute mark she's saying things that she doesn't really know, hence why I used the term propaganda.

[@microphon3]

why are there so many dislikes???

[@isab348]

☀️

[@AvatarASMR95]

I was listening to this talk while doing my makeup. By the end my mascara was down my face…