The three secrets of resilient people | Lucy Hone | TEDxChristchurch

Dr Lucy Hone is a resilience expert who thought she found her calling supporting people to recover following the Christchurch earthquake. She had no idea that her personal journey was about to take her to a far darker place. In this powerful and courageous talk, she shares the three strategies that got her through an unimaginable tragedy⁠-and offers a profound insight on human suffering. Dr Lucy Hone is a director of the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience, a research associate at AUT University, a published academic researcher, best-selling author and contributor to Psychology Today, the Sunday Star Times and Next magazine.
She trained at the University of Pennsylvania and got her PhD in public health at AUT University in Auckland. She has helped a range of organisations-from primary schools to leading law firms-to design and implement wellbeing initiatives creating sustained and meaningful change.
Five years ago, the sudden death of Lucy’s 12-year-old daughter Abi forced Lucy to turn her academic training and professional practice to foster resilience in very personal circumstances. The blog she wrote in the aftermath of Abi’s death attracted international attention and resulted in the best-selling non-fiction title, What Abi Taught Us, Strategies for Resilient Grieving (Allen & Unwin, 2016), now available as Resilient Grieving in the US, UK and NZ. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@kel.lyyyyle]

I wonder how many times she had practiced this speech so that she wouldn’t burst out crying when she talked about her daughter’s death. My respect.

[@peneloperodgers8019]

She did not have to practice the speech because that would not make what she just said authentic. She mapped out the three areas resilient people flourish in. Listen to it again and you would understand that practicing her speech would not be part Being true to herself.

[@marcelacibulova4686]

@@peneloperodgers8019 ji.

[@threepwood56]

@@darrinsiberia I had the experience at my wife's funeral last month. Apart from when my pants fell down, I communicated in a calm, composed way. I've been anything but that at times before that and since.

[@VambeefcoHorzey]

@@peneloperodgers8019 I think it's a bit disingenuous to assume she didn't practice - the speech has been carefully written, it's not off the cuff. That doesn't make it less authentic in the slightest, it simply means she's taken the time to chose her words and convey the relevant messages in the best possible way in the allotted time.

[@fosteralight4271]

In this video, she is also five years into her grieving process. As we share our pain with others in healthy ways and receive support for it, that pain dulls and becomes less acute. In our greatest grief (losing our only child), my wife and I couldn't talk about it without crying for probably over a year. But each time, it was a little bit less painful. Now we cry about it a lot less, even when sharing our deepest pain, partly because we have healed so much over time since it happened.

[@_mutantq]

My father has been fighting stage 4 lung cancer since I was in middle school. It's been 7 years by now. He had never smoked his entire life, and he barely ever drunk. The tumor has metastasized to the brain and he had an epilepsy due to cerebral edema, which I had to witness myself. I feel so lucky that he is still alive with me, thanks to the clinical trials in targeted therapy. I had three more major hardships in life, and I am going through an anxiety disorder because of all this. I am very proud for myself for not giving up, and I never will. Let's get through this together.

[@jpat6360]

I had gone thru very similar situation with my mom lung cancer. She was 72 and we got only 6 weeks by the time finding out cancer to death. I went to depression and ended up taking medication and then realized it's just getting worst so early you help yourself is better.

[@user-tr7yg7zo3j]

Your resilience makes you a great source of wisdom for others. ❤

[@user-tr7yg7zo3j]

⁠

[@user-tr7yg7zo3j]

@@jpat6360My dad and brother and I held my mother in our arms when she died of lung cancer at age 49. I was 28 at the time. My dad was a hero. He quit his high paying job to stay home and care for her to the end, starting his own business from home, which still exists decades later. He called us together and said we would not let her die in a hospital, and we would all live together for however long she lived (six months). We would also not be “grim” or “act differently” -in fact, with humor and amusement so that she would have a peaceful transition in the life we had always experienced with parents who loved and respected each other. It wasn’t always easy, but his steady, unwavering determination to get her (and all of us) through this passage as “normally” and pleasantly as possible, was, indeed, heroic. (She confided in me one day that in his grief at losing her he would sleep on the floor, on her side of the bed, sobbing quietly as he held her hand). Grief comes in a variety of forms. From what I’ve seen and experienced, every grieving person grieves in a unique way, not in the cookie-cutter “stages of grief” the “experts” set out before us. However, those stages do exist, just differently for everyone, and often not in the “order” generally put forth.

