The Callisto Protocol (Zero Punctuation)

[@theescapist]

Sorry for the late upload on this! Family was in town for the holidays today and completely slipped my mind. Enjoy and we'll see you in the new year! - Nick

[@joeyparkhill8751]

Better late than never!

[@durpson]

I'm confused, why was Callisto Protocol reuploaded on the website and at the same day the next game should have?

[@powerplay9422]

@@durpson This

[@szabolcsmiko4866]

@@durpson yahtzee is on a break, there arent supposed to be another episode coming out this week

[@szabolcsmiko4866]

@@durpson the reupload might have been a mistake, it happens to the best of us

[@samwill7259]

The way Yahtzee always seems to be the last person that reviews a game means that if it's really, REALLY bad you can snuggle up and get ready for the fireworks ahead of time

[@Mopman43]

You're aware they go public on youtube a week later? This was up on the Escapist last week, or on youtube if you're a paid subscriber to the Escapist youtube channel.

[@BLZ231]

It varies. Sometimes if he’s aware everyone else has already shit all over a game he’ll go easier on it out of pity. Clearly not this time though.

[@jibjibs9401]

The Wagon Wheel looked weird. Like it’s blue which should be jammy but it’s a different shade.

[@agenericaccount3935]

@@Mopman43 Relax homie

[@bigrathole]

@@Mopman43 In their defence last week would still have made Yahtzee one of the last reviewers to check this one off. but of course a good roasting is never too late.

[@TBP]

If quitting and reloading is quicker than dying and respawning, take your game back to the Taco truck and try again. That might as well be rule one of game design.

[@enriquejoseantequerasanche6180]

I disagree, sometimes a long death animation can be interesting/thematic. Now, if you're not making them skippable so the player can chose "I'm tired of this one, I'll pass" , that's unforgivable

[@Mernom]

@@enriquejoseantequerasanche6180 you can't disagree with him while agreeing with him. That's illegal! (psst, skippable death scenes = not slower than quitting to menu)

[@IanDunbar1]

Careful, rather than make the animations quicker, they'll just make it take longer to reload. :D

[@M0BEYDICK]

Too Human did it better!

[@aprinnyonbreak1290]

The exception, of course, is games where the death animations are the core content. Like in most porn rpgs where after getting beaten by the flower monster, your reward is getting to snuggle up with the flower monster and have its babies.

[@thisismyname1940]

"Prey and Dead Space made some really ingenious improvements to the System Shock formula. With that in mind, we're taking the shittiest parts of each of them and making a game out of that."

[@TacoEX1]

EXACTLY.

[@mr_space_toast]

I’m fucking dying 😂😂😂😂

[@blakecasimir]

This should be the top pinned comment. Maybe it'll convince more people to play System Shock or Prey... 😏

[@colinburke8389]

I like the game and I'm still chuckling at that, have an upvote!

[@CPTHAP]

Apparently the devs "realized" that speeding up the healing/reload animations made the game much more playable, so they implemented that change. And apparently that fundamentally changes the way the game plays entirely. I remember hearing Brad Shoemaker (now of Nextlander) remarking that the game would have felt a lot more different to play through with how fast the animations play out now. And if you ask me, it sounds like no one playtested the Callisto Protocol if something like this can even be made possible.

[@blastinus3714]

The healing in particular is such a bizarre design choice. In Dead Space 1, you pressed a quick heal button and you got healed on the go, no hassle. That's because they realized that you almost certainly would have to heal in the middle of a tense firefight and if recovering took any longer than "Right the heck now!" you were probably going to be reloading a checkpoint. How is it that the folks who made this game forgot that simple point?

[@Ckoz2829]

@@blastinus3714 They were trying to make it like The Last of Us, but I think healing in that game takes half the time it does in Callisto. It also explains the melee combat. TLoU did it too.

[@sarge019l4]

​@@Ckoz2829 the reason it works in The Last of Us, besides being faster (And being able to upgrade to faster still), is that the level design and enemy ai allows you to get away and hide in cover to do the long heal. Whereas the Callisto Protocol is all tight rooms/corridors with very aggressive enemies.

[@jcohasset23]

All of the patches that have been released have improved things so they aren't as bad (though the game definitely was poorly optimized on PC and playing on the PS5 is strongly encouraged). Yahtzee tried them out during the Post-ZP stream last week so it might lift the game from being on his Worst of 2022 list to Bland of 2022 list. I think what really hurt this game is how much it was anticipated to be a spiritual successor to Dead Space yet Callisto Protocol plays completely different from it.

[@Ckoz2829]

@@jcohasset23 I saw, the sped up healing and tweaked a few things. I’ll play it again when NG+ comes out. I thought the game as it was was only ok. Even with these improvements, I’m thinking it’ll still be average, but a little polish never hurts.

[@bird3713]

Times like these make me reflect on what I really liked about dead space. -Creepy atmosphere; immersive UI -Creative and thematic enemies, along with creative and thematic weaponry - Cutting-edge graphics -While the brutal death sequences were memorable, I really liked the action-packed cutscenes where Isaac gets the snot smacked out of him and he gets back up and charges ahead -Delicate balance of health, ammo, and upgrades -Every once in a while, you think you’re safe and then there’s a stalker in the elevator If you want to recreate its magic, you can’t just pick a handful of them; you’ve got to assemble as many as you can.

[@meloncholy428]

Go in a bit back on the weapons, all the weapons felt and sounded great, very punchy. Each weapon felt like they had their use but never felt like a bad idea to bring.

