That's A Major Red Flag! - Signs To WATCH OUT For To Spot They Are Lying | Vanessa Van Edwards

Check out my FREE 4-Part Confidence Workshop! - bit.ly/3fZcbO5
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Ladies, if you’re like me then your woman's intuition is something that could use a little help. We try to read people we meet and in meetings, but the truth is we may be misreading a lot of people and missing a lot of potentially great relationships.
What if I told you that you may be misreading as many as 26 people for every 100 you meet?
First impressions matter and learning how to read cues and verify if your gut is telling you truth or not is a skill we can learn and my homie, Vanessa Van Edwards, the charismatic human behavior detective and recovering socially awkward person, is giving us a masterclass on how to decipher the hidden secrets behind the smile, the handshakes, and quirky quirks that seem like red flags to run away from.
Dating isn’t easy, but we’re making it super easy in this 2 part episode by breaking down:
- What body cues mean ask more questions
- How to speed read your date (and yourself)
- What he’s hiding behind those dreamy bedroom eyes that you should watch out for
Learn how to confirm what your gut is telling you, master the art of connection, read his mind confidently, and never worry about being lied to again.
And, to make sure you’re feeling super confident, I’m including this episode with Linda Babock so you know the psychological tricks to winning any argument and negotiating like a total badass.
QUOTES:
“Your filters can mess up your first impressions.”
“Trust your gut instinct as I need to pay closer attention, but that's all it is.”
“When a red flag comes up, you are looking for a difference in the baseline.
“Your first word in your date, on your zoom call, in your meeting is actually the most important thing you can do for your confidence.”
“I like to take a Pollyanna approach to lie detection in that we should assume the best. We have to assume the best in people because if we do that, we are not going to get as many false positives and we're not going to see as many false lies.”
“Fear is contagious, but pride is contagious too. This is why charismatic people we're so drawn to them. It's because we want to catch their charisma.”
“When we check our phone, we accidentally go into the defeat posture.”
“If you think about negotiation as a conflict, as a battle, as a war, as like threats and as aggressive behavior is what will work, then you’re going to be in big trouble.” -Linda Babcock
“A ‘no’ is not actually the end, it’s an opportunity to discuss more and find a common ground.” -Linda Babcock
Follow Vanessa Van Edwards:
Website: www.scienceofpeople.com/
KZbin: / vanessavanedwardsyt
Twitter: / vvanedwards
Instagram: / vvanedwards
Facebook: / vvanedwards
Follow Linda Babcock:
Website: www.thenoclub.com/
KZbin: / @asecretagent
Twitter: / linda_c_babcock
Instagram: / thenoclub
Facebook: / theno.club.52

[@LisaBilyeu]

WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

[@sandy89107]

Two of my favorite ladies on the show together 🥰

[@justplayinggames963]

And how can I know if you're not impersonating to Lisa ?

[@ScienceOfPeople]

@@sandy89107 ❤

[@cynthiabelknap8655]

Where do we go online to take the class to spot the liar? It was mentioned on a previous video that there is 3 stories. 2 lies and one truth and we can try and pick out the liars. Where to go?

[@CupOfBeaHealing]

Ty Type is nu Khgkgkmy y I try hi I hiiiiii wllllll I love you so much and I hope you have a great day too and I hope your day goes great

[@AndiAlexander1]

This is perhaps my favourite episode of yours, Lisa! Really great. One thing though: Narcissism is NOT confidence. It’s arrogance covering up deep shame and seeking admiration and validation.

[@lanashowler5906]

Only took me 39 years to work this out.... Had i of known this earlier would have saved yrs of pain.

[@fiercelnu6985]

Narcissists are fuking good at pulling it off though

[@karinam4115]

If people ask me personal questions, I respond with “ I’d rather not say” since I don’t like asking people personal questions either, to me it’s intrusive. Everyone is different., definitely I am an introvert.

