The Declaration of Independence is a Phylactery!?

[@YouWillBeHappyOrElse]

Rogue: "You ever think about how many people you could heal?" Paladin: "You ever think about how many times I've failed to ask about your methods?" Rogue: "...Oh." Paladin: "Pass the salt, please."

[@bigbear4120]

The last guy must've thought his mead was spiked by the bard and dwarf again.

[@nicholasfarrell5981]

Or just "the dwarf bard", that's a fun combination to play.

[@Halberds8122]

He's either a bagpipe user or a very good/bad bar singer (everyone is drunk anyway)

[@gonggonglive]

@@Halberds8122 it's funny how everyone associates dwarves with scottish people in general. Bagpipes, swearing, and mostly being voiced with a Scottish accent.

[@shanerasmussen5225]

​@@gonggonglive Not me, I realized a long time ago the huge similarities between Dwarven culture and Klingon culture. Consonant heavy gutteral language, the strongest alcohol in existence, extreme martial philosophy, and usually very strong dislike or hatred for the guys with pointed ears.

[@solalabell9674]

The last one happened to me when my character made a meta joke and the dm had me roll a wis save to avoid psychic damage from breaking the fourth wall so the character is now canonically aware of the existence of dnd and the dm who he later cast divination to contact him

[@XariaSilver-zn1bc]

So you have Deadpool now

[@VanNessy97]

There is actually a PDF file of the Dungeon Master as a Warlock Patron, and I'm using it for my next joke character in a joke campaign!

[@Senok13]

Multiclass into a Great Old One Warlock. Those usually isn't make a proper "pact", instead "steal" their knowledge from a being so powerful, that it didn't even notice the power you take from their dimension - at least until you became so powerful, that you can be actually useful to it. The DM will be your patron.

[@Zander2212]

1:07 if one of my players did this, I'd go full Pirates. "I said no lies!" "I think he's telling the truth." "If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us."

[@ditto7047]

Good old Refuge In Audacity

[@Gamemaster15568]

Doing this now

[@yugison64]

“Unless of course he knew you wouldn’t believe the truth even if he told you…”

[@benpepin7872]

On the anxiety thing, my DM has a habit of responding to jokes my party makes, both in and out of character, with three fear-inducing words: "...Writing that down..."

[@Blutteufel]

That's just as scary as when my DM says "When it happens, you'll know..." when we ask too many questions about things we're not supposed to know about, yet. It never ends well...

[@ts25679]

Making your phylactery a national treasure is just good sense. Security, storage, maintenance and staffing are no joke when you live forever and bills keep coming. I don't want to be a wage slave for the rest of eternity as well.

[@YouWillBeHappyOrElse]

Literally put his heart and soul into the founding of the nation? That sounds plausible.

[@Dom_Maretti]

..."a national treasure". Nah. (In Nicholas Cage voice) National Treasure.

[@e-k3620]

@ts25679 exactly what I was thinking!

[@LiamGers-cx1kn]

Or a family heirloom if the Lich has descendants.

[@peterhacke6317]

It sounds like a good idea, until you realize that nations are relatively short lived compared to eternity.

[@Martial_Autist]

You know that would actually be an ingenious choice of phylactery. Make it something so important that an entire nation will protect and maintain it. x'D

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

Exactly! Something so treasured and beloved that they really put their heart and soul into maintaining it.

[@Original_Syn]

And when the Country goes to war guess where all the fallen souls go. This means that the Lich Washington hasn’t had to personally feed his Phylactery for a very long time because he has a near inexhaustible stream of others who’ll happily do it for him.

[@eddebrock]

Tarot DnD: **pulls tower** -"FUCK!"

[@Heyhowsitgoin999]

This has a whole new horrifying meaning if you've played The Binding of Isaac lol

[@eddebrock]

@@Heyhowsitgoin999Binding of Isaac is literally referencing the tarot card "The tower"

[@weissraben4476]

We have played that. We also discovered that That Player(tm) - you know which one, the one who is going to declare something absurd then roll _whatever_ the DM puts down as a condition for success without fail - also translates to that kind of mechanics.