[@bird3713]

@@meloncholy428 I love the line gun for that reason - I don’t know how damaging it really is, but the weapon has some heft and great sound.

[@DizzyScorpia]

The elevator thing only happens twice in the whole series. Doesn’t mean that I don’t sit in the corner aiming across in every single elevator in the whole series.

[@ZackRToler]

@@meloncholy428 And like the OP said, they were unique, cus lot of them were mostly power tools on a planet cracker mining ship. The plasma cutter: meant for engineers to cut through softer minerals. Supercollider Contact Beam: Engineering tool meant to pound and soften hardened minerals Ore Cutter Line Gun: a more heavy-duty plasma cutter for cutting rock and ore into bits and pieces Graviton Accelerator: Meant to shatter rocks, move rocks in low gravity to other miners, or deflect dangerous debris One major acceptation is the pulse gun which is used by security

[@DarkHypernova]

@@DizzyScorpia Exactly! You don't need a ambush in every elevator, just make it feel you CAN be ambushed is enough to put you on edge.

[@robbieking4070]

2:04 “Hee-hee-hee, free damage for me~!” I can already think of several game enemies that quote can apply to.

[@appelofdoom8211]

Medusa heads are that for me

[@robbieking4070]

@@appelofdoom8211 Good choice. For me, it’s the Primal Aspids from Hollow Knight

[@Farowlol]

If anyone genuinely hates these moments in TCP, consider using the telekinesis ability that the game provided you with for free.

[@Zurie]

@@Farowlol If the developers make an upgrade that totally side steps a mechanic of the game, then it is very likely that said mechanic is a bad one, and they should change it, instead of making players choose between it, and other upgrades.

[@Farowlol]

@@Zurie I have no idea what you're talking about, it's not an upgrade you choose over anything, it's an ability that is forced upon you much like Kinesis from Dead Space. Removing the block button from fighting games because it exists to sidestep the attack button is a funny concept, though. I'm starting to think people are getting paid to hate on this game, I have never witnessed such brainrot.

[@argkitsune]

The Callisto Protocol is to Dead Space what Back 4 Blood was to Left 4 Dead.

[@mkchillin]

That’s the most damning indictment of this game possible.

[@darthcinema4262]

That's a sick fucking burn, but both Callisto Protocol and B4B deserve it because they are disgraces.

[@Radicalbeast]

B4b is fun for different people then l4d. Being able to customize your character and how you play is more fun for some than everyone is pretty much playing the same thing but different skins like in L4D. Personally I enjoy both . They are Both are great for different reasons.

[@BeefMeisterSupreme]

@@Radicalbeast the issue for b4b is the same as the callisto protocol: they were both touted as spiritual successors to their respective forebears, when they clearly aren't.

[@MusicoftheDamned]

@@sunderedsoul6495 "Misery loves company" is an adage for reason. That said, the world could have gone without at least one of them since it was already full crappy talentless "spiritual successors" just in the game department even recently between stuff like _Balan Wonderworld_ compared to _NiGHTS_ and _Mighty No. 9_ compared to _Mega Man_ (the Classic series). To say nothing of all the _Doom_ and _Dark Souls_ clones if we're including "spiritual successors" for series that aren't even dead or in limbo. In fact, I have to wonder if at this point there aren't already more bad games than even bad films that would be examples of this even with all those crappy Friedberg and Seltzer movies that "spun off" from the _Scary Movie_ series. Hmmm....

[@Sunfire5914]

From everything I've seen, Callisto Protocol is to Dead Space as Lord's of the Fallen is to Dark Souls

[@First-Last_name]

Nice burn

[@Tsunamidusher]

Oof, that's a... Fwoosh. Take my like, buddy

[@ArcaneAzmadi]

Now that's not fair... to Lords of the Fallen. At least it was just a bland, boring, badly-balanced rip-off of Dark Souls. It wasn't completely and utterly inept on every level like The Callisto Protocol.

[@SliderGamer55]

I'll be honest, this entire stupid game was worth being made just for getting to hear Yahtzee say "omnomnomnomnom".

[@ThatDamnRaccoon]

2:11 Yahtzee Omnomnom Button

[@carpedm9846]

@@ThatDamnRaccoon EEE! Omnomnomnom Thanks for the timestamp

[@tarikja]

:3

[@CBRN-115]

:3

[@robbieking4070]

Hee-hee-hee, free damage for me~

[@maxvitor7023]

"Hehehe, free damage for me :3" I love this 🤣🤣

[@sasukesarutobi3862]

I'm not sure how I feel about hearing the sliced meatball sandwich analogy while literally slicing meatballs for a wrap.

[@God-ld6ll]

well i am

[@OnyxJaguar]

Gottem

[@seokkyunhong8812]

Wait, why were you slicing meatballs? They are meat balls, not meat hemispheres

[@sasukesarutobi3862]

@@seokkyunhong8812 They were too large to fit into the wrap without being cut up

[@aelechko]

@@sasukesarutobi3862 go to the store and get larger wraps. Do not compromise the ball!

[@kabobawsome]

Callisto Protocol really is a great example of how much more animations can affect than non-developers think. Bad animations can make a game bad, all on their own, because how you deal with animations determines A LOT about how the game feels to play.

[@peteredwards2318]

As an avid gamer of three decades with no development experience at all, I would agree that animations have a great effect on the experience players get in the end product. Whether a game feels fluid and dynamic, or like trying to find a 3rd on a knackered old gearbox that should have been binned off fifteen years back, is often a direct consequence of how it is animated.

