Giving Voice to Sibling Sexual Abuse | Jane Epstein | TEDxBocaRaton

NOTE FROM TED: This talk contains a discussion of child sexual abuse. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
As a survivor of Sibling Sexual Abuse (SSA), Jane Epstein spent years thinking she was alone. However, recent studies show sibling sexual abuse is the most common form of child sexual abuse, an epidemic enabled by silence. In this talk, Jane explains why we need to help survivors share their stories in order to build a community of people who can inspire new research, solutions, awareness, prevention, and support. She shares her story to help other survivors gain the courage to speak out, with the comfort of knowing they are not alone. Jane Epstein is a Sibling Sexual Abuse (SSA) survivor. Now an advocate, she provides guidance and tools for prevention and victim recovery. Jane spent 40 years in a continual state of dissociation. She was in and out of therapy and, despite marrying and being blessed with two children, became depressed and suicidal. Sobriety and self-reflection led her to write her story. As she began writing, Jane discovered that hardly anyone on the entire Internet was speaking about sibling sexual abuse, thus her advocacy was born.
Jane is a founding board member of Incest Aware, moderator of a survivor Facebook group, and has a memoir in progress. She shares her story publicly to give other survivors the courage to speak up, share their stories, and know they are not alone. Jane hopes to contribute her experiences and insights to bring awareness to sibling sexual abuse. She seeks to educate and empower parents on preventing SSA, and, in the process, help remove the fear of the unknown. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@janeepstein4862]

I can't express how grateful I am that TEDxBocaRaton took a risk on me and my message. Many survivors are reaching out and are feeling less alone for the first time in decades. That is because of every view, like, and comment - it all helps push this message into the world where those who need to hear it can find it. You are not alone. There are resources and support groups. Together we can heal, raise awareness and make things better for future generations.

[@quarteracreadventures855]

Thank you for speaking out on this sensitive subject. I am also a survivor of SSA who is attempting to 'come out' after my abuser committed suicide. I have/had a binge eating disorder and my brother's death unexpectedly put my ED into instant, complete remission; I have lost 100+ pounds without effort since my brother's corpse was found. I wrote an essay describing a recent experience where I shared my SSA story with the wrong person. I'll share the essay below, but trigger warning; do not click on the post below if you are sensitive to SSA.

[@janeepstein4862]

@@quarteracreadventures855 I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story. Please find me at 5waves for support.

[@priyanjali4941]

@@quarteracreadventures855 I've also experienced SSA for years. I would love to hear your story.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@@priyanjali4941 , I am sorry you experienced SSA too. There are a lot of us out there, and together we are building communities of support. Please find me at 5waves.

[@janeepstein4862]

@@priyanjali4941 , I am sorry you experienced this too. I hope you know now you are not alone :(

[@AnOdeto-uv3cj]

My molestation started when I was 3.....My older brother of 8 years and one of his friends taught me to french kiss. My brother continued for 7 more years. Within that time a female babysitter got to me. I was kept quiet with fear. I stayed quiet until I was in my late 30's. My mom skipped over it. My sister is mad at me and thinks I'm lying. I've been in therapy for anger and had an eating thing since I was a child. My brother won't apologize. And I am not in the mind to forgive him. He continues his behavior. He is on marriage 3...all the women were extremely young. Currently...he's 60 and married to a 24 year old gal from Dubai. It goes beyond me....he continues on a fine line of pedifelia, keeping it this side of legal. I've thought about pressing charges. But who wants to relive their childhood nightmare? I taught my own children from a very early age about inappropriate touching.

[@janeepstein4862]

I am so sorry you experienced this, and thank you for sharing. I believe you! And I will never tell another survivor they need to forgive. I hope we can raise awareness and educate parents and our children so we can make things better for future generations. You are a warrior.

[@AnOdeto-uv3cj]

@@janeepstein4862 ❤️‍🩹

[@christineclark2479]

Absolutely believe you.

[@nosoynadaoriginal]

Thank you so much for sharing and I'm so sorry this happened to you. You are not alone, me too

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@@nosoynadaoriginal , I am sorry this happened to you, too. We are raising awareness and creating communities for survivors. You are not alone

[@LocomateMachine]

What's extra scary is how some people can live in denial or even forget that it even happened to them...

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Absolutely!

[@maryh2730]

I didn't realize how much I needed to hear this. What happened to me when I was a child I was told it was "normal behavior" because of my age and my siblings age. I lived with this for many years, not telling anyone. Finally talked to my therapist about it and I'm working towards healing. Thank you.