[@sherriflemming3218]

💯 Andi Alexander

[@hikaritakashi]

I am going through a divorce after only being married for one year. He had an affair for 8 months. I have never been single since I was a teen and terrified of being alone. But just 2 months it has gotten a lot better. When it first happened I wanted to die, but now there are only moments I feel sad. I was consumed, now I'm focusing on myself. Never ignore the signs, our intuition is a gift. Save yourself by saving yourself.

[@EritreanChic]

Good for you sister. The best is yet to come. Keep yourself busy and time will heal. God bless.

[@estelao.b.1473]

Good for you! Congratulations for being so strong. It takes courage to walk away.

[@richmarko8704]

Attracting a woman & attracting her in a way that makes her want a relationship with you, are two different things, next time watch for that . Hang in there :)

[@lanashowler5906]

You need to get into therapy and work on condependence. Xx he did you a favor and will make you search for answrrs but only whrn and if youre ready too do so. Xx

[@lanashowler5906]

And to love yourself more. And know youre worth as you xx

[@redleeks6253]

That first study was on Borderline PD but it's not like they interpret neutral expressions as negative but they can detect expressions 'in between', like 30% negative and 70% positive and they will detect the negative. That's not a misinterpretation but a hypervigilance trait. It was necessary for survival when these people were younger.

[@KTR__]

The problem is people care too much about others think. All this analysis of people and what they are thinking and feeling and how we "should be" is so exhausting. Just be you. Who cares what anyone thinks!

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

I might offend God if go to Hell cause I don't want to get married.

[@eileenstasczak6606]

I only care what God thinks and I've never felt so free!🙏🕊

[@howtosober]

Really and truly, the BEST thing you can do for yourself and your relationships (all of them) is to deal with and heal your attachment style and any related developmental trauma or neglect. Insecure attachment is the source of all relationship problems. And worse, insecure people attract other insecure people. Always a recipe for codependency and disaster. I recommend Personal Development School for this. Amazing channel, courses, knowledge, community, and just all around the best at attachment theory.

[@karenlindley.9756]

Why do we have a gut feeling and then most of us ignore these and surprise surprise we were right down along the line or very quickly. We like to ignore them a lot and give chances.

[@amandawarner8892]

@41:44 Am I the only one that finds Lisa’s inside giggles so adorableeeee 🥺🥺

[@LisaBilyeu]

Hahaha omg this made me chuckle 🥰🤣

[@tm9805]

😂 25:23-25 ❤❤❤

[@lilymalm7488]

Hi Lisa! Love your show and have been watching it since being discarded by my narcissistic ex in 2021. Your show has turned my life around and I’m eternally grateful. I’m wondering if you could do an episode on how to set and enforce boundaries with friends and co-workers who don’t do the bare minimum and leave your texts on read for days or even weeks on end? I find it so much easier to set those boundaries with romantic partners, but for some reason I’ve convinced myself I can’t afford to do the same with friends or I’ll end up not having anyone to turn to. Would love to hear your thoughts about it!

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

Caution when you do. Thousands will come outta woodwork to take advantage of your vulnerabilities to take advantage of your need to turn to someone.

[@bbjudyfit]

Me watching to make sure I don’t lie to myself.

[@RichPortQueen]

Fantastic subject Lisa! You're an amazing woman and wife. One of the very few women, women can actually look up to today! Thank you for sharing yourself with the world!

[@kristynholding4628]

OMG I have noticed that EXACT same thing when it comes to men nodding!!!!! I loved hearing Vanessa confirm this❤

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you for watching ❤

[@LH-tc6so]

I started this one by listening to the podcast on Spotify realizing this has to be a visual listen 🥰

[@EritreanChic]

I do the same thing lol

[@Chezzalicious]

Same 😅

[@jelizabethpetrie6656]

Totally true on the upward nod when men know the guy. Cause he acknowledged the guy by name at same time too. Wow, how cool! Love speed read cueing😊

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thanks for watching! :)

[@darkrebel123]

The other funny thing about the up-nod, is that there are subtleties to it, there is an almost dismissive version of it that communicates I'm saying whats up but not trying to stop and talk, like just passing someone in the hallway but you want to keep going. This one is just like a quick small movement. vs a more exaggerated and slower up-nod is more inviting and suggests an openness to strike up a conversation.

