The power of listening | William Ury | TEDxSanDiego

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. William Ury explains how listening is the essential, and often overlooked, half of communication. His stories of candid conversations with presidents and business leaders provide us with impactful lessons, such as understanding the power of a human mind opening up. He asks us to join a listening revolution, and promises that if we all just listen a little bit more, we can transform any relationship.
William Ury, cofounder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, is one of the world’s best-known and most influential experts on negotiation. He is the coauthor of Getting to Yes, the bestselling negotiation book in the world, and has taught negotiation to tens of thousands of people, has consulted for dozens of Fortune 500 companies, and has served as a consultant to the White House. An internationally sought-after speaker, he is also the author of seven other books, including two New York Times bestsellers, Getting Past No and The Power of a Positive No. His latest book is Getting to Yes with Yourself (and other worthy opponents).
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@cocoacoolness]

I never realised how bad i was at listening until i actually tried to listen better. It's great because when people can see you're actually listening they open up more and trust you more.

[@johnnyxhusbands4921]

How do you actively practice?

[@samuelbigirimana6048]

Hello William. Thank you for good presentation. Listening revolution. I am with you

[@tarawalsh7045]

Yes, it is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another. In therapy, therapists learn (good ones anyway) the powerful healing that simply allowing another person to speak and be heard has. That is really the core of our core connection with each other, a seed that slowly grows into the flower of friendship.

[@asilikarainima3977]

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[@abhishekbaswaraj6624]

​@@samuelbigirimana6048 k

[@NewMetallica]

Stephen Covey really covered it all in one quote: "Listen with the intent to understand, not with the intent to reply"

[@angelaluna4401]

Best Ted talk ever. Thanks

[@tarawalsh7045]

That is a great truth. Thanks for that!

[@danadamn5931]

I am so happy that this is a part of my homework, this talk was impressively good, I actually never listened to somebody so intentionally. It was extremely interesting, thanks a lot to William Ury

[@bnavya14]

Why to listen: 1. to understand what other thinks 2. To connect with other and they feel they are heard 3. They will listen to your point also 4. When someone is listened truly, we can listen their unspoken words and feelings 4. To understand the word unsaid, to understand the feeling unspoken How to listen Focus/spot light should be on the other person than us while listening Listen to self,Before any talk, take few deep breathe, you will go in awareness mode You will not react as you are aware of your emotions You should give full focus to that person No distraction thing that time Don’t speak until required Give full attention to other person They should feel they are heard Be a true listener

[@dalehilltopfarm]

Certainly one of the most effective Ted Talks I've listened to on KZbin. Outstanding.

[@hamdullahbayram1961]

Dale Myers o

[@letitiahill2982]

I absolutely agree with you...

[@christianmcdonald7746]

i could not agree more!!!

[@Thadalt]

i see what you did there

[@afgFreeform]

The hardest part about empathic listening is the ability to leave your ego at the door. This guy seems to have mastered that one...

[@rhondaspencer]

When we LISTEN, we validate the worth of the other. Bill says it so well. If we could all learn to truly listen, I do believe the world would be a much more peaceful place.

[@dometilavillafuerte5783]

F c.

[@jayveeamolato9429]

True!!

[@tedbkd1]

Rhonda Spencer NOT listening is the most overlooked cause of mental disorders

[@madelynsuzuki5771]

Rhonda Spencer sontrue

[@SuperLammens]

Rhonda, you listened well but didn't read well. His name is William, not Bill

[@VenDacheusa]

What a great Professional Speaker sir! You modeled many more things like public speaking, listening, storytelling, how to open a speech, how to narrate, how to conclude, how to create content, how to deliver the content, how to compose anecdotes, and how to use anecdotes, and many more... thank you so much form the bottom of the heart

[@liemhuynhthanh7599]

His English sound good. Because I am Vietnamese, and listen to TED Talks are so harddddd, this is the first video that I could listen every single word. Thank you

[@sanailayasawa318]

Liem Huynh Thanh z

[@lindaturner9680]

I enjoyed his style of presenting. He speaks slowly so we can really understand him. When deciphering a second language, it's always difficult to understand when people speak rapidly. It is the same with visual communication. I can express myself in American sign language (ASL), but have a hard time understanding complicated messages from those for whom it is their first language. Sentences are not grouped as written or spoken English. Can be frustrating!

[@lutherprater8243]

YES

[@Shafiullah.S]

I'm indian but his English easy to understand me as well

[@vietmom-monannuocngoai7129]

hi Thanh, I am Vietnamese too. it is nice to see my people who listen to the same person as me.

