Diagnosed with PTSD and MDD, and managing to get a Ph.D.: Helen Abdali Soosan Fagan at TEDxLincoln

[@sophia4christ]

Beautiful testimony! I like how she wasn't ashamed to mention God in her talk. Glory to God!

[@n.h.3769]

Thank you for mentioning this, I'd hate to waste anytime on a prayer session.

[@SpeegBJ]

I was 12, I had a wonderful life...I was taken in the night by my mother, snuck out our house and put on a bus to parts unknown. We ended up in Pennsylvania in a trailer. I've left and moved 42 times. I've seen my father disfigure my mother, my brother shoot himself, police running down the street with guns running after my brother who had crashed through the window of a drugstore from a theft. I had my baby in my arms...and watched it all. I have so much trauma I cannot cope. I've been to so many therapists who just NOD I'm ready to throw up. 55 years of this....I love TED because at least I feel in the company of strangers.

[@hurryslow1]

I feel for you Bonnie. If only we had a delete button to unsee and unhear all the trauma we experienced before. There are good days and there are not such good days. Just be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. It is normal to feel like this after so much muck in your past life. None of that was your fault. Just don't allow it to swallow you. Pills ease pain temporarily but only God can renew and restore us. Just hang in, hang on and trust Him to finish His work in your life. Warm hugs and blessings to you

[@234pinnni]

Bonnie Speeg god loves you And all of us Everybody has his story And path Feel wellland loved

[@Elizabeth-rq1vi]

Bonnie, so sorry you found therapists didn’t know what to do. There are trauma focused therapists, they ‘get’ it. And you.

[@codacreator6162]

First question i asked my therapist was, "Do I have to kill myself to get people to take me seriously?" Sure, feels like it. And I can't help but wonder how many victims of suicide asked for help and didn't get it?

[@Amy-ms6wj]

@@codacreator6162 I'm sure so many of them haven't gotten the help they needed. But it is also very hard for a lot of us with trauma and/or depression to ask for help. And to trust people. I'm sure there are therapists out there that will take you seriously. Try a trauma therapist. And if you go to one you don't like, try another. Finding the right therapist is kind of like finding a partner...there are those that you won't really connect with, or that you feel don't really care...and then there are those that care a great deal, that you will connect with. I recommend though, that you don't threaten to kill yourself in front of a therapist or Dr, unless you want to be committed...because they will be obligated to do so by law. Being committed might be a good thing though if you're at that point. They will definitely take you seriously there. And if you feel like friends or family aren't taking you seriously...its usually just that they dont know how to help. They're afraid of saying the wrong thing, or not knowing what to say at all. It's hard for them to understand when they don't think or feel the same way we do.

[@vnleao]

Such a powerful presentation. I've heard many talks about PTSD and the effects of trauma but this talk in particular brings out some very important points and connects them in a much needed way. Helen doesn't just give a personal testimony with facts about PTSD, she draws out the understanding that makes those facts become more than just "words on a page." She connected the seemingly mysterious physical symptoms with the inner (at first undiscovered) anxiety, she revealed the necessity of healthy relationships and the power that those healthy connections have to help you HEAL, and she shut down the idea of "binary" thinking in which a person might get caught up in believing that PTSD (and other health issues, physical or psychological) means being totally broken and unable to proceed in life. Some comments here made me feel like some folks came away with the impression she implied we should somehow be able to "get over it" if given enough support. The idea is not that we "get over it," the idea is to love yourself and surround yourself with the support you need as a human being. Having that support does give you opportunity to begin healing simply because you're becoming realigned with what is GOOD instead of being aligned with the trauma. PTSD rewires the brain and maps the brain to the trauma, which is helpful if you're still in the trauma but not so good once you get out. The more you are in a truly positive environment, the more opportunities you have for your brain to begin to recognize you aren't in that traumatic situation anymore. It helps lay down new connections and restore old ones so that even when you are dealing with symptoms, they aren't as severe and it takes more to trigger you. It doesn't erase the image of the trauma but it can give the opportunity to soften the focus and allow that image of trauma to become dimmer and dimmer until its just a blur in the background. Her focus on PEACE is not simply a random plug for Christianity. She's tapping into a core issue with PTSD. After PTSD, the brain has trouble being in a peaceful state, regardless of whether you FEEL peaceful or not. Your mind is constantly scanning for dangers and readying hormones for fight-or-flight. It also messes with your autonomic nervous system by keeping you locked into the function of the sympathetic nervous system. This means the parasympathetic nervous system isn't getting the opportunity to function like it should. The parasympathetic nervous system is the one that helps your body with restorative processes like healing wounds and digesting foods. To put it simply, the sympathetic nervous system is the stress system and the parasympathetic nervous system is the peace system. Her emphasis on peace is a reference to the need for helping your body switch back from the sympathetic-dominant state of PTSD to a healthy balance with the parasympathetic side. You need to recover your balance with PEACE. If you have PTSD, your body literally responds with a lack of peace because it believes there's a lack of peace. The more you can foster peace, the better a chance you have of working around the rewiring in your brain to get back to balanced bodily function. Having a lack of parasympathetic nervous system activity is not only unpleasant but it leads to all sorts of disease. Extreme, extended stress (like with PTSD) is a killer not just in a very abstract, poetic sense but it quite literally switches your body into a mode that doesn't allow for proper healing and maintenance and overwhelms your endocrine system with the constant demand for more stress hormones, which in turn (because they're imbalanced) cause secondary dysfunction. Cortisol, a well known stress hormone, is necessary for the utilization of thyroid hormones by your cells and also helps regulate blood sugar, blood pressure, and electrolyte levels. Now imagine all of those functions (not to mention others) being CONSTANTLY imbalanced because of extreme stress... You can see how pursuing PEACE is more than just an existential or theological concept here. This presentation is worth bookmarking. This is the sort of video you can send someone to help them begin to understand what you mean when you say "I have PTSD." It's not heavy on medical lingo and it's gets to the heart of the matter without just throwing out a barrage of facts like a textbook.