[@user-re7yp5wf5x]

I have terminal cancer. At 73 yrs. of age, I have had to overcome many challenges. I am thankful for my faith in Jesus Christ, my my parents, who taught me resilience and my friends who love me, regardless of my many foibles. "TUNE INTO THE GOOD"

[@KS-es5sn]

I buried my son in 2014. He was almost 21 and died in the military. I didn’t realize it, but I basically did these things that she is talking about. I also have faith in Jesus.

[@destinyluv8828]

My condolences go to your family!

[@KS-es5sn]

@@destinyluv8828 Thank you so much.

[@leesteal4458]

My condolences. You are extremely strong.

[@Onyxscubababy]

God bless you!

[@jbdbean242]

It's impossible, really, to find the right words, any words seem so insignificant. Words cannot express what our hearts feel for you and your family. Bless you all.

[@xyzv8640]

Resilience - especially three strategies: a) 7:10 - acceptance/acknowlegdement of situation as part of life b) 8:18 - selectional attention (focus on things you can change/ on positive things, e.g. name three things you are/were grateful for) c) 12:20 - "is what you are doing helping or harming you?" (control over situation/ be kind to yourself/ according to speakers experience - most powerful/useful tool) Thank you for sharing. Stay strong!

[@TheLadyLuve]

Philipp the Sock thank you for pulling out the points! Very very helpful!

[@Prplex.]

Cheers

[@kunwaranujsingh9980]

thankew

[@kajalpreetkaur9800]

Thankuu

[@sabinetsamtsukakis4031]

You too dear,thank you for putting these up💞🍀💞🍀💞

[@lifepsycleofficial24]

Wonderfully presented by Lucy Hone 1. Know that there's suffering in life 2. Choose those aspects which are in our control 3. Is what we are doing helping or harming us? Amazing strategies, it helps immensely!

[@architectureofmindstv6554]

Thank you for the summary! Very useful! Appreciate!

[@jazmina6099]

She also talk on number 2 strategy to be grateful.

[@TierraJaiAwakenings]

Thank you. I watched it but videos like this you can’t help but think about a lot simultaneously

[@Patrick-rp2be]

Thanks for helping me with my school projekt so i dont have To Watch the whole Video

[@shirleyliggett776]

What a great testimony. This was my motivational to start my day this morning. It's so encouraging and I'm so glad for this. Thanks for sharing the strategies too. God bless you in your work Lucy ❤❤❤

[@AngelBien]

"don't lose what you have to what you have lost" wow.

[@cathyl2338]

Angeline Bien 💕💕💕

[@Irishjay-gu5pb]

Extremely powerful. Wow

[@georgiamaggs]

Haha coincidentaly I was reading this cooment at the exact moment she said it

[@sempressfi]

I have chronic pain and lupus and one of the things that gets me through is a similar saying to the one you quoted: "I will not let what I can't do keep me from doing what I CAN do" 💜

[@brandon1023]

@@sempressfi prayers for you. Lupus runs deep in my family. Stay strong!

[@Dariodee1]

“Don’t lose what you have for what you have lost!” - what a wonderful, powerful and life changing thought! Thank you Lucy!

[@NewVizionHealth]

💪🏽💪🏽

[@greenspark101]

I just want to hug her. To not only go through it, but to help others too. She's amazing

[@ddd1dorin396]

She s amazing, yes!

[@stephenphan2761]

God blesses her til now through her mind and soul's strength

[@growjam2769]

. . . . . I was 10 , when my dad died . What DID help me was realizing the fact that “Sh*t happens” ... Nobody ever promised u a lifetime availability of ur parental figures! But then u also can easily fall into total nihilism. I still type “ways to commit Suicide” into Search Engines... (btw: get I better responses on MeekD.. com than on Google ) . But Nihilism still helped me get more resilient

[@vevamoody8922]

She is so rite. Thank you & God Bless you..

[@karinlarsen2608]

When we find strength and Hope, sharing with others is the only way to keep it

[@ChristopherBriscoe]

I’ve just returned from months in Ukraine. Every family I met has lost at least one family member or a close friend to the war. Your 3 strategies seem to have taken root there. Ukrainians are the most resilient people I know. Thank you for your powerful work.

