The Real Risk of Forgiveness-And Why It’s Worth It | Sarah Montana | TEDxLincolnSquare

[@lyssphan7700]

“Forgiveness is a designed to set you free. When you say I forgive you, what you’re really saying is, I know what you did it’s not okay but I recognize that you are more than that. I don’t want to hold us captive to this thing anymore. I can heal myself and I don’t need anything from you.” Damn

[@angelabender8132]

Lyss Phan "I don't need anything from you" That is the secret!

[@anushkapandey9157]

omg

[@phailie03]

she looks straight to the camera when she's saying it...

[@macancela]

Beautiful

[@echamber]

What if they aren’t more than that? What if they are just not a good person?

[@megalosauru]

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

[@hk-1290]

That's beautiful..

[@SummerSunny2024]

Can you send me that quote?

[@bobadiag]

Thank you 😊.!!

[@barrypeterson6725]

Love this statement!

[@megalosauru]

@@barrypeterson6725 Thank you :)

[@aubreyalvarez7396]

“Choosing myself was more important than being right”. That hit me.

[@theresamcgallicher]

It's always more important to be happy than to be right. 💖

[@DineshBhatia]

Yes the best statement in this speech ❤️

[@lalaland9646]

Time stamp?

[@arlonfoster9997]

@@theresamcgallicher exactly I don’t care if I am right or wrong I just want to be happy

[@moniopolis]

This idea of "too soon to forgive" takes all the pressure off that I never knew I had

[@thorinhannahs4614]

No kidding. Now it is about finding balance in everyday life while understanding forgiveness can be pretty far off.

[@punbishal5874]

Indeed! It takes years to heal and forgive. One can’t just say I forgive. The healing process is difficult. Have to reflect on the facts, what happened? what was done? How was it done ? Is there my fault ? Why did I trust this person? Self blame, self hate and anger and all of that. Then blame the other party who did the damage. But in the end, peace comes from forgiving the other side and forgiving yourself for trusting that person. In the end, forgiving and moving on is the key to peace.

[@Jamieforeals]

Same

[@MS-bs8dd]

@@punbishal5874 well spoken. good questions too. so …. if I still feel dead inside, pretty much hidden behind a thin veneer, it means more processing. uggh

[@LamNguyen-xh3rb]

"Forgiveness is only right when waiting for what we're owed comes at too high a cost"

[@y9w1]

Very true, thank you for that quote 🙏🌼

[@rabouala]

Felt that

[@thePOWERofART-11]

it's only right then? how so? it's right to do immediately if you can.

[@ecovegangeek]

@@thePOWERofART-11 yeah, holding onto resentment only eats away at us, no matter what the act was, and who committed it.

[@kavitachouhanvisionenvoice9063]

Yes! So well said

[@kkurova9345]

My boyfriend was murdered by his dad, and he hasn't had his trial yet. I'm not ready to forgive, but this video gave me hope that some day I might be.

[@VivianixonArts]

My heart goes out to you, may your boyfriend rest in peace

[@claireh4414]

@@rubenthompson5900 My path to forgiveness and repentance is none of your business. You need to take a long hard look at yourself before you judge anyone or try to speak for God. Your approach is aggressive and devoid of the compassion Christ taught. Consider this a warning.

[@claireh4414]

@@rubenthompson5900 Yes, I'm aware of that. And my grieving process is God's business, not yours. I've made a to of progress towards forgiveness but it's not something that happens over night. You can't just say it and magically it happens. I want to have true forgiveness and with the help of my faith I am being guided there. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Have a heart. And face your own sin before bossing strangers around.

[@theresamcgallicher]

Oprah Winfrey says forgiveness is "giving up the hope that the past could have been different". I hope you feel better because you deserve to be happy no matter what has happened.

[@janinaschick-holistichealt9977]

@@theresamcgallicher Thats the definition I use, too🌻

[@jonathanbowens2401]

One of the most perfect Ted talks I've ever seen. I love how you poured your heart into it while combining humor and intelligence. And still being deep and keeping us focused on your story. I'm sharing. Bravo madam.

