Finding Courage to Talk About Child Sexual Abuse | Jill Tolles | TEDxUniversityofNevada

When the subject of child sexual abuse comes up, we get uncomfortable. In this inspirational talk by Jill Tolles, we are challenged to find the courage to have this conversation and be a hero for the 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys who are effected by this silent epidemic.
Jill Tolles has taught Communication Studies for the past 10 years at the University of Nevada, Reno and is a member of the teaching faculty at the National Judicial College.
She serves on the school board of Saint Albert the Great Catholic School, is the chair of the Washoe County School District’s Say Yes for Kids committee, a member of the Senate Task Force for the Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse, and an advocate for education and child protection issues in the state of Nevada. In the 2015 legislative session, Jill worked with legislators to pass a law establishing statewide curriculum standards to help prevent child abuse by teaching personal safety in grades K-12. As a survivor herself, a teacher and a mother, she is deeply passionate about expanding the conversation on this silent epidemic to bring awareness, healing and prevention.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@pollyhillis2212]

I have never been more proud of you, Jill. When I learned of what my step-father had done to you, I never doubted your story. The one thing I could hang onto on that terrible day was the faith that you would turn evil into good. I know you will save many tortured lives with your courage. I love you! -Mom

[@carolgerber6375]

+Polly Hillis - Thank you for supporting her. That is so amazing. If all mothers would do that, it would be so healing!

[@Adia363]

Thank you for you guys' faith, kindness, and courage! Sincerely thank you!

[@bluey1610]

Carol Gerber isn't that the truth, it's hard enough to work through without worrying about being believed

[@favooolosa]

Polly Hillis Thank you for having Jill.

[@Cocinaconlala]

Hi, I am doing a project to prevent sexual abuse from childhood ... I wanted to know if you are interested in participating with information or ideas on how to do it. Thanks

[@MsPlugOutlet]

Thank you for your courage. This is immensely inspiring. Sincerely, 1 in 4.

[@alicewiggin6409]

jamie james I'm sorry that happened to you....I'm 1 in 4 as well.

[@ewe76070]

Alice Wiggin that makes 3 out of 12

[@destinyheath6583]

1 in 4 here too.

[@Issie0981]

5 out of 20

[@hodzal5258]

Its 1 of 3 now

[@TheVangogh57]

Hi jill ! I am an abuse survivor. my abuser was my own father ,I was eleven when I bucked up the courage to tell my mother, what had been happening for two year's , as soon as Cliiff (my father) came home from work my mother who has always been a gentle natured person, confronted him , she told him to pack his bags and leave , then she took me to get help . My parents divorced , I felt guilty about it for a long time , then when I was in my twenties , I found out that he had also abused another , one of my cousin's, they didn't say anything before because they thought no one would believe them .

[@th-rd2xh]

What do you do when the mother tells the daughter that at 12 years old it was the child's fault for leading the stepfather on....

[@th-rd2xh]

Yes, and she still blames me today and says she forgives me for hurting her like that. She is in total denial and will not ever say sorry to me.

[@th-rd2xh]

By the way I am talking on my friend's behalf as she is not able to break the silence yet. What do you suggest?

[@th-rd2xh]

she us now 29, alchohol and drug abuse, trying to recover. she hates herself and can only tolerate herself if she is high

[@jackiebrown7077]

how horrible and so very wrong to say to a child. :(

[@ranjeeta_mahato]

What if mothers don't give you space to talk with them, believe you or rather blame you for happening? Judge your character and conscience? The remembering is devastating. Right now I have a tornado in my mind and don't know what to do to stop it.

[@khazovaru9892]

Ranjeeta Mahato talk to other people. Keep trying! teachers, parents of your friend ! to A safe adult who will help you.

[@nickilovesdogs8137]

I feel you. Mothers who are in denial are also responsible for their children's suffering. Leave all people in your life who are not capable of truly loving you and understanding you. Go to social workers and ask them to have the predators arrested.

[@euniceestrada6769]

I remember I told my mom my step father was touching me in such horrible way and she didn’t believed me .

[@piyusha1912]

How are you doing now ???

[@ashleypennell7331]

Hi. I'm Ashley, I am a sexual abuse victim. I just want to say that you're honestly a inspiration. My abuser was my brother. And none of my family members care.

