The Courage to be Disliked & Happy

Welcome back to another Coffee Talk. Today's chat is about finding the courage to be happy and to be disliked based on the books themselves written by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi ☕️
If you want early access to videos, bonus checklists, join the yoga studio, come to community events, enter monthly challenges or have more cozy/motivational content be sure to join the channel & become a member ✨
All Things Koze Blog & Shop ▹ allthingskoze.com/
All Things Koze Instagram ▹ / allthingskoze
Koze Flow Instagram ▹ / kozeflow
Kalyn's Instagram ▹ / kalynnicholson13
Coffee Talk Chapters ☕️
00:00 - Welcome ✨
02:49 - The world is subjective
04:40 - You give your past meaning based on goals
09:02 - It boils down to a lack of courage
11:35 - How emotions play into it
15:27 - All problems are interpersonal problems
17:27 - Being disliked and seeking superiority
22:09 - The need for recognition
24:32 - The separation of tasks
26:52 - 3 principles for the courage to be happy and disliked
33:33 - Final hit home point
Kalyn's Books:
Catcher [dystopian fiction] ▹ www.amazon.com/dp/B07G7QSGM2/...
Dancing With Elephants [poetry] ▹ www.amazon.com/dp/1999415132/...
FEELS [self-development] ▹ www.amazon.com/dp/1999415124/...
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health specialist, just a Canadian gal with an old soul who likes to crack the ice on deep conversations that can foster personal growth and positive change.
❤ This Coffee Talk is not sponsored, no links are affiliate ❤
Stay Koze-y

[@biserastojkovska2567]

Listening to you talking and thinking to myself that baby is going to become something big and important with you as his mother ❤️

[@ssfgsfgs2]

This is very insightful to how normal people think. it’s a real eye opener

[@KayChardonnay380]

I am enjoying your videos so much! I also have a deep mother wound, but I am so determined to break generational bonds and heal! It is a lifelong journey. I have two daughters, and I refuse to pass on childhood trauma to them ❤

[@cloelii9684]

You perfectly present philosophical ideas with psychology so that it's easier for us to understand. Thank you.

[@KalynsCoffeeTalk]

Thank you ♥️ Glad you think so!

[@auag19]

I recently read the book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Alan Singer, and this has made me look at things differently. It allows me to accept things as they are and to want to "perform" or soothe others less. I consider myself to be a highly empathetic person, and had to first accept my very sensitive and intuitive nature as this was never really encouraged, accepted or reassured as a child. But once I accepted this about myself, now I can agree that maybe one of the reasons why I feel the need to "perform" or soothe others is bc I do not have the courage to be disliked. And it's tricky and complicated bc I love myself and being by myself, and am comfortable being a loner too. But, once I actively started to tell myself that certain things are not my job, like soothing others, making others feel more comfortable at work/ in social settings, suddenly I had more energy at the end of the day. So while I still consider myself to be introverted, it's amazing to me how just adjusting some philosophies about what I "should be" or how I "should behave" made me more capable to lean in to that social community and social bonding that turns out is really good for me (shocker :P). Anw, a bit of a chaotic message but def will be picking up these books, they've been on my to read list for a while now, and I only keep hearing good things about them.

[@BeStillandKnow0000]

your message is clear and it resonates with me deeply thank you

[@NotSoLittleAriel]

This was a really interesting video! My only points when listening to this make me wonder about systematic racism and mental illness. Those things aren’t choices or interpersonal problems. I do wonder if there are some cultural differences that just affect the sort of world people grew up in and therefore maybe these weren’t considerations but overall a very interesting premise. Thanks for sharing 💕

[@TheBarbaraHorvat]

The lack of courage is such a surreal yet real answer to so so much in my life... Fear has been dictating most of my decisions in the past 10 years and oh boy, have I made some poor decisions thanks to that. Working on that this year

[@xuanhanguyen9093]

Just started the Courage to be Disliked and it’s such an amazing book. Love the way you summarized it ❤

[@rebeccabrink3706]

This is something I've really been working on. I've found and embraced my beliefs (and lack thereof), dyed my hair purple even when people talk crap, keep getting tattoos and being the spooky chick I have always wanted to be. This really gave me more perspective on pursuing my goal of just being me and being happy with that no matter the judgement I face. I may get in trouble for the excessive amount of Halloween decorations I put out year round, but cross that bridge when we get to it lol

[@violetsky__7649]

I gotta check this book out! I’ve been feeling super insecure lately too which is convenient that I found this video.

