The Adult Guide to Shedding ADHD Shame (with Linda Roggli, PCC)

Adults with undiagnosed ADHD may come to believe - through decades of criticism and frustration - that we are fundamentally flawed. This shame impairs our self-esteem, our relationships, and our outlook on life. Tune in to hear Linda Roggli, PCC, discuss how to forgive yourself and leave shame behind as an adult with ADHD who lives unapologetically.
Download the slides associated with this webinar here:
www.additudemag.com/webinar/a...
Related Resources
1. Read This: Neutralize Chronic Shame by Understanding Its Source www.additudemag.com/slideshow...
2. Top Article: Crying, Screaming, and Hiding: All the Ways I Deal with ADHD Shame www.additude.com/dealing-with...
3. “Perfect Is a Myth” - and Other Self-Esteem Boosters
www.additudemag.com/how-to-ra...
4. eBook: Secrets of the ADHD Brain: www.additude.com/product/secr...
5. Neutralize Chronic Shame by Understanding Its Source
www.additudemag.com/slideshow...
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[@jjohnston5406]

There is nothing anyone can say to me that is worse than the things I say to myself. That hits home hard.

[@stellaglover6841]

Wow, this sure hits a nerve. Thank you for a great video. ADHD at 52 years does not seem real to some and they think I am making it up. Life is hard at times.

[@The_Vanished]

Undiagnosed or late diagnosed ADHD is the new way to discriminate people

[@MTPT_Superior2427]

It's reassuring to have finally found someone else diagnosed at 52. A year or so ago, I mentioned the possibility of me having it (I surely checked all the boxes for symptoms) to my younger psychiatrist who studied for her profession in the early 2000's. She is the youngest doctor I've ever seeked help from for my mental health. After I brought it up, she questioned that I didn't seem hyper & that I did well in school when I was young. (!?!!) I was shocked and disappointed that so recently the profession wasn't recognizing and teaching those who are entering the mental health field about this disorder. After getting to know me better, and being witness to some of my condition-related near-disasters, she wholeheartedly agrees I have quite a severe case of it (although she officially wrote the diagnosis as ADD, which I thought was outdated- I DO have some hyperactivity that she's never witnessed). I assume she continues to study her profession, I think all M.D.'s have to keep up with everything. She really turned out to be a great doctor, willing to change her views and not stubbornly deny my problem. But really, both of you are so on point about the discrimination and about us "making stuff up". What I constantly and infuriatingly hear from others is that I'm "just full of excuses" for being consistently late for everything and all of my other "shameful" behaviors. People just look at you and you can see them trying hard not to roll their eyes in disbelief when you do attempt to explain your private health issues! It feels horrible and frustrating to TRY to navigate through even the simplest things in life!! 😫

[@snowbird6855]

​@@MTPT_Superior2427 One thing you can remind people of is that in schools there's one or two with ADHD in each class and once they're adults, they don't disappear, they just mask their symptoms and try to blend in. Everyone knows a few adults with ADHD, even if they aren't aware of it.Not all anomalies are visible.

[@jamie.777]

I am 49. Suffer daily with adhd [I call it chronic adhd]. I was taking ritalin in 1982. Second grader, family doctor diagnosed me as a hyperactive child. It's 2024 and adhd impacts my life daily, mostly negative, with occasional super fun , out of this world fun and excitement. I have suffered addiction my entire life. It all started as the bad boy that ruined everyone's fun.

[@Exodus26.13Pi]

Can't fix mind, decades of misery. It feels like I reinvent the wheel of confusion everyday.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

8:31 yep!!! We get shamed for taking meds and for not taking meds or taking meds and it still not fixing anything

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

I never thought of it but when people say “that’s just an excuse” about our adhd, not only is it dismissive but it’s shaming.

[@angelas.goodman9891]

That hurts, whenever we are already feeling bad about ourselves.