[@janeepstein4862]

I am so sorry this happened to you. We are trying to create awareness so no one is told: "it's normal behavior."

[@jackjack4412]

What happened as a child?

[@TassieJake]

@@jackjack4412 abuse duhhhhhh

[@sienaredders]

It took me years to find my voice, and now it's time for others to be heard.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I'm so sorry you experienced this. We are building communities for survivors, and more research and awareness is being made.

[@kathywinter]

I went through something similar. To all survivors out there, you're not alone.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am very sorry to hear you experienced this. We are raising awareness and creating communities of survivors.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you to everyone watching, liking and commenting on this video. It means so much to the parents and survivors who helped me craft this talk. I also can't thank the event organizers enough for choosing this topic and opening the TEDx stage to get this message out.

[@brandyblack4981]

We will keep the comments coming!

[@mariasocolof2422]

You’re welcome :)

[@hopesittler4352]

Thank you for helping to bring this silent epidemic out of the shadows.

[@carolebrooks6264]

Thank YOU on behalf of all the millions of silent SSA survivors!

[@ruperttheprince]

very courageous!

[@elaineclouston]

How far she's come from not even being able to talk about it with her husband to advocating on this level. Incredible.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@elaineclouston, thank you. More and more survivors are coming together and building communities, and more research is being done, and we are raising awareness. I could not do it alone.

[@tinypixiekitten7806]

I had a friend whose two older brothers repeatedly r*ped and ab**ed her. She was seriously disturbed throughout her life, with eating disorders, major alcoholism, extreme self harm and deep depression. Even after her brothers were out of her life (and to my knowledge, they were never reprimanded), she had many more similar experiences. She was in and out of care and often tried to kill herself, finally succeeding. I share her story here because it deserves to be heard, and she deserves to be honoured. Her name was Carly.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for sharing Carly's story. She was not alone, and it was not her shame to carry. I am so sorry for your loss.

[@tinypixiekitten7806]

@@Jane_epstein_author - thank you

[@anthrograd13]

Even if it only happened once, it still affects you throughout your entire life. Because it breaks those bonds of trust that can never be replaced.

[@janeepstein4862]

Absolutely! The damage and devastation left behind are real. I am sorry you experienced this. You are not alone, and I believe by raising awareness we can lessen the numbers.

[@mariasocolof2422]

Yup! That’s the case for me.

[@thereallyfatcat]

SA is such an awful type of trauma but to have suffered it at the hands of a loved one is just.... I don't even know how painful that would be

[@Jane_epstein_author]

It's a confusing place to be. Many don't understand it is abuse at the time it is happening.

[@patiencethepashe7358]

It’s the worst. I have lived through that since day one of life

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@@patiencethepashe7358 , I'm sorry! And it doesn't just go away. I hope you have support.

[@thereallyfatcat]

@@patiencethepashe7358 wow, i hear you

[@jujurocker]

Jane's point about children not being taught about the potential danger from those they know is an eye-opener. We need to educate kids about boundaries and consent, not just with strangers but also with familiar faces to prevent such incidents

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Yes, I believe education is our number way to prevent this trauma. I can tear whole families apart :(

[@mindfulmeditationsforall]

The lack of research on SSA is alarming. We need more studies to understand and prevent it.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We are getting there! More research is being done, but we still have a ways to go. Thank you for your support.

[@cindysongmayeda4028]

My elder brother and two cousins abused me. I lived in silence for decades. I was alone.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

You are not alone, and there is more support now. I am so sorry.

[@nothx3299]

I think the saddest part about this stuff is the way a victim will blame themselves and how all those feelings of shame and guilt impact their self development.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Yes, many victims do not realize the full impact until they are adults. And if not many are talking about this, they feel alone. But we hope to change that by raising awareness and building communities for survivors and families impacted by this trauma.

[@daryyldavys]

The only part of this that's surprising to me is how people are so unaware that this happens. Must be nice to live in a world where you can't fathom this sort of thing happening.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Unfortunately, it's still a taboo subject. We hope to normalize the discussion so we can teach all of our children.

[@dustyevans2130]

What's wild is how there's just no way of knowing, like ever. Unless a person explicitly tells you this is what's happening.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

It is a confusing and layered trauma. But if we talk about it, raise awareness, maybe we can lessen the numbers.

[@m8s777]

It's an uncomfortable subject, but it's time to break the silence. Survivors deserve a voice.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We hope to normalize the discussion and raise more awarenss so survivors can be heard and supported.