[@imurhuckleberry5793]

Interesting, educational and digestible presentation Kalyn. Two-fold perspective gained: self and others I am in relationship with. I now understand that beyond self begins task of others and let go need for recognition is my only task in any scenario. Nothing is good or bad, Nothing is historic or present day, Nothing is cause or blame. It just IS. Thank you for the time spent and the talent shared to have researched and presented these concepts. I’ve had a strong supportive family unit from birth and just celebrated 35 years of marriage. Two healthy grown children who are your age, a 1.5 year old smartie granddaughter and another on the way. Regardless trauma or normal upbringing - regardless youth or aged- regardless our status in life… These principles and concepts apply across the board. These concepts of navigation should be taught in school - right along with stillness. I applaud your growth and excited for my own continued. Been watching you for years and am proud of your hard work personally and professionally. Congrats on Momma-To-Be! I will continue to watch and root you on from the sidelines, your happiness is catchy and well deserved. You have come a Long Way Baby and has been my pleasure to have been with you on the journey. You are a flower blossomed, the baby will be blessed and benefit from a centered self aware Momma. As a Na-Na my goals also align 🙏

[@screen7136]

Setting reasonable goals and achieving them gives confidence imo. Thats why a step by step program is very good. Like a perfect day success guide.

[@reubensane5539]

I have to show your summary to my therapist. I was just reading that book but the way you were able to articulate the bullet points gave me a much more profound understanding and Epiphany that I should work on that it’s my choice how I feel not my circumstances or previous experiences. This was a breakthrough in one podcast that over a year w my therapist couldn’t achieve. Thanks for sharing your understanding of what you learned ,you are a gift.

[@ChelseaIrene]

I have a problem with comparing myself to my boyfriends exes - def have had issues with retroactive jealousy but I’ve done really well at not bringing it into the relationship but have heavily internalized it. I would love to hear a coffee talk on the topic ❤️ this has helped but i’d love a deeper dive on specifics especially regarding jealousy and insecurity

[@marthelea]

Started listening to you talking while making my morning coffee and then making some banana pancakes. So all this pancake talk really matched up with my Sunday morning 😂🥞 And this talk was one I've really been waiting for. These books have been on my to-read list ever since I heard you mention them the first time. I think many of these lessons are some I've been incorporating into my life for many years now. Especially the self-acceptance journey I've been traveling on. And the mindset of others being my comrades is probably one of my favourite ones I've heard to date.

[@awkoseal]

listening from bed to fall asleep but i know i’m not gonna fall asleep listening to ur awesome advice ❤️🥰 love u kalyn

[@keziahshyah]

It's the day after my sister's birthday so I am drinking tea and eating cake with Coffee talk

[@miamontesgonzalez8693]

You're my favorite to listen to while I work!! 🤗

[@ReReChan]

I've read both books and they're truly life-changing.

[@jennakim4117]

this video brought me a lot of comfort. thank you.

[@screen7136]

Being healthy and useful gives courage and purpose imo.

[@22otd]

im turning thirty in a few months and i feel like this video really resonates with me, i feel like im at a crossroads in my life and this video so helpful! love your videos ❤️❤️

[@zamzamsouleiman]

coffee and language learning

[@cassidywilliams9142]

Loved this episode 💞 gonna have to read those books!!

[@artcraftmathcareenjoylearn1434]

I am going to enjoy watching the video

[@marquisstarks9471]

Wow. Just wow. What a captivating and refreshing take. Illuminating

[@anastasiiabratchenko]

You are amazing!

[@siirikarkkainen]

Loved this episode 🤍🤍

[@aasvlogmas]

yes yes i agree

[@edenborden3846]

Such good timing💛I'm currently letting go of judgement. Both toward me and from me and the thoughts on interpersonal relationships were beautiful!

