The ageing narcissistic parent. What do you owe them?

[@theglobalvagabond3074]

I realized in my late 40s that I was being manipulated by my mother all my life. I became a people pleaser and found it hard to say no. Also, growing up, I was the kid that always saved the day. Little did I know (how could I???) that I was being groomed to be her retirement plan later in life. Long story short, I have been paying her and her husband's living expenses for 15 years due to their continued self-inflicted financial hardships. No more. I'm evicting them both. It's hard, but I feel reborn now that I have figured out the agenda of people like this.

[@annwethenorth]

Stop. You're causing your own problems

[@bobsanderz3005]

Gross. I hope you ditched the leaches and are living a healthy wonderful life

[@whiteshadow59]

They didn't care for us when we were young and vulnerable, but of course they don't see that they ever did anything wrong. So if you don't take care of them they will think you're a horrible person. I struggle to deal with the fact that they can't see why you have reason to walk away.

[@ladybug947]

The worst of all is a narcissist mother especially one who’s extreme narcissist, Joan Crawford type mentality, horrible these monsters should be removed from rest of society

[@mgmail7279]

I can assure you if you do take care of them (which I made the mistake of doing throwing away 2 years of my life), they will still think you are a horrible person and you will have to hear about it all the time and hear others hear about how horrible you are - no matter how much good you do. The narc mother, if like mine, will only be happy when I am dead.

[@mgmail7279]

@@auroraborealis1663 It felt odd giving you a thumbs up on what is a painful reality to all of us! I guess we can at least partially laugh at that.

[@themonrovian8441]

Communication with them is completely meaningless. You don’t even owe an explanation, just walk away, guilt free. Anything else is a waste of time and energy.

[@misstanya7487]

@@themonrovian8441 I agree 100%. I have a narcissist mother and I went no contact for 10 years and now in 2022 this demon possessed being expects me to take care of her now. She keeps calling leaving rude messages when I don't respond. I am not interested even in just visiting and definitely not interested in taking care of her either. My brother maybe can put her in a nursing home. I am not going to be bothered with people like that whether they are related to me or not.

[@MaiDove3]

Staying away from them may be the most loving thing you can do. In Love, let go.

[@cmcnc]

My 91 yr old mother hasn't changed. I went no contact for a long time. A few years ago went back because she needed help. She's just as ungrateful and evil as before. Went no contact again. She'll never change. Nothing is her fault.

[@annwethenorth]

Nope. She won't. Run far away

[@blatevola01]

Thank you so much for this video. I've watched it more than once. I went no contact with my 88-year-old mother 2 weeks ago after trying limited contact yet still being verbally abused and gaslit. The abuse seemed to be worsening as she aged and I had just had enough. This video is a reminder that I did the right thing for my own mental health.

[@CDMButterfly]

Thank you. I just visited my father who is 80 and chose to cut it short when he started punching my car windows. He is now lying about what happened.

[@leighn.8670]

Just went for a visit with my 89-year-old grandfather and had to leave early / walk away, the abuse has just gotten worse, it's like he really has no control over it.

[@SA-ud9nf]

How did you do it to honor your parent by honoring God and having someone take care of them if you couldn't because you felt abused. It would really be helpful if you explain that. I know that if a parent is being physically abusive like the comment here where someone said that he broke his window to his car, then either he should keep away or check and see if he's got dementia. however, what if they're not physically abusive and more emotionally and verbally abusive and sometimes that can be quite scary cuz you wonder if they can become physically abusive if they start getting very old and start getting dementia or other issues. Thank you very much and God bless you

[@annwethenorth]

Honouring God is knowing it's not them. It's the devil in them. That's it. You don't have to pander to them. God knows.

[@heartsonghealingspace]

When a parent feels entitled to your care, instead of realising it is a loving gift from you, the result can never be good.

[@evonekky3672]

I've been staying strong with my no contact and it has changed my life for the better. Sure, there were times where I loved her and some happy memories. But the abuse overshadows all of that. I gave her so many chances to own up to what happened and to work things out. I gave her so many opportunities to be real with me, but she chose to continue living in denial. So here we are - i owe her nothing. Some people say "be the bigger person" and "you only have one mom". They apparently has non narcissistic parents. I don't let their words get to me. I am putting myself first and that's it.