[@StrikeNoir105E]

The thing is, the animations themselves are not actually the issue in this game: the animation work is actually fantastic, i.e. everything in the game moves in a natural and "weighty" manner that properly conveys what the subject is. The problem is the devs wanting to highlight said animations so much that they ensure the players can't skip them, or making them so long just to highlight how good the animations are. Hell, the devs are on record as being proud of the animations, and indeed they have extra death animations as a selling point of their DLC season pass. As an example of how badly their focus on the animation compromised their gameplay and vice versa, when they released their most recent patch that increased the speed at which the player now heals, the animation now looks strange because it's been sped up unnaturally. The original long and slow animation was meant for gameplay in which the player needs to sit down and heal for a long time.

[@nathandts3401]

Too much focus on realistic animation is why I hate Red Dead 2.

[@peigeot9906]

The dodge mechanic of Callisto in a nutshell: you can't dodge to the same direction twice, if you dodged right next time dodge left

[@MauR1CEnl]

Yes, and that makes dodging really easy, but the game did not explain it really good. So it took me 2000 deaths to get it. 😅

[@demonintellect9834]

The problem is that seems random. I've done the dodge left and then right and still gotten hit.

[@Cysubtor_8vb]

@@demonintellect9834 It's not necessarily random, but more so a secondary problem with the dodge mechanic, which is that it doesn't have i-frames. Therefore, even though they intend for it to be automatic regardless of which direction you hold, some of the enemies have attacks that are bigger than the dodge...

[@seokkyunhong8812]

I hope everyone likes playing Mike Tyson's punch out

[@ArcaneAzmadi]

Callisto Protocol combat: press left. Then press right. Then press left. Then press right. Then press left. Then press right. Oh, and mash the attack button when you have the chance. Also it doesn't work in any way whatsoever when you get attacked by more than one enemy at a time, which is a lot of the time. Jesus fucking wept, how did this system even get through alpha without someone pointing out "Hey, this combat system kinda sucks big hairy balls"?

[@PattheBassist]

God I love me a pissed off Yahtzee. Wonderful critique!

[@CBRN-115]

The more he is pissed off, the better

[@Duchu26]

Ah yes, yet another "Game from the creators of" that turns out to be made without any of the competent people from the original studio. Back 4 Blood, anyone?

[@mrshmuga9]

It seems you’re more likely to get what you want if the game was made by people who _played_ and _inspired_ by the original rather than the people who were actually involved. I guess in some weird way that makes sense. The people who played it know why they love it better than people who created it, because the creators already had a vested interest (their idea/work) versus a player that doesn’t automatically have that investment, and has to be convinced from nothing.

[@setcheck67]

@@mrshmuga9 Inspired has been pretty iffy too. I mean inspired just means "this looks similar to the thing I'm doing so it is kinda inspiring". I will say any games being created from the MODDERS of a game is almost destined to be pure gold though as they loved the game so much to work for free on it and took ideas from the community, which devs just do not ever do.

[@UmJammerChelle]

@@setcheck67 Fallout: The Frontier though...

[@Nickulator]

@@mrshmuga9 Sounds good, until you realize that Glenn Schofield and his team (the people who created Dead Space) are literally the same ones who made Callisto. When EA shut down their development studio, they left to make their own studio, which is the one who made Callisto Protocol, with Glenn at the helm. It might not be 1-1 all the same people, but it's definitely the majority including the creator himself.

[@mrshmuga9]

@@setcheck67 Not necessarily. Plenty of indie devs are making games that _are_ genuinely like the game they were inspired by. Most prominently are the Paper Mario-inspired games. There's so many that they even came together to make their own "Paperverse Direct" to showcase them all. The broadened the term for what they show (typically RPG's or paper-aesthetic games), but it started because there were/are a bunch of PM-inspired games and people wanted to know what's available. Games like: Bug Fables, Born of Bread, The Outbound Ghost, Flynt Buckler Wakes the Sleepy Castle, Seahorse Saga, Tale Feathers, and so on. They all are RPG's, with action commands, and partners that help you in battle with their own moves. Some are still in development, but regardless they are emulating the originals better than what the actual studio putting out. Because the people in charge of Paper Mario for the last decade wanted to make it into something completely different.

[@nawf4372]

Got to love that, when Dead Space was in teacher Yahtzee's class originally, he would always get onto it for not paying attention and fidgeting. Now that he's older and has even worse students, he's holding up Dead Space as an example they should strive to be.

[@CBRN-115]

Seems like video games rarely improve

[@VitZ9]

@@CBRN-115 I'd argue they've gotten worse than ever before. If it keeps going this way, people will just stop playing games. A lot of other recreational hobbies like Lego and boardgames saw a huge rise in popularity during the pandemic, but not video games. They are at peak saturation of society right now, and everything comes to an end some day.

[@crushycrawfishy1765]

@@VitZ9 They've only gotten worse if you only focus on Triple A games and nothing else. INdie scene is full of wonder and invoative games. You're also getting older.

[@Nyghtking]

@@crushycrawfishy1765 Getting older probably has something to do with it, i'm 32 and I recently moved to a new house and it's been about 3 months and I haven't hooked up any of my consoles, the only game I really play anymore is Legenda Of Runeterra. My consoles are sitting behind me in the same box I packed them in when I moved.