[@haynah100]

Yup I hear that. Much love. So hard x

[@jokifka]

My biological father was the abuser, my mother knows but doesn't care

[@Antifogasta]

Please allow me, but it was not your fault that your abuser went after someone else and you do not know that if you had complied he would only have abused you. Be nice to yourself - it's ok I understand.

[@HeidiTieu]

Antifogasta its not your fault, you did the right thing for not complying.

[@ChristAndChristCrucified]

I really loved how you said silence is the predators best friend and that speaking out is the answer. But it hurt when you got to the part about having the courage to speak out to a family member/trusted person because I tried doing that so many times in my life and never found anyone who would listen. It made me go further and further into denial for so long and destroyed me as a person. I had to figure everything out for myself and be my own support system once it got so bad, I didn't want it to get even worse. I had to hit rock bottom, and it almost cost me my life. I hope that more people will be open to this abuse, but a lot of times the only people we have to speak out to are abusers themselves, we can be surrounded. I've learned that most people cannot be trusted, and the only person you can really count on is yourself. I think that's an important message as well, as sad as it may be.

[@lauramcauliffe6553]

Thank you Jill for having the courage to have this difficult talk. I pray many will be inspired by your words to speak out against this horrifying epidemic.

[@samsaporito]

my mother was my abuser and i talk about it every time i can

[@Adia363]

You are brave! Never give up on hope! Because you deserve it!!! To all the survivors!

[@samsaporito]

thank you ,yes never

[@noelslist]

My father and step mother were , when I told my mother she tried to kill me ,and did not think I was telling the truth. My best friend's mother and my English teacher were the ones who tried to help.

[@samsaporito]

very sorry to hear this thaks for sharing it

[@sveta237]

Sam Saporito yaaaaaasssss speak the Truth 💪💪💪

[@favooolosa]

I now know what I want to do in my future. I want to develop the courage to reach others by telling my story. I am tired of living a masked life. Smiling ....while suffering...fighting a war in my head....I'm going to love my inner child....and walk with my head up...I'm going to be able to look at myself in the mirror...I'm going to be able to invite my family to hear me speak of me....see me in a environment where I FEEL SAFE. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Thank You Jill....💗

[@sonal2461]

I read your words and it felt as if I was describing myself.I hope you are doing well now! ❤

[@mckenzieconnelly3275]

Thank you so much for having this talk. I didn't realize what happened to me was so common. I was abused by my neighbor for 2 years between the ages of 5 and 7. I still struggle with how to deal with it and how I can trust guys again. But thank you, thank you, thank you for having this talk and raising some much needed awareness. I know all of us appreciate it. Sincerely, 1 in 4

[@Jie4550]

I was emotionally abused and groomed by a trusted family friend. I've had people invalidate or tell me that it could have been worse, because there was no physical assault.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

Jie4550 studies have shown that emotional and psychological abuse can be worse than physical AND sexual abuse COMBINED. I wish there were more tangible signs of emotional abuse in order for there to be laws against it. no child should have to go through any type of abuse.

[@anncoconutvietnam3714]

Just for the first 5 minutes and your message hits my brain and my heart so deep, I began to have mixed emotions and I know that I am a survivor and I am not the only one. I wish you nothing but good life and miracles coming your way. May God heal you and uplift your life , so you will continue to uplift others too.!!!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@mohinigadre8001]

This is amazing. You literally had me in tears at the end!

[@bethgatchell1698]

I am grateful for your courage to speak out. Thank you. I am confronting my own abuse and trauma story. This talk is great comfort at 1a.

[@bryanteresajanzen8240]

So proud of you Jill! Excellent job talking about the uncomfortable things. - Teresa

[@joyolson9643]

"Silence is a predator's best friend"

[@gabbykitty5318]

I find that the books and "talks" about good/bad touch only talk about not letting people touch you. What's also needed is just a sentence or two about it not being ok to touch someone else's "private" areas even if they say it's ok. My abuser never touched me in the areas the books say it's not ok, but instead he made me touch him.

[@sayitaintso9240]

Gabby Kitty that's an excellent point. small children who get curious also get handsy and hurt without meaning to due to not being taught consent. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this.

[@Zinetha]

Thank you. I'm 1 in 4, also.

