The Best Antidote for Fear in Your Relationship (It's Not What You Think)

[@vane12685]

I feel like this is important in all relationships not just in a Swinging life-style. The open communication to be able to express how you feel without feeling shamed for it.

[@vane12685]

Just heard the last minute or 2 and you said this same thing. lol.

[@noambank]

@@vane12685 תםלםםךםלתתתםךתל ת תצתךתלךתתםתתתתתתתתתתתתתתתתתתלתתתתךתלתתלתתתתתתתתתתתתתתךתתךךךתםתלתתלת

[@adolffriesen5586]

I think that you should always be able to help your own life with your husband ever had a very deep relationship with someone else that was not your husband ever ever had before

[@buddyalton1347]

There is a reassurance from pleasing a new person with something you've pleased your partner with. It's like reaffirming that you actually do please with that action rather than wondering if your partner was just stroking your ego.

[@PowerofTruth66]

I’ve never heard about someone preparing for fear before. How do you prepare for fear? I feel that a better thing to prepare for is how you feel about what you feel might happen. I feel like a better thing to prepare for is what is hiding behind the fear....not fear itself. I feel like the feelings of fear is a BS emotion because it doesn’t tell us what’s really going on. I feel that radical honesty really can never happen if we are concerned about how I partners may perceive what we saying. I feel that what we say should remain independent of how our partners may receive what we say as long as it is done in a caring and loving way. Why? Because that little bit that you leave out is exactly what is preventing your relationship from skyrocketing to the next level. Also, we can never know how our partners will perceive what share with them anyway. It will always be filtered through their own set of unique experiences that have since birth. So let’s assume that my partner is open and honest in expressing how they feel about (fill in the blank). On my best day I my be getting half way to really understand how they feel because I’m not them. I feel that the best we can hope for is to put it out on the table and what our partners do with the information is more about them than it is about what I shared with them. Right now millions of couple are in “couples jail” of their own making because that lack the courage to be honest with each other because they feel like they have to dance the “right” dance so that their partner will remain in the room. They actions that I take are do not take are 100% my own. Even If this has not gone so well in a previous attempt I see own it to myself and to my partner to be honest and tell them the Truth even if they decide to leave the room...dissolve the partnership. And for those that say that sounds easier said than done this is precisely the reason to do it and why most couples don’t. Also, I do believe a simulation is anywhere close to experiencing the real thing. Sure we can do a trial run darling and I just hope that we both perform responsibly when the lights are dimmed. Most things in life is counter-intuitive....You said, “we have the least amount of fear when we are with another couple”....Now this makes total sense to me but I’m sure it flies totally over the head of most people because they are so possessive about another’s body. A highly emotionally connected and honest consensual non-monogamous couple walks into a Swinger’s party and another man starts respectfully flirting with the man’s wife....What does the husband do. 1. He becomes angry with his wife for causing such a stir. 2. He becomes angry with the man for overstepping his boundaries...he feels he’s being disrespectful. 3. He becomes angry at both his wife and the other gentleman. 4. He doesn’t even notice ...it’s as if another version of himself is admiring and flirting with a gorgeous, hot woman. It’s not about overcoming jealously....the jealousy is simply not there. If it’s there you’ve got a ton of work to do on yourself. Even if both of you are in the same room aren’t you still imagining to a certain degree? I mean you are not John and John is not you so when you see each other being pleasured by another man or woman you still don’t know what that feels like but you can imagine what it feels like. Now when you’re not in the same room the imagination gets a bit more vivid but it is imagination nonetheless. I feel this is more about have a control issue more than anything else with couples but what we don’t realize is that it’s a false sense of control. You know something John and Jackie...the beauty is always there to see. We can always choose to see the beauty in situation if we choose to do so. You guys have put in the work and that is what allows you to have the freedom that you enjoy. Most couples want the freedom but they don’t want to invest the emotional labor. The worst thing that could ever happen to us is that we have a thought...and most of the time those thoughts are largely inaccurate. Why wouldn’t any couple find joy in compersion? There could only be a few reasons.... 1. The emotionally immature. 2. They are being dishonest with themselves and their partner. If I say I want the best for you. If I say I want you to be happy and you are involved in a situation or with someone that is making you happy and that makes me unhappy I’m a liar. I only wanted you to be happy as long as it was always doing what I wanted you to do. The bottom line to this is that a non-monogamous lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the emotionally immature couple. It is not for the couple who is already having relationship problems and they believe that swinging is the WD-40 to loosen things up. It’s an enhancer. It’s an amplifier. It can take your relationship to the next level or it will eat your relationship for dinner. You guys are a great example of where it can go but most couples won’t get there. For those that do it will be a fucking blast!!! Thanks for a great video. You guys are awesome.