[@thomastakesatollforthedark2231]

​@@crushycrawfishy1765you know just as well as me that the indie market is just as bad as AAA. The only difference is there's so much shite with si little advertising for each game that most people will only hear about the good ones

[@FatAlbert1020]

“Stupid neutral” is my new favorite insult, right next to “half-baked cupcake” and “unfinished bottle of soda”

[@BooRadley742]

I have watched several reviews of this game so far because I enjoy watching people shit on games that are shit (I am a fan of zp afterall) and the funny thing is, everyone describes the dodge mechanic differently. Some say you only need to hold in any direction and they dodge, others say you have to do a series of directions or every other direction. It must be very poorly designed.

[@Athrun82]

The dodge is indeed tricky. For example if you want to avoid swing after swing you have to hit left-right-left-right (or vice versa) as the game states "Evade the second attack in the opposite direction of the first dodge" This usually works but sometimes the dodge starts unexpectedly (I had the dodge animation while i was pushing the block button). Also I played on Pc which seems to be easier controlwise then on consoles

[@First-Last_name]

You would love love "just bad games" by rerez. They tear down the worst of the worst ever.

[@ArcaneAzmadi]

I watched SkillUp's (completely negative) review, and when he explained how the dodge is automated based on the enemy's attacks, meaning you don't actually have any CONTROL over how your character dodges and also it completely breaks whenever you're being attacked by more than one enemy at a time (which happens a lot) I was just _flabbergasted_ that such an obviously-incompetent system managed to make it all the way through development. It's clearly a system that was designed with being "cinematic" in mind, rather than minor irrelevancies like being "playable".

[@marcosdheleno]

@@ArcaneAzmadi it "got away" for the simple reason it was "cinematic". a word we had forgotten, but was all the rage back when the third dead space yeeted fan desire for the series out of the air lock. ironically, DS3 is a far FAR more enjoyable game than calisto, by a wide margin.

[@alenezi989a3]

Exactly I heard ftom shillup that you only need to hold one direction and as long as you are holding it you are practically invincible since you automatically dodge everything and nothing can hit you. Maybe the confusion is that people think you need to time it precisely vs just hold the direction?

[@nicklager1666]

It feels like the game overdo it with jumpscares. At a certain point it just isnt scary anymore.

[@darthcinema4262]

Doesn't help that the enemies just aren't as scary as the Necromorphs from Dead Space

[@gregsmw]

jump scares arent scary when you expect a jumpscare it can be a bit tense waiting for the jumpscare you know is going to happen, but it doesnt scare you horror comes from the unexpected, from knowing there is something bad around the corner, but not what it is, from knowing there is danger, but not from where the moment you understand the danger it stops being scary, you know when you open the door something will jump at you, thats not scary its the same reason i find pretty much every "you cant kill the monster only run away" game to not be scary, cos after a certain point you are just going through the motions, oh the monsters here so i better run into this room and stand in a cupboard for a minute until it leaves, oh look its here again, hello cupboard my friend, it becomes frustrating, it becomes tedium jumpscares are the same, im of the opinion jumpscares are cheep horror to begin with, they arent necesary and good horror doesnt use them at all, but if you MUST use them, sprinkle them in, if theres a new one every 2 minutes they have no impact at all

[@matthewmuir8884]

I believe that jump-scares can never be truly scary. If there's no buildup, them the audience's reaction isn't fear; it's just momentary shock. But the whole point of a jump-scare is that it jumps out of nowhere with no buildup. Incidentally, this is also the reason I strongly dislike mimic enemies in video games; they're not scary, they're just annoying.

[@Maribel80ify]

True. All "scary" games I've played (not many) Doom 3, Dead Space, Dead Space 2 we're just filled with monster jumping out of nowhere to the point you just don't get scared anymore, it's more annoying than anything. Two steps look around to see if you trigged a spawn, two steps, look around pick up some ammo, two steps, SPAWN TRIGGERED, SHOT AT EVERYTHING. Repeat until you finished the game.

[@matthewmuir8884]

@@jlev1028 I have never played Dead Space 1. In any case, I'm not saying that jump scares can't be good; I'm just saying that they can't instill real fear.

[@alwest4472]

Honestly I want a survival horror which goes the way if evil dead, as in the main character gets ridiculously competent by the end and also much more deranged and actually interesting as a character. Edit: I believe I have been misinterpreted or vague. What I mean, is I want the first game to be a fairly clunky, hard and genuinely scary horror survival. All the way through. Then a 3rd game we didn’t need tbh, but in which the only returning character is the main one, and he’s less fussed by the horrors and generally stronger, as some say like resident evil 4. Then a 3rd game where horror doesn’t exist and the main character is the spiritual successor to duke nukem. In terms of actual games, I want silent hill 2, then resident evil 4, then devil may cry. With one main character, surrounded consistently by people whom no matter what still think they’re in silent hill2

[@nathank2289]

Unfortunately that conflicts with every devs need to make a pov protagonist a voiceless blank slate. Closest your going to get is Parasite Eve but Aya stays in control through the whole thing.

[@richardvlasek2445]

i mean isn't that kind of dead space 2 lol

[@Evilatem]

Condemned: Criminal Origins

[@baileyface54]

It's not survival horror but that's 100% the arch of Jason Brody in Far Cry 3, probably why it's so many peoples favorite of the series

[@varsoonhks3211]

Prey is entirely this. The game begins with you having very few ways to handle threats and having to stealth to avoid most enemies. By the end, you've terraformed the space station into your own playground of murder and no matter what is sent after you, you can easily destroy it so much so that you have become the monster on the space station.