[@Starlightv74]

Your daughter would be proud beyond measure of the way you have used her passing to help others - and yourself. xx

[@sparklemocha8781]

Well said

[@makalefitzgerald4814]

Can't tell you how many times I have viewed this Ted talk over the last two months. It's saving my life really. Thank you

[@E-Kat]

Thank you for this, I'll listen to it and pay more attention.

[@emmcatherine1460]

Hi makale Stay strong along your path. Love And Light.

[@lynnej.9357]

Yes. Keep it in mind. These strategies don't take away the pain, but somehow provide some balance for it. Hang in. It gets better. Be kind to yourself.

[@meganhardy6983]

I hope the best for you my friend. I'm here for you if you need a neutral party to listen to you. My dad committed suicide and lost my sister to OD.

[@makalefitzgerald4814]

@@meganhardy6983 I am so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you. It's been 9 months now, and I feel a thousand times better. Grateful to be here. And to be on a path of healing. Hope you are doing as good as you can be. Sending positive vibes your way.

[@kevinpark55]

I have huge respect for this lady. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to bury your own child, let alone talk about such a painful experience of losing one's kid in such a public setting in order to help complete strangers.

[@NatalieCWilliams]

So true. I remember reading a story a few years ago about a teenage girl who collided with another vehicle.... husband, wife, baby. The mother was the only survivor. Young girl was under the influence of alcohol. That mother decided it made no sense to "loose" another life. She forgave that girl and together they share the story of that accident to school kids, etc. That's another very strong, resilient woman!

[@osirusj275]

She doing it so that it doesnt haunt her anymore. Ppl always do things for themselves 1st then for others..

[@JimOsborne5]

How helpful this would have been 15 years ago when I lost my wife of 38 years.

[@jennifergopinath]

The past is a pot of Ashes,they say. At least u know it now....... Be satisfied & move on !

[@magusatx]

Dear Jim, You were probably more resilient then you know...you made it through the best you could. Hope you find peace even in such a challenging occurrence. We are always learning new tools how to live in the moment and learn to thrive despite the pain of loss and what we go through being human. Much respect and good wishes to you.

[@florence1395]

@@jennifergopinath Erm be satisfied & move on………….really! Wow, maybe showing empathy & giving kindness. I’ve loss my husband, he died within 8 weeks & I then had my younger brother die of Covid this year, that’s with all the other deaths. I have a illness & fell breaking my foot in half to be told I may have MS as well. I just hope you have a truly wonderful blessed life with no suffering because you could of hurt Jim Osborne feelings! You couldn’t hurt mine!

[@ElaineKempf]

Lost my son 4 months ago. Thank you so much for this wonderful and powerful video. It helps.

[@lb1798]

I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes those words feel so hollow.From one grieving human being to another, I really mean it.❤💔❤️

[@leahhawker-photography6247]

I'm so sorry. Devastating. Sending a warm hug from Cape Town x

[@genevievebrigham7387]

I am so grateful for your talk today. Back in 1983 my wonderful son Scott was killed in a car accident. As a single mother and he my only child, I did not want to go on. I can still recall the excruciating pain. What helped me the most over the years was to see that Scott was such a gift to me. So, I tried to focus on how fortunate I was to have had him inbefore

[@eleabolar]

Thank you for sharing about your son Scott ❤

[@timferguson2682]

"It is possible to live and grieve at the same time." Good to know.

[@valoriestewart8272]

Simply. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!

[@graceg19799]

🙌

[@samanb1268]

I have just lost my husband because of Covid. I am living and grieving. People say hurtful comments that I am coping really well.

[@timferguson2682]

@@samanb1268 Right. How could they know how much you hurt and how different the world has become? I'm sorry.

[@samanb1268]

@@timferguson2682 so true. Thanks

[@onelove919]

Far out. The pain in her face. I just want to hug her.

[@Dd-po2ij]

Me too. Blessings to you.

[@emunozq]

yes, the pain is stamped in her face all the time. even though she is clearly so resilient, she cannot hide her suffering.

[@ducktaledudette]

I have an illness that leaves me sobbing on the floor in pain every few months. I can at least testify to the second resilience secret: looking for at least one positive thing. I've looked at my pain as chance to increase my pain tolerance, and I've expressed gratitude to the people who helped me through it. That helps more than anything!!

[@Joonasaurus1]

When you hear other people’s stories, makes you appreciate your problems are maybe not that bad

[@Quiche543]

It isn't a competition. Some people's problems just may be "that bad," or worse. Please do not compare cause even if they are not "that bad," they may be bad enough.