[@raulascaso]

It's heartbreaking to think that sibling abuse is such a prevalent issue, yet it remains a taboo subject. We really need to break the silence and create awareness to protect our children

[@Jane_epstein_author]

By you watching this video and taking the time to comment, that is how we raise awareness. Thank you!

[@jus-t-s]

there's a whole movement happening on tiktok now, more people being real and honest about... can't help but wonder how many generations of families are carrying shame because of something like this. jane is pretty freaking brave to lift the lid like this.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Guess I better head back to tik tok. I do think we are making progress, more awareness, more research, more survivors coming forward.

[@rferguson458]

As a survivor, I applaud your courage for publically sharing your story. I am very grateful for your dedication to educating others. The generational harm that is created by SSA only exacerbates the guilt and shame that the original victim experiences. My children and my husband have suffered from having a chronically depressed and anxious mother/ wife. No matter how loving and well meaning I am, they have only ever gotten a diminished version of me. This makes me more angry than anything I've suffered. And, there really is no justice for us because families don't handle the situation correctly, usually keeping it secret till it festers and breaks them apart. More research and education could stop this.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Holly, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you experienced this. I feel like my family and children have lost some version of me as well. We are bringing about more awareness so there can be more research and education .

[@megoncle]

Oh, wow. This is relatable, on a level I didn't know existed. ❤

[@bradcouper]

Some people actually think that this is part of the learning process of being young - but it's not. It's lack of education, lack of hard conversations and really awful cycles continuing. . Thank you Jane, I'll be sharing this.

[@janeepstein4862]

Brad, it's so complex, layered, and complicated. But if we just talk about it, and normalize the conversation around it, we could lessen the numbers. Thank you for sharing.

[@therealmyyt]

Kids need to be introduced to education of the body and human rights at a much younger age to help break this cycle.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Yes, I agree. By the time they receive education in fifth grade, it's too late.

[@gertvermisen2000]

I lived in denial for years. It's time to confront my past and heal.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am so sorry to hear this. Know you are not alone and we are raising awareness and creating communities for survivors to heal.

[@faisalshaob]

I've been reading through the comments and it seems like there are a lot of people who need to share their stories, thank you Jane for providing people a space for that to happen

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Yes, we are finding places for survivors to safely share their stories. 💜

[@janeepstein4862]

Hopefully one day we will have a Siblings Too movement....

[@carolnahigian9518]

Oh YES way Overdue.

[@braidenmiller1512]

It's sad that this subject has been so swept under the rug for so long, but its amazing that it is being brought to light now. So proud of this woman and the women who have worked so hard to make this happen!

[@joannefedeyko7652]

Agree, Braiden. And this is how we make change happen! Thanks for being part of the change!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Braden, thak you for your support. You know it means the world to us.

[@mariasocolof2422]

Yes it is sad and amazing how hidden this is. It is time to lift that rug!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@@joannefedeyko7652 , you too! Both of you have been so supportive

[@brandyblack4981]

Sooner or later you start wondering why it's so hard to walk across the room, with all that under the rug!

[@thelamrirachid]

it's terrifying how common and underreported this is

[@janeepstein4862]

It is. We need more research and awareness. Thank you for your support.

[@IllustriousDoom]

Finally, someone shedding light on SSA. We need more advocates like her to break the silence!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We are making progress! Since this talk was produced, more articles and more research is being done!

[@kathyomalley3349]

I am grateful to hear this. I am a SSA victim, and for many years lived with tremendous shame, anger and depression. I have dealt with this in therapy (EMDR)and am looking for more support, as I know this still has a hold on me.

[@jcimsn8464]

You have my support ❤️

[@kathyomalley3349]

@@jcimsn8464 thank you

[@jillneeld477]

Kathy and C - SSAMetoo - happened to me from age 10 to 14 😪 I too thought I was alone and was afraid to tell anyone. My parents and brother told people I was overly dramatic and a lier. Resulted in alcoholism and years of deep low self esteem. Never any apologies until I lost it one day and yelled at him over the phone. My parents had blinders on, like they pretended they heard nothing

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am so sorry to hear. There is support. Please find us at 5waves.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@@jillneeld477 , you are not alone, and there is now more support. 5wavesorg

[@lucyiberard1219]

The lack of research and awareness is mind-boggling. We need answers to tackle this issue effectively.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Yes! More and more research is being done! But we still have a ways to go. This is a marathon....Thank you for your support.