[@Narakiomal]

I want Yahtzee's "Nom nom nom" at 2:10 to be a recurring soundbyte.

[@theholyduck5520]

"Gun-Tor accepts your sacrifice! Om nom nom nom. You have been granted a boon of six more dead cunts!"

[@CBRN-115]

:3

[@PrinsaVossum]

1:18 I LOVE the slight pause after The Calisto Protocol says "no".

[@geraldposter1496]

It's kinda sad. Dead space 3 ended on a cliff hanger that never got resolved, and then they went "hey know what'd really win back the fans? End our new game on a cliffhanger that might get resolved at some point or another". I'm not even a dead space fan (mostly cause i never got around to playing it) and that still puts a bad taste in my mouth.

[@BTVagrant]

Try the Awakened DLC. That's not a cliffhanger, it's The End.

[@chrisvisser-fee2631]

@@BTVagrant I think that might be what their talking about. I've heard a lot of people say Awakened ended on a cliffhanger, them apparently not realising that they were playing a horror game and good endings are optional.

[@addi543]

@@chrisvisser-fee2631they were hoping that it would lead to a Dead Space 4 where you’d be fighting more of those Moon Zombies, but EA cancelled the game because it didn’t make EA’s ridiculous sales goal

[@BTVagrant]

@@chrisvisser-fee2631 You've got it all wrong. Spoiler warning ahead: The moon you destroy in DS3 has brothers. When it reawaken or when we kill it, it sent a signal to it's brothers. Basically, Ellie is the one giving away the coordinates to Earth because she's the first one to leave in the aftermath. Also, a lot of the Unitologist left in the aftermath. So by the time Clark and Carver warp back to Earth, it's already too late, the moons are feeding off of Earth. Oh and everywhere where there are markers. Humans built markers everywhere. It's the end for humanity in that universe.

[@BTVagrant]

@@addi543 I heard they wanted to make Ellie the new protagonist and that she'd be looking for Isaac or something.

[@KAINEKROW9797]

I love that the art for this game has the hero slumped over, not so much wounded, as instead of just fucking done with today and deseperately tired.

[@almightyk11]

"You are in a prison so you must be a prisoner" is a trope I hate so much

[@ARStudios2000]

Like why couldn't I be some guy put there because i was literally in a goddamn space truck crash? Like put me in a med ward, i want THAT perspective.

[@almightyk11]

@@ARStudios2000 the "fancy HUD" still works as a medical tracker too

[@ARStudios2000]

@@almightyk11 See? Its totally possible! So many perspectives can be achieved in a prison

[@starkillerkate]

My high school Kevin Smith phase died with laughter at that opening joke

[@moosepotato4116]

What's the joke? Can you explain it?

[@Milaaq302]

Oh darn, I love Jason Lee and I thought he did the character

[@mrrazfromnz]

The deputy Rector at my high school was the cousin of actor Kevin Smith, who starred in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess and Young Hercules.

[@mrrazfromnz]

@@sapientunderground Yep. I'm not talking about the director.

[@edgardomartin8299]

@@sapientunderground but is he saying that the protagonist looks like Jason Lee? Because that never crossed my mind and even after the intro I dont see it.

[@YTHandlesWereAMistake]

I really hoped he'd mention the repeating boss fight and the 'd be mad at the dodge pattern which is simply dodging to different side each time, one to the left and one to the right.

[@Xumenade]

Always fun when he slips in a top/bottom 5 as the last review of the year.

[@hikikomoron]

Oh man, it's a Shame he didn't get to Signalis before his end of the year lists, an actual good survival Horror game from this year.

[@MarsAres]

The devs released a devlog series called Mastering Horror leading up to the game's release. They might have jumped the gun on that one.

[@BroAnarchy]

Props for you guys ACTUALLY using a picture of the moon Callisto lol. I know that sounds dumb, but that's an easy thing not to do right!

[@frostyblade8842]

I've missed Yahtzee ripping onto a truly bad game. This was even better than the regular ZPs I think, the descriptions were funnier and yet it still feels like a real review. Plus the overall dialogue just seems snappier for some reason

[@sonicmarsh232]

I really need game companies to realize that the animations are super cool the FIRST time, afterwards speed things along so we can get to the gameplay

[@Gutiotyu]

You reeaaalllly forgot to talk about the funny amounts of spike walls they threw in every sections of the game no matter where you are for conveniences of your gloves

[@Chackravartin]

I diddnt even realise they were for that untill like chapter 6

[@rusticgiraffe4262]

I didn’t have a terrible time playing the Callisto Protocol, but I did sit there wishing the new Dead Space would come out sooner the whole time.

[@jdbruiser]

I agree, searching health items in The Callisto is like "A completely stoned medical student in the communal kitchen at two in the morning".

[@benking3647]

this and the Gotham Knights reviews were the most brutal of the year, IMO. excellent work.

[@T0temp0leman]

The first direction you dodge in doesn't matter, you'll always dodge the attack. From then on out, if you dodge the opposite way each time, you can never be hit. Idk how they dropped the ball this badly.

[@vash01251]

I warned a friend to wait for reviews on this one and now he's butthurt that he didnt listen.

