The Complete Karl Pilkington's Inspirational Quotes & Sayings, with Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant

Be inspired by Karl Pilkington's amazing wisdom.
Check out the entire "The Complete Karl Pilkington" collection here:
• The Complete Karl Pilk...
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Have a look at the The Complete Karl Pilkington Collection (all his books, TV shows and other things):
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#TheComplete #KarlPilkington #Quotes

[@miker.9138]

"You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge." -Karl Pilkington

[@JoeHynes284]

@@mrknowmyself this is priceless

[@tyroon81]

Has Karl ever understood anything. The cleverest thing he ever said was 'they're not my hands either.' 😂

[@MrTrig84]

I’m using me fables

[@PortlyPete]

when you are a kid you like ricky. when you are an edgy teen you respect steve. when you grow up you realise karl is a sage.

[@avamasquerade]

Pfft, and we let you vote...

[@dfrossness]

If you think Karl is wise you may have gone past adulthood and into senility.

[@hohohohehehe6910]

Best quote ever: "did the 3 wise men get the baby Jesus them presents for his birthday, or Christmas?" - Karl Pilkington.

[@SuperLisalis]

Easter. That's where the egg came from to get Mary pregas !!

[@bravoactual2423]

What???

[@johnnychavez286]

@Mattress Store right, it definitely couldn’t be that Karl is stupid 😂😂😂

[@kprnr7140]

🤣🤣🤣

[@Johansebastion]

Time stamp?

[@fistingendakenny8781]

I want this played at my funeral, lighten the mood n that

[@SuuupaGirl]

good idea, and remember, if you're ghost you don't want to be a blind ghost.

[@danielhyde2295]

And make sure you don’t become a wewe

[@benarcher4874]

Everyone will be happy that you’re gone anyway

[@choughed3072]

@@danielhyde2295 depending on his ethnicity he could come back as the first black ghost ever seen in a magazine.

[@AA-hg5fk]

Bit long for a funeral isn't it?

[@Azrael442]

"people who live in glass houses have to answer the door" :D God bless Karls round little head

[@ShadowOfDanger]

"Don't go chucking that out" "I don't want to be bungled in with all the other people here".

[@insaneclownhoty]

Azrael LOL

[@wred4598]

Well if you live in a glass house then people can see into your house when at the door... so you cannot ignore unwanted visitors... simple.

[@SweatpantsPG]

So scary that he can vote.

[@5uper5kill3rz]

Sean Gahan don’t worry he’s not the only one, theres 17.4m just as simple minded

[@OEM0419]

2:11 the way he says "inventing electricity" 😂

[@fuckamericanidiot]

"Go on the beaches an' tha'" - Winston Churchill

[@dorthemarkussen2458]

"So he was a bit of a hoarder"

[@Crackmonkey809]

It’s actually “bit of uh order”

[@VLAD_P_]

Woh woh , don’t through that out “ you might need it later ..

[@redlady935]

That's actually quite astute

[@peedfarded]

@@Crackmonkey809 no

[@dankcaesar4760]

@@Crackmonkey809 no it isn't lol

[@nativeproud4160]

Karl's spewing of wisdom makes me smile no matter how bad my day was Thank ya boys

[@mikeriedmiller1659]

I can't sleep while listening to Karl. I can't stop laughing.

[@X737_]

I can’t sleep without an earpiece in listening to the three of them

[@sushiacid]

@@X737_ liar

[@X737_]

HonourThyYeard piss off wanker 👆🏻

[@samuelcripps1892]

U need to listen to him more then

[@mikaelsongameofwar2360]

Same dude😂

[@FBarbarian]

"Don't be chucking that out, you might need that later" - this should be a T-shirt !!!

[@JoeHynes284]

i will pay

[@seriouslee7762]

🤣🤣🤣

[@jusesjimmybars]

"dodo, get rid of it. if the bird's gone, the word can" amazing

[@Wackyfox]

Is it possible that we only recall dodos because they were one of the first officially extinct creatures?

[@jimothybikael]

@@Wackyfox many things are possible if you believe in it

[@oak1739]

"Just get on with it" is actually quite a good philosophical quote.

[@r4v4g3r]

Stoicism innit

[@cc8530]

nike has a similar quote with, ‘just do it’

[@avamasquerade]

​@@cc8530No, that's actually Shia LaBeouf

[@mausperson5854]

Karl may just be the greatest comedian of all time.