[@Heyhowsitgoin999]

Yeah I know, but what if you drew a card from the Deck of Many Things and instead of the normal effect you got the Binding of Isaac effect@@eddebrock

[@Evnyofdeath]

@@Heyhowsitgoin999 The Tower represents a failure or loss of agency in Tarot

[@GusCraft460]

If someone rolls very high on perception check when there’s nothing to find, they should find a coin on the ground.

[@arieldeclaire-nuit]

Or if we're using CAH : "Racism"

[@PicturesqueGames]

That's 10+. Nat 20 would be a purse with couple of expensive gems hidden beneath the the floor.

[@selfiestick1589]

@@PicturesqueGames i get the feeling the party will abuse this kind of thing, repeatedly stopping a lot at unnecessary times and places, and if I learned anything from the skinner boxes is that giving them the reward only sometimes will lead to them getting addicted instead of doing it on purpose

[@kalahatze]

​@@selfiestick1589It's impossible for the party to abuse anything in DnD. It's not a normal RPG with consistent rules. The DM can always change things if they feel the party is trying to abuse something.

[@selfiestick1589]

@@kalahatze I didn't consider that ngl

[@Oswin2642]

I managed to incorporate "it is now" into a job interview, and still got the job. Clearly, I rolled a nat 20 on persuasion.

[@selfiestick1589]

id love to have the context if you dont mind

[@Oswin2642]

@@selfiestick1589 Interviewer reading off of something in their binder: "Would you say that your leadership style is more reliant on compassion over guidelines?" Me, baffled, but seeing this once in a lifetime opportunity: It is now! Interviewer, somehow more confused than they already were: 🤨 ... moving on.

[@selfiestick1589]

@@Oswin2642 lol prolly good they didn't understand you, you basically said "the rules don't take priority over compassion" which is the moral thing to do/say but probably not what they want to hear

[@christopherk2185]

The Washington Monument was under construction during the war, but was on hold (due to the war). You could have the final battle there.

[@JoshuaEisenbart]

Who knew that the reason it was made from to two different kinds of stone, was because the second half was enchanted to keep him sealed away?

[@poutinemcflurry3544]

My players had to destroy a lichs phylactery, but the head of an evil dwarf clan was expecting them to deliver it to her, so what they decided to do was BIND A GHOST to the phylactery and tell her that was the lichs spririt after they dispel the magic. I didn’t think it was possible, if I decided to roll with it.

[@teamcyeborg]

Consider: D&D but everyone uses a different type of cards. One player uses tarot, one uses CAH, one uses a deck of playing cards, and one player uses a Tarroka deck from Ravenloft. "Everyone, roll for perception" "Death." "Old people smell." "King of Diamonds." "...Marrionette."

[@WillMoff0]

Im rolling up with some Pokemon cards myself

[@Spiritnick]

Hold on, let me grab my Uno deck

[@snartboy5000]

ok lemme just get my yu gi oh stuff hang on

[@Ilovecyanide]

Lemme just get my clue cards (or cluedo depending on your country)

[@Ilovecyanide]

Roll for initiative: Mega Rayquaza Blue 8 Aitsu Mr green

[@dndhat]

love all of these Gotta say though, when my party flubs an easy perception check (or a hard one) I just tell them their character got distracted by something small, like a puddle they stepped on and how it is soaking into their boot... and how it isn't water.

[@YouWillBeHappyOrElse]

I like to mess with my players with the most mundane things. Nat 1? They feel something approaching, something dreadful, something inevitable. Suddenly, terribly, they lose all control of their body, as their lips draw back from their teeth in a ragged inhalation, the horrible burning stabbing sensation behind their eyes forcing their lids shut as they cry out "Ah...AH...AH...!!! "ACHOO!"

[@Heyhowsitgoin999]

​@@YouWillBeHappyOrElsefuck man all that for a sneeze lol

[@tauronmitronion377]

On the one hand, yes. On the other, I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've looked all over the place for [insert small-to-medium-size item] only to find it was somewhere I'd already looked, but failed to notice it. Sometimes rolling a 4 on a DC 5 Perception check is just what happens.

[@mewmew8932]

Ah, great. Needed some gas, thanks for the tip-off.

[@alexlovel]

At a gaming establishment, of the players brought like the most dad character. Don't remember the name but he played him brilliantly, talked about grills and house parties and sharing stores. Unfortunately he was extremely underleveled and died in the first session.

