The Bears Are Gettin' Old | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome back to another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! Bert's back in the Cave this week and he and Tom discuss aging and lower members. Specifically which nationality ages the best and which nation has the smallest average peener size. Two completely different debates for two completely intriguing topics. Speaking of words you can't say without getting flagged online, Bert and Tom also talk about how confusing the content policies are for social media sites and how sometimes it's difficult to tell what's appropriate and what's not. It's not all fun and games this week as Tom and Bert also get a little sentimental and talk about feeling shame for the first time, the heavy weight of people pleasing all the time, and being cynical about people finding fulfillment in silly things. Other things covered in this episode include, ladyboys, Bert's favorite Austrian painter, Queen Elizabeth, the origin of drinking ages, and Shannon Doherty. Tune in and learn something!
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2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 225
KZbin Chapters
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:04 - Best Old Men/Bert's Hang
00:07:51 - Race To The Finish
00:11:31 - Community Standards Are Confusing
00:13:53 - Drinking Age/History Lesson
00:19:08 - Bert's Favorite Austrian/Queen Liz
00:22:23 - Moment Of Growth
00:26:19 - Finding Fulfillment
00:32:13 - Cool Kids/Shannon Doherty
00:38:03 - Feeling Shame
00:42:13 - People Pleasing
00:48:13 - Ten Smallest
00:54:48 - Asian Hammers
01:00:00 - Ladyboy Hypotheticals

[@artfire007]

Maybe Bert should do the show on a treadmill since his thoughts are clear when he runs.

[@boemomapetla9559]

😂😂😂😂

[@ar007r]

Burt is on a hedonic treadmill

[@dustynashworth7904]

​@@boemomapetla95590

[@PowerScissor]

Bert hasn't had a clear thought in decades.

[@galacticgum4186]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/bp7TdGR8itV2nassi=KpEXXGgyGWdyUJx5

[@archibaldcreep1]

Burt realizing that he peaked in 7th grade is very funny.

[@Fisumestari]

He lost his VCard when he was 20 years old ahaha

[@wakenow1]

You can tell it's absolutely true because he is perpetually stuck in the mindset of a 7th grader... Suspended adolescence at its finest.

[@Alectrizo]

I think its funnier that you can tell his story is full of shit because no 14 year old has a car that they would let a 12 year old drive.

[@rjrulz327]

lol what? I was driving a f 150 at 9 pillows and all!

[@ibupro6235]

😂😂😂

[@subliminalvibes]

0:39 - you already know Bert's spent the past week telling everyone he's doing a 10k run when it's 5.

[@freedomproducer]

Click video, two ads, 3 mins of video, 2 ads, 4 mins of video, 2 long ads read by Bert and Tom, 5 mins of video, 2 long ads read by Tom and Bert, 4 mins of video, 2 ads, 3 mins of video. The end, quality. I think we need to start a GoFundMe for these guys, they clearly can't make ends meet

[@JAW1992]

Just get KZbin Premium. Oh yea, you're one of those poors!

[@damontussing4333]

YT premium doesnt get rid of in video ads

[@colinmann8811]

​@@damontussing4333doesn't get rid of their ad reads but you can fast forward...

[@davequist7710]

Hate from Houston

[@cameroncady135]

Fuck Houston 😂

[@jason96G]

And Dallas

[@bigchrizilla]

Elaborate?

[@RedRum59]

I second that

[@davequist7710]

@@bigchrizilla no

[@BigSirZebras]

1:00 Bert: Are you familiar with the Victorian age? Tom: I am not well versed on it. Bert: Let me catch you up. This is probably the best example of the Dunning-Kruger effect in under 5 seconds. Bert learned two things about Victorian England from a video he watched yesterday and now considers himself an expert. Tom learned about it in school and retained some of that and has come across the topic multiple times in his adult life and that has added to his understanding but he understands that he only has a superficial knowledge of the subject.

[@InspectahReese]

It should be renamed to the Dunning-Kreischer effect

[@ericvitale4647]

I love it….