[@Jjboxing]

No

[@mausperson5854]

@@Jjboxing Nice counter... Haha. Okay, he's not Bill Hicks, granted. But he plays the fool better than most. He's clearly a smart guy capitalising in his ability to make himself look more stupid than a guy who says "No" as a definitive statement in the comments section of a KZbin video. Maybe you're the greatest comedian of all time!

[@Jjboxing]

@@mausperson5854 no

[@mausperson5854]

@@Jjboxing lower case takes the sting out it 😂 Man of many words, eh?

[@Jjboxing]

@@mausperson5854 nO

[@lindatruderung9378]

For someone who is being labeled as an idiot by Steve and Ricky, he is absolutely the opposite. He is brilliant in his observations.

[@Dingalow]

"Every step starts with a step"

[@puddingleaf]

One day, future generations will listen to and study these podcasts. He's a modern philosopher. Imagine if he had been born in ancient Greece; I'm sure he would have been a Socrates-type figure.

[@w8m4n]

Maybe more Diogenes 😂

[@dickjokesandbondo]

Socrates, table for two

[@benjaminmorris7159]

he would've had an egg dropped on his head

[@lightrays3595]

Flogging a dead horse "But it depends on what that horse has done to you"

[@Wackyfox]

“What’re you doing with that dead horse?” *kick* “Ran off with me wife, so he did.”

[@avamasquerade]

It was hilarious imagining Karl pouting just slightly harder as he gives the horse an extra lil clip.

[@disneyrhydon995]

"I don't want to be bungled in." -Karl Pilkington

[@RighteousBrother]

"Knowledge is hassle" is my favourite quote

[@danielcrossley8782]

"Treat the world like a head" - Karl Pilkington That's killed me 🤣🤣🤣🌍

[@JohnVC]

"Innit" -Karl Pilkington

[@fistingendakenny8781]

More like n that or that's mad

[@CronkCabhett]

“Alright?”

[@jaredcook4577]

Sick uv’ it...

[@geekrockrats]

An’ ‘at

[@Wackyfox]

Suzanne, wot’s goin on

[@HollyLou223]

“It’s a foodage”

[@K4R007]

Ricky: “are you gonna to bring the brain into it?” Karl: “I dunno, let’s just see what happens.” 34:27

[@Fox8ball.]

Karl pilkington = genius

[@SweatpantsPG]

What? Now I'm worried there are a ton of Karl's just retarding around.

[@LikeAZombie01]

@@SweatpantsPG At least there's only one of you.

[@ivantodorov3309]

Karl is a lot happier than all of us

[@andysim9934]

Yep because he doesn't worry about the big things...great quality..he's hilarious.

[@avamasquerade]

Seems confused and frustrated much of the time, which I can understand because if I hadn't been able to think my way out of some things in my life, I (and several others) would've been unrelentingly screwed.

[@nobunaga240]

Karl reminds of some children I taught in my career. They were low-achievers and not clever in the recognised sense at all, but their thought processes were fascinating. If you gave them word association tests the answers would be on the face of it stupid, but sometime later you would realise there was crazy kind of logic after all. Give Karl a job at Oxford university in the philosophy or science faculties and he would be lost but he would stimulate new pathways of thought in the fellows. They could give him an honorary PhD in Knockin’ Abou’ An’ Tha’!

[@toddmcgough1466]

Well said…meow! ;-)

[@shanekelley7682]

Karl is definitely NOT a low achiever! He was a producer at Radio X, A good actor, and now a very rich man!

[@fmifu4100]

I've always said when Karl dies they need to Einstein-esque jar his brain so that one day it can be examined

[@avamasquerade]

No. Some people are genuinely just stupid and that is all. But it's evident by all the cope in the comments, though, that there's a whole lot more stupid people populating this planet than we originally thought.

[@miaross6932]

This is brilliant. Karl is Gold ! She was in a cupboard ! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@albertmccready478]

there is a logic to Karls thought process.

[@SweatpantsPG]

Stop. This man is an idiot.

[@shane4362]

The words leave his brain ok, then they stop of for a few drinks, then a few become a lot, then the words die of alcohol poisoning

[@RottenDoctorGonzo]

"Never go to the doctor." Karl Pilkington. 😁

[@AA-hg5fk]

RottenDoctorGonzo *doctors.

[@TopDollarDJ]

I envy Karl's simple straight-forward mind

[@JambiStambi]

Why, yes. We do all envy you quite a bit.

[@eddiebear34]

L6915 very wealthy now. If you are going to have a weird train of thought. Being helluva rich is going to make life beautiful 😂

[@mist_oldskoolakatherollinr616]

Very well said top Dollar DJ I honest to God have no understanding why people bother to listen to Just slate if you don't like the content of the show they don't listen simple but just so you know I agree with you

[@waynegrundy8155]

You can do it with bloods now anyway...?

