The Real Risk of Forgiveness-And Why It’s Worth It | Sarah Montana | TEDxLincolnSquare

Forgiveness is tricky. Everyone says you should forgive, but no one will tell you how, exactly, to do it. And is it always possible-even for something as traumatic as gun violence? In this vulnerable and heartfelt talk, writer Sarah Montana takes us through her journey of forgiving her family’s killer. She offers an inside look at what we risk when we choose to forgive, and a hopeful glimpse of the freedom that lies on the other side of grief. Sarah Montana is a NYC based writer, editor, and branded content producer. She has ghost written book proposals for celebrity experts, some of which have been sold to publishers for six figures. She creates and shapes content for authors and business owners, including ebooks, reality TV pitches, articles, memoirs, and marketing copy. She is also a playwright and creates her own original content. Her most recent play, The Girl, The Ghosts, and the Minotaur was selected for a staged reading at Life Jacket Theater Company’s 2017 Proof of Concept Reading Series in New York City. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@megalosauru]

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

[@hk-1290]

That's beautiful..

[@SummerSunny2024]

Can you send me that quote?

[@bobadiag]

Thank you 😊.!!

[@barrypeterson6725]

Love this statement!

[@megalosauru]

@@barrypeterson6725 Thank you :)

[@lyssphan7700]

“Forgiveness is a designed to set you free. When you say I forgive you, what you’re really saying is, I know what you did it’s not okay but I recognize that you are more than that. I don’t want to hold us captive to this thing anymore. I can heal myself and I don’t need anything from you.” Damn

[@angelabender8132]

Lyss Phan "I don't need anything from you" That is the secret!

[@anushkapandey9157]

omg

[@phailie1784]

she looks straight to the camera when she's saying it...

[@macancela]

Beautiful

[@echamber]

What if they aren’t more than that? What if they are just not a good person?

[@aubreyalvarez7396]

“Choosing myself was more important than being right”. That hit me.

[@theresamcgallicher]

It's always more important to be happy than to be right. 💖

[@DineshBhatia]

Yes the best statement in this speech ❤️

[@lalaland9646]

Time stamp?

[@arlonfoster9997]

@@theresamcgallicher exactly I don’t care if I am right or wrong I just want to be happy

[@moniopolis]

This idea of "too soon to forgive" takes all the pressure off that I never knew I had

[@thorinhannahs4614]

No kidding. Now it is about finding balance in everyday life while understanding forgiveness can be pretty far off.

[@punbishal5874]

Indeed! It takes years to heal and forgive. One can’t just say I forgive. The healing process is difficult. Have to reflect on the facts, what happened? what was done? How was it done ? Is there my fault ? Why did I trust this person? Self blame, self hate and anger and all of that. Then blame the other party who did the damage. But in the end, peace comes from forgiving the other side and forgiving yourself for trusting that person. In the end, forgiving and moving on is the key to peace.

[@Jamieforeals]

Same

[@MS-bs8dd]

@@punbishal5874 well spoken. good questions too. so …. if I still feel dead inside, pretty much hidden behind a thin veneer, it means more processing. uggh

[@jonathanbowens2401]

One of the most perfect Ted talks I've ever seen. I love how you poured your heart into it while combining humor and intelligence. And still being deep and keeping us focused on your story. I'm sharing. Bravo madam.

[@JustUsLeagueAZ]

Yes ❤. Thank you for saying what I was thinking ❤❤❤

[@AmaritoMan]

You dame right my friend u nailed it bravo :)

[@kuhusrivastava4443]

Absolutely right!!

[@cmbranders3986]

00000000000000000

[@NestorMaravi]

I couldn’t agree more.

[@LamNguyen-xh3rb]

"Forgiveness is only right when waiting for what we're owed comes at too high a cost"

[@y9w1]

Very true, thank you for that quote 🙏🌼

[@rabiaalaroui]

Felt that

[@TheBillaro]

it's only right then? how so? it's right to do immediately if you can.

[@eco-friendlyvegangeek]

@@TheBillaro yeah, holding onto resentment only eats away at us, no matter what the act was, and who committed it.