[@tracy3812]

RBF is much more natural than fake/over-the-top happiness.

[@justrosy5]

That whole "neutral face = read as negative" thing needs a caveat, so here it is: if it's just one person you're having that experience with, they're the only one who seems to have anger plastered to their face 24/7, then it's really not you, it's them.

[@RichPortQueen]

Vanessa Van Edwards...you rock girlfriend! I love your work!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much!! I appreciate you ❤

[@HeartOfLightning]

Great conversation, obviously fun for you both too 😊 thanks for all you share Lisa 🙏❤️ Behavioural science is fascinating, I loved VVE's book 'Captivate'.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Hi! Thank you for your feedback! We really appreciate it. We aim to create impactful and valuable content for the community. Your support means a lot! Have a wonderful weekend! Best, Impact Theory Community Manager

[@ScienceOfPeople]

So glad you loved Captivate ❤ Thanks for watching our video!

[@Cowface]

Vanessa edwards was the perfect person for me to discover right after my divorce

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I'm so honored to help ❤

[@cindym5896]

Vanessa is one of my fave guests! Thankyou for doing great interviews with her! Such helpful info!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

So glad you liked this one! ❤

[@user-qe9il1qo1y]

what is the Guest's full name.Thanks in advance

[@ligiasommers]

Love Vanessa’s work and books 📚🙏🏻🌷✨🙏🏻

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Oh I'm so glad! Thank you ❤

[@maritsmileee]

This video is exactly what I need today! Thank you❤️❤️❤️

[@LisaBilyeu]

Hey! We hope you found value in the video! Thank you for watching! We've got a lot of other insightful videos on our channel that you might enjoy! Have a wonderful Friday! Best, Impact Theory Community Manager

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I'm so happy to hear that ❤

[@diana.diamond]

omg she is such a wonderful conversationalist and a wealth of knowledge

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much ❤

[@beegee5305]

I had to tell my ex BF that I. couldn't be in the relationship anymore if he is taking his "little friend" (sneakily) out on date-like situations, dinners, lunches, texting all the time, parties that he said was going to be a guys night. He agreed then the next day said he wasn't going to get rid of his "friends". (I had no issue with any of his friends just this sneaky one...alothough perhaps there were more sneaky ones that I didn't know about). So that was the end of the relationship sadly. His disrespect became intolerable on so many levels. Do I wish I "stepped back for a bit" ...maybe... but his goal always appeared to be to wear me down verses really negotiate. It was a continual game. He would ghost me for 6 weeks at a time several times... so I had a lot of time to re-assess on several occasions.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Great episode!🙌🏻🫶🏻

[@kristalhumphreys4621]

I totally enjoyed your interview with your friend Vanessa hopefully you’ll have her back soon…

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Really glad you enjoyed ❤

[@antoniopolastri666]

Vanessa Van Edwards is the best

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You're too kind ❤

[@antoniopolastri666]

@@ScienceOfPeople 🤗🤗

[@akrawz]

Very cool. I find the head-nod greeting bit especially fascinating. It's supposed to be a male manifestation, but I do it all the time. I work a male-dominated job in a male-dominated industry, and while I enjoy being female and acting female, I've found myself greeting new people in passing with the downward nod. If they appear to be leering, I typically add a lowering of the eyebrows. I think using these typically male gestures is my way of being friendly but not to be intimidated or smitten. So they see a woman, and the woman responds as a man would. I never really thought about this before.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Very interesting! Thanks for sharing =)

[@BQ900]

Great video with 2 of the women I respect and admire most!! ❤(how on earth does Lisa not interrupt? It’s so hard for me. (Trying to gauge when it’s my turn to talk in conversations by watching her do these interviews)

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much ❤

[@gayletherrien2849]

I love it when a guy rolls his sleeves up exposing his forearm...