[@openlove101]

Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective...very informative.

[@PowerofTruth66]

@@openlove101 My pleasure...sorry for the typos but I think the content is still valuable.

[@serajfakir]

The 2 of You have Honesty and Trust.. Awesome . I hope i can have this with my partner ....

[@itsbrittniewitchh5191]

it’s so hard to get to this level 😫 it feels like one step forward ten steps back

[@donstripe4911]

JACKIE la very pretty

[@wasclit11]

You two are the most stable intellectual couple I have ever seen. Your open honest communication is like no other I have experienced, but even with all that being said you have to know you run the risk of falling in love with another person. I don't believe you can completely separate sex and emotion, but knowing you two you have already discussed that possibility and have come to an agreement on how to deal with that if it should occur. Most likely you would part friends, wish each other a happy life and move on.

[@latinaalma1947]

I will tell you my mates experience in swinging for nearly 10+ yrs age early 20s to 37. He and his wife got into swinging about three yrs after marrying. They tested it by him convincing his wife to sleep with a close male friend of theirs who had recently divorced and wasnt dating yet. My mate wanted to decide if he could stand her having sex with anyone else and he trusted his friend.He did NOT join in the play. He later realized that for himself he should have because he felt left out and so the next time they played (not with their friend)with an experienced couple. He learned from that that he wanted to be with her and be able to touch her and also do thing to her if there were a threesome MMF. They eventually graduated to OTHER many swinger activites they enjoyed. He just wishes he hadnt had that alone feeling for their first time. He KNEW his wife was perfectly safe, she wasnt goi g to fall in love with the friend but still he felt lonely and excluded and he didnt HAVE to have that feeling. It would have made that experience easier for him had he joined in. He did this to see if he could TAKE this empotionally and to see how she would like it and she did so they continued. I was never in swinging at all. We have had a great sex life because he was such a terrific lover...loves to please a woman and REALLY knows how. His wife DID fall in love eventually with someone married she met swinging. She left her husband briefly went to where the man was and stayed a month until she realized he was not ready to leave his wife, then she came back. It did create issues of abandonment. Likely helping trgigger it was the fact her husband had business problems due to a bad economy at the time and he had to pour so much effort into pulling his business out of a tailspin. He eventually went bankrupt and she found someone else outsde swinging. She had already drawn up the divorce papers when she broke it to him he was shocked and unprepared because his business was reviving a new one, but she was done. He was crushed but bounced back in a few mos joining a large singles dating group. He never went back to swinging because he met me. I wasnt horrified by the idea and there was a swingers club he had attended with his wife in our city I told him I was willingto go SEE the sorts of people who were there but was not ready to jump into that immediately...I was too newly in love with him...I needed and wanted no one else. We didnt go and we moved eventually to a small coastal town where there were no clubs like that so the subject never came up.again we retired early from that town to sail the Caribbean and now live on land abroad. So it never happened. When we talk about it now I wonder if I could EVER have gone through with it.?? I am a clinical psychologist and have treated swingers and people for sexual dysfunction...but not swingers for their sex life but loss of a child etc non sex related problems. The people I have treated for sexual dysfunction it was related to psychological issues. My mate says he still would love to join me with another man but I have doubts about such a thing, not that I might fall for some other man but rather the embarassment I might feel just not sure I COULD do it. I know my husband is sincere because he saw his wife many times with other men and he had compersion enjoying seeing her enjoying herself and says he wants that experience with me...I KNOW he means it and having had those experiences he is sincere. It 's ME and my feeling of awkwardness of the idea that puts me off. Though I am a highly confident educated professional and have zero problem interacting socially in professional circles I feel awkard at the idea of being somewhere with everyone ELSE is far more experienced EXPERIENTIALLY not theoretically I lnow the literature on sexual function and psychology extrmely well having taught it as a professor to under grad and grad students.But thebidea of placing myself in that environmemt makes me feel like a small child, wary and concerned about being embarassed. I just dont know of I could do it... Sybil Francis PhD

[@chrisboyd4433]

This is a very big issue: Opening up about yourself with your partner and having them get angry/upset. It makes it so hard for future honest conversations to get started.