[@rholland4788]

Dear Helen, I too am sorry for the rude comments left on this KZbin channel. I am inspired by your presentation and I appreciate your willingness to stand up and put a voice to your experience. Thank you so much for that! You are incredible. May God continue to bless you richly. Thank you for allowing your story to be told.

[@misse8787]

Amazingly testimony, deeply inspirating. What a beautiful lady inside and out 🌹

[@paddlegodsun]

I can relate in so many ways. Ive had ptsd for three years and ive told myself time to start living again. Time to be at peace. After three years of hell im starting to feel that confidence and flow in life that i had before ptsd. Everyone is different but i had to suffer three years to finally be ready to jump into joy in the deep end with no fear. Sometimes it takes time to Integrate the trauma into ur new self and trauma does change u theres no going back but u come out stronger. No matter what uve been thru u can experience a joy that transcends ur fearful mind and a calm about life. U go from feeling like ur just surviving to actually living. Ptsd doesnt last forever

[@Phonske]

Thanks Helen, for sharing not only professionally but from the heart, you are beautiful on so many levels!

[@katewhitmanfizzikschick]

Dear Helen, I am sorry to see the comments on here passing judgements on your diagnosis and comparing severity of abuse. I also share your diagnosis, and have found so much ignorance in the world about PTSD. Which makes it harder for those of us that have it to get better. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I am inspired that you got your PhD. I was wondering how long after you got the diagnosis it was before you were able to start. I had to stop my studies because of short term memory and processing issues (like your banana story). Were you still experiencing these while studying? How did you cope?? Thanks again for reaching out. As a recovering human doer, it was really helpful to hear your story.

[@stayingtrue3761]

You are not alone, I am a survivor of domestic violence and was diagnosed with MDD and SPTSD and I truly understand you

[@GraceJones1]

Majority of ppl that have been through anything traumatic will develop PTSD, and half of them aren't aware of that, which effects their cognitive behavior 😢 It's so sad. Only if they knew the reasons behind their actions. Thank you for sharing your story with us 😊

[@codacreator6162]

Honestly, I'm convinced now that the only way to avoid suffering post-trauma is to be without empathy beforehand. I swear to God I believe trauma and suicide are killing our empaths. What if they (we) are the next level evolution of human beings? What if they (we) are (were) the chance for humanity to eliminate war? What if...?

[@leosruletheworld9622]

I had a friend attack one of my friends with a hammer in my house I couldn't believe it I thought he killed him. 2 days after it happened my head didn't feel right at all now it's 3 years later and I have ptsd but I honestly new my head changed 2 days after it all happened my head felt like it had a brick inside it and I couldn't get rid of that feeling I'm a stubborn person and left it for ages before going to my Dr and letting her no how I felt. I'm not sure if it was the attack that brought it on or the years of abuse I suffered from my mother and the attack just made everything come back that I had experienced but I'm on medication now it's been 3 days I'm just glad I told my Dr because I hid it for so long. If your going through this I honestly love you so much and you can fight this please go to your Dr I no it's scary but I'm glad I got it off my chest I'm on medication for ptsd now xxxxx

[@leosruletheworld9622]

@@codacreator6162 yes I understand, I'm a empath I feel everything it honestly feels like a curse, but maybe god or whoever is controlling our universe and society is bringing more empths into this world to try and save it, if everyone is born with no empathy for anyone else this human race would completely destroy itself we would have no world left but everything in this world we live in has a meaning. I honestly hate being a sensitive person but maybe it's a gift we have been given to help humanity from destroying itself hope your ok I really liked your comment xx

[@antville5217]

I’ve been suffering from this since 1977 . I still taste and smell the dust as It was yesterday.

