The Game That's Nothing But Stairs

[@OneShortEye]

PLAY STAIR QUEST: decafjedi.itch.io/stair-quest PLAY STAIR QUEST WINTER 2023 Edition: wilcoweb.itch.io/stair-quest-winter-2023 SECRET PARSER COMMANDS any level: bribe stairs, bribe time, crawl stairs, eat self, enter stairs, kiss self, iddqd, idkfa, idfa, idmap, stare stairs, idspispopd, kickstart [anything], brexit, hut of brown now sit down, razzle dazzle root beer, toss bridle brown mountain: look ocean entrance or mauve level (when orb is present): instagram orb, roy orb llama level: calm llama cat level: look manannan, talk manannan, get manannan, dispel manannan, pet manannan tower: look squares sand level: ride the snake

[@FrederikOlsen]

"Look ocean" at the Brown Mountain, which is one of Jess', is one of my absolute favourites. I remember testing the game during development - without checking the parser responses in advance - and I happened to type in that completely innocuous command. I was chuckling for at least the remainder of the day.

[@Johnny_Nitro]

Does Sloose Box have a FB or YT channel? I want to patch something into QfG1 and I hope to ask him a question or two.

[@OneShortEye]

@@Johnny_Nitro He doesn't have a FB or YT, but he does have a personal website and blog. www.benshoof.org/blog/about You might also want to join the QFG speedrun discord. They're very knowledgeable in there: discord.gg/pqJgCj3

[@Johnny_Nitro]

@@OneShortEye thanks for the links and info

[@asterionarts7490]

My parents scoffed at me when I announced I have finally beaten the Space Quest II cyan plant maze. Back in the day, they did it on monitor that displayed only shades of green. Mad respect.

[@Mythraen]

Unless they can provide you with such a monitor, they have no grounds for scoffery!

[@genericname2747]

Oh my god why

[@godofdefeat]

Just wanna say thank you for putting up proper subtitles. As a non native English speaker they still help a lot even after knowing English for more than 15+ years

[@OneShortEye]

Glad you like them! I use DaVinci Resolve's transcription feature to start with, then go through and fix things I notice. Sometimes errors slip through, so I apologize in advance. :)

[@DemBonez665]

@@OneShortEye To echo this, I grew up with deaf family and I have auditory processing issues so this is super-helpful for me as well. Thank you for your efforts!

[@rotisseriepossum]

@@OneShortEye>then go through errors I notice I always use subtitles when available and you’d be surprised how many KZbinrs don’t bother w this, much appreciated.

[@twixx1]

I use these too, much appreciated

[@SunroseStudios]

​@@rotisseriepossumyeah. the worst is when they bake the subtitles into the video on screen, and they have crucial errors in them

[@denischen8196]

I was thinking if someone made a troll game called Collectors Anxiety that is about everything that could go wrong with collectibles. A collectible that is obtained in a very obscure way, a collectible hiding right before a gate that you didn't know was one-way, collectibles in autoscrollers, a puzzle that actually makes the collectible unreachable when solved, a collectible that is seemingly very hard to get but actually impossible until you beat the game, and more.

[@vinzo0913]

And of course the one-time random collectible that only appears in 1 cutscene halfway through and if you miss it you can't watch the cutscene again, and have to do a ridiculous side quest to get the cutscene back, which then plays at double speed

[@patientallison]

> a puzzle that actually makes the collectible unreachable when solved Flashbacks to the World 3 star in Braid

[@QuantemDeconstructor]

That unreachable when solved one reminds me of the Destruction Sphere reward in Macalania Temple back in FFX

[@asdbanz316]

​​@@vinzo0913 1 hour long cutscene which is collectable, but you need to rewatch it because first time you didn't knew. Me playing witness

[@Mythraen]

A collectible (or switch) where you have to click it pixel perfect... if you don't, you actually click on the ALSO clickable surface next to it, which is somewhere between annoying and game-ending, depending on your level of trolliness.

[@MagusMarquillin]

Never in my humblest dreams did I think Stair Quest would ever get the documentary it richly deserved, but you've just made it. You're doing gods work my Eye!

[@EilonwyWanderer]

The fact that nobody recognized "It's showtime, Synergy!" is... Truly outrageous. Truly, truly, *truly* outrageous!

[@OrgaNik_Music]

"Everyone should recognize the same niche things I do!"

[@MrDrCthulhu]

@@OrgaNik_Music They're quoting a line from the theme song.