[@avamasquerade]

Which just shows you're not intelligent enough to understand all the ramifications of ignorance.

[@schaiwas7872]

You know...sometimes Karls‘ thoughts are not too far away from real academic debates. When he poses the question „Do you control your brain or does your brain control you?“ for example. Replace the word „brain“ by „subconscious“ and you have a very valid question - also linked to Sigmund Freud.

[@dennismuller3573]

I agree. That's also how I understand his phrasing.

[@mist_oldskoolakatherollinr616]

Im glad Im not the only one. I dont just feel a female version of karl.. my partner says I am.. I take that as a compliment.. love Mrs Dilkington..

[@mincerification]

Absolutely right.

[@mincerification]

Although the Freudian question is rubbish. We are all one - to be or not to be... that is the question.

[@mincerification]

To be fair @ 17.30 Karl does say that he doesn’t find Freud that interesting. Top man.

[@qwasd0r]

"Does the brain control you, or do you control the brain?"

[@fistingendakenny8781]

That's mad

[@dennismuller3573]

He's got a point though. It just another way of raising the question of free will.

[@rbeck3200tb40]

I think what Karl means is do your emotions control you or do control your emotions. Karl doesnt seem to be able to control alot of his emotions

[@beyondbackwater4933]

@@rbeck3200tb40 Well emotions aren't consciously controlled by us. There's not too much we doi have self aware control over.

[@rbeck3200tb40]

YEs you can control your emotions. Karl cant

[@Banties]

38:00 I think Steve secretly dosnt know what error Ricky is on about

[@adambritain5774]

I am not even there yet, but I know precisely which part you mean as I have thought the same thing when at this moment in other compilations.

[@w8m4n]

I think I know which part you mean. I've always thought that.

[@tawnyhonksk8354]

I agree everytime...

[@tyroon81]

Steve's sometimes dopeyer than Karl😲

[@r4v4g3r]

And then his follow up questions playing devils advocate for Karl are really him having his own doubts answered by Ricky without looking stupid :)

[@Leoviliti1]

"I don't know if I'm thinking cause it's got a mind of its own!"😅

[@archiewall124]

‘It depends if you’re busy at that point’😂😂😂

[@sparey4431]

I can’t wait for the day, Ricky finds out how much of the stuff, Karl talks about actually makes sense and is real 😂 Karl’s a different kind of soul to most of you

[@marthasolomon7997]

I love Ricky's laugh more than anything.... 😂😂😂

[@carllawrence3756]

His little titter is funny

[@AlanFink-wz3zj]

Damn. Karl is special. For real.

[@changvasejarik62]

Karl pilkington: one of the 20 greatest men of the century.

[@sawrirocks]

"People who live in green houses"

[@pastrie42]

"what about the warning in greenhouses?" That is Karl remembering "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

[@Tinkerbelle610]

It makes perfect sense that you shouldn't go chucking things around if you live in a glass house 😆

[@MiaowMcDonald]

‘it’s 2006. why are they still using their index finger?’. never tire of his humour. and Ricky’s laughter.... always cheers me up! 2020 has been a shitshow of a year.... so glad to have these podcasts to distract us from the dark ugly world outside. some call Karl stupid... i disagree. he’s an honest simple man. childlike. no philosophy degree like Ricky but he a unique way of thinking and questions everything like a child. i love that. he’s got the last laugh tho.... he’s made a fortune from being ‘stupid’. he’s not so stupid, folks.

[@chriscolin781]

Was over the moon when i found your Great channel ! Remember watching this year's ago. but missed so much as I used to go out on the lash. so happy to say a Massive thanks for your uploads. 😂

[@adamhogie2139]

Thanks for uploading!

[@moomoopuppy5810]

The octopus gozzes everywhere...lol.

[@CinosTheHedgehog2000]

39:11 is where it began. The day I woke my parents up with my laughter

[@karencalder8540]

I thought this was hilarious because I was stoned last night. Watching this today and its still funny😂 Karl is a genius in disguise.