[@JustUsLeagueAZ]

Yes ❤. Thank you for saying what I was thinking ❤❤❤

[@AmaritoMan]

You dame right my friend u nailed it bravo :)

[@kuhusrivastava4443]

Absolutely right!!

[@cmbranders3986]

00000000000000000

[@NestorMaravi]

I couldn’t agree more.

[@walliarauf7079]

" When we choose vengeance, we are actually signing a blood oath to chain our story to our enemies for the rest of time"

[@Achiaa.]

"When we choose vengeance, we're actually signing a blood oath to chain our story to our enemy" .......that's deep.

[@decoy2636]

Correct, we must reach a place where we have peace inside ourselves. Then we can move on

[@Achiaa.]

@@decoy2636 that's very true

[@decoy2636]

@@Achiaa. that peace we seek is inside us already, and like you said seeking vengeance or holding a grudge is like a boat with the anchor out trying to move on

[@Achiaa.]

@@decoy2636 I find so much comfort in what you just said, I've been hurt so bad by some people in my life that I see like everyday, and my heart hurts everytime I see or think of them. I say and I believe that I have forgiven, yet I keep having this painful experience everytime and I just dont know what to do. It seems like I haven't gotten over the hurt, even though I want to really bad and it's just haunting

[@decoy2636]

@@Achiaa. I'm too hurt inside starting with childhood and then a 4 decade long relationship with a covert narcissist. I don't make a good victim and revenge I can not have and keep my soul too. If you are religous prayer has saved me from a life of hate carrying grudges around It would be like carrying 10 bags on a plane for a 3 day vacation. The bad thing is we waking up thinking those thoughts every day. 3 days of that mindset I have survived. The rest of this life I refuse to be miserable because someone else did a wrong. I refuse to punish my self for what I haven't done. You simply can't repent for a sin you didn't commit yourself. I chose her I must accept half of any blame. I did not choose my childhood and refuse to forget I refuse to hate.

[@NestorMaravi]

11:00 “If you don’t know what happened to you, you don’t know what you are forgiving.”

[@cindyfarrimond8093]

Wow! This talk is amazing. It took me 60 years to forgive my father. That's a long time to have a hook in you.

[@stillnessspeaks1180]

This is the best talk on forgiveness I have ever heard. I was struggling to forgive some people in my life terribly. Thank you so much for the talk.

[@cnbank]

Couldn't agree more. If she can do it, literally anyone can.

[@thePOWERofART-11]

me too

[@kshiprahada2241]

Truly. I didn't know I needed this.

[@wise-up-parenting]

Extremely moving, and poetically delivered, filled with inspiring metaphor, wisdom, and a refreshing new way to understand the grieving process. Thank you!

[@iamchangingtoo]

I love how transparent she was in her truth and her feelings. She didn't ignore what she was feeling and went on a journey to fix what she needed to be addressed. In the process, she learned so much and given much to think about.

[@nickandchrismom]

I agree

[@BrunoBatiston]

I couldn't agree more!

[@jonathanchow3401]

Thanks Sarah. I can't forgive my dad for the past and though I am still not able to, I now know why, and in time, maybe I can. I cried watching this. I cant tell you how much your share helped me.

[@kanihassan7746]

Hi Jonathan Had a similar situation as yours, and I know how hard it can be but I kinda got over it now thankfully. I would really recommend reading those two books, they helped me trumandsly "Strong at the broken places" by Linda Sanford and "The power of forgivness" by Joan Gattuso

[@FeelTalks]

​@@kanihassan7746 Thank you for sharing! I've added these books to my read list. Being on the same boat to healing, i'm very much looking forward to learning more and letting myself be inspired by more beautiful ideas and incredible people.