[@LettuceGayming]

George Washington should have obscenely high constitution

[@emberthecatgirl8796]

You know why the monsters are distant? Because. Of. Me!

[@klavczarkalafan4191]

That fish with no eyes joke reminds me of a time my grandparents gave me a riddle "Roof. How do you spell that with no 'r' " and I said "Technically you'd be spelling it correctly if you wrote a pictogram or an ideogram, like the character from Chinese writing and just said it stood for the English word 'roof' and you wouldn't have to use the letter 'r' " and they said "That's a nice idea but the answer is 'T' 'H' 'A' 'T' "

[@zacharylund6926]

I really need to know how the civil war one ended.

[@charliegarrison9688]

Abraham Lincoln fought against the southern vampire horde and won with a silver axe.

[@mewmew8932]

I swear I've seen a movie like that or smth

[@leopardian]

I was playing DnD the other day with my high level drakewarden ranger, we were on a ship, I was on the mast "hey DM, can I camoflage here?" got told yes, did that, cast pass without a trace, expertise in stealth, nat 20, total of 57 stealth roll, I did not enter combat and the enemies beleived that the drake was the one shooting arrows at them.

[@nabra97]

I mean, George Washington could be just unwilling to return to life. But it would probably be pretty underwhelming for players.

[@RequiemPoete]

Or he sees the Civil War as the great democratic experiment failing and decides to start consolidating his undead power to seize control and become an undead king, to maintain "freedom" through force in a "Hell is paved with good intentions"

[@lizardkyng]

at 3:01 the party anxiety section. Hell yeah! when I run my players have written at least 40% of their own encounters if not more. And numerous sections of the big bad's master plan. And sometimes wildly change the course of my planed encounters. Running the Hellboy rpg in 1925 ATM last weekend on of the players walked into a local police station wearing a flamethrower and started throwing attitude when the chief freaked out about it. What was supposed to be negotiation till the big bad showed up turned into standoff till the big bad showed up.

[@frantisekvrana3902]

0:55 He'd have to be pretty high level for 30. 1 person per level (5 points of Lay-on-Hands) + however many lv2+ spell slots he has for Lesser Restoration. Being a half-caster that isn't many. Besides, who says the Paladin won't open a clinic when he retires from adventuring?

[@dracothewarrior4316]

that last one would give anyone an existential crisis (in game)

[@spcwild]

I'm saving the 4th wall break for any 30 Perception rolls. 😂

[@Landis963]

That paladin one is weaksauce. There's entire clerical orders for that, and if a few distant monsters are nipped in the bud before they get close, no one's gonna punish one paladin on walkabout for it.

[@YouWillBeHappyOrElse]

Not so much weaksauce, actually! A person with a lot of competencies has to decide what they're going to do and where; so either you get bogged down in smaller tasks that anyone could theoretically do, or you go off and do the big tasks others aren't really equipped to do while feeling bad about the smaller things you could've been doing. Irrational, but there you go.

[@Merilirem]

Depends. The fighters could just as easily be going off to kill those beasts. The healers might be needed on such journeys sure, but a fighter certainly makes a leas useful guard or police officer equivalent than a paladin who can beat criminals up then heal them or their victims. Also no one said anything about punishing the paladin. Just that perhaps a healer would be more valuable than a monster hunter.

[@IowaDad81]

That level 15 general manager must be a DAD 3.5e PC.

[@matthewjaniss4103]

As for an accent, it would be an english(brittish) one. He served qith the brittish for most of his military career before the revolution.

[@Evnyofdeath]

Yes but a British accent from the 1700s would sound more like an American Southern accent than a modern day British accent.

[@matthewjaniss4103]

@@Evnyofdeath honestly I'm not sure what it would really sound like, need to ask a language professor. Also many folks also spoke French as well, Washington fought with them in the French/Indian wars so that would be a factor too. Maybe he had a creole accent.

