The Abandoned Self - 7 Ways You Self-Abandon

[@amberm5626]

Don't you think a big reason we get stuck trying to figure things out is because of the cognitive dissonance? Like we cannot even tell we are stuck because our brains cannot make sense of the nonsense from an abuser?

[@allywolf9182]

Yes, agreed.

[@Vanes218]

Yes, definitely. For me, the continual replay was Cognitive Dissonance causing me to reevaluate the validity of her neverending criticism and character assassination of me. The abuser(s) lie and distort truth to where they damn near drive you insane, hence the perpetual thinking, or rather repetitive backtracking in order to uncover/discover the truth as we know it to be. Being scapegoated and blamed for all their failures and problems deserves our observation and attention because here lies the difference between reality and deception.

[@brightnesslight542]

1. الاحكام عن نفسك 2. تجاهل مشاعرك 3. جروحك الغير معافى 4. ادمان للمسلسلات الشراب 5. تحليل كل شئ 6. عالق بقصة في عقلك 7.نلزم الاخرين بالتغيير لكل نشعر بالراحة بالسعادة

[@starlingswallow]

I just started a new job. The things I've said to myself in my mind~ ouch. I've been having an inner tug of war with old tapes/lies. A big part of my mind says "I can do this! I _am_ doing it!!" And the other thought pops up, "I can't do this..."😳😖 and I'm tempted to collapse or run! But I CAN and I AM doing it~ and *well!* My parents were very busy and critical. They didn't support and encourage me as much as I needed. Then I married a man who severely neglected me. Critical and NO support or encouragement for 14 years! That's why at 40, I'm still trying to _feel_ like an adult And know that I can do things and do them well ❤️ I'm getting there, thanks to you, Michele! ❤️💕

[@abowling5759]

I’m reading Pete Walker’s book now. Thank you, Michelle, for bringing these issues to light.

[@suzannem8265]

I’ve never understood this term at all. This was wonderful, I have to play this video daily. Well explained, the last point was very perceptive.

[@angelmossucco]

Thank you profoundly for listing unrelated bullies, teachers, grandparents etccc as impactful of our subconscious poor coping beliefs .

[@johnmcvicar1947]

You have mastered the short, enlightening presentation, colored with a Hopeful, uplifting Tone. Includes signposts, sensitive story-telling, effective hand-gestures, gentle voice. Masterful.

[@ralphrex9118]

Totally agree - good job.

[@jowyschwarz313]

I love my mom, but if u ask me to abandon myself i will not.. Not again, now i'm already broke, i fix myself slowly from self abandon, self hate. This things make me understand, true love is unconditional

[@davidimes]

You so described my life! Intermittent reinforcement, ghosting, gaslighting and blocking triggered abandonment trauma. This lead to overcommitment and self-abandonment, trying to save the relationship

[@ralphrex9118]

Outstanding, this is not new but the way you present the info with your gentle cadence makes it easy to assimilate. When you described the abandonment of addiction it reminded me of my father leaving me alone in the car for hours while he was gambling and now abandoning myself when I am acting out my addiction. It just always seems too painful to go there without the addiction, I guess groups will help. Thank you, your perspective is invaluable.

[@MaestroMaxim]

You’re doing well! Keep going and being a master in your field.

[@ryangrundy4290]

Narcissists and psychopaths can’t self reflect because (ironically) there’s no self. They are always reflecting though. Scanning the environment, reflecting all feedback from it. Whether it’s people’s emotions, reactions, little gestures, insecurities, power, control... whatever it is to maintain that moment to moment sense of continuity and pseudo existence.

[@anufdo9554]

One of the best videos in abandoning yourself …. Mind blown

[@JanJan4Infinity]

Bullies, narcissistic mother, middle child, black girl in the suburbs known as ‘different or an Oreo’, dealing with inappropriate advances and/or SA, busy parents, toxic cousins, self harming… 🥹 yeah it gets pretty lonely. My inner child been needing me: and I am going to get the help I need. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@jamiestumps6146]

Thank you Michelle, awesome video, the content is so thought -provoking, sometimes I’am afraid to go here, but I’m so glad your advice helps me do it one step at a time. It’s good to face our fears. Thank God for you Michelle, your such a gift.