[@kanihassan7746]

@@FeelTalks glad I could help :) I can assure that the destination is very fullfilling eventhough the journey might not be amusing

[@nickandchrismom]

Please keep endeavoring to forgive him and any others Jonathan. Forgiveness is freedom, forgiveness is for you. God bless you! Praying for you ❤

[@pris402]

Jonathan Chow fun and yummy

[@pathenman4513]

I am still not sure if I understand what forgiveness is and I have given it 11 years of thought. People ask me if I have forgiven our offender and I can’t say yes or no, just ‘what is forgiveness?’ It is complex. This was a very interesting take on forgiveness and if it works for Sarah all the power to her. Peace to all who suffer at someone else’s hand.

[@noreenvance5554]

I've tried to encapsulate this amazing talk for those of us who need the visual. The world gives us three reasons we need to forgive: 1. Forgiveness will make me a good person. 2. There is a lot of pressure to forgive, so they can feel more comfortable and move on. 3. You think forgiveness is a short-cut to healing. None of these are true so why forgive? It brings us freedom from the chains that bind us to the trauma and the other person. Vengeance is another form of prison; it entwines us with the other person. In order to forgive we have to get very specific because we can not forgive something that did not happen to us. Looking at our wounds is scary but "do it" as this lets us scar over and heal once we look at the injustice. We need to get clear about what exactly was unjust so that when we choose to forgive we know exactly what contract we are tearing up. "Forgiveness is only right when waiting for what we are owed comes at too high a cost." Life is simpler when we have a villain to fight. Real forgiveness let's go of all expectations, let's go of a villain, you can't expect a certain outcome. It is too soon to forgive if you are still in the throws of grief, pain and trauma. Forgiveness is worth it!

[@Nasterco]

Thanks for summarizing it! It's perfect.

[@goodgrief888]

“You think that forgiveness is a shortcut to healing.” Yep. And I’ve found that there are a lot of bad therapists out there who go right to forgiveness as if that will magically solve all of life’s problems, without even giving one a chance to talk about what it is that happened that you might need to be so gracious as to forgive. But yeah, how do I get there? I needed to move through my anger first. Sorry if that makes people uncomfortable 🤷‍♀️

[@ElMagnificoRe]

Indeed, I was lucky to find a therapist that never pushed for anything. It's like she was guiding me around the pot holes of life and letting me see around. Eventually when your own minds opens up. You start to notice them by yourself, dodging them without anyone's help.

[@DannyTillotson]

8:47 "In Judaism the family cannot forgive murderers because they were not killed. They can only forgive the pain, anguish and grief that the lost caused them... I had to compartmentalise my damage. Not what happened to Mum and Jim... What happened to me."

[@zzulm]

Surprising, thanks for sharing.

[@genesis_888]

Wow, had not thought of it this way. Thank u for sharing ❤️

[@yoelauer]

I'm looking for the source of this idea in Judaism. Does anyone know about it?

[@tushrabe]

Was searching "How to forgive someone who is not sorry and will hurt you again" came to this and since then its been on repeat for 3 days, will listen till I am ready.

[@IawakenedOne]

Sarah, I cannot thank you enough. The contrast of my pain against yours and the undeniable expression of thorough comprehension through the embodiment of truth has brought a clarity I have yet to truly know. You didn't just save yourself; you saved a piece of humanity with this video. From the center of my existence, Thank You.

[@ShaunHolden]

Powerful words my friend! I hope you have managed to forgive yourself.

[@jonathanpeters4687]

I'm so sorry for your losses! You MOVED me beyond the pale and Profoundly shown me the Light and a better way! Thank you and God Bless YOU and your Family. This World is so MUCH more Beautiful & Better with YOU in it. R.I.P. Mom & Jim

[@sojo973]

Forgiveness is the only real path to freedom

[@MohaMed-ig7ev]

You're false

[@claragrodeau499]

Moha Med why

[@mitchcolburn1216]

@ThumperOne Exactly

[@EB-mt9te]

"To get free you have to get super specific about what exactly it is that you’re forgiving because you cannot forgive something that didn’t happen to you……..the family cannot forgive murders because they were not killed, they can only forgive the pain ,anguish and grief that the loss caused them. This was a jackpot moment for me, I had to compartmentalize my damage"

[@jasminnairobi8940]

I’ve seen a lot of ted talks. This was the most inspiring I’ve ever seen.