[@xyzabc1560]

@Moon in Joon. Yes, this concept in psychology is called “downward social comparison”

[@bobblehat6603]

But it's no consolation for people who have worse problems.

[@NatalieCWilliams]

Yes, so true!

[@chitraramani6911]

Exactly dear

[@kristinmccoy5570]

Thank you so much for this. My husband recently passed and many ask and comment on how "strong I am" and it tends to anger me because I am only doing what is best for myself and our young daughter. It is what he would have wanted me to do. I grieve...I cry...I wish he was here, but I also fight and live each day and use self-talk to guide myself through each moment. It was refreshing to hear what I do in my brain being spoken as a TedTalk. :)

[@SarahLizDoan]

Kristin McCoy so sorry for your loss.

[@hannybee14]

I just lost my mum and people say it to me all the time too, she brought me up to be resilient and I don't see myself as strong. I grieve her. It's a mindset thing.

[@MrJimbissle]

[@kgee6269]

People say "You are so strong" as they are thinking about how they would literally go to pieces and not be able to go on. It is hard for those on the outside as they really do not know what to say. Saying you are so strong is meant to be a compliment not an insult, so please know people are just trying to give you love when they say that. I prefer to say "you are so brave" or "you have so much courage" as I think that makes people feel a little less upset that they are being judged. Just a thought :) Sending you some good thoughts at this tough time for you.

[@D.Lee.W]

You are proving the very advice given here: It is possible to grieve and live at the same time. I imagine it is not easy, and I admire your resiliency.

[@williamgallaher1377]

Great talk, I would have loved to hear this many years ago, however I didn’t realize that I was resilient until now. I have lost my Mother, Father and finally my sister after she couldn’t stand her life without mom and dad. All past away about 18 months of each other leaving me a single father of 4 alone and lost. It took what seemed like forever but I woke up and was shown the way to life through prayers and honesty talking with my children. Our life is changing so quickly now for the better and we are definitely reaping the rewards of faith and believing in US. Thank you so very much for sharing!!! Have a great day and live a safe and happy life!!!

[@E-Kat]

Oh dear William, I'm so terribly sorry you had to endure so many devastating tragedies! How did you cope with life and not only, how did you cope with this enormous responsibility of bringing up four small children? Must be God, helping you quietly, giving you injection of concentrated strength and stamina. This is what we mostly need from God - strength to deal with the bad situation were in, not necessarily resolving of the problem. I'll pray God never leaves you and your children. You're an example how we should all live!

[@erininquire6203]

I am the same - with all the grief I experienced in my life I turn to one thing, my faith in God. I had this conversation with my 15 year old son last night. I told him he has to have one thing or one person he can turn to when everything is in shambles. Bless your heart, I said a short prayer for you.

[@E-Kat]

@Roxanna A Lopez oh, it just came to my mind, like someone told me to write it. I meant instant, quick help, miraculous intervention. I hope it helps. Happy New Year!

[@SharonAWinningham]

Bless you

[@mandannaz1]

You are one of a kind. Very strong and very resilient. Stay strong for the 4 who always look up to you and one day will be very proud of you and how you handled these all single-handedly. It's like you are navigating a ship in the middle of a very stormy sea to a safe and sunny land. One day they will be very proud and grateful that how you took them to somewhere safe. Hugs from an Iranian in New Zealand ;)

[@june52005]

I want to give this woman a hug for her wisdom and for her grief :)

[@yankee2666]

She doesn't need yours or anyone else's hug. Don't you get it?

[@Vecio.Nandes]

Heavens! This woman has in her face the scars of suffering but also the strong marks of mastery over the pains of life.

[@user-tr7yg7zo3j]

People have ridiculed the title of my book (on Amazon): “The Ten Gifts Of Grief” by Hawthorne Wood (on Amazon). In fact, though the book gets mostly five star reviews, one man gave it a poor one because (though he hadn’tread the book) he wrote: “No! How can you possibly say there are GIFTS of grief?” thereby consigning it to the “unsold” table. In the book I don’t deny my grief after losing my soulmate and beloved husband of 25 years to a mountain climbing accident. The rug was pulled out from under me, and I wept with every word I wrote. But: I wanted to share the good that came for me - including the unexpected humor and the love I’d taken for granted would never end (and of course, never does, in the spiritual realm.) I like this talk because it’s exactly what I believe about grief, too. There is nothing we can’t deal with, no matter its terrors. 😊Martha Woodworth.