[@PFCollectorAdam]

Awesome, thanks for uploading this :)

[@slimlegs6298]

“Uuuh, she was in a cupboard”

[@masadragojevic2940]

42:25 mouse with an ear on its back 37:20 youd never see a black ghost 47:05 someone just puts you there i cant be bothered running the country like tarzan 50:40 the flea can jump over the london eye 40:50 Anne Frank 53:05 its gonna make it freezin’ 01:00:10 01:03:40 the problem with the moon is 01:05:35 what other games have you brought 01:06:10 keep a couple, fill the rest in 01:08:50 superman never told.. Lewis hulk, he wasnt happy 01:10:00 wander about, not get seen i think its more of a hinderance 01:11:30 eyes looking in their ‘ead 01:13:30 but they havent had band aid yet za

[@cleverclone_]

you legend thank u

[@dobbo1893]

Where’s using me fables 😂

[@Noodlelino28]

Yessss love watching these at night :) thanks for the upload!

[@gingernutts7986]

Manmoths?

[@boricualink]

Best ben franklin quote." Fish and guests stink after 3 days." Words to live by folks.

[@12HHoo]

Love Steve (and Karl and Ricky). So quick witted and insightful. Very rarely nasty.

[@BigJohnnyWebb]

Another great upload. Thanks for all your hard work, Doctor.

[@TheComplete]

Pleasure

[@joannewill9040]

E da

[@jakenolan5897]

Literally I listen to this because I want to sleep and end up laughing my bollocks off So I just turn it off to get sleep Yup Karl Pilkington

[@stephydc6355]

He just admitted on molesting kids

[@leestravels8465]

Tyteertere

[@onewillow8511]

Forget the Mensa, listen CAREFULLY to Karl for at least an hour (Imperative is - at least 60 min. 🙂) and if you're not laughing and/or not annoyed, talk to someone ASAP 😂😂😂 Karl is anthology material and only the time will (and is) tell how big he is. Tremendous! ^_^

[@cmaugel1]

Yay for new content!

[@1halnass]

Bungled is a word I'll said lots of times.

[@samwithers2147]

I’ll never understand how Ricky never heard of an elephant in the room

[@Bellocks1]

I bet he has, imo he was saying it to coax Karl into attempting to explain it.

[@tyroon81]

I hadn't until about 5 years ago. Perhaps it's a northern thing? 😉

[@Wooble1]

I came here to say this

[@adebolabloke6962]

Isn't it the way Karl said it? "There's an elephant in the room" rather than discussing "the elephant in the room"

[@Tyto451]

He’s like a child that’s still at that point in development where they still take every saying literally.

[@SanRemoMotelBar]

Treat the world like a head

[@dr.trichome6419]

pureinhart absolutely brilliant lolol 😂

[@richardwilliams5387]

I love the "Glass house" analogy because Ricky gets it wrong as well. It's not about "Don't attack people if you have more to lose" it essentially means don't be a hypocrite and throw stones at people for the same things you do.

[@carlosandleon]

same thing. Reinforce your base first before you go for the offensive

[@alleyk9508]

Exactly 👍

[@boogiedahomey]

Ricky gets most of them wrong

[@buckbumble]

Eyes that were looking in their ‘ead

[@steveyuhas9278]

Can't believe I haven't heard this one yet! Finding new unheard kp content makes me feel like a babe on Christmas morn. Now I know that when I get my glass house with plasma screens, I need to take it easy with the stone throwing. Valuable info

[@aaronflynndevereux1832]

I don't know if it's just me but some of the things Karl is saying is actually intelligent. He's hit the nail on the head when he was talking about politics in my opinion

[@obansrinathan]

At 8:00 it reminds me of a quote from someone “love and let love, with the stipulation that those who love in glass houses breath on the windows” I didn’t quote exactly

[@dylanmorrison3731]

29:00 wow... Karl has a firmer grasp of the problems in philosophy of mind than both Ricky and Stephen who take scientism at face value. Respect

[@TheCabritoGoat]

Two well-educated men shouldn’t be so dismissive of new ideas. I never really liked the way they treated Karl

[@epideme3416]

He has a good point if you don't feed your brain it wouldn't know anything, Its a confusing thing to think about lol

[@MrJamesyboi121]

Same as when he says "bungled in" - that is definitely a real word/phrase.

[@SunburntHands]

Gervais is a perfect example of the Dunning Kruger effect, which is why he is so certain that reality stops at the border of the measurable, and Karl has a restless curiosity and a good enough power of thought that he often hits on something really interesting that he doesn't have the vocabulary to express clearly, and then Gervais shuts him down. Karl is wise enough to recognise his imperfect reason, which puts him well ahead of most of us.

[@JamesBongo]

@@MrJamesyboi121 thats not what bungled means though

[@jordan_roadhouse4798]

In what should be a post-Brexit Britain, Karl Pilkington is so right on voting. What a man. We have the illusion of a democracy. From 20:00ish

[@billbaxter3800]

I agree with Karl completely on the prostate exam.