[@Mythraen]

@@MrDrCthulhu I was wondering. It looked rather specific.

[@NinjaDoilyn]

@@Bobo-ox7fj Taric in League of Legends quotes the outrageous line. Or used to, I haven't played in ages.

[@razor1199]

Told you bout stairs bro.

[@jaromeltuzerad9267]

i told you dog

[@residentgiant]

IT KEEPS HAPPENING

[@ataraxianAscendant]

:Y

[@hosatus2433]

​8y

[@Zofuture]

:^y

[@decafjedi]

I'll confess to writing the Jem and the Holograms reference at 12:40. I was a huge fan of the cartoon as a kid, even before Christy Marx was associated with Sierra. 😁

[@yawg691]

I got it! You have at least one appreciator :)

[@mecjamoss5535]

@@yawg691 There are dozens of us! 👩‍🎤💅

[@EilonwyWanderer]

A truly outrageous reference! Glad there are others out there who recognize Ms. Benton's brilliance 😁

[@rusinoe8364]

​@mecchamouse5535 DOZENS

[@walnut_raisin2621]

it was awesome to see! love that show

[@bellduke6417]

“If it exists people will speedrun it.” The Internet in the 2020’s

[@AyyKayy-n3u]

Is that one of the rules of the internet?

[@internetreferee8463]

Prove it. Steam Key: 9CTVH-AN6HX-XXAZF

[@bluerockcandy8344]

@@AyyKayy-n3u these days, it really oughta be

[@Jurarigo]

"I need a song that sounds like Moonlight Sonata, only better, and I need it in three days" Whew, no pressure here, such an easy task! For what it could be considered a shitposting game no less (but made with a lot of love and respect... except for Roberta).

[@Krankenstein105]

I would like to point out that Leisure Suit Larry II had a sequence where you would have walk a narrow path and it was IMPOSSIBLE to fall down. I think you actually got points for trying to fall.

[@polygon586]

You get points temporarily, but you lose them at the end of the sequence. The points are there just to bait people into falling on purpose, so they see the full range of increasingly silly survival animations 🙂

[@Apeofd00m]

I had to go back and pause that list of commands, dear lord that’s amazing! “There are easier ways to get circumcised” 😂😂😂

[@GlutzahnLP]

this is such a loveletter to sierra, the 80s and dumb humor, I love it (even tho I was born outside of the 80s and redescovering these classics) I also love how the Dev Team discovers some stuff just in the interview with you bc some other dude put it in XD

[@spacequesthistorian]

We had a shared spreadsheet for parser commands which everyone on the team could edit. Through some sort of black magic, our programmer Patrick would export that spreadsheet and dump it into the game. But since it was a shared spreadsheet, everyone could just type in whatever they felt like, and Patrick would just dump everything into the game, no questions asked. The only rule we had was that we shouldn't edit or remove other people's contributions. So there is a TON of stuff in that parser that I didn't know was in there until OSE had me look through the spreadsheet for this video.

[@GlutzahnLP]

@@spacequesthistorian haha thats about what I thought happened. Great Work eitherway

[@dotcom137]

8:02 "I need a song that sounds like Moonlight Sonata, only better, and I need it in three days" I was drinking coffee, man... 😂

[@FrederikOlsen]

Jess is a tough boss. Tough, but fair, and at least I did have two advantages over old Ludwig van: 1) I had a DAW. 2) I'm not deaf.

[@fashion-baller3399]

​@@FrederikOlsenLMAO, it's so funny that the second one is actually optional for a music composer. Y'all did so good. I hadn't heard of this game before but it looks so charming and hilarious. I gave the soundtrack from the itch page a listen and mandrake root is especially catchy.

[@shinyagumon7015]

Of course Space Quest Historian wrote all the dirty jokes, that naughty boy.

[@Jurarigo]

Should rename himself to Swear Quest Historian :3

[@decafjedi]

SQH wrote all the naughty lines, Gareth wrote all the clever ones, and I wrote whatever was left. 😁

[@wilcoweb]

@@decafjedi I think Frede wrote most of the musical ones too :D

[@YacobBean]

Stairs! Stairs! Stairs! Stairs! Stairs! Stairs!

[@YukoValis]

*falls off*

[@hughmarshall3299]

@@YukoValis *that stupid owl shows up in your face again NO MORE FOR TODAY

[@MagusMarquillin]

🧎‍♀ Stairs! Stairs!🐉🤺 Stairs! 🤸‍♂ Stairs!🏃‍♂ Stairs! Stairs! 🧑‍🦽

[@merrja]

Space Quest Historian's setup is so sparse that it looks like he's streaming from inside a prison cell.