[@BruceSanchez]

I am a Correctional Officer in Melbourne and I went through PTSD, my claim was accepted by the insurance company after an investigation that lasted 28 days, received professional help that it was just a joke, I then took massive action and I started to research on my own, I dug deep into the human brain how it's been programmed, I started to understand why we think what we think and how to manage those thoughts and stress and take advantage on them. That happened early 2020 before COVID, and today, August 2020, after just a few months not even half year, i am having the time of live, I have allowed myself to learn from that experience with PTSD and also, I have started to help other brothers in blue who are struggling with the same nightmare as I was. I have become a coach out of my work hours, to Emergency and Law Enforcement Personnel because when I was dwelling on that dark place I couldn't find exactly what I needed so I became my counselor, my therapist my coach and I met other coaches around the world, sharing my story, being vulnerable and trying to break the culture of silence that exits among Law Enforcement Officers. My first step to get out of that situation was changing the way I was communicating to myself , understanding that we don't own what we think, we don't own what we feel, we are not feelings, emotions or thoughts, they come and go, we are above and beyond any emotions, feelings or thoughts. We tend to get attached to labels such as depression, stress, anxiety, etc those labels disempower people and is very easy to fall into those traps and make them mean everything, but that's the way we've been programmed to live in, I am seeing it every day with the Officers I am currently helping. We might be different in many aspects of life but at core.... We all the same, we all have the same basic needs, we all want to be good enough so we can be loved. I trust this little story of my life can inspire you or at least can make you see that we can overcome everything in life, sometimes we need someone to guide us, someone who's been there before. Regards Bruce Sanchez

[@lartele9517]

thank you so much, Helen, and God bless!!!

[@tashastarling870]

Thank you for this. 5 minutes in and seeing someone voice what I'm experiencing is everything.

[@sagebellic5466]

Same I cried the whole entirety she’s giving me guidance!

[@nyagoawankok4578]

Helen, I immigrated to America in 2007, I lived in Virginia as well, now I live in Lincoln. From watching your video I’ve realized I’ve been ignoring the fact that I have PTSD and Depression, however I feel as if it has limited me from my everyday life, I’ve given up on myself but now...I’m ready to face those challenges. I attended UNL but dropped out due to telling myself I wouldn’t make it nevertheless I would love to sit down and talk to you about furthering my education and having someone to turn to. Thank you

[@hanabanana196476]

I have PTSD, OCD, and have had MDD since 12. I’m doing my masters now and will do my PhD in veterinary research ❤️

[@arohakingi4863]

Thanks for sharing your inspirational story. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I can relate to similar symptoms. Peace love and light

[@YesThatPrettyGirL]

And yet, WE STILL RISE. ❤️ Thank you for sharing ur story 🙏

[@myrtillesm3532]

Thank God you found a good therapist. I got stuck in a mental destruction from a sick-analyst and psychologist that completely demolished my career, my maternity and my entire life in full impunity. She had been whitewashed by her professional corporation and association almost no questipns asked. On top of destructing me mentally and my whole life, she sent me a capitalists lawyers that defended her at the detriment of the truth and justice, as a gagsuit. I was devastated. What a monster. That therzpy in itself was traumatized . The management by her professional system added to this PTSD.

[@js5069]

It’s so beautiful! Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ God bless

[@macylou8884]

My Grandmother used to say to me. "Be Still ". or "Still Yourself". i get it now.

[@azdamanklresume3192]

wise woman

[@sarahbrandon7107]

Thank you for your story! :) you are an inspiration. God is good.

[@debrag.3900]

Wonderful, beautiful talk. Thank you.

[@kikkan7110]

Thanks for making God a natural entity. God blees!

[@gregjonglee]

I appreciated your talk. Thank you.

[@donnarosanna]

Fantastic! Thank you for this!

[@couldliveonyoutube1841]

This is an amazingly good video. Thank you so much!!