[@tomrockwood851]

This needs patenting ;) @@InspectahReese

[@TheEmzley]

It’s a comedy show. Lighten up

[@castleenterprises23]

God forbid you tell your friend you learned something in your weird research hobby

[@jonathanadler5412]

The eye brow on tom when Bert says " i got into breast feeding videos once" LOLOL

[@Dorkycherry3410]

That shit almost touched his hairline

[@Rosskles]

​@@Dorkycherry3410 Holy crap you nearly made me pass out 😂😂

[@oli.y]

​@@Dorkycherry3410 I'm dead hahaha

[@RyanSpringer1984]

Bert definitely read the Wikipedia entry for Victorian age and now he thinks he's an expert lol

[@WholeWhiteBaby]

Bart wishes he was Queen.

[@user-ss1os6ek1x]

He said he was listening to a history podcast.

[@RyanSpringer1984]

@@user-ss1os6ek1x you're a gem at parties, I'm sure.

[@InspectahReese]

@@WholeWhiteBabyhe wants to be Winston Churchill soo badly

[@dabzzgaming5891]

ExBert

[@MommyMoments855]

Finally a relatable episode

[@derekjackson8832]

😂

[@Dixie_N0rmis]

It's not that that small

[@coolguycodie]

fuck i just wrote this comment and then saw this 😂

[@Blivant]

Especially at the end there ✨

[@MommyMoments855]

@@Dixie_N0rmis C'mon Mark don't be stingy

[@Poke_N_Fun]

The HD is crazy…. Bert narcissism is so CLEAR in this light !!!

[@colinryan4737]

I think there's a big difference between narcissism, and ignorance. We all know he is ignorant, he's been very transparent about that over the years 😂

[@Poke_N_Fun]

@@colinryan4737 narcissism is the love of one self, like main character syndrome, someone who thinks the world revolves around them or that it should revolve around them…. I’m a Bret fan….. so I’m ok with it 😂….. I may be one the last standing fans 😂

[@colinryan4737]

@@Poke_N_Fun That's a fair point. I'll concede to you my good sir. Also I'm still a Bert fan too. Ik people hate his characteristics and comedy, but I personally can't get enough lmao.

[@JadwinManuel]

@@Poke_N_Fun You don't think you're the main character???

[@tomrockwood851]

Bert is the epitome of many things. Just ask him.

[@ionee777]

He will tell you, even if you didn't ask

[@patifrench4684]

Remember when conceit wasn’t cool?

[@FarmersTableBayArea]

Underrated comment

[@marycallahan7795]

Bert fatigue is real.

[@riomendoza1111]

Bert is like the MCU of humans.

[@protomech2245]

So is Tom and Christina "here's the deal man" segura

[@subliminalvibes]

"We've been coming to the same party for 12 years now, and in _no way_ is that depressing..." - Ron Burgundy

[@michaeldepner7006]

Love that Bert mocked Tom about Vietnam and China not being close to each other when the two countries share a border.

[@Katelyn.Eby1215]

❤❤❤

[@Mickey_Valentine]

He says he isnt racist ( which might be true ) .... buuuut doesnt even know his hero winston churchill was wildly more racist and with a significant bigger kill count than hitler ---- bert celebrates winston churchill every year ..... people all over ireland wales or lets say .... only India and Pakistan must love every time Winston the racist alcoholic Churchill is mentioned

[@jonm1603]

Tom: "Remember I showed you that bear eating that guy's face?" Brett: *heavy sigh*......... Tom: "...And you can see it like get stuck and then his nose goes flyin' off"

[@AmandaBurns14]

😂😂

[@nickrollins7612]

Scoot scoot and meep meep might be the hardest I've ever laughed at something Tim said, and I've been dying laughing at his comedy for years

[@colinmann8811]

Just meep meeping across the street

[@brookerangel-legris]

Christ dude 🫣 I’m barely 6 minutes in and Barfs rambling is jumping around more than House Of Pain!

[@EwokPanda]

Bert thinking he's over 4" flaccid is the best joke of this podcast. I think he's forgotten we've **all** seen him in a Speedo.

[@deionjsm]

Glad we could sit in on Berts therapy session again

[@IPlayOneOnT.V.]

I thought so too.