[@danielleserrano8764]

This really hit home as I’m learning more and more of my later in life diagnosis

[@ThatADHDKid]

I've always felt tolerated not accepted in this world. Even in my family. This was a wonderful presentation. The shame we endure is deep and persistent. Just knowing that there are people like us out there and more people like me just makes me feel a little bit better. For once I got to hear everything that I wanted to say about the topic. You guys covered pretty much everything from the internalized shame to the family members who just don't get it or feel that it's just another excuse. My family would say everybody has problems we don't need yours on top of ours. So many people in my life have rejected me I basically become isolated and speak to anyone outside person I live with. No family and no friends. Just my dog and my kitties that's all I need. That nicotine and caffeine lol😊

[@breehogg2878]

don’t give up! There are so many of us. Keep looking for your ‘birds of a feather’ 🤗 🎉

[@snowbird6855]

I would be surprised if there were no others in your family with ADHD. With my daughter's recent diagnosis at 32 I'm realizing 2 of my 3 sisters have it and my mother had it! I'm quite sure my maternal grandmother too, given some of the stories my mother told (grandma lived abroad, I've only seen her twice).

[@Gary-tc7zx]

33, just diagnosed, this hits home. Going through a separation as well right now, life sucks. But I am hopeful that I'm on the right track finally.

[@adanbarajas13]

I’m 36 and I can relate of what you’re going through. I’m grieving a separation as well and it’s nasty the feelings and thoughts I have of me being the reason to failed, but I know we will go through it.

[@meijaMomma]

I am the only child (w/ADD) of a single mother (w/out ADD). I've always felt like a tremendous disappointment to her, and this video helped me understand our relationship better. Thanks for making it available.

[@jmbreece]

Thank you for this talk. I do the exact same things and feel the same way. All through my life. I didn't understand it at all why I was always messing up just when things were going well. I am 65 and only figured out a few years back that I am ASD and ADHD. Was diagnosed with depressive anxiety disorder when I was 18 but overcame it for many years. As I got older it got harder. I thought I would never retire but finally figured out that I can have a financial planner figure it out for me. My wife is also ADHD and we are quite a pair of goofballs at times. Once you understand what it is you can learn about it more and compensate and also be forgiving of yourself.

[@thomaskirkpatrick9494]

Ok I cried to this one ngl 🤧

[@thomaskirkpatrick9494]

And I love it

[@shelsea7245]

WOW!! This speaker is AWESOME!! Thank you!! I would love to hear her speak in depth about procrastination.

[@joeofoysterbay7197]

This was timely. Thank you. I've been wrestling with shame, especially over the past 9 days. This helps. I'm 67 and wasn't taken seriously until last year when I got a diagnosis and started getting help from a new younger doctor. They've made it so I can focus on the work I need to do to move forward. It's been a rough but good year since but I've had a hard time with shame after all the memories I've processed.

[@snowbird6855]

It will get better Joe. Knowledge is power!

[@angelas.goodman9891]

Yes! Ohhh! I did what your friend did. I went in on weekends and holidays and stayed late when I wasn't supposed to. I did have a supervisor that was an accountability partner and helped me. That is my problem, it is hard to ask for help.😢

[@paulmacneil8048]

Be careful with Linda. She and her assistant really hurt me a couple of years ago. I am still not quite sure what I did "wrong". I was pretty active with her program. I did some private coaching, the group coaching (and felt I fit in okay), the organization program, and participated in a blog she started (where I don't think I said anything bad). I have very sick husband and probably missed some social cues somewhere. Anyway I was cold shouldered and rejected. So don't get hurt. Be an Addiva and stay strong! Try not to get hurt even by those in the ADD field!

[@angelas.goodman9891]

I actually crawled under my desk several times to hide. Also to pray.

[@karenraedoll3064]

Thank you kindly for the replay. Tried to get on the Webinar this afternoon, but for some reason it didn't work. I really needed this. Is it possible to get an answer for a question I have on utube? If so, please let me know?

[@TheCombatartist]

64 years old and still battling the lifelong effects of undiagnosed ADHD (46). My wife is a HS counselor/MA LCT, etc and yet doesn’t understand the devastation caused by this “disorder” 😢

[@MsSparkles2012]

I can listen to Linda as she speaks ADHD language - More in depth talks please - or your own Channel @Linda Roggli ..

[@janpetsch620]

One of the best videos I have watched. So hard, normal people just think we are lazy, bad, screwups. Car accidents and shame. I have always had a bump or bruise here or there. Purchased my first new car I two decades. Totaled it two months after my brother died. Another new car. It is only 3 years only 30,000 miles Seven fender benders ( well six I don’t count the cayote that ran out). I t is beat all to hell. I am sooo ashamed.😢

[@snowbird6855]

Meh, don't be ashamed, drunk drivers need to feel that. You're a human being navigating your life as you're able and that's just fine 😉

[@fridayhunt7075]

56 years 😢

[@mohar1513]

My self talk has always been hard. I feel as though I have to be harsh with myself or else I will keep doing badly or worse.