[@rotony1]

Yes, probably one of the best ones.

[@gabrielmaddern6070]

Unforgiveness is a cell we make for ourselves, things can be said before farewell.

[@diniyozmatova4415]

Damn she's such an amazing woman

[@NestorMaravi]

11:00 “Scars are reminders of what happened to you. That’s why is important to allow anger to surface and to feel it, and then let it go automatically.”

[@mindfulnessasia1082]

Forgiveness is a decision. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to hold on to hurt feelings and let them sit in our hearts like thorns.

[@ShaunHolden]

It definitely is a decision, a tough one. But certainly worthwhile!

[@Haliyajuma]

Amazing balance between authenticity and sage wisdom. As a recovering addict trying to make amends by those I hurt, forgive myself and learn how to forgive others who hurt me during and post rehab. Your talk has helped. Bravo Sarah

[@joi4705]

Sarah, baby, this was church...God Bless & thank you for sharing your story. Your bravery is helping more ppl than you know🙌🏽

[@NestorMaravi]

10:29 “True forgiveness allows you to look at your wounds, and that can be uncomfortable for most people.”

[@sofiamcmarques]

I cried through this video. I can't carry all this anger with me anymore, it's time to let it go. I'm writing a forgiveness letter. Thank you for reminding me that I still have the power to let it go

[@humanityangle4530]

wow

[@GailKing]

Wow!!! Thank you for walking us through your road to forgiveness. Your work was/is exceptional! Thank you for sharing!!!!

[@TryingToBeLikeJesus]

I never knew you, Jim, or your mom personally but my and jim's choir director (Mr. Tutwiler) showed us this video. I never thought when I first watched this that I would watch it again so many times or show other people it as much as I have. This presentation has touched me and so many others more than I could have thought of. Thank you so much for sharing this story to the world and what exactly the real risk of forgiveness was.

[@Jfmoorejr]

One of the fastest 15:53 in my life. Great recovery themed video. When we forgive, the desired outcome is not a positive, self-seeking reaction or validation from the offender, it is sustainable contentment within ourselves when acceptance is truly achieved and there is no longer an offense. The guy in prison could have a "whatever" attitude when he received her letter, it doesn't matter either way what his reaction is.

[@haleighspeaks2115]

Just before I clicked on this, I thought to myself, "as inspiring and wonderful as all these TED talks are (I watch A LOT of them), I don't think I've ever seen one that's truly INCREDIBLE--near perfect in its message, delivery, writing and truth." Then, I finished watching this one... and I can no longer say that statement accurately. Bravo. This was truly incredible.

[@MarcosSilva-tu9jm]

Oh, watch some of Andrew Solomons talks, he have 3 i think and they are awesome.

[@arkieologist]

This is the most profound and effective approach to truly forgiving I have ever come across. This story rings in my head years later when I think of my own story and how I can let go of what happened in my own life. Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart. ♥️♥️ Your story and message is life changing.

[@alyssastroh6558]

This talk is so profound and absolutely AMAZING! I love Jesus and grew up in a Christian household all my life, where I heard more sermons on forgiveness than I can ever count, but also felt like not a single one of them gave practical ways in how to walk through that forgiveness process. This talk did it all in the span of 15 minutes. AMAZING!

[@sonyaberkenpas5071]

I’ve watched numerous of sermons on forgiveness and this Ted talk takes the gold trophy. Thank you for sharing your story. ♥️🙏🏽

[@kawaiisenshi2401]

This one ted talk is going to take me 3 years to digest....just WOW absolutely amazing THANK YOU! Im excited to meet you one day

[@razleydiocariza6588]

1 more year to go

[@smile.dream.believe4199]

Nearly there Yewwww

[@thenakedsingularity]

I admire your courage.