[@sallyblatchford1585]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Same here! I waited until I was 62 yrs old ( a little over a yr ago) to go no contact and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. Mine was abusive in every way, physically, psychologically and I actually wonder about sexually as well. She did odd things in that way. Anyway, congrats to you for choosing you ❤️

[@evonekky3672]

@@sallyblatchford1585 it is never too late to take back your life and sanity. Sending you all the best in these efforts. They are a part of our past but they don't make us who we are.

[@sallyblatchford1585]

@@evonekky3672 you’re 100% correct!

[@chrislim7976]

I feel ill around my father. He has never even acknowledged me and now he needs help. I feel completely unhealthy and sick helping him. This is hell.

[@lilianfowler7988]

Then don't. The cortisol will injure your body.

[@annwethenorth]

Don't. Leave. Not your job.

[@chrislim7976]

@@annwethenorth It's not in me to do that. I took care of him and he passed last year. It was hell but I have no regrets.

[@phyllisbreese4289]

let yourself out of your own self imposed hell. don't let yourself worry about what's going to happen to him. he'll find another source of supply. they always do. leave him to his own karma.

[@conexaolondresbrasil]

He passed away ​@@phyllisbreese4289

[@sherriflemming3218]

We owe abusive parents nothing.

[@Mari-hb5do]

Imo, they’re the ones who conceived a child and used them as an emotional punchbag so you have the right to cut ties. All they were good at was covering financial expenses and even when I became an adult they didn’t want to let me go to university or live abroad while at it, other parents would be proud of their child being able to get such good experiences, not them though! And like my Empath Grandma says they seem like they want to toss me away now, yet pretend niceties. I already decided to leave them in a nursing home when they become old, they have more than enough saved in their pockets for it, so have them deal with it. I’m sick of the flying monkeys siding with them, I’m dropping them all and search for myself, go on my path.

[@messue428]

I dropped all of the flying monkeys and the narcissistic mother and found my way. You can too. Just make up your mind that you are worth it and save yourself.

[@janetsavona7590]

Good for you Everyone thinks that people have Carol Brady or June Cleaver for a Mother Not True!!!

[@sirrantsalott]

@Mari what’s the update after 2 years of NC?

[@cathycoats8607]

I just recently came to the realization that my mother is a narcissist. She is also elderly now and I’m dealing with this topic. She has me on a roller coaster snd i am feeling i have reached my limit. The letter is a good idea.

[@tnt01]

it is sad and difficult but you have to put yourself first. hugs.

[@annwethenorth]

Leave. You owe them nothing

[@phyllisbreese4289]

the letter needs to be followed up with no contact. you can't fix her but you can make her stop breaking you!

[@conexaolondresbrasil]

How're things going with you and you mum?

[@lindseyankers3790]

Thank you for this honest video. It’s been so helpful for me as I have just realised my mum was a this type of parent, though she died 18 months ago and I have never shed a tear, just felt relief and even inner peace that she’s I longer around. Strange x

[@mateomartinez821]

Not strange. Mines still going but will feel relief too.

[@joannabrites9857]

I can’t believe this video was here. Just got off phone with my own daughter who makes me feel guilty for going no contact with my 86 yr old mother. Her and my sister were gaslighting me to the point of suicide. When i conveyed what they were doing to me in an email my mother said she never even read the letter and my sister didn’t even reply at all. Also my mother started a fight between my sister and I and I was kept from going to my nieces week long destination wedding I already paid for. Thank you for clearing this up for me. It’s my turn to look after me!

[@MannyWC]

I don’t have one ounce of love’ feeling’ for my mom. She’s the one to blame for that. She wouldn’t let me love her, nor did she ever extend any love to me. I witnessed my mom loving my brothers and then my 20 yrs later sister. It is heart breaking when you wonder what is wrong with you, why aren’t I lovable.

[@heartsonghealingspace]

Sweetie, you are lovable! Take the love that you would have gladly given her and redirect it toward yourself. You deserve it! ❤

[@MannyWC]

@@heartsonghealingspace Thank you~ I have learned to love myself. I keep hoping for love from another human other than my two very loving sons. If that is all this life has to offer, I am definitely satisfied.✨

[@heartsonghealingspace]

@@MannyWC 💖

[@phyllisbreese4289]

you are lovable. she is the one who is broken. her hard wiring is messed up. her showing them love is an act just to hurt you. how sick is that. I wonder if they know???