[@trishkaufmann5075]

Magnificent job! Your approach to talking about this difficult topic and sharing from your heart is so appreciated and inspiring. I, too, am a “1 of 4” and pray that God will use your courageous message to touch many hearts and encourage the open communication that can lead to prevention as well as healing and restoration in the lives of many survivors. God Bless!

[@tbrown1480]

Jill - you are amazing. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@jodil.oppenhuizen2382]

Wow. Thank you, Jill. I'm showing this to my kids (I'm a school counselor) tomorrow.

[@AlexiaVernon]

The light in me honors the light in you, Jill Tolles. Thank you for this gorgeous, important talk.

[@Johnonayacht]

As a survivor and who is struggling thank you for this!! Thank you so so much!!

[@deeksharao7588]

hope every child discovers that courage...

[@crescentbeach691]

You don't have to forgive your abuser to come to a point of peace and understanding. You don't have to forgive your abuser in order to move forward in your life. It is totally worth talking to someone you trust in older to come to terms with these unforgivable assaults to your well-being. And finally, it is NOT up to you to spread the word by talking about your experiences. That is a personal decision and there is no wrong choice. Some people wish to speak out, some do not. No blame. Just a wish for people to reclaim their lives and lay claim to a measure of peace and happiness they so richly deserve. We are survivors and we have already paid our dues- in full.

[@nickilovesdogs8137]

Wrong!!! You Have the Responsibility to yourself and Others to Speak Out and bring an end to this tormenting silence and denial.

[@sayitaintso9240]

Nicki LovesDogs for many it is not safe to come forward or lack the support to do so. Abusers are usually in a position of power or well esteemed in their society. Life is already difficult enough living with trauma, it is unfair to put the burden on those who have been hurt already. It is up to society to stop victim blaming and start taking seriously those who are courageous enough to speak up and as a community do more to protect children and all those affected.

[@darleneoneil4713]

Thanks, I have long struggled w trying to forgive... not being able to do so made me feel like a mean failure. Healing Hugs

[@historychannel2317]

My mother was my abuser. I used to think of the phrase forgive amd forget. Well i always had a problem with the forgetting part before recovery. Now 10 years into recovery i understand that forgiveness can be a daily process and forgetting is not required to forgive.

[@bluey1610]

Thank you for saying this and being strong enough to speak about it in such a public forum. I am so pleased to hear you say what it took me years to come to terms with, What happened to me DOES NOT define me.

[@terryfenwick]

Jill, that was so beautifully done. Every word. I thank you for having the courage. I want to share this with everyone I can think of. Much love to you for all of your ministry.

[@Jojohumf]

This has me very emotional. I'm a survivor and I've been coming to terms with what happened to me. I'm seeing a therapist soon to help me get over it.

[@lauraprescott1314]

I have an A.C.E. score of 8... When I tried in my early 20' s to tell and my mother dismissed me. I have spent most of my life in a disassociative state. I am now in my early 30's. I am just now starting to heal.

[@Jojohumf]

I feel so bad for you Honestly. I'm 18 and I've only just come to realise what happened to me years ago. I thought nothing of it until I saw a KZbin video. I'm going to see a therapist in a few weeks time

[@angelag937]

I’m also 1 in 4. Thank you for your talk. It helped me, even though I never told anyone until I started therapy a year ago and told my therapist. I don’t think I’ll ever tell anyone in my family, maybe a friend, but not my family as my abuser was a member of my expended family.

[@ukhtis3276]

Same it’s been 2 years since u commented have u finally told someone ? I wanna know if I’ll someday have the courage to also let someone know in the family since it was one of them.

[@angelag937]

@@ukhtis3276 , I did tell some friends and even a sister in law just a few months ago and hopefully soon I will be ready to do it with my siblings, as my mom died 9 months ago and my father 10 years ago, but it still scares me…

[@sarcasticallyevelyn8418]

I am so incredibly thankful that I saw this, this was infinitely helpful and inspiring. Thank you so much

[@mzivanovic677]

Amazing speech, so important topic. Thank you, Jill. 💕

[@calumbrooknicolson]

Thank you for sharing, Jill.