[@robertjoinersr]

I think the most crucial thing is to make the person who has experienced it understand that it is not their fault. I think the shame and guilt they would feel is the thing that makes it so hard to form healthy relationships. I know there's so much more to this but I think that is a really important part of it. No victim should ever feel like it's their fault.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for your empathetic comment. Yes, many victims carry shame and guilt that is not theirs to carry.....for decades.

[@beckyfrensill]

It is so important for victims like this to get emotional help. I think more support groups would be super helpful so that they can see just how common it actually is.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Becky, I believe in support groups, finding others who understand.

[@newmesmi6004]

I am so tired of trying to forget of my past wher I was victim of ssa...I still feel alone... thanks to your video...it's a ray of hope...as my family has abandoned me... saying that I should keep quiet and don't ruin reputation. And I m the one with behaviour and anger issues...but it hurts every single night...its keeping me awake at night it been over 20 years ..I have a child of my own...I am tired of pretending everything is normal...don't know how to get a grip on things ..l

[@janeepstein4862]

You are not alone and you deserve to be supported.

[@derekgraves8758]

I'm very grateful there's someone being so vocal about this issue, it's something that needs to be addressed.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

So much more awareness has been raised since this talk was released. We still have a ways to go, but we are getting closer and closer.

[@AM-cp3du]

Thank you for giving a name and voice to something that has bothered me my entire life. Thank you for validating that "playing doctor" is not *always* an innocuous game. Thank you for explaining "kids will be kids" is not an excuse for what happened to me. Thank you for explaining how the perpetrator may not ever realize they were even crossing a line. Thank you for for validating what my mother and sibling still deny to this day.

[@janeepstein4862]

I am sorry this happened to you. We are trying to bring about awareness, prevention, education and research. You are not alone. :(

[@AM-cp3du]

Thank you for your reply, it means so much to me and so many other people that you're willing to speak on such a "taboo" subject that is negatively affecting *so* many children and adults who had no idea and then nowhere else to turn, like you said when you first did research on the topic. You keep us strong 💪 keep up the amazing work! The world genuinely needs someone like you.

[@janeepstein4862]

@@AM-cp3du , please look for 5waves. We are not done. We are creating awareness and change. I can't post too much here or they delete the comment.

[@mariasocolof2422]

You are not alone. ❤ And yes Jane is amazing and I’m privileged to work with her at 5WAVES as another survivor. We are not alone. ❤

[@AM-cp3du]

@@janeepstein4862 I will absolutely check that out, thank you for continuing to spread awareness and as I get help I will do my best to keep advocating for others as well. Y'all are such wonderful souls, I'm so grateful for your work and advocacy 💫

[@nancyclement2025]

No family is immune. Jane's courage and message is for every person and every family who has or is suffering because SSA has occurred in their midst. My daughter, Jane, is bringing this issue into the light to offer freedom from the damaging effects of guilt and shame or no place to turn. She and others have joined together to offer the support that she could not find when she needed it. I am so proud of my daughter and the others who are dedicated to bring awareness and support for those caught in SSA.

[@braidenmiller1512]

I can't imagine how proud you are! There are few causes more noble than giving a voice to the otherwise voiceless! ❤️

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I can't imagine the journey you have traveled, but thank you for your support. I love you!

[@steveepstein1797]

Beautifully said Nancy.

[@mariasocolof2422]

This is beautiful! Thank you for supporting her and all of us standing with her! ❤️

[@marywest6844]

Not just siblings unfortunately. I have heard a woman say her mum was sa by an uncle. A man by a cousin as children. Such eternal internalized suffering for years.

[@hermesn]

What a journey this woman has been on, from not even having her husband know about it to advocating like this... it's a pretty impressive transformation.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for your support. My husband has been amazing, helping me advocate.

[@astridableman]

I had no idea this could happen within families. We need better education for parents to prevent and address this

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for your support. We are slowly making more progress in raising awareness.

[@rahataleem6544]

it takes a special kind of bravery to be this open about those kinds of experiences

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for your support and kindness.

[@theappleofgodzeye8252]

Thank you…. I’m currently dealing with this situation with a baby I’m raising as she just told me a few days ago that her older brother has been touching her😢 and her birth mom is blaming me and saying I’m lying on her son because I took her to the hospital and they called the authorities and cps I don’t care how mad she is or get … her life will not be destroyed on my watch 🥲

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Please find resources at 5wavesorg. You are not alone.

[@NovemberMe5213]

Thank you for believing her.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@@NovemberMe5213 Always......There are a lot of us out there who feel alone and unheard.

[@molly1339]

I always thought I was alone. I have never told a soul. Thank you for sharing!