[@david-kc5hr]

"Cat piss poke balls" made me laugh harder than it probably should

[@darknight991]

Never has there been a more damning appraisal by Yahtzee as “The Callisto Protocol then, unashamed as a Dead Space clone by what has been to retroactively revealed to be the less competent of the two creators of Dead Space”. That made my cross my legs in second hand embarrassment. I have never felt more shame for someone I don’t know but I felt his pain even if said developer never watches this.

[@andrewhickinbottom1051]

Ahh, those Doom door textures

[@agentraf]

This just makes me more glad that I decided to use Signalis as my initial foray into survival horror than this game.

[@BTVagrant]

What an amazing game Signalis is. Costs 1/4 of Callisto and is 100x more of a survival horror. Everyone, please try Signalis.

[@theevokeruser2356]

@@BTVagrant i don't quite agree with the high praise for Signalis but its definitely better than Calisto Protocol. The honeymoon period for that game was over almost immediately whilst people continue to recommend Signalis. That should tell you everything. Rather have a simple and sort-of neat throwback to the old resident evils rather than something that is trying to piggyback off "from the creators of the original Dead Space"

[@ideitbawxproductions1880]

And right at the end, when you think the review is over, he's got to mention- ALL TOGETHER NOW!! 🎵RANDOM DOCUMENTS AND AUDIO LOGS🎵

[@jordanj809]

This game has had defenders crawling out of the woodwork to defend it. I wonder if any of them will be here next week

[@acephantom903]

I only saw a couple of minutes of gameplay on twitch and thought people were really into Deadspace again but nobody seemed to be enjoying themselves. Glad to see that is generally the feel of the game. lol

[@memeweirdguyn.0019]

Is an oddly exciting feeling knowing this will be the first year of me being subscribed to The Escapist meaning I'll *re-watch* all of this Zero Punctuation reviews instead of just eating the compilations of past years as I cannot have enough of this kind of videos

[@greghaggerty9996]

I'm pretty sure you can just hold the left stick in either direction and you'll successfuly dodge as long as you were holding it before the hit would land. I don't think enemy animations matter at all as far as which way to dodge, you could just hold left everytime and it would work as long as you then go right for the next hit in the combo.

[@tomkasjanowicz1654]

You also have to alternate sides to which you dodge if I remember correctly after each attack

[@drumrocka]

I feel the biggest problem with TCP *is* the focus on melee. I get that it’s TCP’s….. ahem….. “claim to fame”. And if it wasn’t there then the already obvious and very real similarities to dead space would be way more evident. BUT, the fear factor is lost because the fact that melee is the main form of combat means that you’re not terribly worried about being swarmed by enemies and not having enough ammo, because you’re meant to fight them hand to hand anyway. I reckon if they nerfed the melee, scrapped the dodge, and increased the ammo capacities ever so slightly, this game would have been a significantly better and more intense experience. No one I’ve talked to found this game even remotely scary, despite the fact that it really should be. DS1 and 2 are still pretty intense experiences for me and I’ve beaten both dozens of times. I (humbly) genuinely think if they made the adjustments I suggested, this game would have been way more well received.

[@katsasgeorge]

I was rooting for this game. Like many of us here. And it might as well have pushed me right into DS remake's arms.

[@lizzykayOT7]

David Suchet was the best Poirot. Watching Kenneth Branagh is hilarious though XD Happy Holidays Escapist staff!

[@hazukichanx408]

Gawd, I hate fricking auto-holstering. Apart from anything else, it's such a massive dump on player agency - Red Dead Redemption 2 just _assumes_ I don't want to be riding around with a rifle for more than four seconds unless I'm actively aiming down the sights, when I could just be out hunting and/or want to be ready if a wolf or cougar pops out. But nope, "Shit, been four seconds, cain't go ridin' with m' rifle all out in the open like this..." If your goal is to make me feel I _am_ the protagonist, do not have them do shit I didn't tell them to!

[@samleheny1429]

Remember how in Prey 2017 the 3d printing animation was impressive AND brief? Yeah... that was nice.

[@Waffletigercat]

I laughed unreasonably hard at that "teeheehee! free health for me! omnomnomnom!" bit.

[@Glic2000]

I guessed this was going to be a good video and I wasn't disappointed. One of the funniest Zps in a while.

[@yavorvlaskov5404]

I just started it today, played for around 3 hours, and man, would I not recommend it to anybody unless it's on a deep, deep sale. There are so many archaic elements - like a core feature of almost every battle being QTEs, through a fight-dodge-shoot system that is beyond clunky, and all the way through needing to click through multiple menu tabs to play a barebones recording you just obtained, and needing to just stand there and listen to it, otherwise it cuts out... the last thing is particularly annoying to me, games figured out 15 years ago that it is way more exciting for players to have those in the background. Only reason to design it in the current way is to pad out the already kind of short game duration. Couple of positive notes can be said for the visceral nature of the combat and the ambient atmosphere, though that too loses its charm faster than not.

[@sigpotato]

I didn't knew there was a competition for making dead space 3 look good

[@hourglass1988]

I got this game free with a new video card and thought it was a little odd. When they throw games in for free as a promotion they are usually at least a year old if not more. This one was brand spanking new which was a red flag for me. Now I'm even more hesitant to actually try it.

[@Ckoz2829]

It’s worth it to at least install it and admire how powerful your graphics card is. The one thing Callisto has going for it is that it’s a great looking game. And if you don’t like it, no loss! Just uninstall it and hide it away forever.