[@traditionalnative]

As a tarot reader by trade, the idea of using tarot cards in DND is both awesome and really funny. Rolling for bardic inspiration: "uh... 3 of wands... Reversed. On your own, buddy!" Could really work if the person is a skilled reader. It takes a lot of skill just to know how to interpret cards, let alone be accurate in following their intuition and being skilled/gifted enough in spiritual ways to be even a good reader, let alone great one. Having one person or more who is skilled in tarot do it by tarot deck and the rest by CAH would be very funny

[@Questfinder1]

Tarot and Oracle card combos. Are a table full of Mystics training to be the Next Oracles of Delphi. Dict plus card decide the fate of your character. Shuffle wisely. *Oh that sounds like a fun concept of the mystery and mishaps at Merchans school of Mystic Arts -oracle division*

[@thepeeps5943]

Good thing mine tarot deck includes reversed

[@SusanForman042]

The D20 on perception roll ... Yeah if that Character told their friends/teammate about what they just saw It would probably go something to effect of Version 1: dude! what fucking drugs are you on and why are you not sharing them with the rest of us? Version 2: "Dude, are you having a bad trip right now? Guys we need to put the quest on hold right now and baby sit this idiot. "

[@Alpha-yh8wq]

1:28 my paladin got a ring that did this. Five sessions later we arrived at the Druid grove that the party’s Druid (who couldn’t remember her past) grew up in to find it destroyed, I draw for investigation and pull the four of swords which has something about the dead being unable to rest. DM: you notice that the corpse of the Druid at your feet is a dead body, a dead body doesn’t move, you notice that it’s moving. This turned into an unplanned combat against the reanimated corpses of the Druid’s friends and family. I am no longer allowed to investigate in proximity to any dead bodies.

[@bladehoon]

Tarot DND: *pulls hanged man* Phasmophobia players: *sweats profusely*

[@keepperspective]

I want Zac to just my life aloud-I need this laughter

[@alexbrewer9930]

After two successive Nat 1’s on investigation rolls: “After intensive questioning, you are absolutely sure that the potted cactus knows nothing about where the goblins are. The ficus, however, seems rather shady…”

[@CosmicAggressor]

I thought you would incclude the lawfull good warebare rampage clip. That was hilarius and I really want to see the resulting nonsense the verius discords add to it. The towns folk in particular might just get annoyed after like the 5th time a new public works building goes up over night.

[@golesh-ow5dp]

Fun fact : dimension 20's unsleeping city did it. The bbeg of the whole campaign is a lich version of ROBERT MOSES! The bridge guy

[@mrblakeboy1420]

3:39 “oh god, am i going to be dming?” “you are now” actual interaction

[@Vinemaple]

Nice Irving Finkel impression. I'm glad I wasn't the first to characterize that guy as a wizard

[@SuperWalkingGame]

The ball of anxiety one? I had the reverse happen to me. DM was recording it on Roll20. Bad guy ws hidding under a fishery, and he had this room with a bassin in a center. Jokingly, i said "What, is that guy keeping a pet alligator in there?" He was. On the recording you can see the DM panicking and checking that the alligator token wasn't visible to the players.

[@boij2906]

4:32 Dungeons and Daddies is a real podcast 😅

[@stratometal]

That last one... excellent!

[@f.m848]

Damn that last one!

[@darylzambrana1370]

My group and I found a creative solution as to why a character failed a perception check: Mahogany. This stems from a session where a friend of mine, a Warforged Bloodhunter, rolled perception when they were inside a library. Obviously, he failed, so I described his character getting distracted by the Mahogany bookshelves and not paying attention to anything else. Now, any time someone fails, they immediately know that their character was distracted by mahogany wood XD

[@TotallyCyn]

4:46 there was one time when one of my party members rolled a Nat 1 (it was to identify that the galleon next to our ship, was in fact, there) and the DM went “Your vision just cuts off about a foot infront of you”

[@lapstras5496]

Here as well

[@segevstormlord3713]

I actually played a character named Bob Johnson in a cyberpunk space future Pathfinder game. He was a Q&A guy at the megacorp the party wound up having to infiltrate. He was helpful in that he had legit access!

[@Metty_]

That tarot idea happened to me in my first ever game of GURPS, only it was then also used for character backstories too and everything else except for character stats/traits. It was my last ever game of GURPS with those people.

[@bluejayblaze1180]

The perception check thing at the end: I've had a couple players roll nat 1s; my go-to response has been "You suddenly spot your feet. It's been a while since you thought about those. Nothing else catches your attention."

