The COMMON MYTHS About Relationships & How To ACTUALLY Find Love | Humble The Poet & Jay Shetty

Today, I am talking to Kanwer Singh aka Humble the Poet. Humble is a toronto-bred mc/spoken word artist with an aura that embodies the diversity and resiliency of one of the world’s most unique cities. He stimulates audiences with ideas that challenge conventional wisdom and go against the grain, with dynamic live sets that shake conventions and minds at the same time. Humble's latest EP titled Righteous/Ratchet features the first single H.A.I.R, a celebration of women of all shapes, sizes, hair and walks of life. His self directed video for H.A.I.R has amassed almost 2 million views since its release. The video features KZbin sensation and longtime collaborator, Lilly Singh. His first book Unlearn: 101 Simple Truths For A Better Life was published through Indigo Press in October 2017 and became Heather's Pick and has stayed on the Globe & Mail Bestsellers list since its release. Humble's next book Things No One Else Can Teach Us was released in the fall of 2019.
What We Discuss:
00:00:00 Intro
00:04:54 Why do we try to impress others?
00:06:46 Self-esteem versus self respect
00:12:27 What makes us resilient?
00:17:04 Not everybody’s going to like you
00:20:27 Be in relationship with yourself first
00:25:36 There can’t be love if there’s resentment
00:34:14 How to develop a healthy relationship?
00:40:21 We are attracted to what’s familiar, not what’s healthy
00:54:46 Not getting a reward is not a punishment
00:58:47 When you’re in a romantic relationship with someone
01:06:45 Love is simple

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction

[@MaggieRabbitDuke]

D

[@humblethepoet]

Thank you so much for having me.. this was an awesome conversation.. the book is now available everywhere books are sold 😊

[@estelacortes741]

Just bought my copy of your book because of this interview I’m excited !

[@Josuue1]

Do you speak in your book about how you sexually assaulted a woman in 2019? Disgusting.

[@samanthanelson5143]

@@Josuue1 You were in the corner playing with yourself? Be transparent with all of us with how you witnessed this. Every Justice System in the world requires this.

[@SuperDG333]

Thank you for what you’re doing! 🙏🏾☮️

[@troyallenart817]

Always LOVE hearing your perspective Humble..Also really Enjoyed your conversation on the Breakfast Club.💯☯️💯

[@Rrrrr000]

We say we want Love but we can’t bare the bareness we will have to endure to have it.

[@carolynwinkelspecht2584]

“Not getting a reward is not a punishment” SO GOOD. Don’t play their game

[@daph3007]

This conversation is like the elementary learning of love that no one taught us. We had to live and learn through toxic relationships to understand what self love and worth is

[@originaleverythingelseisca5977]

Facts

[@KingoftheRoad-2023]

1:21 shetty always EXAGGERATES these introductions.Just make it simple and small instead of the HYPERBOLE in introductions

[@lisanovin4107]

“It’s not about getting everything you want; you end up wanting less.”

[@njneuro]

This helped me sooo much! What I learned in this episode was that women get deceived by love bombing and being a challenge; as soon as we start liking the guy, he realizes the lack of compatibility and runs away. The mistake I have made is constantly trying to improve my relationship skills to save a relationship rather than finding the right person who is healthy and compatible for me! This conversation restored my peace and happiness! Thank you so much! So grateful! And wonderful to be part of an amazing fun conversation with wavelengths who are so similar!

[@nengahtung3756]

Such a well put realisation👌

[@davidortiz7671]

52:00 this really hit home

[@UtkarshBegiens]