[@cindyfarrimond8093]

Wow! This talk is amazing. It took me 60 years to forgive my father. That's a long time to have a hook in you.

[@kkurova9345]

My boyfriend was murdered by his dad, and he hasn't had his trial yet. I'm not ready to forgive, but this video gave me hope that some day I might be.

[@VivianixonArts]

My heart goes out to you, may your boyfriend rest in peace

[@claireh4414]

@@rubenthompson5900 My path to forgiveness and repentance is none of your business. You need to take a long hard look at yourself before you judge anyone or try to speak for God. Your approach is aggressive and devoid of the compassion Christ taught. Consider this a warning.

[@claireh4414]

@@rubenthompson5900 Yes, I'm aware of that. And my grieving process is God's business, not yours. I've made a to of progress towards forgiveness but it's not something that happens over night. You can't just say it and magically it happens. I want to have true forgiveness and with the help of my faith I am being guided there. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Have a heart. And face your own sin before bossing strangers around.

[@theresamcgallicher]

Oprah Winfrey says forgiveness is "giving up the hope that the past could have been different". I hope you feel better because you deserve to be happy no matter what has happened.

[@janinaschick-holistichealt9977]

@@theresamcgallicher Thats the definition I use, too🌻

[@Achiaa.]

"When we choose vengeance, we're actually signing a blood oath to chain our story to our enemy" .......that's deep.

[@decoy2636]

Correct, we must reach a place where we have peace inside ourselves. Then we can move on

[@Achiaa.]

@@decoy2636 that's very true

[@decoy2636]

@@Achiaa. that peace we seek is inside us already, and like you said seeking vengeance or holding a grudge is like a boat with the anchor out trying to move on

[@Achiaa.]

@@decoy2636 I find so much comfort in what you just said, I've been hurt so bad by some people in my life that I see like everyday, and my heart hurts everytime I see or think of them. I say and I believe that I have forgiven, yet I keep having this painful experience everytime and I just dont know what to do. It seems like I haven't gotten over the hurt, even though I want to really bad and it's just haunting

[@decoy2636]

@@Achiaa. I'm too hurt inside starting with childhood and then a 4 decade long relationship with a covert narcissist. I don't make a good victim and revenge I can not have and keep my soul too. If you are religous prayer has saved me from a life of hate carrying grudges around It would be like carrying 10 bags on a plane for a 3 day vacation. The bad thing is we waking up thinking those thoughts every day. 3 days of that mindset I have survived. The rest of this life I refuse to be miserable because someone else did a wrong. I refuse to punish my self for what I haven't done. You simply can't repent for a sin you didn't commit yourself. I chose her I must accept half of any blame. I did not choose my childhood and refuse to forget I refuse to hate.

[@stillnessspeaks1180]

This is the best talk on forgiveness I have ever heard. I was struggling to forgive some people in my life terribly. Thank you so much for the talk.

[@cnbank]

Couldn't agree more. If she can do it, literally anyone can.

[@TheBillaro]

me too

[@kshiprahada2241]

Truly. I didn't know I needed this.

[@noreenvance5554]

I've tried to encapsulate this amazing talk for those of us who need the visual. The world gives us three reasons we need to forgive: 1. Forgiveness will make me a good person. 2. There is a lot of pressure to forgive, so they can feel more comfortable and move on. 3. You think forgiveness is a short-cut to healing. None of these are true so why forgive? It brings us freedom from the chains that bind us to the trauma and the other person. Vengeance is another form of prison; it entwines us with the other person. In order to forgive we have to get very specific because we can not forgive something that did not happen to us. Looking at our wounds is scary but "do it" as this lets us scar over and heal once we look at the injustice. We need to get clear about what exactly was unjust so that when we choose to forgive we know exactly what contract we are tearing up. "Forgiveness is only right when waiting for what we are owed comes at too high a cost." Life is simpler when we have a villain to fight. Real forgiveness let's go of all expectations, let's go of a villain, you can't expect a certain outcome. It is too soon to forgive if you are still in the throws of grief, pain and trauma. Forgiveness is worth it!