[@gloriat3015]

I'm a single mum, I raised my daughter who I believe also has adhd. I have recently been diagnosed at 49 years old. Our home is in chaos. I've given up. I feel overwhelmed with life and I've kind of just given up because I feel I'll never be good enough. I feel like a massive failure in life 😢

[@rusticitas]

I used to hate myself when looking in the mirror, even punching it, and myself. It’s occurred to me recently that I haven’t done that for years. What happened is I don’t see “myself”. I see a reflection of that human known as them by others … but “I” am not a “person.”

[@mw2300]

Thank you so much for these webinars 🥰

[@greatmjones]

It’s over because I procrastinate and over think, taking my time to do everything…….and she’s partially right but that’s because I tend to get lot of things wrong. How do I tell what is caused by ADHD or me just being lazy? Is this why I think I have bad luck?

[@HIGHLANDER_ONLY_ONE]

I love this session - I'm learning so much - thank you ladies!!! However, in between, I keep hearing people whispering, and it's distracting. I apologize in advance, however would you make sure that on both ends, no one is talking to the host/guest, please? I have Misophonia, in addition to ADHD, ASD, OCD, Dyslexia, SDAM, and others, and unfortunately for me, it was painful for me to listen to this session - It was like nails on the board 😢 Thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏

[@rusticitas]

I don’t believe ANY of the positivity stuff. It falls flat to me and sounds like a lie. “Just believe it!” Yay.

[@edwong4178]

What if shame prevents someone from acknowledging and investigating their ADHD? I suggested the possibility of ADHD to a friend and it might have triggered his rejection sensitivity dysphoria, causing emotional dysregulation and him ignoring me.

[@nononouh]

10

[@salparadise1220]

My self talk is vicious. And I do screw everything up, regardless of effort put in to not screw up. And so, in the end, the search for evidence that, "hey, maybe there is hope", comes up empty so many times that it begins to be pointless to try yet again. At the end of the day it doesn't matter. I don't matter. 58 years of bullshit, pain and unhappiness. I thought maybe the diagnosis would be a new beginning, but it's just given my wife, and the relentlessly harsh voice in my head, new sticks with which to beat me. I don't have ADHD, I'm just an asshole.

[@Gary-tc7zx]

So sorry about what you're going through brother. My wife just left me, sent me a text while I was at work, 11 years down the drain like it was all meaningless to her. We are worth more than we know, and it's important to get away from people that not only don't see your value, but make you feel even worse. It's been hard since she left. But a person the treats you bad or devalues you has no place in your life. Not telling you what to do, but try to be around people that actually value you and love you and lift you up. Anyone that makes you feel like shit doesn't deserve you in their life no matter how worthless you might feel. I know how you feel I KNOW. Seek help, get meds, get therapy, join a support group. You are worth it, I know you are.

[@robinwhitman8840]

I'm going to be 64 and forever being ignorant to the real truth🌼🏵🌼🏵

[@robinwhitman8840]

All of the above

[@AK-vx4dy]

Shame & Lies & Shame & Lies.... viscous cycle... In the end someone ssy about it... so i can stop think about impostor syndrome or other diagnosis... Once i heard radio program for alcoholics, almost everything matched only i don't like alcohol...

[@sandrainontario6710]

I'm a recovered alcoholic and checked it out. People with ADHD are 5 to 10 times as likely to suffer from addictions at some time in their lives. Yes very similar.

[@sandrainontario6710]

Or was it the other way around??? LOL anyway you get the idea

[@AK-vx4dy]

@@sandrainontario6710 Yes i have. I mean that alcohol is not my addiction but i feel that i treat other people like alcoholic in some way high (or middle) functioning but still

[@AK-vx4dy]

@@sandrainontario6710 Thanks for response

[@snowbird6855]

​@@AK-vx4dy Bit by bit you can work on what you'd like to improve. Tell yourself in front of the mirror every night that you're just fine and you're lovable. Remind yourself that you're able to do some things that others cannot and you're worthwhile just as you are.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

11:43 your manager is like 20 years younger than you…

[@jamie.777]

! TOO LOUD ! Too annoying! 😢 thats me, now mix alcoholism and drug addiction with that adhd shame. 🤕😶😶😶