[@mgschnootz]

I love these videos! So thank you for this content. I would love to see or be referred to one of these videos on how to better interpret remote work relationships. I'm taking a step back but that would be helpful information since there are a lot of remote workers. Just a thought. Thank you.❤

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you loved this content! ❤💕

[@gravy3907]

alott of info to load or ignore but thanks for the interviews also i love your ww mug :D

[@realtalk675]

She is a great guest

[@ScienceOfPeople]

❤❤

[@ruthdiaz1598]

All I know is people now a days are too judgemental . As long as u are secure with yourself your not gonna care or be concerned with how people perceive you . If they're it really interested in getting to know you they would. Instead of making up some fabricated idea of who they think you are some people are very judgmental and ignorant.

[@AJMuma]

Vanessa Van Edwards is just epic

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you! ❤

[@maryjanegibson7743]

In the 80's the Mary Kay cosmetic company would teach their saleswomen to smile whenever they made business phone calls. I didn't work for them, but met several of their people who tried to recruit me and I always found their voices to be falsely cheerful and it made me not want to work with them.

[@asunnywebb]

Nodding and hardening my lower lids are my punctuators. That's hilarious. No study necessary. My son hates the hardening of the eyes when I'm scrutinizing his stories.

[@tinahurley743]

Thank you!❤

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You're welcome! Thanks for watching ❤

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

I used to have hart frame non prescription eye glasses.

[@HouseOfHeaven-ix9vx]

Great video

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thanks for watching!

[@xchrysantha]

I would love to see these gesture studies done on queer people because as a nonbinary person, even from like age 3, I very clearly bounced back and forth between "male" and "female" flirtatious/peacocking gestures that were discussed from 32:10 to 34:12. I always noticed that feeling of delineation between when I was acting more masculine or feminine because they were such starkly different feelings, but I don't really know why I employed those ways of being.

[@marleneg7794]

This was for me.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

❤ I'm so glad you enjoyed!

[@niamhodwyer1999]

My ex used to make a fearful face at me after we had watched a scary film. He knew making them faces caused fear in me. Which he repeatedly done. Than blamed me for my reaction. My body was telling me cues and he was exploiting that

[@1CrackedActress]

1:13:14, they are talking about my relationship with my manager/workplace. I've know it for a while because it's unrelenting.

[@allythearts5439]

I already sense when something isnt right with someone That gut feeling women do have I tend to ignore mine Yeah i cant afford to do that anymore. The entire time he was cheating & liying about basic ass questions anything i questioned and my gut was telling me right the entire time. What a shame that i did not listen. Oh well i will take the L.

[@JesusLightsYourPath]

Eh, most people dont show the judgement on their face. They often pretend to be friendly but they're judging you.

[@c.a.lootens3805]

@25:32. Yeah, but that fear study was in a clinical, controlled environment. Can we really assume that we can "deactivate" the fear response in every day life by just labeling it in our heads as "fear"? I don't know. We should try this out in our natural environments and see what happens. But what if there's real danger? Those of us with CPTSD and the like may have a hard time distinguishing, say for example, a well-meaning person and a malignant narcississt. Our fear controls are screwed up as is. And our trauma bonding response can be very very real. It takes an almost superhuman person to be able to simultaneously read, respond, and react in such a graceful way as not to engage in a fear-based interaction. Maybe more sitting in mediation and non-attachment is the key here.

[@angelalynn4225]

Interesting

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thanks for watching!

[@berka0807]

Question on the sideline: why dyou emphasize your eyebrow so heavily with makeup when thats exactly the part on the face that you said you should pay attention not to raise/move strongly?

[@tomasvoldrich]

What if you do no gestures, you do not know what your face is doing, mostly poker faced , not sending any cues, making eye contact for the shortest time possible because you´re autistic . Colleague at work often think i am sad or misinterpret my voice tone as angry when none of it true. How can I convince someone about learning about me just from taking literally of what I say ?