[@bobnob3496]

A guest bear every week would be ideal

[@Chickennuggets18363]

Stop watching it 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[@bobnob3496]

@@Chickennuggets18363 I did. There's a reason why the episodes with Bert get no views

[@Chickennuggets18363]

You must be extremely lonely and miserable… sitting here crying about a grown man that cares less about you

[@InspectahReese]

@@Chickennuggets18363gargling Bert’s balls is a bad look 😂

[@chiefkeith5641]

@@bobnob3496so you clicked to hate comment? Damn man hope you find some happiness

[@VegasDad71]

After all these years watching I’m actually sad I can’t anymore. Bart fatigue is so real

[@aleckchristian3138]

I came here for this comment. Fml it’s so hard to watch

[@JungleJym]

Tom talking about evolving and understanding the crowds at different events are all the same, no matter the what is actually happening.. seriously mind opening and something I'm gonna try and hold onto

[@frod2349]

Bert's best stand-up bit is the kool-aid clip. Prove me wrong

[@ComradeCooper]

Brent Chrysler the coolest AP History Teacher in the history of Special Ed

[@cheddafumunda]

Tom and blert sound like they were about to start ball cupping and naked wrestling

[@davyboysb]

@cheddafumunda You just made me piss all over myself AND spit out my Dr. Pepper at the same time. DAYAM!! Bro, thanks for the laughter...I just can't stop.😆😅🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂

[@clevermissfox]

These two bears are so funny, “you know that thing we did yesterday…?” Hilarious. Bert gets so proud. 😂

[@thadwuj668]

Burt needs to get his adhd under control

[@joebritt8325]

I related and learned something about myself at the same time. Thanks Bert for being so open.

[@ThedeadlyOG]

Yoooo y’all made yourselves look like FOOLS on the pat Mac show !😂

[@Bleepbloopblappp]

Sure they did, but we got the amazing emergence of Killin Cj Stroud out of it so it’s all worth it

[@AnthonyGargini]

Rbh

[@andrehall23]

Bert ...dude ... North Dakota .....Most of Canada's population lives near the border ...lol I mean ...Bert ..you've toured here ...LMFAO

[@subliminalvibes]

Yeah but he delivered it with such confidence... it _must_ be true! 😜

[@frod2349]

He is redact

[@InspectahReese]

33:35 HE REALLY JUST CALLED HIM FREDDIE GIBB THEN PAUSED AND DOUBLED DOWN 😂

[@dangoleeeeyoooomannnn6531]

I would love for them to do a video set of Bert and Tom watching the fucked up videos and showing them to us

[@nsmeinzer]

There was an illiterate, toothless, cokehead factory worker named Jeremy at my last job that thought you were cool Bret.😊

[@user-kj7nw4zg1y]

And yet here you are taking the time to comment that. You're his #1 fan. Congrats

[@katiethomas5476]

Bert. That is your super power. Your enthusiasm is super cool and your not jaded!

[@austinkaimalia1273]

What doesn't bart love? I love I love I love I love. That's all I hear

[@scottcroft9975]

Man. What a horrible way to present thoughts. Lol

[@austinkaimalia1273]

@@scottcroft9975 yeah he's sPeCiAl🤣

[@colinmann8811]

Balloons

[@xDMG15x]

Bert FOR SURE DMs these random celebrities because he is testing if he is famous enough for them to write back and so he can say he’s spoken to them next time their name comes up in conversation 🙄

[@Markymarc91]

Great to watch Bert become even more articulate at saying absolutely nothing lol

[@davidpage7116]

Bert is so happy to meet someone famous cause then they can say they know him 😮

[@brutis41]

"Oh yeah he was like a business guy.." "TOP 5 BEST ETHNICITIES!"

[@joebreakerx]

More Hate from the comments you pretend not to read

[@WKRP187]

If you were in their position in life would you give a fuq what someone like you thinks?! Be honest

[@indigiomontoya8005]

@Cincy You're right, we're too poor and total losers

[@epicstark990]

@@WKRP187😂 very true

[@xDMG15x]

Bert cares

[@joebreakerx]

​@@WKRP187 you think I care if they give a fuck?? I'm just sending hate

[@gordonwood4704]

“I was so cool in the 7th grade” - that’s the top of the mountain Bart

[@BrakBrakBrak]

Brent the type of guy who reads a book about common history facts. Then shares things about it most people have heard of and acts like he's spreading new knowledge.