[@savannahglenn8909]

this brought me to tears. I’m working on forgiving people who aren’t sorry and have done unacceptable things to me, this helped. thank you

[@arielsiffert6656]

I am currently forgiving my parents’ murderer and have written him a letter and got one back. We are starting a healing journey together

[@toocooltobecruel]

How strong of you!! To forgive is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. All the best ❤️

[@celiaracicot7857]

This is seriously so deep and this woman is wise beyond her years!! A therapist once told me that wisdom is having a tolerance for the ambiguity of man. This girl has nailed not only forgiveness but wisdom. Git it girl!

[@georgeroberts442]

"You can’t forgive your father for beating your mother. You can only forgive him for how sad, alienated, and angry that made you feel." 9:30 Strummin' my pain with her fingers, singin' my life with her words. Killing me softly ..... Oh my!

[@hvacwork-zd5ph]

Thank u so much for that. I feel like you showed me a path I can understand and follow. I'm so tired.

[@efoxkitsune9493]

Hi, might sound random from a stranger, but I hope you're well. Whatever you're going through, I'm wishing you all the best. You'll be okay. Sending love

[@hvacwork-zd5ph]

I'm good thank u for asking. I have a lot to learn, a lot to let go. Just taken me some time.

[@efoxkitsune9493]

@@hvacwork-zd5ph That's totally valid. Things take time. Letting go can be a long and difficult process. I myself am learning a lot lately, too, and I still have a long way to go. Well, I hope things go well for you. Take care!

[@hvacwork-zd5ph]

@@efoxkitsune9493 same here. And no one's going to figure it out for us only ourselves.

[@lesliemcevoy]

I keep thinking about you...let us know how you are doing. Reach out if you need help, a hug.... there are lots of people out here that care.

[@christinetoeleiu]

"Forgiveness is designed to set you free. When you say, 'I forgive you,' what you really are saying is, 'I know what you did; it's not okay, but I recognize that you are more than that. I don't want to hold us captive to this thing anymore. I can heal myself, and I don't need anything from you anymore.'" This story really hit me, I feel bad for her:(

[@growwithsonia]

How does this video not have millions of views? This woman spoke not just her heart out but ultimate truth. Wouldn't be exaggerating if I said she taught me many lessons on how to live today and forever. God bless you always ♥️

[@amazinggrapes3045]

Forgiving someone for their actions when they are a young person, lacking power and choices, who you never had a social relationship with, is one thing. Forgiveness of people who have abused their power over you comes after remorse. A moment sooner and you are making excuses, saying it's okay, inviting it to happen again.

[@TheKrispyfort]

The most useful TEDx talk ever! Thank you

[@CheezeTank]

This is the most powerful TED Talk I’ve ever watched.

[@charleneland1680]

This has to be the single most, to the point, gut wrenchingly honest video I have ever seen on forgiveness. Thank you…..I’m still in the construction phase, but I hope that I will someday be where you are in your journey to forgiveness.

[@heatherheron-speirs8727]

I think this is the most helpful clear summary of how to forgive that I have come across. It has really helped me. Thank you very much.

[@VioletEmerald]

That made me cry repeatedly throughout the powerful, wonderful presentation. I'm still coming to terms with a certain murder in my life, where the person I loved like family and whom i felt deeply that I forgave was the murderer in the situation, who then killed himself in the same minute right after killing his victim. Then i felt a lot of weird shame for my forgiveness even if generally that's supposed to be something people are encouraged to do. I'm trying to understand why and how I came to forgive and i think this helped me get a lot more of how my extreme trauma of him doing this led to me needing to forgive intuitively in order to let go and be free.

[@harryjones84]

OMG i am so sorry to hear about your experience but i swear i was just looking for a video or comment on exacctly THIS point...with many peopl understandably thanking her for making them not feel bad for not yet being able to forgive...I was still seeing if anyone else had experienced the feeling of being ABLE to forgive when others can''t and whether it is a faukt of mine

[@Melissa-qv9mi]

My point of view of forgiveness is for yourself not the other person so each time I am ready to forgive them I make sure it is for myself

[@dustinquinton]

Forgiveness is for yourself. It doesn’t mean you forget, but it is definitely the only way to move on. It’s a way of releasing them and separating yourself from them. She speaks a lot of truth.