[@MannyWC]

@@phyllisbreese4289 oh heck yeah they know. My brothers would use her manipulation to their advantage. My sister is in denial ‘ perfect family syndrome’. So sad.

[@JanGlow]

Thank you for this. It’s still really hard though

[@lucygoose6237]

How did I not make the connection - the lack of interest in the grandkids has bothered a few of us deeply

[@danaemccoy3868]

My mom is very “interested” in my grandkids; possibly because it’s another individual they can control. My mom is doing the same to my daughter that she has done to me. It adds another level of contact with my family. Now that I understand my families dynamic I’d prefer my mom not being interested and damaging my children!

[@elizabetha.coolbrith1062]

My parents also show very little in my children. In fact, they moved 2,000 miles away once my kids were born

[@pjf3837]

Old age and infirmity does not mellow them out. I don't get how they expect you to take good care of them while they still use you as a punching bag.

[@VidWatcher01]

Me & you both😒

[@shannonaaker6041]

I never seem to be amazed at the brazen attitude mine has towards me when she COMPLETELY relies on me for almost everything!

[@soultrick7474]

You saved my sanity. Was looking for info like thit so long.. long time even didn't knew how to even name all of this thing.

[@bethedifference7624]

My mom apparently wants to be loved by her children because she realizes how old she is. She wanted a clean slate between us. I realize now that was because she is unable to apologize to me. She's still manipulating situations, my children and my brother. She doesn't trust me, is keeping secrets and lying to me. My oldest boy came to me and feels broken because he's seeing now the brainwashing she has done to him. I truly wish I knew how to help my family. My other 3 children won't speak to me because of the lies she tells them about me. Now she's got my 2 daughters telling my oldest boy that he's playing the victim just like his mother just because he's standing up for himself and saying he's got his own opinions. I wish I had understood narcissistic behavior when I was in my 20s because my children would have never been allowed near my mom.

[@CourageCoaching]

I am so sorry for your experiece! It truly is heartbreaking!

[@EdoDoe613]

Yes! This is wonderful and I hope frees many. I haven’t spoken to the abusive harpy for years. I miss her about as much as a cancer survivor misses the excised malignant tumor. She’s been dead to me for years....

[@kameamepopcorn9660]

Hello from France. My mother is a covert narc. Now she is in her 70'. She made my life a living in hell. Since two weeks, one of my sisters is keeping calling me. Envelops inside my mail box. Knocking at my door twice. I did the grey rock. That sister of mine humiliated me sooooooooooooooooo much 3,5 years ago. And all the sudden, she does remember my name? F...ck that b.... ; (

[@Nabiyeni100]

I also went grey rock. I suffer from depression, anxiety and panic attacks because of the way she treats me. Periods of building you up putting you on a pedestal, the next thing you are being belittled, humiliated, gaslighted (you know the drill). The worst thing is when friends, relatives tell you to just forget it because she is your mother. I pointed out that this makes me depressed sad. They do not listen to all that, all they say, but it is your mother. I keep dinstance to protect myself. so basically my feelings and my well being do not matter but hers. So I totally get you.

[@Art-gb5ok]

@@Nabiyeni100 We will all die some day but you don't have to die from her illness.

[@bethcochran1104]

@@Art-gb5ok I needed to hear that today. I'm going to add this to my wall.

[@janetsavona3542]

You can always show your a better person and take care of them But that will be extremely hard My mother was never cut out to be one Extremely selfish No contact was the best for me But I pray God takes care of her and wish her the best

[@stephenehrhardt9455]

With all sincerity and appreciation I thank you for posting this video. I was physically abused by my biological father and mentally, emotionally and narcissitly abused by both biological parents as a child/adolescent, and this was after I was sexually assaulted by a clergy person. 7 years ago I decided to give them another chance only for them to lie to me, cheat me and not keep promises they made to me. I called them on their lies and abuse, where in turn they alienated me from the family, tried to blackmail and bribe me then blamed me for everything, just as they did when I was younger. Their actions caused me to lose my business, my life savings and struggle since. Four years ago I told them I want the truth, all promises kept and my financial losses covered by them 100%, and that I wouldn't speak to them until they did. They still have not done so, and after 4 years it's clear they will not. This absolutely proves to me everything you said as true. Every point you made at the beginning of the video is exactly what happened to me. I now see I shouldn't give them any more chances and disown them permanently. This is exactly what I am going to do. Again thank you, I am so grateful!