[@pollygong]

Goodness me, this was a truly powerful speech. Her words were so authentic and the simplicity of her guidance was so impactful, definitely one of the best TED Talks I've heard yet!

[@houseportraitscalligraphy7474]

I have learned that to live and grieve is possible

[@rightright6582]

My son, who is 12, says to me when i am a bit sad: " Papa you should be thankful that i am healthy and happy" powerful message, thank you for this gift given to us; just a brilliant presentation coming from your Heart&soul.

[@D.Lee.W]

Your son is wise beyond his years...

[@maryanndolan6508]

Wonderful talk!!! I’m 84, I have experienced many, many of your named experiences, your so right..in the blink of an eye, life can change completely. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@KM-04]

Briefing. *She shares the story of the loss of her daughter* 1) Resilient people acknowledge that s&* happens. They are aware that it doesn't just happen to the next person, but can also happen to them. This keeps them from the idea of why me. 2) They focus on the positive and the things they can change. That doesn't mean they completely tune out the negative, but their focus is to tune into the good stuff :). Choose life, not death! 3) Resilient people ask themselves the question, whether what their doing is helping them or harming them. Ex. If looking at a picture of her daughter distresses her, she avoids it. "I won't pretend that thinking this way is easy, and that it would remove all the pain, but if I learn't anything, thinking this way really does help, and more than anything, it showed me it is possible to live and grieve at the same time." - Lucy Hone

[@HDBerlin]

Thanks for sharing this.

[@user-rb4cb1dv9p]

Thank you!!

[@dianehorrell6107]

Thank you! Very helpful.

[@claires9100]

Merci pour le résumé.

[@lisaaromano1]

Thank you for this lecture. Yes, deciding to look for the good can absolutely change our lives through changing our perspective. Refusing to live as a victim is key.

[@juanpedro4083]

I love you

[@jacktiller2809]

I love you even more

[@donnarowland-tait4934]

Ààaàààqa212111

[@sherimelling9139]

It's so hard to lose our children. I lots my girl. Thank God I had her children. I have been able to focus on her loves. They are my world and I thank her for her gift. I love them almost as she did.

[@avi10000]

Wife died young left me with 10 kids in from age 5 up. Morning after, the day of the funeral, I woke up shaking

[@Edithalba1863]

Thanks a lot for sharing this! I find this very helpful! “The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected. Only the wounded physician heals.” ― C.G. Jung

[@pauljung3534]

"When you see someone as yourself, you’ll know how to be... with them, as them, for them." ~ Paul Jung

[@theodoresweger4948]

Fantastic. I can't believe at my age 84 I've came to precisely the same conclusion. Thank you . I did the same thing with photos of those I lost.

[@simplybuyer1]

im here for you brother

[@anilislam4829]

I have severe back pain and several other physical issues. im 24 only. I have wish live more than 40 years. I can't think about 80 years. Its huge. Pray for me.

[@cbhagman]

"I didn't need to be told how bad things were . . .What I needed was hope." Dr.Lucy Hone. I'm so glad she addressed the well-meant advice that winds up depleting the energies and exacerbating the pain of people who are already suffering and feeling overwhelmed. I'm glad she offers a path forward that doesn't sugarcoat reality and acknowledges the obstacles and expectations people have, and then offers a practical mindset and approach for dealing with those things.

[@GreySpyder]

This was tough to watch. So much respect for sharing her story. Also excellent advise, thank you.

[@mikec5820]

"Don't lose what you have to what you have lost" 10:22

[@zofiajaneczek184]

You certainly can’t comprehend what anyone goes through in this life. Many people out there have horrendous things happen to them for absolutely no reason and through no fault of their own. It helps to be nice in this world, positivity won’t make your problems go away, the “bad” in life seems to almost always bring out the good in other ways and in other places, whatever is broken and cracked can always be mended in some way but perhaps not in the way you wanted...regardless of what you’ve been through, where you are...life always goes on! She’s correct, ALL you have to do is want to live, that will is enough to carry you through, at least to the next day! One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, go forward yet you will sometimes go backwards. Btw, I’m an abuse survivor and I’ve lived a fairly difficult but interesting life. I don’t consider myself an optimistic person, fake happiness is depressing. If anything, I’m a realist but also a dreamer.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

It is realistic to have dreams. Keep them coming. ^-^

[@VocalSpiritPresents]

Realistic dreamer who maintains gratitude here, too.

