The 61 Best (CLEAN) Jokes Ever

My favorite jokes and puns :)
SUBSCRIBE (it's free!)
bit.ly/SWTVKZbin
Like Stuart Petty on Facebook!
bit.ly/SWTVfb
For collaborations and business inquiries, please contact me at [e-mail]
A 2018 Stuart Petty production.

[@StuartWhitakerTV]

Trust me, I don't know why this is getting views. This is a terrible video I made for someone and it was so bad they didn't want it so I posted it. Jokes on them, though, because this video got more views than most of their videos. Weird xD

[@charlottewhite7065]

124,000 views!!!

[@jokesfromtheinternet4535]

Well applause to you any way Stuart! Nice delivery

[@jackbusby9602]

1. A. Why do elephants have flat feet? They get that way from jumping out of palm trees. 1. B. Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between 3 and 4:30 in the afternoon? That's when elephants jump out of palm trees. 1. C. Why are pygmies so short? They went into the jungle between 3 and 4:30 in the afternoon.

[@staceywolfcheek1640]

I love this video. I go to work and make people laugh. These are great!!!!!

[@mikecrews2713]

It's funny really 😂

[@thegoldenrule7359]

#55...Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married? The ceremony was okay, but the reception was amazing!

[@AndrewVelonis]

Yeah, we heard him say that.

[@ems5637]

Today a man knocked on my door asking for a donation towards the local swimming pool, I gave him a glass of water

[@taes_sugakookies1016]

Thats actually funny lol 😆

[@nozibuzematwa8689]

😅

[@bluetangfish7541]

Is it bad that i already knew an unnecessarily large number of these? 😂 *_HECK NO_* i live for this

[@moniquekirkpatrick5685]

As do I

[@kwennjiezl7650]

"what's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot" 😂😂

[@jaydenroyalcarribean5733]

Crap

[@xosophiaa20]

So corny while this joke actually made me crack up😂😂.

[@jokestime4119]

lol 😂

[@markmkizrahel2364]

@gachahell hahahah your corny

[@avery-xs6km]

My friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down

[@jokestime4119]

Thanks for spending effort to make clean jokes.

[@johncrosley1]

Two parrots sat on a perch. One turns to the other and says “Can you smell fish?”

[@bbyfloofie]

Me: Im gonna step out for some air be right back. Everyone else on the airplane: 👀

[@julianmojica4839]

A blind man walks into the bar... And a table... And a chair....

[@szymonole7839]

There were 2 fish in a tank and one said to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

[@markesquivelarvizu6942]

What did the doctor say to the invisible Man ....I can’t see you right now

[@TheAutumnWind_RN4L]

Your delivery was everything, man.

[@ryanmacmillan8419]

These are so wholesomely terrible

[@ProNorden]

These (most) really are excellent. Well done on the selection! These are mostly near-one-liners. Any chance of a few longer-form jokes in a future video ?

[@exzisd]

good wholesome jokes but timing, and inflection could make the delivery better

[@FrostBiteHimSelf]

Yra

[@sophiacain-betton9902]

Don't be rood

[@TrialAndError8713]

Mostly what I call "Dad Jokes". Wonderful!

[@adrianbradley8513]

A piece of rough string walks into a bar and the barman asks him" Were you in here yesterday?" The piece of string replies" No I'm a frayed knot!!"😂😂😂

[@xosophiaa20]

Stuart, Each and every joke is corny while funny at the same time😂. I enjoyed watching this video very much! Well done and keep being you!

[@D33Lux]

3 was good. "What's the difference between in laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

[@unpleasantcakewithtea8331]

This channel is underrated

[@bronzemen34]

Here’s a true story - The TV in our lounge room was awfully loud and my grandmother was getting some treatment from the local nurse who had visited her that day.....anyways - she screamed at me in her old woman croaky voice to turn the TV down - so I got up annoyingly - waltzed over near the TV set and was just about to turn it down - when she said “ahhhhhhh that’s better - Thankyou boy”...........me: 🤔🤔🤔 That was almost 40 years ago.....a wonderful funny memory of her ❤️🔥

[@meanbunnyonyt]

Dad jokes and puns! Can we have another one?

[@moniquekirkpatrick5685]

You forgot , What do you call a deer with no eyes, no idea

[@tommywilliam8439]

And what do you call a deer with no eyes or no legs? Still no idea😆

[@jamaicaguanzon6716]

What did rudolph say when he lost his kid? "oh deer!" What did he say when he found it? "deer you are!"

[@James130141]

I've just had a stairlift fitted. It's driving me up the wall.