[@CourageCoaching]

Thank you Stephen for sharing your journey with us! I am so sorry for all you have been through!

[@mehitabel1290]

Old age does not automatically mean ill health. My narcissitic mother is 92 tomorrow.. She is fit as a fiddle and not remotely demented. I was completely NC for 7 years and now have very limited contct, controlled by me. I can't decide if my mother's great health and still sharp (but always destructive) mind is a good thing or not...

[@mgmail7279]

My mother 91 is also in excellent health and always has been - though she overeats and has never exercised. She lived a very comfy life though and being a narc had low stress since everyone else is at fault. The irony is that she destroyed my health with her abuse.

[@mehitabel1290]

@@mgmail7279 Yes, I had to make a conscious decision not to let my narc mother destroy my health. But I would query your assertion that narcs have low stress. Going by those I've known, in particular my mother, they live in a permanent state of heightened fight-or-flight. They do believe it's everyone else who's at fault, yes. But that doesn't mean they have no stress, because they're forever looking for the next battle. And to a narc, EVERYTHING is a battle. Indeed, my 92-year-old mother's only health problem is diverticular disease, arguably caused by many decades of living in a self-created high-stress state.

[@mgmail7279]

@@mehitabel1290 Could be. Every person is different. By "no stress" I meant my mother has never wanted for housing, food, the best of everything that she wanted, clothing, jewelry, international vacations, buying new cars and homes for all cash, never having to work, getting rid of my father since he died when she was 50 and she got everything. (And she let me suffer when I've been struck by illness and disasters out of my control without her ever offering an ounce of moral support, concern or help. Oh and holidays, she's too busy enjoying herself to wish me a happy birthday or anything else. I digress.) Those things I list at the start of this comment may be a given for you too, but if you ever do without all of them - especially the basics - AND have to deal with emotional abuse and illnesses, that's my definition of stress. Your mother sounds very different from mine. In any event, we've both had to suffer needlessly. Wishing you well.

[@t5l239]

@@mgmail7279 Yes my mother also. Ruined my health yet she's healthy at 87.

[@cmcnc]

My mother is 91 and beat cancer twice. Nothing is her fault. No stress for sure.

[@loissalton5619]

This video was excellent and it gave insight and confirmation on how I need to deal my narcissist parents.

[@Bre_travels]

You are descirbing me. My mother even stalks me and tried to bribe my daughter and I with money to keep control. Yet she always manages to apper to be the victim. I'm tring to relieve myself of the guilt from going no contact by remembering how resounceful she's always been with using ppl, money, good credit, lifetime health insurence, a nice place to live, car, and funeral paid for already by her former employer. She actually has it made better than I in that aspect. I want to move forward and focus on myself! Thanks for the video!

[@delagrazia]

narcs parents , no contact with you unless they need something or want to suck your energy(depending on the personality) Then i guess we need to totaly forget al about love and good relations Thats the hardest part

[@mgmail7279]

True. My narc mother recently emailed asking me for a very large sum of money for her to buy a house outright. She knows I have no home and do not have the money she wanted. She's a millionaire with plenty of assets and her darlings are extremely wealthy. Now she'll cold shoulder me for the holidays and my birthday as usual while showering her golden children (who have never done 1/100th of what I've done for her) with gifts. It's her favorite thing to ignore my birthday and holidays. Hence I never celebrate any of those things. I'm finally starting to understand though that this was always wrong and I deserve better.

[@evonekky3672]

Yep. My mom would ignore me for months and out of the blue would call me late at night when she was drunk and sad because she has a fight with her boyfriend. She wanted me for emotional support, she wanted me to be her parent, the same way it was since I was a child. 4 years since I've seen her and 2 years no contact. Best decision I've ever made.

[@clarestrong6298]

Wow thanking you for this video I’m really struggling but you make so much sense thank you

[@Captain_Commenter]

My likely narcissistic dad is 97 and in a nursing home, constantly saying that he can walk better than all the other residents there & he's not "nuts" like they are. My gosh, even now he still has to be better than others...

[@marinaom8641]

Very good description of what are narcissists like as parents

[@321micks123]

I was allowed to feel... though my parents felt the same, but more. provoke to the point of upset, then be more upset than me. a competition of emotion that left me numb.

[@crimsonking7955]

Wonderful video, thank you. I am interested in taking your course, tired of being the doormat.

