The Harsh Reality of Problem Solving: What to Do When Nothing Works

[@MELLMAO]

Whoa this is truly a game changer. I suffer from chronic pain daily and it can get very easy to blame yourself and wonder what you did wrong when you get a flare-up, and you go into a vicious cycle of guilt and over-analyzing. What does help a lot more is seeing what am I doing when I have LOWER pain-days or when pain gets more manageable sooner. Ofc, you can't do much when your pain is dependant of barometric pressures, weather changes and menstrual cycles, but you can look at other things that you have control over when you are feeling better. For me it's sleep, light exercising, resting enough/ taking frequent breaks and socializing

[@sourgreendolly7685]

Absolutely! And stress tends make the pain worse or at least harder to manage in my experience. So by focusing on the good days, and even on knowing when not to push yourself, you can make things less hard. It's not a fix, but it makes me see myself as a worthy person, someone who's pain is valid and requires rest.

[@Oktokolo]

Menstrual suppression pills are easily available for women in western countries today. So you probably could eliminate the menstrual cycle from the variables - although it can take a year to actually stop the cycle...

[@xXDESTINYMBXx]

@@Oktokolo that's not exactly healthy either

[@michaelnurse9089]

You are looking at it completely the wrong way. The solution is not to find a good day and copy it - it is to find examples of other people who beat chronic pain and copy them.

[@luvamiart8567]

I don't know your situation so I don't know if this will help or if you already tried, but I suffered from chronic back pain for 12 years and there has been one treatment that has helped me: neuroplasticity. I had the luck of entering in a free public health program in my city (I'm from Spain) focused on chronic pain and it was the first and only thing that has truly helped me to the point of reducing my painkillers about an 85% (and hopeful I will end my medication for good in a near future). Neuroplasticity is the idea that brains are plastic and chronic pain comes from a sensitization of the area of the brain that handles pain, which becomes hyper active and this can led to other health issues because it also messes with the chemicals in the brain. There are two steps to this: First one is the understanding that chronic pain can be temporary, the understanding that pain comes from the brain and chronic pain comes from a sensitization of the brain, since human tissues take up to 8 months to heal (this means the part of your body that hurts is not the problem, it is already healed and fine, it is your brain what you have to manage). That understanding helps you lose fear when moving around or doing physica activities, because you know there is nothing wrong with your body and whatever you are doing won't make it worse. That mindset is very important. The second step is certain exercises and activities that enhance brain activity and can help you re-wire your brain so it focuses less on the pain and, in time, de-sensitizes that pain area. Things like learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, going out in nature, creative activities and some physical training are things that stimulate the brain and help. There are also small exercises that help a lot with that stimulation, like doing things with your non-dominant hand, mirror drawing (drawing symmetrical with one pencil in each hand), reading a book upside down... THe thing about these exercises is to use the brain in ways you rarely do. For me, what worked was a combination of a few minutes doing these small exercises, plus some tai chi, plus I started to learn some piano and also games that require thinking like for example sudokus or chess. Taking at least half an hour every day to do them (time and consistency are key) helped me a lot. In about 3-4 months I started to notice less pain and managed it better. Now, a year after starting this treatment, I go climbing a couple days a week. My chronic pain is not completly gone, but I'm physically functional again and I haven't suffered a bad pain day in months, it has become manageable and not an obstacle anymore. I know how much chronic pain sucks, I know how draining it is and how much it can ruin your life, that is why I don't mind spending some time writing this if I can help someone the way I was helped too. Wish you the best.

[@tayzonday]

This is a helpful perspective. Thanks so much 🙏

[@alphaomega6023]

Didn't expect to see a KZbin legend in the comments today.

[@niggasgang8784]

You dropped this 👑

[@bakugan366]

Holy shit dude

[@briza_md]

I've seen him reply on several vids so he probably watches plenty HG vids ^^

[@iunnoo]

omg hi tay :>

[@ThemBEanss]

I’m amazed at how many angles Dr. K uses to understand the feeling of “stuckness.”

[@GUIDE_Nico]

have you seen his video, "Why You Feel Like Everyone Else Is Stupid" that's a great case study of sorts.

[@ritermaster]

The step-bro approach

[@Jeblonski]

Stience

[@elietheprof5678]

The famine story shows just how deadly social norms can be. The fact that people will avoid "peasant food" to the point of malnourishment

[@ShenobiYT]

Applied "Positive Deviance" during my weight loss last year, losing 33 pounds in a span of 6 months was excruciating but worth it. I'd rather experience pain from discipline than pain from regret.

[@DestopLine]

@@Raverraver9999 ok

[@ianc8266]

Hell yeah, friend.