[@leahnewyork]

To me, this person is straight up no bs and this is one of the most impressive self-awareness-oriented TED or TEDx presentations out there.

[@kab9052]

This lady is the epitome of taking lemons and making lemonade she took a tragic devastating experience and created a speech that can empower so many people. Mad respect!

[@Nowhere888]

Three skills: 1.) realize life is suffering and everyone suffers, i.e. a Buddhist teaching, 2.) focus on the positive emotions, i.e. love, gratitude, serenity, joy, etc. (ala Martin Seligman) , 3.) ask if this behavior is helping or hurting me. Check out the books by Pema Chodron and Martin Seligman for more info.

[@yehuditpoloway6278]

great minds think alike

[@perpetututuator]

ofc youre right but ideas are cumulative and she is saying among all the suggestions she found these 3 was the most apropriate when she was in grief. just sharing her own results.

[@philippamediwake1235]

Gosh, this lady is special beyond words. Teaching us her resilience strategies has helped so many people live through grief & pain. It certainly gives us all hope.

[@peacefuljourney4858]

She just cured my depression. Thanks for every word you spoke it was well needed.

[@heatherjane910]

I ‘stood’ for all 4 of the categories at the beginning of the talk. Currently, my family is dealing with something unimaginable. I shared this with my husband and our therapist. Thank you for bravely sharing your story and methodology.

[@spicybrown75]

My best wishes to you and your family 😐

[@VocalSpiritPresents]

Love and light to you.

[@zofiajaneczek184]

Heather Elzinga, May you and your family be universally blessed and endure, surpass, and thrive through any and all challenges in your way!

[@kathykaveh1471]

Strength and love to you. xoxo

[@user-wg5er7uj5q]

God bless you. Sending you love and prayers. ❤

[@santa4754]

For all of us, let we know this: "It is possible to live and grieve at the same time".

[@hemi969]

That was worthy of a standing ovation, wow!

[@KakosiaKo]

OMG! This speech changed my life!!! Thank you!!! "Time to sink or swim" 💪🏻

[@VocalSpiritPresents]

You got this!

[@Dd-po2ij]

Truth. Bless you.

[@user-eo1hj9lp9q]

God u are resilience master piece.

[@ShivangiSingh-wc3gk]

Thank you!!! I need this. I had a bad break up and seeing my friends in happy relationships/getting married depressed me. This helped me gain my strength back.

[@MS-ns4ki]

I feel this comment . Not only is everyone else loved - but they always remind you that you aren’t .

[@saadahmad3085]

Hats off to this lady...i have met a 20 year old pretty girl who is the one i found resiliant in my surrounding . I always tell her that she is very brave n strong and i also ask her to share it with me . Today i came to know that her braveness really is resilience. I request you all to wish good best for her ...she is a best friend of mine ,a real fellow. Thank you

[@harisharnam9309]

I believe you can only see such kind of things in other, if have such kind of things with in you already.....

[@monilangeKootenays]

Whenever you feel as if you've hit rock bottom, remember this; there's no where else to go but up. Thank you for this video.

[@BeeSee05]

1. Realise that suffering happens to everyone. 2. Be grateful. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. 3. Ask yourself: Is what I'm doing helping or harming me?

[@erininquire6203]

I can only imagine her pain. No mother will ever 100% move on without a pain in their hearts when remembering the child they lost.

[@susanclare5475]

Amazing is an often overused word, but this woman truly is. Through unbearable hurt she seeks to help others and lessen their pain. Wow.

[@carolined3058]

Be kind to yourself. Best feedback you can give yourself. Thank you for sharing .

[@katero789]

Engraining this in my mind: 1) Sh*t happens. Suffering is part of life. 2) Don't waste my energy on things I cannot change. Pay attention to things that are in my control and learn to accept what is not. 3) Is what I am doing/thinking helping me or harming me? Be kind to myself. "Don't lose what you have to what you have lost."

[@nathanselman9787]

Essential this is the serenity prayer. Accept the things you cannot change, have courage to change the things you can, and be wise to know the difference

[@rohaan.]

