Death, grief, ritual and radical funerals | Claire & Rupert Callender | TEDxTotnes

[@lucascraze5000]

These lovely people not only looked after my dad when he died suddenly - but also took great care of us - his family. Ru and Claire helped me not only with the transformation of my dad but also connect with the experiences of my ancestors going way way back. We have been doing death for ever... This is the way it is supposed to be handled. Thank you both so much - it would have been immeasurably harder without you.

[@neetm6612]

I was fortunate to have Rupert and Claire conduct my husband's funeral in 2010, after his sudden death at the age of 53 - such a compassionate couple and such a "lovely" funeral, if that doesn't sound too bizarre! They slowed me down through my grief and let me take the time to visit him many times, and to say farewell in my own way, to create a beautiful, a "perfect" day. As someone who uses a walking stick, it hadn't occurred to me that I could help to carry his cardboard coffin (designed by me, and displaying one of our favourite photos - together even at the very end) I'm so glad I was able to do that and I thank you both for being there, for giving me ideas, and for helping me to say goodbye in the best possible way, because death truly IS a part of life. Thank you

[@drnuke7393]

Watching this talk is the first time the idea of a funeral ever seemed meaningful to me. Radical, right and real.

[@tutleymutley]

I was once a nurse who sat a nighttime vigil as an old man lay dying and bore witness to his last gasps. It was a moment in time I shall never forget - and as much a privilege and as magical and mystical as the many births I later witnessed as a midwife. This lecture struck a note in me, resounding deeply, as I approach the end of my own life and contemplate my own death and start to witness contemporaries, friends dying around me. Funerals are for the living - but I hope very much that families take back the ceremony in the manner recommended in this video - hear, hear! Reminds me of the seminal work done by Jessica Mitford (The American Way of Death pub 1963)- and also, more recently, Yuli Somme, and not forgetting Carmella B'Hahn.

[@jamesleedam8704]

What a wonderful distillation of the experiences you have had with your bereaved families. Your insight into the business of death and the 'industry' that surrounds it is keenly cutting and I hope will empower people to go their own way. Brilliant stuff - thank you.

[@mamasheloves]

Bringing through the revolution... punks with deep soul....stirring me with your ceremonial spoons of practical authentic love...thankyou for your courage and beauty x

[@NoEndsNoEnds]

I like the honesty of this. Thank you

[@lovelifepoetry1309]

Wow! These two are amazing public speakers. I retrained as a celebrant after my parents died. I didn’t like how the priest wouldn’t allow us play music they loved or read aloud poems we wanted for them. I’m a writer and a poet. I love trying to bring some peace to the families I work for. ❤️

[@ManpreetSingh-iy4mo]

Thank you for making this TED 🙏 I strongly believe in everything you say and I’m going to try my hardest to make a change in the way funerals are conducted and let’s talk more openly 🙏

[@stephenwastaken]

We recently used this sort of approach at our sons funeral, incorporating many of the suggestions expressed in the video. I can assure you that this approach has the power to change the world.

[@gregorysams1]

Thanks for this beautiful and intelligent presentation of death as a natural part of life. My brother and I arranged natural funerals for both our parents, with open wicker coffins, and people who thought they might be shocked were completely okay with it. Many of them had never seen a dead body before. There need be nothing mysterious about it, except of course the question of what happens thereafter.

[@JSume]

This made me cry , so glad I found this video. Thank you!

[@honeybee3271]

Wow! Very liberating! What a game changer.

[@shockingheaven]

I love how naturally they talk about death

[@turtleofthenorthshore6427]

I loved listening to these on dead air radio.

[@catereidceremonies1288]

Inspirational - thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

[@womynstar]

Absolutely -- a funeral service of real grieving is a different thing from a "celebration of life' memorial!!!

[@CraftyOldGit]

Inspiring & moving -- thanks.

[@natashaoleary268]

Oh my!!! this is everything!! I want to the right to hold my husbands skull in my own hands! Yes! And we can be our own priests! Absolutely beautiful presentation. Thank you for what you do x

[@demon11]

Wonderful stuff. Thank you!

[@SylviaSienikehaElysiana]

Just beautiful!

[@MikeGrenville]

excellent talk. I have also been to one of their wonderful funerals

[@michaelclark1501]

Ive always fancied a sky burial let the birds eat me

[@seamusomurchadha2620]

Assumptions that people no longer believe is not the best way to start a talk on grief. I came here for information, left with more of an ego fulfillment in that the grief is all about me which I do not like. To pray for someone, to remember them is so spiritual and to have a religious structure is supremely helpful. A bit more family involvement is helpful, but there is a boundary of remembering someone in hope that is spiritual and a ritual that is really all about me and egotistical. As this talk is directed for those without belief in whatever this talk assumes belief to be, I can only see it as bereavement support with ritual. Other than that it has no hopeful perspectives that include philsophy or theology.

[@house-ghost]

Outfuckingstanding!