[@angelm6497]

Hot Buttons - my x used to use one; he'd just says "You are in a C*** of a mood!". Steam would e coming out my ears, q because I hate the C word and usually it was becuase he had done something that pushed another button. Never been happier since we split; despite the mess I was left in.

[@nitalopez6288]

😊 I am talking to someone on the internet and how do I know he is for real? There's been no face to face except by me.

[@Jaythecook]

make a video call, if he always come up with excuses not to take a call.Then run

[@beegee5305]

You talk about Narcissists being really confident... actually everything I have read it shows that Narcissists are actually very insecure! So which is?

[@cloudcastellio9617]

She is a little British rebel archetype. Very cute.

[@stillmaninmotion6081]

I feel like my intuition is usually wrong lol

[@sammy_lynn]

The head nods are obviously general, in the black culture, because we're interconnected we nod up to other blacks even if we don't know them. I've noticed I nod down to white men and that makes sense. You acknowledged me but I'm still not sure you're safe. I'll nod down like howdy folks. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@KM-nq7ez]

Interesting comment,coming from a white woman here…. So would you say your less trusting of all men than you are of women? Like on a “ Trust scale” 😂 would it be like for example I feel most comfortable/trusting of 1. Other Black women 2. Black Men 3. All other races of women…. 4. All other races of men except white 5. White men-last? No offense intended just find your comment interesting. Also just wondering what you mean by all black people are interconnected? Do you feel the black race is more interconnected than other races and if so why?

[@jocelynford4209]

⁠​⁠@@KM-nq7ez So just speaking to my/black culture, when they mentioned the head nod, I chuckled because it’s certainly a term of endearment from black man to black man😊; in addition it is also a form of greeting in general in black culture if you should run into a person of color in public that you don’t know. The head nod is pretty much saying “Hello, I see you”. That is what the former commenter meant when she said we are “interconnected” as a race. It’s an unspoken gesture & greeting. And depending on how comfortable one feels, the head nod movement can be up or down. As for head nods to other races, agreed the head may be a downward motion to acknowledge that I see you but I don’t fully know or trust you. Hope this brings more clarity to your questions. It is more so about comfort levels. Side note: I love the explanation and differentiation of head nods in other cultures. I noticed those diff gestures in others. It now makes more sense (i.e. the side to side head nod).

[@richmarko8704]

No no no Miss Vanessa, you keep sayin, "recover "ing" but, you have studied to show yourself approved, so it is , "recover "ed " ;) . Yes, your right about the man nod thing, i have been noticing that for years.

[@annetcell-ly4571]

Hilarious. Dating over 60 has a different checklist. Dentures. Balding. Slippers? Overweight. Urinary napkins. Sleep apnoea? Don’t overthink your youthful date. Things could be worse.

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

Someone please like me.

[@nataschaencinosa7935]

Loves this episode. I wish the video titles would be less centered around men, I’d probably watch more videos 🥲

[@travelchannel304]

Women aren't visual like men are. They HAVE to learn it for survival around other men.

[@BQ900]

😂Then I’m weird. 50% of my reason for marrying my husband was he was hot!

[@mariamrashid6403]

1st ❤

[@LisaBilyeu]

Woohoooo!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

❤❤

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

I shouldn't be loved.

[@jonstersmall2716]

Agree

[@fetishmagic2419]

39:35 gagged her a bit

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

So when I knock Love Gut off his bicycle, he should look at me happily.

[@NimmyGierlinger_88]

He is a married scammer getting jailed for multiple crimes and robbery

[@Dove225]

Sorry ur wrong just because you had a bad relationship in the past has nothing to do with the current. What goes with the current person is the issue not the past no one will ever tell me that my instincts are wrong. This is how you learn you learn from the garbage that you’ve been through and don’t ever say your woman worries too much. Maybe you don’t worry enough.

[@DJ-fh7xn]

Guest talk too much

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

I used to have hart frame non prescription eye glasses.