[@KeiterMediationLLCOklahomaCity]

This 16 minute video is without a doubt the most powerful TEDx talk I've ever heard. William Ury shows what really listening to others looks like, why it's so hard to do, and the powerful benefits of listening!

[@randiaz95]

love they way he speaks, very calm and collected.

[@PursuitofPossibility]

You don’t talk your way to the top. You listen your way there. What a great talk!

[@marlonyt7225]

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[@pavelrahman4314]

''Listen to the human being behind the words'', superb! Of course, I myself will try to apply all of the points in my daily life.

[@shengkae2182]

He is amazing and i truly enjoy his speech. Thank you!

[@rora8503]

The listening is so true. When I really pay attention and listen, I feel like my mind connects with the others on a completely different level. It's like all ideas and thoughts I have fit perfectly like puzzle pieces together.

[@lesliecapalac5037]

The gift of being heard, that sounded nice when Ury shared that. I personally am guilty of not being so good at listening and have work to work on it. I love how he shares the good that comes from listening on how it builds trust, connection, and an easier way to get to yes between two people. *snaps

[@maureenschloskey8320]

Thank you for carrying the torch and being a staunch advocate to the power of Listening. It's a truly human language that we speak, and I will walk side-by-side with you in this listening revolution. I'm honored to know you and to follow you.

[@mspussthecat]

This should be taught in schools. Thank you, Mr. Ury - I'm all ears!

[@jaskirat9042]

After a lot of time of failure I finally figured out the problem with me. I want to speak not listen I'll try my best to start listening

[@ROHITYADAV628]

Best of Luck for new better start

[@rosaroja4208]

I am the same way. I know I need to change. I never let people stop talking when I catch myself jumping in. I always feel like if I don't speak at the moment, I am gonna forget what I want to say 😩😟

[@larix77]

Same

[@lillady7900]

Me toooo i dont want too be this way anymore im really trying to connect with my man we've been tpgether for a few years and its gotten worse and worse between us . I guess im still not communicating my desires to truly know what he needs and wants from me ,mto him

[@honeysunday]

This was assigned in my social work class and I thought this was brilliant

[@colleencallahan3170]

My highest praise to you, sir; I fully support you. It is refreshing to hear you speak so eloquently of the power and the great valu e of Listening. Thank you!

[@leewhalley6161]

This is literally what they teach you in person centred counselling active listening it changes everything.

[@jemartejero7536]

Truly, active listening can create an effective means of communication. You are giving opportunity to the person to be heard and understand his or her emotions. Great content!

[@gcwosny]

Listen is harder then looks like. Amazing. Simple and deep!

[@ronjones96]

I honestly can say this is one of the best Ted Talks I've listened to on KZbin. Absolutely Brilliant.

[@RossCreations]

I love this dude

[@killercheff1148]

RossCreations I watched this after viewing your video... this has really helped me!!!

[@patriciaoffer9585]

RossCreations Your comment expresses your love for this video's speaker, William Ury....

[@cobrapate]

AYOOO I came here from a homework assignment and found Ross.. wtf

[@RydogLabs]

im watching this in class right now and just randomly see a ross comment 😂that's hilarious

[@dancarrison9354]

Me, too!

[@philomath67]

Some of the best national interviewers are those that let the interviewee talk. I saw a good example of that the other day with Piers Morgan being interviewed on Fox News. The interviewer didn't try to steal the show.

[@MaryClaireArgonsula]

thank you so much Mr William Ury... This really inspired me, May God Bless You Always... Continue to bless others by sharing this wonderful words of wisdom... 😊😊😊

[@anasabariz]

Palestra maravilhosa, de a delicadeza de quem sabe o oficio de escutar. E uma frase que vou trazer comigo: ESCUTE O SER HUMANO POR TRÁS DAS PALAVRAS. Gratidão por compartilhar seus ensinamentos!❤

[@JuliusJLevy]

This is one of the greatest truth ever spoken on this or any other platforms. I talked about this in my organisation for years and some think I’m mad. If we only listen some more. My primary school principal once told me “A good listener becomes a good learner” Thank you for this

[@sabrinalai2147]

This argument is very upright and full of hope! I love it! Thank you!

[@cynthiafriedman2534]

With those who are powerful with listening (& patience)nothing changes. Even though, i.n my small world I will still continue to listen w/o expectations or an agenda. Thank you for this important TED talk.

[@alexandrepalermosimoes]

Only when we engage in genuine or active listening, we permitt ourselves to cacth what the other is really trying to talk about and also some important things that the other believe in, even if not expressely said in his or her own speech. We listen to the sometimes hidden interests or needs, we give a chance to understand the other and to create common ground for more understanding. It is always wonderful to listen Bill Ury!