[@spanzotab]

@@Raverraver9999 This is a great way of putting it, even if I don't necessarily believe in God as you do

[@KingofWorms277]

This video literally just slapped me in the face with a new perspective. Thank you so much for this!

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

I blocked the slap with Krava Maga

[@leonardodavinci4259]

Read the book Switch for more on this

[@saversaan777]

I don't get it can you explain it to me

[@Raverraver9999]

Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God our Lord, and by this means to save his soul. And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created. From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. For this it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things in all that is allowed to the choice of our free will and is not prohibited to it; so that, on our part, we want not health rather than sickness, riches rather than poverty,honor rather than dishonor, long rather than short life, and so in all the rest; desiring and choosing only what is most conducive for us to the end for which we are created..

[@randxalthor]

Thank you for bringing attention to this! Even before the video ended, I had already begun to think of times when I succeeded and what was different about those times. It's alleviating my sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

[@JLchevz]

I did this (unknowingly) to fix my IBS. I focused on that I COULD eat and what didn't made me bloated and miserable and only ate that and added little by little other foods until I had a complete diet and it worked. (Took me months of trial and error though but I slowly saw improvements and now I can eat everything).

[@di3486]

IBS is never fixed, you are only preventing flares.

[@sourgreendolly7685]

@@di3486 IBS is a catch all diagnosis for issues in the bowels without confirmed causes. You can't really claim something like that for this kind of diagnosis because there are many different causes and presentations. I hope that makes sense, sleep apnea is killing my ability to be understood 😅 (I'm getting a CPAP, just stuck in insurance limbo atm)

[@JLchevz]

@@di3486 I disagree. I DONT have to think about it anymore. Of course I can’t just eat only bread for 10 days straight but I can eat everything, no single thing bloats me or makes me feel uncomfortable.

[@gj4312]

​@@di3486 "IBS is never fixed, you are only experiencing less negative symptoms".... yeah that's kinda the point. That fixes IBS.

[@nandini9591]

Have the exact same issue , everything makes me bloated and I thought I fixed it but now it's back and it's aggressive do you mind sharing what your safe foods were I'm running out of ideas

[@JLchevz]

This is good. Sometimes focusing on the problems only makes us overwhelmed instead of focused on actually looking at what we did right.

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

Disagreed

[@cavemann_]

@@christiansnaturestudio6599 I disagree with your disagreement.

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

@@cavemann_ In profesional settings you need to spend more time in the problem first before solving

[@cavemann_]

@@christiansnaturestudio6599 Except nowhere in this video was it mentioned that you should apply this type of thinking in professional environments. Problem solving in programming or maths is different from problem solving your own life. However if you want to talk professional setting, then creative fields would probably benefit more from this method than something more logically oriented.

[@cavemann_]

Ok actually the first example mentioned was a professional environment, but I think it's important to recognise where this sort of method works and where it doesn't.

[@pc2753]

Y'know, I know people come up with superlatives all the time but your channel has genuinely helped me, especially on the adhd side of things. You really seem to have sought to understand things at a deeper level and tried them out on yourself instead of parroting received wisdom. This is worthwhile material 👍

[@JasmineTea127]

For real his videos always offer worthwhile advice even the ones I don’t agree with

[@toomanysymbols]

I think my main problem currently is the lack of a fundamental motivator that makes me want to replicate past successes. I'm really prone to nihilism, and I just can't seem to find a way to not constantly return to that state of mind. It's not that I don't know how to solve my problems, it's that I don't have a stable and consistent answer to the question of why I should solve them in the first place. It just comes down to finding the basic and inherent value within my life, but I feel like I have to lie to myself to make me believe there is any. I also know though, that by simply getting out there and engaging with the world with my full attention, that I don't have time to realize that what I'm doing has no purpose. That could work, except for the fact that in the long term I believe it will lead to never being able to be alone with my own mind, which I suppose is a very common problem in the modern world, though people probably each have their own thing that causes it. For me it's the nihilism that inevitably creeps in after a while. I know I could fill these moments with meditation, spiritual practice etc to keep that stuff at bay, so that's probably where I should start. Now for the initial motivation to build up the habit of doing these things, I suppose that will just have to be the desire to be free of suffering. Alright, let's get to it then, hopefully.

[@descai10]

Imho.. you don't need value in your life, it's perfectly fine to just go after whatever feels good. For me the answer to "why do this, there's no meaning or reason to it" is "i dont care, i want to". I highly recommend you watch the video "How to party at the end of meaning" by exurb1a.