[@nupecarrera]

Choosing myself over being right! Boom there it is.

[@justinkitto9756]

One of my absolute favorite TED talks! She's so authentic...and she's right.

[@roja7426]

I have never looked at forgiveness in the manner that young woman explained it. It’s truly amazing how much work and thought she has put into forgiveness to shed light on it and help to look at forgiveness in another that far deeper that were suppose to forgive because good people forgive.

[@karl9868]

Here is a superwoman. Got emotional watching this, can’t imagine your pain. Sending you all the love and light in the world.

[@zhangshiyucao]

I need to rewatch this multiple times. I cannot forgive people.

[@tb150515]

I am a KZbin Junkie I'll admit it. This was one of the best videos I've ever watched in my life it's just what I needed today I was ready to give up thank you so much you're so beautiful

[@BygoneT]

Just out of curiosity, in spite of being a youtube junkie, did you accomplish anything cool since the 12 months you posted this?

[@ultraviolav9626]

Wow such a big difference in American and European culture! This talk's centre point is the fact that someone struggles for years with the society's expectations of not to express negative "messy" empotions and she wanted to forgive quickly - after they killed her family? It can take a lifetime and I feel so lucky to live in Europe where social expectations are secondary to the fact that you need to process first with all the mess and hate and anger - and that will autmatically let things go. This is how you can do it. I'm happy that she could get closer to herself and I wish she can live on easier after such a terrible event.

[@cenntraru]

"Forgiveness is an earthly form of love". -- A Course in Miracles

[@restythenurse]

I was crying the whole time watching this. It baffles me how you interject humour to a very painful experience. But, listening to your talk made me realize this is the power of true forgiveness. We are able to smile and laugh again because we freed ourselves from the chains of blame and hatred. Thank you Sarah!

[@particles1101]

If ever there was a pure soul that is her.

[@jaclynjohnston]

Why would ANYONE give this a thumbs down? It is amazing and life-changing. 💜

[@julieprince5538]

7/22 Dear Sarah, I don’t know if you will see my comments all these years later. I want you to know your Divine message is still affecting humanity. My 14 year old Granddaughter ask me how to forgive and I shared my experience on how and why I forgive them I was guided to KZbin and your story came up and I cried throughout and sent it to my Granddaughter. Out of our darkest times comes our ability to change humanity if we can find the courage. God Bless you and Thank you for sharing this beautiful message of Forgiveness ♥️♥️♥️ Much Love to All

[@jerrym.3083]

Forgive. Then love. Love heals everyone. Love and forgiveness are key life tools. Use it often. It will release whatever it is that is consuming your time, and energy

[@newpairofeyes5360]

i'm having a hard time applying this to two situations. how do you forgive yourself, for harming others? and those who have directly hurt you? this video is so moving but it just doesn't quite seem to fit. i am having a really hard time not seeing myself as the monster, but living in a state of not forgiving myself is killing me. she said not to do it if you aren't ready, and i still don't feel like i can but i can't exist in this way

[@yomamasofat413]

This video is so deep. I don’t understand what is forgiveness and how come i shouldn’t expect an apology or something. I’m still lost...

[@bahgpappan5298]

Let me explain. No one knows my side. I dnt know what I did ??

[@annettehansen6047]

I've always had problems with resentments and forgiveness because of the things some people did to me especially the major things. I went to treatment for an addiction problem to get sober and in recovery where I had a therapist and a sponsor I did the steps with. My therapist told me that resentments only hurt you, not the other person. You do it for yourself. The steps are all about letting go of bad behaviors, making amends, becoming a better person, and helping others. I had to write down all my resentments, how they affected me, and my part in them. When you see your part you know what to change and make amends if needed. I also try to understand why people are the way they are and do what they do. Not justifying or condoning their behaviors but we act how we do for a reason. Then it helps have more compassion and pray for them. If they change be happy for them, if not, don't stoop to their level and get revenge, but be the bigger person and be kind. They will get their karma whether from an experience, another person, or God. I wouldn't wish that. It's good to heal and protect yourself. And another thing I forgot to mention not every situation you play a part in like if you were abused.