[@Xylophytae]

Those are usually the best ones

[@spacequesthistorian]

My bedroom, my prison... same difference. 😆

[@DoctorSwellman]

All I got from this video was: >stairs are cool >getting rick rolled by stairs is a real fear I have now Really cool vid!

[@KuuImpact]

This is really cool! But they should have warned us about the stairs...

[@TenuousCatz]

IT KEEPS HAPPENING

[@NeonNijahn]

Some people just want to watch the world fall down a staircase

[@rusinoe8364]

piss yeti

[@pinhead7422]

Am I the only one who thought the "short line, long line" sign joke was going to be a Loss reference?

[@spacequesthistorian]

Missed opportunity.

[@rossmallo]

I love how you didn't even need to say out loud that SantaClaus holds the record for this game at this point. At this point it's a borderline formality.

[@VaporeonEnjoyer1]

I feel that if someone wanted to get Santa committed to an insane asylum, they'd just have to show this video, then the WR, and simply say "Your honor, this man is clearly sick." And he'd be carried off in a straitjacket on the spot. The evidence speaks for itself.

[@JenxRodwell]

See to me the thing that caught me completely off guard was...the cover. I did not expect to see Jon Hodgson's art on this project hah!

[@decafjedi]

He was very kind agreeing to let us use it free of charge (since it's a free game).

[@FelisImpurrator]

Chadwick looks more like the Duolingo owl than Cedric. Fitting, considering his clearly homicidal nature.

[@CarletonTorpin]

Once the chiptune Rickroll occurred, that song looped in my head for the remainder of the video’s runtime.

[@acentaur010]

Stairs, my mortal enemy! This game looks sadistic, and I love it! Now I must go play it

[@YelenaSkunky]

This game is a masterpiece. And the fact that there's speedruns is just a cherry on top.

[@Tharronis]

I've never even played any of these old adventure games, and I still love your videos. Hilarious game and a great video!

[@GrimmHooke]

The cat level SLAYED ME in concept alone. Thanks for covering this game!

[@AbNormalHumanBeingsStuff]

Amazing! I had hoped you would tackle this one in a video, I never had the nerves to play it through myself, but watching people play is lots of fun!

[@mikeforte]

This has got me cracking up. I love that Stair Quest exists hahaha

[@dengamleidiot]

OneShortEye videos are just so well made, wholesome feeling, fun and above all: passionate about a nece genre. Love it

[@spacequesthistorian]

OSE is a treasure, and I'm not just saying that 'cos he keeps featuring me in videos. I was a massive fan of his before we ever spoke to each other.

[@NeonNijahn]

This is like chained together in a sierra adventure game.

[@Spiderplant1185]

I watched a play through for this game a few years ago and LOVED it! I thought it was so clever and definitely felt the programmer’s admiration for KQ. Thanks for the background info about it!

[@p3t3mit]

Done! Took me 20 minutes. I died 14 times. I don't know what that says about me. Thanks for making this. There's a part of this that just was so fun and satisfying. I'm not sure how all that works.

[@timothymclean]

It says that you died 0.7 times per minute.

[@charlottecorday8494]

Sorry, the King's Quest 3 stairs are too triggering to watch this. I'm going to go call my therapist real quick

[@Cryabetes]

You can just tell how much love went into this game, I honestly had a smile on my face watching this

[@wymanrtaylor]

I vote for a long-form “Fate of Atlantis” vid in the same vein as the rest of your catalogue

[@guybrushmonkey97]

Didn't know about this game, thanks for making this video!

[@WannabeMarysue]

14:17 golden retriever cameo!!!🎉🐶💯🙏🐕‍🦺 16:39 another one

[@JSterling812]

i love seeing the back and forths you have with the people you interview, i just love seeing people be passionate about something ive been interested in casually for a long time now!!

[@Zorothegallade-rpg]

"I warned you about the stairs bro!"

[@hitempguy]

Ok, that Rumpelstiltskin problem is complete BS lol

[@Mythraen]

Roberta Williams did a lot of very poor game design decisions. I think she also did some good things for Sierra, but I think she will most be remembered for the bad things.

[@Spiderplant1185]

@@MythraenI have got to disagree. It’s the frustrating puzzles that bond us together and keep us laughing 30+ years later (also why this fan game even exists) ! She’s recognized for more than just her moon logic.