One of the best TED Talk I have ever come accross.

[@RonnSono-MassaAcoustics]

Chances are she and Prof. Jordan Peterson will get along quite well. They both are on a quest to bring academic knowledge into people's lives. That, to me is true generosity.

[@iamluckyjames_]

A hard fact about life is that, things can be going really smooth and perfect today, and you wake up the next day to life situations that go as far as breaking you. Life is so unpredictable, and hence we all need resilience to go through these moments. It's honestly not easy like you said, but from your life and story, you've made us see that it can go a long way to help. Thank you very much for sharing this with us. May God continually comfort you for your loss. 🙏🏾

[@sisaytadesse7824]

I wish there was a love button for this. You have inadvertently defined "resilience" which for me was a very illusive concept.And also in a simple manner explained how it can be achieved.

[@Andrew-jf5vo]

"Is this helping or harming me" . This is something walking with Holy Spirit has blessed me with. When we accept Jesus into our lives we become his Temple. He protects his temple by convicting us, correcting our thoughts and changing our actions. He will change so much in your life you'll look up one day and realize you are made new all due to his love.

[@jenni8032]

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter, her friend, and your friend. Thank you for having the strength, resilience, and courage to talk about this topic with us.

[@brittanyvargas8]

Taking control of things I can change and building resilience! Such a strong woman thank you for sharing your story and empowering us!!

[@carolrocha12]

This video is so helpful and necessary, it should have captions for all languages to reach as more people as possible

[@Ray-fn4iv]

Sorry to hear about your daughter and what you and your husband are going through!!!! Wish you and your husband the best!!! Happy Easter.

[@yanissaouchiche1606]

This was a beautiful talk from an exceptional person I personally struggled with ms(multiple sclerosis), Graves' disease and social anxiety since a couple years now,but to hear a beautiful talk like this really helped me get that inspiration and help I need to get on with my life. Again thank you for putting this out there!😊

[@DanaTheDisaffectedDoula]

I've been listening to Ted Talks for years and this is easily in the top 3. A woman who has lived through it and talks with knowledge, compassion, and real life experience. I would've listened to her for hours. Brava! 👏👏👏

[@jessbaria4977]

One of the most powerful TED Talks I've ever heard! Who can argue with the real-life experience of this expert? Brilliantly delivered!

[@sarahh5036]

What a great talk. I know I'm resilient, having been in dark places and come out the other side. I have used these strategies myself, without realizing they are categorized and the top 3. 1. Accept the situation you're in. You have to go thru to go out the other side. 2. You can choose where you put your attention, energy and Focus. 3. Ask yourself is what you're doing helping or harming you? Thank you Lucy

[@kkuczak0001]

I'm glad I went through so many heartbreaking things as a child bc by the time I was 13 I knew all I had to do was graduate the middle/high school to have a better life. I never tried to have hope..I just had it. If you have suicidal thoughts, God can transform any part of us & our situation. Life continued to be a roller coaster emotionally in college and afterwards. The one thing I would change would be to have a relationship with God sooner. You can encounter God. He loves you & is waiting to hear from you if you are wanting a better life. God bless & shalom

[@EnglishWithMohamed101]

This life shows us many situations when we can't hold on something bad happened to us knowing that it can't even change so we just have to keep going and move forward on this amazing world .

[@deniseward002]

Wow, great talk. What a beautiful woman. My heart goes out to her for all she has suffered and endured but she's resilient and chose life. Brava!

[@Purrrout]

Just what I thought!

[@EllieGirl93]

What a brilliant speech by an incredibly strong woman. I lost my beautiful Nanny to Alzheimer’s about 6 years ago. It took me about halfway through last year to finish the grieving process. I now accept her passing, and look back on the time I spent with her and the memories we shared together fondly.

[@jyothirmayim9703]

I 've also been depressed for sometime but she made me understand that it's self healing required and to be a good decision maker.

[@TheAsianRepublican]

"Don't lose what you have, to what you have lost."

[@UriGalimidi]

More than any of the videos on resilience i've watched, she has moved me in ways which I hope will stick with me for years to come.

[@margyritchie2702]

I'm pausing this as her daughter is in car. I sense what's next. I lost my son Michael on 01/20/19 I miss him so much! He was a funny intelligent good person who made a terrible mistake. Love you Michael Ritchie. I'm very sorry for your loss as well. It's crushing the sorrow

[@fabiolagil4896]

I embrace you! Live your life meaningfully by honoring his memory...⭐ Don't give up!