[@janeepstein4862]

You are not alone. I am so sorry....

[@mariasocolof2422]

Yes, you are not alone. ❤️‍🩹

[@MediaCrunch]

I can't imagine how hard it would be to seek support for something like this, the whole process of admitting it happened to you and then actively seeking to heal that trauma... very difficult stuff

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We are finally raising more awareness and building more supportive communities. Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. This is how we are continuing to reach survivors and their families.

[@davinachilds]

I've had a lot of people open up to me about their childhood abuse and it was ALWAYS at the hands of a family member. What continued to surprise me was how often those family members were of a similar age.

[@jackjack4412]

How and why does this happen?

[@tashajoykin5192]

@@jackjack4412Why is nobody answering?

[@jackjack4412]

@@tashajoykin5192 sensitive subject.

[@ankovastro]

jane, having a fellow SSA survivor so smart, brave and amazing like you representing us gives me the incredible feeling that, someday in the near future, parents won't run away from this complex subject like many of ours did, and that people like us will finally have the courage to speak up sooner. thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Because of comments like this, we will get the word out. We will.

[@brandyblack4981]

Wishing you and all survivors hope and healing. 💜

[@carolebrooks6264]

I’m sorry to hear you suffered SSA too. It is a plague. My stepMum even walked into the room, saw it yet ignored it. so many turn their backs on it as they are too weak to face it or their own personal self interest overrides their sense of right and wrong. Utterly despicable.

[@hobocode]

it wasn't a lack of courage that kept you silent. it was society and how we treat survivors like dirt. kids know all the bad things that can spiral out of control if you try to tell. implying that you lacked courage is a bummer. you were just up against A LOT. silence is a reasonable and sane response in our current climate. not a cowardly one. I think it's more like... "people like us will finally have the freedom or ability to speak up" more than courage. If that makes sense. It's just a very subtlety different vibe. of blaming yourself (silence due to a lack of internal courage) to putting the responsibility on the people around children to be responsible, educated, and observant (silence due to a lack of social autonomy, power, and safety).

[@Jane_epstein_author]

@@hobocode 💜

[@buckpauley]

That is one hardcore therapist stepping in and calling it what it is about her reactions not matching the circumstances. It is rare to find a therapist who will step over the line like that, and it is so great that they did.

[@lostnlonely669]

It's true when you operate out of shame you can't really move forward. It hinders you in so many ways. Time to help people speak up and shake their shame off.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

If we are not truly known, how can we feel worthy? I hope survivors can come forward and share their stories in safe communities one day. Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment.

[@theoriginaltedtok]

I can't imagine how much this would just eat away at a person, especially if you were never able to get away from them later in life.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Great insight. Yes, this definitely can eat away at a person, especially since so many who have been harmed, abused or traumatized never come forward.

[@julianm8639]

It happens to so many families - the only way through is being transparent, that will break the cycle.

[@tarasuppleton]

exactly

[@janeepstein4862]

Thank you Julian. Yes, we have to talk about it.

[@leilaniresterdin]

Wow, she is so strong! By sharing her experience, she's showing others that they're not alone and that healing is possible. Let's stand together, break the silence, and create a society that supports survivors on their journey.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for your support, and thank you for standing with survivors.

[@kaydenjasmins]

We need to amplify the voices of survivors and create a society that supports healing and change. Let's spread the word, educate ourselves, and work towards ending the stigma around sibling abuse.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for your support! This is how we can reach survivors, raise awareness and demand more research and support.

[@rachstulen]

Wow this is such a complex story and there's so much within it. Issues like this are one of the reason we need to start making safe spaces and communities where people can seek support without feeling shame or the paranoia of what people think of them/what's happening in their families

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thankfully, we have made a lot of progress within the last two years since I gave this talk. More and more research is being done, and more awareness is being made. Survivors are finding communities to share their stories.

[@NOKS--yk4zx]

This talk makes me think this happens a lot more than what anyone knows.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Unfortunately, I believe you are right. We need more stories, studies, and awareness to know just how prevalent it is.

[@lloydbetances]

I think one of the hardest things about this, aside from the actual occurence, is that there are so many people who don't even realize this is an issue, that it even happens. Feeling like you're the only person who has experienced something makes it so much harder to deal with or even want to talk about. That's why what Jane is doing here is so important.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thankfully, within the last three years, more research is being done, more awareness is being raised, and I don't hear from survivors saying, "I have never seen anyone else talk about this," as often. More and more survivors are finding their voice and community.