This episode was brilliant. We are sold completely different definition of "Love" through society. This could save so many years of someone who wants to understand Love, which we all aim to do in our lives. My takeaways from this episode - 1) When we think about a person from the past An Ex for example, we don't miss them, we miss the way they made us feel. 2) Listen, stop bragging that you were chosen over somebody else, most likely you were chosen because you have less boundaries. 3) Chasing the delicious will never bring you around the nutritious. 4) If you feel alone, you can't outsource that, you cannot address that on the outside. 5) We're so addicted & obsessed with what feels good that we're not able to focus on what is good. 6) To go from a bad place to a better place, we have to travel through a worse place. 7) We have to realize that not receiving a reward is not the same as a punishment. 8) Expectations are going to only close more pathways to love. 9) When I feel enthusiastic about somebody, I want to share my world with them that doesn't build a connection as much as me enthusiastically diving into their world. 10) Love is fuel not glue, love doesn't keep us together, love is what we use to work at it. Thanks to both of you for this gem of a episode. Will grab a copy of this book soon. I am also a work in progress as far as Love is concerned.

[@ibby421]

I like how humble transforms his experiences into teachings for others. It's not all about 'his story' but more about the things we share and how we can all grow through these reflections.

[@carolynwinkelspecht2584]

Yes Jay! I can only speak for myself as a woman, but we do it too! We also focus on winning the guy over in the beginning and once he’s expressed that he wants a relationship and has developed feelings, we backtrack and evaluate if this is really the person we want to build a relationship with.

[@nanamksnsks8523]

Thank you for being honest and reflective

[@originaleverythingelseisca5977]

I read a book about that, how u want, want, want something then you get it, u don't want it anymore.

[@NotUrAverage786]

I don't know if I agree that women generally seek to win men over before evaluating and establishing true connection and compatibility, in the same way men do. I believe John Gray describes it best in his 5 stages of dating, one of which is "uncertainty." All individuals go through this stage whilst dating and it doesn't necessarily result in backtracking and abandoning the "relationship" entirely. I think the key is to take things slow. As Dating with Dignity coaches would say "the slower you go, the faster you get there".

[@NotUrAverage786]

@Original everything else is carbon copy This reminds me of a scene from the movie, The life of David Gale, where Kevin Spacey's character is speaking about fantasies and how when they become reality, we don't want them any more. I think it's true cos we often project our expectations and desires onto others without recognising it.

[@xavierjoshi2261]

This is a great example of the Sikh and Hindu bond. We are and WILL ALWAYS be one! Our vedic knowledge is eternal. 🇮🇳

[@vabhs11]

I feel like someone bombarded me with sanity.......so much open conversation...loved it...thankyou

[@gourideshmukh943]

"Easy day at the gym is not the Great one"❤️

[@LazarusStr]

I fell in love (no pun intended) with this conversation. There was a plethora of mentally enticing thoughts that were inviting, honest, human, and just straight uplifting. I will replay this like I replay my favorite song's ❤️ I'm grateful to have had this auto played. Love you both for sharing this content and adore the energy being dispersed 💕

[@MissOJAY]

Riiiight. I already know i gotta replay with a notepad and pen bcoz bars are many

[@JoyWinnerWins]

Best break down what love is about. Figure out one self, love isn’t having someone to love us but for us to love ourselves first

[@anastasiarc]

This is the first time I was exposed to @humblethepoet's thoughts and I was blown away! The way he explains things have put so much perspective to what we all struggle with and should introspect about. Ordering the book right away. Thank you Jay for getting him on the show. As you rightly said it, it was a masterclass! Will be one of my most liked episodes for a long time.

[@reneebecker8702]

Wow! Thank you! I've been dodging discomfort, and I love how you spelled out how and why to choose difficult to prepare yourself for life's difficult times... and how it serves others. It's what I needed to hear hard-core.

[@Sherwood1017]

Thanks for all you do Jay!! Your consistent efforts to put out content is inspiring.

[@vegas1854]

This conversation really resonated with me. I appreciate Humble's willingness to be vulnerable. I'm seeing that as a strength at this point in life, which is completely different from the way I was raised, where it was an implied weakness. Growth is a long and amazing journey.