[@leosruletheworld9622]

People with ptsd no something isn't right it's just explaining this to your Dr that's the hard part it usually feels like a brick or a heaviness in your brain that won't go away

[@boduholm8463]

I feel your story I am experiencing the initial part of that story. I told a story to coworkers last week, I actually said I bought a waffle iron and made a dual waffle, with ham, cheese, and ham in between another waffle. I have a deep seeded childhood memory, of me making waffles in an iron waffle. So what I had was a flashback. When retelling that story about me buying an iron, I had a flashback and it was not a waffle iron, it was a toasting iron. Thank you for making me realize, a flashback is not necessarily a visual one. Maybe my trigger is the word Iron in my native tung. The kicker on top is, Iron is a synonym for more servers, and I work in IT.

[@hasansmith5688]

Awesome content greatly appreciated someone at suffers through complex post dramatic stress disorder along with major Depression disorder

[@thehappyhomeless]

Refreshing. Thank you

[@flightplug3597]

Incredible. Well done

[@tobiramatime]

Thank you ❤️

[@234pinnni]

Wow wow wow It helped me so much At the right time Thankx

[@Amy-ms6wj]

What a beautiful speach.

[@codacreator6162]

For most of us, this will be the game of Hot Potato others play with our treatment and support until we just give up and die because nobody thinks it's real until it's over.

[@resonance139]

Thank you so much

[@brightbite]

At least her family loved her. Try having CPTSD after decades of parental abuse. Not fun. Am I trying to hold onto the past? Not in the least. Just stating the facts. A monsoon comes, lasts years and years, and continuously wrecks your garden. It's what happened, and now you're left with the damage.

[@truthseeker6359]

brightbite Hey I suffer from the same thing, my mom put me in a house with a pedophile she chose to be with when I was 6 and had me hide all of his little secrets.....then to find out later (and remember later) that he was coming in my room at night and messing with me for years. I found out recently that my mom most likely knew he was doing these things and basically told me to get over it. I totally know how you feel to be betrayed by your own mom..... My real father passed away with cancer when I was 4. He was the most amazing man ever..... I really want to find more people that have the same trauma as me so I can talk to someone that relates! I currently do not have a lot of people in my life that can understand.... even some people just call me crazy....

[@jikofi31]

+brightbite It's true, family and social support is the most powerful defense against sustaining trauma. Those with CPTSD commonly lack that completely in their histories. I don't want to say that one mental disorder is "worse" than another. But I do agree that CPTSD (aka Developmental Trauma) is far more deep rooted and therefore far more complex in nature. It's a shame that CPTSD is not more widely recognized by the medical community. I suspect there are droves suffering from CPTSD but have been misdiagnosed with another (often more than one) disorder. My heart breaks thinking of all those who committed suicide... and how many of them may have found some relief in understanding themselves within the framework of CPTSD. Because of the complex nature of this disorder, no two survivors are exactly alike, but the fundamentals are always there. My heart goes out to both you, I know how you feel... Don't give up.

[@stanzastay-winning3278]

brightbite . Wow My childhood is scarcely similar. My mother had multiple drug addict boyfriends that violated me from the time I was in diapers up until I was 8 years old. I lived I. And out of foster care. Back in the 80's the system was a joke they kept giving me back to my psycho mother for the abuse to keep repeating. In documents from child protective services it clearly states that my mother to most definitely knew the abuse was taking place and for not only one reason but many. Abuse as such does have many clear indicators that trauma to a baby/toddler /young child genitalia Area has happened. Such as rashes, redness and most often bleeding. Anyhow that is just a fraction of my story I had to share simply because the similarities were striking. I am battling many things in my life right now some of those do stem from the trauma I have buried my whole life.

[@contrafax]

No shit right? My wife freaks out when I tell her how I am really feeling so that is not an option. Makes it worse. Dude, I feel you man. Note: Dude and man in this context is with out gender. :)

[@contrafax]

Oh yeah, the only reason I only tried suicide once is because I figured out, on my own, where the shit was coming from and decided my bastard abusers would not win. I am having a hell of a time making therapy work and the meds are only so so.

[@candicemariebeadco]

God is AWESOME! 🙌🏼

[@mousenyapocket1291]

I am thinking of writing a book about my life!.... It might be a best seller💜💙💚💛🧡❤🤗

[@maleficentshadows3967]

To the keyboard psychiatrists on here. You're not qualified to diagnose based off of a video. This diagnosis manifests vastly different across the spectrum. Please stop comparing your experience(s) with an actual qualified diagnosis. Thank you!

[@missadams5279]

Inspiring!

[@Liberty969]

Bravo 👏🏽 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@creepywhitva17]

They were there.

[@kellyborges1630]

I would say you have mdd with panic attack.... negative for Ptsd... and yes... def a good example that we are not our diagnoses... people need to understand that we can achieve anything not matter how hard it may be... we just need to give it a try and to be humble enough to ask for help...