[@CourageCoaching]

You are most welcome! This is the link to the course! couragecoaching.net/assertiveness-pdf-course/

[@privateprivate8366]

Difficult to handle it this way, in this world. It becomes isolating because much of the world is filially pious and they don’t care if your parents murder you, as long as you were the dutiful child that was serving them. This is also not simply a part of eastern culture. I was born and raised in the US and there is.NO ONE I know that, other than their lack of understanding what NPD is, in the first place, think I should just do whatever my other tells me to, yield to her abuse, shut up and smile. You learn to just stop talking about it because even people who really like you otherwise, look at you like you are a nut job, for not yielding to abuse, particularly as the aging narcissistic parent is often a very conscious nightmare chiding behind wrinkles.

[@bamkablam]

While of course this problem is endemic in first world cultures, I feel as if you could have produced this video exclusively for me. I needed to see this now. It is very affirming. Thank you.

[@natashaj9169]

AmaIng video I really needed to hear this. Thank you ❤

[@bobsanderz3005]

My dad’s narcissism somehow got worse after his stroke. And now he’s using it as an excuse to ramp up the abuse

[@jamesjosephwaskiel1841]

Thank you for helping me understand

[@jimnance9872]

Enjoyed this video. Validating. I ain't writing no letter though. Fck that.

[@Lucy-jz7sg]

I don’t feel a jot of guilt My old narcissist mother is more abusive with age She abandoned my children, no birthday cards or visiting us. She’s 80 & I’m in a silent treatment over something ! I’m not reaching out this time, so it’s likely terminal. She snubbed my daughters wedding, sending a laundry list of grudges about my ex-husband as her excuse . She wasn’t missed

[@alphaangel4219]

Thank you for addressing this topic.

[@vickikondylas555]

Yes very debilitating /// I ended up sicker than my parent😩 the favourites in the family dropped it on my lap 😞Mother Teresa I was 😇they said It got better though when dementia hit in Τηαnk you very much for thé vidéo released some guilt🙌🙌⭐️

[@avecmoi9429]

Phone calls can work better. You can always end the call and you are not in the same geographic area as them. I do a a phone call once every two weeks or so. My mom was offered counselling over and over. Her catholic lunacy messed her up. Never underestimate the evilness of much of organized religion. It has nothing to do with the higher power. It has hurt my siblings and cousins.

[@Bre_travels]

I had to put mine on call block. She complains and leaves messages for me to call her several time a week than if I do, it's several times a day. Pretending to not remember that I have a job and a life because she doesnt.

[@catherinemoore3098]

My 95 year old mother drains me has critize me all my life my hair my looks the way I walked the way I talked I looked after her the last 10 years and during Covid now she is in a nursing home I have to go no contact recently she will never change

[@jackidezell3736]

Hello. My mom is a narcissist and she’s 75. I’m 38, and a single mom. Because of all the abuse, and the fact that I’ve never been physically healthy I now have a ton of health problems, and I’m on a small amount of disability payments. It’s not enough to live on at all. On top of that I don’t trust myself, and there’s a lot I don’t know how to handle as an adult should know. Lastly, I don’t have faith in myself. I’m still being beaten down as I still live with my mother. She isn’t well and when she dies my future is very bleak at the moment with no where to go and no way to support my daughter and I. I need advice, and support. Help!

[@5thElement347]

Hi omg your story sounds like mine. Im sorry you had to experience that. It nearly destroyed me entirely also. If you wanna chat im here.

[@5thElement347]

@Elle D exactly!! Its been a nightmare

[@leodasunnotyourusualhumanb341]

Learn a new skill like fashion designing/interior designing/hospitality management etc which requires nothing to be known from earlier. Or any skill which makes money around your area.

[@smileawhile3788]

@Elle D So well said. Thank you for your comment to another. It was exactly what I needed to hear too. Sending Love and blessings to you. Thank you

[@mehitabel1290]

Please don't have any more kids.

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

You give them exactly what they gave you growing up … Absolutely Nothing !

[@CourageCoaching]

I love this! Thank you for sharing!

[@kristinloucks2084]

Im dealing with a narcissistic father and sister. My father was abusive towards me growing up and now everyone expects me to do everything for him. Now he is supposed to have hernia surgery which takes 6 weeks to recover. Well I simply can't do it. Im a single mother with a full time job with bills to pay and i cant take 6 weeks off to take care of him.

