How to actively listen to others | Scott Pierce | TEDxBirmingham

In this inspiring talk, Scott Pierce shows us that “Yes, and” is not just the first rule of improv, but it also touches on deeper lessons that we can apply to our everyday lives. Scott Pierce is a born technologist, writing his first production code for his parents’ software company at 10 years old. Pierce worked as a software developer for a variety of companies before taking a technology leadership position at of one of the South’s largest ad agencies.
In his spare time, Pierce can be found working a stage as a trained improvisational actor. He likes to read, cook, and play with his cats, but he never combines cooking with his cats. He has climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, and by his own assessment, he is a mediocre musician at saxophone, guitar, and piano. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@theritual23]

I'm A chronic interruptor. I never realized it until I started hearing the other person on the other end of the phone exasperate as I'd not only interrupt but then go on and on. Then I started wondering why my friends stopped calling and it hit me they don't want to talk to me cause I never let them talk. I listened to this video and even books like it cause I want to change. A few things I noticed is I usually think I'm right and am looking for validation, I usually call them with an already made up mind about what I'm sharing with them, but I'm starting to understand and that everything doesn't have go be said. I don't have to fix everything and as the video said I have to give honor to others opinion and their reality and I don't have to fix them. I must sound so egotistical and opinionated and full of myself to others and that's not the case at all. I've always struggled with feeling accepted and feeling unheard as a child but at the end of the day no excuses. I want to talk to people and friends and the great thing is I've just started this journey and when I interrupt someone I notice it quickly and shut up until their finish. So I'm getting better, I'm gonna learn to listen as much as I loved to talk.

[@mikeydizme1]

Powerful. Thank you and all the best. My hand is raised too.

[@raijinsensei]

Thats how i am now i want to improve but i also struggle with finding the energy to put forth the effort to improve myself. I hate to say it but i really think im just a terrible person because i keep having this thought of “why should i improve or change for others if i barely even care enough to do it for myself?” Idk maybe im broken or theres too much wrong with me

[@MyBlissfulJourney]

That is such an amazing self reflection. I too am a chronic interrupter.

[@susancollyer6186]

I've done that & realized it was the way I grew up and I just was an excellent student! 🥰😇🙏

[@picklepirate]

I’m at this video because I’m going through the same thing ❤

[@lol-vo2yc]

As a horrible listener, this makes me VERY angry, so so very angry, but he’s right; without listening to the other person, giving yourself the time to pause to accept their reality, there’ll never be a bond. Just shouting independent POVs without debate or dialogue. I feel so called out, but I know I need this.

[@willclark1219]

I’m 8n the same boat with you, I’m about to loose a wonderful relationship because I’m so bad at listening.

[@scottpierce1279]

Hey, it's OK! Give yourself some grace; it took me years of active practice to even get the little skill I've gleaned. Be intentional in your listening; that's a good start.

[@sausagegabbagoochi1959]

I got the same problem where are you from must be up north thing…..Wait give me five seconds to except your reality

[@leeannakligis4393]

I feel you! I turned 33 yesterday and my goal is to slow down and listen 💙

[@sausagegabbagoochi1959]

@@leeannakligis4393 I turn 33 tomorrow 1989 must not be a coincidence guess that’s means we should grab a coffee ☕️ or talk about food or whatever you feel is efficient. But yea all jokes aside I really turn 33 tomorrow. Jesus age. Too funny.

[@georgeb8637]

3:52 - make your scene partner look good, avoid asking questions, be present, use details 6:39 - conflict results in lack of understanding 6:49 - we are just shouting - if we are presenting our own points of view 6:57 - when I can accept another persons reality - then I can communicate, then I can learn 7:22 - pause and breath when confronted with a point of view that I do not agree with (I reflexively want to deny) 7:38 - if it’s scary - then I can form a bond with that person 9:02 - I simply be present, what is their body language telling me 13:15 - it fulfilling to fully listen and actively listen to someone’s struggle 13:20 - it’s supportive, it’s healing

[@gracezhou7906]

So nice and amazing summarize! Inspiring!

[@georgeb8637]

@@gracezhou7906 Thank you Grace - you just reminded me to review this video. Have an amazing day

[@haleyhelphinstine]

Thank you for this!! It is so helpful

[@jasongarcia9452]

This is what I'm struggling with now in a relationship and it hit me square in the face. The pausing part is amazing and a true. I will listen to this to bond with my partner.

[@scottpierce1279]

Jason, there's also an interesting therapeutic exercise called an Imago Dialog that can help give you some structure to those kinds of conversations. You might check it out. Full disclaimer: I'm not a therapist, I've just done a lot of therapy :D

[@jasongarcia9452]

@@scottpierce1279 Thank you I will check this out...

