The All Guardsmen Party: Guardsmen and Pilgrims

[@Timber_LXG_5]

"We need bombs" Them "meh" "For the Emperor?" "TAKE ALL OF IT"

[@bubba485]

"So, no shit, there we were," The catch phrase of the series.

[@Sentientcap]

Great catch Phrase to be honest.

[@chestermaxted6134]

"Two months seems like a long time to play cards and take naps" we'll see how well that ages

[@stephenflint3640]

Well, its aged like a fine wine, or sour vinegar Your choice really

[@andrewe.7299]

If only you knew...

[@TheAKgunner]

The guys playing the Guardsmen had to be military veterans! Every veteran I talked to said deployment was ninety percent cards, sleeping, and jerking off, and ten percent terror!

[@MagicalMaster]

@@stephenflint3640 Fine wine, of course I'm a hardcore introvert so the only thing I noticed about the pandemic was everyone wearing face diapers and getting really, really damn paranoid about needles. Also, if the pandemic comes back, remember that they don't specify what kind of mask, so halloween is on the table.

[@stephenflint3640]

@MagicalMaster I had to deal with the outside world on multiple levels, and with the devolution of politics and societal sanity... I might have had some anxiety issues. But I will admit if it had gone better, the introversion bonuses would have been lovely

[@insignificantgnat9334]

"Beat the shit out of someone who tried to mug one of the nerds." Take a moment to appreciate the bad luck and poor judgement of whoever has the misfortune to try to rob an agent of the Inquisition. Honestly a beating is probably the best outcome they could hope for.

[@megamanstarforce4315]

I like to think that the reason the future interrogators were so low quality is that the GM became very annoyed when the PCs decided that this interrogator was incompetent and hid from him. Specifically, I have visions of him thinking: "This is incompetent! I will show you incompetent!" Edit: Except for the Rupert

[@singletona082]

Throne bless Rupert. He might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he is well connected, sincere, does have the best intents for his men, and is willing to share in the risk instead of take all the glory. Plus even if his stories can drone on a bit long, he is pretty likeable all things considered.

[@theomnissiah-9120]

@@singletona082 Rupert was definitely the best of the bosses they had

[@bikecaptain8015]

Unless I'm very much mistaken, The Rupert is the only one who ends up fully onside, apart from the crazy weird one 40 chapters away who hardly counts.

[@corbinmills9335]

WE STAN THE RUPERT IN THIS HOUSE! Any time he gets involved, everything escalates in the best way.

[@michaelhall-oc4nj]

“Why charge a fortified position when you can get someone else to do it for you”

[@sectoidsupreme3341]

Words to live by.

[@baltsosser]

A most excellent question.

[@Schinak]

Saying that to a Krieg corps trooper will get you shot

[@chameon378]

@@Schinak Mm....no. You don't talk to Kriegs Corps, you give them very simple orders and let them do the charging of fortified positions.

[@T-74]

*SOUNDS OF COMMISSAR*

[@thomasrevill7723]

The morale these guardsmen have displayed is just incredible, especially against Chaos

[@thyrussendria8198]

I take it it is much more just indifference and resignation rather than zeal.

[@fluffycyborgs]

Indifference! Chaoses only weakness!!! Lol

[@ineednochannelyoutube5384]

Dejected apathy is thd best defence against chaos. They cant get you through your emotions if you dont have them...

[@ApocryphalDude]

Then issue them their customary purity seals.

[@eleanorcarpenter37]

That feeling when you're so done with this sh** you just dont care it's literal demons your fighting

[@Skwisgar2322]

"Warpy stuff" is a highly technical term.

[@thomass2505]

For guardsmen it sure is.

[@connorharrison7160]

Sounds like heretical bullshit to me. Seems like an 8 on the Blam! scale

[@0SC2]

Connor Harrison “Blam! scale,” you say? Tell me more.