[@themagnificentorange672]

I resonate with this quite a bit. Nice explanation btw

[@jayrun4341]

omg, I thought I was alone on this one. I too struggle with inherent motivation or seeing the reason/value in continuing. I want success but nihilism just creeps into my life somehow. I noticed that usually, if I'm too focused on a specific problem such as my relationships, then I don't notice my nihilism and instead manage to improve. But once I'm at a stable period of my life, where I can start having time to actually improve the things I WANT to improve and do, nihilism slips back in and sabotages any success I could have. When I'm not focused on just solving problems, Nihilism prevents me from having motivation to move forward. I don't even know how to get rid of it, since I'm not spiritual or religious and never will be. I've done a lot of research and searching but I can't bring myself to lie to myself and believe in these things. Sometimes though, I've tried using my nihilism in reverse to fix my motivation issues. Basically for example, If I don't see a point in studying today, I think--whatever everything doesn't matter, so I should study, because why not? But obviously, that really doesn't work a lot of the times when I have other more enjoyable things I want to do. Hence why I want success but cannot work hard enough for it. Sorry for the long comment, just astounded someone wrote something so similar to what I'm going through. Hope you manage to find a way,.

[@toomanysymbols]

@@jayrun4341 Hey man, i'm glad you managed to get this out of your system, I do the same all the time, and it does help to put your thoughts in order and see them for what they are. Sometimes these things seem very complicated and terrifying in your head, but when you boil it down, it's not actually that difficult to find a way forward. I really like making these kinds of comments, cause i've thought about this a lot and I know many people struggle with the same stuff but may not be able to put these things into words that you can google and work with.

[@Dotanalyst]

If I were you, the question I would ask myself is "Do I fear death?" In my case, the answer is a resounding "yes". Since I am so afraid of dying and the possibility of there being nothing afterwards, I see the feelings of nihilism that sometimes also take root in my mind as nothing more than a symptom of being unhappy with how my life is currently, because a bad childhood and shitty initial life conditions made my first 25 years of life hell, so I never really got to actually enjoy life much. But the fear of death keeps me going. I want to remain as healthy as possible and live as long as I can and do as much as I can while I'm alive. Hopefully, if we make it 30 years into the future, we'd then be able to sustain ourselves indefinitely by replacing our organs with new ones or even cybernetic implants, as technology seems to advance in that direction. I wouldn't mind becoming a cyborg if it means I can live for 300 years and do all the things that I want. Maybe this perspective will help.

[@vietnamese_man]

Super helpful--I've heard time and time again about the concept of deliberate practice and 'learning from our mistakes', but we never really emphasize the theme of 'duplicating our successes'. Really insightful talk, this is something I did sometimes unknowingly but I never knew it had its own formal concept.

[@jonesaffrou6014]

as usual makes me wanna file a restraining order on dr K just because of how relevant it is. literally two days ago I took a routine test in uni that I've been failing since day 1 and all but aced it. the fact did capture my attention but I didn't go beyond basic "I guess if you actually study you get good", but now I'm more interested in dissecting what makes the way I study for the subject so effective and applying it to other subjects where I'm barely passing. Also doesn't help that barely passing is the norm for this major because it's actually pretty challenging, especially since it's packed with ""gifted"" kids (including me). But there are people who are so good I don't know if I want to worship them or slice their tires, and I wouldn't say they're more intelligent than me or my classmates or something, so it's absolutely possible if you get the techniques tailored for you.

[@gnatdagnat]

What's your major?

[@jonesaffrou6014]

@@gnatdagnat medicine, it's in Europe so we don't call it a major, it's a 6 year monolithic university course instead

[@themagnificentorange672]

@@Raverraver9999 amen

[@themagnificentorange672]

W comment

[@spanzotab]

I don't know if you've ever failed a class before, but I've failed many. "Barely passing" is my goal now in my 4th year of likely 6+ just for a liberal arts degree. You sound like a hard worker to me, but I wish you luck in achieving your goals, hopefully this mindset can help us both.

[@lilijagaming]

The scary part is that I have already done similar thinking process and there is one big factor: I perform the best if I am not going to work and in general I am not forced to go out. At this point I kind don't know what to do next.

[@iamdozerq]

Yeah, it sucks. "Working rhythm" just dont work with my inner genius. Can use him only in my own tasks and only on days when i dont need to go anywhere. May seem that own business can help but it's really not for everyone. Too much setup for not just die of starvation if you haven't enough money already.

[@descai10]

Look for the days you feel slightly better despite going to work or going out, and try to figure out what separates the good work days from the bad work days. It's unlikely you'll be able to make your work days feel as good as non-work days, but you might be able to make them a bit nicer.

[@void.eternity]

Same. I do exemplary work when left to my own devices, but wanna shoot myself packing boxes for a day job. I can't express how excruciating going through the motions can be....and yes, I'm a fucking "gifted child". I wish I could enjoy my life.

[@Raverraver9999]

Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God our Lord, and by this means to save his soul. And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created. From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. For this it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things in all that is allowed to the choice of our free will and is not prohibited to it; so that, on our part, we want not health rather than sickness, riches rather than poverty,honor rather than dishonor, long rather than short life, and so in all the rest; desiring and choosing only what is most conducive for us to the end for which we are created..