[@padfoot1687]

Bert's stream of consciousness is kinda everything LMFAO

[@scottgagnon4057]

I think Bert’s excitement to meet “celebrities” or anyone is more about the excitement for people to get to meet Bert, because deep down he knows the joy he brings. He is like the Santa Clause of having a good time.

[@CasinoMoney2000]

Bert hasn’t been laid off yet?

[@ja5304]

If you listen closely, you can hear Barts voice constantly farting 💨

[@krisdoke]

Ita crazy that in the 1st day this podcast only gets 160 to 170 thousand views. It used to get near a million.

[@jginc1392]

Tom trying to connect with the poors while simultaneously wearing his wife's Burberry flannel

[@CultureJunkie24]

I don’t know if Gucci is more relatable?

[@WKRP187]

The fact that you know WTF a Burberry flannel even is says to me you're not amongst us poors. I've never heard of it

[@tiffanyh1274]

@@WKRP187peasant 😷

[@Bleepbloopblappp]

@@tiffanyh1274hey, you can be well off an successful and just not care about designer clothes or luxury shit. But you’re still doing well. That’s not my situation of course but I’m sure it’s possible!

[@cryptocred5754]

11 out of 12 random jump skips, Beet Kreichy was blabbering about himself. How does Tom not realize this bafoon is going to pop his ballon early.

[@BasedGod-ey5ee]

Wow ur the FIRST GUY TO DO THIS😮...

[@nickstockwell9148]

Tom will be fine no matter what people like you think. So will Bert. You’re delulu if you think otherwise. If anything actually bad about Brett existed, it would be out in the open by now. They’re fine. Enough people like them.

[@adammorris3283]

@@nickstockwell9148 No one is going to take you seriously when you use words like "delulu".

[@dog1dog223]

It's hard to listen to too many 2 Bears podcasts and not draw the conclusion that Bert is the least intelligent, most delusional, luckiest comedian of all time....

[@BasedGod-ey5ee]

Hes a genius🙌 on the lord

[@Dirt_Merchant]

This is the reason he’s a genius. Because people genuinely think this about him, yet don’t actually know anything about him, his business prowess, his intelligence or anything. He’s built an incredible and successful career based on the fact that everyone goes “this dude sucks and deserves none of this” and yet they continue to watch, even if it’s to hate on him. He’s the king of leaning into the bit lmao

[@BillboBirsay]

Correct.

[@dc4825]

@erchant Umm... He didn't 'build anything', he got lucky with a Rolling Stone story. If that didn't happen he never would have ever gotten Travel channel gigs or even started standup. Perhaps a tyre mechanic? Yes, he is good at marketing. But don't diminish people's knowledge just because in your eyes he can do no wrong. To compare that to Tom he had no national coverage as 'The Machine' purely through luck before anything, still in college. C'mon man. I'm not trying to poo your stance. I love him. But you need to take a step back, he's VERY lucky. Fact.

[@BasedGod-ey5ee]

@@Dirt_Merchant im the one that said he was a genius, how did u get the likes? Cuz u stated the obvious?...thank u captain...now tell em that only the gen z and millenial SHEEP feel HIP to HATE Bert...and how society is at a MAJORITY basket case scenario, and 30 ppl are smarter then 3000

[@psytron939]

That title is them addressing being out of touch with their fans. 😂😂

[@megyskermike]

This episode is actually really sweet and human/wholesome. Haven't tuned in for a while, so it's nice hearing some earnest talks about this stuff (and/or something different from the usual).

[@kevinburke5166]

“Can I talk about this with my therapist”-Bart. Yes you should and maybe we would get to watch jokes and laughter instead

[@shiftgood]

They don't owe you shit. Go watch something else.

[@TheMarxx74]

So, how many weeks ago was this one taped?

[@riomendoza1111]

Last year haha

[@neighborbruce]

There's a Por Osos hat so around whenever that one was filmed

[@WKRP187]

So sorry your free show isn't brought to you live each week, especially when they live 1000+- miles apart. God you ppl will whine about f...n ANYTHING!!