[@saravalinemati2303]

I admire her strength. There are some powerful human out there who are cable of doing things beyond imagination.

[@notlifehacksbyjohn1507]

This is one of the most powerful things I've heard in a long time.

[@annmarieknapp]

"Adversity doesn't discriminate." Brilliant quote. I will use this in my classes. So well said!!

[@tonzinholondon]

I was born resilient. It’s the word who defines me.

[@hiranhasaranga6450]

The art of not giving a f*ck?

[@lowerlowerhk]

For me I already know what are the things to do during a crushing defeat or loss. What shocks me is the visual representation that almost everybody in the audience suffered trauma one way or another. It is counterintuitively baffling that my own loss, as gut wrenching as I feel, is an almost universal phenomenon.

[@user-qp2mu5ls2n]

What a phenomenal woman.

[@simonadunn7168]

One of the best TedX talks I’ve ever heard. Thank you so much for this. God bless you.

[@kimberleyclark429]

As a bereaved mother who lost her son on September 2nd, 2013 in a car accident, this really resonated with me in so many ways. I am so sorry to hear about your beautiful daughter Abby. Thank you for sharing your inspiring message on Ted Talk.

[@barmy_irooni]

I’m sorry for your loss

[@bloomanimary282]

Thanks for reminding us that suffering is part of life.

[@kennyethanjones.]

What an excellent TED talk! I'd never really given any thought to what makes me so resilient but this summed it up perfectly - Amazing.

[@Zaynouba26]

The same here. Never knew what it meant to be resilient.

[@piotr.jan.panasiuk]

Thank you for sharing your story, your knowledge, your wisdom. May you always be in good health ❤

[@sheikhifshanasheikh1994]

My respect for your hidden tears that u might have shed beyond stage.lots of luv stay blessed.

[@GS-st9ns]

Best talk on Grief yet. I have always considered myself resilient and I have had it reinforced watching this video. Oh watch it again because I'll share it with myself. And I am more accustomed to death than I am to life not disease, death.

[@karenkoerner6015]

"Trying to find things to be grateful for. " that's what got me through my bad year.

[@Urania4007]

The idea of focus resonated with me; I hated being given suggestions of what to do after I'd had a great loss. Also, I stopped crying so much when I realized that I was so doing because I felt sorry for myself. It did me no good.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

I am not suggesting reveling in pain, or staying/wallowing in it. But how can we ever expect to get out of it if we don't release it? The hard part is that it will always be there to some degree, it becomes a part of us (and can be turned into a strength). Our choices of how we deal with that pain are what makes us stronger. I'm just saying, that if you see something, say a flower that reminds you, *the tears are a badge of honor and truth,* no shame. +hugs+

[@khanyamazkhali6949]

This talk helped me get out of bed this morning. I had not opened my curtains in days. "Don't lose what you have for what you have lost..." ❤🥰

[@armandoacevedo6978]

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! In many ways my life has been blessed. But I have also had some unusual hardships. Thank you for this coping skill!!!

[@marcyhickman8112]

I am deeply so sorry for you’re lost! Thank you so much for this video despite your tragedy, you did very well encouraging others and myself!

[@amymay3003]

Thank you for this. So helpful when going through tough times.

[@mihaitrusca2320]

This presentation should be mandatory for psychiatrists to watch. They don't care to find out what happened in your life. In 10 minutes they will label you as chronically depressed and put you on meds. That's how the modern medicine works.

[@3k445]

Don’t take meds- rely on your own self will and strength of your own spirit.

[@marthawunnam2946]

This is so far the most powerful Tedx talk I have listened to. Thank you Lucy, for sharing these skills with us

[@offwhitephotos]

Really needed this today. Thank you TEDx and thank you Dr. Hone.

[@susanbuckley4153]

I so needed to hear this speech right now in my life.. thank you so much 🌹

[@kylelassiter1044]

She needed to summarize them at the end, preferably with a posting on screen for people who aren't verbal learned and to sum it up. GOOD talk.

[@MichaelLynMusic]

We Love You Lucy for sharing this Tuff Skill Set...especially when you very easily could have grieved silently!

[@raz2986]

I leave my guitar in the open in my room, and it helps me so much, reminding me fun and happiness