[@edgreen8140]

Unforgiving superego Ignore feeling (no action discharge'- no business) Seeking others to heal abandonment do inner child work!!!# i Plan on reading his book. Put yourself first.The narc uses action discharge to cope. I seek internal insight.

[@GuitarAtWork]

Super!

[@prolificprofoundpoetry5381]

Thank you Ms.Michelle I’m aware of these things but somehow I still sabotage myself because It was my coping mechanism when I was to young to have a choice. It sucks that this circumstance is put on people and we ourselves be a blanket to someone else out of fear of loss and desperation. (Just my experience)

[@ekkamailax]

I feel like narc survivors have an honorary PhD in psychology

[@fairygurl9269]

She Ain't Lying!!! Thank You 💕

[@andreawaltershake]

Wow 😯 This makes A LOT OF SENSE! Thank you 🙏🏼

[@LibertyCairde]

Thank you!!!! I needed this message!

[@Josh-pe5pl]

Michele, Your self-abandonment message seems like it would also apply to children, in that parents could encourage their children to heal as they go so they don't emotionally abandon themselves. I don't know if this is something u wd cover here, but am wondering if I'm on to something?

[@parrotshootist3004]

Seen more parents encourage splitting/abandonment/avoidance behaviours, simply because it makes things easier/'right' for themselves.

[@huanjin5202]

Your voice is very beautiful

[@karlteai3699]

That video just blew my mind ! Thank you ! I got great insights from that ! Sending you many blessings :)

[@orisatalabi]

Excellent content! The volume level is a bit too low, but each word resonates loud and clear.

[@angelmossucco]

It seems to me that people who choose to internalize the behavior of the original bully are not attracted to people who will have characteristics like the abuser. Instead they will be attracted to people who have characteristics like they THEMSELVES did, when THEY were children. In other words the person who Subconsciously copes by identifying with the abuser such as a cluster B personality is actually drawn to someone who is more like the adult child was when they were younger and unsafe. Whereas people who lean toward codependency end up attracting someone who is like any of their childhood abusers. Please comment on this distinction because it is very important for people who have identified with the abuser to not blame the current victim in their relationship as if that person is equivalent to the person who abused the narcissist or borderline person when they were young.

[@jonscott4123]

Love your channel. It’s hard to find people that understand issues like cptsd. Do you happen to have any recommendations for therapist who specializes in ptsd in the state of Michigan

[@huanjin5202]

Thank you for this amazing help

[@johnpaul2285]

Thank you Michele

[@shAiDawn]

This is really helpful, thank u. ❤

[@jwhalen111]

I appreciate you and appreciate your videos! Thank you! I love Pete Walker!!

[@mindbodyfitness99]

Great video! Thank you! Audio is very low❤️

[@Randomdude-i8x]

7 out of 7 thanks you so much!

[@paulinehanna2001]

This is excellent.

[@swanzilla1982]

I had no feeling just numb Before I got married I drank every night and had a lot of one night stands After I got married bought a lot of crap to make me happy............. Did a lot of Over thinking told a therapist this she told me we all do this

[@izawaniek2568]

Another great video with priceless advice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :-)

[@laurynrose1111]

This video could be a great workshop idea 💡

[@elbareyes2838]

Very helpful. Thanks

[@gigilexi3949]

Thank you, Michelle! I requested the PDF download...it will be helpful.♥️

[@zion367]

I wonder... when is it okay to tell others that the way they treat us is not okay?

[@evadebruijn]

As soon as it is not okay for you, period. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. (They will try most of the time, get defensive and deflect or dismiss) ✌️

[@OutlawShelz]

Spot on!

[@nadiacavallini4728]

Great insight as usual! 💜

[@DeathBySlushPuppy]

What about depending on something outside of self that is dependable instead of just trying to look within ourselves and be completely self reliant?