[@Nasterco]

Thanks for summarizing it! It's perfect.

[@IawakenedOne]

Sarah, I cannot thank you enough. The contrast of my pain against yours and the undeniable expression of thorough comprehension through the embodiment of truth has brought a clarity I have yet to truly know. You didn't just save yourself; you saved a piece of humanity with this video. From the center of my existence, Thank You.

[@ShaunHolden]

Powerful words my friend! I hope you have managed to forgive yourself.

[@wise-up-parenting]

Extremely moving, and poetically delivered, filled with inspiring metaphor, wisdom, and a refreshing new way to understand the grieving process. Thank you!

[@iamchangingtoo]

I love how transparent she was in her truth and her feelings. She didn't ignore what she was feeling and went on a journey to fix what she needed to be addressed. In the process, she learned so much and given much to think about.

[@nickandchrismom]

I agree

[@BrunoBatiston]

I couldn't agree more!

[@goodgrief888]

“You think that forgiveness is a shortcut to healing.” Yep. And I’ve found that there are a lot of bad therapists out there who go right to forgiveness as if that will magically solve all of life’s problems, without even giving one a chance to talk about what it is that happened that you might need to be so gracious as to forgive. But yeah, how do I get there? I needed to move through my anger first. Sorry if that makes people uncomfortable 🤷‍♀️

[@ElMagnificoRe]

Indeed, I was lucky to find a therapist that never pushed for anything. It's like she was guiding me around the pot holes of life and letting me see around. Eventually when your own minds opens up. You start to notice them by yourself, dodging them without anyone's help.

[@jasminnairobi8940]

I’ve seen a lot of ted talks. This was the most inspiring I’ve ever seen.

[@rotony1]

Yes, probably one of the best ones.

[@jonathanchow3401]

Thanks Sarah. I can't forgive my dad for the past and though I am still not able to, I now know why, and in time, maybe I can. I cried watching this. I cant tell you how much your share helped me.

[@kanihassan7746]

Hi Jonathan Had a similar situation as yours, and I know how hard it can be but I kinda got over it now thankfully. I would really recommend reading those two books, they helped me trumandsly "Strong at the broken places" by Linda Sanford and "The power of forgivness" by Joan Gattuso

[@FeelTalks]

​@@kanihassan7746 Thank you for sharing! I've added these books to my read list. Being on the same boat to healing, i'm very much looking forward to learning more and letting myself be inspired by more beautiful ideas and incredible people.

[@kanihassan7746]

@@FeelTalks glad I could help :) I can assure that the destination is very fullfilling eventhough the journey might not be amusing

[@nickandchrismom]

Please keep endeavoring to forgive him and any others Jonathan. Forgiveness is freedom, forgiveness is for you. God bless you! Praying for you ❤

[@pris402]

Jonathan Chow fun and yummy

[@joi4705]

Sarah, baby, this was church...God Bless & thank you for sharing your story. Your bravery is helping more ppl than you know🙌🏽

[@diniyozmatova4415]

Damn she's such an amazing woman

[@sofiamcmarques]

I cried through this video. I can't carry all this anger with me anymore, it's time to let it go. I'm writing a forgiveness letter. Thank you for reminding me that I still have the power to let it go

[@humanityangle4530]

wow

[@sojo973]

Forgiveness is the only real path to freedom

[@MohaMed-ig7ev]

You're false

[@claragrodeau499]

Moha Med why

[@mitchcolburn1216]

@ThumperOne Exactly

[@EB-mt9te]

"To get free you have to get super specific about what exactly it is that you’re forgiving because you cannot forgive something that didn’t happen to you……..the family cannot forgive murders because they were not killed, they can only forgive the pain ,anguish and grief that the loss caused them. This was a jackpot moment for me, I had to compartmentalize my damage"

[@savannahglenn8909]

this brought me to tears. I’m working on forgiving people who aren’t sorry and have done unacceptable things to me, this helped. thank you

[@walliarauf7079]

" When we choose vengeance, we are actually signing a blood oath to chain our story to our enemies for the rest of time"

[@CheezeTank]

This is the most powerful TED Talk I’ve ever watched.