[@trail_blazer1513]

We need more stories to be told. I think it is especially important to have survivors of sexual abuse perpetrated by family members to tell their stories. This is sadly way more common than we want to believe and disclosure is such a complicated issue. My abuser was my older brother, who was still a child himself. Who was my mom to support? Would I have seen it as a betrayal if she believed me, but showed him any support? Am I supposed to demonize him, 25 years later, knowing that he was enduring other types of abuse (bullying) himself at the time the abuse occurred? Such a mixed bag of emotions

[@SajalKishoreRastogi]

That's so thoughtful and thought provoking. Stay smart and strong!

[@monikaillitova1474]

What? I am so sorry to hear that! I think that even if he was bullied that does not give him right to do any of the mentioned above! Did you try to confront him? Do you still live together? I hope you find your peace and truth, good luck!

[@trail_blazer1513]

Agreed, just because he was being bullied, that doesn't make it in any way right. But it makes it harder for survivors to feel at peace, at least for me. It makes it harder to be angry about what happened (when anger is an appropriate reaction and a necessary part of healing), knowing that he was enduring his own kinds of abuse. Sibling abuse gets emotionally difficult for other reasons too. For most of my adolescence and early adulthood, I have blamed myself for letting myself get manipulated into doing things that I look back at with total disgust.& I thought of myself as more of a co-conspirator, rather than a victim until I could look at what happened with adult eyes. People forget that sibling bonds can make it easy for kids to get manipulated into doing things, even if they aren't outright physically forceful.& I have confronted him (years later), and he has apologized- and I felt he was sincere. This happened 25 years ago, so, no, we don't live together. I felt compelled to comment because Jill makes it seem like it's an easy thing to tell one's mother and doesn't mention the (potentially big) drawbacks to that. I'm not saying a kid shouldn't tell their parents for ongoing abuse (they need to tell someone they trust!), but just pointing out that disclosure to one's mother can be complicated, depending on the circumstances. Besides the issues with my own situation, sexual abuse often occurs in the context of other abuse in the family. Is a mom who beats her kids the best person to tell? Although my mother was not abusive, she has bad anxiety and has a tendency to make anything bad that happens in my life mostly about her own anxiety, which is another layer I'd rather not deal with.

[@ACDragonfly]

Way to go Jill!!! Fighting the good fight!

[@jodibond3401]

What a beautiful speaker, incredible how calm you stayed talking about this. Thank you for sharing.

[@Quandary-t1d]

Thank you for sharing! Your words mean so much.

[@euniceestrada6769]

This made me cry so much because I been through it and this made me so negative about my self I hate my self I don’t think I’m perfect I underestimate my self way too much .

[@emilythesongbird2306]

Thank you for your heroic talk and the courage it took to tell your story. I agree that we all have potential to be heroes in our lives. I, too, have had uncomfortable conversations such as this, and it was the best thing I ever did. We need to talk about these difficult things with compassion and authenticity. Thank you for doing this. You have a strong and beautiful spirit. Many Blessings.

[@donahvig4167]

I'm 15 now I was raped and touched by my cousin when I was 8 but strangely I can barely remember it but it makes me so sad when I try to acknowledge it and I can't remember how I felt about it I've never told anyone ,1 in 6 sorry if I said anything stupid .

[@ElaborateTiger]

It's incredible that you can even acknowledge it at such a young age but the important thing is that you find the courage to tell someone. I had to wait until my abuser killed himself and after that, another 2 years before I finally told someone. I'm 22 now and in the last 6 months I've told my sister, my two best friends and my parents. This is very hard to deal with and putting on that fake smile to avoid upsetting people hurts but reading stories like yours helps me cope. Thanks, fellow 1 in 6.

[@karenking7230]

Your not the only 1 in 6 my little brother was too

[@darleneoneil4713]

Oh, I'm SO sorry...it is VERY understandable to barely remember it. You may have dissociated while it happened. Not cured yet, but 15 years of seeing a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist has helped more than I thought it would. Good luck, fellow survivor. Healing Hugs

[@cristinarusso2950]

Hey there ❤️ it's completely normal to not have any memory or poor memory of the event, because it's our natural response to trauma, the brain tries to forget it ❤️

[@byronwolf8692]

This is very late but I am also 1 in 6 and it was also from my cousin. I dont know what to do, I hate thinking of it and can never talk to anyone about it. If you resolved this please help me too. I'm 18 right now and was I think 10 or 11 at the time.