[@HB-lc2lu]

I’m struggling too with listening

[@papaslider6079]

I feel like I have been ruining my relationships with others, throwing away everything they tell me, because often, what people say to me goes in one ear and out the other. I keep amounting this to stress, because I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression since late high school. But I think I understand now that it through my constant obsessing with what I’m going to say and how I’m going to make myself appear likeable that I’m not being myself. As a result my self-confidence and self-respect have plummeted, and my anxiety is worse than ever. I know myself to be a good person, and that is reflected in what my loved ones and friends say about me. But I’ve noticed a disconnect between what those loved ones say about me and how I act when I’m not around them. And I’m starting to think that my constant anxiety over making myself appear like that person is preventing me from being that person. I never thought about clearing my mind and tearing down those biases so that I can listen, accept what people are saying, and respond with whatever is natural. For the first time in a while, I feel like I understand how to be an active listener. Just stop trying to listen, and listen. Break it down to its core components. Yes (accept) and (respond).

[@scottpierce1279]

I'm so glad you were able to pull something of value from my talk. Give yourself some grace as you do this work!

[@jerryweajs]

Wow. This is so apt. You just narrated "ME" and gave me a solution. Thank You

[@scottpierce1279]

@@jerryweajs glad you found value! Pass it on :)

[@larissavia6969]

THIS SPEECH IS SO VALUABLE! I've done improv before and not only was it amazing and hilarious, but it transformed my life - just what he was saying. This was after a 6 week course. It flipped a switch in my brain to present, listen, build not destroy the space...I miss improv!

[@scottpierce1279]

I'm biased, but I think *EVERYONE* should take an intro to improv course - for this exact reason!

[@MuxiangP]

I thought improv was to help us become funny too, but after attending some improv classes, I realized that listening, improvising, collaborating, and supporting the scene partner is the key meaning of improv. Great talk!

[@eab174]

What an important teaching. I'm beginning to learn how to let people make mistakes and fail, and to give them the space and encouragement to grow from it, and to find joy in that process. The Miles Davis story is a beautiful example.

[@scottpierce1279]

I absolutely love that story. Miles was such a strong, fiery presence. I couldn't imagine what it would have been like for Herbie in that moment!

[@alibeaumont-filder3185]

Thank you for opening my mind , and making me truly realise what I need to do in the future.

[@DragonflyTodd]

How has this worked for you?

[@derekhauffe7197]

Excellent, Pierce!

[@ladymiranda]

Have been researching and actively studying listening for the past few months, and maybe by now my mindset has shifted, but it was so nice to not have too much of a sentimental talk (coming from someone who is veeeeeeery sentimental) but more so technical and fun. Thank you!

[@user-me6zu1gs8j]

can you help ne please

[@tokozamuimo]

Starting this tedx with miles and herbies story is so iconic 🖤

[@thanhtu-nguyen5426]

Thank you Scott, for me, its a most beautiful talk I ever had in my life. So inspring, thank you one more time.

[@jeremiestern]

Amazing video. Being a fond of improv myself, this presentation really speaks volumes, so thanks to this seemingly very nice and profound person for sharing his knowledge.

[@martha732]

This was brilliant! Give someone a note so they can sing a song!

[@rolveger]

Great speech. Great to think about the meaning of emptyness.

[@mariammassoudi8602]

Fantastic the way he connects improv to all the communication approaches out there! Valuable. Thank you.

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you!

[@preciousqasha1992]

What a wonderful presentation. I loved it! Thank you Scott Pierce

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you so much!

[@AdeelImranr]

thank you for this great talk

[@drtaraknathchattopadhyay1776]

Valuable speech.

[@daireks]

this presentation is super underrated

[@thepowerofhelpingwithreube4407]

What a story. Allowing people to continue in their flow when they are talking is so important. I talk about this in my latest video, but it's seriously something so important that I've learned through counselling training.

[@user-me6zu1gs8j]

can you help me please

[@thepowerofhelpingwithreube4407]

@@user-me6zu1gs8j with?

[@user-me6zu1gs8j]

l want speak English

[@scottpierce1279]

Absolutely agree. In workshops I've used variations of Imago Therapy's Intentional Dialog to help people build those skills

[@gblwk]

10:10 Amazing! Well said.

[@scottashe984]

After watching about 20 TedTalks over the years I've come to realize that anybody can showcase their own TedTalk.

[@milkymalk2963]

Great speech, painted the message like musical chords

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you! What a lovely way to describe it :)

[@DragonflyTodd]

How have you been able to apply this to your every day life?

[@brotigayen6858]

Great speech.

[@krishnadaiya2788]

Very direct and effective style!

[@vishnulande7202]

Great speech

[@soundhealingbygene]

so helpful

[@user-iv9nn4wd6w]

Great speech...

[@tylxr999]

Really glad to have heard this. Thank you!

[@janiceraj1]

This is by far the best way I have heard communication and active listening described. Genius!!!! Thank you

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you so much!

[@chandrashekharupadhyaya6530]

Great🙏🙏.Very interesting to listen

[@Mrmr27398]

why i can't find more content to this man, i keep searching and i got nothing

[@Metaphyical0samak]

Thank you universe

[@JackieLue]

Pierce, you have most definitely found your calling ;-)

[@dr.surendraparmar2336]

Thanks very much.