[@dude3678]

3.2 at 32 minutes is solid Bert. Just keep that pace. Its already a respected time.

[@dbrano74]

2 minutes in and I’m exhausted!!!! Geez Bert!

[@jaypetersen5825]

Bad Friends has double the viewership of 2 bears now LOL

[@upstream-com9277]

And?

[@jaypetersen5825]

​@@upstream-com92772 bears used to be much more popular

[@squeezeslemons]

@@upstream-com9277 why does stating a fact need further clarification from you? Ya good?

[@giantnamekiandende8988]

As a Canadian I can confirm the war of the Meese has been waging for many years 😅

[@cowperm]

Bert is the Meese Maven. 😂

[@lindaohanraha-hanrahan2817]

I had to beat off a couple of meese on my way out of the igloo this morning. And a bear and deer were giving me a hard time when I tried to warm up the dog sled. 🇨🇦 Drinking age in Quebec is 18. I think it’s 19 everywhere else in Canada.

[@giantnamekiandende8988]

@@lindaohanraha-hanrahan2817 beat off a couple Meese haaaaa

[@cowperm]

Were the meese happy or mad when you beat them off?

[@lindaohanraha-hanrahan2817]

@@giantnamekiandende8988 -It tough living up here. I’m not proud of it. 🦦

[@variaxi935]

Lookin fresh, fellas. Glad to see ya this Monday. I know everyone likes to 💩 on Burnt but honestly yall just vibe so well, watchin the two of you together is like watching a suave intelligent man and a happy child still mesmerized by life. Wish I had either of yalls mindsets

[@mgmnfld3109]

Should change the name of this show to "Bert brags about Bert" or "Alll the Wonderful things about Bert" or especiallyfor Christmas time "It's a Wonderful Bert". 😂

[@dini5894]

Tom has no respect for his fans. Just a reminder 😂

[@user-ef3xj4nz2g]

Bert’s just a car crash of a human being you don’t want to watch him but you can’t stop yourself to see what shit comes out the goons mouth next lol

[@chiefkeith5641]

I don’t watch stuff I don’t want to watch…

[@nickstockwell9148]

@@chiefkeith5641seriously. I don’t understand why people do that. They just come here to comment and leave after watching some random video bashing Bert.

[@user-ef3xj4nz2g]

Who’s talking to you then move on Keith! Keith voted the most boring name in the world so there you go dull man your opinion dosnt count so back to train spotting and choosing what colour of grey you want on your walls and say hi to your wife Karen Keith’s always have a Karen and you know what Karen’s are like lol 😂😂

[@lijahrock1801]

13:30 Tim forgot what the instagram political censorship was, so he tried to make a joke and bailed on paroting Joe Rogans narative 😂 love it

[@connorcandlin2943]

Bret rabbling about queen Elizabeth like she was uneducated, she was in the army 😂 and all the royals got to crazy prestigious schools

[@tank1110]

This show stinks

[@alfiejordan4081]

Watching before bed fell asleep for a bit woke up at 55:15 and forgot what I'd clicked on before 🤣

[@KllswtchOvrDrv]

Bert has never been so self aware of himself as about halfway through the pod. It's kinda mind-blowing and heart-warming

[@mickeymouse9823]

New drinking game , shot of osos every time Bert says the word me or I .

[@ChichiNaka]

Berts thing about famous people, tiktokers to famous actresses is making it about him, everything he does is making it about him

[@dohnjoe4516]

Making himself memorable. You're not wrong

[@buddy-wp6us]

I like it when Tim finally gets a chance to talk and at the end of his he ask’s Brett a question, then Brett Krishner doesn’t answer the question and talks about something else entirely.

[@squirrel69877]

I love listening to Bret kersiner talk about self therapy and making weird connections from events that shaped him. It helps me find things within myself and walk them back to a possible point of origin

[@CJThomps]

Treat others the way you’d like to be treated can be tough, but that’s why it’s golden

[@LA_i6]

You age faster when you work hard 😂

[@fx1883.]