[@calidreams5379]

If one is at a place in their heart where they have healed and can have compassion for an elderly parent, especially if they are frail physically and mentally, it is a blessing. Everyone’s situation and perspectives are also different. While we all agree a physically or mentally abusive or neglectful parent is definitely narcissistic, I also hear many people who may have had a troubled adolescence or disagreements with their parents instantly tag their parents as narcissistic. It seems to be the trend.

[@VidWatcher01]

The later part is true to a certain. One the one hand those people who claim their parents were abusive are usually the Narcs but on the other hand their are people who have parents that while they aren't full fledged narcissists they display many traits of narcissm which can be mistaken for being a narc. My mother is one such individual. She will show genuine love, empathy & take a look at herself for error but she gaslights, projects, has the whole "rules for thee & not for me" attitude, goes into rages, throws tantrums at her age (at almost 60), deflects when people try to call her out for her behavior & made me the scape goat child & my younger sister the golden child which caused many of my sisters troubles she having now as a result. I'm to the point where I'm ready to go no contact or at the very least extremely limited contact.

[@jaykram7754]

Great video! And I fully agree!

[@SA-ud9nf]

I totally understand what you're saying but I am also wondering about aren't we supposed to honor God by taking care of her parents no matter what and honoring our parents taking care of them. Is there such a way where we can take care of them and have someone either help us. What if they have their own caregiver but you also need to take care of them when the caregiver is gone. How do you do it to honor your parents and still take care of them while you protect yourself if they have narcissistic qualities and it can be quite stressful. so I have these questions about basically honoring God and how to go about taking care of an elderly narcissistic parent and what if they are drinkers or such. Who is going to take care of them if they daughter or son can't ? so it's very hard for me to not have compassion for my parents because I want to honor God and my parents and do the right thing. I had one parent that never came to see me at my home and would visit other extended family members and my sibling and I never really got a card or Christmas gift and yet most of my life I have sent my parent gifts and cards and have taken care of them as stressful as it was and I even left my job and my town and lost everything to take care of my parents but I had to come back home because I was so stressed out from the way I was treated and I cried a lot because I loved my parents so much. I also ended up taking care of my sibling s home and their kids and attending to my mom's and my siblings home and the lawn on the cooking and so I was so overwhelmed that I my body parts of my body were affected by that. It seems we are a little bit more close because my parents would not always call me I mean it's not like my parent didn't do anything for me because my parent did help me at times and we did get along but a lot of times I never really got a call or contacted to get together for the holidays and it was until nobody was left and thought it was me that was there for my parents and now we are closer and we talk on the phone but I always wonder if there was someone else if my parent would care but at the same time I know my parents understands that I'm the one that is more compassionate and has more respect for me because I am stronger person and have the ability to have boundaries and communicate well. well enough said I don't want to give you too long of a story I just thought maybe that would help you understand a bit. Thank you for your time and may God bless you for all you do. 💖

[@elainelingenfelter6140]

You are excellent. I'm 63 and I feel like lm dead. I live with my 95 year old sexual rude narrristic father...and have to pay him and I wanted to leave 15 years ago. He's so dirty. He had so many affairs on my mother. Divorced her at 75. She had Alzheimer's and he couldn't be bothered. Staying somewhere elas 3 days a week. I've been so ill my body is shutting down.

[@CourageCoaching]

I am so sorry Elaine! Sending you strength!

[@digidali999]

Thank you very much for this video.

[@rebekahpuma9667]

They will make you feel guilty for saying no, just go grey rock

[@joanjones3677]

Narcissism is not a mental illness but s personality disorder.

[@alphaangel4219]

Go figure.

[@ronesss33]

These are often the nice little old ladies who appear sweet and considerate but they have no visitors especially when they go into care. The people around them are lead to believe that the kids are selfish and neglectful as they are being manipulated by an expert victim who wouldn’t hurt a fly 😇#covertnarcmothers

[@CourageCoaching]

Absolutely!!

[@ArtandKitchen_]

I already cut connection with my father..and mother.. My mom message me now asking for help because my father is sick. What shall I do? I never had any emotional connection with them nor feel their love. It is full of neglect and abuse when I was still there.. I reached my limit last year and decided to let go and love myself.. I am afraid now the same patterns will just happen if I engaged again

[@tnt01]

do not engage.