[@user-ke7uj8js1x]

Thank you ❤❤❤❤

[@majoordonez9723]

[@WisdomClarity]

Thanks very much 😊

[@user-lb9zt2be8k]

I love your knowledge and that drink looks amazing! Side note do you have a link for this top or dress. I love it

[@marieestelle709]

I'm happy with being myself

[@nasrinn6733]

I'm plucking my eyebrows while listening to you.

[@AuroraRockey]

ur videos are so amazing! so glad i found ur channel

[@phoebespringfield1591]

Okay but I want to know where you got the cup that’s In the thumbnail?! I love it

[@sydneyskogebo3765]

I am drinking pink lemonade. Didn’t plan on watching this until after pouring it. Lol

[@allier1940]

This was a great coffee talk! I always look forward to watching these with coffee or tea. Today I was having coffee.

[@mehrinoznurmatova383]

💜😊

[@QuranicRecitation99]

The courage tobe disliked is on my reading list for so long i think now is the time to read it

[@chrissyhammerbeck4133]

You always know just what I need to hear somehow.

[@SH-ec6ev]

I have been reading this book for the past month (very slowly lol) but I love your insights on it! I recently started changing my thinking and it is truly freeing to implement being fine with being disliked, in one's life. Just a few days ago, I had a family member try and manipulate me into doing what they wanted (at my cost) and it was eye-opening to see it, and just be honest with them and myself and stand my ground and decline.

[@marieestelle709]

❤🎉😊

[@peleensorganic1214]

love this

[@vvmarie9922]

I really enjoyed this I need to be more positive , I have anxiety and depression I let little things get to and I get annoyed easily even with my family I don't like being this way , I'm a care taker for my sister she has seizures , I also was a care taker for my dad as well he had kidney failure so he was going through Dialysis until he passed a year in a half since he passed I can't take care of my sister if I'm not ok, I'm going to look into the book you mentioned

[@nightskies4764]

you always come at the perfect time 😭

[@julieyoung4915]

What us the philosophy concept you mentioned around the 5 min mark?

[@gigif5461]

Im having today Strawberry milkshake

[@THECHANGINGPODCAST]

I’m drinking a ginseng caramel macchiato❤

[@maryknighttttttttttttttttt]

Hi. What kind of nail polish do you have? 🙈

[@tamarahaughton2602]

Woah 🤯

[@kosarzabihi2639]

Have a cup of warm tea 🍵 and ready to watch the video 🤍🌱

[@snigdhaanand5659]

You are smart and beautiful ☺️ and I like your pov though it’s kinda difficult to impose👉🏻👈🏻

[@Klara_is_finding_herself]

I was talking with my therapist about my need to be liked by others and how important it is to me yesterday. So this video couldn't come in better time

[@dianastalkshow]

ily

[@chrissyhammerbeck4133]

Is that a Buddha statue behind you? I like it

[@jasminetdwilder]

I really like the idea of not letting your trauma "hold you down" so to speak. Sure, things happen but also, why should you let it hold you down for years? Like many others, I fell a victim to this habit as well and this whole year I've been working through trauma. I do believe you have to work it out of your system but there is no reason to hold on to it afterwards. I haven't read his second book yet but I definitely need to!

[@CristinasofiaTaroist]

Perfect timing 🙏

[@amandabee2246]

I haven't even watched this yet and I need this aha

[@nicolatee97]

Just finished reading this book, talk about perfect timing ☺️

[@Serenity601]

Baby girl and I are watching this while I feed her a bottle

[@screen7136]

Most american channels have zero international news unlike most other countries. So there is no compare and contrast. This can create a nation of narcisists and easily convincable consumerists without alternatives in business or medicine etc.

[@cassidy757]

You always know exactly which coffee talk i have to hear, thank you for everything you do for this community girl! 🤍🤍 Coffee talk suggestion? - would you be able to make one on how to forgive your parent(s) for abuse and how to move on from your traumatic past? Having a hard time letting go and feeling angry about the past. Therapy is helping, but i feel like it's not enough sometimes.

[@alexdalton4535]

first of all, you don't have to forgive them. it's also normal to feel angry. second of all, I would recommend reading "The Tao of Fully Feeling" by Pete Walker.