[@kellyhennessy4201]

On my god, I have always focused on the love bombing not realising it is a bad thing as I have little or no boundaries! Wow, just had an aha moment! Just bought the book. Thank you so much to both of you xxx

[@nengahtung3756]

So so grateful to have the chance to listen to this. I’m blessed. You two are so brilliant & gifted🙏

[@nengahtung3756]

I shared it with my young 18 years old son😁It’s brilliantly separated you from other presenters talking about the similar topics. Thank you again🙏

[@ShaLeenaBMUA]

Perfect timing . Needed to see this this morning. Thank you for sharing !

[@mindysmith2087]

I identify with needing being needed because when I am vulnerable with others most recoil and get quiet. I have dealt with trauma and that is too heavy for most. So as a way to have a relationship with others I developed extreme empathy. I now see that the gift of love I give is my greatest gift to myself. It blesses me now instead of draining me. Self-compassion has been so helpful. I so appreciate this interview. Awesome Awesome 👌 Looking forward to the book.

[@priyageorge1476]

Compliments can imprison you...Damn... So true...As an educator we are constantly coerced into making a 'safe' learning environment ( and yes, it is important) for kids, compliments being one contribution to it...but I've noticed we are creating a culture of bringing up kids to only thrive with praise...but I think it's so important to also correct a child and prepare them for the real world out there and not dole out compliments left, right and centre...

[@JennyGaston]

I agree👏🏾 vulnerability is strength and the only way we can be vulnerable is to do the inner work necessary to grow if we have experienced past trauma. Many of us need to unlearn many lessons to do this though. Keep the videos coming♥️

[@zentzu4003]

If you have to do inner work then it’s not vulnerability

[@originaleverythingelseisca5977]

Facts

[@mindedempath]

I've been following Humble The Poet for well over 7 years now. He is truly amazing!

[@marichiarra8495]

Humble the Poet touched on so many points that I’ve actually been just finding out about and researching and practicing. I had heard about them from many other sources, and had never heard of Humble the Poet (hey I was born in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada but been in US most my life) until yesterday. But it’s amazing how I’m getting confirmation from you. And it’s good after being raised in ashrams and schools in a religion from India (I might have been better off being raised Sikh, but), with no parents, no love, and then societal conditioning and its misconceptions about love, and trying to rewire my belief and nervous system and constantly being afraid of being misled and in the wrong path, to have everything summed up and confirmed right here in one KZbin. So thank you so much. 🙏🏼💕

[@unique04814]

Im actually on spotify listening to this but cane to KZbin so that i can leave a response....Everything about this conversation is what I needed to hear! Thank you for this, I am at awe of what I'm listening to right now!

[@zorasabacka3368]

Thank you so much , I’m grateful for this episode. Absolutely amazing and helpful. ❤️

[@moniquenorman9419]

This I s Henley the most valuable conversation I’ve ever hear, I mean you guys left no stone unturned.

[@bethra.flowers]

❤️❤️❤️ YES! We ARE love and have to choose to give it as a gift not expecting a return.

[@devikamathur4795]

Loved this episode , I will have to hear it again and again because so many things resonated with me.

[@MANIMartinMwenimana]

all I can say is I am so grateful to be alive in this erra where I can find this wisdom here. Thank you so Jay and Humble 🙏🏿

[@zeinabibrahim5101]

It feels great listening to such podcasts.Thanks jay for letting us know this

[@henryrodriguezz]

AMAZING , THANK YOU. GETTING HIS BOOK. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE VALUE AND PERSPECTIVE ON LOVE AND LESSONS

[@AikiraBeats]

Understanding how to love and what love actually is for yourself is something that takes time most importantly time with yourself. If you're to afraid to spend time with yourself, then love won't come to you. This is something that I didn't realize until I found myself completely alone. The more work I do on myself the easier love comes to me. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Take it day by day. Nothing happens overnight.

[@judicollins1570]

What an amazing episode! Thank you so much❤ I related to the love bombing deeply. As a single woman, I have experienced many relationships where I was the love bomber …. I knew how to be super charming and desirable and found so much validation and rewards from being admired only to back out when I realised I wasn’t interested in the actual person. I am now learning how to attract the right person and will definitely be buying Humbles book. Great work Jay and Humble❤

[@Gardens011]

Thanks Jay for introducing me to Humble the Poet. Looking forward to reading his book.