[@fraziersworld3701]

I am trying to forgive the man that killed my son...it's so hard .. This is very powerful

[@beingearnest123]

Maybe you are not ready to forgive yet, maybe the wounds are still too fresh. And that's absolutely okay. I'm very sorry for your loss

[@fraziersworld3701]

@@beingearnest123 I want to be ready. It's been a year. Thank you it's really hard.

[@lollmao249]

I wish you all the best and i am here to support you. Please don't pressure yourself to forgive him it may hurt you more. Time will tell you when you are ready to. You are hurt because you still have a lot of love to give to your son , but hey look around you ..there are people ..you Can take that love you have for your son to the World. Life is still beautiful i Hope you will be able to see it.

[@growwithsonia]

How does this video not have millions of views? This woman spoke not just her heart out but ultimate truth. Wouldn't be exaggerating if I said she taught me many lessons on how to live today and forever. God bless you always ♥️

[@alyssastroh6558]

This talk is so profound and absolutely AMAZING! I love Jesus and grew up in a Christian household all my life, where I heard more sermons on forgiveness than I can ever count, but also felt like not a single one of them gave practical ways in how to walk through that forgiveness process. This talk did it all in the span of 15 minutes. AMAZING!

[@mindfulnessasia1082]

Forgiveness is a decision. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to hold on to hurt feelings and let them sit in our hearts like thorns.

[@ShaunHolden]

It definitely is a decision, a tough one. But certainly worthwhile!

[@kawaiisenshi2401]

This one ted talk is going to take me 3 years to digest....just WOW absolutely amazing THANK YOU! Im excited to meet you one day

[@razleydiocariza6588]

1 more year to go

[@smile.dream.believe4199]

Nearly there Yewwww

[@celiaracicot7857]

This is seriously so deep and this woman is wise beyond her years!! A therapist once told me that wisdom is having a tolerance for the ambiguity of man. This girl has nailed not only forgiveness but wisdom. Git it girl!

[@TryingToBeLikeJesus]

I never knew you, Jim, or your mom personally but my and jim's choir director (Mr. Tutwiler) showed us this video. I never thought when I first watched this that I would watch it again so many times or show other people it as much as I have. This presentation has touched me and so many others more than I could have thought of. Thank you so much for sharing this story to the world and what exactly the real risk of forgiveness was.

[@haleighspeaks2115]

Just before I clicked on this, I thought to myself, "as inspiring and wonderful as all these TED talks are (I watch A LOT of them), I don't think I've ever seen one that's truly INCREDIBLE--near perfect in its message, delivery, writing and truth." Then, I finished watching this one... and I can no longer say that statement accurately. Bravo. This was truly incredible.

[@MarcosSilva-tu9jm]

Oh, watch some of Andrew Solomons talks, he have 3 i think and they are awesome.

[@EmilyRose1]

when they don't give a f*ck about you or how they hurt you, it's literally impossible to forgive and it drives you crazy.

[@ShaunHolden]

Its not impossible, I promise you that. However, I must remind you we do not forgive them for them, we forgive them for us. Forgiveness is for you, nobody else. If you have any questions please let me know.

[@CameronWoods-xe5wg]

Finally another real person. Correct. Forgiveness is pointless. They never gave a damn about you, why would they care about what you think?

[@CameronWoods-xe5wg]

@@ShaunHolden Wrong. It is impossible. Period.

[@ShaunHolden]

@@CameronWoods-xe5wg How old are you?

[@ShaunHolden]

@@CameronWoods-xe5wg must be wrong if you said it hey..

[@TheKrispyfort]

The most useful TEDx talk ever! Thank you

[@DannyTillotson]

8:47 "In Judaism the family cannot forgive murderers because they were not killed. They can only forgive the pain, anguish and grief that the lost caused them... I had to compartmentalise my damage. Not what happened to Mum and Jim... What happened to me."

[@zzulm]

Surprising, thanks for sharing.

[@genesis_888]

Wow, had not thought of it this way. Thank u for sharing ❤️

[@yoelauer]

I'm looking for the source of this idea in Judaism. Does anyone know about it?