[@AeroDarkstar]

Man, that sheathe complaint reminds me of Witcher 3 at release. Geralt was always auto-sheathing right before the horde of dudes reached melee range, or auto-swapping swords because I was using the "wrong" sword as if I wasn't using that sword for a reason, not least of which because it's what I already had out and I'm trying to survive the dude trying to bash in my face. At least they added an option to remove auto-sheathing after the fact.

[@illCMAC]

I kept waiting for the part of the game that wasn't just "Dead Space but worse" and then it was over.

[@thomasmitchell4155]

I was on the fence on whether to at it to my ‘to play’ list but now I’m gladly getting off on the ‘not going to touch’ side of the fence after that insightful review.

[@MatthewSanthos]

They fixed some of the problems with the animations, now you can skip death animations, you switch weapons and heal way faster. At least the developers are listening to the criticism.

[@CBRN-115]

That's good. Though why didn't they just do that in the first place? Anyways, at least they listened to to criticism and fixed the problem. That's good to hear

[@MatthewSanthos]

@@CBRN-115 There were a lot of things they should have done in the first place, that they are doing now. Like shader compilation on PC. When the game shipped, there were none, which was the number one problem with the performance. They added shader compilation days later, but it was too late for me, I already had refunded the game. The worst part is, apperently the game didn't ship with shader compilation because of a mistake made by a single developer. Pretty costly mistake if you ask me

[@Narglesonamistletoe]

They should be listening to their QA department before releasing the game, though: Except then they would have to pay them, rather than having customers pay for the privilege of beta-testing. When you can just patch something in later, it's a lot more profitable to release a broken or unfinished product than it is to miss a deadline. They're not listening to criticism because the care, but because they don't have to pay these people for the work they put in. Same reason why every website or app now wants you to leave a review: It saves on the expense of market research.

[@stevenneiman1554]

2:40 missed an opportunity here. If the murderous enemy says "am I boring you" they should be holding a drill instead of a saw.

[@syndrome5372]

I literally guessed every single story beat in the first 10 mins of play, entirely in a joking way. Like "the sketchy prison warden is experimenting on the prisoners because he found an alien parasite! HAHA can you imagine. Its won't be that, it'll be way more creative than that"

[@kingsleycy3450]

Feels like this obviously should have been a third person shooter, but committed to a melee focus for some reason, and inexplicably didn’t even give you a fun primary melee weapon to use.

[@rdowg]

Callisto is the first game Ive played in years where I said to myself "did the interns make this game?" It's not that the game itself is awful, but the continuous piling on of rookie game dev mistakes really takes the piss out of it, then all youre left with is an okay combat system and gorgeous visuals

[@dangilboa6496]

And thus humanity has earned the canon definition for "Horror". Happy new year!

[@ejs_ethan]

Does anyone think that Yahtzee was surprised as to how much his character models used in ZP would be so recognizable from the thumbnails used on some podcasts (Slightly Something Else) to the character models in Adventure is Nigh

[@AscendantStoic]

0:44 Ouch! .. I'm not the person getting roasted here but I felt that all the way on the other side of the earth 😂

[@ejs_ethan]

"Spread by generic evil rich people" if that doesn't explain the AAA industry sometimes

[@CBRN-115]

Art imitates life. Seriously, does getting rich makes people inherently evil? Or is it the evil ones that tends to be rich?

[@ejs_ethan]

@@CBRN-115 it's the corruption and seeking of power, of which some have so much of, that they may not realize how much power they already have, and they start to crave more

[@angeldeb82]

ZP's Third Worst Game of 2022, as summed up by Yahtzee: "It's happened more than once that the very last game from the year ends up in my Worst List; maybe since it's after The Game Awards, mid-to-late December has become "Well, We've Officially Given Up on This Winning Any Prizes" Season. So yeah, The Callisto Protocol's bad. Maybe I'd have gone easier on it if it weren't so fresh in my memory, but much like ripping off the top of a dude's head so you can see his tongue wiggling about in the stump like a curious worm in a strawberry trifle, some wounds don't heal with time."

[@MyNameIsBucket]

My favorite part of Callisto Protocol is how we're now all forced to crawl back to EA and reward all their shitty corporate practices for that sweet, sweet Dead Space IP heroin. Ah, how refreshing. Now I just need to wash that down with a shitty dungeon crawler so I can feel good about buying Diablo.

[@maxwellraver4672]

Seems like a pretty classic case of aping Dead Space's homework without understanding what decisions made Dead Space work to begin with

[@Sin-Faoladh]

Not to mention the bosses can kill you in 1 to 2 hits on easy mode. Let me repeat. 1 to 2 hits on easy mode.

[@StrikeNoir105E]

The funny thing about the dodging system: the direction you need to dodge in only applies for the tutorial it's taught in. Afterwards, your direction no longer matters as long as you press down the dodge button. The only place where the direction matters is in the followup attack, where it always has to be in the opposite direction of how you dodged previously. Basically, if you dodged left for the first attack, you HAVE to dodge right for the next one, so you always have to do left-right-left-right etc... again regardless of the direction the enemy attacks from. It's an extremely simple dodging system once you get the hang of it, but that just actually adds to how dodgy (excuse the pun) the game is in terms of game design: it's counterintuitive and extremely arcadey.

[@Doctorgeo7]

At this point, if a game developer claims they are the maker of so and so, then I am going to assume it's poop until proven otherwise. Because it's safer than assuming it'll be half decent or better.