[@zenabahmad4618]

I started crying when she spoke directly to us. -1 in 4

[@mksabourinable]

"One of the key factors to recovery is the support of the mother" my mother was the one who sexually abused me throughout my childhood.... maybe that's why I can't.... recover... get past it. idk. Fuck.

[@shaelaechevarria7223]

My heart breaks for you. You are not alone. Although I was not abused by my mother, I understand what it's like to lack support from the one person whose responsibility was to keep you safe. I hope that in the process of your healing you find Jesus there.

[@loisgarman88]

+Shay Nickels / Jesus is supposed to be all-knowing and perfect love yet if you believe this, you must accept that Jesus watches every child being abused and does nothing, OR, ..... there is no Jesus/god.

[@walkerpaul]

Lois Garman Jesus was being abused with her, he went through it with her. He didn't stop it, but he will help you get through it, he brings healing....

[@loisgarman88]

"1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys who are effected by this silent epidemic." Did you read the description for the video? This has gone on throughout the millennia and continues until human beings, the only ones who can do something about it, put an end to it. I am an abuse survivor having been abused by my father as a baby and small child. I have struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) most of my life. If there were a god who had any power or was of any use to anyone, surely he would not allow such things to happen to helpless children.

[@walkerpaul]

I too am an abuse survivor, there is a Bod and his name is Jesus. Run into His arms...

[@chubbyhippy]

I'm so glad the speakers mother heard her. My parents told me to stop lying or I'd be grounded. My dad apologized years later while my mom to this day refuses to apologize for her role in not helping me.

[@lalaguzman2575]

Me too. It hurts so bad.

[@misssattva6042]

Thank you so much for your speech!

[@velfcookie4734]

I can't tell my grandmother that her own brother has been sexually abusing me since I was 7. I even recorded him doing this to me even though I was 22 at the time, I watched the video of myself being abused and I realized that wasn't me. Looking at myself in the video it looked like someone else. It didnt look like me. I recorded it because I felt that if he tried to kill me then police would know why. But I still have the video on my computer. And no one else has seen it but me. This fear is very real. Revealing this to my family is scary for me. I don't know what to do. If I would have had a camera or cell phone to record it back when I was little, I am sure this would seem like more of a crime. But now that I am older, there will be no punishment for him. Because of the shame and guilt, he will be allowed to walk free.

[@monikaillitova1474]

I think it is still an abuse even though you're not a child anymore, you called it that too! I don't know why can't you tell her, but imagine not telling anyone for the rest of your life, would you be okay with that? In your opinion, will your grandmother stand by you and support you? Good luck!

[@haynah100]

I hear your pain. Part of your pain is having to let people know this happened to you. To be seen as a victim. It's very hard. Only do it when you're ready to handle it. Much love x

[@lsweet222]

Shalea Shaw he can still get in trouble for it. He has abused you since you were a child. you being an adult and him still doing it is adding insult to injury. he can still get in trouble. I hope you are okay. you don't deserve this and I believe you 100 percent

[@peernuli]

There is something call dissociation this sound like it. Check it out, by best wishes, hope you are doing fine!

[@Jojohumf]

Report him. Report him. Don't feel sorry for him, he took advantage of you and it time you fight back. You need to tell someone. It's hard but you can do it

[@blueprincesses6403]

I wanna be a hero. I wanna protect kids who suffer from this. Because, I also used to be a victim.

[@metallicaJo1988]

What a strong woman.

[@gabriellapoirier2627]

What a beautiful soul 💕

[@0920jenny]

I was sexually abused for the first time at 4yrs old by a teen boy neighbor. The second time at 8yrs by a family friend, a third time by another neighbor at 11yrs. The fourth time at 17yrs by my first boyfriend. He was 26 years old and the sexual abuse continue through out the duration of the relationship. The fifth and the last time was by a dance teacher.

[@wandereroftheworld2194]

0920jenny dont worry you are so strong! Stay strong and stay safe

[@i.dig.ducks02]

Thank you. Really. Sincerely, 1-in-4

[@allylee2914]

This happened to me and my two older sisters by our own dad and when we told our mum she didn’t believe us because when she was younger it also happened to her , she still doesn’t believe us about the issues

[@user-jw8oq1ly7n]

1 in 6. Struggled so many years. still alive but broken in parts. Would be lifechanging if internet had been create before

[@libbyalthoff4394]

YAS yas YAS, a million times YES!!!