[@pathenman4513]

I am still not sure if I understand what forgiveness is and I have given it 11 years of thought. People ask me if I have forgiven our offender and I can’t say yes or no, just ‘what is forgiveness?’ It is complex. This was a very interesting take on forgiveness and if it works for Sarah all the power to her. Peace to all who suffer at someone else’s hand.

[@justinkitto9756]

One of my absolute favorite TED talks! She's so authentic...and she's right.

[@charleneland1680]

This has to be the single most, to the point, gut wrenchingly honest video I have ever seen on forgiveness. Thank you…..I’m still in the construction phase, but I hope that I will someday be where you are in your journey to forgiveness.

[@sonyaberkenpas5071]

I’ve watched numerous of sermons on forgiveness and this Ted talk takes the gold trophy. Thank you for sharing your story. ♥️🙏🏽

[@hvacwork-zd5ph]

Thank u so much for that. I feel like you showed me a path I can understand and follow. I'm so tired.

[@efoxkitsune9493]

Hi, might sound random from a stranger, but I hope you're well. Whatever you're going through, I'm wishing you all the best. You'll be okay. Sending love

[@hvacwork-zd5ph]

I'm good thank u for asking. I have a lot to learn, a lot to let go. Just taken me some time.

[@efoxkitsune9493]

@@hvacwork-zd5ph That's totally valid. Things take time. Letting go can be a long and difficult process. I myself am learning a lot lately, too, and I still have a long way to go. Well, I hope things go well for you. Take care!

[@hvacwork-zd5ph]

@@efoxkitsune9493 same here. And no one's going to figure it out for us only ourselves.

[@lesliemcevoy]

I keep thinking about you...let us know how you are doing. Reach out if you need help, a hug.... there are lots of people out here that care.

[@jaclynjohnston]

Why would ANYONE give this a thumbs down? It is amazing and life-changing. 💜

[@cenntraru]

"Forgiveness is an earthly form of love". -- A Course in Miracles

[@karl9868]

Here is a superwoman. Got emotional watching this, can’t imagine your pain. Sending you all the love and light in the world.

[@tb150515]

I am a KZbin Junkie I'll admit it. This was one of the best videos I've ever watched in my life it's just what I needed today I was ready to give up thank you so much you're so beautiful

[@BygoneT]

Just out of curiosity, in spite of being a youtube junkie, did you accomplish anything cool since the 12 months you posted this?

[@theveganroot7896]

What an eloquent speaker. Amazing!

[@JayJay-lr5wm]

Seeing your attackers as nothing is what i was doing thinking i was letting go, u just spoke to me hun

[@VioletEmerald]

That made me cry repeatedly throughout the powerful, wonderful presentation. I'm still coming to terms with a certain murder in my life, where the person I loved like family and whom i felt deeply that I forgave was the murderer in the situation, who then killed himself in the same minute right after killing his victim. Then i felt a lot of weird shame for my forgiveness even if generally that's supposed to be something people are encouraged to do. I'm trying to understand why and how I came to forgive and i think this helped me get a lot more of how my extreme trauma of him doing this led to me needing to forgive intuitively in order to let go and be free.

[@harryjones84]

OMG i am so sorry to hear about your experience but i swear i was just looking for a video or comment on exacctly THIS point...with many peopl understandably thanking her for making them not feel bad for not yet being able to forgive...I was still seeing if anyone else had experienced the feeling of being ABLE to forgive when others can''t and whether it is a faukt of mine

[@yomamasofat413]

This video is so deep. I don’t understand what is forgiveness and how come i shouldn’t expect an apology or something. I’m still lost...

[@bahgpappan5298]

Let me explain. No one knows my side. I dnt know what I did ??

[@tlindfld]

What a beautiful young woman. Her strength makes her very beautiful

[@uncle_mike]

This is by far one of the most intimate testimonies and invitational talks I've heard concerning forgiveness. Thankful for Sarah and her willingness to be vulnerable and I'm grateful for her growth through forgiveness.