[@colbyboucher6391]

Yep!! The thing about most mental health advice is that you're talking about someone who *is* capable of dealing with shit and just needs to figure out how. People are always blind to scenarios where someone actually just can't deal with shit. Usually when someone goes "Oh, it actually never went well" that's not actually true... but sometimes it is. People can't comprehend it, they're repulsed by it, they'd rather continue BSing you until you die than recognize that maybe someone's actually disabled somehow.

[@Chii_378]

I've been falling deep in a slump and rotating negative thoughts recently and I needed this video so much. Thank you!

[@horchatatee5407]

Dr. K NEVER fails with presenting a different route or take that blows my mind with how in front of me but unaware of it I was. Much love

[@PatChatGC]

My mind is blown. This sounds so simple and obvious now that I hear it, but I never would've thought about looking at it this way. I'm so glad that you make videos!!

[@nikilexaa]

I don't comment on KZbin videos often, but Dr. K if you're reading this... I don't think I can accurately describe how much your videos have helped me. Keep doing what you're doing, because the world needs more people like you. I'm sure you probably read tons of similar comments, so this one will most likely be forgotten by you in the next 15 minutes, but I bet a lot of people will forever benefit from your advice. And I imagine it feels fucking amazing when you think about it. I guess that's the best compliment one can ever get - the realization you impacted someone's life at some point, where if they wouldn't have stumbled upon you, they could be in much worse state now.

[@GrimKitty]

This is a very interesting shift of perspective, I imagine it's also healthy and beneficial to the mind and body to focus on/see the successes we've made as opposed to focusing on the problems all the time, especially since our brains are already predisposed to be biased towards the negative. dealing with depression/anxiety/etc and being able to look at the successes you've made and hopefully create more of them this way could truly be a game changer in building better habits and self confidence/positive self image, as well as self trust

[@imacds]

I think I kind of figured out to do something similar to this in my life, with decent success! It is wonderful to have it presented so succinctly.

[@CramerCreativesInc]

Just listening to this made me aware of some successes I hadn't been giving enough attention too, and that helped a lot. Very insightful

[@mangodabean]

This is honestly an amazing way of looking at my struggles. I suffer from misophonia and anxiety and I’ve been so fixated on trying to find a solution for myself that I didn’t even consider looking at what I was doing right! I have a feeling this new perspective if going to make a huge difference for me :)

[@canaldogrifonoia1338]

This video blew my mind when I realized that I have been keeping a journal about my days since 2018! What a resource! For the past three weeks, I have been reading my journal from 2023 and selecting both positive and negative aspects about my personality. My initial intention was to see where I stand compared to the big five traits, but now I am definitely using it for positive deviance purposes. Thank you, doc!

[@mackprime6975]

My mind is so blown, it’s so obvious in hindsight yet so ingenious! THANK YOU DR K!!!!!

[@foamy2990]

Thanks for the paradigm shift. Just another Wednesday with Dr. K

[@Vatzaa]

Thanks for all these relatable and down-to-earth videos doc! It's been really helpful

[@thornuridbahir8309]

As a man of science, I really like this. The combination of simple explanation as well as scientific approach really resonates with me. Thank you.

[@angelicking2890]

That hits the nail on the head on how I problem solve my issues on life.

[@arlet101]

This channel is pure SOLID GOLD in advice. This is so helpful and I feel excited to try it.

[@andreashalay7473]

This assumes that those moments of success are duplicatable and does not include factors outside of your control. In life, sometimes successes are not duplicatable because even the passage of time means the conditions for success are no longer the same. And so many aspects of life depend on things that you cannot control or cannot know about ahead of time, and yet will heavily impact your ability to succeed. For example, you may have edged out competition for that dream job that one time, but instead of it being because you practiced mock-interviews with your friend, it was because you reminded the boss of their favourite niece.

[@alexanderprivate7233]

Another great example is from WW2: one person said to reinforce the returning airplanes on the places were they did not get hit, instead of the places were they where. The logic behind it. The planes that did not return probably got hit on the spots were the returning planes did not. It increased the amount of returning planes significantly.

[@ForgiveMyMadness]

omg, this is such a genius comment. I love it. That makes so much sense!!!

[@anshulkandpal2384]

Isn't this the Survivorship Bias?