[@jesscunningham840]

1 in 4 ~thank you so much Jill for sharing your story, you were very courageous.....

[@bellabrandt1320]

Honestly... this video made me feel worse. It scared me, because I don't want someone to think of me as a survivor, I want to be thought of as a person.

[@ZuneFreek]

You decide who you are. It's more important for you to be well than for others to think of you in whatever manner they might. It's also more important that you share your story, if given the chance, rather than not. I wish you all the best Bella.

[@ElaborateTiger]

I hate the word survivor in this context too, it makes it sound like I almost died and the last thing I want to do is overdramaticise what happened to me. I despise my abuser but I still don't want to over-demonise him because it makes me feel like I'm lying.

[@anncoconutvietnam3714]

Her conversation needs more views and share it please!!!

[@rogeliomanuel523]

ANNCOCONUTVIETNAM

[@youknowwho9964]

This world is so messed up. People say tell someone but when you do, you get blamed..

[@isal2281]

In the Middle East the stigma is unbelievable. But there is hope.

[@anno9260]

Thank you and God bless you x

[@AnthonyDOrtiz]

Thank you.

[@polymathdiaries5818]

Thank you!

[@VenessaBobbA2ndVoice]

Thank you Jill!!

[@th-rd2xh]

So what if the mother rejects the child and blames her 12 years old daughter for leading on the stephdad?

[@sveta237]

tersia harmse what if the mother watches and encourages?

[@nikstockwell611]

What if the mother tries to hide it because she favors the older child over the younger one? She doesn't want him to get what he deserves. The worst part? Her father did it too. Not just her son.

[@itsekaterina646]

Thank you 💚

[@sveta237]

if the support of the mother is the key factor, its hardest then for incest survivors, sigh........

[@charisleighmusic]

I had no hero and no memory of the event until recently. I was asked if I might be making it up. It hurt. The remembering is torture.

[@charlottepatterson7639]

Thank you

[@jackiebrown7077]

Very brave of you Jill! Thank you for sharing your story with the world. My dad was a pedophile his whole life, he's dead now, thankfully. They rarely get rehabilitated, and per his councillors words to me. When my sisters and I told my Mom, she never doubted us and confronted him. Without my Mom, I would not be the strong person I am today and owe her my very life. He would go on to molest a lot of other children because parents did not want to have their child stand up in court. They want to protect their child, but by doing so, they put other children in danger. When we heard other children were getting abused, we got together with another family who's daughters were getting abused and put him in jail. In those days, he got a slap on the wrist. 3 years in a minimum security prison, and only served 3/4 of that. For 29 counts. Including rape. Laws need to change. People need to have the guts to talk about this. It's an epidemic and it ruins lives. Sweeping it under the rug has allowed it to grow.

[@sayitaintso9240]

Jackie Brown wow how brave of you all to have stood up. It is especially hard when the abuser is a parent or caretaker. the justice system is failing these children as well. people get more time for using drugs...ironically drugs are often an unhealthy tool survivors use to cope....laws are part of the problem. this is for sure an epidemic

[@Tiffanydw4]

Moms being the predictor of healing? Scary, when a mom calls you a liar and says you are making it up.

[@shiloh2822]

child advocate and police department are a joke no one believes the child!

[@junevon1738]

Thanks HERO!!!!!!!!!

[@Antifogasta]

Its a good theory but what happens if your mother is the abuser?

[@emmy9985]

I am an Arabic woman I have been in many sexual harassment.. in my world that was enough to cause my death.. I couldn't talk I couldn't point to any one.. my life turned to a big scape.. I had no help until now.. every day in my life I think of killing my self to get rest and to stop all those noises in my head.. I have so much anger inside me.. I want to cry all the time.. the things I'v been through leave me with health issues left me an able to have kids.. and over weight and other issues.. I can't wait to get out of this train.. of my life..!

[@catejoshua6017]

[e-mail] Speak to me Pretty, I'm from a similar world. I know you can't tell anyone, because the harms would be on you. I know that. I get that. It's not your fault. Never. So please talk to me, I want to help you!My name's Tu(ğ)ba, you can call me Tuba

[@kja8137]

+Meme Nebal, I am happy to hear that you now have help. I'm sorry that you endured so much. It was not your fault. You are precious. It sounds like the anger you have has been turned inward because it was dangerous to show it before now. Best wishes as you find a path toward healing.