[@stephaniedrown203]

thank you for giving me the opportunity to listen to this wonderful speech. i especially related to the part where Mr. Ury emphasises the importance of listening, really listening so that you can hear the human beneath the words. i agree that we often focus on what we are going to reply instead of listening to waht is being said or shown us. i vow to listen harder!! An excellent speech by a warm, sympathetic speaker.

[@thamizhi6819]

I really clapped. Listening to his speech will really have positive impact in all aspects of my life

[@ParitimeSchool]

🌹🌹🌹🌹 He who can do this... Has the whole world with him

[@IsaacJuniorL]

Outstanding! We really need to listen more, I think that by this way we can figure out what someone is really needing, just by the power of listening.

[@tarawalsh7045]

I was married to someone who always talked over me. I have never been considered at all meek or quiet but after awhile I realised I just gave up trying to talk. So, I then found that, over a time, several people described me as a 'good friend' and I think I was though I didn't think we were friends. Not one of them could have said two things about me beyond my name and the colour of my hair perhaps. They talked a lot and never listened or showed any interest in others. I knew every minute detail of their lives. But that was their major talent in a way: talking. At least they were both good storytellers but I knew I had to get my own voice back or feel alone and isolated forever, which is awful suffering, esp around people. I am a sociable person, care about people, I pay attention, I remember things and respond to what they are saying or feeling. But, of course, I also wanted to have a friend and as soon as I tried to speak to either of them they talked over me and I had to just leave and disconnect from them. For a long time I wondered if something I was doing was wrong since I had never had this issue before. One day it just struck me that I wasn't doing anything wrong but, in fact, listening and responding, paying attention is a valuable social skill. I think every one has to learn this in order to learn. From when we first start school we have to learn to be quiet and pay attention. I am so happy that there are others that value this skill and know that developing it is the key to genuine connection with one another.

[@preranakc4196]

Amazing!! Great talk with such a smiling face. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@paristhefoxx]

What an outstanding message.. The power of listening 😁

[@JesusBelieverDiane]

I have shared this video at my agency. I also shared it on facebook. Right now with all the conflict going on in America all we are dong is defending our side of the issues. We need to share this everywhere

[@diptigbhadra7265]

Thank you for SUCH a wonderful, enlightening talk.. one of the best TED talks ever in my opinion! I have been looking for how to improve my listening, and listening to you is such a good start!

[@yadanarkyaw284]

Thanks for your talk show. We forget the listening of power. Anywhere people encourage talking than listening. This video gives me about listening. Not only learning English but also gives thinking.

[@hiteshlamba8535]

One of the best talks on Listening. My teacher Guru Nanak said, if you can master art of listening, you can even trick death :)

[@Ten-ol7nc]

How it can trick death? Please elaborate

[@anneboyle2951]

There's no tricking death

[@voidisyinyangvoidisyinyang885]

yes a good book on the secret of listening is "Taoist Yoga: alchemy and immortality" - it's free online

[@shannonnolan7002]

👍 Like he said, to be a really good listener we first have to listen to our bodies. And if we listen to our bodies, maybe we will discover inconsistencies and prevent illnesses?

[@fikaimu]

Listening is without the double most important skill in communication skills. Many of us know that but still find it difficult to put in in practice enough actually. The part that he mentioned we have to truly listen to ourselves first for the better listening was eye-opening for me.

[@MySoulSessions]

So good! Beautiful delivery and a powerful message. The subtle art of listenning has the power to change the world. Thanks Ury!

[@user-mu9ox6ll7n]

I love not only the content but also the way he delivered his speech. He really knew how to make others listen to him, and I can listen to him for hours 😊 Such a powerful TED talk!

[@Rnurse1000]

It’s unbelievable speech. Thank you so much for emphasizing the importance of listening skill. I really learned a lot on your speech and to be honest with you, I failed my english test before,but with the help of my listening skill, I realized that it is really essential to develop our listening skill.

[@kansasvmax94]

My god finally somebody else that sees the true disconnect of the "connected" era we claim to be in. The skill of listening has proven to be one of the most powerful tools in my career and life that I could ever use. Great TED talk to LISTEN too.

[@maxwellranasinghemx622]

Prof. Ury your presentation is great. I read your book "Getting to Yes" more than 20 years ago. I really helped me to negotiate and also to teach many others about the principled negotiation. This Ted talk further enhances the knowledge and skill that I need to improve. I recommend all to have this vide played before any serious discussion takes place to take a decision i as we do not see good listeners now in boardrooms and other forums formed to take vital decisions

[@lubatista4119]

Que delicadeza, que profundidade. Foi um prazer te escutar!