[@therealbobhunter]

I think it's incredible how people like this, who have been through so much, can overcome it and use it as fuel to help other people.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. We are reaching more and more survivors and families because of your support.

[@snowwhite2709]

Happened to me too. Never told my parents or anyone else until years later.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am so sorry to hear this happened to you, too. We are building communities of survivors and raising more awareness.

[@charlotte-may9193]

I think this is one of the most unfortunate symptoms of a much larger problem we have in our society.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Yes, it is only one symptom of several problems we have as a society.

[@jadepaulsen8456]

My brother did the same. My mother said what do you want me to do. He's my son. My other siblings called it dr. It wasn't. Still no one will. Discuss it and tell e how smart he is. He is a homeless drug addict.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am very sorry this happened to you. Please know you are not alone and we are raising awareness.

[@CaspianJK]

I'm guilty of not knowing that this was something that happened and it just makes you realize how crucial it is to educate yourself - especially if you're going to be a parent.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Many parents do not consider this a possibility, and it comes out of nowhere. We hope to raise awareness so parents can educate themselves and their children. Together we can!

[@shureedouglas8682]

The domino impact of being abused by a sibling would be so traumatic. Betrayal to the nth degree.

[@mariasocolof2422]

That’s absolutely right

[@justinjjtaylor]

As a parent I was unaware that sibling abuse was an issue. I thought only strangers were a danger.

[@janeepstein4862]

Oh, Justin, I'm so glad you came across this video. We can decrease the numbers just by talking about it and becoming aware.

[@thirdwheel9938]

Family members are most likely to abuse sadly :( Also trusted people such as family friends and community leaders

[@SharedToAll]

Jane's talk echoes the power of survivor stories. Her call for a movement and support group amplifies the idea that shared experiences can create a ripple effect of awareness, advocacy, and change in addressing sibling abuse.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We are slowly building a community of survivors and parents. More and more research is being done since this talk came out. Thank you for your support.

[@averyrothschild]

The secrets we feel we need to keep. This is courage at its best.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Avery, what a powerful comment.

[@rooseveltmartens9918]

We need to be having this dialogue, loudly. this should not be swept under the rug.

[@janeepstein4862]

We are getting loud! 5waves.....And I won't stop! Thank you for your support.

[@mariasocolof2422]

YES!!!

[@russhearn]

It's unfortunate that embarrassment and shame can prevent some families from seeking help for this kind of thing. I think we need to emphasize that seeking support is not a sign of failure but a vital step towards healing for everyone involved.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Absolutely....if we normalize the discussion, raise awareness, families will not feel alone and they will be able to seek support. More and more research is being done in this area, even more since I gave this talk. We are making progress!

[@grantcayden]

A topic that is very often much too confronting for families of victims and perpetrators to take on board. I will be sharing. Thank you Jane.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Grant, thank you! It takes a village. So many are suffering alone without resources.

[@brandyblack4981]

Thank you for sharing. It is a struggle for the whole family and more awareness and openness will go a long way to help the whole family handle it better.

[@kathyhondros411]

Bravo!

[@chelseaavaonil1380]

Jane's talk compels us to question why such a prevalent issue remains overlooked... Her challenge to media, educators, counselors, and communities to stand up, support survivors, and demand change demonstrates how collective action can drive transformative impact.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We are finally making some headway! More research is being conducted. Media is next!

[@lindaburke8087]

Jane -- how powerful! I am very sorry that happened to you...

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you. Unfortunately, I am not alone...

[@brandyblack4981]

Thanks for watching and supporting!

[@hopesittler4352]

Thank you for helping to bring this silent epidemic out of the shadows.

[@emilyscarpato9609]

i told my parents years after it happened and they didn’t know what to say and we just never talked about it again

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Emily, I am very sorry this happened to you. We hear from so many survivors that there parents did not know what to do. But we are hoping to raise more awareness, studies and education that will lead to prevention and resources for families.

[@mariasocolof2422]

The UK is doing some great research on SSA now. Hopefully this talk will help get the ball rolling in many other countries.

[@hopesittler4352]

Maria, so perfectly said.

[@carolebrooks6264]

Unfortunately that research project has just ended. We managed to accomplish a lot in a short time. Hopefully it’s a legacy that will continue to build momentum. With the research and people like Jane and many others we will encourage many many more to speak out and stand up for their freedom and health.