[@MizunoKetsuban]

The other happy accident with the restart to the beginning every time you fall is the name of their group "No More For Today" basically outright demands that you step away from the game at least temporarily.

[@ffffffffROTHY]

I see the developers named themselves after that audio glitch from King's Quest 5 where you play it in DOS with the CD version in the tray, and all the dialogue is messed up and in the wrong spots.

[@spacequesthistorian]

Yes we did! When we saw that video from Rev. Scarecrow, we could not stop laughing at it. It's still funny!

[@spacequesthistorian]

I actually did a video that explains how to go about getting that audio-glitched up version. A common misconception is that you have to play the DOS version with the Windows CD in the drive, but that's not true. There is no Windows CD version of KQ5. You have to play the original CD install with the re-released SierraOriginals CD in the drive. kzbin.info/www/bejne/gWfdhqdvm7RsldU

[@ffffffffROTHY]

@@spacequesthistorian Oh, interesting! Thinking on it now, the explanation RevScarecrow gave wouldn't make much sense, but now that I know it's due to re-release's improved audio files having different labels, then I can understand why it happens at all.

[@username5155]

“The game that’s nothing but stairs” sounds like something a Game Journalist would say about Mario 64 after getting 50 stars and not reading the textbox for the Infinite Staircase.

[@lordmarshmal_0643]

Bold of you to assume they can even beat Dark World Bowser

[@morbius_of_krell]

That was the best thing about old skool sierra games. The Treacherous Path! It's iconic.

[@minisav16]

They always say the best parodies are done by people who love the source material and it seems to be very true once again here. Banger vid as always

[@ADarkandStormyNight]

Space Quest Historian!!! I love that guy!!!

[@TheDeadmanTT]

My life is stairs, and they all go down.

[@eddieking6723]

Always nice to see The Space Quest historian pop up!

[@CelticGuardian7]

I actually recently watched an old video on Space Quest Historian's channel about three games he helped make, and that included this one! So when I saw that and then this, I was like, "Is that what he was talking about?" Sure enough! Amazing that it's so well known by this point. =D

[@JPH1138]

Oh, cool to hear Frede Olsen is still doing AG soundtracks when he can. He did good work on Vohaul Strikes Back.

[@GarrettPetersen]

I have a distinct memory of playing a game on a library computer in the 1990s and being disturbed when my character fell to his death. Watching this video brought it right back!

[@jugomebu]

This is such a wonderfully done upload! I love the questions and how you formatted the interviews.

[@SlowMoebius]

Dog getting a good ear scratch at 16:02

[@dglynch222]

Nice to see all those Robotspacer clips.

[@namemycactus]

Seeing things made from love, and limited time, is always great

[@bayoen9819]

0:42 THERE HE IS, LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A PAINTING!

[@FelisImpurrator]

Alternate title: OneShortEye STAIRS at you for twenty minutes. Eh? Ehhhhh?

[@OneShortEye]

👀

[@FelisImpurrator]

​@@OneShortEyeoh no now there's two long eyes

[@Sock66]

Jump king but its on a 386 and hates you even more, and youre little brother turned off the turbo button

[@username5155]

After having watched this video finally (Since for some reason KZbin thought I had already watched it?), I played through Stair Quest. Having never played a Sierra game aside from the smallest amount of KQ1, I beat it in a few hours. Granted, I used some slowdown and safety saves, as well as saving after. Every level, but I made it to the top and back not “easily”, but before it stopped being fun. The cat level was surprisingly easy, all you need to do is find the most lenient path first.

[@scrabblehandforaname]

So fun fact, I actually met the person that made this. He also runs a blog about soda machines in video games.

[@xdcountry]

That was brilliant- fantastic story- through and through. I’ve found my people here.

[@lanthala]

I have so many traumatic memories of Sierra stairs that i was unaware of until the opening montage of this video, thanks. I do remember giving up as a kid and having my mother do the KQIV whale tongue section... Glad that didn't get a recreation here!

[@kanadakid147]

Thanks for sharing this! I wouldn't have heard of it otherwise! Haha

[@bowieinc]

I’d love to see a video about the original police quest. So many hours loading the 20 some discs it came with and never made it past driving ANYWHERE! Man, it was brutal on my 12 year old self. :) side note, just found your channel and really enjoying it:)

[@VCRVoyage]

ROBOTSPACER! I got super confused when I saw his face in the autoplay preview, I hang out in his chat often. He just finished up a playthrough of one of the most obtuse adventure games of all time in Maupiti Island, he also did a speed run of it!