[@meganclose4418]

Where do you find a cow with no legs? *where you left it*

[@jackbusby9602]

What do you call a cow with no legs? * Ground beef

[@TheDylls]

Straight flex... Love it

[@kashe8023]

When when you realise the comments are actually funnier than the jokes

[@ProNorden]

These (most) really are excellent. Well done on the selection! These are mostly near-one-liners. Any chance of a few longer-form jokes in a future video ?

[@KeiraManning]

No the fact I never thought they were that good.

[@gracet7159]

Here goes, its an old one, but someone may not have heard it.... Why does Tarzan yell ? Because when he beats this chest it hurrts

[@gracet7159]

Sorry...because when he beats his chest, it hurts ..lol

[@unclecreepy4185]

2 blonde girls walk into a bar. You’d think the second one would have ducked. 2 fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says “do you know how to drive this thing?” A priest, a rabbi, and minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, hey, what is this? Some kind of joke? A woman was naked in her room about to get dressed when there was a knock on the door. “Who is it?” “The blind man.” Since he was blind, she didn’t bother getting dressed before opening the door. “Nice rack, where to you want me to install these blinds?”

[@Ojennifofenni]

Your body language and facial expressions make it even funnier

[@unclecreepy4185]

How do you there was an elephant in your fridge? Footprints in the butter.

[@milmascars]

I like the two muffins in the oven joke

[@LawrenceKennard]

I'm going to steal quite a few of them😂

[@gauts3070]

Lol these are so funny the person who doubted you is crazy cuz these are amazing jokes... and the guy who ever said this channel is underrated it’s so true you should have a million subs.

[@kahayagsaadlaw]

The carrot, not listening to mum ,the glue..😂

[@nala3038]

From now on, when people ask why I’m not married, I’ll just it’s a supply chain issue.

[@dwaynegreene152]

Man someone ripped this word for word in the same order.

[@usernaame316]

it went from wholesome to dark to silly to so bad it's good, all of them. i love it lol. 7:25 ʰᵃ ʰᵃ

[@markesquivelarvizu6942]

What did the nurse say to the doctor when he got angry that his business was slow… You have no patience

[@bobby3704]

bro you did excellento ... that was good performance you had me on some bustin up

[@ThePhobosAnomally]

This is the best !

[@palisade713]

Bonus joke: why did the cow cross the road? To prove he wasn't a chicken 😂

[@ProNorden]

Got some fun Christian content here too. Way to Go.

[@derekanthonyfarmermusic1559]

Jesus Saves but Pele scores on the rebound!

[@diddymuck]

don't get the stormtrooper buying an Iphone.

[@rachaelb3077]

LOL I love all of these I told my sister the Europe knock knock joke and she thought it was so funny!

[@PhoenixShip]

The muffin joke is a family favorite.

[@TheAutumnWind_RN4L]

I love that joke.

[@autoteller]

Here’s the one that made me laugh the most. I want to die peaceably in my sleep like my grandfather…… Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

[@taes_sugakookies1016]

Wait- WHAT???

[@autoteller]

@@taes_sugakookies1016 It’s one of the jokes from the video. I was telling which one I like the best.

[@taes_sugakookies1016]

@@autoteller ohhhhhh

[@taes_sugakookies1016]

@@autoteller ohhhhhh

[@cccandyman52]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the armadillo that it could be done!

[@jackbusby9602]

1) Why do elephants have flat feet? *They get that way from jumping out of palm trees. 2) Why is it dangerous to going to the jungle between 3:00 and 4:30 in the afternoon? * That's when the elephants jump out of palm trees. 3) Why are pygmies so short? * They went into the jungle between 3:00 and 4:30 in the afternoon.

[@strawb3rrykitt339]

The chicken is a man who was suicidal, so he was called a coward or a chicken, so he crossed the road to get to the otherside meaning death.

[@StuartWhitakerTV]

Oh dear.

[@inmiseryseekrootbeer4966]

Strawb3rry Kitt3 ok then

[@bigyeetmydudes5005]

The "other side"

[@marycorrick4706]

I liked the one about the antennas!

[@elliejoanna5925]

pause and laugh. pause and laugh

[@punkichick]

34/B. What did the wall say back? Dumb Bass 😂

[@meanbunnyonyt]

#22 got me to lol

[@StuartWhitakerTV]

Liz Sheppard thanks for watching Liz!

[@newbyk]

The dwarf that was a patient!!!

[@-LightSmit]

This is a summary of good jokes built up scripts….

[@misstee101]

We need a lot of nice decent clean jokes like this....

[@zacharysiple783]

Preach.