[@35pri2ish]

Wow humble, really great thought process. Something i didn't know i needed. ✨✨

[@rhondaaudette6249]

Just finished listening to this podcast. Now following Humble, and when I'm feeling lonely I will dance. 💃 🥰

[@tessastley5871]

This interview felt so genuine. Thank you

[@Liztej21]

Phenomenal! Thank you for this! 🙏🏼

[@somyaranjanpati]

Probably the best podcast of 2022 💯🔥 Spirits enlightened ✨🌟

[@iriszeytindali]

Thank you so much 💯 There are soo many breakthroughs and ahas in your great talk, thank you ♥️

[@zoneed]

this is my 6th time listening to this podcast🥺 Thank-you so much Jay and Humble.

[@shera1209]

I loved this episode so much. I had a good cry.. This has definitely opened my eyes on how to interpret things in my life. Soooo good. Thank you both for keeping things real.

[@kloisgooden]

This is such an excellent conversation 👏🏽 thank you gentlemen for sharing

[@vs88888]

This entire discussion is truly worth it's weight in gold.

[@ashhcatchem4990]

LOVED THIS 💚 Needed this 🤞🏾

[@juliajohnston7466]

Loved listening to this. Thank you ❤️

[@NotUrAverage786]

I absolutely loved this conversation ❤️ so much wisdom within and fascinating reflections. Loved the Windows and Walls analogy. Loved that you unpacked that guys get so involved in the chase that they often pull away after the woman is interested cos they realise they haven't considered if she's the right one for them. Can't wait to check out the book.

[@shivvv24]

Absolute quality in this episode, loved it!

[@user-ce1rm3ur1y]

Amazing talk! Thank you for sharing your thoughts🙏🏻❤️

[@natalierivera5933]

Learned and grown so much listening to this 👏🏼

[@chania80]

This is so full of wisdom. Thank you guys. I have lots of work to do. Sending gratitude from Nairobi, Kenya.

[@threadflowers9844]

That's T-shirt worthy 😲. "The Delicious will NOT bring the Nutritious" I LOVE THAT!

[@shainasuleman9595]

I loved the part discussing gratitude vs. Guilt. Mind blowing!

[@lovelightshinellc]

Loved this interview! I just ordered the book looking forward to the wisdom and stories that will be shared!

[@ellenmills4552]

10:53 am. I’m grateful to have heard this interview . It bought up so much of the way I think and believe and to hear it in words is powerful ! Thank you for being you and expressing it so eloquently 💞

[@anthonyvaldez-martinez4108]

Brooo this was sooo incredible. It connected so many dots for me. Thank you so much Jay & Humble, this was extremely informative and beneficial, i can’t even put it into words. Thank you so much.

[@Kejon223]

My weekend will be reading this book. It was a great conversation and really hit a lot of points, feelings I have been struggling to make sense of! Thank you!

[@juliaarian3868]

That was amazing!! Thank you so much! I saved it I shared it and I'm also going to rewatch it and take notes!

[@Shanicealchemy]

So many amazing gems dropped during this interview. Love love. ❤

[@mshebio2387]

Absolutely astonishing, love it !!

[@kellyrodriguez6496]

I’ve rewatched this episode at least 5 times. There are many valuable teachings throughout this conversation. Thank you both for the wealth of wisdom. Currently reading “how to be love(d).” ❤

[@KingoftheRoad-2023]

1:21 shetty always EXAGGERATES these introductions.Just make it simple and small instead of the HYPERBOLE in introductions

[@MelissRosa]

Humble makes it so clear! Thank you for sharing this! 🤍

[@A22208]

I hope people who are closed will hear this and open their hearts to love :(

[@Gardens011]

This episode made me reflect on myself and love 💕

[@Dzanarika1]

Be kind to yourself also.

[@create2liberate]

Boom! Ordered Humble's book on Audible. Love these gems!!! Huge thank you

[@ciprianamuhdi]

This conversation is one of my favorite in a long time!