[@TheInfamousCloaker]

And surprise, surprise. Now they are making the reloads and such much faster with updates. Who could have guessed that would happen

[@maineiacman]

Enemies not having ragdoll physics when you push them back with the glove, making them stick to the ground right in front of you is a huge issue too.

[@Antsy-xk6be]

i love Callisto protocol and really didn't wanna watch a 5 minute rinse of the game BUT it's zero punctuation and i couldn't help myself this is too good

[@johnoneil9188]

Ridley Scott´s Punchout.

[@Merlincat007]

The visuals in the one are my favorite in a while 🤣

[@pootissandvichhere9135]

I got two of your books for Christmas Yahtzee! Mogworld Will save the galaxy for food!

[@breadchips4803]

Hope somebody gives credit for how you'll never know if the monsters will stay down or not

[@haggus71]

To those who don't get the joke, it's not Jake Lee but Josh Duhamel who plays the lead. Lee was the former skater in a bunch of shitty Kevin Smith movies. Josh Duhamel is the actor in a bunch of shitty Michael Bay movies.

[@Dreadjaws]

Remember when two of the writers of Scary Movie started making movies of their own and we ended up with trash like Epic Movie, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans? This is what the Callisto Protocol is. It's the Meet the Spartans to Dead Space's Scary Movie.

[@stevenneiman1554]

I remember when I was thinking about how Subnautica felt to play, I realized that the reason why it's so effective as horror is because it kills you so RARELY. A frantic scramble that's kind of dangerous but seems like a down-to-the frame escape from death is tense and makes you want to be more cautious. A dozen deaths gets you used to death and makes you stop caring.

[@AlfonsoSRT]

"...what has retroactively been revealed as the less competent of the two creators of Dead Space." Oof, man. That's a third-degree burn right there.

[@CharlemagneGuy127]

I’m glad I’m not the only one that died to the first enemy because I misunderstood the dodge mechanic as well. I thought I had to flick the stick as the attack was coming to dodge at the proper moment.

[@DaiyaDoggo]

4:50 note here, kids, the game is legitimately only 10 hours long for a 70 USD game

[@ZachHixsonTutorials]

Eh, just got it for free on EGS 🤷‍♂️

[@ShintyShinto]

I just love that last line.

[@aturn124]

TCP did some great things, and a lot of shit things. My biggest pain with the game is that the Devs decided to leave NG+ to the DLC drop in February. This decision will be extremely costly for them in my opinion. What's dropping in late January? Oh, that's right! The Dead Space Remake! I was really looking forward to playing NG+ and maxing out all my guns, but when you've got DSR and Hogwarts dropping in the same time frame as TCP's update, how many players are really going to stay loyal to TCP when you've got the revival flagship of Sci-Fi Survival Horror coming beforehand? I know they're dropping some more missions etc, but there's no way it will compete with DSR. The best thing that TCP did was highlight the capabilities of next-gen Sci-Fi horror, in regards to environments and audio. They did a great job with those things, but it really left a lot of things to be desired.

[@Truth4None]

Yeah. From what I've seen from other people playing, I have to agree with a lot of Yahtzee's criticisms here. If a game has health taxes, it's not a game I want to play.

[@-Big_Big]

was thinking you were gonna bring up the bit about the friend you get in the prison. when you finally meet up and he gets both of you space suits. and then you get split up. him getting knocked out of a door?. you exit out. AND HE IS JUST GONE! 5 miles away he is down on the ground. (THROUGH BLIZZARDS AND ROCK CLIMBING) after getting yeeted out. did he get yeeted all the 5 miles? past the .. outside mobs? why are the mobs outside randomly now?! I was like "what is even happening right now"

[@puffthecatpuff8931]

1:36 Sounds like Chexquest 4.

[@ANASPANremoverandomcrits]

Perfectly explained as usual. Dead Space with all the interesting bits sanded off. Enemy design so iconic and distinct from one another, that it follows Valve's design philosophy that the mere silhouettes are instantly recognizable. Weapons and alternate fire modes that provide more variety in combat against even the most basic enemies than the entire of... god why is it abbreviated as CP... CP's plot is so overdone it made Outlast's look incredible by comparison. "Evil Science about failed supersoldiers" is so basic, it got outdone by Nazi fucking Zombies.

[@MegamanXfan21xx]

Oh yeah, that's another thing. Weapon alt-fires are locked off as upgrades you have to buy. And they cost ridiculous prices, like 3000 credits in comparison to the 400 for earlier upgrades.

[@Densoro]

As a Caravan Palace fan, I solve this problem with the rule of threes. Three letters from each word. CarPal, meet CalPro

[@nuclear_mech_wizard]

I love the visual of Jimmy Fishlips coming home to his lil fishsticks

[@living117]

I actually don’t hate this game and appreciate that the developers were trying to do something with melee focused combat, but man oh man did he hit the nail on the head when talking about the difference between frustration and horror. I didn’t die that much during deadspace or RE4 but because of limited ammo and health it always felt tense during the action segments. In callisto when i role into action i just think, “how many times will i die before the next section”

[@deanospimoniful]

I can only assume being elbow-dropped by a McRib is far more interesting than any experience this game can offer.

[@spencerwilkie4218]

The dodging was really easy, I'm not sure why so many causals had issues with that lmao I found the dodging kinda broke the game

[@matttipton6009]

I used the accessibility setting that made all dodges successful and turned on auto QTE. Made the game more pleasant to play. I like the graphics and feel like this needed some tweaks to live up to its potential.