[@rosiesworld8064]

Yeah ikr.

[@forvsj4171]

I use them at school all the time.

[@bigyeetmydudes5005]

Yes!!

[@geraldfrost4710]

there are some funny dirty jokes, but since the audience for jokes tends to be young people (and dads) I tend to try to keep it clean. "What did one saggy boob say to the other? Oh look! A talking boob!" is funny, but using muffins is more appropriate.

[@IbrahimIbrahim-kq1fq]

Who is this guy? He is so good at ruining jokes

[@lachieholding1361]

Good job

[@theironninja314]

So me and the 3 kids i stole. (All under 10 ) Stef: the well one and lip balm Ava: the man who ran a mile and got lost Erin: elephant in a tree. Me: elephant in fridge 😂😂😂😂

[@usernaame316]

i like this video. wholesome :)

[@MrTimboy40]

LAAAAAMMME!!

[@Ojennifofenni]

Did you come up with any of those?

[@joshkingi4625]

Awesome Mate Gud 1

[@davereith54]

The thesaurus joke!!!

[@gunnyhighway007]

Why did Princess Diana, cross the road?... Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt....

[@sydneyjohnson319]

This is awesome great job most of them are my favorite so I couldn't pick

[@TKGIOIA]

Great fun just for kids!

[@lindokuhlerainet3089]

I didn't want to laugh because people are asleep but I couldn't help it.

[@georgiaman1926]

Why did the chicken cross the road?...................To prove to a possum it could be done.

[@jtsandiego4626]

🤣🤣🤣 Funniest jokes EVER!!

[@lukemcpherson9271]

y dont my suv rpm mph work? because my bose audio system is still turning up!

[@bettykilfoy354]

Excellent very funny loved them 😀good job😉

[@liaalfonsinapimentel2304]

I love 💕 jokes 😁!

[@sorelsuareztube]

Outlaws are wanted! Wahahahahhaha. Oh my!

[@jackbusby9602]

I'm gonna tell that one to my wife's dad the next time he calls.

[@livingalaugh3574]

Hi , really like your jokes ! And how did you get started ? Any advice for someone who like to share some jokes ?

[@oldirish59]

#10 1 or 2 ? 1 or 2 ? best one !

[@jasona9]

3:23 #29 🍇 “what did the green grape 🍇 say to the purple grape 🍇?” BREATHE! 😂🍇😂🍇😀

[@joshuawalker8585]

Ornery

[@wildnjokes]

Funny jokes there 😂

[@Ojennifofenni]

Who is bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Biggers baby?...Mr. Biggers baby cause he's a little Bigger

[@johns9245]

All, You guys may also like Best Family-Friendly Clean Jokes from "Jokes Time". Please check-out.

[@pauldobran6069]

I thought the best joke was about the two Hunters

[@vincent_hall]

49 is very sensible. Good policy.

[@joshsoto8669]

Damn you got whole squad laughing

[@StuartWhitakerTV]

Yeah I deserve that. xD

[@dirty_paint]

THE RUNNING GRANDPA GOT ME CACKLING ON MY WAY TO WORK

[@FryedSaw]

Knock knock who's there? Achoo Achoo who? Achoo... plus vodka 🚨💪📝😒

[@vickyreyes1157]

Sally got hit by a brick

[@gamerplays2917]

Mysterious

[@claudeknowltonactor]

He's so cute!!!

[@V-Worry-2-Much]

I got one guys. Stephen hawking walks into a bar…

[@kadenpopp16]

Some of those are hilarious, others are incorrect answers to a riddle (An elephant can't fit in a fridge, neither can a giraffe, don't believe me? I dare you, try it in real life), and the rest are serious things (like death) that you shouldn't joke about.

[@paulr6887]

#10, How many Opticians

[@jaydenroyalcarribean5733]

Crab jokes

[@IONAPINKMOXIE]

I liked 'em!

[@adinathav9337]

The jokes are cute, but what makes them cuter is you ( ◜‿◝ )♡

[@stvrrlight7]

Wtf

[@hawkz7635]

Uh......

[@christinarogers3695]

As a blind person I think blind jokes are funny because the sighted people always get uncomfortable around me like, “am I allowed to laugh?” My favorite one is: Why was Helen Keller’s child blind? She kept feeding him with a fork.

[@unclecreepy4185]

What did Helen Keller’s parents do to punish her? Rearrange the furniture. Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she was a woman.

[@geraldfrost4710]

What's black and white and has fuzz inside? a cop car.

[@roachv7296]

Bruh my uncle loves the fristone lol

[@daredevil6145]

Outlaws are wanted...... And.....lol.