[@NeptuneTranscripts]

5:16 Yeah, my DM did this to me once. Was a 24 on perception. From that moment on, whenever someone got 24, they would instantly die. "I got 24 on my stealth check" "You are hidden from the VEIL OF GOD and CEASE TO EXIST" "Huh?"

[@lunarsuperstar]

What if.... that last guy was a ranger... and after that, he changes his favored terrain to Table... He tells the party what he saw but no one believes in him, despite his bonuses from Favored Terrain being ALWAYS active...

[@vanessaeve925]

I have done the Tarot card idea. Not in D&D but the Serenity TTRPG. I played a superstitious mechanic who used her Tarot cards before she made a major decision. Sometimes the cards were scarily accurate, sometimes they were way off, but no matter what I drew, the GM got an absolute kick out of it. Since he never planned anything, just improved it, I suspect he used my "predictions" as fodder for the next game session. I miss that game. It was a blast.

[@Elliandr]

Some years ago I ran a character with "Master of Shrouds" class. Although normally reserved for evil characters, I found a justification for playing as a good person. So, the Master of Shrouds is able to summon undead which is why it's seen as evil, but the undead are summoned from elsewhere in the material plane (rather than created on the spot) and are promptly destroyed when the spell expires. As such, the mere act of summoning an undead in your inn room effectively removes a dangerous undead from the world forever. Leveling as a Master of Shrouds also causes the divine spell casting level to increase making for a versatile healer than can summon a dread wraith to absorb damage. I later went on to design a class for the book "Spheres of Power" based on that character and I got my name in the credits of the book as a result.

[@shanerasmussen5225]

The TV show Sleepy Hollow had an undead George Washington.

[@Stefan-ih9kd]

Here before the commenters who only saw the first world heritage post and comment on that already for attention

[@setster007]

brick

[@mrblakeboy1420]

“roll for persuasion” “uhh…” “oh god, what do you have” “…a mating display”

[@PicturesqueGames]

That was D100 roll, so 69. Nice.

[@ixeliema]

Oh gdi I was just reminded of the time my DM made the sky green in a certain area, and it was our first session, so we questioned why, my partner rolled a 4 and I rolled a 19 and he just looked at both of us and sighed and said "THE SKY SURE IS GREEN" and we never questioned him again

[@maddog9213]

i have always loved the idea of the dm being the final boss

[@ravennyx3000]

4:20 rule one: don't wander off Doctor Who

[@safsren]

I love watching these videos when he just starts laughing in the middle of reading the story

[@Depressed_pea]

I started DMing for my little 8 year old sister and she was stuck in a jail cell with nothing but some metal scraps and SHE INVENTED THE LIGHT BULB!!!

[@stillthere1238]

withmy taefling paladin i always get nat 1s with a +2

[@Connorses]

The Skyjacks podcast doesn't exactly play Tarot card DnD, but they do have a set of cards they draw from when they need to spice things up. I think it's a great option to have at your table.

[@PflastermamaPflastermama]

I have to build in a dude in one of my campaigns who has a fake deck of many things with only deth cards that cast an Illusion that feels like power word kill being cast on them. Just imagine the look on a players face when you ask them at how many hp they are knowing they are under a hundred after they pulled a deth card.

[@potatoslices4920]

I love this.

[@RainRoe]

Oh my gosh so the faild perseption roll "its ether wet or dry" that happened to me once! I picked up a coin my roomaite left under some really grose pile of trash for a few months and I couldn't tell if it was just cold, oily, or wet.

[@aquamarinerose5405]

Someone else already noted it, but technically a paladin can only really heal like... 1 person per paladin level per day of a disease. Or. 1 per level from Lay on Hands, Plus about... 2 more at level 5 from lesser restoration, 3 more at 8 from the same, and eventually a 20th level paladin can spend every spell slot they have to get 11 more people. If you're already a level 20 paladin, you're probably dealing with far more significant threats than healing exactly 31 sick people, and if you're only like level 5 or so then healing 5 sick people probably won't help a ton to help stop the outbreak of a disease unless you're basically there for patient zero, and even then you'd want to discover the cause and do something about it.