[@connorharrison7160]

@@0SC2 The Blam! scale is a scale from zero to exterminatus. A zero on the Blam! scale is something along the lines of a planet free of heresy giving praise to the Emperor, as they should. The more heretical the bullshit, the higher on the Blam! scale you get. Anything above a 5 is suspect, and should be reported to the local authorities. Anything above a 10 is a good indication to get off-planet ASAP

[@sadmiral7333]

As is warp fuckery

[@captainpanic3616]

The Blood Ravens called, they want their Nubby back.

[@RAFMnBgaming]

Wat the zog iz a "Ork Wog"? Iz it lik a WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

[@justsomeguywhodoeswhathewa4591]

Thank you

[@alexanderthegreat6682]

Dat's da stuff rite dere. WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!

[@gabrielc7861]

"giggling and chewing on a seat cushion" oh -god- emperor why

[@singletona082]

Worst part? That's one of the less insane psykers you'll find.

[@FreedFenrir]

And I am left to wonder what would have happened had they joined the interrogator's entourage. Considering their later interrogators, this guy seemed downright sane. A bit naive and inexperienced, but able to learn.

[@REDandBLUEandORANGE]

FreedFenrir The dm would just make him dumber and dumber

[@darthrevan4933]

Either this guy or the Rupert because let’s all agree he’s the best interrogator they had

[@darrvenomfier790]

Darth Revan amen, amen.

[@speldrong5010]

I honestly think that Oak (while regarding them as expendable,) if not at first, once they handled their first debriefing how they do, had greater things in mind for them. If not to be part of his own retinue... SPOILER... ...even more likely, for Sarge to become one of his *own* Interrogators, and for the rest of the squad to be the backbone of Sarge's retinue. I think Oak (Quercus) knows that THIS time, if his mission is to be successful a less cloak and dagger approach needs to be utilized and he'll need agents like The Guardsmen. It's graduated past the point of a cold war, now. I also think they don't get random assignments (again, at least after a certain point.) I think they're an ace in the hole/backup plan that Oak deploys when he's feeling sketch about an Interrogator's ability to either stay alive, stay loyal, lead a team, or complete a mission. EDIT: Oh, and I just remembered who this guy is. He doesn't learn, he gets worse. Staying alive and loyal to Oak and The Imperium in that order are his best qualities. He proves to be an *absolute* maroon here in a few dozen hours.

[@darthrevan4933]

@@speldrong5010 why do you say he got worse he’s not the egomaniac from ‘where’s my psiker’ and I don’t remember him being mentioned later

[@ShadowGem07]

I'm relistening to all of these and I just keep laughing at "So no shit there we were".

[@lordcommissarspartan]

Same, lol

[@ShadowGem07]

@@CJVS995 Three years later and still listening to the stories

[@Amanoob105]

On the one hand they need to regroup with the others (whether they liked it or not). On the other hand they had to stop anyone going into a room full of demon goo and, possibly, evil books. Answer? Throw an incendiary grenade into the room, lock the door and go solve the other problem. When in doubt in the 40k universe, fire is the answer.

[@thomass2505]

This has never been more true about any universe

[@RAFMnBgaming]

"Hey, which school should we send little suzie to? We're in the catchment zone of..." *"There is only one!"*

[@Abdega]

In 40K, borderline murderhobo is the only way to survive

[@kitsunegolem1925]

fire is always the answer

[@MagicalMaster]

What if the problem is that things are on fire?

[@eilistraeepreistess]

This is like a professional quality audio-book! Can not wait for the next one.

[@TheTaleForge]

Thanks! I do my best to keep the quality high.

[@justletmecomment6453]

Cloak and Dagger keep these as a resume, you could seriously do this professionally. AGP is one of my favorite tales from /tg/, so happy to see it brought to life.

[@TheTaleForge]

Hahah, I've actually been putting in some auditions over on ACX (Amazon's audiobook program).

[@SideBurn12]

Cloak and Dagger Did the auditions turn into anything fun? :)

[@olorinmagus4479]

Cloak and Dagger astartays?