[@julieprince5538]

7/22 Dear Sarah, I don’t know if you will see my comments all these years later. I want you to know your Divine message is still affecting humanity. My 14 year old Granddaughter ask me how to forgive and I shared my experience on how and why I forgive them I was guided to KZbin and your story came up and I cried throughout and sent it to my Granddaughter. Out of our darkest times comes our ability to change humanity if we can find the courage. God Bless you and Thank you for sharing this beautiful message of Forgiveness ♥️♥️♥️ Much Love to All

[@gabrielmaddern6070]

Unforgiveness is a cell we make for ourselves, things can be said before farewell.

[@jerrym.3083]

Forgive. Then love. Love heals everyone. Love and forgiveness are key life tools. Use it often. It will release whatever it is that is consuming your time, and energy

[@WaveMix70]

Thank you for sharing your story and lesson about forgiveness. When I was a new teacher, your Mom told me that love is a powerful tool in the classroom. Love and forgiveness.

[@nickandchrismom]

Beautiful!

[@myriamtuttle]

Thanks a person I loved not knowing he was a sociopath harmed and disabled our 2 daughters and just worked something worse on the eldest. Though I tried to forgive MANY times I struggled and words coming from others that had not suffered what this woman and I have, only sparked rebellion/resentment inside. Listening to this speaker helped me: choose to put myself/wellbeing/ happiness on top of being right HUGE reality. "If you are bleeding you're not even close to forgive, if you can point to your scars and tell me how it happened, you are far from forgiveness" So true also. Forcing us to speed it up is fruitless. It hurts, getting over it and heal takes time and effort, many trials and errors, a super natural strength, etc the key is to always choose me over being right. THANK YOU

[@iyanjopa-kaba9155]

When she said that she’s got nothing left to lose, my heart broke for her😭💔

[@adliberate]

I love how you show your grief, still hold it with you in the present. Bless your mum and dad and family.

[@babybrownie13]

This was exactly what I needed right now. I took notes and will be reading them again and again. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and message of the beauty and blessings of forgiveness. ❤❤❤

[@deanhockenberry9268]

Dragging someone through the mud means you are right there with them.

[@tushrabe]

Was searching "How to forgive someone who is not sorry and will hurt you again" came to this and since then its been on repeat for 3 days, will listen till I am ready.

[@chalchihuites]

How can someone so young be so strong. Never in my life miserable life have I seen anyone like this. I am in awww. Woooow. Amazing woman. Thank you so much!!!!!

[@dustinquinton]

Forgiveness is for yourself. It doesn’t mean you forget, but it is definitely the only way to move on. It’s a way of releasing them and separating yourself from them. She speaks a lot of truth.

[@haniffmohamoodally]

Sarah, this is the bravest act of humanity to forgive the murderer, your most noble deed set you free from permanent grief, pain, and anger you would have experienced all your life, This is the final healing for you, You are an ongoing inspiration, May God bless you always.

[@Yuli2013]

“Turns out there’s no fake it till you make it in forgiveness. Although that’s what sadly society expects us to do”

[@f.u.c8308]

In a world where we dehumanize anyone who hurts anyone else, you forgave a murderer of your family and I think you are setting a good example although hard to relate to. I don’t have the strength to forgive everyone even though I know they had reasons for hurting me. I don’t have it in me right now to emotionally forgive in my heart, I’m in survival mode.

[@juliapilgrim6074]

You are brave and honest too.

[@alinecardoso9668]

Beautiful words 👏. I'm really sorry about what happened to your family, I wish no one would never feel this kind of pain.

[@nasreenhajibeigy3697]

First thing is saw was the video was for 15 mins n didn’t think I would sit through the whole talk, now I felt it ended so fast not realising 15 mins flew by. Brilliant and inspiring speaker❤

[@thwh77]

I never thought about Forgiveness. I literally don't even understand the concept as a whole. I set myself free by just leaving it all behind.

[@deborahcontell1417]

I watched your video a good few weeks ago. And this past weekend, I have finally seen the light and experienced this forgiveness thing. Its totally legit.. I AM free..