PLEASE REPLACE BRENT

[@Greendioblo]

Hate from Louisiana

[@dickfister5081]

Great chat today, fellas. Thanks. Really resonated, especially about peaking early. Bert's looking great, BTW.

[@rad._.3]

every time bret talks about how great he is I remember his dad smoking him backwards int he running contest and I just smile

[@mattsammi4143]

The Tang thinks a bit of projecting going on in this one...😅

[@virus56777]

Two Santa’s. One slay. 😳😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂☃️☃️☃️

[@BigSirZebras]

9:10 old asian men... I was just on a bus going through the mountains of Vietnam. The bus driver was in his 30s and rear ended a truck driver. The truck driver who was probably 60 give or take 5 years just swaggered out and looked at the damage. His expression never changed between something other than being bored as hell or having a cocked eyebrow. I don't think he even said a word. Just waited, smoked a couple cigarettes and observed. The epitome of stoic. I saw the bus driver thank trucker and the truck driver nodded and probably made a noise like, "hm" and then got in his truck and go. The dynamic was something like an uncle trying to help his nephew calm down. Like, "don't worry kid... life goes on. if you get fired just find a new job. shit happens". Current old Asian men (and obviously women) have been through a lot of shit for the most part. Their chill factor is through the roof when something goes down that others might consider a big deal.

[@supafun33]

Man, I’m high enough that the whole pronunciation of moose got me to rewind it 10 times laughing crazily

[@Nirmataa_]

Y’all should do an episode going through the search history from all the episodes 😂

[@mads4724]

I like the more woodsy studio, this looks like they are having a meeting in a space ship board room.

[@dirty93]

I like the 'let's analyze Burts emotions and life from Toms POV' direction.

[@user-zn3cf8kr4r]

56:00 Finally Enny gets to research something he's into.

[@randahlliebelt8603]

It's hilarious how Tom feels he needs to ask permission for a sidebar

[@tonyf.6640]

I remember when they did the crossover episodes with Bad Friends and Tom said something along the lines of “why are we doing this, this only benefits them.” Ya’ll should ask them to return the favor. 🤣😂🤣 And yes, I absolutely came here just to talk sh*t. I’ll see myself out. 🤙🏼 #BadFriends

[@Prodigz93]

Bert looks amazing honesty.

[@jedjdwyer]

Shannon Doherty isn't even in the witches of Eastwick 😂 classic Bert

[@kalyntaylor11]

That'a boy Bert. Doing that research I sure as hell wanna know about!

[@glenrogers2398]

2 weeks ago Bert was an expert on health and dealing life advice to people in their 20’s. Now he’s an expert in black culture

[@danamaconi7680]

I would not let my teenage daughters be friends with Bert’s daughters

[@dougswamprat5275]

Why can't we just get Tom with a guest bear every week?

[@DefferJohn]

Witches from what, Bert?!?!? Wow, you must be such a super fan of Shannon Doherty. Omfg! Classic Bert. 😂😂

[@xDMG15x]

Did he mean Charmed or was she in another witch thing?

[@MisterHella]

I love pro wrestling. With all my heart. I don't like watching wwe tv anymore. But AEW tv has really got me back in. I know wrestling isn't for a lot of people. But its cool seeing yall be so accepting!

[@stevelovelace988]

Love the honesty you 2 are awesome

[@bellablondie712]

How has Bert not been diagnosed with adhd yet.Said by a fellow adhder, so absolutely no judgement

[@stianh6164]

Would be bad pr for us. 😂

[@jay14847]

Choose your words carefully bert @56:53 😂😂😂😂

[@trentaucion882]

I’m 5 weeks in training I just did my 5k this past weekend. Surprisingly I did it in 26 minutes!

[@Snowboardingmedo1318]

MOOSEN!!!!! THEYRE THEYRE IN THE WOODSEN 😂😂

[@GravityJWST]

That fuckin hoodie slaps Tom 🎯💯😌👍🏾🪩🪩🪩🪩‼️ Real shit💯🛸🥂

[@richarddangles69]

Looks like he went into Danny Brown's closet b4 the pod 🤙

[@MegaWilloughby]

Richard Pryor and Paul Mooney were at the Friers Club