[@AhmedGamal-np1yr]

It is not just a great TEDx Talk; it has one of the most significant introductions ever, which hooks you up to the video during the first minute.

[@janellwagner7008]

My son listened to this and had to take notes on it for homework and it is helping him to listen more!

[@PatrickMemoli]

This guy did rise communication's standards at his very top level!

[@user-pu5ce4ig5e]

My teacher showed us this in class to discuss and it was honestly life changing

[@florinpopa8638]

Thank you for a very effective talk. Indeed we learn how to speak but really how to listen. "Listening is often the only thing needed to help someone". Again thank you William Ury!

[@amandaromana]

Muito obrigada por compartilhar com tanta leveza, clareza e objetividade. Sem dúvida a dica é muito valiosa e importante para todos os nossos relacionamentos: escutar! Que nós possamos escutar cada vez mais e melhor o outro.

[@painfullyhonest]

This is a great place to start and he speaks to something called restorative practice and restorative justice as well as Compassionate listening as well as conscious discipline. Listening is a start and the language we use in response to what we heard is THE KEY. Certain language has to be used to determine if the person is in a place for deepening questions or just needs to feel heard. That's the tricky part that he is needs to talk about in his next red talk.

[@digitalmarketingempire4280]

Listening is a true powerful skill that must be developed through practice . Thank you for this amazing talk

[@Deepa16]

i will listen this again.thankyou .,mr.william ury.

[@minhtho3]

I feel like I have a problem with listening, because I only feel energetic when I am talking in a communication.when I am silent to listen, it’s really difficult for me because there are many questions and thoughts on my head. I am really disappointed about myself. But this video gives me motivation and knowledge for a change, for the clearness of my weaknesses. Thank you Ted and the speaker for such a life treasure lesion

[@wajihaahmed3470]

Outstanding. I usually struggle listening to people and I am actually trying to become a better listener, so glad that I came across this.

[@paulbrucker3345]

He's a great talker and not just a great listener. Comes across as extremely likeable.

[@arlinegeorge6967]

Most powerful and useful talk so far watched. Revolution of listening ! Thank you, bless you . All all your dreams come true. .

[@dharmendratiwari9452]

Joys in his eyes, solved his on mind. . As i think this is part of meditation,awareness of thoughts, and he practiced, understood and applied.

[@cleanindiereadsreviews4144]

I absolutely loved this! SO timely!

[@vishwaparikh9281]

One of the best tedtalk i have ever listened. Absolutely enlightening.

[@michelepennacchio4020]

Very inspiring. He is also enticing listening through his smiling attitude...

[@dorothylazovik7178]

Thoughtful and inspiring! It is the key to being truly present and I, like you, believe it is the greatest gift we can give to both ourselves and others. Thank you.

[@tarawalsh7045]

Oh wow, I just wrote that in another comment. It is the greatest gift and allows us to be wholly present with one another and ourselves. That is why good therapists know the powerful impact it has on people just to allow them the space to be heard. That is half the work done and we build from there. Best to you.

[@alancox2347]

This is one of the absolute best TED talks you can every listen to. But, if you just listen to Ury nothing will change. Fo forth and listen. :)

[@ansariazeez1327]

Urry, explains the value of being heard and listen to ourselves and others ... Listening is all about how we treat people 👍 One of the biggest gift to human being is to be heard. ..❤️

[@medicalthinker1880]

Listening is key to end up any conflict , misunderstanding, misconceptions, confusion, and to increase the power of understanding, personality development, so this is the power of listening 👍

[@victorderojas3816]

I completely agree with William Ury's speech, the power to listen is even stronger than the ability to speak. Not only for the negotiations, as mentioned in the talk, but also for our daily lives. William mentions that negotiations consist mainly of listening, not speaking. Good negotiators are good listeners. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening help us to understand the other, it helps to connect with the other human being, it helps us build rapport, it build trust, it shows we care, and it helps us to get yes. We are accustomed to listen as we think of ourselves (we agree, we do not agree), (what am I going to answer?) We should listen by putting ourselves in the other person's place, and paying absolute attention.

[@vedantgore1604]

Thank you victor I got the summary from you🫡

[@naatchiarvel]

Truly needed forever. I have been trying to improve my listening skills everyday

[@applelee6895]

Great talk. Really inspiring. It definitely made me think of my own listener qualities!

[@mtm00]

Sad that it needs to be said ... and I am full of appreciation for his commitment to peace and sharing it.