[@REDandBLUEandORANGE]

That first interrogator seemed less useless than future interrogators Not useless just less blatantly unhelpful

[@DJMouthwash]

lol one guy is seriously just playing Nobby Nobbs from the Discworld books. Beautiful, Nubby.

[@RAFMnBgaming]

Yeah, when you blow through hundreds of characters during the backstory, chances are things are gonna get a little bit plagurisey.

[@crystalalarm3]

At least they got picked up by the ordos xenos, they seem to have to most stable if not sane inquisitors and a steady job to keep them out of politics and are the least likely ordos to sacrifice a bunch of grunts to play with warp critters, it could be worse.

[@isapu1948]

HAHAHAHAHAHAhh

[@thebighurt2495]

Stable-ish

[@thonktank1239]

A warhammer 40K rp really is the last place where I'd expect a Pratchett reference, made me chuckle.

[@ineednochannelyoutube5384]

Why? Both are satire.

[@matthewcranford5912]

Thonk Tank I might’ve missed it where was it

[@Nifn45]

@@matthewcranford5912 I'm only at 20 minutes so it may come later but I think it may be nubby, the guy who is constantly looking for small things nobody would miss

[@isapu1948]

@@Nifn45 Nubby, Aimy, Sarge and the stubborn traffic office remind me of Vimes Tbh, the character model of a lot of the PC ls and NPCs feel fit for a Pratchet story

[@CarsonRH]

@@isapu1948 the group was really into the Discworld novels at the time.

[@REDandBLUEandORANGE]

Any newcomers Twitch is just The fucking best You will see why in a few hours

[@Sentientcap]

I wonder if a Guardsman's unofficial motto is Hope for the best prepare for the worst? Cause it seems there always in situations like that.

[@gigletes]

Dude, you're a master. This is my fourth time through this story, and I'm only listening to it because of you!

[@carlrambow1277]

I smiled the entire time i listened to this. Good job Guardsmen. The emperor preserves.

[@jonathanhamilton6190]

I like to think these guys are somewhere in the TTS universe.

[@isapu1948]

That would be nice

[@PRGME7]

31:13 “we have the holy hand grenade” “of course! The holy hand grenade of Antioch”

[@evantyler8647]

Good old "Scientific Examination."

[@BidnessGoose]

This is such a brilliant way of doing DMpc's, make them nominally on the PC's dude but making them actually incompetent

[@JBurdoo]

Very easy listening. You have a relaxing reading style.

[@TheTaleForge]

Thank you!

[@gatordragon6140]

"hanging out with the scariest people in the imperium" Psycher: laughs in perils of the warp

[@killerofgems5923]

Ya know, looking back on the first interrogator it's pretty obvious he was never being tested on his actual skill, but instead his faith. In that case, it's immediately obvious why he was promoted

[@stevenclark2188]

I was just starting to long for another Ciaphas Cain book.

[@Nyghtking]

So thats what it feels like to be sane in 40k, doesn't seem useful.

[@waywardcompass2940]

What always gets me about this series is that from a meta perspective, only on player ever died. Unlucky bastard that one

[@chaosxenkon]

having never played warhammer40k, i still love this!

[@Abdega]

Never played it, but I love the lore!

[@RedwoodTheElf]

The demented game of keepaway: Cue "Yakkity Sax"

[@Atamosk-bu7zt]

Idk, benny hill also works

[@RedwoodTheElf]

@@Atamosk-bu7zt Same Song. Official name is "Yakkity Sax", but it was used so often on the Benny Hill show, it also became known as "That Benny Hill song"

[@darthrevan4933]

And the scooby doo hall of doors bit

[@michaell8000]

i love the thought that the one named sarge is like the R V B one hehe

[@darthrevan4933]

michaell8000 I was thinking the same thing and kept imagining him having a similar ascent

[@Hailix4240]

I

[@fluffycyborgs]

His actions are not that dissimilar he just has no griff to make him hate life THAT much

[@heartysquid]

It's a popular schtick with Sargent characters...this particular model is based on Sargent Samuel Vimes from the discworld(as is nubby and later aimy)

[@joefloggg3257]

GLORY TO THE RED TEAM!!!