[@emmy9985]

I try to get help.. but every thing in my life so missed up.. there is no way to go out of all that.. no way

[@catejoshua6017]

+Meme Nebal There's a way. There's always a way. I really want to help you, please write to me per mail

[@emmy9985]

I am so scared to talk about it to strangers.. it may cause a problem to my family

[@gabrielleaviva]

When you are kid and its your own father..,

[@Barbwiregallery]

Thanks for you

[@rogeliomanuel523]

David Louis Wall

[@Luna-ft8yh]

I told my mother. She ignored me. Pretended nothing happened

[@cristinarusso2950]

Mothers, believe your children, the are not lying and not believing them can do so much damage, take it from my personal experience

[@lifechoices6643]

Everyone deserves happiness. I follow a simple spirituality called Nichiren Buddhism whose practice can heal scars and guide to happiness.Thanks

[@92Garrus]

To the 1 in 4 and 1 in 6 survivors among the commenters here, what are your opinions on restorative justice for solving this epidemic? Do you think a process like that would encourage more offenders (particularly family members) to come forward and admit wrongdoing, and if they did would you see the RJ program (including but not limited to the taking of accountability for the crime committed) as beneficial to you?

[@yousraleb9806]

I was harassed by my hg teacher i told the administation they simply replied by its because of your short skirt even because of a skirt that wasnt 5 cm longer below my knee no one stood up for for me but i will do for myself

[@rameenrehman]

1 in 4 😔

[@mmtzmohamed1441]

I was abused by my teacher when i was 7 he always make me last student to tick my book so he can have opportunity when student gone... this is my secret

[@lolanon2989]

Can't help but ask myself "where's my hero?"

[@tiasykes3182]

I was abused mutipul timws by 2 ppl i was 1when it started n lasted till i was around the age of 13 n then it happen again this year by someone else that n i am 15 now i used to think it was my fault but not anymore i came oyt this year about both the ppl n we r in the process if court now i want to also help aweness of this stuff n help kids n adults come out about it n help them learn how to deal with it n let ppl no there stoires if they want to share i am gonna create a you tube channel but i dont have 1 yet but i will have the songs i wright on there about strength n struggles n more n i will also talk about what happen to ke how i delt with it how i feel about it and more n i will also lisen to anyones opinion n stories

[@ABG77277]

What did she mean by mentioning Ebola in 1:33 ?

[@christsfailure0009]

Lol, she be cray cray!

[@contrafax]

But I want the damn cape.

[@lilmiscuti3]

Haha, my mom tells me to shut up about it... Oh, the pain.

[@alefdias4435]

💙

[@MaxBright4]

Police in 3 different jurisdictions refused to help my family. Can you say #Pizzagate?

[@beautifulcatastrophe]

😭😭😭😭🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@katlin9274]

I am 15 , when I was 5 or so my sister used to come into my bed and kiss and touch me , she would come in the shower and touch me all over. I don’t know how to tell anyone.

[@librapaladin81]

Katlin, I am a Family Counselor. Your comment is from 3 months ago. Have you reached out to anyone yet? If not, I will do whatever I can to find you resources local to you who can talk to you and help you. Reply to this and I'll help however I can. But I would urge you instead to act immediately. Hear are some resources for you... Be brave... take that first step..... DARKNESS TO LIGHT HELPLINE (1-866-FOR-LIGHT) 24/7 assistance providing local resource referrals and answering questions. CHILDHELP (1.800.4ACHILD) Serving the United States, its territories, and Canada, the hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week providing assistance in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential. Linked page includes a list of child protective services phone numbers by state.

[@maric9839]

and u say is not only men ? yes mostly men

[@jeffreyrichardson]

jodys womanhood kaitlyn doug ed buy the would shermans understood

[@jeffreyrichardson]

:(

[@jeffreyrichardson]

jacqueline carver mister welch jodys father lauries hot lather

[@jeffreyrichardson]

jodys limburger current events ms kruger lou santos luger

[@jeffreyrichardson]

Scott? Laurie?