[@Enl1gtend]

This is great info. I've been trying to implement this more as time goes on, but I never had a name to go off. Focusing on what's working, even if it's only working partially, instead of just on what's wrong, is really illuminating! A similar concept used in competitive gaming, "losers don't, winners do" (this is how I heard of it, it might also have a name though). Focusing on what not to do isn't incorrect, but if you don't replace a "wrong" action with a "right" one to do in it's place, you haven't actually solved anything; you're also going to end up feeling stuck, especially when you end up with a mile long list of things you shouldn't do (speaking from personal experience). Learning that success is often just the outcome of effective behaviors has been extremely helpful for me; just mimicking what you see working doesn't always pan out, but even when it doesn't, if often helps set a rational baseline to work from.

[@vaece_]

i've been doing this unknowingly for the past couple of months with great success. really insightful stuff!

[@SimGunther]

Totally agree that positive deviance is much easier with a journal to look back on and update going forward 😊

[@sammerspage]

Dr K's hair looking fresh, clearly a solution that's worked 💇

[@Eminent_wolf]

Haven't watched the video yet but already know this is what i needed. i have been feeling lately like nothing is working. hopefully at the end of this vid i get info i needed

[@КатеринаЗайцева-б4х]

Wow, that sounds pretty useful, I already applied this without thinking much, but the thing is sometimes obstacles that gave me positive result are very rare, but it's nice to be conscious about it and don't think that something is wrong with me

[@oxitocin7718]

this is how I figured out I have internet addiction like nobody I know watches 20 video essays a day about every goddamn subject under the sun no wonder I'm not achieving anything I was just watching videos on how to change your life ,how to this ,how to that ,top 10 productivity tips for 2022..... and never actually doing it

[@devincalfee4908]

Look up “radically open DBT”, it’s made for ppl in these exact situations and is essentially this video but significantly more in depth

[@sweethope8604]

The greatest days I had were when I got enough sleep and ate well rounded meals + 2 snacks all day every day ( I have hypoglycemia and used to faint as a kid if I had sugar cereal or simple carbs) I recently developed insomnia 2 years ago because of perimenopause and eat whatever is in the fridge without thought because I'm so exhausted now. It's extremely hard to duplicate how I felt before without a lot of help.

[@descai10]

It's also valid that things that worked in the past may no longer work. In that case experimenting with theoretical solutions is definitely a good idea. I would also try and notice the more recent days you feel slightly better or fell asleep easier and try to find if there's anything you can duplicate.

[@Raverraver9999]

Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God our Lord, and by this means to save his soul. And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created. From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. For this it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things in all that is allowed to the choice of our free will and is not prohibited to it; so that, on our part, we want not health rather than sickness, riches rather than poverty,honor rather than dishonor, long rather than short life, and so in all the rest; desiring and choosing only what is most conducive for us to the end for which we are created..

[@stonescorpio]

I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in high school, and the thing that really helped me get it under control was going on the keto diet. It's not for everyone, because it is very restrictive, but it did double the amount of time I can comfortably go between meals and basically eliminated exercise-induced hypoglycemia. I've been on it for almost ten years now. It might be worth it, if you think you can manage a long-term change like that.

[@SIC647]

Game changer is such an overused word. But this is so profound. Thank you! I have watched this video every day for the last three days and I am going to continue to do so. My mind is slowly truly understanding and believing this.

[@MiauxCatterie]

I love this. I use the first technique you mentioned all the time. I crowdsource so much of the things I try out by setting what worked for others online, and trying it, or modifying it for my needs. I appreciate the deeper discussion of how to better analyze my successes to harness their power.

[@notequalto5179]

When I was sleep procrastinating, I used positive deviance to realize that the nights I went to bed on time was when I had plenty of time to rest after a work day (playing games, reading, etc.). I started sectioning out time to stop working each day and my sleep times improved by about an hour each night.

[@emilyb5557]

Oh this is my BIG issue. Any other advice on what you worked out and have you been able to beat it?? I've worked out eating dinner by 7pm latest helps a lot, not always easy with shift work but focusing on that rather than bed time has a positive effect.

[@Aboguaboga]

This is definitely one of the most useful videos I have seen, thank you

[@adonayshot]

I mostly agree with you, Dr. K , but my only problem here is that whenever I reevaluate my positive actions that resulted in a "good day" for me, I always end up reaching the same conclusion, that what made me not "screw up" that day was that I had to use actual will power and sorta force myself to do X o Y (like study 4 hours a day, or eat healthy) and there is the problem that I find whenever I try to think about this. What I did "right" in the "good" days was something that makes me feel really burned out in a very short amount of time. I honestly don't know how to not use will power and end up in a situation where things flow naturally for me. I say this because I have a food addiction, and every single day is a battle of sheer will power for me to not fall to my temptations, it's not something that my mind does it naturally. Same goes to most of my "positive" habits, whenever I have a good day, it really comes down to me having to use my "mana" and force my self to do what is right, but I always end up fatigued and depressed a couple of days later. How can someone break this cycle?