[@jacobbabson6786]

You could say no one expected the space inquisition eh heh heh

[@ashtonhouse2603]

I love listening to this series on long drives, 5th time through the series please finish it!

[@GetShnuttedOn]

12:37 benny hill theme plays in the background

[@darthrevan4933]

And obligatory scooby doo hall of doors joke

[@lolbots686]

Hospitalter:You know i do understand you arent much for faith but why do you want me to bless your weapons? Sarge: honestly i dont want to take chances. Also the last time something like this happened it actually did something so theres that. Plus your a sister and decently experienced at that. Hospitaler:...im a medic though. But allright fine,fine. You have a light for the candles? The prayers going to take a minute and id like to at least do this right. Doc:here you go. Nubby,dont even think about it. Nubby:aw... Fumbles:uh. I should probably go,right? Hospitaler:i mean. Your welcome to help if you care. Fumbles:uh. Im good. *Slowly backs up* One long ass prayer to the big e later. Sarge:huh. It actually worked. Hospitaler:wait seriously?? ...well damm. The emporor really does protect. Neat!

[@Captain.Mystic]

6:00 Aww i was expecting a Griff in the lists of names.

[@speeddemon7678]

I kind of wished you included the pictures that came with each section of the story. I'm not gonna complain too much though. It is an audiobook.

[@Player-kf6vq]

Nobbie the 40k guardsman? XD love the subtle references

[@windwatcher460]

Why did I take so long to start listening to this series? You tell stories so well!

[@benkayvfalsifier3817]

Listening to this series a second time and for some reason I'm getting a WW2 Gestapo vibe from this now. Weird.

[@darthrevan4933]

That’s because the inquisition to quote arch “makes organizations like the gestapo and NKVD look like brain damaged children playing with their father binoculars” (Yes I know arch was talking about the custodis it applies all the same)

[@samuellancaster6487]

Like your reading of this. Hope you keep up with the new releases.

[@Keyaira14]

Jesus these are fantastic, keep up the good work! Looking forward to the next episode!

[@Corbinian100]

Am I the only one trying to figure out who our dear narrator is playing? Been through the series 3 times already in a couple weeks and this is driving me insane. Awesome Work, as a Doungeon master myself I soaked up all your stories to implement stuff into my own style. Hearing the perspective of a Player with a bunch of different Groups is really refreshing. Keep it up!

[@TheTaleForge]

Shoggy played as Nobby, Crisp, and most of Fumbles.

[@Corbinian100]

Cloak and Dagger I knew it!!! Well I didn’t but I had a feeling. Besides the fumble part, maybe I took the explanation in the second episode to literal that you guys only played the guardsmen.

[@Corbinian100]

Cloak and Dagger thank you for the fast answer 👍🏼

[@ZarHakkar]

I always thought they were playing Sarge.

[@JestRex]

going through the motions again

[@the13inquisitor59]

So in that first part, I picked, Amberley Vail, Gideon Ravenor, Inquisitor Drogan from Space Marine and Gregor Eisenhorn around about Malleus\Hereticus. How'd I do?

[@lordadorable1140]

The13Inquisitor Pretty much on the money

[@QuantemDeconstructor]

started watching this channel, good quality tabletop stories

[@isengaja]

Yes! Thanks for the audio story-telling, can't wait for the next one :) btw, what's your schedule for Guardsmen ?

[@TheTaleForge]

I'm trying to do one a week until I'm caught up, then once I am, I intend to post episodes the week after a part has been released, with other tales in between to keep things active. Didn't do one last week since I was feeling pretty awful.