[@TheJamesNigra]

I like the message but this woman needs to take a public speaking class. Her body language and verbiage is extremely awkward and cringe worthy. I wish she was providing insight or info that can't be found on wikipedia.

[@critmail]

but she wasn't sexually abused. so how is this helpful? sexual harassment?. after being abused by 4 different people from 5 to 18. I don't feel her message as more than a self promoting, school poster. not a real story. not being insensitive, but she is not helpful to someone that had real sexual abuse

[@trail_blazer1513]

You can't sexually harass a child without it being abusive. An adult should not be under any circumstances sexually propositioning a child

[@ALicia-rn4mq]

She said she had "unspeakable things" done to her in the bath when she was a child, by a grown man. I'm fairly sure that's sexual abuse.

[@imallbitch]

I am 1 in 4, just went to trial with mine, he got off, and now I feel violated all over again, the will to live is low. My mother has never spoken to me about it.

[@ejmmc7803]

I believe this woman is a liar. She is part of the industry, she makes her income in this area. Unfortunately some people want to exaggerate and create hysteria to increase their income.

[@ejmmc7803]

Jill Tolles talks of a "step grandfather". She is 6 and stays at his place overnight??? He comes to her bath and fingers her up??? My God, none of the people I know would never expect their very young daughter to stay overnight in a *non relative's* house and have a bath. If this happened, a man in such a situation could be in prison for life, even if nothing happened. Men are very aware that they do not leave themselves in the same room as a young girl who is not their daughter. Jill Tolles speaks very highly of her mother, let me assure you that if her mother was at all normal she would not be leaving her daughter alone with a non-relative older male who she was not sure about. Not just to protect her daughter, but to protect the man. Six year old's don't keep secrets from their mother, especially not a secret requested by someone they don't know nearly as well as mum. Normally if a parent were to find out that a step-grandfather were to enter a bathroom of a naked 6-year-old they would be asking questions. If the girl said anything incriminating at all, good old step grandfather will die in prison. This story is a fabrication and not a very good one.

[@critmail]

6 year olds absolutely keep secrets from their mother. I was one of them. I was told not to tell my mom by a babysitter because he said my mom would be upset with me. My mom was a single mom and I already knew at a young age to behave and be easy on her to raise. So I didnt tell her to spare breaking her heart.

[@trail_blazer1513]

Shame on you. How many 6 year olds have you actually been around? Plenty keep secrets from their parents, especially if they are told that they will get in trouble for doing so. Also, if sexual abuse is so rare, and it is just a bunch of exaggerated "hysteria" , then why do your comments imply that a mother wouldn't dare leave her daughter with another male? Finally, is the mother not "normal" if she leaves her daughter in the care of her husband or son, or even a female relative, because they are commonly abusers too?

[@theknowall2232]

Agree with the initial comment. Jill Tolles is one of those women who loves to be a victim, she enjoys bathing in her fake victim-hood throughout this talk, you can tell by the relaxed, happy look of she has as she basks in the audience sympathy. She gives as an example a perpetrator saying: _"Why don't you come over after school and I'll let you play that game, you know the one that your parents won't let you play. It'll be our little secret."_ But Jill Tolles isn't the member of a cult, an unusual sect or a commune. So this scenario she describes is very unrealistic. It's deliberately vague and the lack of detail tells you that this is make-believe victim-hood.

[@theknowall2232]

Real perpetrators of child abuse have access to their victims, the "come over after school" means that she, the victim, has to go to the evil man's home. I have a daughter and if she went to another adult's home it would be extremely unusual for me not to know about it, and there wouldn't be any secrets. A parent is closer to his/her daughter than those outside the family. So when this supposed perpetrator says _"come over"_ a child would ask permission from her parent first. The scenario that Tolles describes would virtually never happen. If it did, she would need to give some detail as to the extraordinary circumstances. A scenario which is strangely omitted. Jill Tolles seems to be a cross between a Meredith Maran personality (www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/09/meredith-maran-father-abuse-false-memory) and a woman with Munchausen syndrome.

[@dianemurray6550]

As a survivor of CSA, let me offer an alternative to the standard "wisdom" that you must forgive your abuser to find peace, even if that person never admits their crime or accepts responsibility for the damage they've done. IMO, the only one you must forgive in order to heal is the innocent party, YOURSELF.

[@as-zu8pw]

Thank you