[@efoxkitsune9493]

This... This is such a revelation. I never fully understood forgiveness. I would always wonder, how can you forgive someone who didn't hurt you directly, but someone you love? And also, how do you forgive yourself if you don't know whether the person you've hurt has forgiven you or not? To me it always seemed like saying you didn't _care_ anymore about hurting them. This blew my mind. I'm starting to get closer to understanding it. The speech was amazingly delivered and it all made so much sense. I can't even put into word how much this touched me. I thank you, Sarah Montana, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.

[@jessiethoma3409]

Out of the plethora of Ted Talks I have watched, listened, and analyzed, this is by far the most eloquent and seemingly understandable approach and delivery. You forgive the feelings that you feel because of the person or situation, you cannot forgive what does not happen to you, But you can relinquish what it made you feel like. Intent or not, when someone or something happens to you, that feeling is validated whether they were trying to evoke that response or not. Clarity is the key to longterm peace, communication, and life.

[@hturtyada9435]

IDK what to say already. Only those who truly "forgive" will know what it means. You first accept, then you cut off all the badness you kept feeding yourself and justify it as "look they made me like this". It's sooo easy to say but hard af, it takes wisdom, courage and never giving up on all the possibilities. I can resonate so much. She's amazing

[@mz6367]

one of the best ted talks I have ever seen. I love how strong she is , and having the opportunity to tell jokes when you tell sad story impressing me

[@lucyg1606]

Thank you so so much for this. This got to a place that after almost three years of unimaginable suffering and working with several professionals who purport to help people recover from a traumatic experiences couldn’t. In fact it was making things worse, because the advice was always “get structure, be diligent about your routine, exercise, get out there, fake it till you make it etc” - and I just couldn’t and it was making feel worse & worse about myself. Somebody did something really cruel, violent, damaging even - and I had a really hard time getting over it. I used to be such a joyous person, I loved my job, I helped a lot of people, had friends, loved nature, running, and after that happened it was just taken away. All professionals were saying I allowed it to be taken from me, I need to reclaim it, which essentially was blaming me for what happened. Not that such a abomination is ever okay, no matter what, but to me it happened at workplace, you just don’t ever think it could. And I couldn’t do anything about it which was horrible, as I was told that not only I will never be able to prove anything but that they would come after me because I signed an agreement to not make disparaging remarks - that was before the horrible thing happened of course - and I did go to several different attorneys who told me the same thing - it’s hard to prove, and the company will come after me for slander. It just about broke me. I am still a highly qualified professional but I was lacking confidence and didn’t think I was good enough for any job. I stopped running, doing anything really that used to cause joy. I have never lacked discipline, but I just couldn’t get out of bed in the morning - and all the professional advice “just make yourself - go exercise, don’t check your phone, etc. only worked at times, I really really tried. And you know what, I am glad I did not just pop out of bed this morning, but somehow this talk popped on my feed, and this was profound. I don’t know - but I hope it will help further. I wrote those letter verbatim (but I am not mailing them), to the horrid people, to incompetents professionals who were telling me just to snap out of it. Now I actually don’t have to force myself to go running, it’s so much joy, i would rather just jump of bed and go running because I want to - and how said that I didn’t do anything wrong, quite the opposite, asked for help, used up all my savings, and it was just making me feel worse & worse, But fine. I found this, and it helped. I am going to play this talk at my support group meeting - hopefully it can help others. I was a person people called when they needed positivity, I had a talent for making people feel safe and empowered. But I had not been able to do it for so long. I was trying so hard, made myself to stick to structure, but I still couldn’t smile ever, and I used to laugh so much, people called me whenever they just needed encouraging. We all have different gifts, and that was mine, and I almost lost it. Essentially the crime robbed all the people I could have been helping too. Thank you so much. Oh and this not by all means an encouraging to start your day with your phone, but in this case it was the best thing ever, so no advice is always universally applicable. I think I will recover now. Thank you so much. I am a very private person and this is by far the most frank I’ve ever been about private things. Thank you so much.

[@restymacalisang]

I was crying the whole time watching this. It baffles me how you interject humour to a very painful experience. But, listening to your talk made me realize this is the power of true forgiveness. We are able to smile and laugh again because we freed ourselves from the chains of blame and hatred. Thank you Sarah!

