Moving beyond sexual shame | Mandy Ronda | TEDxApeldoorn

Sexual shame is the biggest pleasure-killer. A painful emotion, the fear of not being normal and being rejected. But what if you go beyond the shame? Dare to be shameless? Are you boundless, a shame? Or are you free in connection with your sexuality? As an anthropologist and sexologist, Mandy has studied the entire spectrum of sexuality and the layers of shame that a person encounters in it. Since 2010 she has been guiding singles and couples online and offline in the road to shamelessness and sexual freedom, connection, passion and pleasure. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@biancalococo-snyder2499]

This seriously helped me so much, I was assaulted when I was 16 and after that I felt worthless so I let anyone that I found attractive sleep with me and I have felt so ashamed of it for so long.

[@komalvashist1001]

Hi same happened to me also

[@user-bh4jf2pf6l]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m going through the same thing and this healing now is wonderful

[@sallyforth9323]

Me too. Life long shame, fear and grief around intimacy as a result.

[@laurlifts]

same happened to me:( i didn’t accept it until years later, time for us to heal

[@SCRSggIE]

❤️❤️❤️ 😢

[@emilie7137]

I can’t help but feeling ashamed everytime I hook up with someone. I fear what people will think about it and I feel like it doesn’t represent me. In the everyday life, I try to be a serious student and a kind, reliable person. I feel that these two parts of me can’t go together and that my friends will judge me.

[@tuhinsubhramandal4436]

This is absolutely me.

[@nicksamuel8324]

If you're easy then it's true most guys won't want to keep you. Thank your shame

[@jackjack4412]

I find FWB to be better than hook ups emotionally.

[@emilie7137]

@@nicksamuel8324 Because I hook up occasionaly doesn’t mean I’m easy… I choose who I hook up with, I’m not throwing myself on the first person who seems interested. Im young and still figuring things out, hooking up with people I find interest in is a good way to get to know what I like, what I want. ( It’s been 9 months since my first comment, I don’t feel ashamed anymore…)

[@emilie7137]

@@jackjack4412 I get your point, but FWB can be confusing sometimes…

[@happysoul7313]

It has made me sad, lonely, frustrated, disconnected, ashamed and anxious...the guilt and the shame over the time!! I wonder how would it be to break free bcz sometimes my mind says keep suffering it's easy and I can't understand a single thing. Having no one to talk to, no one to understand how I am feeling despite the fact we are all going through the shame. It hurts so bad.

[@marcelabriones7043]

Christ is extending you a hand🤍 you are worthy He loves you and you are so strong! Keep fighting 🤍

[@rose-mh1ry]

@@marcelabriones7043 thank you 🥰

[@Incomprehensibly79]

I feel you very much.

[@walatedjini6630]

Your comment is so relatable. I hope you are doing better now

[@erin3292]

This makes me want to cry in a good way. What a strong, vulnerable, and beautiful woman 🙏🌈✨

[@mariekevandam]

What a touching and honest talk. Wow! You made me cry. I love your mission!

[@kenpanderz672]

shame is such a negative and damaging process. it seems hard to imagine actually justifying the use of it for behavioral control. it seems inherently abusive, even/especially when you do it to yourself.

[@adalyp5361]

I seriously love this video so much. It’s just what I needed to help me overcome my shame.

[@cr9161]

Our stories are very similar! I’m glad I found this. I repeated your opening affirmation and again in closing along with the audience. At the end, I was filled with goosebumps of resonance! 🤍 thank you for your courage ✨

[@muroamie]

Oh no. Her story was so close to mine, Im so glad she made it out of the hurt and was able to show up for this talk, touching my life, an absolute stranger.

[@yassminessagar1983]

It's Full of emotions. I love what she said She's already right. And her words arrive to our hearts

[@lil_problemo]

Sobbing listening to this

[@BUBODUBO]

Full of emotions talk. I love your freedom to share it with us. Thank you

[@renzoventura]

Thank you, this made me realize and see and remember so I could deal with that pain and shame. Thanks again ❤

[@freedomafterthefight]

Thank you for having the courage to do this work. It's needed.

[@NoKidsNoProblem]

This was a great and helpful video for me. I will eventually move beyond shame.

[@91Grete]

Wat een geweldige vrouw ben je. Inhoudelijk, positief en stralend. Hoop je ooit te ontmoeten!

[@m.i.m6264]

Great job Mandy, super proud of you!

[@latifaalsadoon6978]

This made me cry

[@MC_DAVE]

Respect, that audience was so resentful and you just got the wrong crowd. Thanks for the talk, you are brave and awesome :) keep going !!!

[@ivenesbraam9450]

Veel respect voor de weg die je gegaan bent en het doorzettingsvermogen om hier nu op het podium te staan als sexpert 😀 Ik hoop dat je veel mensen zult inspireren . Voor mij ben je een groot voorbeeld van een vrouw die in haar kracht gaat staan . Worth of love and rocking 😉

[@daedae181]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. This has really helped me.

[@dawnprince1964]

Thank you for this. You are very brave. I wanted to say that I've worked with social animals my whole career, and they do feel shame.

[@Alia_q]

Hey, what do you exactly mean about "social animals", do you mean offenders? They can feel shame?

[@honeymoonavenue97]

@@Alia_qAre you messed in the head what are you talking about

[@theotherway1639]

Good vid. The book "30 Days to Overcome Shame" by Harper Daniels, was also a big help.

[@madelaineviolette]

Wauw! Loved it, so fully open and honest. Thanks, Mandy.

[@olwethufile8550]

The similarities in your story truly makes my heart bleed 💔. Love and light❤

[@zcreate_great]

Father's love your sons and daughters regardless of the difficulty with your ex, SO, or children. The pain and emptiness left if you don't is something you can never fix. I'm glad she made it through and found a way to help others, but wouldn't it have been better to have a loving dad? If you struggle father's surround yourself with other involved fathers.