[@OneShortEye]

I hang out there a lot, too! Love his stream, and he was kind enough to give permission to use his playthrough for this video.

[@VCRVoyage]

​@@OneShortEyeHim and USC are both lovely people! I'm so excited to play Transfer Point soon.

[@DudeWatIsThis]

This game is HILARIOUS, lmao. I remember playing KQ1. Those fucking stairs man. It was replaced by the labyrinths in later installments; (almost) just as infamous. Roberta is a sadist.

[@91Vault]

I was literally browsing speed running videos and look what pops up on my home page :D

[@AntipaladinPedigri]

15:26 Chadwick Hoosman, the Black gander

[@TheRandomAustralian]

12:19 he has a name! That's Spiny Norman.

[@spacequesthistorian]

I love that skit so much. What I didn't mention in this interview was that I had to INSIST it was included, even though no one else on the team got the reference.

[@kingyachan]

Are yes, the Muse classic, Super Massive Hitbox

[@spacequesthistorian]

😂😂😂

[@DraconisLeonidas]

I was just watching like half attention, like with most videos, and then you started talking about the rickroll, and it cracked me up. That is such a good inclusion, I love that.

[@warmachinesdrawn4310]

13:35 I had to pause the video. LMAO!!!

[@spacequesthistorian]

😂

[@Fiarlia]

Hell yeah! A new OneShortEye video! Always love your stuff, mate.

[@nb_nb]

Looks cool! Wonder how hard it is to code a game like that. Maybe i should give it a try sometime.

[@Nemo2342]

Can't wait for the eventual video about the history of the speedrun of this game 😆

[@choi13a]

In the subtitles, it should be "pore over the manuals" not "pour over the manuals". Since it seems like the point of this whole enterprise is to be pedantic and old school. :)

[@Masterge77]

Me: "When do we get to the game?" The developers: "This IS the game!"

[@vginsprdsobepr9698]

I loved playing the original King’s Quest as a child. I could only see the ending thanks to KZbin.

[@ShattForte]

brings back so much nostalgia (and pain) from the sierra ms-dos days :')

[@r0bz0rly]

i did not expect this video to be as interesting as it was. shorty knocking it out of the park once again

[@while_coyote]

They should make a Space Quest spoof called "Death Quest" where you just die in hilarious ways every other step.

[@Mantis47]

Ok, but that's just Space Quest

[@spacequesthistorian]

Brandon Blume did an extended version of the Labion root monster sequence for our Space Quest Olympics. It was horrible.

[@JacoDeltaco]

just change my subscribe to everything because apparently youtube will never recomand me your video other wise. Lucky I look up your channel to see if there was a new vid since it has been month

[@mikehulsebus]

Wow, someone of those real stairs missions (where the controls flip) I might take as a "well I guess I can't go here"

[@markcritic2409]

REQUEST! Please check into the Sierra/Dynamix branching games Rise of the Dragon and Heart of China! Just like your AMAZING Longbow video, there's a lot of twists, turns and optional stuff in these and I'd LOVE your deep dive into them!! Great work!

[@Officialencode]

10/10 game omfg. "It's showtime synergy." I love gem

[@IcyXzavien]

I saw the sgdq run of this game, it seems great.

[@SamuelStokesMusic]

Lovely tribute to the greatest spoof game of all time. ❤

[@YukoValis]

So basically the initial motivation was "how can we be as evil as sierra?"

[@scottsellevaag6530]

As a fan of Guppy, really happy to hear William Hughes name-checked at the beginning 😅

[@yawg691]

Your vids consistently bring me joy, man.

[@peopleperson3599]

I warned you about stairs bro!!!! I told you dog!

[@jonothanthrace1530]

I got the Synergy joke! Though for half a second I thought "Larry Fast?"

[@Sharksandwichtornado]

Saw a speedrun of this on GDQ at some point last year it was very fun

[@abx_yenway]

I loved this game so much. It was a hilarious laugh at the worst parts of the things I loved as a kid.

[@KoopaMedia64]

I sat here waiting for the inevitable description of the game's rooms and how speedrunners optimized the whole game, but then the video ended.

[@Oxxyjoe]

For a game that won't stop stairing at you

[@zenithquasar9623]

This is so amazing! It is like Bennet Foddy's Getting Over It!