[@kangkaboom2592]

2:27 thank you

[@Ramsey276one]

1:32 Brainstorming for it in 1 hour! XD

[@ShadedTurtle]

*Sees something mive in a cave* Is that a dragon?! *DM* It is now! *Rest of the party* Fu-

[@mike9139]

YOU ARE AWESOME! ❤❤❤

[@madarchmage1151]

I like this. Thank you

[@hunter5822]

George Washington is the reluctant avatar of liberty, freedom, and equality…

[@TheBorzoi]

I like the idea of a Druid that can't control what they wild shape in to. Use a deck of MTG cards or something else that has creatures. Whenever they cast the spell, you draw a card from that deck and turn in to that creature.

[@Merilirem]

Sounds cool. So,eckind of wild magic druid.

[@umbreonhyperdream]

He *perceived*

[@themidnightbanshee5927]

I thought this was a conspiracy theory or something Took me a few seconds it was DnD

[@TimmyTheNerd]

There is a TTRPG that uses Tarot cards. It's called Divination. Haven't played it, so no idea if it's good or not. Just remember hearing about it since I'm a bit of a goth and tend to shop at places that carry such things.

[@benjamindebo9283]

GEORGE WASHINGTON! George Washington? George Washington.

[@orthusgames9888]

The last character then had an existential crisis and tried to find out what the hell he just saw and the rest of the day checked him into a mental hospital.

[@ethansuarez4722]

I've always wanted to play DnD but have neither the time nor the friends

[@voshadxgathic]

Playing CAH D&D with the family: *Teenage daughter rolls for perception* Kanye West

[@Dodsodalo]

Dies this make Nicholas Cage a Paladin, ironically because of Ghost Rider and National Treasure, or American Harry Potter?

[@SteelPokeNinja]

So there’s actually an official DnD tarot deck, and they actually suggest doing things like determining encounters via tarot cards

[@emzak77]

I'd love to hear you tell the tale about Old Man Henderson, the character who beat Call of Cthulhu

[@marcusc9931]

My DM actually draws tarot cards when something random happens.

[@dartimes6048]

Aren’t phylacteries supposed to contain the grave dirt and the body of the lich? Phylacteries exist to tether the Lich’s soul to the mortal plane. If the phylactery is destroyed the Lich continues to live after until they die that final time. Most universes have this as a plot point to bring back BBEG. We see it in Harry Potter with Horcruxes. Same concept but it uses a object infused with the soul and doesn’t use the body.

[@jeffthebaptist3602]

Note that Tarot D&D is just the Deck of Many Things.

[@mrblakeboy1420]

imagine getting a charisma check and drawing “spectacular abs”

[@PicturesqueGames]

Mike O'Hearn gif reaction.

[@necktiefox2917]

When Americans make jokes about stealing the Declaration of Independence they never add the bit where they pose dramatically before Mount Rushmore and scream "NOW IS THE TIME! AWAKEN MY MASTERS!"

[@Slash_to_your_heart]

Ooook...so what save would insanity be..? That last guy got a hp lovecraftian experience

[@Ramsey276one]

Instalike for thumbnail & title! XD

[@clintonbehrends4659]

4:02 firstly that is an eel not a fish secondly there are fish with no eyes called mexican tetras and they live in caves

[@eleanordawes8634]

A character i dmed for got a nat 20 perception saw us and now thinks they have schizophrenia so i keep adding in things that communicate telepathically to make the character even more scared like he will be in a room and he will just hear random words i come up with by rolling its fun the player really plays into it aswell

[@scourgey4205]

Put my best 2 cards against perception checks in comments…. Completely forgot the algorithm was gonna have a COMPLETE MELTDOWN! 🤣🤣🤣 I may have just got myself put in KZbin jail for a bit 🙄

[@Ahriri__]

Oh man I was second cool

[@Toneill029]

If you’re gonna resurrect a past President resurrect John Adams, he was a great politician, believed in racial equality and was vital to countries founding and success.

[@nixes1636]

What's the song that starts at 1:28?

[@hufflepuffvoldida7977]

Dungeons and Daddies *Not a BDSM Podcast*

[@aurumvale9908]

why was the paladin cool with robbing a hospital?

[@dum747]

Who got here from a short?

[@charpick3781]

Noob here what’s a phylactery