[@seeker4wisdom]

You would be surprised. There are many people with PTSD whom you would never think do. I have personally known several. It's not something you can just look at someone and tell.

[@gentleheart3384]

@@seeker4wisdom i was diagnosed with PTSD in 2010. People that meet me always comment on my calmness. Even in chaotic moments. I call it my poker face. Inside I'm in complete overdrive, but I learnt to appear calm, because it meant life or death in my trauma events that spanned over 10 years of daily abuse. For me, I freeze when I react to danger. I think this plays a big part in how we appear on the outside. A fighter would appear assertive or agressive. Some one who has the flight reaction would be seen as timid. Thats just my opinion from what I've observed in myself and other PTSD diagnosed Ive met.

[@Elizabeth-rq1vi]

Gentle Heart you’re the freeze in “fight, flight or freeze”.

[@Jessica-g3b]

What I like to know is what happens to the brain that has ben traumatized to the point of losing, though or not being able to finish a task. I feel like a bad race horse because having what is needed to finish is gone,and it began while in this war of mental illness. My memory is fried for remembering basic things, & I've lost my enjoyment of reading books. That was the thing that allowed me to escape from my life. I don't dream & haven't for a very long time. What's the prognosis for that?????

[@kimling7132]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@leosruletheworld9622]

Why can't the head and heart be combined, I think if we had a brain with a heart in it combined we wouldn't feel so distressed I no I sound crazy but it's just a thought 🤔

[@spcooper94]

Add severe anxiety disorder & bipolar and that's me.. Therapy doesn't work for me. I'm even too smart for it. The basis is too simplistic & not specialized. I feel like I'm fighting things that I can't control.

[@thaliabeckstead-alban8580]

💗💗💗💗💗

[@fouadrz]

let it go

[@mayabb7645]

Seemed to turn into "God is real" instead of how to manage PTSD.

[@HelenFaganPhD]

I was telling my story of Managing PTSD and MDD, and for me, coping included my faith. Did you listen to the whole thing?

[@theorangeoof926]

Ultimately, it’s all about caring about yourself.

[@chongshu9365]

You get a PTSD anyway by doing a PhD

[@ThatGuyWithHippyHair]

If you knew someone with PTSD and had the slightest clue of what they go through, you wouldn't say that.

[@tirzaalberta1146]

+Chong Shu I'm sorry but this is not the right comment being said in the right context.

[@mattkaczmarczyk6953]

no thats a very relevant joke, UCL engineering graduate here who has career changed several times since...... ALSO got crohns disease!

[@leosruletheworld9622]

Karma you better watch out comments have meanings you put that comment into this world now it won't be long before something happens to you and that will cause ptsd that's the way this world works choose your comments wisely my friend or delete what you just said and ask for forgiveness

[@creepywhitva17]

I was dizzy. Didn't feel good. K

[@kimling7132]

a human doing 😢

[@mariaestrada6912]

متشکرم

[@jb6044]

PTSD?

[@kingdavidsama9869]

she cute

[@mahaeldeeb9322]

And married 😅

[@creepywhitva17]

Amazon.

[@jayncoclassic]

You don't need God you nee to see a psychiatrist. I know a psychiatrist is expensive but they are doctors as well as psychologist they have a much deeper understanding of its chemically happening. They can prescribe custom ssris and other therapies like CBT, emrd. I understand where you're coming from I don't need someone to listen to me I need someone to help me process this. If God was real he wouldn't of designed our brains to retain irrational fears.

[@aaronmichaels807]

Can one have PTSD and not know it??? surely there are signs.

[@meganlewis479]

Aaron Michaels I think so ...if u have never seen a doctor for anxiety or depression or similar issues you may have never been diagnosed. there are symptoms but symptoms can be different from person to person. I myself have the same diagnosis as the speaker PTSD, MDD, and sever anxiety.

[@somewhatlittle379]

Aaron Michaels absolutely. i experienced a traumatic event.. 1 month later, i woke, and my heart was going 1,000,000 miles an hour. i thought i was dying. All i could think of was "i don't want to die, i dont want anyone i love to die, life is SO short". i couldn't eat. i couldn't sleep. it took me 3 weeks to go to the dr, and even then i didn't know what it was. i just carried on. went to work. had panic attacks that lasted ALL day. it took 2 months for a professional to diagnose me with PTSD. if you've never experienced it, you just don't know what's happening to you. You just know something isn't right. And it's the scariest thing on earth.

[@Pokemonblast1]

i love mental disorders

[@ErnieLeblanc]

?