[@kappimutze7979]

I can relate to this. I'm in a similar situation, except that for me it's video games that tempt me when I should be working. I too often come to the conclusion that it was only by sheer force of will that I worked today. Only rarely do I see that the circumstances were also favourable. So what I am currently trying is inspired by an earlier (the last?) video by Dr K in which he said that it takes about 4 weeks or 40 days to establish a new behaviour. Thus, my plan at the moment is to try to spend willpower points every day for this time... Yes, sounds exhausting to me too and it is exhausting (I am at a week and a half), but I hope it will be worth it. Yes, there also was a day where I only did minimal work, but I have to get "back on the horse" and try further. My therapist also had a good idea: I should learn to "ride the wave". As desire/attraction normally is not always constantly high, but comes and goes in waves, Her idea now is that you learn to endure the high point in order to learn that it then also becomes weaker again.

[@adonayshot]

@@kappimutze7979 Oh man, I wish u luck on such endeavor, I noticed that after failing so many times I ended up developing a very low tolerance for "trying to improve myself" even though last year I did pretty alright compared to the rest of my life. Not sure why I am this why, which is why I plan on buying K 's guide to mental health. Your therapist's observation about "riding the wave" is pretty good, I mean it makes sense, but the problem that I personally have with this is that I am not very good at noticing my limitations and when I should let it go or when I should "ride the wave" . I tried reading and practicing the current meme therapy trend (stoicism, meditation, journaling ) but most of them didn't work out for me in the long run.

[@Serena-or7sl]

I tend to have the same problem, more or less. I think I got a way around it with the following: * I try to not let me down for "negatives". I stopped putting significance on days I don't study or days I don't eat well, or days I don't exercise. * I compensate for not letting me down with specific, low effort actions. For example if I'm not eating well I take a multivitaminic, if I didn't exercise properly I do some stretching, if I didn't study I let go of the tension and allow myself to stop trying and truly rest * I focus on one thing at a time, if possible. This month I'm focusing on finding/getting an exercise routine, for example. As a result I now know that I will almost never go to the gym "enough" to justify a subscription (and that I found other ways to exercise consistently), so I will not keep it next month. This will reduce my guilt around that, and stop that specific mana battle. (and as another example, last month I tried meditating daily - which didn't go well at all, so I stopped it). * I changed my environment to avoid having the "mana battle" in the first place. For example, now I started going to the university library to study, which for me means I get 20 minutes a day of biking and an actual study environment that I didn't associate with procrastination before. Studying comes naturally in university for me, and I get some level of socialization too (which seems stupid but it helps a lot). Since I'm in university the whole day I stopped snacking altogether too, which is nice. * as a last thing, I kinda stopped thinking about all the methods that didn't work or that stopped working. Instead I consider them to be "nice tools in a toolbox" that don't have or need constant use, but are available to me if I need them. If I feel the need to use one of those I try to go past the fact that they didn't work and try them again (doesn't work for everything, but sometimes it's useful nevertheless)

[@slimbrady6004]

Wow this is so obvious yet most people (including myself) rarely see it. Thanks for giving me a reminder to focus on the positives.

[@crisrodriguez5693]

That's good timing. I kind of have a pattern of making an effort to learn and improve, maintaining a good mental, and then results show I've somehow gotten worse. I try again (and again, multiple different approaches), keeping my mental in check, trying to not focus too much on results, but they get bad enough that I can't ignore them. So I run into this problem, "nothing seems to work". And I end up afraid that I will never be anything better than "naturally good" at things. I know this is all bs and there HAS to be a way for me to improve, but I've definitively lost a lot of confidence over this. Been a while since my last good day, will take a close look at the next one. Thank you!

[@druhseenuh]

came here from the positive deviance short; i know it'll be a great one. thanks dr. k 🙂

[@fourmoyle]

First video in a long while that when it ended I immediately watched it again. Thank you for this.

[@veeloth]

I thought everyone knew about that way of thinking. Really good explanation of the concept. Now the question is what do you do if your success seem random? Or if the factors that apparently lead you to success aren't in your control?

[@helenp5649]

I swear every time I watch your videos it's a life-changing discovery!

[@AngDevigne]

Thank you so much for this!! 🙏 You clearly and quickly explained this concept and gave me the words I needed to understand it. Thank you so so much!

[@laurscurls]

THANK YOU DR. K!!

[@rope9568]

With all the work I did in my time at a clinic the exercise of asking myself "what did i do differently today?" changed my perspective the most. Of course that also did mean to experiment but it also let me see the things that I already did which are helpful for me. Absolutely important viewpoint.