[@acciaisardino3470]

The worst part about having to experience this and then not being able to talk about is the way that would shape your entire development. The home is where we first shape our identity and if that's the kind of experience you've had in the foundation building stage of your life... I mean I don't even know how you would overcome that kind of trauma and go on to have a "normal" life

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Very insightful. This is just one of the many reasons we need to raise awareness for survivors, parents, and those who cause harm or abuse.

[@alaskabaked]

Going through these comments... it's very easy to see how the people who have gone through this desperately need a space to talk about it. I hope you feel very proud Jane, for helping to provide that.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am so grateful for TEDxBocaRaton taking a risk on this topic, opening the door. I am also grateful to the survivors and the parents who discovered this in their homes for helping me craft this talk, build awareness, and create communities. It takes a village.

[@izayahmayson]

As someone who has experienced this I understand the immense difficulty in opening up about it. It's a painful journey, but by sharing our stories, we shed light on the issue and give hope to others as well as permission for them to open up about as well and that makes it so very worth it ❤

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am so sorry you experienced this too. And I believe in the power of sharing our stories, it connects us and helps us know we are not alone.

[@RebeccaRipley]

Thank you for being a voice in this for us all. I am a parent to a child who has been violated by a step sibling. Thinking I could handle this all has been very challenging to say the least. We are privileged to have an amazing organization behind us helping with trauma therapy. And that still is not enough. The family has been torn apart. The pain that leads to a denial of many within the families are the hardest for my child and I to navigate at this moment. Thank you one thousand times thank you.

[@janeepstein4862]

Oh, my heart breaks for you. Step-sibling situations can tear a family apart. Please find me on social so we can connect. I can't put links to comments here because they take them down, but you are not alone. I promise. I work closely with parents in a similar situation.

[@renarebwar6797]

I am so glad that this topic is getting more attention now!!!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We are trying to bring about awareness and build communities.

[@brandyblack4981]

It has to start somewhere--thank you for your help!

[@hopesittler4352]

We need to bring this silent epidemic out of the shadows.

[@timokeefe8418]

Thanks that's really helped me I've been fighting this all my life .Trying to get my brother and sister to except the responsibility for what they've done. This never goes away I've had counselling over the year's but I still can't seem empty my brain.

[@janeepstein4862]

I am so sorry you experienced this. Know that you are not alone, and what you experienced is real

[@janeepstein4862]

I can't put links in comments...they get taken down, but please find me on social . I mean that.

[@mariasocolof2422]

I’m so sorry. I’ve also experienced this and while I’ve processed a lot in the last 15 years since I remembered, my brain also isn’t empty of this.💜😢

[@GenreEnglish-en8bl]

I am a survivor of SSA. I survived for 9 yrs from the ages 9-17

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I am very sorry you experienced this too. We are building communities of survivors, sharing stories and raising awareness.

[@justinerather]

This is incredible brave to do on such a big stage..

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for your support. So many new studies are being done since this talk came out, and we are reaching survivors and creating communities for healing.

[@lizb5458]

Raising awareness for SSA is uncomfortable but necessary.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Absolutely. It is uncomfortable, but we hope to normalize the discussion surrounding it so we can create more resources.

[@NovemberMe5213]

Stranger danger has a lot to answer for. When you are taught this at home, all the while being abused in the home. The child doesnt know who they can trust or where to run, it's so confusing and terrafying to the child and that's an understatement.

[@janeepstein4862]

It is terrifying. There is no safety in the home; who can they trust? Who can they tell? No safety. We need to normalize talking about it so all of our children are aware, those who are harmed, and those who cause harm. If parents understand that it does happen, we can educate parents and our children. I don't think it should be that hard.

[@mariasocolof2422]

This!

[@julianfritzer]

It's hard to understand the kind of pain this would cause. For me this really re-iterates how you never know what someones experiences are and how that affects the way they're showing up in the world.

[@miroslavhancinsky6111]

What worries me is how so many people think it's okay to say things like "oh that's unbelievable, that's so crazy, etc." when responding to someone talking about this - because maybe someone else involved in that conversation is keeping something like that to themselves and hearing those kinds of responses from people just deter them from ever coming forward

[@Jane_epstein_author]

You're so right. So many keep this hidden and to themselves, but they are not alone.

[@talicarson]

Oh wow right from the start I could relate... that bit about the severity of your feelings not quite matching up with whatever has happened.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

I'm so sorry....

[@Me-lolahernandez]

How many situations like this are never reported, and how many victims never realised that this is something that should not happen. My heart breaks for you.

[@janeepstein4862]

Lola, thank you for your kind words. It is very underreported and not talked about. We hope to normalize conversations about it and inspire more research and solutions.