[@georgeroberts442]

"You can’t forgive your father for beating your mother. You can only forgive him for how sad, alienated, and angry that made you feel." 9:30 Strummin' my pain with her fingers, singin' my life with her words. Killing me softly ..... Oh my!

[@kevinmusngi6164]

Legit forgiveness

[@jbela]

Thank you for this the most powerful ted talk, set me in tears. Forgiveness is tricky. I think you have to be ready to do so. Its like you are still giving a part of yourself just to clear the air and set you free. But i feel you still pay or feel the consequences.

[@sarahlillywhite9097]

She is such a gorgeous woman. Spirit mind and body.

[@ronaldallison797]

Wow “ i hated to be reduced to one thing that happened to me one day, i yearned for more, to be whole” that really spoke to me

[@fantasmaparanormal1996]

I believe you don’t have to like the person or people who hurt you but you do have to forgive them. If you do not forgive them you’ll be the one to suffer as you are holding onto that pain, anger, rage, sadness and hurt. If you don’t let go and forgive it will consume you. Learn the art of forgiveness ❤️

[@SalsaColombia]

This made me cry. It is true, it is about them, it is never about you.

[@eashwarmurthy]

Forgiveness is the only path to freedom.

[@jnoel7166]

The fact she can say this story without crying made me stronger💯

[@jenvioli5664]

Oh wow, Sarah. This is incredible. Insightful. Beautiful. Moving. Thoughtful. I love and am so grateful for where you took us. Thank you, love you!

[@purisimaboyo2155]

Jenifer Lawrence

[@DominiqueJeune]

i hoped someone would comment on this...so I wasnt the only one!

[@harktheharold4523]

I see a little bit of Katie Holmes...

[@cookie4sunbeam]

@@harktheharold4523 yes but she sounds like Jennifer Lawrence. She even looks a little bit like Britney Spears.

[@samerlias]

How is it possible that this talk has only 17K likes out of 24 million subscribers!!?

[@NestorMaravi]

Why forgive. Thank you for sharing that.

[@wisepersonsay3142]

Wonderful. Truthful. My respect for the young honest speaker. I always get frustrated when the preachers of any religion preach about ''forgiveness' when they cannot even do it by themselves. Hypocrisy angers me a lot. Over the years I learnt that only the handful of the mankind know the truth about anything. I hope to belong to the handful.

[@SH-vm1rz]

Wow 1000 times u realy exposed your self and gave a good reason and ways for forgiveness...thanks

[@Frank-qs5tb]

Thank you for sharing your story. My cousin was murdered by her husband (who then killed himself) Murder is hard to forgive.

[@randomvideos7295]

My life trauma came up altogether and a week later I was in hospital needing surgery with unconfirmed infection... I want to forgive which is what bought me here.

[@sanathkumarj8691]

The easiest way to forgive is to pray for those who wronged you. Tell god exactly what they did and cry for their forgiveness.

[@12rsanch]

Not true

[@ikeandlindannene1209]

Very moving account that demonstrates the ups and downs of forgiveness but shows that ultimately there are profound personal enduring benefits from forsaking the offence. You are an inspiration Sarah!

[@garyrandall3059]

This has been the single most educational lesson on forgiveness that I needed. Thank you so much Sarah!! You are an amazing example of thoughtfulness and intent when it comes to personal change.

[@oldboyxanliquidrage]

I like to think soul mates are really just souls that recognized eachother from past lifes

[@humabeg8177]

Incredibly articulated. You shine right through your words. What experiences and look what you made of that! Stunning. You can be an actor, writer, film producer, story teller anything and everything. I may be seeing you on the silver screen sooner than later.

[@murphielaw443]

I couldn’t help but cry. Thank you. Your words are beautiful.

[@marckemp9955]

Typically the people who won't leave you alone and are constantly harassing you are the ones who aren't forgiving even though they claim you are not forgiving them. Narcissists have things turned around.

[@Melissa-qv9mi]

My point of view of forgiveness is for yourself not the other person so each time I am ready to forgive them I make sure it is for myself