[@RedRa7Vg3r]

This video is very interesting and something I found during emt school. What I found was external stressors worked most for me. It was stressors that would push me to a breaking point, then the melt down, and then during that rebuilding I could accomplish tremendous work. I would like to not have to get to a breaking point and melt down phase

[@sacragon]

I have a feeling positive deviance is one of the most life-changing perspectives I'll ever adopt. Hundreds of hours of content are worth it for these little gems.

[@RainWhitehart]

I genuinely appreciate this advice because it's something you can use no matter where you are in terms of health or financial situation.

[@anonchu]

This is a very interesting take, thank you for sharing this! Going to rewatch this later and make notes so that it truly settles in.

[@JakeMazurski]

A chain reaction, a rope that we take, and start to untangle backwards step by step. Genius :) As always

[@raenastra]

I know this advice will be useful for the next few weeks... but I have a sinking feeling that after a few weeks, I'll forget to see things from this perspective and end up where I started. It's a constant cycle

[@thekarret2066]

Good luck on continuing to think this way. Maybe if you save this video in a playlist or something, you can rewatch it later when your perspective starts to backslide again! o 3o!!!

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

Write things down. Every thought that is beneficial for you, write it down in a diary or something. You will surely remember it then or have no excuse if you fall into the same behavior again

[@thekarret2066]

@@thesevenkingswelove9554 I think the last part of that message is a bit unhelpful; but writing the beneficial thoughts down sounds like a great idea!

[@christineg8151]

This is really interesting! I use this technique all the time in my research (WHY did the reaction work this time, when it didn't last time, for example) but it never really occurred to me to apply it to my day to day personal issues. I'm going to have to give this some thought.

[@Poisley]

Your videos are always full of understandable and actionable advice. Thanks Dr. K

[@Igigog]

Dr. K as always brings a new and actionable perspective in my life. Thank you so much!

[@dreamingkyle]

This is some serious mental gymnastic! How to fix the problem…. you don’t…. just duplicate your success… focus on how you were able to get it done… pay attention going forward…

[@tgg7434]

Hello dr.k I have been going through a lot of indecisiveness through the last year thanks for the video it is what I need

[@saber8560]

Doc you silly genius, thank you for this perspective!!!

[@JasmineTea127]

You’re expanding my mind so much

[@forxstsombodi3043]

It's nice to have this shift in perspective. thanks.

[@dragstationvr6028]

Notes: - Instead of focusing on fixing what went wrong, focus on on how you did something right

[@nickjoeb]

Great video! I'll have to start investigating the things that are working more!

[@jonnull]

Omg, FINALLY someone talks about that aspect of science. I've been pulling my hair out with the "science-based" community for blindly averaging everything, when statistically significant outliers clearly exist and should not be ignored and averaged. As if anything applies equally to everyone.

[@Serena-or7sl]

He's not talking about outliers though (which are defined as "extraordinary events"), but about the whole distribution instead of the mean. Even looking at 25th and 75th percentile on top of the mean (and median) would be useful.

[@jonnull]

@@Serena-or7sl I understand that, the principle still applies. Outliers are just on the extreme end of the distribution.

[@HiiImChris]

Thx mister, srsly dr k ty. Im an eng student and I struggle quite badly with developing consistency in my professional life. I know my issues unfortunately stem from environmental factors outside my control (my family has and still is V E R Y fucked up) but since I have found your channel a month or two ago I actually would say I have genuinely made progress and hope to continue.

[@jamiececilielange5249]

I don't know much about your life, but is it possible for you to spend more time at a library or similar? Or spend some time away from your family with your phone off at least?

[@Raverraver9999]

Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God our Lord, and by this means to save his soul. And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created. From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. For this it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things in all that is allowed to the choice of our free will and is not prohibited to it; so that, on our part, we want not health rather than sickness, riches rather than poverty,honor rather than dishonor, long rather than short life, and so in all the rest; desiring and choosing only what is most conducive for us to the end for which we are created..

[@afreaknamedallie1707]

For me this feels like a way to also work to combat perfectionism, which is what I'm realizing is the root of a lot of my issues. It's hard to ever think about what I did "right" because that's what I demand to be the baseline version of myself so I get stuck on trying to force excellence at all times.

[@alex_3600-r1h]

dear dr. k. please include the research papers you're referencing. I'm studying & am always happy to find new research papers to read :) love your content! keep doing it

[@whoisgliese]

Positive deviance. Instead of focusing on what went wrong in your brain in the question you got wrong, focus on what happened when you answered correctly. Watch what happened the day you did well in say studying. Instead of fixing your failures, you duplicate your successes. It's a cool process to replantear a problem. It's a shift of targets. Instead of focusing on the problems, you focus on the solutions. You focus on the things that lead you to success, whether that's things you do or that you don't do.

[@aarizbaig4999]

you help so much thank you

[@robgood9119]

Very good advice..now just need to be able to remember implementing the technique and being self aware

[@GTaichou]

This might have a huge effect on my own depression and social issues... I get so stuck on self-negativity, doubt, and fear... It's hard to break the self-fulfilling doom spiral sometimes.