[@hookedbyhurley8208]

Me and my wife are planning a vacation to either Temptations or Desires in mexico. Se are not in the lifestyle, buy very curious. Any recommendations?

[@perdedor3571]

did you go? how was it?

[@rogerledoux4741]

Let's see fear of losing your partner is very real given your partner is having sex with other people. Fear you are not as good as whoever he or she is now with. The problem I have with most of these videos is you absolutely minimize the possibility of these things happening. If it works for guys great but quit pretending it cant happen

[@sadysparks8243]

Wowwww thank you so much you two ❤❤🌈🌈🌈 I love watching the way you listen to each other. I love witnessing your process and I love your help in identifying I'm sometimes scared people I'm involved with are having a "better" or "more exciting" with someone else, especially someone new. I love knowing this is NORMAL to experience and I love choosing love and openness. I am excited for fear and jealousy to feel easier as time progresses. Excited to watch more of your videos I'm also curious if you both identify as heterosexual or if you've had or fantasized about experiences with other genders? ❤🌟🌟🌟🌟🌈

[@openlove101]

John and I aren't big into labels, if we are in an experience with play partners and we feel the desire, we are not opposed to engaging with anyone. There are a lot of play positions that require close contact between guys (and girls) so you've got to be comfortable with everyone in order to proceed.

[@aroundpizzaaroundpizza2483]

So if someone is "better" or bigget or pleases your spouse in Way shes never felt before ? How do you deal with that? Hiw do youbdeal with feeling of inadequacy?

[@openlove101]

Good question. I've often found that feelings of inadequacy say much more about us then it does about our partner. When I think John likes someone better than me or I think another is more attractive those are messages to me about where my self perceptions sit. It's also me cooking down my relationship to only the physical attributes of my relationship, instead of knowing the value and worth I bring to not only the physical side but the emotional side of the partnership. I'm not just in my relationship because I have or get good sex, but because I'm compassionate, I support John's ideas and want to see him succeed. I honor the trust we have for one another, I hold onto our secrets with the strength of a sentry. We lean on each other, care for one another, and realize we are the sum of all of who we are, not just one thing. Hope this helps.

[@Gambit8121-i7v]

I first watched a few of yalls videos untill I released that yall are absolutely Not truly in love and do Not have the same kind of bond that me and my wife have. Then it started making since why and how yall can actually do the things yall do! Good luck with your so called marriage. I give it 2 years

[@Gambit8121-i7v]

Ps...I wish yall would talk about and answer some of the mre real questions that you allways avoid. 1. How many times have yall got STD 2. Out of all the STD you have got are any life long that you can't get rid of such as Herpes? ( these are real questions I'm not trying to be rude) 3. I know yall are a older couple but I wonder how many accidental pregnancy happens with swinging partner? These are just a few questions that I'm sure many would like to here answers to it may help them make proper decisions based on risk ect. To many make it sound risk free you all should take responsibility and tell the risk not just yalls experience but being in the LS share experiences like STD pregnancy ect that u know of so people know

[@patrickpost494]

I, personally, found that it was compersion for me for my wife. My 2 different wives seemed to have a spectrum of sexual desires from loving to dominant. Being the loving end that they wanted to marry I was unbelievable trying to be agresssive. After losing the first to cheating I tried to teach the second about compersion with a MMF and endless conversation but she couldn't understand why I was not jealous. I was left to ignoring cheating. 37 years is a long time so please share with subs the difference between sex and love!

[@messengerofgoodnews]

John should perhaps stay away from saying silly things at the end of each video...jajajaja because it seems like such a disconnect from his personality IN the video. He goes from being a very thoughtful, empathic, communicative individual to a jokester that sometimes comes off as douchey...idk Got nothing but love for you guys but the end seems to kill the momentum the video has. Just an idea. ;)