[@c.b.inalli1841]

Well explained

[@looli1327]

Worth listening to

[@mohdshahnawaz3864]

Absolutely loved this:)

[@user-me6zu1gs8j]

can you help me pleas

[@jettsetgirl]

The best Police interrogations always are with Detectives that are actively listening . They allow the person to speak AND they retain the information. No preconceived expectations of how it’s going to go . If they are guilty they will get tripped up when you ask a follow up question to what they said 10 minutes ago in their “story “ If their innocent it’s a recollection of the facts of what happened .. that being said always get a lawyer 😂 before you speak to the police

[@lavdoria510]

i need to explain active listening to my class and i wonder if the teacher will notice if i just translate this ted talk instead of making my own thing

[@scottpierce1279]

Go for it :)

[@gayatrigovalvanshinanda6921]

Well Presented Being active listener is the key.

[@Davidurla]

I started my Journey with Amazon in TRMS, damn this is one of the videos they showed on Day-1. Role is super Challenging, My Team is so Productive & Supportive. Work Environment is just Perfect.

[@scottpierce1279]

Wow really? I'm glad people are finding value in my talk!

[@rulerfragnite7836]

Excellent sir

[@meghanadharne7438]

Wonderful presentation thank u

[@AVIJITDAS-ty4ki]

Thank you sir very well presentation.

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you!

[@TH-eb5ro]

Great talk. I notice the reframing with a person who answers 'No' and then changes and sometimes agrees in their reply most of the time. It is as if they are verbally negating my perspective. It does cause me to doubt that they are listening and I do feel it is a power issue.

[@scottpierce1279]

Indeed! I really try to shy away from putting a value judgement on using "No" - it's a valid response in many situations! However, I want people to understand what *happens* when they respond with "no" and how it affects the dynamics between two people.

[@devarajuakil1068]

Thank you sir

[@ravidekani9300]

Very good session.

[@AnanyaSankarDebabhutiisthe]

Thank u sir

[@douglasheinl250]

Very good, thank you so much.

[@scottpierce1279]

Thanks Douglas!

[@DragnPiano]

I love the comment of emptying yourself!

[@raghulohiya3883]

Good speech

[@susancollyer6186]

beautiful

[@lt.r.b.chaudhary4328]

Wonderful presentation really very nice

[@meghanadharne7438]

Very useful presentation

[@dr.babasahebgore1665]

Very nice.

[@ramsesrameez5430]

When it doesn't means to you even you have spoken that words they were forgotten as you divert your mind into other process.

[@Gigislaps]

Great talk. Wow 😯

[@scottpierce1279]

Thanks Emily!

[@Sarvebhavntusukhinah1111]

Really wonderful video

[@archana_gamit]

good video on listening

[@hmgohilsanskrit937]

nice lecture

[@bennett2873]

I'm struggling with the concept of "acting" on it. What exactly does he mean by that ? Can someone help me to understand this part ? Thanks in advance!

[@hemantsuthar8110]

Thanks

[@BeeHappy968]

If not talking to someone (giving the silent treatment) is punishment, so is not listening.

[@shivu4654]

Thanku sir

[@tariqzk6964]

I don’t interrupt people. I know how to fake listen. But I literally and with all seriousness cannot focus with everything being said in meetings

[@bidhanhazra3071]

Thank you sir for nice presentation

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you!

[@shobhaahirrao1866]

Very interesting sr,👍

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you!

[@jeanjeune770]

Listen

[@naughtykids8697]

Nice

[@adithyaadiga85]

Very good video

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you!

[@hirjisinch973]

nice

[@dancar4906]

This was Goood.

[@masoodahmed5305]

Good

[@dawnqwerty]

I wonder if he watches Would I lie to you? Because that’s the only other place I have heard “i was soon disabused of that notion”

[@scottpierce1279]

I think I've caught a couple of episodes, but if I picked it up from there I don't recall it. Thanks for watching!

[@ItReallyIsiPOD]

I think that it's a fairly common saying. I have heard it several times and I haven't watched Would I Lie to You?

[@anyabey2222]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@aparnadas5277]

Done

[@Thetwinkly]

LISTEN WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS. YES AND?

[@darrensurff8554]

Thus accepting is true listening 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮

[@user-di4wn9rk4y]

Interesting session about listing -Dr Virenkumar Pandya BDK ARTS AND COMMERCE COLLEGE GADHADA

[@myrkaortiz1268]

My therapist sent me this video so here I am

[@5ashisbiswas7]

Engaging lecture.

[@scottpierce1279]

Thank you!

[@johncooper9727]

wait... What was Herpes mistake again? IM JK LOL, yes and how did that feel?

[@gypsyj2967]

He’s a cheese ball but I’ll going to hear this out

[@michaelsherwin3]

I’m about to lose my wife because I’m such a bad listener.

[@jamesscoza2840]

The thankful chimpanzee currently water because toad microregionally beg before a pushy archaeology. gray greasy great, aback halibut

[@bjustin1000]

YES

[@gypsyj2967]

Squirming with the cheesyness

[@biswajitpanda1363]

Thanks