[@iluxa-4000]

I have one problem in my life that has ruined me completely, and when I tried to think of a success, I couldn't think of any...

[@sammckenzie6760]

I've done this recently Putting water and medication on my nightstand made a huge difference to the morning

[@jazztastic9007]

Thank you so much. I needed this video.

[@МихаилСмоляр-у3п]

It's amazing how this video correlates with TOC (especially in part of fixing the cause).

[@hamedgholami3664]

This video is GOLD.

[@foxxyrola6458]

Holy crap I got here early. This is the video I've been waiting for frfr

[@foxxyrola6458]

Thank you doc

[@tuskular]

This is exactly my perspective on motivation and drive. Often (to be blunt), We make up excuses for our own behaviour. The answer with physical tasks is very simple and always will be and always has been and that's to just do it and move forward, don't think just do. Take Exercise for example, personally I hate going to the gym I find it extremely boring but that doesn't mean I cant do 10 push-ups while I wait for the kettle to boil or take the stairs when I'm heading to class or even run to the shop instead of walking, even finding a sport is always a good alternative, there is always something you can just do. Losing weight is also a very simple task, even without exercise, cut sugar entirely, skip breakfast, lunch and have one large meal a day, you are restricted to eat within that one hour, as that will stop the snacking through out the day and your calorie count will drop massively, its the excuses that stop people, whether its there favourite snack, stress eating or they simply love food, 99% of the time its there own problem. I really do think a lot of people who are overweight have no idea just how many calories there overeating in a day, either that or they just lie, cant break the 1st law of thermodynamics after all. With studying its a bit more complicated as you cant really force mental tasks, or at least If you do, your performance will be very low. although if you do it enough you will eventually get into a routine you can become adept at disciplining yourself, but personally I struggle with this as I have always been spontaneous with my interests and motivated by stress in these scenarios, social pressure and competition also help quite significantly with motivation I find. Personally I am in STEM so everything has a logical path and conclusion, which definitely helps with self-teaching/learning.

[@janleski3416]

Love the new hair

[@kiranaaisyah5281]

When Dr K was explaining the example, I knew it was gonna be positive deviance. I've heard the term before from the papers I read for my master's course. It's really interesting.

[@echograpefruit]

Am I the only one who doesn't have any good days to try to replicate? All I have for the past 15 years are days where I struggle and scrape by vs days where I'm avoidant and "happy" but sabotaging my future self.

[@sorryguys1090]

All of a sudden I've realized from this video that I do apply the positive deviance method, and it helps a lot! The only problem with it arises when my life somehow change in the way that I can't reproduce the conditions for success (e.g. I go to a new job, and my timetable shifts). Anyway, the most reasonable thing to do in this case is to do the next iteration of the same method, though it can take time for observation and noticing what leads to success.

[@go_better]

Dr. K makes more and more of the world with every video!...Dude...

[@upsidedownbagofflour697]

This positive deviance strategy needs solid causal inference, avoiding fallacies like regression to the mean. What could've been behind your success on a given day are more random factors that you won't be able to consistently control. The experimentation stage Dr. K describes is very important so you can figure out what factors accompanying a success actually contributed to it.

[@2ndpartycrasher954]

Fascinating..I have OCD and while I'm not going to apply positive deviance yet. There are days in which my problem seems unsolvable and i will use this. Btw...Positive Deviance can be summed down to one phrase. "Focus on what you want, not what you don't want" What you want is success so try to duplicate it, rather than what you don't want, which is fixing the problem. Doesn't mean you should always use Positive Deviance though.

[@sarahjohnsonontv]

This is hugely helpful. Thank you.

[@yinyang75]

Cant thank Dr K enough for the content he puts out there man ❤️

[@montegyro]

This whole video reminds me of the principles in process improvement for most industries. So this does click for me, and I've been sort of living this way for a while. I think its effective. Alhough for me i have this chaotic CNS giving me hurdles to work through. Its staggering how important healthy frontal/temporal lobes are for everyday life. Protect your noggins y'all.

[@beanboi789]

I just want to talk about Dr. K's fresh cut.

[@user-ke8ty5ds7r]

Reminds me of the Anna Karenina principle. "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

[@MichaelAverage]

For crew, Two light at the left of the video are flickering, Your camera is 60hz, and light are 50hz, change bulbs and flickering on video stops. Great job with setup tho

[@emanuel_soundtrack]

9:22 i confirm 100% this is what changed me for better. Not exactly my life as a whole, but how i react to it.

[@joevaghn457]

This is actually extremely wise and incredible

[@purpur_go_brr8851]

Thank you for this video 💖