[@alphaomega3766]

Abandoning myself is the only time I can have a moment of peace. He's mean and nasty. No matter where I go or how fast I'm going that demon is always there.

[@Pfsif]

That's someone else.

[@Andy-mm2us]

I guess the million dollar question is how do I stop self abandoning?

[@evadebruijn]

Agreed. I wish more video's gave a step by step guide on turning this perpetual source of pain around instead of only pointing out all the areas that are trauma driven behavior that keeps us walking in circles. The theory is clear, readily available in several video's / books / articles. How to give all this theory hand and feet? Where do we start? It is overwhelming. ✌️

[@survivorsoflies2448]

do you have a podcast michele? I'd love to know

[@longauldin462]

So true

[@CS.88]

I absolutely love your content, but I do have a question about the advertising in your videos. Do you have access to decisions on where they’re being placed within the videos? It seems like whenever you make one of your most crucial points to the video it gets cut off my ads before you even finish the sentence. In this case it was the part about being all up in our heads with why people do this or that and then immediately after the 15 second video took place it triggered just that in me. I couldn’t even focus on the topic at hand anymore bc it broke my intense focus on the issue so bad. It could also be my adhd with it but my anxiety went through the roof too. If there’s anyway to fix all of this where you can add it at the end of a full topic so people can process it during the ad, could you do that? Thank you so much! 💝

[@sarahvministry]

I do all of these. Yikes

[@melissamobeck4441]

Can I get rid of my false self?

[@nellen474]

Could depression be related to self abandonment? Im totaly stuck in my mind and thougt process for a year i was trying to understand what happend and why and how it happend ..and what to do about life in order to save my buisness..i thougt about it Soo much that i broke my mind ..it collapsed becouse i just couldnt understand everything and i felt powerless about saving my buisness..after that i accepted defeat and i just felt INTO Sever depression..now i totaly cant take care of my self ..cant make any decisions couse the decisions i made or wasant able to do brote my to this hell Im living .. i totally self abandoned my self ..i stoped showering, stoped going outside of the house ..cant work 😓 im afraid of going back to work feel like Im mentaly unstabel .. if i cant heal my life Will be ruined ..i Also used psycadelics and that myght have caused this

[@evadebruijn]

❤️❤️❤️🤗❤️❤️❤️ IMO the sheer exhaustion from always trying to stay afloat mentally can mimic/turn into depression Babywipes and dry shampoo ftw. And always dental care priority. Matted hair can be cut off and will grow back, but teeth are there for a lifetime. ✌️

[@donnalehman1832]

Hi Michelle. Thank you for this excellent video. I have a question. Could these things also apply to a person with BPD? I know 2 people with BPD. And this does sound exactly like one of them. Is that possible?

[@allywolf9182]

Yes BPD is a personality disorder along with NPD

[@donnalehman1832]

I do know that. This video was for survivors of narcissistic abuse. My question was about that. Obviously BPD is a personality disorder by its label alone. I have a close friend with BPD who endured extreme abuse as child by two narcissistic parents. I'm looking for things that would help her. She was my next door neighbor for 12 years when we were growing up. She was always VERY different from the rest of her family. She was by far the nicest one of them all. And the other neighbors all said the same thing.

[@allywolf9182]

@@donnalehman1832 ok. My daughter has BPD so i feel you. Yes almost all of this teaching will help her.

[@donnalehman1832]

Thank you. I'm glad that your daughter has you. Have you shared this video with her yet?

[@allywolf9182]

@@donnalehman1832 no. She is in DBT therapy and it seems to be working well for her. She chooses to limit contact with others because they are triggering. She is an incredible artist and beautiful person and highly sensitive. I adore her.

[@rosalindlively677]

Need more volume

[@lisabuckner243]

Sorry, bad sound, I can't hear....🤷‍♀️

[@evadebruijn]

🙏❣️ ✌️

[@crzamable]

Tu eres linda!

[@singinglion82]

This is good stuff