[@BrainLoon]

Jane's personal journey from shame to forgiveness showcases the complexities of recovery. Her story teaches us that understanding, empathy, and seeking professional help can lead survivors toward healing and breaking the cycle of abuse.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you....I believe in the power of sharing our stories. We are all connected. Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. We are still reaching other survivors through this talk and building communities.

[@devodevoo3627]

Wow going through these comments is somewhat scary. There are a lot of awful stories out there and I'm sorry for all of you having gone through something like this

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. Yes, there are a lot of people hurting who feel alone. We hope to raise awareness.

[@wendyrocha8331]

OMG I feel so bad for her....

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Hi Wendy, I appreciate your support. But no need to feel bad for me. I have my voice. I feel bad for all the survivors who have not found their voice, have no voice, or the future generations if we don't start talking about it.

[@peachvelvetsky]

i cried sooo much this was a great talk. it means so much. my past experience of ssa came out in a similar way. i knew that what had happened deeply wounded me but didn’t kno it was abuse so i never spoken about it before that.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you experienced this. You are not alone, and we are bringing about awareness

[@tinawhiteeagle545]

So happy this is coming to the surface!! Talk! Scream!! It is real. Thank you my dear!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Tina, thank you! Yes, let's get loud! And it is so real.

[@brandyblack4981]

So many real people affected, thanks for sharing.

[@hopesittler4352]

Thank you for helping to bring this silent epidemic out of the shadows.

[@tinawhiteeagle545]

Such an important topic to bring out - yes. Just wonder how many more topics are not out there. Thank you Jane for having the strength and conviction to spread your message!

[@donnacala5653]

So important

[@hopesittler4352]

We need to bring this silent epidemic out of the shadows.

[@incestaware9019]

Thank you, Jane, for your courage and tenacity speaking up for survivors who can't speak yet or who are looking for their voice!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for taking the time to support this video. You know how important it is. Together we can create change and awareness.

[@makiweshter]

I second this, so important to be vocal about subjects that are so taboo

[@janeepstein4862]

@@makiweshter we won't stop until the conversation has been normalized.

[@serenasheetz3178]

Jane - your speech brought tears to my eyes. Your message was impactful, inspiring, and beautifully delivered. Thank you for sharing with the world.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you, Serena. I appreciate your support.

[@brandyblack4981]

Thanks Serena!

[@tylerkmorris]

Reading through some of these comments and feeling so much sadness and strength... clearly this is a much needed space for survivors to feel heard and safe.

[@janeepstein4862]

Tyler, by your taking the time to watch and comment, helps push this message further into the world where we can reach more survivors and make sure they have resources. Thank you.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Awareness is so needed. We need parents to demand that the media cover this silent epidemic. Too many are hurting and suffering - alone. Thank you for your support.

[@ramonabest]

Everybody should have a safe space to talk about their abuse.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Yes, we hope to raise awareness and built communities for survivors.

[@mayaquinton]

This is so very rarely talked about, and for some reason feels even more taboo than expected- I feel that reaction in me speaks a lot about why this needs to be spoken about much more. You are inspiring, Jane. Thank you for your vulnerability and openness.

[@janeepstein4862]

Maya, thank you....for your beautiful words of wisdom and caring.

[@nicholaskolokotrone]

This is exactly the kind of safe and non-judgemental space that people need to come forward and speak about their experiences. Thank you Jane for providing this.

[@Jane_epstein_author]

We are building a community of survivors to have a safe space to heal and raise awareness.

[@kexinan]

My heart goes out to the children who have been raised in awful situations, that for generations, this sort of thing was the normal. It's so heartbreaking. Thank you for giving voice to those who don't even know where to start.

[@micheladelillo2450]

Thank you for giving a voice to the voiceless!!! Such a powerful message

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Thank you for watching and commenting. That is support too!

[@brandyblack4981]

It sure is!

[@debbieheffernan3764]

Jane, you are amazing. Thank you for sharing this very important story and your pledge to put this out so we can stop the silence on this important topic and encourage others to get support and create awareness around SSA. So appreciate your vulnerability and authenticity!

[@Jane_epstein_author]

Debbie, thank you for being there for me along the way!

[@steveepstein1797]

Thanks Debbie for all of your support, it means the world!

[@brandyblack4981]

Thank you for being there for Jane and all of us in the SSA community.

[@hopesittler4352]

Thank you for helping to bring this silent epidemic out of the shadows.

[@rickyohe]

agree

[@jeansammy]

Oh there's nothing more uncomfortable than the discovery of this.