[@louisbalogun2808]

I can't be the only one who has had an argument with his mrs during this corona pandemic, having to sleep in the back of his best pals van as they are worried ill infect them. But not having a care in the world because this has cheered me up.

[@Texicus_Reddicus]

I love that Karl, while not understanding metaphors, actually came up with a great metaphor. "people who live in glass houses have to open the door"

[@duskgopc3345]

As apposed to other people with brick houses having to what? Come through the window? Lol

[@Texicus_Reddicus]

@@duskgopc3345 no you plonker. didn't you watch the video ?

[@Torturephile]

-Steve Merchant: a mix of _Dexter's Laboratory_ characters. -Ricky Gervais: Fred Flinstone. -Karl Pilkington: Johnny from _Ed, Edd n' Eddy_.

[@Burly_K]

Ricky isn't just Fred...he's the perfect combo of Fred AND Barney!

[@contact3604]

This is sooooo funny! Ive never laughed so much.😊😂😂😂 Thank you for sharing!! Gosh! I just had to subscribe!!!! Moira From England.

[@haunter4708]

Karl is so right though! “Is that the best thing he said?” ✅ “Why is that one remembered?” ✅ “‘Waste not want not’ isn’t even that catchy” ✅

[@magician33]

Great work

[@angelaknight7184]

Thanks guys 💜

[@vantheman12welshman66]

God bless Karl

[@tssr9665]

bro i like all of them, but if i had to spend a week with any of them, i’d pick karl hands down lmaoo

[@deeel8458]

"NEVER SEEN A BLACK GHOST" kp

[@ShadowOfDanger]

DEE EL "I don't want to be bungled in"

[@David-ud9ju]

He's right though.

[@awinbisa]

Old person eating a twix

[@15-Peter-20]

Are you black?

[@K4R007]

David When you see them in magazines ‘anthat?

[@junkboxhero4825]

Wow...anybody else notice that both Steven and Ricky both made fun of Karl for not knowing what the glasshouse analogy meant and then they both tell what they think it means and they're both wrong too!

[@Struckbylightning79]

Haha! Yes, it’s about hipocrisy

[@michaelcullen5308]

The "want" in "waste not, want not" uses the old meaning of "need", rather than "desire". So it means "don't waste stuff, and you'll never run short". He didn't intend it to mean "don't waste a thing, because you might realise you want that thing later."

[@OoxBethany]

I love Karl 🤗

[@michaelh13]

‘“We’ll go on the beaches and all that”-Winston Churchill’- Karl Pilkington

[@-mike-2346]

& "Every Step starts with a Step!" :o)

[@annika_panicka]

"Willy-nillily" 🙃

[@lachazaroony]

If the birds gone, the word can. lmao

[@bus5683]

“If the birds gone so can the word surely”

[@cheefcuts]

Omfg the glass house is killin me

[@apex3d595]

the things he says are so simple, yet so profound lol

[@rebharath]

@20:08 - agree with karl on voting

[@SweatpantsPG]

So glad he doesn't vote.

[@LikeAZombie01]

@@SweatpantsPG Why you watching this with all the hate you seem to have for Karl?

[@brucewayne2184]

"basic glass houses" 🍷 🏠

[@gerardoneill1513]

Can't eat listening to Karl, every time I go to swallow food he chokes me up with his karlism's.

[@GonnaComment]

bungle is a real word

[@MrChaes]

Not in the phrase "bungle together"

[@xxsageonexx8910]

Jared Huntley bundle

[@bubblezovlove7213]

I didn't like Ricky Gervais until Karl Pilkington. I thought Ricky was just a so so comedian. Once I started to get the whole Karl thing I was just so impressed that I forever more will love Steven Merchant, Karl Pilkington and Ricky Gervais..... 🥰

[@Sock1122]

"basic glass houses" thank god we moved past that stage in our history

[@geekrockrats]

“You know how they say there’s 5 senses? There’s loads more”

[@greenredblue]

Sometimes I wish they had a normal boring old scientist in the room, because occasionally they'd back up what Karl says. For example, there are in fact more than five senses: touch (i.e. pressure), taste, smell, vision, hearing, temperature, passage of time, head rotation, pain, limb position, and more. None of this is what Karl meant, but it would be fun to hear Ricky deal with the fact that the "moron" is technically right. :)

[@topgearbhoy2608]

35:45 the point about leading from behind vs the front is actually quite deep. Karl does have some good theories he just can't explain it well or they don't let him.