[@humabeg8177]

Incredibly articulated. You shine right through your words. What experiences and look what you made of that! Stunning. You can be an actor, writer, film producer, story teller anything and everything. I may be seeing you on the silver screen sooner than later.

[@12rsanch]

Wow WOW SHE HAS BECOME LOVE THATS THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS IT TURNS YOU INTO LOVE

[@JayJay-lr5wm]

Seeing your attackers as nothing is what i was doing thinking i was letting go, u just spoke to me hun

[@nasreenhajibeigy3697]

First thing is saw was the video was for 15 mins n didn’t think I would sit through the whole talk, now I felt it ended so fast not realising 15 mins flew by. Brilliant and inspiring speaker❤

[@uncle_mike]

This is by far one of the most intimate testimonies and invitational talks I've heard concerning forgiveness. Thankful for Sarah and her willingness to be vulnerable and I'm grateful for her growth through forgiveness.

[@myriamtuttle]

Thanks a person I loved not knowing he was a sociopath harmed and disabled our 2 daughters and just worked something worse on the eldest. Though I tried to forgive MANY times I struggled and words coming from others that had not suffered what this woman and I have, only sparked rebellion/resentment inside. Listening to this speaker helped me: choose to put myself/wellbeing/ happiness on top of being right HUGE reality. "If you are bleeding you're not even close to forgive, if you can point to your scars and tell me how it happened, you are far from forgiveness" So true also. Forcing us to speed it up is fruitless. It hurts, getting over it and heal takes time and effort, many trials and errors, a super natural strength, etc the key is to always choose me over being right. THANK YOU

[@lucyg1606]

Thank you so so much for this. This got to a place that after almost three years of unimaginable suffering and working with several professionals who purport to help people recover from a traumatic experiences couldn’t. In fact it was making things worse, because the advice was always “get structure, be diligent about your routine, exercise, get out there, fake it till you make it etc” - and I just couldn’t and it was making feel worse & worse about myself. Somebody did something really cruel, violent, damaging even - and I had a really hard time getting over it. I used to be such a joyous person, I loved my job, I helped a lot of people, had friends, loved nature, running, and after that happened it was just taken away. All professionals were saying I allowed it to be taken from me, I need to reclaim it, which essentially was blaming me for what happened. Not that such a abomination is ever okay, no matter what, but to me it happened at workplace, you just don’t ever think it could. And I couldn’t do anything about it which was horrible, as I was told that not only I will never be able to prove anything but that they would come after me because I signed an agreement to not make disparaging remarks - that was before the horrible thing happened of course - and I did go to several different attorneys who told me the same thing - it’s hard to prove, and the company will come after me for slander. It just about broke me. I am still a highly qualified professional but I was lacking confidence and didn’t think I was good enough for any job. I stopped running, doing anything really that used to cause joy. I have never lacked discipline, but I just couldn’t get out of bed in the morning - and all the professional advice “just make yourself - go exercise, don’t check your phone, etc. only worked at times, I really really tried. And you know what, I am glad I did not just pop out of bed this morning, but somehow this talk popped on my feed, and this was profound. I don’t know - but I hope it will help further. I wrote those letter verbatim (but I am not mailing them), to the horrid people, to incompetents professionals who were telling me just to snap out of it. Now I actually don’t have to force myself to go running, it’s so much joy, i would rather just jump of bed and go running because I want to - and how said that I didn’t do anything wrong, quite the opposite, asked for help, used up all my savings, and it was just making me feel worse & worse, But fine. I found this, and it helped. I am going to play this talk at my support group meeting - hopefully it can help others. I was a person people called when they needed positivity, I had a talent for making people feel safe and empowered. But I had not been able to do it for so long. I was trying so hard, made myself to stick to structure, but I still couldn’t smile ever, and I used to laugh so much, people called me whenever they just needed encouraging. We all have different gifts, and that was mine, and I almost lost it. Essentially the crime robbed all the people I could have been helping too. Thank you so much. Oh and this not by all means an encouraging to start your day with your phone, but in this case it was the best thing ever, so no advice is always universally applicable. I think I will recover now. Thank you so much. I am a very private person and this is by far the most frank I’ve ever been about private things. Thank you so much.