[@cindygonzalez4240]

Wow I am speechless and loved everything! Thank you both for sharing this and being so vulnerable so much truth and pure gold 💖✨🤌🏽

[@tiffannibooze9400]

So eye opening. Loved this

[@shailavalera1276]

Agree with you Jay! He crushed it! So many good insights. I want to listen to this episode on a daily basis 😂

[@nelanig4844]

Humble is beautiful man inside and out!! What a lovely conversation. Soaked up so much knowledge from this episode ❤ thank you Jay

[@clairep8]

Prob one of the best podcasts you’ve done 😊

[@MishkaTia]

So much to learn from this conversation

[@nathanleung5592]

Appreciate for all you do Jay! Your consistent effort all year long your content has been motivating & inspiring! What’s in store on this podcast in 2023!?

[@mabisgarcia3087]

So blessed I came across this conversation. Helped me a lot.

[@hercvfrher3232]

Love this! This conversation matched my thoughts about love just perfectly. When people ask me about my love life I always answer, well I love and I love so much but I'm not in a relationship if you meant that. Great content man!

[@katianalynn9384]

only 25minutes in, this is such an insightful conversation thank you so much for sharing these moments

[@originaleverythingelseisca5977]

This was wonderful!!! filled with so much knowledge

[@leishaverma]

WHAT AN EPISODE!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@joycepearljones4907]

Thank you, Jay Shetty.

[@watz03]

this episode was insane, thank you. So much hit home so deeply and helped to clear some mental fog over matters i attempt to introspect and struggle to figure out daily. just to stumble here and find the poet to be so well articulate, on point with crystal clarity and authenticity, in such a natural state of flow, man it was a solid journey. I Could relate to most of it personally. Definitely getting the book. One question @ the poet : about being with someone and even if you are in love as much as you are capable of feeling and understanding it, but finding out you are headed or want to head towards a different direction, as a result of which you quit the relationship. I struggle to get behind the idea of wanting to know where you want to be in your distant future and have an agenda and look for a partner who could fit that journey. At some level it does make sense and seem "mature", self aware, individualistic etc but what about wanting to build the relationship without an agenda, but with the sole motive of being and growing together and see where that journey leads. too naïve and foolish ? I am on the fence and i dont know. I find it difficult to put any life goal above the value of being with your partner of choice and the journey you could be on together.

[@dandann9203]

Not Knowing someone until spending 200 hrs to me is basically saying you get to know people more after they don’t know what to say anymore and have to expose things they forgot about themselves.

[@thenovaregimen5241]

My jaw is still on the floor. I relate to every single word in this interview! Thank you for sharing 🙌

[@dawnbell198]

Wow, I could listen to this guy for hours, so much wisdom

[@cleoheu157]

Amazing way to wake up on my birthday and hearing all of this ❤

[@jorgelinabasarte381]

Wow this podcast!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️

[@candelariaespina5103]

such an amazing episode!!

[@urvashisharma2846]

I love how they genuinely love, respect and support each other ❤ #brownboylove

[@kellyeq12]

🔥🔥🔥 Really enjoyed this!

[@serradjsoma8240]

Thank you both of you 💗🌼

[@hannahbush9952]

Humble's description of avoidant men really, really helped me...very honest and helped me understand more where these guys are coming from.

[@hannahbush9952]

BEAUTIFUL, helpful interview as a whole!! AMAZING!!

[@TinaMartinez97]

Needed this after spending a week at my parents house and receiving lots of hate just for who I am.

[@Aliyah_Coach]

Yes please record your conversations you have privately, when the camera is off ,too🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼♥️ soooo much appreciated ♥️🍀♥️ thank you

[@esperanzauniversal3402]

Wow! Humble and You - together are Awesome! You bring Heaven and God to earth. Thank You for YOU!

[@snehas6486]

Gratitude for this🙏

[@PhasesofShe]

~ your thoughts are the clouds ⛅️, but you are the sky 🌌 ~

[@bdevdube]

Absolutely absolutely amazing