[@ArtandKitchen_]

@@tnt01 I sent money through online transaction, I can't interact physically. It is very hard to act like we love each other etc.. its hard to care on people who never care on you. I just money as a help to another human being, nothing emotional.

[@tnt01]

@@ArtandKitchen_ be careful, do not keep sending money. make it a one time thing. hugs.

[@sirrantsalott]

She is using you, look for patterns, stop hoping, you are being used; been there done that

[@janetsavona7590]

That's the time to get even with them

[@tesssilba9078]

Do you send the letter or just write it and keep it?

[@CourageCoaching]

You don't send it..You keep it or burn it..whatever feels most cathartic for you

[@candace8167]

Where does the honor the father and mother …..fit in to this…is my struggle 😢

[@CourageCoaching]

That is truly the trickiest part..I would say this stands when were aren't severely abused..

[@melindamcclain835]

Yes the bible teaches that but it doesn't say honor your mother and father even if they were child abusers.

[@candace8167]

@@melindamcclain835 Thanks I needed that point made, because I feel like I'm now at the point of... establishing boundaries, which I already know will be dismissed, and then going no contact (as a result of dismissed requests)and allowing the money hungry subbing deal with the narc mother....yet and still as I sit here typing this, it still doesn't sit well with my soul. smhsmhsmh. Thank God(literally) therapy is tomorrow. LOL! Thanks for your response.

[@googlzastalker6870]

God says in his word “who can stand in front of jealousy”. I owe forgiveness and thats it. They get even more mean as they age. It is one of the ugliest things Ive ever seen. The level of selfishness is why they need to lie. It literally makes me question if that is a human being and not an alien.

[@rebekahpuma9667]

My narc parent caused me to pause This more than I can count due to incessant_needs

[@luciamixon8119]

Thank you.

[@HQ93]

Thank you

[@annwethenorth]

Nope. Lol she keeps trying it's hilarious. Reap what you sow.

[@VidWatcher01]

Short answer: Not a damn thing.

[@GirishVenkatachalam]

nice thanks

[@suttonkite]

Its a fine balance between acting like a hurt child towards your parents or proving that you are grown up and can deal with an older parent, who is still a human being. Your own well being is important...if you put it over everyone else you are as ego centered like the parent you dont want to care about. Being an adult is not everyones business and too many people seek excuses proving only that they are no better than the parent was.

[@t5l239]

Whoa! I see your right about this eh?

[@Clemburke1111]

Fuck 'em !

[@delagrazia]

0,50seconds in the video>..".,.,and.,just bcoz they think slower and perhaps developing Alzheimer and dementia .." ..,.,whaat?, exactly that! how did you know?lolol ok then i guess thats also a comon trait ,and fate ,of narcs just like all the others

[@petersz98]

Slip some rat poison in their food once you have located the will!

[@janetsavona3542]

Then you'll go to prison and won't enjoy the money

[@millions2nette]

Rat poison is medicine for a lot of humans...They take it daily...Its called Coumadin/Warfarin.

[@bengali481]

Shame on you! The Bible tells us to honor our parents!

[@TheSmack2007]

You can take care of my terrible, cruel, narcissistic mother then.

[@doresca1634]

I also have a mother for you. She will constantly remind you that she is your mother and insist hers is the life for living - never mind about your own life!

[@TheSmack2007]

@@doresca1634 This will be the first year I don’t invite her to my house for Thanksgiving. I think she assumes she’s coming. It’s gonna be a tough phone call. But it’s not happening.

[@doresca1634]

@@TheSmack2007 funny you should say that because the same will be for me for Christmas 🎄. I’m in UK 🇬🇧 and every year I have invited her but she actually refuses to come for stupid reasons - it was the place where my dear late father had his last Christmas. So as you see, I am even to blame for that. My house is bigger and could accommodate everyone as well as give everyone the space that they might like during the special day. Whatever happens I will be happy on that day. No time for toxicity.

[@SCH292]

@@doresca1634 Wanna know why she "refuse to come" to your place? A narc person ALWAYS WANT TO STAY IN CONTROL. So we can say.. this could be "a territorial issues". She knows if she come to your place she will "lose her narc control status and have no POWER OVER YOU".

[@redpillreset1741]

Let them die,let them die alone…f**k em..focus on your self…you will get better ❤️‍🩹 i promise..don’t go to there death bed..it’s Custer’s last stand to abuse you, there animals..

[@simonsmith3498]

Thank you