[@taydatay8571]

Exactly how I build most of my relationships with people just listening it gets me a long way I promise

[@wayward03]

I wish I had noticed earlier that I am not doing a good job at this. Probably going to take a lot of practice and work to get good at it.

[@lialukman6475]

Thank you, Mr. Ury. Very inspiring.

[@sahndrathinks]

First of all. Your voice is so soothing. Thank you. 🙏🏾

[@cactus9067]

I’m doing master’s programme away from my home country, being surrounded by such insightful classmates from over 25 nationalities. Here I am struggling to hear what they say in class, and I thought it was because of my poor English proficiency. But this video made me realize that I tried too hard to listen to their words and not their unspoken words. Also, my mind must have been very busy with trying to cope with the situation and what I could respond to them, which preventing me from actively listening to them. I’m sure it’s not easy to practice what’s said in the video but I would love to try out and see how it goes! Thanks for the great lecture!

[@arslannazir23]

I listened this with full attention... it’s great to listen actively

[@Hugo411]

The best result of this Practice? Discovering and Uncovering who is the Narcissist in your Orbit. I now need a Ted Talk on how to communicate when one party dominates and is a full-on Narcissist .

[@dawnthompson9149]

His voice is so clear and consiece

[@ahmedhamdy19933]

thank you for your great efforts hoping to listen to you again ASAP

[@anandbgrowthcoach]

Amazing Video!!!! Most helpful as part of the Heartfulness Comnunication Class that I am taking. William Ury is an amazing person for sure.

[@jordaniamarques3182]

Palestra incrível! excelentes dicas, que com certeza ajuda muitas pessoas a evitarem conflitos desnecessários apenas com o poder do ouvir. Até o momento William Ury é o melhor dessas palestras que já assisti!

[@gauravrana537]

Hlo iam from India

[@saifulcrisl]

imagine a world where everybody emphatically listens to each other to understand the need of each others...

[@Julius_Paul]

I purchased GETTING TO YES many years ago. William Ury is second to none regarding negotiation tactics. His personality is an added bonus - calm, straight forward, minimal emotion. Most speakers use varying degrees of passion to "convince" the audience into believing their theory, to "sell" their theory, but not William. Speakers that rely on heavy underlying passion are doing so because they feel the "need" to sell their concept . They are worried the concept cannot sell itself. They lack confidence in the concept (regardless of how confident they "appear"), hence their underlying "passionate" requirement. Intellectuals to best learn from are people like William Ury - people who speak in a 'matter of fact' tone, efficiently, without meandering into tangents, and without having to convince with a passionate emotional voice or over-emotional gestures.

[@hannewulp]

Oooh, I love to hear this. Plus, he says it himself: quiet your own mind first when you notice you have a lot going on internally. Those highly emotional (passionate) talks are just not always necessary, especially in Ury's case. If it's true that we don't remember what ppl said, but we remember how they made us feel, then for me this is exactly how you describe him: calm and straight forward.

[@chiteshshivmohun3263]

Listening is the most powerful form of acknowledgement.

[@Anand-N]

Is it just me or William Ury's ears look different. Is this what is giving him Super human listening skills? This aside, thanks for this amazing Ted talk that stresses the importance of the most essential skill that we often take for granted - "Listening" If you see someone in depression or sad and that needs help...don't go and try to talk, but listen, listen to all what they have to say... It will take time before opening up, but wait and continue to listen

[@brenopg]

Excellent talk given by the master William Ury on this essential skill to negotiation.

[@melissad674]

I absolutely love this. It motivates me to listen more. Thank you!!

[@nasrinali2328]

This video is truly what I was looking for, amazing. Thanks for preparing such an informative and helpful video.. May God bless you and your family.

[@pacoaranha]

William Ury is a great human being before being an expert in any other area.

[@sarahbull9884]

I hear you. Thank you for helping me to appreciate the power of listening.

[@1mincoach364]

Love this topic. For me the importance of using active listening to improve communication is paramount.

[@thebestsongstorelax4810]

Mr. Ury your speech made a big difference in my life. Thank you a million.

[@taynafujishima7268]

Absolutely amazing! The most effective ted talk that I've ever watched on youtube. The world needs to know this

[@haremanupaulo8156]

Absolutely spot on, The power of Listening, Great Effort 👍👍

[@robsonserenlinhares9224]

Ótimo. Ótimo livro. Ótima palestra👏

[@sadiqabdi9045]

Absolutely important presentation, No doubt, listening help us prevent the stream of mind from taking us over. Thank you Willian Ury,