[@moraaataya4057]

“Real forgiveness has to let go of all expectations” 🙌🏾

[@WaveMix70]

Thank you for sharing your story and lesson about forgiveness. When I was a new teacher, your Mom told me that love is a powerful tool in the classroom. Love and forgiveness.

[@nickandchrismom]

Beautiful!

[@RinieIndiraNauly]

i cant begin to imagine what it must like for sarah i will not be even as good as her standing on the stage talk about forgiveness. im here to find forgivrness for my bullies and exes but then sarah ted talk blew me away. my god i learn so much and i learn why we should forgive.

[@theveganroot7896]

What an eloquent speaker. Amazing!

[@danhowery5123]

Really great talk. This is very timely for me as I'm looking to let go of my own personal trauma. Thank you for this presentation.

[@iyanjopa-kaba9155]

When she said that she’s got nothing left to lose, my heart broke for her😭💔

[@randomvideos7295]

My life trauma came up altogether and a week later I was in hospital needing surgery with unconfirmed infection... I want to forgive which is what bought me here.

[@wisepersonsay3142]

Wonderful. Truthful. My respect for the young honest speaker. I always get frustrated when the preachers of any religion preach about ''forgiveness' when they cannot even do it by themselves. Hypocrisy angers me a lot. Over the years I learnt that only the handful of the mankind know the truth about anything. I hope to belong to the handful.

[@NestorMaravi]

Why forgive. Thank you for sharing that.

[@efoxkitsune9493]

This... This is such a revelation. I never fully understood forgiveness. I would always wonder, how can you forgive someone who didn't hurt you directly, but someone you love? And also, how do you forgive yourself if you don't know whether the person you've hurt has forgiven you or not? To me it always seemed like saying you didn't _care_ anymore about hurting them. This blew my mind. I'm starting to get closer to understanding it. The speech was amazingly delivered and it all made so much sense. I can't even put into word how much this touched me. I thank you, Sarah Montana, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.

[@Yuli2013]

“Turns out there’s no fake it till you make it in forgiveness. Although that’s what sadly society expects us to do”

[@adliberate]

I love how you show your grief, still hold it with you in the present. Bless your mum and dad and family.

[@sonyaberkenpas5071]

“Forgiveness is only right when waiting for what is owed to us comes at too high of a cost.”

[@hinatanaka48]

This showed me the real reason to forgive. Thank you I really needed this!

[@annemumbindungu9336]

One who forgives enjoys the beauty of forgiveness.

[@tlindfld]

What a beautiful young woman. Her strength makes her very beautiful

[@thwh77]

I never thought about Forgiveness. I literally don't even understand the concept as a whole. I set myself free by just leaving it all behind.

[@babybrownie13]

This was exactly what I needed right now. I took notes and will be reading them again and again. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and message of the beauty and blessings of forgiveness. ❤❤❤

[@Cloud8max]

Wow “ i hated to be reduced to one thing that happened to me one day, i yearned for more, to be whole” that really spoke to me

[@mz6367]

one of the best ted talks I have ever seen. I love how strong she is , and having the opportunity to tell jokes when you tell sad story impressing me

[@haniffmohamoodally]

Sarah, this is the bravest act of humanity to forgive the murderer, your most noble deed set you free from permanent grief, pain, and anger you would have experienced all your life, This is the final healing for you, You are an ongoing inspiration, May God bless you always.

[@deborahcontell1417]

I watched your video a good few weeks ago. And this past weekend, I have finally seen the light and experienced this forgiveness thing. Its totally legit.. I AM free..