[@isengaja]

ah cool! thanks man! keep up the good work :D I have read the Guardsmen up until the latest, but listening to an audio felt even better :)

[@thegoodfather1177]

I like how it seems to shift from dnd to a story

[@peterjr.mcgilvery4524]

This is already 3 yrs old x3

[@thebighurt2495]

On the plus side, at least they'll get to meet Fumbles soon

[@RepKyle95]

Love this series! I just wish it had non auto-generated captions. Lol

[@TheTaleForge]

Some of them have proper captions, most don't. You can always follow the link in the description to read along.

[@pbovymligsvim4182]

I guide those to a Treasure that I can not have 63

[@GreenStuffConsumer]

I wonder what game format they used

[@SMon42]

Do you dub audiobooks?

[@deathbytouch4252]

2 months of naps and cards is looking pretty accurate to the corona virus lockdown lol

[@green_creeper288]

Like if you listened to these before Adeptus Ridiculous brought more attention to it.

[@awesomepsume]

This seems like an rvb reference

[@Hailix4240]

It’s not, trust me. Sarge is actually competent in AGP,

[@rexsanchasejoker0415]

Loving this series!

[@impatienstheshmuck5348]

5:38 Clementine from Overlord.

[@FaitedDuck]

I'm hooked

[@mileslugo6430]

You sure the Zealots weren't celibate?

[@wackpool1491]

soooooo... u basically made a giant ass holy handgranade

[@TreeFolkDruid]

heavy! ❤😭

[@jbark678]

29:05 You love to see it

[@dannydevitofan6101]

Im such a fan of DooM, if i were to ever get a chance to be able to play 40k id remake doom guy.

[@codyrima2209]

That would be a space marine my friend and you might enjoy the fps game about them

[@reverendrico5631]

Cody Rima doomguy’s rage exceeeds most space marines, at least they loyalists. Except for eh Black Templars...or a space wolf who’s out of Meed.

[@03dashk64]

Reverend Rico check out the Angry Marines. That’s about on par.

[@nicholasogburn7746]

Did you voice a doom book?

[@jakethehammer3697]

Awesome video love 40K 💵💵💵💵

[@joaoisidro2936]

Cog-Bro!

[@ChiaroscuroxX]

I loved this

[@charlesmactaggart1676]

I have keep rewinding to try and make sense of everything. At least have a few pictures.

[@easycheese6409]

Where were you, when it happened? When everything went wrong? I know where I was. Exactly where and when I was right up until it happened. When The Dragon Broke. Chapter One.

[@easycheese6409]

Backstory would probably be good. I was, overall, an underachieving nobody; to anyone who wasn't DOJ. My cousin disappeared about 6 years prior, just right off the map, nothing to suggest anything aside from the security cam footage. Everyone knew he was dodging divorce papers, but jumping through a magic portal has to be in the top five ways to dodge divorce.

[@easycheese6409]

So, I was doing my usual training jog around my family land when up pops a portal. "Fantastic new world" it's says, "limited time offer" it said. It gave me 2 hours to decide. I told it to make the portal bigger.

[@easycheese6409]

One hour 54 minutes later I was in a medieval looking city with my tractor and four covered grain wagons that I had used for storage. Then the realization of "Why the hell did I leave my home, land, and family? I'm not married or anything but Ma is gonna have a heart attack and the ATF is gonna skizm." hit me like double handful of buckshot.

[@easycheese6409]

Turns out that I wasn't the only one to come through a portal from Earth. 15 others. The others found me because word got around about a machine pulling four wagons. The city folk didn't care aside from the four wagons part. Apparently pulling a wagon hitched to another wagon was a thing that could change everything about ground shipping and they had never thought to do such a thing.

[@easycheese6409]

Locals speak a butchered form of English but they write in something that's not English. The guys from Australia managed to find a unused building for us to lay low in. Smells like an old fish packing facility, but it's big and sturdy. Just the place seemed to be off.

[@CHEF-55457]

5 guardsmen? Pfft, more like that number should be ten guardsmen instead...

[@pamelamangelson2725]

For the algorithm.