[@valpalmer247]

Well done! Great and to the point. Powerful. Very important for people to hear and experience. Thank you 😊.

[@rainnight8101]

the video heal me at this moment,thank you

[@storey8965]

Really good. Thanks so much Mandy.

[@JessicaTayB]

This is why mothers and fathers need to think twice before cheating.

[@elliemathews6884]

Yes but you never know what is going on in their hearts or minds also. I cheating on my husband and had 3 children that it hurt. I am so deeply hurt and ashamed by it. I never meant to hurt anyone by my actions but I was so dead inside. My marriage was dead and so toxic. I didn't want to hurt anyone but when you feel like you are almost ready to breathe your last breath and someone comes along with an "oxygen tank" it's really really hard to pass it up and know that if you take that life giving breath it will hurt people. For many woman this is the situation they are in.

[@JessicaTayB]

@@elliemathews6884 Adultery is not an oxygen tank. If you want to cheat, and it’s a bad marriage, leave the marriage. People make mistakes, but if you feel like cheating and am contemplating on doing it, talk to your spouse or don’t stay in the marriage. It hurts the spouse and the children in the long run and is not worth it. It’s better to leave the situation, despite financial issues or any other issue.

[@OfficialMyxomatosis]

@@JessicaTayB - I agree with you. I'm in my 40's and the only child (daughter) of a single Father who died two decades ago. My "parents" divorced the fall very quickly before I turned 4 years old. One day, my Father was on television volunteering for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, handling the phones when they used to do telethons. _(I am cursed with one of those brains that remembers EVERYTHING, time-stamped, like a photograph or movie.)_ My Dad waved to me at 5 pm, like he said he would, and I started down the stairs to tell my mom. I opened the living room door, _and there was my mother _*_with a man who was NOT MY FATHER!_* She pushed me out of that room and slammed the door. I heard shuffling and muffled voices, followed by doors closing. Then my mom let me watch the rest of the telethon in the living room and told me that man was the pizza delivery guy. When my Father returned that evening from volunteering and came in to check on me (I was already asleep.) and make sure I saw him wave, I made sure to tell him, yes, and that mommy had a strange bearded man in the house. *My mother married that bearded man, made me be "in" the wedding because I am HER daughter, sued my Father for custody 3 times, and lost (Dad won sole custody every time.) AND bearded husband has always had issues since I did "bust them."

[@manostitu]

That’s why she didn’t understand true love 🙏💙

[@valvalvalval25]

You're a beautiful human, thank you for the speech. A fan from instagram! (:

[@aitch365]

She’s kind of a badass

[@bcburt2000]

She is an inspiration!

[@lifeisrandom1760]

Very moving

[@cnaber9827]

thank you from my heart

[@saliamae]

Wow, thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[@pinkrockstar18]

Thank you!

[@bmk313]

Thank you

[@collinbriel1652]

Great Job Mandy! 🌼✌🏽

[@Octaviacliosisley]

This was so wonderful! ❤

[@aliciascat9433]

I blame Religion.

[@zakaurrehman4215]

so do i bro. otherwise there is nothing wrong but guilt destroys us. RELIGION IS LEGALISED MADNESS

[@richardnotman787]

I do as well.

[@Pessia88]

If you get touched by the wrong person you get ashamed. Very hard to fix

[@nosisamaseko2825]

Same smh.

[@eduardosabordo7719]

@@Pessia88 up

[@LitsaPizza]

Super!

[@marinalhouff]

God Bless.

[@marithiedema]

Wat goed gedaan!!

[@yolandabikker6784]

FEM Power woman

[@Passiyona]

Nice but how do we become shameless?

[@Bill0102]

What a remarkable creation; parallel to a novel that touched on these subjects. "A Life Unplugged: Reclaiming Reality in a Digital Age" by Various Authors

[@SammydeK]

💚💚💚

[@pk56403]

Lust feels good until it controls you or makes you control others. The holy spirit is about love, self control and kindness.

[@ashleyspurling5701]

Not for everyone.

[@3mepleasenow]

Birds do it, bees do it but loving human beings have been banned from spending their minerals here with plants being worshipped as what?

[@3mepleasenow]

Oh Loki how’s.

[@3mepleasenow]

You.

[@davidbru1]

A queeen

[@ahsimnebuah3787]

Douze points

[@lilyjane1011]

I stumbled upon this video after visionning some vidéos on promiscuity greatly shaming, moralizing, naming promiscuous people.... What an interesting we live in..... 🙄

[@NellthePleasureCoach]

has anyone else noticed the young man in the front row who has a low level smile the entire time? Freaking me out

[@Sisterlisk]

Perhaps he finds the topic disturbing and doesn't want others to know his thoughts

[@lentebriesje78]

it's her boyfriend and he is just proud :)

[@merelmiyuki3287]

[@joycegoes266]

Tum muje batao na ki tum tommorrow psychiatrist se baat karoge. Tum muje youtube par batao na ki tum tommorrow psychiatrist se baat karoge. Yaa koi hint do muje ki tum psychiatrist se baat karoge

[@mmr0221]

Mandy gave me a handy

[@jsraadt]

This talk is not for asexuals who use a wheelchair

[@متعةالمعرفة-ز4ن]

The guilt and shame😂😂😂😂😂 poor guys

[@froggy2926]

[@tommac21]

This is pretty funny. Does this comedy show travel ? 😀😀

[@ashleyspurling5701]

Wtf?

[@TRA]

Wtf 😂

[@pk56403]

Wow starting right out with making the audience repeat after her... demonic